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Objective

Participants will leave the workshop questioning their basic assumptions about children,
parenting, and family. Specifically, they will be questioning the idea of Children need to be
controlled. They will also have a framework and specific tools for changing their behavior.
Agenda
Entry
As participants enter, have them
sign in
and give them
pre-surveys
to fill out.
Icebreaker
Purpose: Focus participants attention on the workshop.
Energy level: High
To start the workshop, facilitators gather everyone in a circle. People introduce themselves,
then play a quick energy-raising icebreaker (Baby Shark).
Ground Rules
Facilitators quickly establish the ground rules (each to be expanded upon later):
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Dont share peoples stories without permission


Dont talk when others are talking (One mic)
Dont dominate the conversation (Step back)
Take responsibility for what you say (I statements)
Respect is paramount

Activity: Take The Stage


Purpose: By tapping into participants lived experiences, establish (1) a common experience,
(2) the commonality of abuse, (3) the usually unseen
link
between normal ways of
interacting with children and child abuse.
Energy level: Low
Facilitators have participants stand in the middle of the room, then explain: Were going to
read some statements. If a statement applies to you, take the stage (stand over there); if it
doesnt, step back in that direction. If you dont know, stay in the middle. If you dont want to
answer truthfully, you may lie.
Remember, you cannot share other peoples stories without explicit permission. Also, this is a
silent
activity. If you need a statement repeated, raise your hand and well say it a second
time. Finally, dont ask us to explain statements: interpret them for yourself. Are there any
questions before we get started?

The statements are:


1. You have ever been told, Youre too young to understand. () Thank you, go back
to middle.
2. Older teenagers scare you. () Thank you, go back to middle.
3. An adult has ever punished you for something you did not do. () Thank you.
4. An adult has ever spanked, slapped, or otherwise physically punished you. ()
Thank you.
5. You have ever been scared to disagree with an adult. () Thank you.
6. An adult has ever scared you into silence by shouting. () Thank you.
7. An adult you live with has ever made you feel unsafe. () Thank you.
8. (Before we read this last statement, remember,
you are allowed to lie.
) An adult
you live with has ever emotionally, physically, or sexually abused you. () Stay
where you are. To the people who answered yes: Go back to the middle if you were
able to walk away from that situation. () Thank you, lets get back in a circle now.
An important part of this activity is the pause (), especially for the last statement. Even four
seconds of silence can create a powerful moment of reflection. For this reason, facilitators
should
stress silence
before the activity begins.
First Discussion
Purpose: Articulate the ideas formed during the first activity.
Energy level: Medium-Low
Everyone gathers back into a circle, sitting. Going around the circle, everyone says one word to
describe how they feel; for example, interested or angry. Then facilitators ask, Whats on
your mind that you want to share? or Did any one statement really stand out to you? to
start a discussion. Facilitators should not talk much. Their role is to guide the conversation by
posing questions. Guide it in the following directions:
The fact that What is abuse? is an open-ended question.
Do children need to be
controlled
?
If not, then how else can you interact with children?
The wall-to-wall activity, by focusing on lived experience rather than statistics, should make
ageism immediate and personal.
To incorporate survey statistics effectively into the
discussion, they should be
subservient
to

the knowledge established by lived


experience.
End of Discussion: Defining Abuse
Purpose: Give participants (ideally, have them come up with on their own) a working
definition of abuse.
Energy level: Medium-High

First, have participants share their own ideas and knowledge about abuse. Put them on a
posterboard. Second, ask about
consent.
Get those definitions up. Define abuse as a
disregard for consent but only if participants agree with this definition.
Activity Two: Roleplaying
Purpose: Give participants
alternatives
to standard ways of interacting with children
Energy level: High
Depending on how many people there are, we may divide up into groups.
On second thought,
I think we should do this in a large group, and I should play the role of the child plus the
second facilitator, if there is one; so maybe two large groups. The idea of this activity is to
act
out
interacting-with-children scenarios normal ones as well as alternatives to put into
practice the ideas generated by the first section.
The major takeaways from this should be
1.
2.
3.
4.

That changing our behaviors is


hard
That theres not always an easy solution
That much of this work is establishing
long-term
trust with the children in our lives
But that it
i s
possible, and desirable, to change our behaviors

Scenarios

I left my toys on the floor.


Im making a lot of noise and some people in the house are asleep.
We just came inside, you told me to take my jacket off, and I started bawling.
I just said I hate you to my older brother.
more suggestions from participants

Framework (ideas written on poster paper as they arise through constant interaction with the
audience)
1. Communicate, dont threaten. Identify your problem, and explain it to them.
2. Leave them a choice. This lets them know that you
respect
them enough to make their
own decisions, and that you
trust
them to make the right ones.
3. If they seem to be acting irrationally or inappropriately, ask,Why this emotion?
Discussion Two
Purpose: (1) Articulate the major takeaways listed above and (2) Wrap up the workshop with a
sense of finality
Energy level: Medium-Low

Once again, start the discussion by going around in a circle with each person saying one word
to describe how they feel. Then the facilitator will guide the conversation in the direction of
the stated purpose.
Close
Before people leave, have them fill out
post-surveys.

PRE-SURVEY
(Answer these questions before the workshop begins.)
Name: ___________________________ Age: ____ Gender: ______ Race: ________

I know what adultism is. (1 = not at all; 10 = everything)


1

10

POST-SURVEY
(Answer these questions after the workshop ends.)
I know what adultism is. (1 = not at all; 10 = everything)
1

10

Has your opinion of childhood and parenting changed? (1 = not at all; 10 = completely)
1

10

How much did you enjoy the workshop? (1 = not at all; 10 = loved it)
1

10

Could anything have been improved? If so, what?


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