How to help your child

succeed in school
This publication was developed with the help of education expert
Barney J. Brawer, a former teacher and school principal. He is president
of The National Classroom, Inc.
We are also grateful to Elizabeth Dore, Ed.D., for her expert help in the
development of this booklet. Dr. Dore reviews publications for the
National Middle School Association, is president of the Virginia Middle
School Association, and is a member of the National Council of
Teachers of English.
Throughout this booklet, the term middle school refers to grades 5-8.
1994, 2005 Ceridian Corporation. All rights reserved.
2 Introduction
4 Four ways to help your child succeed in school
13 Communicating with parents, teachers, and administrators
18 Homework tips
25 Report cards and grades
28 Problem-solving and getting help
36 Success in middle school and high school

Contents

Introduction
If youre like most parents, you want your child to succeed
in school and to enjoy learning. You want school to be the
best experience it can be. You know how important a
good education is. Today, more students continue their
education after high school and many more jobs require
education and training beyond high school. Even jobs
that dont require a college degree demand increasingly
advanced skills, such as being able to work with
computers and other technology.
In this booklet youll find four key ways to help your child succeed
in school:
Be actively involved in your childs education.
Support your childs curiosity, intelligence, and hard work.
Help your child get organized.
Be a partner with your childs school.
These are things every parent can do, no matter what your job or
educational background may be. Many of the tips and suggestions in
this booklet are things you may already be doing at home. There is
advice on how to form good relationships with teachers, staff, and
administrators at your childs school. Youll find tips on how to
encourage hard work and positive motivation, and what to do about
homework struggles. Youll read about ways to participate in your
childs education every day, every week, all year long. These ideas
will work whether your child is in elementary school, middle school,
or high school. Its never too late to help your child succeed.
Helping our children do well in school is one of our most important
responsibilities as parents, says school-success expert Barney J. Brawer,
a former teacher and school principal. We must support our
childrens academic success and help them get on a path that opens
up opportunities for the rest of their lives. It is one of the greatest gifts
we can ever give them.
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School success takes work on everyones part. It takes
work on the part of parents, teachers, and children. On
the pages that follow youll read about four ways you can
help your child succeed in school.

Four ways to
help your child
succeed in school
5

Be actively involved in your childs education.

Get to know your childs teachers. Go to school meetings and
special events like plays and holiday shows. Know when a test is
coming up or a report is due. Here are some other ways you can be
actively involved:
Walk or drive your child to school when you can. If you drive your
child, every now and then park the car and take a minute to go in if
you can. Getting to know teachers and staff will help you and your
child connect with school, especially in the elementary years.
Find out about school and become familiar with your childs
schedule. Its easier to have conversations about school if you know
the names of all your childs teachers and whats going on in the
classroom and at school. That way you can ask specific questions.
I heard youre taking a trip to the town library next week. What are
you studying? Are you going to enter a project in the upcoming
science fair? Is your music class working on anything to perform
for the holiday concert?
Talk about school every day. Try to ask open-ended questions rather
than questions that can be answered with a one-word response.
Instead of asking, How was school?which is likely to produce a
response like OKyou might ask, What do you think of the
new art teacher? Ask specific questions. What did your teacher say
about the math homework? Avoid focusing too much on grades
and test scores, which may cause your child to feel stressed and
anxious. Youll learn more about your childs school life if you ask
questions that focus on learning instead of grades. Instead of asking,
What did you get on the test? try asking, What did you think of
the test?
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5
Make school a part of your family life. When your child does well,
celebrate her success as a family. Encourage everyone in the family
to attend a childs concert, game, or performance. Make a special
meal to celebrate, or all go out together for an ice cream. When your
child has a school project, invite relatives and friends to share their
knowledge. Remember that no one succeeds in school without the
help of many other peopleteachers, parents, and caring adults in
the community.
Notice when your child needs help. Watch for signs that your child
may be having difficulty with schoolwork, teachers, or friends. Here
are some things to watch for: a dramatic change in behavior (such as
when a very talkative child becomes very quiet), a sudden drop in
grades, your child saying day after day, I dont have any homework,
not wanting to go to school. If your child is having a difficult time,
there are many ways to work with teachers and the school to find
solutions and support. These are described later in this booklet.
Help your child find positive friendships. Your child will turn to
peers for acceptance, support, and approval throughout all his years
in school. Healthy friendships can have a positive influence on your
childs personality and schoolwork. Get to know your childs friends.
Invite them to your home. Make a list of friends names, phone
numbers, and their parents names. Find opportunities to talk to the
parents of new friends. Encourage friendships that promote learning
and a positive attitude toward school.
Every child can be successful in school. Thats the message we need
to give our kids. You can do it. Its important to remember that,
especially when the road gets a little bumpy.
Barney Brawer, school-success expert
7

Support your childs curiosity, intelligence,

and hard work.
Here are some ways you can encourage your child to work hard and
be a curious and active learner:
Praise and celebrate your childs efforts and accomplishments. Focus
on how much she wanted to do a good job and how hard she worked.
Praise your child for trying hard and sticking with it. The effort is
even more important than the final grade. Praise and celebrate every
child in your family all year longnot just when report cards come
out. Display your childs papers and artwork on the refrigerator. Tell
your child how wonderful her work is.
Read often to your child and encourage your child to read. Your
child is never too young for you to read aloud to him. Your child is
never too old to listen to you read aloud. The more your child reads,
the better prepared he will be to handle harder and harder school-
work as he moves up the grades.
Be interested in all the questions that your child asks. Try to answer
or talk about those questions, even if you feel busy or tired. When-
ever you can, take the time to help your child find the answers to
questionsby looking in books, by asking an expert, by figuring
it out.
Take trips to the public library. Make friends with the librarians.
Ask the librarian to help you find the best and most interesting
books for your child.
Plan family outings to museums, zoos, parks, and historical places.
Going somewhere interesting doesnt have to cost a lot of money. A
trip to an interesting place gives adults and children of different ages
lots to talk about, read about, and tell others about.
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Do projects around the home together. Carpentry, cooking, sewing,
gardening, fixing things, painting, and arts and crafts all offer oppor-
tunities to learn. Your child gets to use her own ideas and learn new
skills. I made it! and I fixed it! are exciting statements for a child
to make.
Limit the amount of TV your child watches. The American Academy
of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that parents limit their childrens
TV viewing to one to two hours of good shows a day. The AAP also
recommends that families take advantage of interesting programs
offered on video. Often you can borrow excellent videos from the
public library for free.
Be curious and show an interest in learning yourself. If you dont
know how to spell a word, let your child see you look it up in the
dictionary. If you have always wanted to learn how to play the guitar
or piano, start taking lessons when your child begins music lessons.
Talk with your children about news events, politics, and topics your
child may be studying at school. Encourage your child to voice his
opinions. Children who participate in mealtime or family conversa-
tions with parents are more likely to be successful in talking with
teachers and other adults.
Encourage your child to make handmade gifts and cards. Your child
might write poems to thank your relatives for presents, or to wish
them a happy birthday. Drawings are good gifts, too. Grandma will
enjoy receiving a handmade gift from her grandchild.
Involve your child in family decisions. Let your child help plan
meals for the week. Talk about the travel time and the cost of tickets
for an upcoming visit to see relatives. Help your child use her ideas
and math skills to help with household tasks. She can write lists and
check off jobs when they are done.
Have high expectations for your child. Everyone can be successful
in school. Give that message to your child again and again. Say,
I know that studying for that history test is hard work. I know you
can do it! Explain that when the work is hard, you have to try hard.
8

Help your child get organized.

We all do better work when we manage our time well and organize
the tasks in front of us. Here are some ways to help your child get
organized for school:
Put a family calendar in the kitchen and write down important
school dates. Write down when parents night at school will be,
when report cards are coming out, when conferences take place,
and when the holiday show will be. As soon as you receive an
announcement of a coming event, write it down on the calendar.
Talk with your spouse or partner about events on the calendar so
that you both know whats coming up. If your childs other parent
doesnt live with you, give him or her a call so everyone can plan in
advance for an important event. If you know you will not be able to
attend a program at school, ask another family member or friend if
she can be there in your place.
Make sure there is a quiet space at home where your child can study
without distractions. Make sure it has good lighting. Turn off the TV.
Let younger children know that they have to let their sister work on
her assignments because it is important to do them carefully.
Help your child make lists and charts that will help him remember
what he has to do. Make a check or star when each job is finished.
Have a specific place for your childs books, papers, and school
assignments. Papers and books kept in a special place wont get lost.
Check your childs backpack every day for any school notices or
announcements. As your child gets older, appreciate his need for
privacy and let him check his bag for you.
Make a folder for the papers that come home from school. Keeping
lists and notices about school events in one place will save you time
when you are looking for them. You might organize a folder with
divider sections. You could label one section Sports and another
section Class lists. You can buy a special folder with sections at a
store that sells office supplies.
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Be sure your child has all the necessary school supplies all year long,
not just when the new school year starts. These include a dictionary,
paper, pens and pencils, a pencil sharpener, markers, a ruler, tape,
scissors, glue, paper clips, and a calculator.
Help your child learn to organize homework and school papers.
See the Homework tips section in this booklet for suggestions.
Make sure that your child gets a good nights sleep and eats well.
A healthy breakfast and lunch can help your child do well in school.
Healthy snacks like sandwiches, fruit, and milk give your child
energy for learning.
Offer your help and support. If your sixth-grader finds that her
science assignment is overwhelming, help her think through the
steps needed to tackle it. If your teenager is up late studying, stay up
too and catch up on your reading, laundry, or paying the bills. You
dont have to be in the same room. Knowing you stayed up while
your son worked, or that you brought your daughter a healthy snack
while she finished her assignment, will mean a lot. Your child will
remember that you cared.
Be a partner with your childs school.
Being a partner with your childs school means working together
with teachers, assistants, the nurse, counselors, and the principal to
do whats best for your child. Here is how to do that:
Volunteer to help. If you can, spend some time at your childs
school. You will develop a good relationship with your childs
teachers. Helping at your childs school can give you a better idea of
the people and programs that are available to your child. Offer to
help out in the school library or classroom. Volunteer to chaperone a
field trip, be a class parent, or share something special about your
job with your childs class. Volunteer to work at the refreshment
stand at a football game, or offer to drive students to volunteer in a
community program. If you cant be in school during the day, you
can offer to type up field-trip forms or class lists, make class phone
calls for the teacher, donate supplies, or make nutritious snacks for
the class. You might organize a study group for the students before a
big test or final exams. Serve brain food. Teachers will appreciate
the fact that you care and that you are helping, even when youre
helping out from home.
Participate in school events throughout the year. It can be difficult
to find the time to attend games, concerts, plays, or other activities
at school, but its important to do it when you can. Invite other
family members and good friendspeople who know your child
wellto join you for these events. Try to attend school events
designed for parents, such as back-to-school nights, an open
house, or the college or university fair. Join the parent-teacher
organization at your school.
Show your appreciation. Teaching is a tough job. Remember to
thank your childs teachers and to show your appreciation through-
out the year. Write a note or stop in to say thank you when your
child enjoys a particular study unit or the teacher has given your
child extra help.
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Speak positively about school and the teacher. Try not to criticize a
teacher, assignment, or school policy in front of your child. If you
disagree with the teacher about something, work with the teacher to
resolve the problem. Adults and children need to be a team that
works together, celebrates successes together, and solves problems
together. It does not help your child to be stuck in the middle with
parent and teacher criticizing each other. Find a way to be a success-
ful team helping your child.
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Communicating
with parents,
teachers, and
administrators
Many parents wait until theres a problem or concern to
touch base with teachers or learn about their childs
school. But if you are involved in your childs schooling
only when there is a problem, it sends the wrong message
to your child: that doing well is boring and unimportant
and that you only pay attention when theres a problem.
You can help your child do well in school by getting
involved and staying involved year after yearthrough
the good and the not-so-good times.
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Whatever grade your child is in, the more you get to know the
teachers, staff, and subjects your child is studying, the better your
childs educational experience will be. Attending parent-teacher
conferences, parent meetings, and other school events will help you
get to know how things work at your childs school, what teachers
expect, when exams take place, what courses, activities, and resources
are available, and how grades are determined.
Here are some ways to build positive connections with faculty and
staff at your childs school:
Plan a visit. An easy time to visit is in the fall when most schools
schedule a night for parents. The main office at the school can give
you information about events for parents. If by October you have
not received word from the school about upcoming parent confer-
ences, contact the school to schedule one.
Touch base with your childs teachers at the beginning of the school
year to introduce yourself. This is especially important if your child
is in elementary school or middle school.
Go to the teacher when you have a question, problem, or concern.
Most teachers want to help. Teachers can also be a good source of
study tips. If you have a question or concern about your child,
schedule a time to talk with the teacher or guidance counselor.
Teachers and guidance counselors like to meet parents and want to
hear from you.
Always find a way to attend parent-teacher conferences. Almost every
school holds parent-teacher conferences. These arent really formal
conferences so much as they are conversations that you have with a
teacher about your childs schoolwork. They may involve just one
teacher or several teachers if your child is older. Parent-teacher confer-
ences provide a wonderful opportunity to let teachers know that you
want to work with them to help your child succeed in school. They
also give you a way to find out more about how your child is doing
than you can learn from a report card. The school office can give you
information about conferences and when they take place.
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About parent-teacher conferences

