Essay #2

!" Meagan Edwards

WORD COUNT 2152
CHARACTER COUNT 11322
TME SUBMTTED 20-OCT-2013 03:27PM
PAPER D 364026417
?
colon
Review
in-text
citation
format.
Don't use
the company's
own claims as
objective evidence.
If it's
already
a fact--why
write
the review?
Where is the issue or
controversy?
"could be" or will be?
What
research
might
you add
to this paragraph?
Review
in-text
citation
lessons
and textbook
(pg 465 #1)
How can you
restructure
this long paragraph.
Diversify
your sources
so that you
are not just
restating one
source.
Continue
to strengthen
topic
sentence
Omit-
repetition
Author?
Date?
page
number
who is this "you"
page
You should be using
APA and APA format
calls this page
References.
QM
QM
FNAL GRADE
85/100
Essay #2
GRADEMARK REPORT
GENERAL COMMENTS
Instructor
Hi Meagan,
ntroduction and Thesis:
Your first paragraph is off to a strong start. t introduces
the product clearly to the reader, but why write the
review? s there debate about the product? s there a
question about what medicine or treatment is best? What
is YOUR evaluation?
Criteria:
A paragraph is provided to present the reader with the
criteria for evaluation. Good work. How might you
strengthen this paragraph with some concrete research?
Structure and Evaluation:
Generally, there is sense of structure here, but it needs
better foregrounding through stronger topic sentences.
Continue to bring in more diverse research in some
paragraphs so that your paper doesn't read like a
summary of the Alzheimer website.
Research and Citations:
More development of Reference page format needed.
Electronic retrieval information is missing on your
journal articles. Review class lessons on in-text
citations.
Proofreading and Editing:
Overall, your ideas are clear, but more work on editing
will make the more succinct and less wording. Continue
to practice editing skills.
PAGE 1
wording wording
Text Comment. ?
Edit
QM
QM
QM
Text Comment. colon
p punctuation
p punctuation
Text Comment. Review
in-text
citation
format.
Don't use
the company's
own claims as
objective evidence.
f it's
already
a fact--why
write
the review?
Where is the issue or
controversy?
PAGE 2
Text Comment. "could be" or will be?
apostrophe apostrophe
Text Comment. What
research
might
you add
to this paragraph?
Text Comment. Review
in-text
citation
lessons
and textbook
(pg 465 #1)
PAGE 3
Text Comment. How can you
restructure
this long paragraph.
QM
QM
QM
QM
Text Comment. Diversify
your sources
so that you
are not just
restating one
source.
PAGE 4
Text Comment. Continue
to strengthen
topic
sentence
wording wording
Edit
Text Comment. Omit-
wording wording
Text Comment. repetition
Text Comment. Author? Date?
Text Comment. page number
PAGE 5
Text Comment. who is this "you"
TS Work to develop stronger topic sentence.
PAGE 6
Text Comment. page
PAGE 7
Text Comment. You should be using APA and APA format calls this page References.