Men are from Jerusalem Women are from Galilee

Episode 5: Marriage, Divorce and Widowhood, Part 1 Andrew Gabriel Roth

ADAM, EVE & THE EZER KENEGDO Yahweh Elohim said, 'It is not right that the man should be alone. I shall make him a helper ).' (

ADAM, EVE & THE EZER KENEGDO but no helper ) ( suitable for the man was found for him.

ADAM, EVE & THE EZER KENEGDO Then, Yahweh Elohim made the man fall into a deep sleep. And, while he was asleep, he took one of his ribs and closed the

ADAM, EVE & THE EZER KENEGDO flesh up again. Yahweh Elohim fashioned the rib he had taken from the man into a woman, and brought her to the man. And

ADAM, EVE & THE EZER KENEGDO the man said: This one at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh! She is to be called Woman, because she was taken

ADAM, EVE & THE EZER KENEGDO from Man. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and becomes attached to his wife, and they become one

ADAM, EVE & THE EZER KENEGDO flesh. (Genesis 2:18, 20-24) But what does it really mean?

Ezer Kenegdo means..

The helper who stands in front of you

Scripture theme Of the week: 1 corinthians 11:3,11

And I desire that you know that the head of every man is the Mashiyach, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of the Mashiyach is Elohim

Nevertheless, the man is not without the woman, nor the woman without the man, in our Master (Yshua).

Prayer Rules for Spouses

Establish regular routines for both collective and individual/private prayer sessions (Genesis 25:21-22).
Isaac prayed to YHWH on behalf of his wife, for she was barren. YHWH heard his prayer, and his wife Rebekah conceived. But the children inside her struggled so much that she said, 'If this is the way of it, why go on living?' So she went to consult Yahweh.

Prayer Rules for Spouses

In the morning, O YHWH, You will hear my voice. In the morning I will arrange my prayer to You and eagerly watch, for you are not an Elohim who takes pleasure in wickedness; no evil dwells within You. (Psalm 5:3-4-Matara) May my prayer be counted as incense before You; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening offering. (Psalm 141:2-Matara)

Prayer Rules for Spouses

Keep a positive focus on what can be learned and how each other can grow. Your focus and diligence will determine your success. Persevere in prayer and be watchful in it and in giving thanks. (Colossians 4:2)

Prayer Rules for Spouses

Therefore be sober and be wakeful for prayer. And above all things, have fervent love one towards another; for love covers a multitude of sins. And be compassionate to strangers, without arguing. And let each of you minister to his associates the gift which he has received from Elohim. (1 Peter 4:8-10-AENT)

Prayer Rules for Spouses

The practical effect of the man being the head of the woman and the Mashiyach being the head of the man is that men and women must pray together, even on matters they have a dispute with one another on. If the woman is right and the man is wrong, YHWH will inspire the man to change his mind in her favor.

Prayer Rules for Spouses

If the man is right and the woman is wrong, the woman will also be clearly told this is the case by the Ruach. But if repeated prayer produces no consensus, the woman should submit to the mans judgment, not necessarily because he is right, but because YHWH may be preparing a lesson he must learn for his own good.

Prayer Rules for Spouses

So also you wives, be subject to your husbands; that by your pleasing behavior you may gain over without difficulty those who are disobedient to the Word, when they see that you conduct yourselves with reverence and chastity. And you husbands, likewise, dwell with your wives according to knowledge and hold them in honor as the weaker vessels;

Prayer Rules for Spouses

because they also will inherit with you the gift of eternal life: and let not your prayers be hindered. The summing up is that you all be in harmony, that you be sympathetic with them who suffer and affectionate to one another, and be merciful and kind. (1 Peter 3:1-2, 7-8 AENT)

Prayer Rules for Spouses

Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is right in the Mashiyach. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter towards them. (Colossians 3:18-19-AENT)

ABRAM LISTENED TO SARAI Now Sarai, Abram's wife had borne him no children, and she had an Egyptian maid whose name was Hagar. So Sarai

