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AHolocaustSurvivorTellsofAuschwitzat18and,Again,at90NYTimes.com

http://nyti.ms/1AyjRoI

EUROPE

A Holocaut Survivor Tell of Auchwitz at 18 and,

Again, at 90
MARCH 13, 2015

TheSaturdayProfile
By ALISON SMALE

BUDAPESTHIGHabovethehubbubofBudapestsmaintouriststreet,Eva
Fahidiflits,birdlike,aroundherwarmapartment,linedwithbooksandplants.
Thesettingiscozy,andthehostessandnarrator,at90,alingeringlybeautiful
charmer.SothecontrastwiththeHolocausthorrorsheisdescribingisallthe
morecomplete.
Whenshewas18,shewas,assheputit,rippedofftheschoolbenchtobe
deportedtoAuschwitzBirkenau,oneofanestimated437,000Hungarian
JewsroundedupoutsideBudapestanddispatchedtodeathcampsinjust57
daysin1944.
AuschwitzBirkenau,sherecalled,wasnotready.Itwastoofast.Thegas
chamberswerebigenoughthatpeoplecouldstillbesuffocatedtodeath.But
thecrematoriescouldnotmanage.Socorpseswerebeingburnedonopen
fires.
Really,attheveryfirstmomentyouknewsomethingwaswrong.Itwas
thehugestenchofburningcorpsesonlywedidntknow.
Ms.Fahidilost49relativesintheHolocaust,includinghermotherand
sisterGilike,then11.HerlastglimpseofthemwasontherampatBirkenau,

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wherearrivingJewsweresortedintothosesentinstantlytothegaschambers
andthoselikeMs.Fahidiselectedforhardlaborandthusachanceat
survival.ShewaslatertransferredfromAuschwitztoMnchmhle,acamp
nearStadtallendorf,intheGermanstateofHesse.
HERfatheralsoperishedinthecamps,whosehorrorshehaschronicled
inamemoirinthis70thyearsincetheliberationofAuschwitz,andwhichshe
wishestoseejudged,finally,whenaformerAuschwitzguardgoesontrialin
GermanyinApril.
WhenIcamehomefromtheHolocaust,shesaid,usinganeveryday
phraseinGermanthatseemsimplausiblewhencontainingsomuchtragedy,
sheranrightpastthehouseinDebrecen,easternHungary,whereher
prosperousfamilyhadlived.
Thehousewassorundown,shesaid,thatIknewinstantlyIwouldnot
haveanyonetolookfor.Theinhabitantswerecompletestrangerswhoreally
didnotletmeinmyownhome.
Itturnedout,inlate1945,thatshedidhaveadistantauntandunclewho
hadsurvived.Fortwoyears,shesaid,shewasbedriddenbecauseofa
congenitalconditionthatleftherunabletositforlongperiodsafterthecamps
intheirhomeinNoveZamky,nowpartofSlovakia.Heruncle,adoctor
forcedbytheantiSemiticlawsofpostWorldWarIHungarytogethis
medicaltraininginViennaandPrague,was,likeher,anavidreader.Hegave
herMarxsDasKapital,whichshereadfromthefirstwordtothelast.
Iknew,shesmiled,thatthecapitalistworldcannotsurvive,thatmy
fatherwasanexploiterandtheonlytheologythatcanmakepeoplehappyis
Marxism.Allthis,withmybourgeoisbackground!
HerembraceofMarxismledtoayoungmanwhowithinaweekbecame
herfirsthusband.Thehaste,shesaid,reflectedherlonelinessandsenseof
displacement.
Itisunnaturalandunworthy,howIlostmyfamily,shesaid.Atmyage
now,itisnormalnottohavegrandparents,parents,unclesoraunts.Butwhen
ithappensasitdid,youcannotsimplygetoverit.
Marryingwithinaweekhappenedbecausewefeltsoterriblyalonethatit

