There was a period of time where I hated myself.

I couldnt stand to look in the mirror or be

alone with myself. I fought myself with everything; I couldnt be supportive of myself, always tearing
myself down. It was an awful part of my life, and I wasnt only a pain to myself, but to those around me.
While I went through this period of time, I started my first real relationship. It became clear that my
depression and low self-esteem hurt those close to me, causing me to feel even worse. Because I held
myself in such low esteem, I accepted any poor treatment given to me by others. From family members
looking down on me, to manipulative relationships, I internalized the negative energy around me,
thinking I deserved it. I reached out for help in November of 2011, but I wasnt whole-heartedly ready to
change. Therapy helped, but somehow I was still caught in the cycle of negative thoughts. The next
summer, said first boyfriend broke up with me, leaving my world shattered. Being alone was my worst
fear and I was faced with it now. I was forced to be alone and get comfortable with myself. I didnt have
the best support system at home and I only had myself to help me heal. I isolated myself for several
months; I stopped hanging out with friends and I stopped talking to those around to me. I learned to
take care of myself. I learned that it was okay to be alone in your room and that your time doesnt have
to be spent hating yourself. While I wasnt practicing radical self-love yet, it was a step in the right
direction. I had started reducing the self-love deficit.
While I was in isolation, I bought Full Frontal Feminism. I started reading it and it made sense to
me. Now, feminism wasnt a new concept, I had several older friends who identified as feminists. I
finished the book and found that I felt better about myself. Feminism is about empowerment and I
understood that. It was the first time I had really heard hey, you can do anything you want with your
life, youre strong and beautiful. I looked further into body-positivity and learned that I dont have to
live up to societys beauty standards. Ive never been overweight, usually the contrary, but during my
freshmen year of high school, I was routinely called fat by a boy as a joke, and it hit home. The body
positivity movement helped shift my view of my body from something pretty negative to being healthy.
It taught me something more important though, that fat is not a synonym for bad. I continue to support
this movement because its a fact that women are misrepresented in the media. Judged first on our
looks, more importance is placed on our appearance than our personality or intellect. I have an eight
year old niece and Im already seeing how the media affects her. My sister isnt around a lot and my
niece is being raised by television and youtube videos. It breaks my heart that her only women role
models are Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry. Shes too young to understand female politicians like Hillary
Clinton, so she looks up to women she sees in the movies. A lot of women protagonists in films are still
sex props, and though they look empowered, they are one-dimensional characters cast in scantily clad
clothing. They get their empowerment through their sexuality, and though embracing your sexuality is
important, women are reduced to objects if thats where all their power is coming from. A thought
occurred to me while reading Manifesta, television is commonly referred to as the boob tube. Its a
common phrase, one my parents use all the time, but when you take time to look at the phrase, it
highlights the misogyny we see in the media. Breasts all over television, because thats what people
want to see, therefore women are just there to fill the need for boobs.
I started this paper before reading chapter 3 of Manifesta, and when I opened the book today, I
was pleasantly surprised to see that it, too, was talking about women and the media. As opposed to
being focused on misrepresentation as I was, the chapter focused on womens roles in journalism. Some
things stood out to me: the reactions to Times article Is Feminism Dead? and the absence of
attribution to the womens movement. The article spawned angry letters from feminists everywhere

and Baumgardener and Richards point out the women wrote negative things about Time, but did not
write positively about the activism by feminists everywhere. This is something I continually see with
feminists around me, theyll point out the negatives, but dont bring to light the strides we have
accomplished. I mentally added this to my list of things on How to Be a Better Feminist. If we raise
awareness about how much feminism has done and praise the activists, feminism will be put in a more
positive view. Thats an issue that I feel harshly about, I believe that feminism only gets negative
publicity and is therefore universally viewed as negative. Having been educated about these topics, I
know that feminism has impacted the world for the better, but there is a stigma about feminism. When
young women (and men) feel uncomfortable talking about their feminism, that is when we know that
feminism is looked down upon and seen as something to be ashamed of. I routinely find myself
desperately trying to show that Im normal and just like you and not an extremist and a misandrist.
If the media and other activists highlighted what has been accomplished, there wouldnt be the barrier
of confusion about what a feminist does. When people learn that feminism comes in the form of
volunteering at domestic abuse clinics and helping Kenyan girls stay in school, they learn that feminism
is something they can get behind. To quote Manifesta,
Refusing to attribute this kind of everyday, newsworthy work to the womens movement gives
readers the impression that feminism is about something else-usually something they cant
relate to.
Time permitting, I want to read the rest of the chapters of Manifesta, but for now, all Ive read is
the required chapters, and Thou Shalt Not Become Thy Mother. Im thoroughly intrigued by the book,
especially this section. The chapter pulled at my heart strings and made me reevaluate how good of a
daughter Ive been. I was a troubled child and I was a lot to deal with. I blamed my stepmom for not
ever being there for me; I saw her solely as a mother-figure and not as an individual person. I failed to
see that she worked over 40 hours a week and that she faced her own day-to-day adversities. I expected
her to always be understanding and compassionate, while I didnt return the favor. My guilt doesnt eat
at me though, because I know as a young child, I couldnt comprehend the idea that my parents lived
their own lives, separate from what went on at home. I was young and immature, a childs view is
limited. Because I know that a childs view is limited, I know that my daughter will think that way and I
vow to make my daughter the center of my world. Perspective is reality and I want to make her reality
the best as humanly possible. As a stepparent, its hard to make a child who isnt yours the number one
priority and I understand that when I look at our relationship. She wasnt there when I needed her
because she didnt know how to be. Now that Im independent (after I learned that I couldnt rely on my
mother figure), she is trying to connect with me, and I push away. The chapter reminded me that she is
trying her best and I need to respect that. It took years to establish a bond and I should embrace her
now that she feels comfortable reaching out. I wouldnt want to have been in her position because I
fought her tooth and nail every step of the way. Im looking forward to having my own child and making
her feel comfortable in her own skin and helping her love herself, because thats not something I got. I
dont want her to teach herself those lessons after years of self-hatred. Im trying my best to instill those
values in my niece that I mentioned earlier, but she lives in Arizona and the only interactions I have with
her are phone calls and rare visits. My sister doesnt think about the effects of her words on my nieces
fragile eight year old mind. I tried having the body image talk but it was hard to keep her attention
whilst being thousands of miles away. Im excited to be a mother so I can raise my daughter to love
herself while the whole world is fighting against her. I want to teach her to fight back. I want to teach

her that her body isnt an issue. I want to teach her that shes smart and capable. I want her to be radical
and unafraid. I want to teach her to fight back.