MARY SHEPHERDS TESTIMONY

DEAR FRIEND, I WROTE THIS LETTER TO SOMEONE I LOVE. I WROTE IT TO SHARE WHAT MY LORD AND SAVIOUR HAS DONE FOR ME. I PRAY YOU WILL SEE THE LOVE OF JESUS. JESUS IS REAL. HE LOVES US. BECAUSE OF JESUS, I CALL GOD MY FATHER, FATHER GOD. I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE MY TESTIMONY WITH YOU. WHEN I WAS A CHILD MY DAD TOOK MY METHODIST MOM TO HIS CATHOLIC CHURCH. I GUESS I WAS WAS AROUND 2 YEARS OLD OR YOUNGER. FROM THE BALCONY OF THE LARGE BEAUTIFUL CATHEDRAL. MOM LIFTED ME UP IN THE AIR AND GAVE ME TO GOD. THE FIRST REAL MEMORY I HAVE IS IN KINDERGARTEN,I WAS FOUR YEARS OLD. IT WAS NAP TIME. I WAS SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR ON TOP OF MY PINK EMBROIDERED BLANKET. SOMETHING SUPERNATURAL HAPPENED. NOT SURE WHAT, BUT I LOVED JESUS EVER SINCE. I WAS FOUR YEARS OLD. I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC EVEN THOUGH MY MOM WAS METHODIST. I DID ALL THE CATHOLICS THINGS CATHOLICS DO, FOR INSTANCE I WAS BAPTISED , MADE MY FIRST HOLY COMMUNION AND WAS CONFIRMED. WHEN YOU MAKE YOUR CONFORMATION, YOU MAKE A PROMISE TO REMAIN A VIRGIN UNTIL YOU ARE SEVENTEEN. I KEPT MY PROMISE TO GOD. BUT I HAD MADE ANOTHER PROMISE TO GOD,A PROMISE JUST BETWEEN HIM AND I.THE PROMISE WAS THAT I WOULD REMAIN A VIRGIN UNTIL I WAS MARRIED. I BROKE THAT PROMISE AFTER I HAD TURNED EIGHTEEN AND HAD GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL. IN MY HIGH SCHOOL DAYS I LOVED THE LORD WITH ALL MY HEART. I HAD PRAYED ALMOST EVERY DAY SINCE I WAS A YOUNG GIRL. UNFORTUNATELY I CHOSE WRONG FRIENDS. PARTY GIRLS. ITS A LONG STORY BUT BY THE TIME I HAD GRADUATED I WAS ADDICTED TO SPEED, SMOKED CIGARRETES ,DRANK AND SMOKED WACKY TOBACKY. I WAS A BACKSLIDDEN CHRISTIAN. THE CATHOLICS TEACH YOU THINGS SUCH AS, THINK OF YOUR SOUL AS BEING KIDNEY SHAPED, AND EVERYTIME YOU SIN IT GETS A SHADE DARKER.THEN YOU GO TO CONFESSION, DO YOUR PENTANCES AND YOUR SOUL BECOMES WHITE AGAIN. WELL BY THE TIME I WAS TWENTY-ONE MY SOUL WAS SO DARK WITH SIN THAT I DID NOT BELIEVE GOD WOULD EVER FORGIVE ME. I DIDNT BELIEVE GOD LOVED ME ANYMORE. I LOVED JESUS SO VERY MUCH. I LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART, EVEN IF I WAS A BIG,BIG SINNER. I WAS SO FILLED WITH GUILT. THE KIND OF GUILT THAT HURTS SO BAD. I COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT JESUS LOVING ME.I FELT THE WEIGHT OF MY SINS AND THEY WERE TOO HEAVY TO BEAR ANYMORE. I FELT I HAD LOST MY TRUE LOVE JESUS. I JUST DIDNT BELIEVE HE LOVED ME ANYMORE. THE PAIN WAS JUST TOO GREAT TO BEAR . WHAT IM ABOUT TO SHARE NEXT HAS ALWAYS BEEN HARD TO TELL PEOPLE. IN FACT THE ONLY WAY I CAN SHARE IT IS BECAUSE OF MY BELOVED PASTOR GORTNER. PASTOR GORTNER TOLD ME NEVER BE ASHAMED OF WHAT GOD HAS DONE FOR YOU.ILL NEVER BE A ASHAMED OF THE GOODNESS, THE GRACE, THE MERCY AND ABOVE ALL THE LOVE WHICH JESUS POURED OUT ON A SINNER LIKE ME. AS I WAS SAYING MY HEART AND MIND WERE SO PAINFUL THAT I DIDNT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE. SO I WENT TO THE STORE AND BOUGHT ANT POISON. AT THAT

