Muoz 1 Humberto Muoz Professor Duran English 100 01 December 2013 White-Collar Language Have you ever been

frustrated or intimidated by the word essay? When it comes to writing I tense up and get stuck thinking of what is it that the teacher expect to see in the essay. Also, I believe that because English is my second language and its not the primary language spoken at home either, I worry about not using the right vocabulary to describe an event or express the way I feel in the story, as well as not being able to write a proper sentence. The English language itself had always been a challenge to me since the beginning of elementary school to mid high school. To begin with Ive always found it hard to write an essay, the fact being that I think about the assignment too much leaves me wondering whether Im going to do the assignment correctly. My inability to write an essay dates back to the beginning of middle school where I had never been able to get out of that shadow of fear to write. When I would get assigned an essay I asked myself is it worth the grade? This was the easy way out and perhaps the only way I was able to suppress my frightened self. I can recall the times I would have my lunch in my English teachers classroom Mrs. Phung. My lunch at that time consisted of a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich with a small carton of milk that was given out by the school. She would go that extra mile not only for me but a few other students that needed assistance with the same issue. For thirty minute Mrs. Phung would focus on our writing skills, she taught us different ways in which we could brainstorm to be able to get good ideas for the topic that would be assigned.

Muoz 2 Another issue that she helped the seven students that gathered during the thirty minute lunch was with our grammar. Mrs. Phung was able to obtain grammar work books which contained numerous exercises to help us improve our grammar. We would have to finish a page or two of either punctuation, commas, colons or semicolons each time we would show up. Once we finished doing the page or two of exercises we had to hand in the workbook to Mrs. Phung for her to take home and correct them during her personal time. However, my biggest concern was where I would allocate these ideas, would they go in the introduction, body paragraphs or in the conclusion. Mrs. Phung also made extra time after school to stay longer than required, with no pay to help the group of students on how and which ways we could allocate the ideas which would make our readers keep focus on the paper. She would have us compile an essay once a week at home because she persuaded that the best way for us to get better at writing essays was by putting to use what we had been learning. I got to high school in the summer of 2004, man was I thankful for all of Mrs. Phungs help because the first day of my English class freshman year, the class was assigned an essay. The topic to the essay was where and how I had spent that summer vacation. I then knew how to structure the essay that was assigned, although it wasnt that much of a good grade, I knew I did better thanks to Mrs. Phung. Moving forward to my junior year in high school, I got the news that all students in order to graduate from high school had to write and get a passing score on an essay assigned by the state. There was no choice but to take and pass the essay because it was part of the California standards. From what I can recall I had to re-take the essay about three times. The essay had to be taken at the school cafeteria because it was the biggest and quietest place where the one hundred plus students could fit. The cafeteria looked completely different from when I would go in during lunch break, it was awfully quiet, no one in there but the students taking the essay, and

Muoz 3 at the distance behind double doors everyone was able to hear the cafeteria ladies chismeando(gossiping) while cleaning the pans, spatulas and the rest of the utensils. The first time I got to take the essay I was confused on the topic that was assigned to write about. Furthermore, I took approximately twenty or twenty-five minutes brainstorming on the topic and when the ideas came pouring in I rushed them into the paper. Times up, everyone put your pencils down Mr. Van der Linden stated, one of the school counselors that was supervising the essay takers. I couldnt believe time was up so quick, I had only been able to get through half of the essay it was embarrassing having to turn in a sloppy assignment. My essay was incomplete, there for that essay was a failure, and knowing to have to go through it again was a burden. When the second time came to take the essay, the topic was a lot easier to write about and there for I managed to complete the five paragraphs required. However, I had failed the essay one more time and the reason was the grammatical errors. A week later when I got to view the graded essay, a lot of words were circled and made the pages looked like a crossword puzzle. It was unreadable, there were just too many correction marks. After reading Proficiency by Shannon Nichols I noticed that I relate to her life in the sense that I wasnt the only one not being able to pass a writing test which played a big role in our graduation. After many attempts and many failures, not passing the test for both Shannon and I was freighting. We both shared the same emotions, we felt angry and frustrated at ourselves. I in particular couldnt believe that I wasnt able to pass the test after all the lunch breaks I gave up and all the preparation I had done in middle school. Following the second attempt and second failure I got placed into an English writing only class in which its focus was writing essays, essay structure and grammar. As soon as placed a foot in the classroom the old, tall, skinny white lady with no colored hair without hesitation found me a seat at the back of the

