Grotenhuis 1 Heidi Grotenhuis Professor Jan Rieman English 1101 February 6, 2014 An Embarrassing Journey I wanted to write a memoir

about the struggle I had with learning how to read; not only the inability to read, but the emotional struggle it had on me as well. I broke up the writing into groups with a heading that foreshadows what the reader should expect and look for in the upcoming paragraphs. I feel that these headings work well for the paper and give a clear directive for the reader- like chapters in a book. It is my hope that my story can resonate with the reader and in a way, invite them into the literary struggle I had as a young child and highlight that if given the right resources, no one should wander through life without the advantages of being a literate individual within our society. As you read this, I would like to know what you believe to be the strongest part of this paper and, in contrast, what you think is the weakest part of this paper, or what you feel isnt working well for this piece of writing. If I were given more time, I would have liked to have researched the specific ways my school system benefited by having their students become proficient in reading. Beginnings: The home I grew up in was a loving one, and I was fortunate that I was one of the few children in my school that didnt come from a split home. My life at home was steady, constant, without surprises, and the flow of life was never disrupted. I was lucky - blessed, even - to have
Comment [JR5]: I highlight any areas where I paused as a reader because of the writing. Pay attention to/read aloud these highlights. Your job is to figure out what may need changedwith a word, a phrasing, punctuation etc. Comment [JR6]: Use a dashinstead of a hyphenComment [JR4]: These days, passing test scores would be one big incentive. Comment [JR3]: I will do so. Comment [JR2]: Access to resources is key. Comment [JR1]: Intriguing title!

Grotenhuis 2 such a great family surrounding me. There was one problem, though when I was a young child: I couldnt read well. There are many arguments that say people are a product of their circumstances and if you come from a troubled background, you will have a harder time learning how to read and write well. There may be correlations ties to that theory, and Im not about to dispute them. However, this wasnt the case for me. I came from what some might call ideal circumstances and yet, I could hardly read. This embarrassed me. At home, there were plenty of resources available for my family to read. My father loves to read all the time. There were shelves and stacks of history books throughout our home as well as collections of encyclopedias. In retrospect, we had a lot of books for adults and not many books for children. I dont think that my parents were conscientious of this, and I didnt care to have any books for myself either. I was just as happy playing with friends outside in the field, climbing trees, or riding mini bikes throughout all of our yards on Blackberry Hill Road. I had a loving family, a home, a warm bed, and food. Who needed to know how to read? Relocation: My family moved from Rollinsford, New Hampshire across the border to Berwick, Maine when I was in the middle of first grade. The school I attended in New Hampshire, the Rollinsford Grade School, was a very small grade school that was overcrowded. I remember we had reading time where we would be read to, and we would never break up into smaller groups to try and read on our own. I cant help but think if the specific time and attention were given to each of us if I would have been able to grasp the concept of reading better early on. Once we moved and I attended my first day of school at the Vivian E. Hussey School in Maine, I was miles behind the other children. The first grade had many teachers and smaller class sizes. The
Comment [JR11]: It may be better to embed the picture of your school into the text instead of having these as hyperlinksthink about the purpose a hyperlink serves and is it worth your readers time and effort to click on something if you could, instead, have the pic right here. Comment [IG12]: I agree. I go a little hyperlink overboard. Comment [JR13]: By the teacher? Comment [IG14]: Yes, our teacher would read to us in a large group. Comment [JR9]: Good observation. Did your parents read to you from the adult books? Other books? Comment [IG10]: My parents did not read to me from adult books. I actually cant remember being read to very much until they noticed that I was having a hard time trying to read. Once they realized there was a problem, my dad would read Nancy Drew and Goosebump books to me. Comment [JR7]: Im not familiar with these arguments, but this idea does tie into the assumptions about class and access to literacy. Comment [IG8]: In my psychology class we have been talking about nature vs. nurture. I should have given a bit more background on this idea instead of assuming that the reader knew what I was referencing. That was silly.

