Caitlin Mack Musical Identity Paper For as long as I can remember, music has been an ever-comforting aspect of my life

that has always brought me great joy and feelings of contentment. When I was four years old, I had a large obsession with Disney and all of its glorious music that accompanied the wonderful stories. Whenever I was upset or my mom could not get me to calm down about whatever rudimentary problem I was dealing with, she would pop in my favorite Disney Sing-a-long tape and I would instantly be transformed. The music, with its inviting sounds and wonderful lyrics, was something that intrigued me and immediately drew my attention. As soon as that tape would play, I would stop all of my dramatics and sing at the top of my lungs along with the music. Although Im sure it was quite loud and out of tune, I found immense pleasure in the idea of being connected with the musical elements that songs presented to me, even at such a young age. As I grew older, this love of music and singing along only grew fonder. When I entered elementary school, I was involved in music classes, as a part of the school curriculum, in which I was presented with many of the things we have discussed in our class this semester; ideas of rhythm, melody, harmony, tonality, etc. Although I would consider myself an academically successful student who liked to stick to structure, even at a young age, the unpredictability and complexity of music that I got to explore within elementary school was an ideal that was extremely enticing to me and offered me the room to explore in a safe environment. Once I reached fourth grade, our school mandated that students choose one of three musical paths within band, orchestra, or choir. Being that I had developed such a love for singing and had slight confidence in my abilities, I chose to move down the choir path. This decision was one of the

best choices I have ever made. In choosing to explore my own capabilities within singing, I unleashed a passion that I had not always been entirely aware of. Moving forward, I stayed on the choir track through my middle school years and through the entirety of my high school experience. In reaching high school, I worked my way up the choir ladder, by moving from our basic freshmen choir to our schools top A Cappella choir, where I became a section leader for the Altos. Although this progression would elude that I had always been a leader within the field, I would say that music truly brought out the confidence that I never knew I had. Being in school, I had always felt a slight sense of insecurity within myself. I was a smart girl who took honors courses but I always felt meek and preferred to be in the background of most situations. However, when I would venture down to the choir room each and every day, I felt myself transform. The quiet and shy girl who was present within first through fourth period was not the same girl who entered into choir. Through music, I felt as though I had control over my abilities and contributed to something that was meaningful. Whether it be nailing a harmony with my choir or grabbing the senior solo spot, I always felt as though I had found a home within the choir community. After riding this incredible high throughout my high school career, I came into college ready to join any A Cappella group that I could, to feel connected to music. However, when auditioning for one of campuses a cappella groups, I suddenly lost the confidence that I had worked so hard to attain within my experiences in high school. College music made me feel like a small fish in a big pond and I suddenly felt as though my abilities were inadequate and choked in my audition, causing me to not make it. After this odd occurrence, I felt completely disheartened by the idea of being in a group of performers and focused solely on my education

and career path. While I still continued to sing my heart out in the car or shower, I left my formal training aside. In coming in to MUS 463, I was somewhat skeptical of the course, being that I had removed myself from the music world. However, I found myself pleasantly surprised and happy with the amount of joy a music class was able to bring me again. Although what we are learning is basic, I feel as though it had reminded me of my true love of music and inspired me to adapt that love again and incorporate it into my future classrooms. Seeing the simple strategies that can be integrated into lessons to make both learning goals achievable is something that is extremely exciting to me and I believe will be a truly enticing thing for my students as well. As it has been discussed endlessly in this class, although music has no direct causation with academia, I do believe that music can offer an outlet for creativity that is not as easily accomplished within other disciplines and I sincerely look forward to initiating these ideals within my classroom.