ABRAM LISTENED TO SARAI said to Abram, "Now behold, YHWH has prevented me from bearing children. Please go in to my maid; perhaps I will

ABRAM LISTENED TO SARAI obtain children through her." And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. After Abram had lived 10 years in the land of Canaan,

ABRAM LISTENED TO SARAI Abram's wife Sarai took Hagar the Egyptian, her maid, and gave her to her husband Abram as his wife. (Gen 16:1-3 NAU)

The Point is

Abram never consulted YHWH on this matter but ONLY listened to Sarai. And YHWH had already made it clear that his proper heir would come out of your loins meaning through the one kosher channel that was available at that momenthis wife Sarai (Sarah). Hagars son then would not inherit, only Sarahs son Isaac would.

The Point is
Yahweh stands as witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have broken faith, even though she was your partner and your wife by covenant. Did he not create a single being, having flesh and the breath of life?...Have respect for your own life then, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce, says Yahweh, God of IsraelHave respect for your own life then, and do not break faith. (Malachi 2:14-16 NJB)

The Point is
It is important to note that YHWHs hatred of divorce is not an absolute ban on divorcethats a topic for later. But it is most certainly the case that polygamist lineages are NEVER more blessed in Scripture than the kosher ones, as we saw on Hard Teachings last time. So after Abram made this mistake, many others did the same sin by citing Abram as righteous in taking HagarNOT true!

The Point is
So lets be clear and defend what marriage is! Its not enough to exclusively define marriage as being between a man and a woman. We must go even further and boldly state that there are times when a remarriage is legal in the eyes of man but ILLEGAL in the eyes of YHWH! The Scripture could not be clearer as these few examples show

NO Shacking up!
Now the birth of Yshua, the Mashiyach, was like this: While Maryam his mother was )to Yosip, without them being betrothed ( united, she was found pregnant by the Ruach haKodesh. (Matthew 1:18-AENT)

NO Shacking up!
= )To be engaged, betrothed, Makira ( committed to marriage but before being taken to live as man and wife. This is also the Aramaic word for bridegroom, confirming that the actual wedding has not yet taken place. These we saw last week. But now theres a twist: I will show the rules through a rather familiar pop culture metaphor professional sports!

False Start! (No sex before marriagesee Dinah and Shechem, Genesis 34:1-31)

Too many players on the field! (Two spouses is like two godsits one too manyMalachi 2:14-16)

Ineligible Receivers (Regardless as to if single or married see Leviticus 18.)

Illegal Procedure! (No friends with benefits after marriage eitherif Solomon couldnt handle it, neither can you!)

And next week We will see what scripture says is

The paTh To

Holding! (on to each other)

The Point is
Marriage is a serious endeavor and Scriptures principles cover a great deal of ground even thoughin terms of volumes of inkit seems to get little attention in Scripture. There are also a number of blind alleys and misconceptions, even about what people think Yshua said in Matthew 19. These are not nearly as easy as the earlier examples with the referees.

The Point is
We will examine all these nuances and deal with specific tricky situations next week. Also next week will explore what Scripture has to console us when our spouse and soul mate enters glory and what YHWH expects us to do in their absence. And Yshua our Savior also offers a 3-tiered system for judging divorce questions. Thats next on Men are From Jerusalem, Women are from Galilee!

Next week

Episode 6: Marriage, Divorce and Widowhood Part 2

Men are from Jerusalem Women are from Galilee

Episode 6: Marriage, Divorce and Widowhood, Part 2 Andrew Gabriel Roth

ADAM, EVE & THE EZER KENEGDO Yahweh Elohim said, 'It is not right that the man should be alone. I shall make him a helper ).' (

ADAM, EVE & THE EZER KENEGDO but no helper ) ( suitable for the man was found for him.

Ezer Kenegdo means..

The helper who stands in front of you

Scripture theme Of the week: Ephesians 5:22-33

Wives, be submissive to your husbands as to our Master (Yshua). Because the husband is the head of the wife, even as the Mashiyach is the head of the assembly; and

he is the reviver of the body. And as the assembly is subject to the Mashiyach, so also let wives be to their husbands in all things. Husbands, love your wives, even as the

Mashiyach loved his assembly and delivered himself up for it; that he might sanctify it and cleanse it by the washing of water and by the Word; and might constitute it a

glorious assembly for himself in which is no stain and no wrinkle and nothing like them; but that it might be SetApart and without blemish. It is fitting for men to love

their wives as they do their own bodies, for he who loves his wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own body; but nourishes and provides for it , even as Mashiyach did

for the assembly. For we are members of his body and of his flesh and bones. For this reason a man should leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife; and two should be

one flesh. This is a great mystery; but I am speaking of the Mashiyach and his assembly. Nevertheless, let each of you greatly so love his wifeeven as himselfand let the wife

revere her husband. (Ephesians 5:2233-AENT) The best way then for spouses to remember their roles is to pray together as we saw last week.

When It Goes Wrong

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4 NAU). Laziness casts into a deep sleep, and an idle man will suffer hunger. He who keeps the commandment keeps his soul, but he who is careless of conduct will die. (Proverbs 19:15-16 NAU)

When It Goes Wrong

Better to live in the desert regions than with a battling and vexing woman. (Proverbs 21:9-Matara) A rebellious man seeks only evil, so a cruel messenger will be sent against himHe who returns evil for good, evil will not depart from his house. (Proverbs 17:11,13 NAU)

When it Goes Wrong

But, on account of sexual temptation, let each have his own wife and let a woman have her own husband. And let the man render to his wife the kindness which is due; and so also the woman to her husband. The woman is not the sovereign over her body, but her husband: so also the man is not the sovereign over his body, but the wife.

When It Goes Wrong

Therefore, deprive not one another, except when you both consent at the time you devote yourselves to fasting and prayer; and return again to the same disposition that Satan does not tempt you because of the passions of your body. (1 Corinthians 7:2-3-AENT)

When It Goes Wrong

For a very graphic example of how bad things can get, please read 2 Samuel 6 about David and Michal. The marriage starts off in love, but after losing both her father and brother, Michals heart begins to turn cold. When David then publicly dances before the Ark, Michal berates him.

When It Goes Wrong

1 Chronicles 15:29 says that Michal had bazah ( ) for David. This is not just hatred among equals, but Michal literally turning her nose up in disgust, as if David were lower than the dust. David then spitefully says that YHWH chose him over her father and brother, implying YHWH also caused them to die. Way to win her heart, David!

When It Goes Wrong

As a result, though they never divorce, David and Michal never consummate their marriage (2 Samuel 6:23) that lasts decades! So both David and Michal failed in their roles as husband and wife. She did not reverence him and he did not love her back. And with disobedience comes penalties, as we saw before.

False Start! (No sex before marriagesee Dinah and Shechem, Genesis 34:1-31)

Too many players on the field! (Two spouses is like two godsits one too manyMalachi 2:14-16)

Ineligible Receivers (Regardless as to if single or married see Leviticus 18.)

Illegal Procedure! (No friends with benefits after marriage eitherif Solomon couldnt handle it, neither can you!)

This brings us To yshuas

own divorce halacha (legal rulings)

Three Tiered Halacha

Yshua spoke of three levels of observance regarding divorce, what I call the Low, Middle and High Standards. But before seeing the contours of this nuanced teaching, we need to correct a common misconception in Matthew 19

Matthew 19:9

But I say to you that he who leaves his wife without a charge of adultery, and takes another, commits adultery. And he that takes a divorced woman commits adultery. Often people forget the command is not so much against divorce itself, but against divorce and remarriage. Both conditions must be true.

Matthew 19:10-12

His disciples said to him, If such is the difficulty between husband and wife, it is not worthwhile to take a wife. But he said to them, Not every man can apply this word to himself, but only he to whom it is givenlet him comprehend who is able to comprehend. (AENT)
Yshua understands the High Standard wont work for all, so is there a middle road?