Grotenhuis 3 kids that I attended first grade with had already begun to read the year before in Kindergarten. My mind was spinning and I tried desperately to hold on and catch up to the other children. I made progress throughout the remainder of the year, and by the last day of school I could finally read a book about attending a play on my own. My teacher was so thrilled, she made me go across the hall to Mrs. Williams class and read it to her as well. The d ecision was made with my parents and teacher that I should continue on to second grade and hope that I continued to make progress. Self-destruction: Second grade is where it all fell apart. I had a phenomenal teacher, Mr. Summers, who tried so hard to help me succeed. He would often make me stay in for recess to help me one-onone with reading. The attention that Mr. Summers provided to me was unmatched by anyone. Being a teacher was more than just a profession to him; it was his passion. He wanted to ensure that all of his students were given an equal opportunity to succeed. His dedication for teaching has certainly paid off and was recognized by another prestigious institution. He currently is a teacher at Berwick Academy in South Berwick, Maine which is held in very high regard from area residents. For some reason, reading didnt come quickly to me at all. I wanted to learn how to read, but I would become easily frustrated at not knowing how to do it and in turn, I would just shut down. My frustration with feeling behind and not making progress began to manifest itself by acting out and taking it out on other children. While reflecting on this time in my life, I cant believe I did some of the things I did. I was a bad child. As an adult, I would never let my future children play with any child remotely close to who I was as a kid. I was bad to the bone and I
Comment [JR15]: What was the payoff for you to be forced to skip recess in order to read? Did you have a choice? Comment [IG16]: I did not have a choice in the matter. I think that the payoff was the hope that I would be able to grasp reading better without having the added anxiety of being embarrassed in front of my peers.

Grotenhuis 4 have no clue how I turned out to be a compassionate individual. I remember that I had a group of friends at the time and our goal was to just make others kids lives miserable on the playground. It was one aspect of school that I could control and it made me feel good to pick on these kids who could read because I couldnt. I ended up spending a lot of time on the bench or in the principals office during recess. After second grade didnt go so well, my parents came to the hard decision to hold me back in school. I was mad. All of my friends were progressing in school. The worst thing was telling my friends that I wasnt moving on to third grade. They would laugh because they thought I was kidding and I wasnt! If I felt like a failure before, I really did now. I cried, begged, and pleaded with my parents to not hold me back. Only the stupid kids got held back and I was one of them! Baby Steps: The summer between second grade and repeating second grade was a momentous one. My parents desperately wanted to help me. They knew I was struggling and so far, every attempt at learning how to read was a failure. My parents and teachers cared a lot about me and knew I had the potential for reading; it just needed to click and they werent giving up on me. I dont know what prompted my mother to schedule an appointment, but that summer, I went to an ear nose - throat doctor. As an infant and toddler, I had awful problems with my ears. My mother says that I basically had an ear infection for the first two years of my life. Once a round of antibiotics would clear the infection up, another infection would form and my doctor felt very strongly about not placing tubes in my ears. With the prior knowledge that I had numerous ear problems as a kid, I underwent a series of tests that confirmed that my hearing was greatly
Comment [JR19]: Not easy at all. Comment [JR17]: so you didnt have many fun recesses Comment [IG18]: Ha! Nope, not many The last thing I wanted to do when I got home was do reading homework! I just wanted to play with the neighbors!

Grotenhuis 5 impaired. I was told that I had an abnormal amount of fluid in my ears and that this was significantly inhibiting my hearing. It was equivalent to trying to hear under shallow water. After the fluid was drained from my ears, I was feeling good and it was nice to hear that my inability to read well wasnt entirely all of my fault. I didnt know I was missing out on half of what was being said in the classroom. The librarian at my school offered independent reading sessions for children who needed extra help to learn how to read. I honestly cant recall a lot about these independent reading sessions with her. I remember that she would pick me up at my house while being babysat by my sister and drive me to the school to have our reading sessions. I dont know how she benefited from this relationship to me and the other students she would help. She may have been motivated by money or just pure passion for helping children to read. Im sure a large part was on the school districts end for making sure their students were achieving and obtaining a certain level of reading in order to receive more aid from the state. Regardless of her motivation, she would help me sound out the words, and with my newfound hearing I could actually start to make sense of what she was talking about! The next year of school started off really well. A few months into the school year, I was reading like a machine! I had been reading so well, I was able to stop going to a special reading class that was built into my school schedule. Even though I was reading well, I still had a terrible, embarrassed feeling when I would walk by and see my old classmates in the cafeteria during third grade lunch. Although I was catching on, I still struggled with feeling proud of myself. Why couldnt I have just gotten this a few months earlier? Why couldnt I have saved myself the embarrassment? I remember pleading with my parents and asking them to talk with the school and see if I could just get bumped back up again to be with my true classmates.
Comment [JR25]: Probably. Hopefully, she was also paid for it. Comment [IG26]: I hope she was paid for it too! I cant imagine that she wasnt! Comment [JR23]: I dont understand this part. Is the babysitting part relevant? Comment [IG24]: Um, I think I was just trying to convey that the reason my mom wasnt hauling me around was because she was working. I do agree that its not really relevant. Comment [JR20]: Interesting.