Muoz 4 room. There were nothing but clowns that werent taking the class nor graduation serious. The language they used was really negative, for example, they talked of how they didnt need to pass the essay in order to graduate. Now that Ive read The Perils and Promises by Carol S. Dweck leads me to think that these particular group of students had a fixed mindset because they acted superior to everyone else, but yet had such childish behavior. Horse playing and laughing at their idiotic Yo mama jokes was great and made what I thought at that point the boring class end much faster. After a few days of sitting in the back of the room, horse playing and not being able to concentrate, the light bulb came on. Then, I realized that I wasnt going to get much out of the class if I stayed in the back of the room sitting next to morons. When I looked at them I saw a reflection of myself, I knew for a fact that I sure didnt want to end up thinking like them. Terrifying thoughts of the disappointment and shame that I was going to bring to my parents if I didnt graduate came to my mind. I then was forced to take action and ask to be seated at the front of the class, my request was fulfilled. The atmosphere at the front of the class was much brighter, filled with positive energy, and I was able to see and feel a wealth of learners. Sitting at the front of the class with students who were serious about passing the California standardized essay helped me develop a growth mind set as well as to expand it. Thanks to that sudden change of seating and the learning desire, I passed the essay on the third time with a B letter grade. I was then relieved of fear, and I was able to tell my parents with great pleasure that their son was on the right path to graduation. I must hand it to that English teacher, her practice essays, worksheets and lectures really came through for me and Im forever grateful for her help. When in senior year, all seniors had to develop something called a Senior Project, and yes you guessed it right, this so called Senior Project did include an essay. To be exact it was a minimum of a five page essay of my envisioned proficiency after graduating high school and

Muoz 5 after completing college. Those news hit me like a bucket filled with ice cold water. I was in shock. I like Emily Vallowe in her Write or Wrong Identity then doubted my writing skills because a five page essay seemed too much to be doing at the high school level. This project had to include a power point, which we had to present a couple weeks before graduation day to once again determine if I was ready for the professional world. I worked on that essay and power point all throughout my senior year, and to be honest it was a headache to deal with, but it was a must do. Along with the power point and the essay I had to build a portfolio filled with brochures, articles, table of content and my auto bibliography. All that work in general seemed like collage level work and I didnt know if I was going to accomplish the goal with in the time frame. Once I got started on the senior project it wasnt too bad because I already knew the format of the essay, and the most important part was that I knew what I was going to be writing about. However, it took a lot of hours of research on a computer technicians educational background and the specifics of their job. To get this difficult task done was a challenge because of course a lot of revisions and corrections had to be done, although it was frustrating but piece by piece I completed the puzzle. When the day came to turn in and get the essay graded I was not surprised I had gotten an (A) because I had worked extra hard to get that piece of writing done, but most important the desire to graduate with the rest of my peers. This time my hard work didnt look like a crossword puzzle, as a matter of fact I praised it like Hamlet or Romeo and Juliet done by William Shakespeare. Although it was nowhere near to his master pieces. Just like Shakespeare I couldnt wait to perform to my writing because I knew acting on it would be no problem sense I was knowledgeable of the subject. It was a rainy Thursday afternoon, I remember it like it was yesterday, May 22, 2008 it was pouring like it had never that year. While under the balcony waiting for my brother to come

Muoz 6 out and take me to school to present the research I had done all year, I noticed that if I were to be standing on the side walk across the street from my house the water would well overflow my ankles. The rotting smell that came from the sewers was unbearable, the smell made me wonder if any dead rats were ready to emerge onto the streets. On the way to the school I noticed the streets that were once full of diverse colors and shapes were suddenly empty with the exception of two to three cars that we encountered on our way. Since the stereo to my brothers 1995 Ford Mustang had broken down a couple days before and my brother was really quiet for the first time, the entire trip was soundless. Due to the lack of distraction I started to get mixed feelings, I felt anxious, but anxiety of the fear of not impressing the judges. Now I wasnt sure what my true feelings were, I was confident at one point and fearful at another and all I was able to focus on was of all the things that could go wrong. To make matters worse I started do doubt myself and my creation, I didnt know if it was going to be good enough to sell myself to the judges. When arriving at the school the tension worsen and the mellow weather wasnt helping me ease out. While walking to the classroom 715 which I was assigned to present, I encountered a couple friend on their way out and had a short conversation of their new real world experience. All of them answered Its not hard at all, pretty easy, just make sure you dont run out of words, this comments then sky rocked it my confidence. As I moved along and just two rooms before arriving to room 715 I noticed a girl coming out of the room I was headed towards. Walking towards her I was able to hear her sobbing and as she raised her head walking pass me I noticed tears dripping down her cheeks. Her face expression was terrifying, my desire at that time was to stop her and ask what had happen, but I couldnt dare, so I moved along. Then, I said to myself Shit! Whats going to happen to me? As I sat in the benches outside the classroom waiting to be called in I stared at the rain pouring down, flooding

