Memorandum

To:

Professor Karen Thompson

From:

Charles Wilson

Date:

23 December 2014

Subject:

Assignment 1 Writing to Achieve a Readable Style

Please accept this memo as an analysis of my writing prior to taking your technical writing course. One
of my most recent submission was considered for this project. The document considered is a description
of the features belonging to a prototype component. The document was evaluated based on how
concise, precise, direct, accessible, and correct it is.

Concise
Being concise is the expression of information in as few words as possible. The document considered
does a good job of describing the component without any extraneous content. The excerpt from the
document seen below describes the features of the component, a reference to the images, and gives
insight about the structure of the rest of the document.
The body of the design is a two part, modular sub system. The top portion of the body
includes features that assist with the assembly process (Figure A-1 and A-2), loading
medication in to the device (Figure B-1 and Figure B-2), holding the bottom eyelid open
(Figure C-1 and C-2), and actuating the nozzle (Figure D-1 and D-2). The following are
solid models of the prototype that emphasize the design features in the order
previously listed.

Precise
Being precise means using specific words and an appropriate level of detail to meet the needs of the
audience and the purpose of the writing. I found a paragraph of the document that offers more detail
than was needed. The paragraph explains how a pump works. The explanation of the pump mechanics is
unnecessary given that the purpose of my document is to identify the features rather than explain how
they work and my audience was a group of mechanical engineers who already understand pump
physics.
Fluid flow in the device is driven by an atomizing pump. The pump is exactly the same as
the pump that is used in the making of many common household spray bottles. When
the head of the nozzle is depressed air is forced into the fluid reservoir. This creates a
pressure difference and in order to balance the pressure between the external
atmosphere and the fluid reservoir, a mixture of fluid and air escape from the bottle and
are forced out of a nozzle.
In order eliminate the unnecessary detail I would revise the paragraph to read
Fluid flow in the device is driven by an atomizing pump. The pump is the same as the
pumps used in the making of common household spray bottles. Depressing the head of
the nozzle actuates the pump and expresses a fine mist.

Direct
Being direct requires the use of strong nouns and verbs to be as straightforward as possible. The
following paragraph shows effective use of nouns such as feature and device, as well as verbs such as
spread. The paragraph accurately describes an animate feature of the device as best as possible in the
absence of a visual demonstration.
Notice that the feature that is intended to push the bottom eye lid open is rigidly
attached to the top portion of the body. This is due to the coupled nature of actuating
the device. When the device is squeezed the features that assist with opening the eyes
spread apart simultaneously.

Accessible
A document is accessible when it is easily understood by the audience. Accessibility places an emphasis
on plain English rather than technical jargon. I found a couple of instances where I used jargon when it
could have been avoided. For instance, in the first sentence I could have said eye rather than fornix;
the fornix is the area between the interior of the bottom eyelid and the eyeball. There are other areas of
human anatomy that share the same name so referencing the fornix could cause confusion. In the
second sentence I use the word atomizing which could have been replaced with the word misting or
a brief description of the state of the fluid expressed when the pump is actuated.
This feature makes contact with the skin on the exterior of the fornix.
Fluid flow in the device is driven by an atomizing pump.

Correct
Being correct means making effective use of grammatical rules. There are three types of rules; real rules,
social rules, and invented rules. In the context of a technical document only the real rules should be
followed. Real rules include proper sentence structure and the appropriate use of tense and plurality.
When I read the sentence below I am confused by my own writing. I definitely need to work on
improving my writing to be more correct. I attempted to correct the sentence by rewriting it and
highlighting the corrections in yellow. I am interested in any feedback you have to offer regarding my
correction.
One of the largest issues faced by consumers who frequently use eye medications is the
bodys natural response to blink when something is close to their eye.
One of the largest issues faced by consumers that frequently use eye medication is the
bodys natural response to blink when something is close to the eye.
Evaluating my own work has been very revealing. It is clear that I need to pay more attention to
grammatical mistakes as well as be more precise. There is also some work to be done in the area of
accessibility. Improvements in these areas will make my writing more meaningful and readable.