Detroit Water Profile Revised

by Jessica Marquez

FILE

IB_MOODLE_T EMP_T URNIT INT OOL_5447743._19290_1426570081_481

43.DOCX (1.07M)

T IME SUBMIT T ED

16-MAR-2015 10:28PM

WORD COUNT

2089

SUBMISSION ID

517045843

CHARACT ER COUNT

11494

Please add authors' names to paper.

engaging history!

comma
jobs such as Toledo?

run on

who (because it's "they are unable"

two months? it's 2015 now?

can you reduce wordiness?

say why they raised the bills--what rationale did they give?

run on

is this your thesis?

explain, give evidence.

sp

Detroit's? Human?

unclear

some of
this is
repetitive,
which
means you
should
reorganize-keep
similar
content
together

Detroit Water Profile Revised

GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE

GENERAL COMMENTS

85

Instructor

/100

PAGE 1

QM

Text Comment.

Please add authors' names to paper.

Text Comment.

engaging history!

Add expert
T his is a solid idea. Can you add evidence (quotation, data, etc.) f rom an expert to buttress
your credibility?

Text Comment.

comma

Text Comment.

jobs such as T oledo?

Text Comment.

run on

Text Comment.

run on

PAGE 2

QM

delete
some words or phrases here are unnecessary; they may even cloud your meaing.

Text Comment.
QM

Thesis
T hesis needs work:

who (because it's "they are unable"

T he thesis is the central idea of your paper around which all your evidence and claims are
organized. Every single paragraph should be dedicated in a clear way to proving your thesis. In
your essay, the thesis should be stated as quickly and as clearly as possible. In f act, many
teachers will expect your thesis statement to appear in the last sentence of your essay's f irst
paragraph. A vivid thesis statement will announce the steps of its argument, not just provide a
f lat statement of the essay's ultimate goal. T hink of the thesis as a roadmap that gives
directions to your reader rather than as a picture of your f inal destination.

Text Comment.

two months? it's 2015 now?

Text Comment.

can you reduce wordiness?

Text Comment.

say why they raised the bills--what rationale did they give?

Text Comment.

is this your thesis?

Text Comment.

explain, give evidence.

Text Comment.

sp

PAGE 3

PAGE 4

QM

citation add
You need a citation here.

Text Comment.
QM

Detroit's? Human?

Pro
Check all your pronouns. If it's not obvious to whom they ref er, make it obvious by using
specif ic noun again.

QM

citation add
You need a citation here.

QM

Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments
become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most
common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a
noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to
dawn."

QM

Frag.
Fragment:
A sentence f ragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such f ragments
become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. T he most
common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a
noun) f or a main verb, as in the f ollowing sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare f rom dusk to
dawn."

PAGE 5

Text Comment.

some of this is repetitive, which means you should reorganize--keep

similar content together

Text Comment.
PAGE 6
PAGE 7
PAGE 8

unclear

RUBRIC: PROFILE RUBRIC_COPY

ST YLE

Developing

Style:
ABSENT OR BELOW Frequent stylistic or sentence level literacy issues that cloud meaning or diminish
BASIC
readability. T here are f requent areas that need more description, background, or

def inition f or less experienced readers. Missing citations or citations that can't be
easily tracked down by reader.
DEVELOPING

Usually addresses audience with an appropriate, clear, and succinct style. Usually
attends to audiences needs, experiences, and values, although there are occasional
areas that need more description, background, or def inition f or less experienced
readers. T here may be errors in the ways sources are cited, but there aren't missing
citations or citations that can't be easily tracked down by reader.

PROFICIENT

Addresses audience with an appropriate, clear, and succinct style. Attends to

audiences needs, experiences, and values. Cites all sources properly.

ADVANCED

Addresses audience with an appropriate, clear, and succinct style. Attends to

audiences needs, experiences, and values. Cites all sources properly.

FORMAT

Advanced

Format:
ABSENT OR BELOW Frequently strays f rom conventions of either academic essay or magazine article
BASIC
f ormat; typical introduction, body, and conclusion organization hard to identif y. Of ten

missing captions or headings f or sections.

DEVELOPING

Usually f ollows conventions of either academic essay or magazine article f ormat;

includes introduction, body, and conclusion. Would benef it f rom (where necessary)
headings, captions, etc.

PROFICIENT

Follows conventions of either academic essay or magazine article f ormat; includes

introduction, body, and conclusion. Includes (where necessary) headings, captions,
etc.

ADVANCED

Follows conventions of either academic essay or magazine article f ormat; includes

introduction, body, and conclusion. Includes descriptive (where necessary) headings,
captions, etc.

CONT ENT

Developing

Content:
ABSENT OR BELOW Reader may be unsure of which person, place, event, organization, technique, or
BASIC
trend author is prof iling. Assignment purpose may not be achieved. May provide some

relevant background or hint at why readers should care, but not in a coherent or
cohesive way that engages readers' interest. Reader is not shown why this subject
deserved coverage (distinction). Needs a smooth, logical organization within and

between Ps. Claims need logical, relevant, credible and authoritative evidence.
DEVELOPING

Inf orms readers about a person, place, event, organization, technique, or trend.
Provides some relevant background, hints at why readers should care. Reader may
not be shown why this subject deserved coverage (distinction). Sometimes lacks a
smooth, logical organization within and between Ps. While some claims are
supported, others need logical, relevant, credible and authoritative evidence.

PROFICIENT

Inf orms readers about a person, place, event, organization, technique, or trend.
Provides relevant background, illustrates why readers should care, and shows why
this subject deserved coverage (distinction). Organizes results and paragraphs in a
smooth, logical pattern. Supports all claims with logical, relevant, credible and
authoritative evidence.

ADVANCED

Insightf ully Inf orms readers about a person, place, event, organization, technique, or
trend. Provides relevant background, illustrates why readers should care, and shows
why this subject deserved coverage (distinction). Organizes results and paragraphs in
a smooth, logical pattern. Supports all claims with logical, relevant, credible and
authoritative evidence.

CRIT ERION 4
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED

CRIT ERION 5
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED