Childhood is a very special, essential, and irreplaceable time in any persons life. It is a time for discovery and learning.

It is a time for building relationships and shaping ones character. As a building block to the pillar of adulthood, childhood prepares us for our future without us even realizing it at times. The time that passes from our birth to our death is all equally important and connected to the person we are. The type of childhood we have has a great potential to affect the adulthood we will also have. Erik Erikson, a psychodynamic theorist, was a man who understood the connections that childhood, and other stages of life, can have when one becomes an adult. He had a theory that said people go through eight different crises throughout their lifetime, from birth to death. In his theory, how one handled one challenge of life could have a great effect on the next challenge he or she would face. He believed you could use each challenge to improve upon the person you are or you could do nothing with the challenge to your detriment. His point, overall, was simply this: how people address problems in each stage of life will construct their lives positively or negatively (McDevitt, 2013, 418). The purpose of the self-study assignment is to take a journey throughout life. Going through each stage of Eriksons theory and comparing it to events in my own life will show how I have responded to those events. This assignment will help give some reasoning to certain aspects of my childhood, and will most likely be able to give some indicators about my possible future.

Trust vs. Mistrust-The Infancy Period As soon as an infant enters this world, he or she will start to learn about trusting others. During this stage of life, an infant will learn to develop trust of others when his or her needs are met. On the other hand, however, when an infant is neglected and paid no attention, he or she will mistrust others. When an infant does not have dependable care and fails to build trust, he or she will usually form attachments with others that prove to be insecure and somewhat weak. In this situation, the parent can aid the infant in this challenge by providing proper care that will encourage trust in the relationship (McDevitt 2013, 420). Though I do not have any recollection of this period in my life, I have been able to glean some information from my parents. My mother said that she felt like breastfeeding really helped me to build a trusting bond with her. She said she tried to be very consistent and I was not very old before I had already started telling her when it was time to eat, because I knew it was coming. I did not exhibit any signs of being hungry or wondering if I might eat or not. Though I could not tell time at all, I knew enough to know when my mother usually fed me. Also, my father said that he always noticed how trusting I was of our family friends who I was not always with. We went to church regularly so I was always in the nursery away from my parents during those times. He said most of the women who kept me could come take me from him or my mother anytime and I would go straight to them. I must have felt comfortable and trusting enough to let them take me from my own parents. Clearly, they were providing me with dependable care that met my needs while I was with them that helped build my trust to them.

As a whole, I was a very trusting infant because my parents provided me with excellent care. They also were very social with both friends and family. At times, they entrusted me with some excellent people to babysit or keep me who did the same. I was able to have trusting relationships with adults at a very early time in my life because of the way they provided for me. I believe I left this stage with a good basis on how to build trust with adults and, since I had never found them to be undependable, I did not have to suffer negative effects of this stage. Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt-Toddler Years As infants grow into toddlers, their bodies grow a great deal. They gain more skills regarding their movement and are able to start doing a number of tasks. They learn how to go to the bathroom, how to put their clothes on, how to pick up toys, how to eat by themselves, etc. How an adult responds to the toddler doing these tasks will bring forth autonomy or shame and doubt. Autonomy results from children being encouraged to do reasonable tasks that they are able to complete independently. The toddler learns how to properly do these things on his or her own to form a small step towards independence. When toddlers are given too much to do independently or they are scolded for trying things on their own, they will begin to feel a sense of shame and doubt. They will start to think that they are unable to do certain tasks (McDevitt, 2013, 418). I have been an extremely independent person for as long as I can remember. As a toddler, I received a Sesame Street book, for I was an avid fan, called I Can Do It Myself. It featured Ernie going throughout his day doing jobs on his own such as feeding himself, washing his hands, getting dressed, picking up toys, etc. My mom said that I quickly adopted this phrase as my own and it was not before long that I was telling her all the time that I could do it myself.

