The Salon 7 versions Original: Lavender shampoo being lathered into the lengthy hair and washed away,.

Water wooshing and whirling around, swirling to the bottom of the basin. Ding! Ding! The bell on the door rings. The door swings open, a wave of the warm weather rushes into and throughout the salon. boy ta!es rest amongst the many on the "omfy leather "ou"h. The stylist brushes the brunette#s hair gently and as!s, $What would you li!e done%& The girl slides her fingers from the verte' allllllll the way down to the tips $( )ust don#t want it to be so long.& *nip. *nip snip. *pendiig *aturday sitting at the salon *nip. *nip snip. +a"h strand of !eratin being bro!en by the s"issors ,lings all her hair to the left side, slaps her on the "hee! and shoulder. *nip. -ust one final twea! and it#s all over

.st revision: Lavender shampoo being lathered into the lengthy hair and washed away. Water wooshing and whirling around, swirling to the bottom of the basin. Ding! Ding! The bell on the door rings. The door swings open, a wave of the warm weather rushes into and throughout boy ta!es rest amongst the many on the "omfy leather "ou"h. The stylist brushes the brunette#s hair gently and as!s, $What would you li!e done%& The girl slides her fingers from the verte' allllllllll the way down to the tips. $( )ust don#t want it to be so long.& *nip. *nip snip. *pendiig *aturday sitting at the salon

the

salon.

*nip. *nip snip. +a"h strand of !eratin being bro!en by the s"issors. ,lings all her hair to the left side, slaps her on the "hee! and shoulder. *nip. -ust one final twea! and it#s all over.

/nd revision: Lavender shampoo being lathered into the tangled "urly hair and washed away,. Water splashing around, swirling to the bottom of the basin. Ding! Ding! The bell on the door rings. 0early unheard due to the gossipy "hatter of the waiting room, the door swings open. wave of the warm weather rushes into and throughout the salon. boy ta!es rest amongst the many on the "omfy leather "ou"h. The stylist brushes the brunette#s hair gently and as!s, $What would you li!e done%& The girl slides her fingers alomg the moist strands from the verte' allllllll the way down to the tips $( )ust don#t want it to be so long.& *nip. *nip snip. *pendiig *aturday sitting at the salon. (nhaling the mi'ture of "hemi"al1laden mousse, overpowering hairspray, and baby powder, topped off with a tropi"al "andle burning in the "enter of the room *nip. *nip snip. +a"h strand of !eratin being bro!en by the s"issors ,lings all her hair to the left side, slaps her on the "hee! and shoulder. The bu22ing of the "lippers nearby gets louder and louder. *nip. *he slathers on sti"!y gel that "lings the hair to her fingers -ust one final twea! and it#s all over

3rd revision: Lathering lavender shampoo into the girl#s lengthy hair and wash it away. Whooshing and whirling the water around, mesmeri2ing me, as ( wat"h it swirl to the bottom of the basin. Ding! Ding! That damn bell on the door rings again. The door swings open, a wave of the warm weather rushes at me

and ( thin! how ( "ould be outside playing volleyball. The boy plops down onto the "ou"h with his dirty shoes "rossed over the 4ersian rug. ( ta!e the boar bristle brush to the brunette#s hair gently and as!, $What would you li!e done%& The girl slides her fingers from the verte' allllllll the way down to the tips $( )ust don#t want it to be so long.& *o ( go snip. *nip snip. *pending my pre"ious *aturday standing on my a"hing feet all day. *nip. *nip snip. +a"h strand of !eratin being bro!en by the s"issors, feeling the pulsations of blisters on my fingers. *he flings all her hair to the left side, swiping my ne"! in the pro"ess. *nip. -ust one final twea! and it#s all over, until the ne't.

5th revision: *oothing shampoo is lathered onto my head. (t smells so ni"e, maybe of lavender. 6rrrr! Water that#s way too "old swirls around my head. Ding! Ding! (#m startled by the bell on the door. gust of wel"omed warmth rushes into the salon and "omforts me. One more is added to the long list of waiting "ustomers. brush is stro!ed along my s"alp as (#m as!ed how (#d li!e it. ( never !now how to e'plain that perfe"t pi"ture in my mind. $( )ust don#t want it to be so long.& *nip. *nip snip. *pending *aturday afternoon sitting at the salon. +'"ited to show off my new do at the prom tonight. *nip. *nip snip. ( wat"h as the s"raps of hair flutter to the ground, li!e a maple leaf falling from the tree. ( fling my hair to the side and smile as this pretty girl loo!s ba"! at me in the mirror. *nip. -ust one final twea! and (#m allll done!