If both parents can attend a parent-teacher conference, that is very
helpful. Many schools ask that you leave your children at home,
including the student you will be discussing. (Ask an adult friend,
relative, or babysitter to take care of your younger children when
you attend a parent-teacher conference.) Be on time. Teachers
usually have several conferences scheduled in a row and will
appreciate your promptness. Be sure to express positive impressions
of the teacher and share any nice comments your child has made
about him or her. Everyone likes to hear good news. When you get
home, let your child know how the conference went. Be sure to
share something positive that the teacher said about your child.
Here are some questions you might ask the teacher during
the conference:
What are your goals and expectations for the year?
How is my child doing?
Does my child participate in class discussions? Is she actively
involved in learning?
How does my child get along with others? How are her friendships?
How can I help my child improve his work?
How much homework are students expected to do each night?
Whats the best way to contact you if we have a question?
How can students get extra help if they need it?
How can we find out about extracurricular activities and
sports programs?
If the school tracks or groups students by level and ability, is my
child at the right level? (If you feel that your child is over his head
or is not challenged enough, talk with the teacher about your
concerns.) Can my child get help to move to a more advanced class
if he or she is ready for harder work?
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Stay in touch with the teacher by sending a note. You might write a
note to let the teacher know if there is a new baby in the family, if a
relative is sick, or if some other change is affecting your child. You
can write a note to ask the teacher to call you to discuss an issue.
(Be sure to give your phone number and a time when the teacher
can reach you.) Do not use notes to raise objections, complain about
problems, or to discuss confidential information. Instead, use the
note to request a meeting and then discuss the issue in person or on
the phone.
If you have e-mail, thats a good way to stay in touch. Many schools
now have e-mail and you may have access to e-mail as well. Find out
if your childs teachers like to use e-mail to communicate about
homework or other academic issues. Never use e-mail to address
sensitive concerns or share confidential information. It is best to do
this in person or on the phone.
Meet with the guidance counselor if you have questions or concerns.
When you have concerns about your child, or when your child is
is about to make an important transition, like going from elemen-
tary school to middle school, or starting to think about college or
university, make sure to meet with your childs guidance counselor.
You can talk with the guidance counselor about
- how often standardized tests are given, what they measure, and what
the results mean
- how decisions are made about placing children in class levels and
matching students with particular teachers
- what the counselor/student ratio is
- how to select and plan appropriate courses for your child
- how to help your child apply to college or university, to a training
program, or for a job after high school
Meet with the school psychologist or school social worker if you
have questions or concerns or wish to talk about your child.
Many schools have a school psychologist or social worker on staff or
on call to meet with parents and with students. You can talk with
the school psychologist or social worker about
- what programs and assistance the school provides for children with
learning difficulties
- family concerns
- behavioral or academic concerns you may have about your child
If you feel your family would benefit from seeing the guidance
counselor or school psychologist, contact the school and ask to
schedule a meeting.
Talk with other parents about your school. The parents of your
childs friends and other parents in the community will have valuable
information about teachers, administrators, homework, curriculum,
and social issues. The more you share about school with other
parents, the better you will understand your childs experience. And
feeling that you are part of a community can help everyone in your
family feel positive about school.
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Homework tips
Teachers at every grade level are now assigning more
homework than they used to. In some communities, even
children in kindergarten or first grade may be expected to
do an hour or so of homework a night. High school
students may have three or four hours of homework a
night, and more work on the weekends.
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Homework is an important part of every childs education. It teaches