The High Standard

Just so all is clear, the High Standard is that divorce and remarriage are only free and clear in cases of death or adultery. For the spouse who has been cheated on, the marriage may be dissolved without any taint on the victim, and he or she may remarry without the new spouse being in sin. For the spouse who did the cheating, Proverbs says this.

The High Standard

The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; he who would destroy himself does it. Wounds and disgrace he will find, and his reproach will not be blotted out. (Proverbs 6:32-33 NAU) Yshua of course forgave adulterers, but it is always conditional upon future good behavior, and its not forgotten.

The High Standard

In Tanakh (Leviticus 20:10), the adulterer is worthy of death. In later times YHWH explained that vengeance was His, and He would execute sinners rather than Israel doing so alone. Ezekiel 18:4 and Romans 6:23 make it clear that we all die FROM sin, but that doesnt mean we must die IN SIN!

The High Standard

Ironically though, if the adulterer is not killed, there is no direct prohibition in Tanakh against them re-marrying or any statement that the second spouse of such a person is tainted. However, YHWH considers such a union dead and yet leaves it up to the victim to decide if the marriage continues as binding.

The High Standard

If the victim though decides to stay, he or she will be guilty if they cheat to get back at the offender. The marriage is just as binding as before once the victim allows it go forward after the offense. But now lets move on to the next tier of Yshuas halacha.

The Low Standard

And the Pharisees drew near to him there, and were tempting him and saying, Is it Lawful for a man to put away his wife for any cause? But he answered and said to them, Have you not read, that He who created from the beginning, He created them male and female? And he said, Because of this, a man will leave his father and his mother

The Low Standard

will be both of them one flesh. Henceforth, they will not be two, rather one flesh. Therefore, what Elohim has united, man should not separate. They said to him, Why then did Moshe command to give a letter of divorce and to put her away? And he said to them, Because of the hardness of your heart, you were allowed to put away your

The Low Standard

wives. But it was not thus from the beginning. (Matthew 19:3-8-AENT) Yshua is referring to Moshes ruling in Deuteronomy 24:1-3, which was clearly meant originally as a concession, not an endorsement of frivolous divorce as righteous behavior. Therefore the Low Standard is out!

The Low Standard

Next week though, we will look at the unexpected Middle Road that exists between the High and Low Standards. What is the way that is less righteous than the ideal Yshua hopes we can accept but more righteous than not trying to please YHWH at all? What are its rules and how does it work? Find out next week on

Next week

Episode 7: Yshuas Middle Road for Marriage (Marriage, Divorce and Widowhood Part III)

Men are from Jerusalem Women are from Galilee

Episode 7: Yshuas Middle Road for Marriage Marriage, Divorce and Widowhood, Part 3 Andrew Gabriel Roth

The Middle Road

Is there something that exists between the High and Low? A way more righteous than the Low but not quite as righteous as the High? I believe there is such a Middle Road, but it is more case by case than automatic all for one or the other. First, lets remember where we started with our Scripture Theme of the Week.

Scripture theme Of the week: Matthew 19:8

The Middle Road

But I say to you that he who leaves his wife without a charge of adultery, and takes another, commits adultery. And he that takes a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 19:8-AENT)
This means, if your marriage has another kind of crisissuch as you or your children being in danger of deathyou GET OUT, divorce now, but avoid remarriage.

The Middle Road

Any kind of abuse that poses a direct threat to life suspends marriage, just as life and death situations suspend Shabbat. And if children are involved, their safety trumps your marriage. Other forms of abuse will require spiritual counsel and much prayer. YHWH will decide its fate, but you can still leave just dont remarry.

The Middle Road

Any kind of abuse that poses a direct threat to life suspends marriage, just as life and death situations suspend Shabbat. And if children are involved, their safety trumps your marriage. Other forms of abuse will require spiritual counsel and much prayer. YHWH will decide its fate, but you can still leave just dont remarry.