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wasquitenaturaltosayyes,nowatleastIhaveahusband,andonebelongs
somewhere.
Wewerebothyoungandhappyanddeterminedtosavetheworldwith
Marxisttheories.Shesmiledagain.Wedidntquitesucceed.
YoungJewishMarxistslikeMs.Fahidiandherhusbanddidnotreally
realizethatRussiahadbeenpromisedalltheEasterncountriesattalksin
YaltaandPotsdam,shesaid.WhentheCommuniststurnedonJewsas
enemies,herhusbandwasamongthosearrestedandjailedin1951.Togeta
job,shewasforcedtodivorcehim,somethinghecouldnotforgivewhenhe
wasreleasedafterStalinsdeathin1953,shesaid.
Theyparted,withMs.Fahidiremarryingin1959.Beforethat,Europes
turbulent20thcenturyhistoryagainshookupherlife.
HungarysrebellionagainstCommunismin1956createdabriefwindow
offreedomduringwhichshelandedajobataforeigntradeenterprise.Even
aftertherevoltwascrushed,Ms.Fahidispreciousforeignlanguages,imparted
byherupbringinginthepolyglotformerAustroHungarianempire,enabled
hertocontinueworkinthefieldintheend,for42yearsandthustravel
abroad.
ITwasnotuntil1989,whenantiCommunistrevoltwasagainbrewing,
eventuallyfellingtheBerlinWallandtheSovietUnionitself,thatherdistant
pastbubbledup.
Hungariannewspaperspublishedannouncementsthatofficialsin
StadtallendorfwerelookingforsurvivorsoftheMnchmhlecamp.Thatwas
mycamp,shesaid.Ididntwanttobelieveit.Whatinheavensnamedid
theywantnow,after50years?
Itturnedout,shesaid,thattheGermansofStadtallendorfwantedto
askourforgiveness.
Slowly,Ms.Fahidiembarkedonajourneythroughmemorythattookher
backtoAuschwitzBirkenauonJuly1,2003,59yearstothedayaftershe
arrivedin1944.Thetreeshadgrownbeautifully,shesighed.Butnature
couldnoteradicatethepain.
Oneofthebiggestliesisthattimecouldhelp,shesaid.Timedoesnot

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help.Itonlydeepensthefeelingthatsomethingismissing.Onesimplylearns
tolivewithsuchtrauma.Andifyoudontgettothepointwhereyoucan
forgivethem,thenIthinkyoucantgoonliving.
Ineededalotoftime,shesaid.Sixdecades.
Afterthat2003visittoAuschwitzBirkenau,Ms.Fahidideclaredither
dutytosharewhatsheremembered,andwrotehermemoir,DieSeeleder
Dinge,orTheSoulofThings,publishedinGermanin2011andlaterin
Hungarian.
ShehopesespeciallytoencouragescrutinyofthepastinHungary,which
likeothercentralandeasternEuropeannationshasnotreallyexaminedits
historyoftheera.
Atsomepointithastocome,shesaid.Becausemuchrepeatsin
history,andifyoudontknowwhathappenedandwhatconsequencesithas,
thenitcanhappenveryquicklyagain.
ONthe70thanniversaryoftheliberationofAuschwitz,shespokeata
BerlinceremonyhostedbyChancellorAngelaMerkel,thentraveledwith
Germanyspresident,JoachimGauck,toAuschwitzforcommemorations
there.Her22yearoldgranddaughter,aphotographerwhopreviouslyevinced
scantinterestinhergrandmotherspast,wasalong.
NowshehadaskedhergrandmothertodrawhersectionofBirkenau.
Instead,Ms.Fahidihadmadeacollageonwood,whichshefetchedfora
visitor.Uncannily,itsomehowcapturedBirkenausdesolation.
Notonetositstillshecrackedopenabottleofredwineandfieldedat
leastthreecallsduringatwohourtalkMs.Fahidihasanewgoal.
Lastyear,shewasbitterlydisappointedwhenoneofthefewsurviving
AuschwitzguardsindictedatthislatestagebyGermanjusticediedin
Pennsylvania,adaybeforeanextraditionorderwastobeexecuted.The
deceasedman,JohannBreyer,wasborninheryear,1925,andshehadwanted
thechancetolookhimintheeyeattrialandaskhowhecouldhavestoodon
theramp.
NowtheGermanauthoritiesarepreparingtotryanotherAuschwitzcamp
guard,OskarGrning,93,inApril.Herferventwishisthathenotdiebefore

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her.
NothingistooslowforGermanjustice,shesaid,displayinggallforthe
firsttime.Theyaredoingeverythingsoyouwonthaveatrial,becauseeither
thedelinquentdies,orgetssenile.
A version of this article appears in print on March 14, 2015, on page A11 of the New York edition with
the headline: A Holocaust Survivor Tells of Auschwitz at 18 and, Again, at 90.

2015 The New York Times Company

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