7th revision:

( swing the door of the salon open. Ding! Ding! 8ool! ( step ba"! outside and enter again. Ding ding! ( "an#t help but shuffle out and ba"! in one more time. Ding! +veryone is glaring at me9 ( plop down on the empty spot on the "omfy leather "ou"h. beautiful brown1haired girl "omes around the "orner and sits in the "hair ( usually do. ( grab the nearest maga2ine to prevent myself from staring. 101 tips to please your man ( set down the "osmo and rea"h for the +*40 with a pi"ture of Lebron dun!ing on the "over. Time passes by slower than in math "lass. (#m spending my *aturday sitting at the stupid salon! ( wish ( were playing bas!etball at the elementary s"hool a"ross from my house with the hoop that#s )ust low enough so that ( "an dun! )ust li!e Lebron.

:th revision: ( swing the door of the salon open. Ding! Ding! 8ool! ( step ba"! outside and enter again. Ding ding! ( "an#t help but shuffle out and ba"! in one more time. Ding!;;; +veryone is glaring at me9 ( plop down on the empty spot on the "omfy leather "ou"h. beautiful brown1haired girl "omes around the "orner and sits in the "hair ( usually do. ( grab the nearest maga2ine to prevent myself from staring. .<. tips to please your man. ( set down the "osmo and rea"h for the +*40 with a pi"ture of Lebron dun!ing on the "over. Time passes by slower than in math "lass. (#m spending my *aturday sitting at the stupid salon! ( wish ( were playing bas!etball at the elementary s"hool a"ross from my house with the hoop that#s )ust low enough so that ( "an dun! )ust li!e Lebron.

;;;(n grade s"hool and maybe even )unior high my mother would ta!e my brother and ( to get our hair "ut on a monthly basis. (t would always be right after a long day of sitting in "lass. This salon had a very loud bell that sounded whenever the door was opened sin"e the view of the door from the hairdressing area was blo"!ed by a wall. The three of us got our hair "ut one at a time. =y mother usually went last so by this time my brother and ( were pretty antsy. We inevitably would start e'iting and entering the door to hear the bell. t first it would start slowly, then we would do it faster and with different patterns until it would turn into an obno'ious musi"al game between us. The employees and our mother were pretty annoyed with our behavior and too! turns telling us to stop. ,or some reason we never "ould stop and we were always grounded after every hair"ut. +ventually our mother too! us to a different salon be"ause she was too embarrassed to !eep returning with us to that one. This original poem was an assignment where ( e'perimented with various sound effe"ts. ( had purposely made the lines in the first half of the poem long and then short in the se"ond half to show the transition from long to short hair. ,or my first revision, ( e'perimented with varying line lengths throughout the poem. ( shortened a lot of the lines but ( espe"ially li!ed when ( too! line eight and e'tended it all the way a"ross the page to show the warm weather infiltrating through the salon. lso in line .5 ( e'tended this line down the page to show the hand starting at the verte' and going all the way down to the tips where the hair is a lot smaller in diameter than up top. nother line that ( felt was improved by en)ambment was where it says the strands being bro!en by the s"issors. ( brea! the line off where it says bro!en. *o ( didn#t !now how it would turn out removing the form that ( originally li!ed but these few instan"es of "hanging the lines spe"ifi"ally made the effe"t of the en)ambments worthwhile to the poem by mat"hing the form to the "ontent. ,or my se"ond revision, ( figured the salon was an environment where there should be more senses involved so ( wanted to address that. ( added sti"!y te'ture, bu22ing and "hattering sounds, and an array of smells. ( felt that adding those senses into the poem brought the reader into the environment of the salon. ,or my third revision, ( went ba"! to the original form of the poem and told it from the hair stylist#s point of view. (t brought a different attitude into the poem. =ost importantly, it made me loo! at the surroundings differently and brought out details and images that ( never would have thought about otherwise. ( prefer this point of view of the "hara"ter in the s"ene rather than the omnis"ient third person point of view. ( also added in the detail and "onsonan"e of the boar bristle brush. ,or my fourth revision, ( de"ided to try the same thing e'"ept swit"h to the point of view of the girl getting her hair "ut. This point of view brought even more insight to the poem and ( thin! this is the most intimate version so far and also my favorite. ,or my fifth revision, sin"e the different points of view are going so well, ( figured ( would "he"! it out from the boy#s point of view. This version is "ompletely different due to the very "ontrast personality of the boy "ompared to the other people in the salon and ta!es on a more simple language. (t is not my favorite version but it does offer a uni>ue angle. ( use the ellipses to draw out the un"omfortable stares of the people staring at the boy as he wal!s over to the "ou"h. ,or my si'th revision ( wanted to add footnotes to the last revision to add another dimension of personal e'perien"e for the reader to en)oy.