responsibility as well as how to follow directions, manage time,
begin and complete a task, and practice whats been learned in class.
It teaches children how to work independently and be resourceful.
Developing responsible homework habits comes gradually for most
children. How much help you give your child with homework will
depend on his or her age and the homework task. A third-grader, for
example, usually needs help planning a school project. You may need
to walk him through each step and monitor the work.
Some children work independently and need very little help from
parents with homework. But most children need some support.
They need help learning how to organize their work, getting started
or completing their work, and knowing what to do when they reach
a roadblock. All children need encouragement, too. Experts agree
that parental involvement is key when it comes to homework.
Here are some tips and suggestions on how to help your child
with homework:
Make it clear that homework is a priority and that you are serious
about its importance. You might say to your child, I need to see
that you are working on that science report in advance, not just the
day before its due. I need to look at your work and see that its
done carefully. Repeat these messages frequently with each child in
your family.
Tell your child, Ask for help if you get stuck or dont understand
the homework. Say, Its your job to ask for help. If I cant help
you, Ill find someone who canwhether its the teacher, a friend,
or a neighbor. Remind your child that its OK to make mistakes.
Thats the way we learn.
If your child is in elementary school or middle school, meet with the
teacher at the beginning of the school year and ask about homework.
How much time should your child be spending on homework? Are
there regularly scheduled tests? Its helpful to know, for instance, that
the math teacher gives a quiz every Friday. This way you can help
your child prepare.
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Find out the best way to get in touch with the teacher if you have a
question about homework. Can you call? Drop by at a certain time?
Many schools now have a homework hot line or Web site where
homework assignments are posted or listed daily. Ask the teacher if
this is available at your school.
Ask the teacher how your child can get help with homework. Many
teachers are willing to give extra help and support before or after class
and can also recommend where to get tutoring if your child needs it.
Make every effort to have your home be a good place for learning.
Some children say they can study effectively with the television,
radio, stereo, or headphones on. But in fact, this can make it very
hard for your child to concentrate, especially if the work is difficult
or challenging. If possible, set up a homework station far enough
away from your familys television that your child will not be
distracted by it. Or just make it family policy not to turn on the
television until homework is completed.
Have homework supplies on hand at home. Make sure your child
has paper, pencils, a dictionary, a calculator, and good light to read
by throughout the school year. You can make life easier by also
having special supplies on hand, like poster board, markers, and
glue. That way your child wont get stuck the night before a big
project is due.
Be sure your child has an assignment book. Look for an assignment
book that lists the days of the week, with spaces for each class period
to note assignments. These are available at drug, office supply, and
stationery stores. Many schools now require a specific type of
assignment book. If the school doesnt supply an assignment book,
its best to ask the teacher before going out to buy one.
Help your child develop a homework routine. Children need time to
unwind after school. They need time to play with friends, partici-
pate in extracurricular activities, and relax before they settle down to
work and study. But children also need consistency and a routine
time each day for doing homework. Stop and think about what goes
on in your household after school. What time does everyone get
home? Is your child too tired to do schoolwork in the evening? Does
she have more energy before dinner? Talk with your child and reach
an agreement about when and where he or she will do homework.
The time may change from day to day, depending on your childs
schedule. Keep in mind that your right time to do homework may
not be your childs right time.
Help your child get started. Encourage your child to take a few
minutes every day, before he starts his homework, to go over all of
his assignments and decide which need his attention first. With a
younger child, you might read the assignments together to make
sure he understands them. Then ask how long he thinks each part
will take. Help older children break a heavy homework load into
manageable parts so they dont feel overwhelmed. You may not
always be able to control when your child finishes his homework.
But you can help him get started by giving him reminders and
making him aware of the time.
Dont expect your child to complete all the work in one sitting.
Many children, especially those under the age of 10 or 11, have
trouble working steadily for long periods. Sitting for 15 or 20
minutes is usually comfortable for younger elementary kids. Some
children in middle school may be able to extend the time. But
remember that short breaks can help your child stay focused. Your
child may need to take breaks, get up, have a snack, and then go
back to work.
Help your child plan ahead for big projects and crunch times.
We all tend to put things off. You can help with school projects by
teaching your child how to break big projects into smaller pieces.
One good way to plan for a large assignment is to work backwards.
For instance, if a research report is due in six weeks, your child might
plan on having the rough draft completed in five weeks and the
research in three to four weeks. Then set aside time to check on your
childs progress. If your child has a number of big assignments due at
the same time, remind her to start some of them early. You might
buy a big desk calendar or planner. Theyre inexpensive and can be
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found at most office supply stores. Your child can use it to keep track
of work and projects. Being able to see the whole month at a glance
is helpful.
Plan a time to take your child to the library. School or local libraries
are excellent resources for children. Your child can use the computer
there and get research help from librarians as well as take advantage
of a quiet place to do homework.
If your child has a computer to use, he or she can get homework
help on the Internet. There are good sites on the Internet that
offer homework help. Some even allow your child to e-mail a
teacher or another expert for help. You might begin by going to
www.homeworkcentral.com. Two other good Web sites are
http://homeworktips.about.com for U.S. students and www.schoolnet.ca
for Canadian students. You can ask a teacher or childrens librarian
to help you find sites designed for your childs age group. If you
dont have a computer at home, free public libraries have them and
the librarian can help your child get started. Just keep checking to
make sure that your child isnt instant messaging with friends instead
of using the computer for homework.
Ask about homework every day, every week, every month, all the way
through the school year. Stay on top of whats due and whats coming
up, and help your child remember it. Even in high school, experts
agree that its a good idea to check on your childs homework.
Have your child make a habit of putting homework in a regular
place, such as in the front pocket of his notebook. This way he can
find it easily in class.
Offer to help, but dont do the work for your child. You might say,
When youre done studying, I can test you to see if you know your
multiplication tables. Offering to help is very different from taking
over. If you take over, her assignment may be completed quickly, but
your child will not learn as much. Children learn best by doing. If
your child gets stuck on a difficult assignment, help her work
through the problem but dont solve it for her. If the homework is
too hard for either of you, find someone who can help.
If homework is consistently too easy or too hard, be sure to let the
teacher know.
Make sure you offer lots of encouragement and praise. Although they
may not show it, even high school students appreciate support and
praise when they are doing schoolwork. Sometimes its enough to say,
Can I get you something to eat or drink while youre studying? Do
you need any supplies from the store?
When you cant be home to help
What about those times when you cant be home to help with
homework? Here are some suggestions:
Find out if your school has a homework hot line that your child can
call to confirm assignments or ask questions.
Set up a calendar or schedule so that you and your child are clear
about what needs to get done when youre not there.
Leave reminders. You might leave a note on the kitchen table
reminding your child to get going on his homework. Or remind
him to leave the finished work on the table for you to review when
you get home.
If possible, call home periodically from work to find out how
your child is doing with her homework. Ask, Hows it going?
Be specific. Ask, Do you have any questions about your math
assignment? Are you making progress on the science project?
Ask a family member or friend to check in with your child.
Remember that your child needs encouragement whether youre
home or not. Show excitement about the projects your child
completes in your absence.
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Homework checklist to share with your child

