Running head: THE POWER OF WORDS RESEARCH

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The Power of Words Research Xiaoyu Wu Missouri Southern State University

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This paper aims to find out why and how the power of words can affect relationships. Audrey Marlene, an international life strategist and motivational speaker who has dedicated her life to guiding and empowering others through a journey of self-discovery, suggests that we should understand the power of words because the words we choose to use can influence peoples feeling and emotions, or even ruin the relationship, according to her journal The Spoken Word. This paper will analyze how people associate words with different meanings to make different reactions or behaviors in any relationship as well as the relationship between the power of words and conflicts. Keywords: verbal communication, communication, power of words

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The Power of Words Research Introduction Language, one of the most powerful tools in communication, also makes our world colorful. We should appreciate that our world was created along with colorful language. As a milestone, language witnessed the development of humans civilization and communication. There are millions of ways for humans to convey their thoughts and establish relationships with others, but not one is as simple as verbal communication. Just imagine; no matter who expresses a simple meaning of a word, or explains a complex thought, there is no doubt that the function of verbal communication has the biggest power and value in any occasion of communication. In its basic form, verbal communication plays an important role in the daily life for individuals to communicate with other people to establish relationships with and connect each other to the society. Through verbal communication, we gain support, affection, help or entertainment from others as well as sharing ours with them. However, the power of verbal communication could be fatal in a relationship because the improper verbal expression or harmful words may create misunderstanding and conflicts, and hurt others feelings influencing the relationships among people. In a word, words have power to influence people. This paper aims to find out why verbal communication has such a power to influence relationships in our life. Literature Review An article by Audrey Marlene (2010) suggests that we should understand the power of words. We all know the enormous power in the meaning of the spoken word and what it means to the person who is on the receiving end (Understand the Power of words 2010, para. 1). It is very important to choose the words we use carefully in order to ensure success in relationships.

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Words we speak affect the outcome of our goals and what level we achieve (Understand the Power of words 2010, para. 2). Good words may help us to maintain good relationship, however, bad words cannot only wound others and ruin relationships but also can slaughter our passion, lower our sense of worth, and sabotage our level of enthusiasm (When Word do Damage, 2010, para.3). Specifically, words may stay with someone for years to follow and affect them in ways we could never imagine. Words can ruin relationships because we are constantly engaged in relationships with people around the world, so if words are not chosen carefully, it could destroy the relationships. For example, in the article, parents sometimes may affect their children by the words they choose in conversation. Unable to cognitively understand why their parents speak to them in a derogatory way, they grow up feeling insecure or put down. Talking down to children, or yelling at them, may cause serious long-lasting emotional and psychological damage to their tender minds. Therefore, some of the ways to avoid the above situation is that we try to use more encouraging words and carefully choose the words we use so that we can influence others in positive ways and as a result achieve peace and prosperity in our life. Language is fascinating because of words. Charles Hockette, an American linguist suggested that words are arbitrary (A Course in Modern Linguistics, 1958), which means words do not have meaning, but we as human beings create meaning for them. According to Beebe, Beebe and Redmond (2008), people understand a meaning of a word based on two levels: denotative and connotative (S.A. Beebe, S.J. Beebe, and Redmond, 2008, p.160). Denotative meaning for a word is much like a definition. For example, the word school, denotative meaning for a school describes a place where people can get education, however, connotative meaning for a word is ones emotional attachment shared with the word. Therefore, when we

