Watching the Fields 12 versions Original version: Sand in the glass falling To the bottom of the hour Small

amounts gnawing away for a taste Gradually growing from a nibble to a devour Twenty four times recycled with zero waste Never escaping beyond boundaries without being chased ach day running with a little e!tra vigor and haste "olding onto that last straw #i$e a scarecrow in the battlefield %al$ing evenly along The flat surface of the earth &efore calculators and aftermath 'eciding how much time spent is worth (ear of falling fool to illusion Of the ground and s$y operating in unison Too tired to sleep) too thirsty to drin$ *lways e!posed to the reaching arms of the sun *ll of the nights hard wor$ coming undone The finished product to never be discovered *ttracted by the music of the rusty ra$es) &irds flying +ust above my see level 'elivering invitations to possibly soar &ut which way did they go, &y their instructions and my believing - would come bac$ and learn tomorrow *lthough - will never be leaving

1st revision: Sand in the glass falling) To the bottom of the hour. Small amounts gnawing away for a taste) Gradually growing from a nibble to a devour. Twenty four times recycled with zero waste. Never escaping beyond boundaries without being chased) ach day running with a little e!tra vigor and haste. "olding onto that last straw... #i$e a scarecrow in the battlefield.

%al$ing evenly along) The flat surface of the earth) &efore calculators and aftermath) 'eciding how much time spent is worth. (ear of falling fool to illusion) Of the ground and s$y operating in unison. Too tired to sleep) too thirsty to drin$. *lways e!posed to the reaching arms of the sun) *ll of the nights hard wor$ coming undone. The finished product to never be discovered. *ttracted by the music of the rusty ra$es) &irds flying +ust above my see level. 'elivering invitations to /possibly0 soar... &ut which way did they go, &y their instructions and my believing) - would come bac$ and learn tomorrow) /*lthough - will never be leaving.0

2nd revision: Sand falling) To the bottom of the hourglass. Small grits gnawing away for a taste) Gradually growing from a nibble to a monster. Twenty four times recycled with zero sand wasted. Never escaping beyond the fence without being chased) ach day running through the field with a little e!tra vigor and haste. "olding onto that last piece of straw... #i$e a scarecrow in the battlefield. %al$ing evenly along the path) The flat surface of the earth) &efore a calculator and aftermath) 'eciding how much time spent is worth in gold) (ear of being another person falling fool to illusion) Of the ground and s$y operating in unison. Too tired to sleep) too thirsty to drin$ water. *lways e!posed to the reaching arms of the sun) *ll of the plowed ground coming undone. The sprouting plants to never be discovered. *ttracted by the music of the rusty ra$es) &irds flying +ust above my see level. 'elivering an invitation to /possibly0 soar... &ut beyond which tree did they go, &y their map and my believing)

- would come bac$ and follow the birds) /*lthough - will never be leaving the ground.0

1rd revision: Sand falling) Towards the bottom of the hourglass. 2atiently waiting for the last grit to land on the bottomless base. Gradually grows from a $itten3s nibble to the chomping of an insatiable monster. 4epeated twenty four times with zero sand wasted. Never able to escape beyond the barbed fence. ach day running through the second to last row in the field. "olding onto a last piece of frayed straw... #i$e a defenseless scarecrow in the ungoverned battlefield. %al$ing evenly along the dirt path) the flat surface of the unbound earth) before a calculator in poc$et and a spreadsheet on des$top. 'eciding how much time spent is worth in stac$s of silver pieces) (ear of being another farmer falling fool to illusion) Of the beaten ground and the pristine s$y hugging at the horizon. Too tired to sleep soundly) too thirsty to drin$ water. *lways e!posed to the infinitely long rays of the sun. *ll of the plowed soil coming undone) never to harvest the corn. *ttracted by the scraping of the rusty ra$e) 5 birds fly +ust above my head and deliver an invitation to /possibly0 soar... &ut beyond which elm tree did they go, &y their e!tensive map and my faith) - would return and follow the blue birds) /*lthough - will never be leaving the ground.0