List your assignments in order of priority and with due dates.
Think about how much time each will take.
Have everything you need before you get startedbooks, paper,
a dictionary, etc.
Jot down any questions you have about the work. Call a classmate
for clarification. Or follow up with your teacher to explain any
instructions or things you dont understand.
Check your work when youre done. Check math problems with a
calculator. Read over any written work. Sometimes its better to
wait a little before you check a paper or report so you can read it
with a fresh eye.
Reward yourself when you finish an especially challenging task.
Take a break and call a friend, watch a favorite show, read for fun,
or listen to music.
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Report cards
and grades
Most of us are concerned about our childrens grades
but we dont always know how to react when a grade
or report card is disappointing. How do you react when
your childs grades are not as good as they could be?
How do you react when the grades are wonderful? Some
suggestions follow.
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Make sure you understand what the report says. Grades and reports
can be confusing. If you do not understand what the report card says,
contact the teacher with your questions. Try not to be defensive.
Praise your child for the work behind good grades. Focus on effort
and improvement rather than on the grade itself. Try saying, You
really worked hard. Your efforts really paid off. Be sure to pay
attention to hard work, not just to As and Bs.
Celebrate and praise good grades, but avoid giving rewards like
money or gifts. Research shows that giving rewards like money, toys,
or other gifts are poor motivators over time. Material rewards for
good grades provide a temporary incentive to achieve but are not
useful in the long run. Your childs own need to succeed is the best
kind of motivation there is. On occasion, a small, unexpected
reward may help to bring a child out of a slump.
Try to look at poor grades not as a sign of failure but as a sign that
your child may need help. Then problem-solve about how to get
that help. Focus on the solution rather than the problem. If your
child is old enough, involve him in finding solutions. Ask, What
do you think you could do to remember what you learn in class
every day? or How can we help you do better in social studies?
Poor grades can be a sign that your child may need help getting
organized, doing homework, or preparing for tests. Your childs
teachers may have ideas about how to help. Work with the teacher
to do whats best for your child.
Never make negative or hurtful comments about grades to your
child. Poor grades are painful for children. If you feel disappointed
by a low grade or a disappointing report card, its important not to
make comments that only make your child feel worse. Instead, try
offering support. You might say, It looks like youre really having
trouble with English. I know you can do better. Lets talk with the
teacher and see what we can do to make it easier for you so you can
improve next term.
Dont punish your child for poor grades. If your child is not measur-
ing up to her abilities, you may want to set firm limits, focus on a
homework schedule, talk to the teacher, or seek help from a tutor.
Talk with your child and seek solutions together. You might ask,
How can we work together to help you understand fractions better?
Think about whether you are placing undue pressure on your child
to achieve. Do you insist on all As and Bs? Do you insist that your
child make the honor roll every term? Remember that grades are no
guarantee of success or failure in life. Grades are only one measure of
your childs talents, achievements, and abilities.
Build on your childs strengths. Try to identify what your child does
best, and give him opportunities to excel. For example, if your child
is outgoing and speaks well but has trouble reading or writing down
his ideas, he might enjoy drama or debating club.
Be alert to grades that may not be accurate. Encourage your child to
speak to his teacher when he is puzzled by a grade. Be willing to
help him look into the problem if necessary. Help him rehearse what
he could say to his teacher without seeming defensive.
Value all of your childs achievements. Celebrate achievements in art,
sports, music, and extracurricular activities.
Accept grades for what they areexternal measures of success that
reflect school performance at a particular time. Encourage your child
to do her best, but try not to place too much emphasis on grades.
27

Celebrate all of your childs successesthe good grade, the

paper that was completed on time, the extra effort he or she
put into an assignment. Dont let these things go unnoticed.
Barney Brawer, school-success expert