Muoz 7 the gardens, then a loud noise coming from the sky startled me. Now that I was self-conscious the fear of failure kicked in once again making my back shiver. When I got called to go in the room there were three souls in there and one of those souls pertaining to Mrs. Popovich whom had a reputation of not been very lenient with students. I remember smiling at the judges and politely saluted them with a Good afternoon. While setting up my power point the judges were talking about how bad the weather was and how they themselves hadnt seen nature so violent before. Once the power point was up, a judge asked me if I had the portfolio with me, and I proceeded by handing it to them. As they flipped through the pages looking for the requirements my hands started to sweat due to the nervousness of presenting because, that was a foreign language that I had never used nor I was accustomed to. While reading If Black Language Isnt a Language, Then Tell Me, What Is? by James Baldwin, strong flash backs of the presentation day came through my mind and made me question if the way one speaks during presentations is an add on to the more than 6,500 languages that already exist. This new language wasnt so hard to learn but it did take practice to speak it fluently. The next thing that was heard in the room was Are you guys satisfied with the portfolio? The response from Mrs. Popovich and the other female judge was Yes. Then, proceeded by complimenting the great work I had accomplished. Go ahead, you may start your presentation the male judge announced. I started the presentation by saluting them once again, followed by stating my name, and the name I gave my presentation. At the beginning of the presentation I was stuttering a lot and my hands were drenched in sweat. In the middle of the presentation all the occupants including myself heard a loud explosion sound outside and thinking it was thunder, we ignored it. Seconds after the explosion the lights in the room along with the power point presentation

Muoz 8 went out and there were screams of panic outside of the classroom, as we rushed outside through the door a second explosion was heard. Fire! Fire! the students that were awaiting their turn outside yelled with panic. The explosions and the fire were the product of lightning that hit a transformer just outside the classroom. When everyone had calmed down the judges instructed me back into the classroom to set another day for my presentation. Mrs. Popovich yet being to be known the toughest teacher on campus was convinced that my presentation along with the portfolio was outstanding work, the judges came to the conclusion that a second appointment for me to present was not needed. We the judges feel that your presentation meat all criteria required and it was an excellent presentation, there for we all agree to pass you without any further presentations. I was speechless. I couldnt believe what I had just heard, I was going to be able to graduate on time and with honors due to the excellent grades I had in all my classes. There was so much going through my heart and mind that I felt a tear come out of my right eye. That tear represented all the bumps I had faced head on since the beginning of my school years. That day I was able to see past the exercise that Mrs. Phung had me complete and all the prep work that I had to do to be able to pass the California standardized essay. I then saw that both of the teachers saw the potential in every student, that potential was like a superpower that needed to be awaken and it had finally done so. In conclusion, from not knowing the structure of an essay, not knowing simple grammar, to completing the essay I think I did pretty darn well in structuring an essay. I was astonished because I went from not being able to write a simple five paragraph essay to writing a five page research paper. I know I still have a lot of work to do to improve my writing skills and I know that this English 100 class will definitely give me a strong foundation, and excellent preparation if we continue the readings from which Im able to grasp a lot of information and Im able to

Muoz 9 apply it to my daily life. The group assignments help me gain more knowledge of the readings and assignments that are to be performed in class. I'm glad professor Duran introduced me to some of James Baldwins stories, he's a very inspiring man and he's stories gave me a taste of the worlds that I have yet to visit. Unlike Patricia Bizzel's "The Intellectual Work of 'Mixed' Forms of Academic Discourses" reading was full of interesting facts but it was making me drowsy, it was very hard for me to keep concentrated. The presentations are something that I must continue to strive on because thats one language that Ill need to master fluently for my career. The fact that Im doing really well and Im trying my best to stay ahead of the game makes me feel good about myself. I just have to keep my hunger for learning, and not give up on myself to be able to accomplish this and the many challenges that await ahead. Once again I would like to make my parents proud of the child that they gave birth too by graduating and obtaining a college degree. My dad work is a blue collar job, I have seen the major struggles my dad has faced economically, and Ive learned from those experiences thats the reason why I decided to come back to college and fulfill my dreams. One day I would love to pay back my dad by giving him a roof and keeping him healthy just like he did when I was growing up. I hope that professor Duran doesnt give up on me just like my middle school and high school teacher, because I know that once in a while Ill be needing a little push. I enjoy being part of her history because shes very understanding and patient with us students. Just like Mrs. Phung and my temporary English teacher during high school I know she cares about her students and she would like to see every single one of us move on knowledgeable and successful.