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THE OLYMPIC PLATFORM PARADOX

Written by Terry Starker

Based on, The Big Bang Theory Written by Chuck Lorre & Bill Prady

217 Huskey Place Gatlinburg, TN. 37738 Home: (865) 436-6046 Cell: (865) 771-0477

COLD OPENING FADE IN: INT. LEONARDS AND SHELDONS APARTMENT - DAY (Sheldon, Penny, Leonard) WE OPEN ON SHELDON SITTING ON HIS COUCH WATCHING OLD RERUNS OF THE OLYMPICS. HES WEARING ONE OF HIS SUPER HERO SHIRTS BENDING AROUND INTO DIFFERENT POSITIONS. SHELDON I would think the probability of rolling a polystyrene ball down a greased up wood floor, would have a more conclusive ending. WE HEAR THE SOUND OF BOWLING PINS GETTING KNOCKED AROUND. SHELDON (CONTD) He didnt even calculate the proper equation before throwing the ball. SHELDON STANDS AND TRIES SEVERAL BOWLING POSITIONS. PENNY KNOCKS ON THE DOOR AND ENTERS BEFORE SHELDON CAN MOVE OUT OF THE ODD POSITION HE IS IN. PENNY Wow, looks like you are in a lot of pain. I dont know if I should feel sorry for you or laugh. SHELDON STANDS UP STRAIGHT AND LETS OUT A SMALL YELP CAUSED BY THE MUSCLE STRAIN FROM THE POSITION HE WAS IN. SHELDON Why would you think at all? SHELDON TRIES TO HIDE THE PAIN.

2. PENNY You need to be careful or you might strain something. Like your groin or even worse. SHELDON What on Earth could be worse than straining MY groin muscle? PENNY (SARCASTIC) Oh, I dont know. GIVING BIRTH! SHELDON A prospect I dont think will happen to me anytime soon. PENNY MOVES CLOSER TO SHELDON. PENNY Here, let me help you. SHELDON STEPS BACK A STEP. SHELDON Theres no need. Im not equipped for that function. PENNY I mean, allow me to help you with what you are doing. SHELDON It is doubtful you are able to help me. (MORE)

3. SHELDON (CONT'D) I am attempting to amplify the mathematical equation behind a technical sport. PENNY LOOKS AT THE TELEVISION. PENNY You mean you are learning how to bowl? SHELDON Uh, Yes. PENNY Sheldon, youre watching the Olympics. SHELDON Who said I was watching the Olympics? (SKEPTICAL) Did Leonard tell you? PENNY It was a lucky guess from what I see on the television. SHELDON Simplistic and unrealistic blurbs of nonsense. LEONARD WALKS THROUGH THE DOOR. HE FILTERS THROUGH SEVERAL ENVELOPES IN HIS HANDS ALONG THE WAY.

4. PENNY Sheldon, dont you know that bowling wasnt even in the Olympics? LEONARD Have we skipped paying the bills this month? SHELDON No, I added a few for prosperity. LEONARD Oh, I see youre done watching the Olympics. PENNY WALKS PAST SHELDON TOWARDS THE KITCHEN. LEONARD (CONTD) So, whats this about bowling not being an Olympic sport? I think it should be one. SHELDON (TO PENNY) Ha! LEONARD Touche. SHELDON (QUIETLY TO LEONARD) It was the only come back I could think of while under pressure.

5. PENNY Bowling has never risen in popularity to attract world wide attention. LEONARD Wow, an epiphany. You are smart. SHELDON An epiphany doesnt make one smart. Only lucky they had a good answer. LEONARD I dont know, that was a pretty good answer if you ask me. PENNY Thank you, Leonard. SHELDON There is a lot to say about the exercise one can endure through a technical game of bowling. PENNY You really believe you are exercising playing a silly game, dont you? SHELDON SHIFTS HIS EYES FROM PENNY TO LEONARD AND BACK TO PENNY. SHELDON Yes... no, oh, all right. So, bowling on the Wii isnt exactly exercise.

6. PENNY Sheldon, you dont think women can bowl? SHELDON Well, since you put it that way. AND WE: FADE OUT. MAIN TITLES

7. ACT I Scene A FADE IN: INT. PHYSICS DEPARTMENT CAFETERIA - THE NEXT DAY (Leonard, Sheldon, Wolowitz, Koothrappali) SHELDON WALKS OVER AND SITS AT A CAFETERIA TABLE WITH LEONARD, WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPPALI. SHELDON Thats why we need to get a team together to show Penny bowling on the Wii is a real mans sport. Let me tell you, some people just cant calculate the proper strategies involved in bowling. KOOTHRAPPALI There are strategies to bowling? LEONARD Are you talking to yourself again Sheldon? Penny only wants to prove to you that girls can bowl. WOLOWITZ I think Sheldon might have something here. By playing a game on the Wii, I wont have to leave my apartment and I can start exercising while having fun at the same time.

8. LEONARD Its not just the idea of exercising. SHELDON Yes, your roundness will be just fine for the game. WOLOWITZ LOOKS AT SHELDON. KOOTHRAPPALI You know, bowling is like playing a popular game back in India called Kabaddi. There is nothing like the sweatiness of men, as you try to pull and push one another across the line. SHELDON I dont believe we will have to worry about sweaty men getting in our way. KOOTHRAPPALI Oh, too bad. WOLOWITZ I thought you werent... KOOTHRAPPALI Im not. Even if my mother and father believes it to be so. (MORE)

9. KOOTHRAPPALI (CONT'D) I am still trying to make my parents understand that my lifestyle still allows me to like the opposite sex. WOLOWITZ Well, thats a good way to think about it. KOOTHRAPPALI They dont seem to know the difference. LEONARD I think we should allow Penny and Bernadette to play. SHELDON LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY. LEONARD (CONTD) What did I say? SHELDON I thought you said that Penny and Bernadette could play on OUR team. LEONARD Is there an OUR team here? Its just a friendly game on the Wii. WOLOWITZ GETS UP AND BEGINS TO LEAVE. SHELDON Leaving so soon? The party has just begun.

10. WOLOWITZ I have to finish contemplating the theoretic physics behind the legitimacy of the coco bean. WOLOWITZ EXITS THE CAFETERIA. SHELDON So, while he heads off into the sunset playing with his coco beans. LEONARD Coco beans often have some good qualities when applied correctly. KOOTHRAPPALI I must try one of these coco beans. KOOTHRAPPALI STANDS QUICKLY AND EXITS THE CAFETERIA. SHELDON I just want to wash that imagery out of my mind.

11. Scene B INT. WOLOWITZ AND BERNADETTE'S APARTMENT - LATER THAT NIGHT (Wolowitz, Bernadette) WOLOWITZ AND BERNADETTE ARE SITTING AT THE DINNER TABLE. THEIR PLATES ARE FULL OF FOOD. BERNADETTE It doesnt sound like a lot of fun beating you guys so easily. WOLOWITZ Beating you guys? BERNADETTE Yah. WOLOWITZ In either case, having an extra curricular activity with your friends is always a good idea. BERNADETTE Sheldon came up with this idea, didnt he? WOLOWITZ Well, I see your point. BERNADETTE LEAVES WOLOWITZ AT THE TABLE WHILE SHE PUTS AWAY SOME OF THE DISHES. BERNADETTE Besides, its a proven fact that older people go bowling because theyve lost their drive for a good sexual relationship.

12. WOLOWITZ I thought throwing balls around would spice up a relationship. BERNADETTE Only on the receiving end of the game.

13. Scene C INT. LEONARDS AND SHELDON'S APARTMENT - SAME (Leonard, Sheldon, Penny) SHELDON IS ALONE WHILE PRACTICING SEVERAL BOWLING POSES. SHELDON Now, if I can just spin around and slip my leg SHELDON SCREAMS IN PAIN FROM PULLING HIS GROIN MUSCLE. PENNY ENTERS THE APARTMENT AS SHELDON SCREAMS. PENNY Are you okay? SHELDON (HIGH PITCH VOICE) Yes. (NORMAL VOICE) Why? PENNY I heard you scream and you were in that horrible position. SHELDON (SLY) You were looking? PENNY Sheldon, I came here to apologize. I think your idea of a Wii bowling team is great.

14. SHELDON Does it hurt for you to apologize to me? PENNY Always. SHELDON Well, it doesnt matter. Your kind cant be on my team anyway. PENNY You mean women? SHELDON Take it as it is. PENNY CROSSES HER ARMS, TURNS AND STOMPS AWAY AS LEONARD ENTERS THE APARTMENT. LEONARD Woo who, is there some hot action going on in here that I should know about? SHELDON The only thing hot in here is the burning sensation in Pennys head.

15. Scene D INT. KOOTHRAPPALIS CONDO - ICHAT - SAME (KOOTHRAPPALI, DR. KOOTHRAPPALI, MRS. KOOTHRAPPALI) KOOTHRAPPALI TALKS TO HIS PARENTS FROM INDIA ON HIS COMPUTER THROUGH ICHAT. VIEW OF COMPUTER SCREEN. MRS. KOOTHRAPPALI I think this is a wonderful idea for you to experience a real mans sport. DR. KOOTHRAPPALI (TO MRS. KOOTHRAPPALI) Bowling isnt a real mans sport. Its rubbing an oversized ball in your hands before throwing it down a wooden floor. Bowling is more of a ladies mans sport. KOOTHRAPPALI STARES AT THE COMPUTER SCREEN. KOOTHRAPPALI We have had this conversation before. VIEW OF COMPUTER SCREEN. DR. KOOTHRAPPALI Yes, and you still havent changed. KOOTHRAPPALI THROWS HIS HANDS INTO THE AIR. KOOTHRAPPALI Changing is not the point here, its having the ability to run ones own life the way they want it.

16. VIEW OF COMPUTER SCREEN. DR. KOOTHRAPPALI Do you want to be like this your whole life? MRS. KOOTHRAPPALI (TO DR. KOOTHRAPPALI) Let our son be the person he wants to be. (TO KOOTHRAPPALI) Go on and play your girly mans game. KOOTHRAPPALI Its not a girly mans game.

17. Scene E INT. WOLOWITZS AND BERNADETTE'S APARTMENT - SAME (Wolowitz and Bernadette) WOLOWITZ AND BERNADETTE MOVE BACK AND FORTH FROM THE KITCHEN TO THE DINING ROOM WITH DIRTY DISHES. WOLOWITZ (LAUGHING) You, on a bowling team? (STOPS LAUGHING) I dont think that would be possible. BERNADETTE Why not? I can bowl. WOLOWITZ There are a lot of computations involved. You cant just throw a ball down the bowling lane and expect to get a strike. BERNADETTE Are you saying Im not smart enough to make any critical decisions? WOLOWITZ Well... maybe.

18. Scene H INT. LEONARD'S AND SHELDONS APARTMENT - SAME (Sheldon, Penny, Leonard) SHELDON SLOWLY MAKES HIS WAY ACROSS THE APARTMENT TO HIS COMPUTER DESK. LEONARD We should give Penny a chance to bowl with us. PENNY I agree. SHELDON It is well known that men are much better at bowling then women. PENNY In whos book? SHELDON How many bowling teams do you see with women on them? LEONARD AND PENNY BOTH LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER AND THEN AT SHELDON.

A lot.

PENNY

A lot. SHELDON (CONTD)

LEONARD

Point made. (BEAT) Wait.

19. PENNY Youre just afraid because you know I will beat you. SHELDON ACTS SURPRISED. SHELDON (TO LEONARD) Oh, sarcasm? LEONARD Yes. SHELDON MOVES SLOWLY ACROSS THE APARTMENT. LEONARD (CONTD) Maybe you should have that thing looked at. SHELDON (AGHAST) Nobody looks at my thing. (BEAT) Its off limits. PENNY BECOMES A LITTLE DISGRUNTLED AT THE CHANGE OF CONVERSATION. PENNY Okay, I will play with you on your team if you want me to. SHELDON I never asked you to. PENNY Then what are we talking about?

20. SHELDON I dont think your kind can bowl. After all, my intelligence Quota is such a higher discernible distance above yours. PENNY This has nothing to do with intelligence. LEONARD Shes right. SHELDON I was thinking the same thing about Pennys intelligence. LEONARD WALKS OVER TO PENNY AND WRAPS HIS ARM AROUND HER. LEONARD Well, there was something in there when we got together or I wouldnt have continued my intellectual practice at the university. PENNY Thank you, Leonard. SHELDON See what I mean? There is no intellectual reason why you two should have been together in the first place.

21. Scene J INT. LEONARDS AND SHELDONS APARTMENT - NEXT DAY (Leonard, Sheldon, Penny, Wolowitz, Koothrappali and Bernadette) A WII SYSTEM IS SET UP NEAR THE TELEVISION. EVERYONE EXCEPT SHELDON, IS STANDING AROUND WAITING TO BOWL. SHELDON WALKS INTO THE LIVING ROOM FROM THE KITCHEN AND PLACES A BOWL OF PRETZELS NEXT TO A TWELVE PACK OF ICED TEA ON THE COFFEE TABLE. SHELDON Okay, I have the pretzels and sports drinks ready. PENNY PICKS UP A BOTTLE OF ICE TEA. PENNY Ice tea for a sports drink? SHELDON Its a known fact that every sport has their own drinks. WOLOWITZ STANDS AND GYRATES HIS HIPS. WOLOWITZ Never mind the drinks, lets get some groovy action going on. BERNADETTE Thats some groovy action I havent seen in some time. SHELDON PICKS UP A WII REMOTE. SHELDON Okay, let the bad imagery begin. (BEAT) I will start the game.

22. SHELDON MOVES TOWARDS THE TELEVISION. BEFORE HE CAN MAKE ANY BOWLING MOVES, HE DOUBLES UP IN PAIN HOLDING HIS GROIN. LEONARD You should see a doctor and get that thing checked out. SHELDON Im okay, I just stepped on a thumbtack. LEONARD With your groin? AND WE: FADE OUT. END OF ACT I

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