Problem-solving
and getting help
All children have their ups and downs in school. There
may be an issue with a teacher or class, or a problem with
another child at school. Your child may experience
academic or behavior problems that interfere with school
performance. Your family may be going through a period
of changea new marriage, a divorce, a serious illness or
even a death in the familyand this could be affecting
your childs behavior or academic performance. Whatever
the problem, there are resources within the school and the
community to help you handle these problems.
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Here are signs that your child may be having a difficult time or
needs extra attention:
a dramatic change in behavior (such as when an outgoing child
becomes withdrawn or has a marked change in eating patterns)
a sudden drop in grades
increased discipline problems
never seeming to have homework
not wanting to go to school
Remember the fourth secret to school success: Be a partner with your
childs school. Here is how to be a partner with your childs school
when there are problems:
Respond quickly to problems. Its always best to address a problem
right away, as soon as you are aware of it. Send a note to the teacher.
You might say, Im concerned over Tammys score on the recent
math test. Could you give me some ideas about what I can do to
help her understand the material better?
Reassure your child that you are going to work on the problem
together. You might say, Were going to get help. Well figure this
outtogether.
Try to get as much information as you can about the problem.
The more you understand about the problem, the more you can
help. If your daughter who likes science suddenly gets a poor grade
in the class, talk with her about what she thinks might be the
problem. Then talk with the teacher.
Share information about what is happening at home. If your family
is going through a difficult period or time of change, its helpful for
the teacher to know that.
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When there is a problem or difficulty, the first person you should

talk to is the teacher. Its not a good idea to go over the teachers
head by contacting the principal or another administrator. Start
with the person who knows your child bestthe teacher. Call him
or her or write a note to request a meeting. If you work during
school hours and its hard to find a time to meet with the teacher,
ask if you can talk over the phone in the evening or early morning.
Let the teacher know that your goal is to solve the problem together.
Teachers want to help children succeed and they are pleased when
parents work cooperatively to help a child get past a difficulty and
solve a problem at school.
Try not to blame or accuse. Instead of saying, You never call on my
child, you might say, Im concerned that my child may not have
enough chance to speak in class. If you are open and friendly, if
you show that you want to work together, the teacher will usually be
helpful. Problem-solving feels a lot better than blaming and accusing,
and will usually bring results.
Stay calm. It does not help to raise your voice or lose your temper
with your childs teacher. Always speak in a calm tone. Make it clear
that your family wants to work cooperatively with the school to
solve problems.
Remember that problem-solving takes time. You may need to be in
touch with the teacher several times. If your child is disruptive in
class or not completing assignments, you and the teacher may decide
to use a daily report card, where the teacher can check off good
behavior or completed assignments on a list to keep track of your
childs behavior and reward improvement. This can help you follow
up at home.
You may want to take notes when you talk with the teacher or other
members of the staff. Your childs teacher and others will probably
have suggestions for dealing with the problem you are concerned
about. Taking notes will help you remember the key points.
Meet with the guidance counselor if necessary.
Teach your child to ask for help. Repeat this message often to your
child: If youre stuck, its your job to ask for help. Asking for help is
a good thing. It shows the teacher that you want to do well.
Stay involved once the problem is worked out. Remember that its
important to be involved with your childs schooling in good times
and in difficult times.
Schools, like other institutions, sometimes make mistakes. Most
teachers are interested in communicating and working with parents,
but sometimes a teacher may not be as helpful as youd like. If you
have talked with the teacher and are not satisfied that the problem is
resolved, you may want to consider taking the following steps:
Schedule a team meeting with all your childs teachers. A team
meeting is a meeting of all of your childs teachers, the guidance
counselor, and you. Together, you can come up with a plan to solve
the problem at hand. Sometimes a team meeting can help clarify the
problem and identify solutions. The result of a team meeting is that
everyone takes some measure of responsibility for helping your child.
It may also reassure your child that you and her teachers are working
together for her benefit.
Meet with the department head, other administrator, or the
principal. If you arent pleased with a particular teachers actions or a
school policy, find out what your options are. At a meeting with an
administrator, be sure to give clear reasons for your concerns, and
specific examples.
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32

Getting help if your child is struggling

If your childs grades are slipping or remain unsatisfactory, that
means he or she needs help. Poor grades can be caused by a number
of things: a lack of basic skills, poor study habits, tension at school,
trouble with peers, or difficulties at home. Whatever the cause of the
problem, here are ways to get help for your child:
Talk with the teacher or your childs guidance counselor. If your child
is older, you may want to have this meeting with your child present.
Come away from the meeting with a plan. Once you understand why
your childs school performance has dropped or continues to be at a
low level, decide together with the school what steps to take next.
Does your child need a better structure for doing homework? More
assistance and monitoring from you and less time watching television
and talking on the phone? Less time at his after-school job? Limits on
school-night activities? More sleep? Tutoring or outside support serv-
ices? A professional evaluation by a learning specialist? Have a plan
that everyone has agreed on. It should include specifics on when your
next meeting or meetings will take place.
Everyone who succeeds in school does it with the help of many
other peopleteachers who taught them and showed them
where to find things, relatives and friends who helped when
they got stuck and sat with them when they were worried.
Were all in this together, as a family and a community.
Barney Brawer, school-success expert
33

Getting help if your child has learning difficulties

Some children have learning disabilities or difficulties with particular
subjects that require specialized help. Children who have difficulty
learning need extra help and attention. They need teachers who
understand their capabilities and know what teaching methods will
meet their needs. If, over time, your child appears to be struggling
with his schoolwork and youve met with his teachers, you may want
to have your child evaluated and tested. The school guidance coun-
selor, school psychologist, or your pediatrician can help you arrange
an evaluation. Your child is entitled to an evaluation by federal law in
the U.S. Its best to put your request for an evaluation in writing to
the school. Even if its not required, it will be easier to keep track of
the process if you do.
Sometimes parents are reluctant to have their child evaluated by a
specialist. Parents may be worried about the possibility of their child
having a learning disability. They may be concerned that their child
will be labeled negatively. However, it can be extremely valuable to
have a child tested in order to help develop an educational plan
adapted to his or her special requirements. It is important to have an
educational program that works for your child.
Learning disabilities may be hard to identify. Most children with
learning disabilities have a normal level of intelligence, and many are
very bright. They may do extremely well in some areas but have
trouble in others. Children with learning disabilities typically show
one or more of these signs:
Trouble with schoolwork. They may have problems with math or
reading, particularly with assignments that require them to put
things in order. Some children mix up words or reverse numbers or
letters. They may read b for d or 31 for 13.
Trouble understanding ideas. They may have trouble understanding
ideas that involve time or space (such as yesterday and today or
up and down). Or they may have a short attention span and
difficulty remembering things they have been told often.
34