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think about school, the phobia of endless homework may cross over our mind. We have to admit that words do have power. According to Beebe et al., words have power to create, affect thoughts and actions, affect and reflect culture, and affect the quality of our interpersonal relationships (S.A. Beebe, S.J. Beebe, and Redmond, 2008, p.164). Psychologist Albert Ellis believes that human also creates moods and emotional state with the words we use to label our feelings (A new guide to rational living, 1977). Thus, our ability of controlling emotions based on the ability to control what we think about those words. It is very natural that you may feel angry and become aggressive when people curse you with insulting words. Therefore, words also have power to influence your thoughts and actions (Gail Andres, 2008, para. 8). The two reactions for people are silence or a turn to violence. Interestingly, in some high text cultural countries, such as China, Japan and so on, people consider being silent as a merit (Fred E. Jandt, 2009, pg. 119). What is more, a person who frequently uses curse words as pet phrases may also affect your reactions and behaviors. A survey of how many times curse words are used per day for teenagers shows an estimate 80 or 90 (C. Herron, 2008). Actually, not only for teenagers, curse language could be one of the trend languages in society. To some extent, many people use curse words to express their feelings or emotions (Whats the difference between, 2010, para.3). According to a new study by British researchers, saying any commonly used expletive can work to reduce physical pain (Tiffany Sharples, 2009, para. 7). However, no matter what kind of positive function curse words have, profanity is still not right. It can destroy relationships or make a bad self-image in the eyes of others. For example, Joey is one of my new friends who just arrived in the United States three months ago. At first, people here thought she was a good lady with good manners, but soon we found out that she likes using curse words all the time. One day, we calculated how many f words she says for one sentence; she used at least two. This is

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horrible for us, even Joey never says insulting words to any of us, and she is always nice to us, but since she uses curse words as her pet phrase. This has created a distance in our relationship because we categorize her as a girl who is different from us. So, we can see how the curse words are powerful to influence a relationship. Aside from that, ambiguous words, uncertain meaning, and the use of wrong words can also affect the relationship (S.A. Beebe, S.J. Beebe, and Redmond, 2008, p.167). In my opinion, not profanity, but aggressive words increase conflict in a relationship. The conflict basically comes from ego conflict, which means a person feels personal attack (S.A. Beebe, S.J. Beebe, and Redmond, 2008, p.231), In fact, aggressive words are permeated in every corner of our life. Think about U.S. presidential campaigns; they are full of personal attacks in my eyes. However, we are not politicians, but as common people living in the world, we more or less would make a reaction of aggressive words too. Cool off (Ting-Tommey, A Face Negotiation theory, 1988) at this time became very important, to minimize such a conflict. Research Questions This paper generally aims to find out why verbal communication has such a power to influence relationships in our life. Specifically, research questions will also include how do people associate words with different meaning? What is the reaction or behavior for people when others use harmful words to address them? Will bad words as pet phrases ruin relationships? And what is the relationship between words and conflict? Conclusion In conclusion, we can clearly see that the influence of verbal power for humans. Human associate words with different meaning because words are arbitrary, and humans interpret words

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based on two levels: one is denotative, and the other one is connotative. Connotative meanings make humans attach the meaning of words through feeling or emotions, and make different reactions or behaviors. That is the reason why verbal communication has power to influence our relationships, especially for the use of curse words. Moreover, verbal power also brings ego conflict for individuals because they may perceive aggressive words as a personal attack. Therefore, trying to minimize conflict has become very important.

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8 Reference

Andres, G. (2008, December 5). Psychology of words. In Academia.edu. Retrieved April 11, 2012 Beebe, S. J., Beebe, S. A., & Redmond, M. V. (2008). Interpersonal communication relating to others (5th ed., pp. 160-231). Boston, MA: Pearson. Ellis, A. (1977). A new guide to rational living. North Hollywood, CA: Wilshire Books. Herron, C. (2009, October 10). Curse words trendy language amongst teenagers. In The Signal. Retrieved March 8, 2012 Hockette, C. F. (1958). A course in modern linguistics. New York, NY: Macmillan. Jandt, F. E. (2009). An introduction to intercultural communication (6th ed., p. 119). Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE. Marlene, A. (2010, September 15). The spoken word. In Audreymarlene-lifecoach.com. Retrieved March 8, 2012 Sharples, T. (2009, July 16). Why swearing helps ease pain:benifits of curse words. In Time Magzine Health. Retrieved March 8, 2012 Ting-Tommy, S. (1988). A face negotiation theory. In Y. Kim & W. Gudykunst (Eds.), Theories in intercultural communication. Newbury Park, CA: Sage. What's the difference between cussing, swearing, and cursing? (2010, August). In Dictionary.com. Retrieved April 11, 2012