Objective

Participants will leave the workshop questioning their basic assumptions about children,
parenting, and family. Specifically, they will be questioning the idea of Children need to be
controlled. They will also have a framework and specific tools for changing the way they
interact with children.
Agenda
Entry
As participants enter, have them sign in and give them pre-surveys to fill out.
Icebreaker
Purpose: Focus participants attention on the workshop.
Energy level: High
To start the workshop, facilitators gather everyone in a circle. People introduce themselves, then
play a quick energy-raising icebreaker (Peel Banana).
Ground Rules
Facilitators quickly establish the ground rules (each to be expanded upon later):
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Dont share peoples stories without permission

Dont talk when others are talking (One mic)
Dont dominate the conversation (Step back)
Take responsibility for what you say (I statements)
Respect is paramount

Discussion: What Is Abuse?

Purpose: Give participants (ideally, have them come up with on their own) a working definition
of abuse.
Energy level: Medium-High
First, have participants share their own ideas and knowledge about abuse. What does an abusive
relationship look like? Put those ideas up on a posterboard. Second, ask what a healthy
relationship looks like. Get those ideas up. Point out the dichotomies. Talk about abuse as
control, power, domination, overriding agency; healthy relationships as overriding agency. All of
this is in general terms, not specifically about parent-child relationships.
Activity: Take The Stage
Purpose: By tapping into participants lived experiences, establish (1) a common experience, (2)
the commonality of abuse, (3) the usually unseen link between normal ways of interacting with
children and child abuse.
Energy level: Low
Facilitators have participants stand in the middle of the room, then explain: Were going to
read some statements. If a statement applies to you, take the stage (stand over there); if it
doesnt, step back in that direction. If you dont know, stay in the middle. If you dont want to
answer truthfully, you may lie.

Remember, you cannot share other peoples stories without explicit permission. Also, this is a
silent activity. If you need a statement repeated, raise your hand and well say it a second time.
Finally, dont ask us to explain statements: interpret them for yourself. Are there any questions
before we get started?
The statements are:
1.
You have ever been told, Youre too young to understand. () Thank
you, go back to middle.
2.
Older teenagers scare you. () Thank you, go back to middle.
3.
An adult has ever punished you for something you did not do. () Thank
you.
4.
An adult has ever spanked, slapped, or otherwise physically punished you.
() Thank you.
5.
You have ever been scared to disagree with an adult. () Thank you.
6.
An adult has ever scared you into silence by shouting. () Thank you.
7.
An adult you live with has ever made you feel unsafe. () Thank you.
8.
(Before we read this last statement, remember, you are allowed to lie.) An
adult you live with has ever emotionally, physically, or sexually abused you. () Stay
where you are. To the people who answered yes: Go back to the middle if you were
able to walk away from that situation. () Thank you, lets get back in a circle now.
An important part of this activity is the pause (), especially for the last statement. Even four
seconds of silence can create a powerful moment of reflection. For this reason, facilitators
should stress silence before the activity begins.
Second Discussion
Purpose: Articulate the ideas formed during Take The Stage.
Energy level: Medium-Low
Everyone gathers back into a circle, sitting. Going around the circle, everyone says one word to
describe how they feel; for example, interested or angry. Then facilitators ask, Whats on
your mind that you want to share? or Did any one statement really stand out to you? to start a
discussion. Facilitators should not talk much. Their role is to guide the conversation by posing
questions. Guide it in the following directions:

The fact that What is abuse? is an open-ended question.

Do children need to be controlled?
If not, then how else can you interact with children?

The wall-to-wall activity, by focusing on lived experience rather than statistics, should make
ageism immediate and personal.
End of Discussion: Respecting Children
Return to the whiteboard/easel. A pre-prepared poster is there.
1. Communicate, dont threaten. (Identify your problem, and explain it to them.)
2. Give them a choice. (Leave them a choice. This lets them know that you respect
them enough to make their own decisions, and that you trust them to make the right
ones.)

3. Ask, Why this emotion? (If they seem to be acting irrationally or

inappropriately.)
These are three tools. Explain each, give examples. Ask participants to respond.
Major takeaways:
1.
2.
3.
lives
4.

That changing our behaviors is hard

That theres not always an easy solution
That much of this work is establishing long-term trust with the children in our
But that it is possible, and desirable, to change our behaviors

Before they leave, give them post-surveys to fill out.

PRE-SURVEY (Answer these questions before the workshop begins.)

Name: ___________________________ Age: ____ Gender: ______ Race: ________

I know what adultism is. (1 = not at all; 10 = everything)

1

10

POST-SURVEY (Answer these questions after the workshop ends.)

I know what adultism is. (1 = not at all; 10 = everything)
1

10

Has your opinion of childhood and parenting changed? (1 = not at all; 10 = completely)
1

10

How much did you enjoy the workshop? (1 = not at all; 10 = loved it)
1

10

Could anything have been improved? If so, what?

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