Poor coordination. A child may seem clumsy or awkward, or find it

hard to master physical skills that are easy for other children their
age, such as tying shoes. A child may be especially accident-prone,
have trouble focusing, or have problems writing letters that are clear
and readable.
Language problems. Some children may be slow in developing the
ability to speak clearly, and may continue to have problems putting
their ideas into words. They may have difficulty understanding what
is being said to them. They may pronounce words in unusual ways
or it may be hard to understand them when they speak.
Immaturity. Some children are just young for their ageand that
may cause problems in school. They may not be able to control their
emotions or impulses as well as other children in their class, and
may become upset more easily. Although they can be charming and
spontaneous, they may have traits that make it hard for them to
make friends, such as a tendency to insist on having things their
own way or to interrupt constantly.
Frustration. If they are trying very hard but cant do whats expected
(by others or themselves), they may become very frustrated and lose
confidence. They may show their frustration by refusing to try new
activities or by giving up quickly, or insisting that they cant do or
wont be good at the new task.
Children with learning disabilities may have only one or two of
these traits, or they may have quite a few. Here are the steps to take
if you are concerned about your child:
Talk with teachers and specialists at the school. The guidance
counselor, principal, or a specialist in learning disabilities can help
you determine whether your child has a learning problem and, if so,
what kind of help and support your child may need. Find out if the
teacher and the other school staff believe that your child needs a
formal evaluation for learning disabilities. If an evaluation may help
clarify the situation, find out what steps you need to take to have
your child tested promptly. Your childs teacher or another staff
member should be able to help you schedule an evaluation.
35

Talk with your childs doctor. Ask your childs pediatrician to

observe actions that concern you.
Get help early on. A prompt evaluation will enable your child to get
the help she needs quickly and reduce the risk that she will feel
frustrated or experience failure. An evaluation will also give you a
clearer picture of your childs needs and how you can help your child
learn successfully.
Getting help if your child is gifted
Having a very bright child can also be a challenge. You want to make
sure that he continues to grow and learn to master new skills without
getting bored. If your child does not feel challenged at school, start
by asking the teacher for advice about what to do. The teacher may
be able to provide your child with additional work and activities, or
help you find classes and supplemental programs either within the
school or outside it. Talk with your child to see if he is interested in
extra workmake sure he doesnt feel like hes being punished. Some
schools offer academic clubs and honors or advanced-placement
classes. In many communities, high school students can take classes
at nearby museums or colleges. Talk with the teacher or another staff
member about whats possible in your school and community. Your
child might be interested in tutoring other students, doing an inde-
pendent study, helping in the chemistry lab, or designing special
projects for his classmates. Encourage your child to pursue opportu-
nities to use and build upon his special talents.
36

Success in
middle school
and high school
The pressure on students to succeed increases in the
upper gradesin middle school and high school. At the
same time, peer pressure to participate in social activities
also increases. Teachers assign much more homework.
Students are increasingly expected to work independently
and to manage their own time. Grades become more
important as they begin to count for future job or
college and university opportunities.
37

How can you help your child succeed in middle school and high
school? Here are some suggestions:
Stay involved in your childs education through middle school and
high school. According to a survey in the journal Education, only
50 percent of parents are involved in their childs schooling when
children are 16 or older, as compared to 73 percent of parents when
their children are younger. Most parents of high school students said
they would like to be more involved in their childrens education
and more than half of the students said they would welcome their
parents involvementincluding helping with homework and
supporting extracurricular activities, groups, and clubs.
Stay informed about school. Read the school newsletter, and
announcements that come home from teachers and the principal.
Stay informed not just about extracurricular activities, but also about
academics. Most schools have a back-to-school night, a curriculum
night, or other evenings for parents when teachers explain the
schools courses, standardized tests, and other academic issues.
Memorize the names of all of your childs teachers so you can talk
about school together. If necessary, write down the teachers names
and a sentence or two about each of them so youre able to remem-
ber who teaches what. Always attend parent-teacher conferences.
The more you know about your childs schooling, the more helpful
you can be.
Be present at the school. Attend meetings of the parent-teacher
organization. Try to attend school events. If you cannot be there for
a sports event, play, concert, or other activity your teenager may be
involved in, be sure to ask a relative or close friend to attend. Even if
your teenager says she wants you to stay out of her social life, she
does want you there to cheer her on.
Remember that its never too late to get involved. Its never too late to
join the parent-teacher organization, help out with an activity at school,
or become involved in some other way at your teenagers school.
38