TIME I HAD A BEAUTIFUL APARTMENT WHICH I SHARED WITH A GOOD FRIEND ADRIANNE.IN THE WORLDS EYES I HAD IT MADE I HAD LOTS OF FRIENDS, DOZENS OF GOOD LOOKING DATES,A GREAT JOB AND AN APARTMENT THAT LOOKED OVER THE CITY. TO THE WORLD IT LOOKED LIKE MARYS LIFE WAS FUN,FUN. IT WAS JUST A SEASON. BUT MY SINS AND THE THOUGHT OF JESUS NOT LOVING ME ANYMORE CAUGHT UP WITH ME. NOW ALL I FELT WAS GUILT. I DIDNT WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE. IT WAS ABOUT 12:00 NOON ON AUGUST 16,1974. I WENT INTO THE BATHROOM WITH A GLASS OF MILK IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF ANT POISON IN THE OTHER. I STOOD IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR AND WATCHED MYSELF DRINK IT.THE POISON CONTAINED A LETHAL DOSE OF POISON ENOUGH TO KILL TWO ADULTS.AFTER WATCHING MYSELF DRINK THAT STUFF I WENT TO MY BEDROOM,LAYED ON THE FLOOR,LAYED ON MY BACK WITH MY ARMS FOLDED OVER MY CHEST AND PRAYED.I WAS CRYING AND PRAYING WITH MY WHOLE HEART AND TORMENTED SOUL. MY PRAYER WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS; I AM SO SORRY , I AM SO SORRY,SO SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME,BUT PLEASE LET ME GO TO HEAVEN. I PRAYED LIKE THAT FOR AWHILE. CLOSED MY EYES AND WAITED TO DIE. WITH MY EYES CLOSED , MY ARMS CROSSED OVER MY CHEST I BEGAN TO FEEL SICK. I RAN TO THE BATHROOM AND BEGAN UNCONTROLLABLY THROWING UP. IT WAS EXCRUCIATING. THE NEXT THING I KNEW I HEARD MY NAME BEING CALLED, MARY,MARY. IT WAS MY ROOMMATES BOYFRIEND. HE WAS STANDING AT THE DOOR TO THE APARTMENT. I HAD LEFT THE DOOR OPEN AND THE SCREEN OPEN. HE HEARD ME BEING SICK AND YELLED WHATS WRONG, WHATS WRONG? I WAS SO SICK I YELLED BACK. I DRANK ANT POISON! HE CAME IN AND DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO,EITHER DID I. SO WE CALLED MY GRANDFATHER.GRANDPA KEN AND THEY BOTH THREW ME IN THE BACK OF GRANPA KENS TRUCK. THEY RUSHED ME TO ESCONDIDO HOSPITAL.I CAN ONLY TELL YOU THAT THE NEXT TEN DAYS WERE FILLED WITH GOOD AND EVIL, PAIN AND HEALING. BUT MOST OF ALL JESUS WAS WITH ME. HIS LOVE SURROUNDED ME AND PROTECTED ME. JESUS SAVED MY LIFE. GRANDPA KEN HAD TAKEN ME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM OF THE HOSPITAL. I WAS PUT ON A TABLE NEXT TO A KID WHO ACCIDENTLY DRANK POISON.A NURSE STOOD BETWEEN US AND STARTED YELLING AND SCREAMING AT ME TELLING ME SHE WANTED ME TO DIE. THEN SOMEONE GAVE ME A DRINK THAT CAUSED ME TO HAVE UNCONTROLLABLE DIARRHEA. THE NURSE WHO TOLD ME SHE WANTED ME DEAD SAID I COULDNT STAY AT THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE I DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY. MY GRANDPA KEN SAID THAT HE WOULD PAY FOR IT. SHE TOLD ME SHE DIDNT CARE. THE NEXT THING I KNOW IM IN AN AMBULANCE BEING DRIVEN 45 MINUTES TO ANOTHER HOSPITAL.THE WHOLE TIME ALL THIS WAS GOING ON MY MIND WAS IN A STATE OF APATHY AND INDIFFERENCE. IT WAS LIKE MY MIND WAS HALF ASLEEP AND HALF AWAKE. THE RIDE THERE WAS SO HUMILIATING. THE DRINK THEY