Celestino1

Ulises Celestino 32 /35

Stephan Topf
ENGL114B
19 April 2014
Culture and Economy
Two socially categorized places can obviously have a numerous amount of differences. It
is then very difficult to find the similarities amongst the two. It is incredible to realize how
different two locations may be, it is truly like being in two completely different worlds. The
atmosphere and the emotions that come along with them are just as interesting as they are
diverse. It is a difference in cultural atmosphere which creates these social differences. Society
has placed these two places in a position where they are unable to break their stereotypes.
Despite the differences, there are a small amount of similarities. These similarities come about in
very interesting and distinct manners, predominantly in monetary sense . It then became obvious
that race and/or culture may deeply influences economic behavior and vice-versa.
The Manhattan Village Shopping Center is amongst one of the most lavish and
recognized shopping centers in Southern California. It is home to some of the most expensive
and most well recognized shopping stores in the world. Located in Manhattan Beach California,
the Manhattan Beach Shopping Center is quite small and is currently under an enhancement
project. Residentials of Manhattan Beach are amongst the most expensive in California, with
home prices rising over 1 million dollars. According to city-data.com the area is
predominenltypredominantly inhabitttedinhabited by cocasions with a population of 27,889
which composes 79.9 percent of its citties population. There are 91 African Americans (alone)
residing in the city of Manhattan Beach, this composes only 0.3 percent of its cities population.
Comment [S1]: Comma splice
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Comment [S2]: Vague terminology. You
havent defined your space and the question of
why they cant break away immediately comes
to mind. Try to be more specific upfront so that
it becomes easier to make statements that you
can leave to discuss later.
Comment [S3]: Remember, this essays main
purpose isnt compare/contrast but rather to
look at two similar spaces in order to see how
the terms discussed in class function.
Comment [S4]: Too broad of a thesis. You
need to specify more what you are talking
about.. The why is semi formed. You spoke
about wanting to revise your thesis so I wont go
any further until I see the new version.
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Comment [S5]: You cite a lot of data but dont
discuss what it means. You need to asses it
and use it to enhance an argument or an idea.
Celestino2
The Slauson Super Mall is one of the most infamous or famous, as viewed so by many of
its local citizens. From famous gangster rappers, to some of hollywoods biggest stars, the
Slauson Swap Meet is known to be the place to visit for a unique and core Los Angeles style
shopping experience. The Slauson Super Mall is located in the Los Angeles area known as
South Central Los Angeles. A study conducted by the Los Angeles Times demonstrated that
South Central Los Angeles, in particular Vermont-Slauson, is inhabited by a 36.8 percent of
African Americans. The same study demonstrated shows that the population was inhabited by a
1.3 percent of caucasiansCaucasians. The median household income in Vernon-Slauson was
approximately $31,236 according to the Los Angeles Times.
The Manhattan Beach Shopping Center was very quiet on April 16, 2014. The area which
was being observed was very clean. The parking lot was home to many expensive cars:
Mercedes Benz, BMWs, a McLauren, to name a few. On the inside the aroma of expensive
perfume and high quality cleaning soaps were apparent as well. Clearly it was well maintained,
one significant trait was that there were trash cans located on almost every corner of the
shopping center. As a thorough analysis of the whole premises began, the demographic began to
become more evident. It was predominantly Caucasian, there were a significant amount of what
appeared to be Asian shoppers as well. As shoppers peacefully walked in and out of store
locations a commonality arose. It appeared as if every person there was holding a shopping bag.
The shopping bags displayed brand names and looked very expensive. The bathrooms were then
observed. The bathrooms were very well kept as well. The smell of hand soap automatically
filled the area. The bathroom was very clean and quiet. The overall splendor resembled peace
and tranquility.
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Comment [S6]: This sounds like an
advertisement to go visit the Slauson mall.
Comment [S7]: Not the correct use of this
word.
Comment [S8]: Again, a lot of logos/data but
no critical analysis of what this means. I know
you are setting up the socio/economic
differences but you need to at least start to
introduce your main points as to why this data is
important.
Comment [S9]: What is the importance of
this?
Comment [S10]: Still lacking in special
analysis. Try to incorporate some of the terms
more.
Celestino3
On April 17, 2014, the Slauson Super Mall was at its climax, in terms of population and
overall atmosphere. The first thing that was noted was the amount of reckless driving. The first 5
cars were observed on the outside of the location in the initiation of the observation. Loud music
thumped the ground from the subwoofers in the vehicles. The second and fifth vehicles displayed
large chrome rims that seemed to exceed 24 inches. As the inside of the premises began to be
scrutinized, the demographic became apparent. It was predominantly African Americans. To
much alarm, an outstanding 85% of the vendors were of Korean descent. There was a smell of
incense which filled the air from corner to corner. From every other store was a disrupting
amount of hip-hop music. This music seemed to have the African American crowd entertained
and in very joyous moods. Every now- and-then was a loud scream from an African American
male or female (mostly female) it seemed to always carry an inappropriate or almost taboo
connotation. There were some traces of trash on the floor. The bathrooms filled the air with a
stench of cheap hand soap and flatulence.
The differences between the Manhattan Beach Shopping Center and the Slauson Super
Mall were quite evident. The reason that these two diverse and culture filled locations were
chosen is that: regardless of their social differences, they are both business filled spaces. These
monetary transactions lead to a bigger and perhaps more controversial question. How does the
culture, or even race, affect the economic behavior amongst the two cities in which these two
shopping centers reside, being that they are both considerably the most recognized shopping
centers in the area. What drives the Vermont-Slauson economy, and what drives the Manhattan
Beach economy. ?How does this reflect on both shopping centers?
Joe Henrich, the author of Does culture matter in economic behavior, conducted a study
to attempt to justify this phenomenon. His theory of, Ultimatum Game Bargaining suggests
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Comment [S11]: Part of you key idea but no
discussion about it so far.
Comment [S12]: Why?
Comment [S13]: This paragraph could be
moved closer to the front and it would give the
essay a more defined direction that it is so far
lacking.
Comment [S14]: Ambiguous this
Celestino4
that, by socially transmitted rules about how to behave in certain circumstances (economic or
otherwise) may vary from group to group as a consequence of different cultural evolutionary
trajectories. This rule applies to the Manhattan Beach Shopping Center. It is a requested
necessity that was socially implemented with or without consent of its residents. This necessity
requires a number of things.
Following with the Ultimatum Game Behavior it is evident that the more lavishly seen
locations are products of society. This causes an onward spread that inhabits the cities residents
and the cities commerce. The city as a whole subliminally implements standards in which its
residents, as well as visitors, must obey. This is not a legal matter, but rather a social matter. This
is a rule that has set its standards at a very high degree which leads to the amount of consumption
that the city takes part in. The fact that a person in a considerably wealthy city must make
purchase helps both local businesses and shopping centers such as the Manhattan Beach
Shopping Center.
In the Slauson Super Mall there is a different kind of business that takes place. ItsIts
funds as well as some of the cities presumable funds come from big business or a combination of
a number of small businesses, in this case the Slauson Super Mall. How does this business come
about, and how does this business potentially help the locals?
In the Slauson Super Mall it is the Korean vendors which keep the locations at constant
business. It is a combination of the Korean vendors and the African American community. A
contribution between the buyer and the supplier. A myth dispelled by Kwang Chung Kim in
Koreans in the Hood: Conflict With the African Americans, was that Koreans do not contribute
to the African American Community, which in this case is the Vermont-Slauson Community. He
dispels this myth by stating that some Korean business owners help their community by
Comment [S15]: Try to unpack this more in
the preceding sentence and specifically explain
how this functions. This quote means X.
Comment [S16]: Necessity here is also
ambiguous as to why you are defining it this
way.
Comment [S17]: In what way?
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Comment [S18]: You need to define more
what you mean. Theres a writer / audience gap
in knowledge here. You need to fill in some of
the missing pieces.
Comment [S19]: Are you trying to argue that
a wealthy community has a norm that causes
them to purchase more than a poorer
community? Wouldnt this just be that they
have more access to excess wealth and
therefor have a tendency to become more of a
consumer due to their ability to spend? I think
theres a causation issue here that needs to be
ironed out. Is this due to a status symbol
value? What does the function of spending do
here?
Comment [S20]: Cyclical wording.
Comment [S21]: Floating paragraph. You
need to expand this more or incorporate it into
another paragraph.
Comment [S22]: Awkward sentence structure
for the past two sentences.
Celestino5
contributing to local baseball teams, schools, and other nonprofit organizations. This are factors
that are reflected on the Vermont-Slauson community.
As demonstrated by the these two theories, it is evident that there are two contributing
factors in the cities economy that are driven by its locals. This is a cultural influence that is
being brought upon their cities economy. The tie between the culture in the Vermont -Slauson
community is driven by its resident and local business owners. The Manhattan Beach Shopping
Center is seen to be a place of cultural obligation. The city is able to place expensive stores and
lavish boutiques throughout the city because its citizens allow it to. This is what keeps the
Manhattan Beach city as prestigious as it is.
Neither of the locations that were observed were approached with the intention to
undermine one or the other. It was a time to observe the social and cultural difference. The
sections economies are self evident, it was not a matter of what, but more so a matter of
why.While the initial plan was unclear, the questions quickly began to arise pertaining to the
movement of money in both sections. It was obvious that both places are influenced by their
cultural and racial demographic.