I have a home video that my mom took of me in the bath tub playing with an Ernie doll when I was about 2 years old. She picks up the shampoo bottle, squirts some in her hand, and reaches to wash my hair. I quickly stop her and tell her I can do it myself. Sure enough, she let me and I succeeded in getting my hair all soapy. I then proceeded to also get soap to wash Ernies hair, by myself. My mom told me that there were times when she did need to put a restraint on my independence. For example, my parents had just brought my little sister, Molly, home from the hospital. My mom had sat her in the living room and went to the bathroom to clean up a bit. My dad was in the kitchen getting some lunch ready. My mom asked him to bring the baby in to her and he asked her to wait just a second. I overheard their conversation and thought I could do it myself. So, at about 2 or 3 years old, I picked up my newborn sister and carried her into my mom. Of course, my mom was shocked and quickly took her from my arms. She said she told me that time that I could not do everything without help. I left this stage feeling pretty confident about doing things on my own because of the encouragement I often received from my parents. Initiative vs. Guilt-Preschool Years As toddlers continue to grow, their individuality will begin to become more and more evident. By the time they have reached the preschool age, they will begin to start finding some of their own personal interests. For example, one little girl may really love to play with dolls, while another may love to spend her time coloring. They will begin to take initiative to do the activities they enjoy independently. If an adult encourages a child to pursue his or her interests, the adult is cultivating that initiative in the young child. On the other hand, however, if that adult

discourages certain activities for whatever the reason, the child may start to develop feelings of guilt by not behaving in a manner in which the adult approves (McDevitt, 2013, 419). During my preschool years, I can remember distinctly that I started to develop some of my own interests. I really loved animals so I would spend a great deal of time with my dog when I was at home. One day, I got home from preschool, ran inside the house, and got some water and food out for my dog without even saying anything to my mom. She saw that I enjoyed it and was interested in doing that so she encouraged me by letting me have the special job of feeding our dog every day after school. I also really enjoyed art related projects. As most children tend to do, I really enjoyed the especially messy art projects such as cutting paper, finger painting, or playing with pla y dough. I would often start engaging in these activities on my own, only to have my mom, who was especially particular on the cleanliness of our house, get on to me for my messiness. Though I do not believe she meant it negatively, there were times when I felt a sense of guilt about that. I was not purposely trying to make a mess; I was just trying to enjoy my art time. My moms reactions would often make me feel bad like I was displeasing her for doing art. On the other hand, my granny was quite the opposite. She enjoyed very much doing art projects with me at her house. She never said anything about me being messy and she usually was the one making a bigger mess than me. I always remember feeling very comfortable to do projects with her. She was definitely more laid back, as most grandmothers would be, than my mom was. I feel that she really encouraged me to take initiative in pursuing my interests. As a whole, I feel that the influence of adults in my life did foster my ability to take initiative in participating in activities that I found to be interesting.

Industry vs. Inferiority-Elementary School Years For most children, the preschool years are used to prepare children to enter into elementary school. During those elementary years, children will be instructed in a whole new way. With this instruction, however, also comes a new feat in the form of assessment. Children will be required to show their knowledge and skill regarding the new concepts they have been taught. Children will soon recognize that they can be praised by adults for their achievements in school. This will foster a sense of industry in them. They will begin to strive towards excellence and they will work very hard to learn the required skills. If children do not meet the expectations of adults, they may experience feelings of inferiority. They may even start to believe that it is impossible to live up to what an adult wants and they will not perform well at all (McDevitt, 2013, 419). I was fortunate throughout my elementary years to be a particularly bright student. School came fairly easily and I picked up on concepts very quickly. I made straight As almost all the way through. Doing well and pleasing teachers and my parents, did provoke in me a desire to work hard and continue to achieve good grades. I tried very hard to make sure that I did things exactly how the teacher wanted them. My parents rarely had to ask my about homework because I wanted to get it done so I did not get in trouble. I certainly developed a sense of industry. I remember one particular time in first grade; I was struggling a great deal with borrowing in subtraction. I worked and worked on my math page but I kept getting the answers wrong. My teacher sent me back to my desk several times and I was getting very discouraged. I quickly felt like I was never going to understand. In my frustration, I lost my head for a moment,

picked up my pencil and scribbled over the whole page. By the time I was done, the page was almost completely covered. My teacher did not find it amusing and she told me I would have to do it that night at home. I was starting to have feelings of inferiority. When my dad saw the page he told me that was not good behavior and asked me why I would do that. I told him I would not be able to complete the work so I got mad and scribbled it out. He calmly explained to me that being good in school would not always be easy but as long as I tried my very best I was being a good student. He asked me if scribbling all over my page was trying my best, to which I had no choice but to answer no. He then proceeded to help me on my work. After many, many days of borrowing practice, I got the concept and my confidence back. Though there were occasional times of inferiority, the elementary years were a time where I really developed a sense of industry by working hard and wanting to please those who had expectations of me. Identity vs. Role Confusion (Adolescence) For most people, the teenage or adolescence years of life can be filled with a great deal of confusion and awkwardness. On the other hand, this stage of life also provides many of us with some amazing memories and experiences. It can be very hard at times to be a teenager with peer pressure, negative influences, and many new decisions to make in life. These pivotal years are when we start to decide the direction we would like our lives to head. We start to decide who it is we are and want to become. Erikson described that this stage can bring forth identity or role confusion. On one hand, teenagers may use this time to start seeing who they are and fit in very well. On the other hand,

some teenagers may get a great deal of confusion from this time because they do not know where they fit in this world among others and they have many decisions that lie ahead. There are so many changes going on in all teenagers lives and it can be very overwhelming at times to find your identity (McLeod 2008). During the beginning years of my adolescence, my parents made a decision to move my younger sister and me into public school. We had attended a private, Christian school at our church since Kindergarten. Due to some circumstances, my family felt it was time to leave the church and to pull us out of school. I was entering eighth grade at the time and was 13 years old. I already felt awkward because both my body and personality were changing, let alone to now be entering an entirely new school system. I hated that year in school. I felt weird and out of place and did not really even feel confident enough to reach out and make friends. I was totally confused as to who and what I was supposed to be at that point. Once I entered into high school, I had made some good friends and I had really found my place. I was very active in my new youth group which helped tremendously in me finding where I belonged and what I wanted to be. I started to develop characteristics that I felt were important to being a good person. I made many decisions about activities I would or would not participate in that some of my peers were. I developed a relationship with God and got plugged into my church. These aspects greatly helped me to stop the confusion and find my identity. By the time I was starting to look for colleges, I was very confident in who I was. I knew what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, and who I ultimately wanted to be. This made my search for a college, among other decisions, very easy. I felt very comfortable with whom I was and I liked that person.

The start of this stage was very hard for me, but as I grew and matured, I found my identity and became very confident in the person I was becoming. Intimacy vs. Isolation (Young Adulthood) When entering into young adulthood, many people start to have desires for certain things in their lives. Some may start to desire a job to help them start a career. Others may want to start a life more independent from their families and get a place of their own. For many, a desire that takes place in young adulthood is the adult to have an intimate relationship with a significant other. During the stage of intimacy vs. isolation, Erikson claims that a person should have a desire to become more intimate with someone outside the family. When one finds someone with whom he or she can be intimate with, that relationship will often foster a great deal of commitment and care. Failure to develop such a relationship, however, can often lead a person to feel a great deal of isolation or loneliness. In some cases, not having intimacy with another can lead to a lack of trust and even depression. This stage certainly places the value of human relationships and companionship into perspective (McLeod 2008). During my freshman year of college, I started to become more interested in finding a boyfriend than I ever had before. I was never the type of girl to be boy crazy or need a boys attention. My thinking was simply that I was getting older and needed to start looking for someone to share my life with. That first year, I met several guys and never clicked with any of them. It was very discouraging at times, but I finally just let it go and stopped worrying about it. I figured I would meet someone when the timing was right.

My sophomore year of college, I met a guy who was perfect for me. He was very kind and hardworking guy. We had the same beliefs and it was very easy for us to talk to one another. I opened up to him and we got close very quickly. We stayed together for almost three years. Near the end of our time together, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. About a week after finding out this devastating news, the guy told me that he thought we should go our separate ways. He said I would have a lot going on and not enough time to focus on our relationship. After going through that painful time where I needed him the most, only to be abandoned, I really shut down and stopped trusting people in general but especially guys. I would not allow myself to get close to anyone for fear that I would get hurt like that again. There were times when I felt very lonely but I would deal with it just to ensure not being hurt as I was before. Almost a year later, I reconnected with an old friend of mine from high school. We had been close and just had lost touch with one another. We started hanging out as friends but it was not long before something else started to form. We quickly connected and his character has really helped me to open up and trust again. We are still together and I have really learned that it is worth it to lay aside your fear and try to form an intimate relationship with someone even after heartache. I may not have ever chosen the circumstances the way they happened, but I could not be more thankful for the way I have grown because of them. This stage of my life brought a great deal of heartache, confusion and fear of commitment, but, after some healing, it has proven to be a great portion of growth.

Generativity vs. Stagnation (Middle Adulthood) The average middle-aged adult is in a stage of life that can be very demanding. Most people in this stage are married, raising children, and developing a career all together. With so much going on in life, many people struggle to make everything fit. This stage of life can be one of monotony due to the everyday routines that exist in ones life. Erikson believed that during this stage of middle adulthood, people can develop a sense of generativity or a sense of stagnation. Generativity involves having a sense of personal success due to the fact that a person is an established adult who can be productive in the world. Conversely, stagnation brings forth the feeling that one has done nothing to contribute. Stagnation can come about in a person by them not achieving certain expectations of adulthood such as getting married, having children, buying a house, developing a career, etc (McLeod, 2008). As I reflect back on the period of my life known as middle adulthood, I feel that I felt very productive overall in the goings on of my life. During this stage of life, I was able to get married and start a family. I felt a great sense of fulfillment in being able to establish a home and gain the responsibility of being a wife and mother, though it is not always easy. A great goal of mine was to be involved with my children and to raise them to be caring, respectful individuals. Sometimes being a wife and mother could get very mundane, but when I reminded myself of the bigger picture I was able to keep pressing forward. Also, I was able to gain a great sense of productivity through my career. Starting a daycare facility from scratch took a great deal of effort and hard work, but seeing the finished product has made me very thankful. I feel that the work I put forth has been able to help others

through providing a safe environment for young children and it has given me a great sense of satisfaction. Lastly, being involved in my church has been a source of fulfillment in my life. I have been able to get involved and serve with many great people doing some wonderful things for the Lord. It has helped me grow spiritually and develop a relationship with God that has carried through some difficult points in life. I have learned that there can be great peace and personal rest that comes from serving. Throughout my middle adulthood years, I was very busy doing many things, but all the hard work brought me a great sense of personal fulfillment that is priceless. Ego Integrity vs. Despair (Old Age) During ones years as a senior citizen, it can be a very emotional time. Awareness comes into the mind that says life is coming to the end of the road. This can bring forth a great deal of emotions. One may look back on the life he or she has lived. Reminiscent thoughts flood the mind of all the memories, good and bad, that have composed life. According to Erikson, these last years of life can bring forth feelings of ego integrity or despair. Ego integrity is the sense of satisfaction senior citizens feel when they look back at the lives they lived and are pleased with the outcome. They may see that they accomplished all their goals in life and have few regrets. Despair, however, comes about when a person looks back at his or her life and sees that they have things they greatly regret or perhaps never accomplished. Though I had mixed emotions about being a senior citizen, I was happy, overall, that I had lived my life and was reaching the end. It was not because I was not happy with the life I

was living, but I had peace about the life I had lived all together. I was able to look back and feel a sense of pride in my accomplishments and pursuits. Like everyone, I too had regrets or some aspects I would have liked to change. I could not deny, however, that my goals had been accomplished. My goals were to be a person of character, to teach my children to have character, and to serve the Lord until my last breath. Thankfully, I was able to achieve these goals in my life. This made my senior citizen years one of thankful reflection as I praised the Lord for enabling me and blessing me with such a life. As the end of life became in sight, I was able to view it with peace because I had achieved what was most important to me and had lived a life of which I was very pleased. In conclusion, I have found Mr. Eriksons theory of the eight stages of life to be very interesting. I can see many points of his theory that I can easily agree with, after looking at my own life. I was able to see how aspects of a previous stage affected my life in another stage. What I enjoy the most about his theory, however, is the fact that a person can still make positive changes in his or her life no matter what the results of a previous stage. I feel that his theory gives hope to a persons development despite circumstances. Studying this theory has been very enlightening and helpful to looking at my own personal development throughout my past, the present, and hopefully the years left to come.

References McDevitt, T.M., & Ormrod, J.E. (2013). Child Growth and Development. Upper Saddle River: Pearson Education, Inc. McLeod, S. (n.d.). Erik Erikson | Psychosocial Stages. Simply Psychology - Articles for Students. Retrieved February 6, 2013, from http://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html