Lauren Plog

Prof. Marshall
English 101
November 18th, 2014

1. Artifact:

Commentary:
This artifact is a snapshot of comments left by other students in English 101 on
canvas responding to my post. This was an assignment where we each had to comment
on two other students posts and share our ideas with them. As a student, this assignment
was very useful to me. It helped me gain an extra perspective on the topic and it also
helped me think about ideas that I had previously overlooked. I was able to see what the

other students thought about this topic and why they thought what they did. This artifact
relates to my topic in my Presentation Essay because it proves how easy it is for others to
join a conversation and comment on others thoughts. These comments are very
constructive, unlike the way I portray comments made in my essay, however, it shows
that multimedia makes it a social norm to comment on what others have posted on the
internet.
2. Artifact:

Commentary:
This is a comment that I left on my final draft of my first essay that I wrote for
English 101. Here, I am attempting to explain my rhetorical decisions. By commenting
on my own work and having to explain the decisions I made, it made making rhetorical
decisions in the future a bit easier. Just like the first artifact, I am using media to share
ideas. These comments are also constructive and are meant to only improve my writing
but it also shows how multimedia increases the ability to comment on others work.
3. Artifact:
Lauren Plog
Prof. Marshall
English 101
December 1st, 2014

Dear Allie,
So far, your essay looks great. I really enjoyed your personal insight/ I say in
the introduction. Having witnessed a situation first-hand where a mother drugs her child
to get money from others adds to your credibility. However, there are some sentences in
your introduction that could be cut out. For example the sentence I was able to look
upon the architecture in Barcelona and the crowded streets of Florence, admiring the
uniqueness and contrasts from American culture. is not necessarily useful in your
introduction. You could also combine a few sentences. For example your first sentence
could say Ever since the summer of 2013 when I traveled across Europe, I have had a
hankering to travel. By doing this you can eliminate the sentence, This sense of
adventure and exploration came spilling out of me when I toured around Europe that
summer and I have had a hard time containing it inside of myself ever since.
In the start of your second paragraph, you say, If these homeless gypsies were to
become more educated in the opportunities they could be participating in, they would be
less likely to use this method of gaining an income and better their economic standing
through their involvement in society. I would rephrase this sentence because this seems
to clearly answer your CIQ that you state later in the paragraph.
In your third paragraph you apply quotes and ideas from Sullivans Why I Blog
to your topic. I think the quote that you chose works very well. To vertically develop this
idea further, you could add an I say after the quote and how you analyze it.
In your conclusion, too add to your logos, you could rephrase the last sentence
from a question to a statement. For example, you could say Homeless gypsies will only
advance in their economic and social standings as well as furthering their education on

opportunities within their community to the extent that they participate, etc Overall,
your essay makes great connections to the texts that we have read in class, just be
cautious of your organization.
Sincerely,
Lauren Plog
Commentary:
In English 101, I peer edited a few papers and wrote back to the student with
feedback. Being able to read other students writing and recognize their mistakes helped
me recognize my mistakes in my own writing. This also sparked many ideas for my
writing and it allowed me to think of different ways to go about evolving my thesis. By
doing this activity, I found out that I learn best when I am able to read many different
types of writing and think of how others can improve.
4. Artifact:

Commentary:
This is a comment that my sister had made on my first essay when I sent it to her
for revision. By having my sister give me feedback on my writing, I was participating in
English 101 outside of the classroom. All of the comments that she made on my writing
had the same concepts that we talked about in class, but in different words. This helped
me to fully understand the material. It also allowed me to see how I could apply those
concepts to my own writing. Over the course of this class, I have learned that I am a
better learner when I can interact with others and talk about concepts.

5. Artifact:

Commentary:
My final artifact is a portion of the notes I made when the class did a Fishbowl
Discussion. By participating in a discussion as well as listening to the other discussions, I gained
new perspectives on the same ideas. Many students pointed out things that I had overlooked.
Sometimes, other students would come to the same conclusion that I had come to, but the way
that they got there was slightly different. Much like my previous artifacts, this artifact represents
how I learn best. Interacting with other students and discussing topics is a way that I can come to
a deeper understanding of classroom material.