HAD GIVEN ME WORKED THE WHOLE 45 MINUTES I WAS BEING DRIVEN. I GOT TO UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL. I WAS NAKED AND COVERED IN DIAHRREA. THEY PUT ME ON A GURNEY,COVERD ME WITH A THIN WHITE SHEET AND LEFT ME IN THE HALLWAY.FOR WHAT SEEMED LIKE HOURS A LOT OF PEOPLE WALKED PAST ME. THEY WALKED PAST ME AS I LIE TOTALLY NAKED,I SMELLED,I WAS FREEZING, COVERD BY SHAME AND A THIN WHITE SHEET. BY NOW IM IN AND OUT OF IT MENTALLY.AWAKE,ASLEEP, I REALLY DIDNT KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON.I CAME TO LONG ENOUGH TO SEE MY MOM AND A CHRISTIAN NURSE STARING AT ME. THEY HAD BEEN PRAYING FOR ME. TO THIS DAY ALL I CAN REMEMBER IS MOM ASKING ME , MARY DO YOU WANT TO LIVE? MARY DO YOU WANT TO LIVE? MARY DO YOU WANT TO LIVE? DO YOU WANT TO LIVE? HER VOICE WAS FILLED WITH ANGUISH, DESPERATION AND YET SHE WAS DEMANDING ME TO SAY YES.

ALL I COULD SAY WAS I GUESS SO. I CLOSED MY EYES AS THEY COVERD MY FACE WITH THAT THIN WHITE SHEET. THE NEXT THING THAT I REMEMBER IS JESUS HOLDING ME IN HIS ARMS LIKE A MOTHER HOLDS HER CHILD IN A ROCKING CHAIR.JESUS WAS HOLDING ME. ROCKING ME, I WAS CURLED UP IN HIS LAP, SO MUCH COMFORT, SO MUCH PEACE, PERFECT PEACE, I WAS COMFORTED, THE PEACE WAS PERFECT. I REALLY CANT DESCRIBE THE PRESENCE OF JESUS. HE JUST ROCKED ME TO SLEEP, I NEVER FELT SO LOVED, JESUS REALLY LOVED ME. HE ROCKED ME SO PEACFUL,SO PEACEFUL. THAT NIGHT JESUS HELD ME AND I WAS COMFORTED. WHEN THE MORNING CAME THE NEXT DAY, I FELT GREAT. BUT WHEN YOURE IN THE HOSPITALWITH A LETHAL DOSE OF ARSENIC,ENOUGH TO KILL TWO ADULTS NOBODY BELIEVES YOURE FINE. PLEASE BELIEVE ME I WAS FINE,I WAS HEALED BY JESUS.WELL A DOCTOR CAME IN AND ASKED IF I WANTED TO LIVE. I SAID YES. HE SAID WILL YOU DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. I SAID YES.I HAD NO IDEA WHAT HE MEANT.AS FAR AS I WAS CONCRENED I WAS READY TO GO HOME. NEXT THING THEY WERE RUSHING ME ON A GURNEY TO THE OPERATING ROOM. WHAT THE HECK! I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON.THE LAST THING I THOUGHT I SAW WAS MY DADS FACE AS THE DOORS OF THE OPERATING ROOM CLOSED. I WOKE UP DURING THE OPERATION MUCH TO MY HORROR.THEY WERE OPERATING ON MY WRIST. I WAS HORRIFED. WHAT ARE THEY DOING? THEN SOMEONE WAS RUBBING MY CHEST AND I WOKE UP IN A HOSPITAL BED. I FEEL I MAY BE GOING INTO TOO MUCH DETAIL ABOUT EVERYTHING. BUT CANNOT STOP NOW.EVIDENTLY THE DOCTORS DIDNT KNOW HOW TO HELP ME, AS FAR AS THEY WERE CONCERNED I SHOULD BE DEAD. NO ONE HAS EVER LIVED THROUGH WHAT I DID.SO THEY DECIDED TO EXPERIMENT .THEY PUT A STENT IN MY WRIST AND PUT ME ON DIALYSIS. BY THE WAY THIS WAS 37 YEARS AGO.DIALYSIS WAS IN ITS EARLY STAGES.ONE TIME THEY DIDNT HEAT MY BLOOD AND A RESULT MY BODY VIBRATED ABOUT AN INCH ABOVE THE BED. WHAT A NIGHTMARE. AFTER 5 TREATMENTS, THE DIALYSIS WAS DISCONTINUED.IT WAS FELT THAT INSUFFICIENT AMOUNTS OF ARSENIC WERE BEING REMOVED WITH THE DIALYSIS. THE DOCTORS HAD SENT MY BLOOD TO A DR. TEITLEBAUM IN DENVER BECAUSE OF HIS EXPERIENCE IN THE FIELD OF ARSENIC