Comment [JR21]: Was this also during the summer? Comment [IG22]: Yes, this was also during the summer.

Grotenhuis 6 They refused and told me that this situation in my life was for the better. I might not have been able to see it, but they were doing me a favor. I remember thinking at the time, Yeah right! Youre not doing me any favors! Keeping me in second grade will only embarrass me and I have to go to school a whole other year before I can graduate someday! As the years continued on, I found that being held back really was what was best for me. I went to school with a better group of kids as opposed to those I had previously gone to school with. Not only did reading make a lot more sense to me, but my overall education was improved. I was no longer behind; I was finally ahead. I got it and everything was making sense to me. My vocabulary improved, my spelling improved - everything improved because I was finally able to read and read well! I had immense support from my family and school to help me succeed. Im sure that my improvement was a great relief to my parents. They had taken a gamble with my education with the hope that it would create a better outcome for their child; and it had worked. To let me fail would have simply been an outcome that was unacceptable to them. There was no reason that a little girl from Berwick, Maine with numerous resources available to her would grow up to be illiterate. The persistence of others is what helped me to succeed and Im so grateful for all of those who helped me and believed in me along the way. Resolution: The ability to read isnt something that I take lightly. Im often reminded of that period in my life, when things werent as clear as they are now. I read a lot and I love it. There is something so rewarding in being able to read anything that I want. If I didnt have my parents and school system to help sponsor my literacy, I wouldnt be able to enjoy novels like I do today. I love being swept away in a story, and for a moment, live a different life as the world continues
Comment [JR29]: Really is indeed integral to learning in American schools. Comment [JR27]: That would be incredible hard to understand! Comment [IG28]: Absolutely! It was!

Grotenhuis 7 on by as Im reading in bed. When I first meet new people and they ask me what my interests are, I never say, I like to read. I dont exactly know why this is. I never think to say it, but I really do like reading. It wasnt until after I married my husband that he said to me, Im beginning to see that youre a reader. Reading was never something I told him that I really liked to do. I would only occasionally tell him that I was reading some book. When I begin a novel, I become almost obsessed with it. I have to read as much as I can as quick as I can. I have to know more and create the images in my head of what Im reading. I have to read at full speed until Im done. There isnt any room for me to savor the reading. Im not sure what the reason is for this. My own story highlights that the ability to become literate is possible for anyone who doesnt have a major learning disability. Although I had all of the resources that anyone could need readily available to me, it took time and commitment from others to help me to succeed. I know I will always be able to know how to read, but its almost as though I subconsciously think that my ability will go away someday and therefore, I must read as much as I can and I must finish it quickly!
Comment [JR30]: I hope that you will embrace your identity as a reader. Comment [IG31]: Over the years I think I have begun to do this. Its now a response that I give when someone is trying to get to know me . Is it weird that I think about social situations like that? I really dont enjoy the awkwardness of making small talk with peopleFun fact.

Heidi, You do a great job here of showing how closely identity can be tied up in literacy. You also show how impactful early childhood experiences arethey stay with you. The strongest part of the paper for me is where you explore how being a late reader was more than just being a later reader, how you internalized it as a personal failure and then tried to externalize your distress by taking it out on others.

Grotenhuis 8 The weakest part is your use of hyperlinks where an embedded picture or no picture would have been sufficient. Think about the rhetorical function of a hyperlinkwhat are you wanting it to do? Revision suggestions: I wondered as I read what role writing played in your development. Did you also struggle with it? I also thought about how our expectations for kids and reading are so lock and step sometimes. A particular approach to educationthe Waldorf modellets students read when they are ready, feeling its a natural development just l ike speech acquisition. They dont panic when a kid cant read by third grade. This got me thinking about the larger school system expectations for students developing at the same pace. I also thought about how much you wanted to prove that you were from a good home, and how we still sometimes link morality or goodness to literacy. Soas you revise, see if you can see other external structures and forces at play in your literacy development, like school expectations, how schools should deal with students who may be late readers etc. Im happy to talk through this in person.