The Middle Road

However, no spouse should be so thoroughly dependent on the other as to make such a desperate need impossible to meet. In that case, absolute dependence is a CURSE, but inter-dependence makes a marriage kosher and will avoid the need for divorce

The Middle Road

The truly capable woman -- who can find her? She is far beyond the price of pearls. Her husband's heart has confidence in her, from her he will derive no little profit. Advantage and not hurt she brings him all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax, she does her work with eager hands. She is like those merchant vessels, bringing her food from

The Middle Road

far away. She gets up while it is still dark giving her household their food, giving orders to her serving girls. She sets her mind on a field, then she buys it; with what her hands have earned she plants a vineyard. She puts her back into her work and shows how strong her arms can be. She knows that her affairs are going well; her lamp does not go out at

The Middle Road

night. She sets her hands to the distaff, her fingers grasp the spindle. She holds out her hands to the poor, she opens her arms to the needy. Snow may come, she has no fears for her household, with all her servants warmly clothed. She makes her own quilts, she is dressed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gates, taking his

The Middle Road

seat among the elders of the land. She weaves materials and sells them, she supplies the merchant with sashes. She is clothed in strength and dignity, she can laugh at the day to come. When she opens her mouth, she does so wisely; on her tongue is kindly instruction. She keeps good watch on the conduct of her household, no bread of idleness for her.

The Middle Road

Her children stand up and proclaim her blessed, her husband, too, sings her praises: 'Many women have done admirable things, but you surpass them all! Charm is deceitful, and beauty empty; the woman who fears Yahweh is the one to praise. Give her a share in what her hands have worked for,

The Middle Road

and let her works tell her praises at the city gates. (Proverbs 31:10-31 NJB) So if this woman, within her marriage, can be in charge of servants, buy property, manage the house and take a share in her own profits, why cant she also do so after a kosher divorce? The key is, she develops these skills BEFORE the divorce, not after.

The Middle Road

This is His mercy at work. A woman is not meant to cut herself off from productive employment and valuable skills while married, so long as her other obligations are also met. This is for her own good, so that if death or circumstance separates her from her husband, she is not left helpless.

The Middle Road

In addition, in almost every case, a spouse who divorces to avoid abuse will be given afterwards an opportunity to remarry without taint, either because the other person died or found another intimate partner. Therefore, do not judge the divorced without knowing the facts (Matt. 7:1)!

Adultery in your heart

You have heard that it has been said that you should not commit adultery. But I say to you that all who that looks at a woman as lustfully at once has committed adultery in his heart. (Matthew 5:27-28-AENT) To understand what this phrase really means, we need to read a little further

Adultery in your heart

And if your right eye stumbles you, pluck it out and cast it from you, for it is better for you that one of your members should perish and not all of your body be thrown into Gehenna. And if your right hand stumbles you, cut it off and cast it from you for it is better for you that one of your members should perish and not all of

Adultery in your heart

your body be thrown into Gehenna. (Matthew 5:28-30-AENT) There are three examples given and they are all related: looking at a woman with lust, having an offensive eye and having a right hand that stumbles. This is actually about one of the 10 Commandments, and it isnt adultery!

Adultery in your heart

"You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor." (Exodus 20:17 NAU) Coveting is the gateway drug of the Top 10, because setting your heart on what is not yours leads to sinful action.

Adultery in your heart

So Yshua is actually teaching about the three steps from coveting to physical sin. First you IMAGINE the object of your desire, say a beautiful woman. Second you SEE this beautiful woman in real life. Third you SEDUCE this woman, willingly or unwillingly, still sinful.

Adultery in your heart

Now look at Yshuas order. First you IMAGINE (looking at mentally) sinning with a beautiful woman. Second you SEE this beautiful woman with your sinful eye in real life. Third your ARM sinfully acts, a metaphor for manifesting your desires on her physically, by touching her.

Adultery in your heart

Since all parts in this process lead to sin, Yshua means that all parts are equally troublesome, since without the first step one cant proceed to the second, third and so on. That is why a sin can be committed solely in the mind. It is adultery in the heart NOT adultery in the WORLD. But we must master our thoughts too!

