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Mark S. Gootee
Professor Elliott
English 1100 - Section #3
18 September 2014

My Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

You are watching your television and breaking news scrolls across the screen: Military
veteran involved in a mass shooting. Four are dead and 13 are wounded. What is your first
impression? What comes to your mind when you hear a soldier shot four soldiers dead and
wounds three others? Regardless of your own thought process, the news automatically posts their
uneducated opinion. They think that in order for such a horrendous act to have taken place, the
veteran must have been suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
For anyone who is suffering from PTSD, this typical stereotype causes undue criticism
and hardships for reintegrating back into a normal life. This is my attempt, my campaign, to
educate whoever reads this essay to have a better understanding of PTSD. To take a look into my
life to see the signs and symptoms I have experienced, how it has affected me, what process I
had to engage in, and my treatment plan.
Sitting straight up in bed, I immediately go to my feet reaching to secure my M-4 rifle.
My eyes are stinging from the sweat as I try harder to focus on grabbing my weapon. I cannot
find it. A feeling of panic starts to rush through me, then a voice interrupts. What are you
doing? As I look in the direction of the familiar voice, my focus becomes clear. It is my wife
Maria. She sees that I am drenched with sweat and have a confused look on my face. You are

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safe at home, baby. Pausing for a moment she again asks if I am okay. Mixed emotions of
embarrassment, confusion, and anger run through me as I stand there finally becoming aware of
my surroundings, awaking from another nightmare drenched in my sweat. A feeling of panic
creeps into my mind as I search for any reason of what is happening to me. Changing my
drenched clothes, I think to myself, At least I was not shouting and screaming as I had done so
before.
These two things, nightmares and night sweats, are all very common in people suffering
from PTSD. Other common symptoms are isolation, depression, anxiety, flashbacks, and anger.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder can manifest itself after any person experiences or is involved in
a traumatic event. The timeline for the manifestation can be immediately after the incident or can
take months or years to surface. PTSD has no prejudice of race, sex, gender, social status, or
cultural background. Although PTSD is common with military personnel, many people do not
realize it is also associated with people who have experienced car accidents, seen someone die,
abuse, and other severe incidents.
After coming home from each deployment, Maria noticed changes in me which I had not
noticed myself. It was not until I retired from the military that my symptoms became worse and
the night sweats and nightmares went from occasionally to a few times a week. Going to the
movies or going out to dinner was not an option for me anymore. I could not handle large
crowds. I could not even go to a grocery store alone for fear of another panic attack. I was shorttempered, angry, and experienced anxiety more frequently followed by depression. The worst
part was being in denial. I thought this was normal for my situation and that I could handle it
until it passed. Well, it never passed, and only got worse. Even though I knew about PTSD, I did
not think it could happen to me.

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Realizing what it was doing to me and my family was hard for me to see until my wife
intervened and gave me an ultimatum of getting help or being on my own. My family was
walking on eggshells around me and my relationship with them was deteriorating. I love my
family and realizing what I was doing to them left me disappointed with myself. The heart
wrenched feeling of losing my family sent me to seek help and begin a new battle, not with a
terrorist or foreign threat, but a battle within myself.
I remember talking to my therapist and going over what was happening to me and the
effects it was having on my family. He told me that it is common for people in the military to
feel like these symptoms are normal and it was important that I had identified this and was
seeking help. The behavioral plan for me was launched with therapy in helping me process
things in order to move on. The medical plan was medications to help with my anxiety,
depression, anger, and insomnia.
While my plan was in place, this was not an overnight fix and the recovery process takes
some time. Recovery from PTSD is not always easy. You have to relive the traumatic events in
order to process them and still deal with the symptoms on a daily basis. I will tell you that the
support from my family, friends, and medical staff at the Veteran Affairs hospital have made a
big impact on my road to recovery. It is helping me overcome my anxieties and deal with myself
in order to find peace and resolution.
If you search on the Internet for military veteran mass shooting, or mass shooting with
PTSD military veteran, you will find two shootings. One had terrorist intentions and the other
had criminal intentions. Neither of these incidents was due to PTSD. The next time you hear the
news or overhear a conversation about a military veteran and before assumptions are made, think

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about this essay. Research things before you come to a conclusion. Remember that military
veterans who suffer from PTSD would more likely hurt themselves before hurting someone else.
A year ago you would not find me in a college setting. My recovery and support has
brought me to this time and place where I am finding a resolution to reintegrate back into a social
and academic environment. I am blessed to have a great support system as well as a great
university to attend as I strive with recovery and find peace in my life.