6th revision: Sand falling) Towards the bottom of the hourglass. 2atiently waiting for the last grit to land on the bottomless base. Gradually grows from a $itten3s nibble

to the chomping of an insatiable monster. 4epeated twenty four times with zero sand wasted. Never able to escape beyond the barbed fence. ach day running through the second to last row in the field. "olding onto a last piece of frayed straw... #i$e a defenseless scarecrow in the ungoverned battlefield. %al$ing evenly along the dirt path) the flat surface of the unbound earth) before a calculator in poc$et or a spreadsheet on des$top. 'eciding how much time spent is worth in stac$s of silver pieces) (ear of being another farmer falling fool to illusion) Of the beaten ground and the pristine s$y hugging at the horizon. Too tired to sleep soundly) too thirsty to drin$ water. *lways e!posed to the infinitely long rays of the sun. *ll of the plowed soil coming undone) never to harvest the corn. *ttracted by the scraping of the rusty ra$e) 5 birds fly +ust above my head and deliver an invitation to /possibly0 soar... &ut beyond which elm tree did they go, &y their e!tensive map and my faith) - would return and follow the blue birds) /*lthough - will never be leaving the ground.0

5th revision: Sand falling) Towards the bottom of the hourglass. 2atiently waiting for the last grit to land on the bottomless base. Gradually grows from a $itten3s nibble to the chomping of an insatiable monster. 4epeated twenty four times

with zero sand wasted. Never able to escape beyond the barbed fence. ach day running through the second to last row in the field. "olding onto a last piece of frayed straw... #i$e a defenseless scarecrow in the ungoverned battlefield. %al$ing evenly along the dirt path) the flat surface of the unbound earth) before a calculator in poc$et or a spreadsheet on des$top. 'eciding how much time spent is worth in stac$s of silver pieces) (ear of being another farmer falling fool to illusion) Of the beaten ground and the pristine s$y hugging at the horizon. Too tired to sleep soundly) too thirsty to drin$ water. *lways e!posed to the infinitely l o n g r a y s of the sun. *ll of the plowed soil coming u n d o n never to harvest the corn. *ttracted by the scraping of the rusty ra$e) 5 birds fly +ust above my head and deliver an invitation to /possibly0 soar... &ut beyond which elm tree did they go, &y their e!tensive map and my faith) - would return and follow the blue birds) /*lthough - will never be leaving the ground.0

e)

7th revision: Sand falling) Towards the bottom of the hourglass. 2atiently waiting for the last grit to land on the bottomless base. Gradually grows from a $itten3s nibble

to the chomping of an insatiable monster. 4epeated twenty four times with zero sand wasted. Never able to escape beyond the barbed fence. ach day running through the second to last row in the field. "olding onto a last piece of frayed straw... #i$e a defenseless scarecrow in the ungoverned battlefield. %al$ing unevenly along the dirt path) the flat surface of the unbound earth) before a calculator in poc$et or a spreadsheet on des$top. 'eciding how much time spent is worth in stac$s of silver pieces) (ear of being another farmer falling fool to illusion) Of the beaten ground and the pristine s$y hugging at the horizon. Too tired to drin$ water too thirsty to fall asleep. *lways e!posed to the infinitely l o n g r a y s of the sun. *ll of the plowed soil coming u n d o n never to harvest the corn. *ttracted by the scraping of the rusty ra$e) 5 birds fly +ust above my head and deliver an invitation to /possibly0 soar... &ut beyond which elm tree did they go, &y their e!tensive map and my faith) - would return and follow the blue birds) /*lthough - will never be leaving the ground.0

e)

8th revision: Sand falling) Towards the bottom of the hourglass. 2atiently waiting for the last grit to land on the bottomless base.

Gradually grows from a $itten3s nibble to the chomping of an insatiable monster. 4epeated twenty four times with zero sand wasted. Never able to escape beyond the barbed fence. ach day running through the second to last row in the field. "olding onto a last piece of frayed straw... #i$e a defenseless scarecrow in the ungoverned battlefield. %al$ing unevenly along the dirt path) the flat surface of the unbound earth) before a calculator in poc$et or a spreadsheet on des$top. 'eciding how much time spent is worth in stac$s of silver pieces. (ear of being another farmer falling fool to illusion) Of the beaten ground and the pristine s$y hugging at the horizon. Too tired to drin$ water too thirsty to fall asleep. *lways e!posed to the infinitely l o n g r a y s of the sun. *ll of the plowed soil coming u n d never to harvest the corn.

e)

*ttracted by the scraping of the rusty ra$e) 5 birds fly +ust above my head and deliver an invitation to /possibly0 soar... &ut beyond which elm tree did they go, &y their e!tensive map and my faith) - would return and follow the blue birds) /*lthough - will never be leaving the ground.0

9th revision:

Sand falling) Towards the bottom of the hourglass. %aiting for the last grit to land on the bottomless base. -mpatience transforms from a $itten3s nibble to the chomping of an insatiable monster. 4epeated twenty four times with zero sand wasted. Never able to escape beyond the barbed fence. ach day running through the second to last row in the field. "olding onto a last piece of frayed straw... #i$e a defenseless scarecrow in the ungoverned battlefield. %al$ing unevenly along the dirt path) the flat surface of the unbound earth) before a calculator in poc$et or a spreadsheet on des$top. 'eciding how much time spent is worth in stac$s of silver pieces. (ear of being another farmer falling fool to illusion) Of the beaten ground and the pristine s$y hugging at the horizon. Too tired to drin$ water too thirsty to fall asleep. *lways e!posed to the infinitely l o n g r a y s of the sun. *ll of the plowed soil coming u n d never to harvest the corn. *ttracted by the scraping of the rusty ra$e) (ive cardinals fly +ust above my head and deliver an invitation to /possibly0 soar... &ut beyond which elm tree did they go,

e)

&y their e!tensive map and my faith) - would return and follow the ruby birds) /*lthough - will never be leaving the ground.0

:th revision: Sand falling) Towards the bottom of the hourglass. %aiting for the last grit to land on the bottomless base. -mpatience transforms from a $itten3s nibble to the chomping of an insatiable monster. 4epeated twenty four times with zero sand wasted. %al$ing unevenly along the dirt path) the flat surface of the unbound earth) before a calculator in poc$et or a spreadsheet on des$top. 'eciding how much time spent is worth in stac$s of silver pieces. Never able to escape beyond the barbed fence. ach day running through the second to last row in the field. *ll of the plowed soil coming u n d never to harvest the corn. *lways e!posed to the infinitely l o n g r a y s of the sun. Too tired to drin$ water too thirsty to fall asleep. "olding onto a last piece of frayed straw... #i$e a defenseless scarecrow o n e)

in the ungoverned battlefield. (ear of being another farmer falling fool to illusion) Of the beaten ground and the pristine s$y hugging at the horizon. *ttracted by the scraping of the rusty ra$e) (ive cardinals fly +ust above my head and deliver an invitation to /possibly0 soar... &ut beyond which elm tree did they go, &y their e!tensive map and my faith) - would return and follow the ruby birds) /*lthough - will never be leaving the ground.0

1;th revision: Sand falling) Towards the bottom of an hourglass. %aiting for the last grit to land on a bottomless base. -mpatience transforms from a $itten3s nibble to the chomping of an insatiable monster. 4epeated twenty four times with zero sand wasted. %al$ing unevenly along a dirt path) the flat surface of unbound earth) before calculator in poc$et or spreadsheet on des$top. 'eciding how much time spent is worth in stac$s of silver pieces. Never able to escape beyond that barbed fence. ach day running

through the second to last row in the field. *ll the plowed soil coming u n never to harvest corn. *lways e!posed to infinitely l o n g r a y s of sun. Too thirsty to fall asleep) too tired to drin$ water. (ear of being another farmer falling fool to illusion) Of beaten ground and pristine s$y hugging at the horizon. "olding onto a last piece of frayed straw... #i$e a defenseless scarecrow in ungoverned battlefield. *ttracted by scraping of a rusty ra$e) (ive cardinals fly +ust above my head and deliver an invitation to /possibly0 soar... &ut beyond which elm tree did they go, &y their e!tensive map and my faith) - would return and follow the star of those ruby birds) /*lthough - will never be leaving the ground.0 d o n e)

11th revision: Sand falling) <slowly< towards the bottom of an hourglass. =%aiting for the last grit to land on a bottomless base. -mpatience transforms from a $itten3s nibble

to the chomping of an insatiable monster. 4epeated 26! with ; sand wasted. %al$ing unevenly along a dirt path) the >flat surface> of unbound earth) &6 calculator in poc$et or spreadsheet on des$top. 'eciding how much time spent is worth in stac$s of ?ilver pieces. Never able to escape beyond that @barbed@ fence. ach day running through the 2nd to last row in the field. *ll the plowed soil coming u n never to harvest corn. *lways e!posed to infinitely l o n g r a y s of sun. 2 thirsty to fall asleep) 2 tired to drin$ water. (ear of being another farmer falling fool to illusion) Of beaten ground A pristine s$y hugging B the horizon. "olding onto a last piece of frayed straw... #i$e a defenseless scarecrow in ungoverned battlefield. *ttracted by scraping of a rusty ra$e) 5 cardinals fly +ust above my head and deliver an CinvitationD to /possibly0 soar... &ut beyond which elm tree did they go, &y their e!tensive map and my 5;E faith) - would return and follow the star of those ruby birds) /*lthough - will never be leaving the ground.0 Fstuc$here6evs d o n e)

