Christy Chen

Tuesday, April 21st 2015

Writing Mini Lesson: Precise Language
Common Core Standards: W.5.3: Texts types and purposes. Write
narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using
effective technique, descriptive details and clear event sequences
Grade: 5
Objective: Students will be able to pick out words from Salt Hands by:
Jane Aragon and determine what are descriptive words she uses and
they will be able to edit their own pieces and add precise descriptive
words and language.
1.) Lesson Introduction and Objective/ purposeWriters! We have been working pretty hard on our personal
narratives for the past few weeks. Many of you are editing and
rereading your composition. I want to make sure that you are able to
use words that best communicate your thoughts and ideas. Today I
want to teach you how to use more precise descriptive language in
order to make your narratives pop! With phrases and words that will
help set a picture in the readers mind. I will guide you through this.
2.) Teach and ModelOkay, I have passed out Salt Hands by: Jane Aragon. Now the piece
that I passed out isnt actually all her writing. I changed some of her
words because I want us together to figure out how to make the writing
more descriptive and visual. I am going to read the piece out loud. And
I want you to whisper read together with me. This is called coral
reading. Your voice should never overpower mine, but If I were to stand
next to you I should be able to hear you. I want you all to follow along
and whisper read with me please!
(Read piece)
Good Job boys and girls!
Now I want you to look at the 4th paragraph. It says
I walked outside and stepped toward him silently. He looked at me. I
really think that I can change the word walked to something more
descriptive. Many times when you are walking towards an animal you
need to move cautiously and slowly. So I think the word tiptoed Is
perfect to use here. Its actually the real words from Jane Aragons text.
So lets reread the passage using tiptoed. I tiptoed outside and
stepped toward him silently. Do you see how it changed the verb and
made it more visual for the reader? Jane Aragon is an amazing writer
that allows us to picture every movement in this piece.

3.) Guided PracticeSo now lets do it together! I want you to look at the next paragraph (5th
one)
Is sat on the grass. The deer flicked his white tail back and forth. I
sang a song to him softly, while he ate on fallen pears.
I really think that we can change the word sat and ate because these
words are pretty plain!
Turn and talk to someone next to you and decide on two words that
can replace these verbs.
(3 minutes)
Okay boys and girls! I was walking around the room and heard a lot of
good ideas. Specifically I heard ______ say we can use ____ and ____. I
love those words! Cross out the words you have in the text and put
above it these new words. Now who would like to reread the
paragraph?
Good!
No Jane Aragon used the words knelt and nibbled.
Her passage reads like this: I knelt on the grass. The deer flicked his
white tail back and forth. I sang a song to him softly, while he nibbled
on fallen pears.
Okay boys and girls we will look at one more paragraph together. Look
at the 6th paragraph
He shook his head and moved his ears. He was listening to my song.
HE moved closer to me cautiously. I said my song. Then slowly, I held
out my hands.
I want you all to re write on the worksheet I gave you. I want you to
look at the words closely and decide which words you want to change
to make this a more visual precise passage. Remember the words we
used before and how we changed it.
Good! Would anyone like to share?
Now I am passing out Jane Aragons original passage I would like you to
read it to someone next to you. I should again not be able to hear your
voices from all the way up here but I should be able to hear you loud
enough if I were to stand next to you or your partner.
Go!
(4 minutes)
okay boys and girls! Can anyone make any comments amount her
piece? What did you like about it? What words did you think were
descriptive and precise that you want to use in your own pieces?

Now that we have gone over Jane Aragons Salt Hands, I would like you
all to go back to working in your own personal narratives and I would
like you all to try to change at least 2 words in your piece. If you have
any questions please raise your hand and wait patiently till I can get to
you.

Salt Hands
By: Jane Aragon
In the night I woke up.
I heard something outside like a rustle or a breath.
There was a deer under the pear tree. The moon
Cast a shadow of his antlers on the ground.
I went to the door. It was dark. It was still. The night
Air was warm. I didnt want to frighten the deer, so
Quietly I went in and sprinkled some salt into my hands.
I walked outside and stepped toward him silently. He looked
At me . His eyes were big and brown. He watched me for a long time.
Is sat on the grass. The deer flicked his white tail back and forth.
I sang a song to him softly, while he ate on fallen pears.
He shook his head and moved his ears. He was listening to my song.
HE moved closer to me cautiously. I said my song. Then slowly, I held
out my hands.
My heart beat quickly as I sat as still as the grass, as still as the night.
I didnt want him to run away.
There was not a sound as he came near me. He came very close. As
I looked up at him, I could see into his eyes. They were gently and
I knew he was not afraid.
He lowered his head calmly and sniffed my hands. Then he tasted the
salt.
For a moment I held my breath. I didnt move. His whiskers tickled
My fingers. I kept my palms still. He licked my hands until the salt
Was all gone.
When he finished, he raised his head and turned away slowly and
walked off into the night.

Salt Hands
By: Jane Aragon
In the night I woke up.
I heard something outside like a rustle or a breath.
There was a deer under the pear tree. The moon
Cast a shadow of his antlers on the ground.
I went to the door. It was dark. It was still. The night
Air was warm. I didnt want to frighten the deer, so
Quietly I went in and sprinkled some salt into my hands.
I tiptoed outside and stepped toward him silently. He looked
At me . His eyes were big and brown. He watched me for a long time.
I knelt on the grass. The deer flicked his white tail back and forth. I
Sang a song to him softly, while he nibbled on fallen pears.
He shook his head and twitched his ears. He was listening to my song.
He moved closer to me cautiously. I whispered my song. Then
Slowly, I held out my hands.
My heart beat quickly as I sat as still as the grass, as still as the night.
I didnt want him to run away.
There was not a sound as he came near me. He came very close. As
I looked up at him, I could see into his eyes. They were gently and
I knew he was not afraid.
He lowered his head calmly and sniffed my hands. Then he tasted the
salt.
For a moment I held my breath. I didnt move. His whiskers tickled
My fingers. I kept my palms still. He licked my hands until the salt
Was all gone.
When he finished, he raised his head and turned away slowly and
walked off into the night.

Name:__________________________________________________________ Date:
____________________

Use, and Edit Descriptive Precise Language in

Personal Narratives!
Example:
I walked outside and stepped toward him silently. He looked
at me. His eyes were big and brown. He watched me for a long
time.
Descriptive verb: Tiptoed

Is sat on the grass. The deer flicked his white tail back and forth.
I sang a song to him softly, while he ate on fallen pears.
Descriptive verbs:

He shook his head and moved his ears. He was listening to my song.
He moved closer to me cautiously. I said my song. Then slowly, I held
out my hands.
Words you want to change:

Descriptive precise language:

Rewritten sentence: