s t or i es

SNEAKING UP ON GRANDMA
It was a hot August day and we were bored out of our minds. My brother and my cousin were five years old and I was nine. "Let's sneak up on grandma," I suggested. My younger family members were game, as usual. Whatever I suggested, no matter how crazy, they just went along with it. That's the power of being the oldest. The younger kids mistakenly assume that you know what you're doing and that you'll bail them out if the shit hits the fan. You don't and you won't, but you figure they don't really need to know. Sneaking up on grandma was a game we played a lot because it was so damn easy. My grandparents lived on the upper floor of our two-family home in Brooklyn, and during the summer everyone left their doors open. That made it easy for us to sneak up and down the outside steps and into their house. Plus we got to feel like spies. Or burglars. Either of those was better than being snotty little kids. My grandma was constantly on the move, and was easily startled. That's what made her our prime target. My grandpa, on the other hand, enjoyed sitting in his chair with a pipe and the paper, and he was totally unflappable. Any time we tried to scare him he would just laugh. Nothing is a worse blow to a young spy's ego than laughter. But my grandma, she was the perfect victim. She would take tiny steps all around the house, dusting the furniture, fussing over bits of food on the carpet, and rearranging the knickknacks on the shelves. You could hear her wherever she went. In the summer she spent hours every day watering her plants on the front porch. She was less than five feet tall and very fragilelooking. I wouldn't have been surprised to see her take off like a bird when we jumped up behind her back and yelled at the top of our lungs.

s t or i es

I led Jonathan and Josh through the back door and into the guest room of my grandparent's house. We crawled in on all fours, ducked around the door and crept down the small hallway. This was the hardest part since there was nowhere to hide, but luckily we made it through. We then crawled past my grandpa's feet under the kitchen table and tiptoed out of the open front door. And there she was. Her back was to us, and she was humming, ripping dead leaves from her plants. We snuck up behind her and stood perfectly still waiting for her to turn around. Once she did we all yelled, GRANDMA! and she jumped back, dropping her watering can. She then had to sit for a moment to collect herself. Poor woman probably had a mini-heart attack every time we did it. Anyway, we laughed until our bellies hurt while she told us off for being so sneaky. Then she gave us some cookies that we ate on the stoop. Fifteen minutes later we'd do it all over again. Eventually my parents wised up and sent me to summer camp. I guess I really should have known better. A nine-year-old should know that scaring an old lady is not the best way to pass a summer day. But I didn't. Or if I did I didn't care. It wasn't until much later that I realized how dumb we were being and how much our grandparents must have loved us if they never told on us. By then Grandma wasn't around anymore. I wish I could see her one more time and instead of scaring her just quietly hug her and say, I'm sorry, Grandma. And thanks.
be bored out of one's mind s t r a n s e n u d i t| sneak up on sb t a j n s e k n k o mup i p l i t| she was game p i l oj t oj a k ov b o r n n p a d( l a d ot o h ot a k y )|go along with st s v z t s e e d p o k l d a t|bail sb out v y t h n o u t z b r y n d y|the shit s ( n mn p a d e m)|assume p p i n i a l u p i i |either of hit the fan n a s t a l p r s e r , z a a l ob t z l e|spies and burglars d e : u s mr k a n them k t e r k o l i z n i c hd v o u|snotty z be on the move b t n e u s t l e v p o h y b u| startle v y s t r a i t , v y l e k a t| * prime target h l a v n | he's totally unflappable s n mn i c n e h n e| a huge blow to his ego o b r o v s k r n a p r o c l st st o z i l o v a t s e ( l e h c e ) k v l i |dust o p r a o v a t , u t r a t p r a c hz| j e h oe g o|fuss over r rearrange p e s k l d a t |knick-knacks c e t k y , c e r e p e t i k y| fragile k e h k | take off z d e : e v e c hs i l z a v a t v z n s t s e|scream at the top of one's lungs z * duck s e h n o u t s e , p i k r i t s e|* creep p l i t s e|crawl p l a z i t s e| tiptoe j t p o p i k c h| hum b r o u k a t s i | rip t r h a t , k u b a t| watering can k o n v i k a n a z a l v n | collect oneself sb y n a d a t|sneaky n e n p a d n , k r a d m|* stoop s c h d k y o t e p a t s e z n e h o|tell off v wise up p r o z t , p r o k o u k n o u t s i t u a c i | you should have known better j a k p e dd o me m| sb l o u p |tell on p r s k n o u t t on a n k o h o j s i mo h l u d l a t t a k o v o ub l b o s t ?|dumb h

pbhy

SNEAKING UP ON GRANDMA Byl hork srpnov den a my se pern nudili. Brchovi a bratranci bylo tenkrt pt a mn devt. "Pojme vyplait babiku," navrhnul jsem. Mlad rodinn pslunci okamit souhlasili, jako ostatn vdy. A jsem navrhul cokoli a a to bylo jakkoli len, oni nikdy neprotestovali. V tom tkv sla starho dtte. Mlad dti myln pedpokldaj, e vte co dlte, a e pokud pijde njak prser, tak je z nj vythnete. Vy ve skutenosti vbec netute co dlte a z dnho prseru je nikdy nevythnete, ale kte si, e to oni nemus vdt. Straen babiky byla hra, kterou jsme hrvali asto, protoe byla hrozn snadn. Moji prarodie bydleli ve vrchnm pate naeho dvougeneranho domku v Brooklynu a bhem lta tam nechvali vichni oteven dvee. Tm pdem pro ns bylo snadn tie vyjt a pak zase sejt po venkovnm schoditi a dostat se k nim dom. Navc jsme si pitom pipadali jako pini. Nebo lupii. To i

ono bylo lep ne bt usoplen mal dcka. Babika se ani na chvilku nezastavila a bylo snadn ji vyplait. Proto se z n taky stal n hlavn cl. Ddu pro zmnu bavilo sedt v kesle s dmkou a novinami, s tm nehnulo vbec nic. Pokad, kdy jsme se pokusili ho vylekat, jenom se nm sml. Pro ego mladho pina neexistuje vt ponen ne smch. Zato babika, to byla dokonal ob. Vn cupitala po dom, opraovala nbytek, kroutila hlavou nad drobky jdla na koberci a peskldvala rzn cerepetiky na policch. lo ji sledovat podle zvuk, kter vydvala. V lt kad den nkolik hodin zalvala rostlinky na pedn verand. Mila ani ne pldruhho metru a psobila nesmrn kehce. Kdyby vzltla jako njak ptek vdycky kdy jsme j vyskoili za zdy a ze vech sil zavali, ani by m to nepekvapilo. Jonathana a Joshe jsem provedl zadnmi dvemi a vedl je do hostovskho pokoje v dom mch prarodi. Vkradli jsme se dovnit po

pbhy

vech tyech, opatrn se prosmkli kolem dve a plili se chodbikou. Tam to bylo nejrizikovj, protoe se nebylo kde schovat, ale natst jsme to zvldli. Pak jsme se v kuchyni proplazili ddovi kolem nohou a po pikch tichouce vyli otevenm hlavnm vchodem. Tam u byla babi. Stla zdy k nm, pobrukovala si njakou melodii a otrhvala ze svch rostlinek uschl list. Zezadu jsme se k n piplili, naprosto bez hnut stli pmo za n a ekali, a se oto. Kdy se pak otoila, vichni jsme zavali "BABI!" a ona uskoila, piem j konvice spadla na zem. Pak si musela na chvilku sednout, aby se z toho vzpamatovala. Chuderka mal z toho musela pokad mt mini-infarkt. A my se chechtali a ns bolelo bicho,

zatmco ns babi krala co jsme to za nezbedn kluky. Pak nm dala pr suenek a ty jsme pmo na verand sndli. Za tvrt hodiny jsme j tot provedli znovu. Rodie se nakonec domkli co se dje a poslali m na letn tbor. Asi to ode m bylo hloup a neml jsem to dlvat. Devtilet kluk u by ml mt dost rozumu na to, aby vdl, e existuj lep zpsoby jak trvit lto ne strait vlastn babiku. J to ale nevdl. Nebo pokud jo, tak mi to bylo jedno. A mnohem pozdji jsem si uvdomil jak trdla jsme byli a jak moc ns prarodie museli mt rdi, e to na ns nikdy neprskli. Tou dobou u ale babika neila. Hrozn rd bych ji jet jednou naposled vidl namsto straen bych ji objal a ekl j, Promi babi... a dk.

