JuliaHaagenstad

Ms.SunnyDiaz
English120
5/3/15

ReflectiveEssayonTraditionalRevision

Formytraditionalrevision,IchosetoreviseandreflectonmyMWA1formultiple
reasons.IfeltthatmyMWA1wasoneofmyweakerpiecesofworkthatIcompletedoverthe
courseofthesemester,andthroughatraditionalreflectionIwouldbeabletomakeitstronger
andbetterwellwritten.MWA1wasarhetoricalanalysisonanotheruniversitiesadvertisement
foraspecificprogramtheschooloffered.IchosetoanalyzeASUsvideoadvertisementfortheir
CivilandEnvironmentalEngineeringProgram,sinceImyselfampursuingamajorin
environmentalengineering,andIfeltIcouldanalyzetheadvertisementmoreeasily.
Whilerevisingmyessay,Inoticedthattherewasalargeamountofspellingand
grammaticalerrorsthatIhadmade.Bychangingthesemistakes,Ifeltthatitmadetheoverall
qualityofmyessaybetterandmoreprofessional.MostofthegrammaticalchangesthatIworked
onwascorrectingthetitleofprogramsandprofessionals,andmadesuretheywereconsistent
throughoutthewholeessay.Forexample,InoticedthatwhenIreferredtotheirenvironmental
program,Ioftentimesdidnotcapitalizetheprogram,sothroughoutmyMWA1,IfixedASUs
environmentalengineeringprogramtoASUsEnvironmentalProgram.Thesechanges,asI
hadmentionedbefore,mademyessayseemmoreprofessional,andmadetheoverallqualityofit
better.
ThemajorchangesthatImadeinmyMWA1includedaddinginmorecontext,aswellas
addinginspecificexampleanddetailsusedintheadvertisement.WhilereviewingmyMWA1,I

noticedthatIwasnotusingspecificenoughdetails,whichisimportantifyouwanttoengage
yourreadersandaudience.Forexample,inmyessayIhadmentionedhowASUsvideoshowed
studentsandprofessorscollaboratingandworkingonprojects,butIwasnotspecificenoughas
to
what
projectstheywereworkingon.Tofixthisweakpointinmyessay,Iaddedinspecific
detailsdescribingtheprojectthatwasshowninthevideoOneoftheprojectsthatwasshown
beingworkedon,wasastudentandmentortestingthecompressionlevelofconcreteusinga
machinethattheydesigned.Ifeltthatbyaddinginthisspecificdetailabouttheprojectwould
givemyreadersabettervisualconceptofwhatwasbeingworkedon.
ThenextmajorchangeImadeinmyMWA1,wasrevisingmyconclusion.Inmy
originalMWA1,Ihadwhatseemedliketwoconclusions,soIsummarizedbothparagraphsinto
one.IhadtoensurethatIsummarizedwhatitwasthatcapturedmyattentionintheessay,as
wellasaddinmypersonalopiniononhowtheadvertisementinspiredmetocontinuepursuinga
pathincivilandenvironmentalengineering.
ThereasonIchoseMWA1torevise,wasbecauseIfeltthatitwastheoneassignment
thatIcouldhavemadethemostsignificantchangesto.IhadnoticedthatIcouldhaveextended
thelengthofmyessay,butIwantedtoensurethatIaccomplishedthiswithoutrepeatingmyself,
sincethatisanareaIstruggleinthemostwhilewritingpapers.Toaccomplishthis,Iusedmore
detailswhenexplainingtacticsandschemesthattheadvertisementused.Forexample,inthelast
paragraphofmyMWA1,Iaddedinandexplainedhowtheuseofethos,pathosandlogoswasa
strongpointintheadvertisement,sinceitgivestheadvertisementemotionalappeal,authoritative
appeal,aswellasfactualappeal.

Overall,thechangesthatImadeinmyMWA1madeitastrongerpieceofwriting,and
thisassignmenthastaughtmehowtoreviseandbecomeanunbiasedcritiqueofmyownwriting,
whichisanimportantaspectofthewritingprocess.WhatIfoundmostchallengingaboutthis
assignment,waslearninghowtobeunbiasedaboutmakingchanges,andlearninghowtoview
mypieceofwritingthroughopeneyes.