This is my wor$shop poem that - wrote. Gy first revision was to fi! my mista$e of not having any punctuation besides the one lone comma and Huestion mar$. - also chose to e!periment with the effect of ellipses) parentheses since - have not been using these in my poems and - feel they have a place in this poem. - li$ed how the poem read more clearly with the punctuation. The ellipses accomplished the effect - was going for by letting the line of holding the last straw linger to emphasize the holding on. -n the other line about the invitations to possibly soar it gave the effect of waiting for a response to the invitation and showing uncertainty. The parentheses around possibly showed that it3s not really spo$en but it3s understood that it may not happen so - li$ed the intimacy of human nature that showed there. The parentheses on the last line accomplished what - was originally going for by not wanting to e!plicitly state that - will never be leaving but it being more of a thought that is unspo$en. - felt li$e lost focus while writing this on the concrete sub+ects so for my second revision - searched for lines without concrete ob+ect and made sure they had concrete ob+ects. - could not believe how many lines were lac$ing concrete ob+ects so doing this had a big impact on increasing imagery. On my wor$shop poem) you said that - needed to be more literal and specific so that was the goal of my third revision. Iou were absolutely right. -n my opinion this revision had the biggest impact of any poem. *t first +ust couldn3t come up with any new words. - felt li$e - was trying to $eep going with the story too much. - decided - would fi! this by starting from the last line and wor$ing my way up the poem instead. New words and ideas came to me doing it this way. - really li$e the impact this revision had by creating good imagery and fresh ideas rather than using trope and cliches. (or my fourth revision) wanted to see how the poem would turn out if - got away from all long lines so - e!perimented with en+ambment. - definitely li$ed the effect this had because the lines seemed less rushed and allowed a little more time to let the content to be processed and sin$ in. (or my fifth revision - wanted to see how - could match the form to the content. There were several places that - was able to match what was happening in the poem by altering the form so this had a successful effect of matching the form and content. (or my si!th revision) - incorporated a couple suggestions from my classmates in wor$shop. really li$ed the change suggested by S$yler to Ctoo thirsty to sleepD and Ctoo tired to drin$.D This sounds really cool and is li$e a catchJ22 that - had in my head when writing the poem but - did not write it in the best way. Kac$ie also helped by pointing out the chaos and e!haustion in the poem but then the sub+ect wal$ing evenly so - did change that to unevenly. - li$ed the effect both of these changes had on my poem to ma$e it more congruent. (or my seventh revision) - wanted to brea$ up the poem from being one chun$ and try it in stanzas. - li$ed the effect this had. *long the same idea of the effect of the en+ambment) it slowed it down and gave it a chance to segue between different scenes since before it was a lot of images thrown together. (or my eighth revision) - wanted to see if brea$ing it up even more from an average of about 7 lines per stanza to couplets) tercets) and Huatrains would have a nice effect. - do li$e it this way slightly better to isolate each image and this is the form of stanzas - am going to stic$ with for now. - feel li$e it3s a person that has been rushed and is finally ta$ing the time to pause and reflect on these circumstances. *fter having the scenes isolated more) noticed a few areas that seemed li$e they sounded out of order so - went bac$ through to reJarrange the lines for my ninth revision. This had a nice effect because this really helped to gain more order of the scenes and it was much easier to follow after reading this version. (or my tenth revision - wanted to remove small words that seemed to be ma$ing the poem choppy. - removed many of Ca)D CtheD and others. - li$ed the effect it had of ma$ing the poem smoother. (or my eleventh revision) - felt the urge to try some new things and use digits for numbers and some symbols. This was sort of a

CmodernizationD of the poem with a couple of shorthand versions of words and a hashtag at the end. thought it was cool how - referred to the too tired and too thirsty part earlier as a catch 22 and then made the two lines together form 2J2. - wasn3t sure if - would li$e all these changes but - thin$ it adds a uniHue dimension and hopefully - can read it to the class and see what they thin$. Overall) before - started this whole pro+ect) - thought it would be redundant doing all the revisions but the techniHues became habitual and now it feels natural to see a poem and automatically see ways to improve it. - realized the value of this repetition. Sometimes - was only loo$ing to change one aspect and some other idea or word came to mind so the revisions sometimes accomplish even more than originally planned. -t helped +ust by spending time with it which goes bac$ to what youLve said and also the Huote on the syllabus. - feel li$e - really learned a lot and have a whole new view on poetry after this course.