fill-in

SNEAKING UP ON GRANDMA It was a hot August day and we were bored out of our ___ . My brother and my cousin were five years old and I was nine. "Let's sneak up ___ grandma," I suggested. My younger family members were game , as ___ . Whatever I suggested, no ___ how crazy, they just went along with it. That's the ___ of being the oldest. The younger kids ___ assume that you know what you're doing and that you'll ___ them out if the shit hits the ___ . You don't and you won't, but you figure they don't really need to know. Sneaking up on grandma was a game we played a lot because it was so damn easy. My grandparents lived on the ___ floor of our two-family home in Brooklyn, and during the summer everyone left their doors open. That ___ it easy for us to sneak up and down the outside steps and into their house. Plus we got to feel like spies. Or burglars. ___ of those was better than being snotty little kids. My grandma was ___ on the move , and was ___ startled . ___ what made her our prime target. My grandpa, on the other hand , enjoyed ___ in his chair with a pipe and the paper, and he was totally unflappable . Any time we tried to scare him he would just laugh. Nothing is a worse ___ to a young spy's ego than laughter . But my grandma, she was the perfect victim. She would ___ tiny steps all around the house, dusting the furniture, ___ over bits of food on the carpet, and rearranging the ___ on the shelves. You could hear her wherever she went. In the summer she spent hours every day watering her plants on the front porch. She was less than five feet tall and very ___ -looking. I wouldn't have been surprised to see her take ___ like a bird when we jumped up behind her back and ___ at the top of our lungs. I ___ Jonathan and Josh through the back door and into the guest room of my grandparent's house. We crawled in on all ___ , ducked around the door and crept ___ the small hallway. This was the hardest part since there was nowhere to hide, but ___ we made it through . We then crawled ___ my grandpa's feet under the kitchen table and tiptoed out of the open front door. And there she was. Her back was to us, and she was ___ , ripping dead leaves from her plants. We snuck up behind her and stood perfectly ___ waiting for her to turn around. Once she did we all yelled, "GRANDMA!" and she jumped back, ___ her watering can. She then had to sit for a moment to collect herself. ___ woman probably had a mini-heart attack every time we did it. Anyway, we laughed until our bellies hurt while she told us off ___ being so ___ . Then she gave us some cookies that we ate on the stoop. Fifteen minutes later we'd do it all ___ again. Eventually my parents wised up and sent me to summer camp. I guess I really ___ have known ___ . A nine-year-old should know that scaring an old lady is not the best way to ___ a summer day. But I didn't. Or if I did I didn't care . It ___ until much later ___ I realized how dumb we were being and how much our grandparents ___ have loved us if they never told on us. ___ then Grandma wasn't around ___ . I wish I could see her one more time and instead of scaring her just quietly hug her and say, I'm sorry, Grandma. And thanks.

fill-in

SNEAKING UP ON GRANDMA It was a hot August day and we were [b] ___ out of our minds . My brother and my cousin were five years old and I was nine. "Let's ___ up on grandma," I suggested. My younger family members were [g] ___ , as usual . [W] ___ I suggested, no matter how crazy, they just went ___ with it. That's the power of ___ the oldest. The younger kids mistakenly [a] ___ that you know what you're doing and that you'll bail them out if the ___ hits the fan . You don't and you won't, but you [f] ___ they don't really need to know. Sneaking up on grandma was a game we played a ___ because it was so damn easy. My grandparents lived on the upper floor of our two-family home in Brooklyn, and during the summer everyone ___ their doors open. That made it easy for us to sneak up and down the outside steps and into their house. Plus we [g] ___ to feel like spies. Or burglars. Either of those was better than being [s] ___ [y] little kids. My grandma was constantly on the ___ , and was easily [s] ___ [ed]. That's what made her our prime target. My grandpa, on the other ___ , enjoyed sitting in his chair with a pipe and the paper, and he was totally [un] ___ . Any time we tried to scare him he would just laugh. Nothing is a worse blow to a young spy's ego than ___ . But my grandma, she was the perfect victim. She would take tiny steps all around the house, [d] ___ the furniture, fussing over bits of food on the carpet, and [re] ___ the knickknacks on the shelves. You could hear her wherever she went. In the summer she spent hours every day ___ her plants on the front porch. She was less than five feet tall and very fragile -looking. I wouldn't have ___ surprised to see her take off like a bird when we jumped up behind her ___ and yelled ___ the top of our lungs. I led Jonathan and Josh through the back door and into the guest room of my grandparent's house. We ___ in on all fours , [d] ___ around the door and crept down the small hallway. This was the hardest ___ since there was nowhere to hide, but luckily we made it ___ . We then crawled past my grandpa's feet under the kitchen table and [t] ___ out of the open front door. And there she was. Her back was to us, and she was humming , [r] ___ dead leaves from her plants. We [s] ___ up behind her and stood perfectly still waiting for her to turn around. Once she [d] ___ we all yelled, GRANDMA! and she jumped back, dropping her watering can. She then had to sit for a moment to [c] ___ herself. Poor woman probably had a mini-heart attack every time we did it. Anyway, we laughed until our bellies hurt while she told us ___ for ___ so sneaky . Then she gave us some cookies that we ___ on the stoop. Fifteen minutes later we'd do it all over again. Eventually my parents [w] ___ up and sent me to summer camp. I guess I really should have ___ better . A nine-year-old should know that scaring ___ old lady is not the best way to pass a summer day. But I didn't. Or if I did I didn't ___ . It wasn't ___ much later that I realized how [d] ___ we were being and how much our grandparents must have loved us if they never ___ on us. By then Grandma wasn't [a] ___ anymore . I ___ I could see her one more time and instead of scaring her just quietly hug her and say, I'm sorry, Grandma. And thanks.