Help your child learn to handle pressure. With the demands of more
homework, exams, papers, and school projects, your child may feel a
good deal of pressure, especially in high school. Provide support to
help your child handle these requirements. Your teenager may need
help with managing his time, setting goals and priorities, developing
effective study skills, or tackling tougher subjects. If you cant
provide this help on your own, you might consider seeking help
from a teacher, school counselor, or tutor. Study groups and tutoring
are helpful for many students. Summer programs offering academic
assistance are also available. Talk with your teenager when he seems
to be experiencing stressful times. Encourage your teenager to take
short breaks, get some sleep, exercise, or hang out with friends. Help
him learn to balance work and relaxation.
Encourage your child to keep trying hard, especially in the subjects
that she finds the most difficult or challenging. As the course work
becomes more challenging in the upper grades, students sometimes
decide that they arent good in math, science, foreign languages, or
writing. As a result, they dont try as hard in these classes. Its impor-
tant to remind your son or daughter that all subjects are important.
If your child is struggling, talk with the teacher. Some teachers offer
study groups or extra help before or after school. The teacher may
also be able to recommend a tutor.
Research shows that the more families sit down together for meals
and talk with each other, the better children do in school and in life.
Your family may have a crazy, hectic schedule. But try to have regular
meals together. A few times a week can make a big difference.
Help your teenager learn to manage his time. Homework demands
increase dramatically starting in middle school, and so do social
activities. Your teenager may need help learning to balance the
demands of sports, clubs, homework, social life, free time, and a job
if he is working. He may need help making choices, setting priori-
ties, or knowing when to limit activities. This may even include
deciding to temporarily drop an activity. Learning to balance work
and free time takes practice.
Limit TV, electronic games, and time spent on the Internet.
Make sure your teenager starts off the day with breakfast. All fami-
lies are busy and few have time for a sit-down breakfast together.
But at least try to send your teenager out the door with a bagel, a
banana, or a protein bar to give her the energy she needs to make it
through the morning. Or if the school offers breakfast, make sure
she has money and will arrive at school in time to buy breakfast.
See that your teenager gets enough sleep. Experts recommend an
average of about nine hours of sleep a night for adolescents. This is
an ideal thats often difficult to achieve, but its worth trying to coax
your teenager to bed at a reasonable hour. Studies show that
teenagers who get close to this amount of sleep do better in school.
Help your teenager choose courses. In high school, students often
have some choice of what courses they take. They may also be
placed or recommended for a particular track or curriculum level
based on their present skills and their plans after high school. Many
high schools track students into honors, college preparatory, basic,
or vocational tracks, though different schools use different terms to
describe the levels. Each track or program offers specific courses that
can have a big impact on your childs future college or job success.
Here is a description of each track:
- The honors or enriched track, which may include advanced placement
courses, is designed for top-performing students who will be seeking
admission to colleges and universities.
39

- The college or university preparatory track gives students the

background they need to enter college, university, or other training
after high school. This track gives students a wide range of options
for the future.
- The general or basic track provides basic or remedial courses in
math, English, history, science, and other subjects. These courses
tend to focus on essential skills in math and English, with the goal
of helping students complete high school successfully. In some
schools, basic courses may be designed with fewer requirements
for student learning.
- The vocational track provides students with training in specific job
skills in fields such as auto mechanics, culinary arts, plumbing,
carpentry, and electronics.
Be sure that the courses your child is taking provide real skills and
valuable knowledge that will be helpful or meaningful later in life.
Parents should be alert to the possibility that their child may just be
passing time in one or more of her classes. Parents should also be
aware of the opportunities for children to develop new interestsin
a dance class, a biology class, or an auto repair class. Be sure your
childs classes in high school are opening up opportunities for the
future, not closing them off.
Be involved when your teenager chooses courses and makes academic
decisions. If you dont feel qualified to do this, talk with the guidance
counselor or find a family member, friend, or neighbor who can help.
Remember that one program in itself may not meet all of your childs
needs and interests. For some students, its better to be in more
demanding classes. On the other hand, if your child feels unable to
keep up, he might be more successful in a class targeted to his skills
and needs. Make sure your child is in the right program or level to
get the best possible educationthat he is challenged to learn and
develop and is being prepared well for life after high school.
40

If you have concerns or if your teenager is having problems, take

action and be a problem-solver. Dropping grades or consistently low
grades, attendance or discipline problems, or reluctance to go to
school each day are all signs that your child may be having difficulty
in school. Teachers and your schools guidance counselor can help.
Dont wait for the first report card or the first parent-teacher
conference to contact the school for help. If you sense there is a
problem, make an appointment right away to speak with a teacher
or guidance counselor.
Help make school a positive experience. Help your child find activi-
ties where she can feel successful and confident. The activity may be
school-relatedperforming in a school play or bandor it may be a
volunteer activity where your child feels she is making a difference,
such as a community-service organization, an outdoor club, or
tutoring younger students. The key is for your child to be involved
in activities where she gains confidence in her abilities and interests.
Talk with your teenager about the future and about life after high
school. Its normal for young people to be confused about their
long-term goals. Help your child think about his options. Other
people can help, too: guidance counselors, family friends with a
wide range of jobs and lifestyles, relatives, and people in the com-
munity who know your child.
41

Helping your teenager balance schoolwork and a part-time job

Over four million teenagers in the U.S. and Canada have part-time
jobsbabysitting, doing yard work, working in a supermarket,
restaurant, or a store. How does having a job affect school perform-
ance and achievement? Research shows that having a job can be
good for teenagerswithin limits. But working more than 15 or 20
hours a week usually interferes with a childs achievement in school.
Laurence Steinberg, a psychologist at Temple University, studied
high school students who worked more than 20 hours a week and
found that they missed more school, received lower grades, and cut
more classes than their classmates who worked fewer hours. If possi-
ble, try to limit the number of hours your teenager works to no
more than 15 or 20 hours a week during the school year.
Here are some other guidelines about teenagers and jobs:
Try to limit job hours to afternoons and weekends, rather than
weekday evenings during the school year.
Keep an eye on your childs school performance. If you see a decline
in grades, help your child learn to manage all her responsibilities or
reduce the number of hours on the job.
Make it clear that school is your teenagers most important job.
More and more jobs require more and more schooling and training.
Doing well in school will open up important opportunities for your
child. Helping your child to be successful in school is one of the
most important gifts you can give your son or daughter.
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