You have a partially formed argument here, however it is highly underdeveloped.

Part of this stems from your thesis (which I wont elaborate on since its been discussed)
Youre essay has a good amount of description and special features but there are only hints of
the deeper issues that you are working with here. You need more critical analysis. Again,
terminology. Try to bring in more of what weve done throughout project space and be specific.
Function is another way to go about this. You need to focus on your main argument and topics.
Comment [S23]: Verb tense agreement
Comment [S24]: Reflect how.
Comment [S25]: Wouldnt this also apply to
Slauson? Isnt there a form of cultural
obligation there as well? It might be a different
type, but you need to make this differentiation.
Comment [S26]: Have the capacity to support
it.
Comment [S27]: One of the central ideas
here is that there are two different cultures at
play that create a different type of commerce
atmosphere. Money drives local businesses to
maintain a higher quality (one possible
argument). However, this idea isnt developed
enough.
Comment [S28]: This ties into my last
comment.
Comment [S29]: Abrupt conclusion.
Celestino6
Clarity: Right now your essay suffers from either ambiguous wording or knowledge gaps where
you dont fill in enough information from our research so the audience isnt always clear about
what is being discussed. Theres a sense of what you are attempting to do but you need to be as
specific as you can so the reader isnt left guessing at your intention. Theres times where I
thought well it could be this or possibly that. While interpretation can be a part of reading, you
want to minimize the places where you want your argument to be solid.
Organization: some easy fixes can come from moving several paragraphs to the front in order to
get into your argument quicker.

Grammar: fix all blue/red word squiggle marks. Theres many. You also need to work on
comma splices.








Work Cited
Chang, Edward T. "New urban crisis: Korean-African American relations." Korean in the hood:
Conflict with African Americans (1999): 39-59.

Henrich, Joseph. "Does culture matter in economic behavior." Ultimatum Game Bargaining
Formatted: Left
Celestino7
Among (2000).