POISONING. THE RESULTS CAME BACK TO BE ONE OF THE HIGHEST RECORDED BY THEIR LABORATORY. I WENT INTO UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL ON 8-16-74 AND WAS RELEASED 8-25-74, NINE DAYS LATER. THE FACT IS JESUS HAD SAVED MY LIFE. WELL I AM FINALLY HOME, BACK TO MY APARTMENT.AFTER ALL I PUT MYSELF THROUGH A TOTAL NIGHTMARE.I KNEW JESUS HAD SAVED ME BUT NOTHING CHANGED. I AM SORRY TO SAY I STILL LIVED THE SAME LIFESTYLE THAT DROVE ME TO SUICIDE. ONE DAY I WAS STANDING IN MY LIVING ROOM LOOKING OUT OVER THE CITY. OUR APARTMENT HAD A GLASS WINDOW FROM THE FLOOR TO THE CEILING. ALL OF A SUDDEN I COULD SEE JESUS OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE.JESUS WAS SAYING I LOVE YOU,I LOVE YOU. HE HAD HIS HANDS OUTSTRECHED TOWARDS ME. I LOVE YOU,I LOVE YOU, MY HEART, MY HEART. I KNEW RIGHT THEN THAT JESUS LOVED ME JUST THE WAY I WAS. JESUS DIDNT SAY LOOK WHAT I DID FOR YOU. HE DIDNT SAY YOU SHOULD BE PARALYZED, HAVE A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT, OR ANY SIDE EFFECTS OF ARSENIC.JESUS DIDNT MENTION MY SINFUL LIFESTYLE. ALL JESUS SAID WAS I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.I TURNED AND LIFTED MY ARMS TOWARD JESUS AND I SAID,I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU JESUS. I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. I WENT AND GOT THE BIBLE MY MOM HAD GIVEN ME AND TOLD JESUS FROM NOW ON, ITS JUST YOU AND ME. I AM GOING TO READ THIS BIBLE AND ITS JUST YOU AND ME. IN CLOSING, THE GREATEST JOURNEY BEGAN. THE FIRST THING I HAD TO DO IS

TAKE JESUS OFF THE CROSS. WHAT I MEAN BY THAT IS JESUS IS NOT DEAD. JESUS DIED FOR MY SINS ,AFTER THAT HE ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND NOW SITS AT THE RIGHT HAND OF GOD DEAR LOVED ONE, ID LIKE TO ASK YOU A QUESTION. DO YOU WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN? IF YOU WERE TO DIE TODAY, DO YOU KNOW WITH CERTAINTY THAT YOU WOULD GO TO HEAVEN? THE BIBLE SAYS, WE CAN KNOW FOR SURE THAT WE ARE GOING TO HEAVEN. BELIEVE IN YOUR HEART AND CONFESS WITH YOUR MOUTH THAT JESUS DIED ON THE CROSS FOR YOUR SINS. ASK GOD TO FORGIVE YOU OF ALL YOUR SINS. BELIEVE JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOUR. THE BIBLE SAYS THAT AFTER YOU PRAY THAT PRAYER YOURE NOW A CHILD OF GOD.GOD IS NOW YOUR FATHER. THERE IS A BOOK IN HEAVEN CALLED THE LAMBS BOOK OF LIFE.YOUR NAME IS NOW IN THAT BOOK.KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOW FOR SURE GOING TO HEAVEN. GOD LOVES YOU. HE SENT JESUS TO DIE FOR YOUR SINS. HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON. PLEASE REMEMBER YOU ARE TOTALLY FORGIVEN. THEREFORE, THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION. ALL YOUR SINS ARE FORGIVEN, EVERY SINGLE ONE. GOD DOES NOT REMEMBER THEM ANYMORE. GOD IS FATHER GOD. HE LOVES YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.GOD, FATHER GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE., A PLAN FOR A GOOD LIFE. SEEK HIM,SEEK HIM,SEEK HIM. FOR HE LOVES YOU. JUST ASK IN JESUS NAME !