Take Every Thought Captive

And we demolish imaginations, and every lofty thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of Elohim, and subjugate all reasoning to obedience to the Mashiyach. (1 Corinthians 10:5-AENT) subjugate all reasoning, or taking every thought captive as the Greek reads, is not the same as preventing bad thoughts from happening.

Take Every Thought Captive Rather, it implies we STRUGGLE with our thoughts. Our carnality becomes a strong opponent that we must wrestle with, and we have been having that match for a very long time

Take Every Thought Captive

Now Abel became a shepherd and kept flocks, while Cain tilled the soil. Time passed and Cain brought some of the produce of the soil as an offering for Yahweh, while Abel for his part brought the first-born of his flock and some of their fat as well. Yahweh looked with favor on Abel and his offering. But he did not look with favor on Cain and his

Take Every Thought Captive

offering, and Cain was very angry and downcast. Yahweh asked Cain, 'Why are you angry and downcast? If you are doing right, surely you ought to hold your head high! But if you are not doing right, Sin is crouching at the door hungry to get you. You can still master him. (Genesis 4:2-7 NJB)

Take Every Thought Captive

Notice that Cain has only THOUGHT about doing something bad or being angry. Some might say he is guilty of no more than being in a bad mood at that moment. But YHWH disagrees, and says that sin crouches at your door. Just THINKING about anger is enough to bring sin to the door of your house!

Take Every Thought Captive

So this is what take every thought captive means. Its not that we NEVER think these thoughts, but that we learn to CONTROL them. Sin came to Cains door, but Cain, as YHWH said, could have willed sin away so that it couldnt come in--unless his thoughts turned to his eyes and his eyes turned to his hands.

The Bottom Line

..is that while it is better not to think evil thoughts at all, it is still a virtuous act to take them captive. It is a test of character to be tempted but resist. Yshua is not trying to turn people into mindless automatons; rather he seeks people like Peter who, while they struggle, still master their sin after much effort.

The Bottom Line

In a sense also to ask if adultery in the heart is just as bad as the actual deed almost misses the point. Again, the idea is to show where evil thoughts lead so as to avoid those traps. But if one stumbles at the beginning, they can still redeem themselves at the end, as Paul so eloquently states here

The Bottom Line

And, that I might not be uplifted by the excellence of the revelations, there was given also to me a thorn in my flesh, the Messenger of Satan, to attack me that I might not be uplifted. Respecting this, three times I begged my Master (Yshua), that it might depart from me. And he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you; for my power is

The Bottom Line

Gladly, therefore, will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of the Mashiyach may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:7-9-AENT) And, at the end of all that, we may yet be fortunate enough to have this to look forward to

The Bottom Line

I have fought a good fight, I have completed my race, I have preserved my faith; and from now on there is preserved for me a crown of righteousness with which my Master (Yshua), the righteous Judge, will recompense me in that day; and not me only, but them also who love his manifestation. (2 Timothy 4:7-8-AENT)

Next week

Episode 8: Inside the Real Biblical Divorce

Men are from Jerusalem Women are from Galilee

Episode 8: Inside the Real Biblical Divorce Marriage, Divorce and Widowhood, Part 4 Andrew Gabriel Roth

Scripture theme Of the week: Matthew 5:31-32

Scripture Theme of the Week

It has been said that he that puts away his wife will give to her a writing of divorce. But I say to you that any who puts away his wife aside from a case of fornication makes her commit adultery, and he who takes a divorced woman commits adultery. Is put away the same as divorce? Not necessarily! Lets see why

The Two-Stage Divorce

Just as there are two stages to Biblical marriage, so too are there two stages for divorce. Today, we would very roughly relate these terms to separation and then divorce, but the Biblical rules are also quite different in some of their details from their civil equivalents. The two stages are in this Scripture

The Two-Stage Divorce

And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also. (Jeremiah 3:8 NAU) Stage 1: Sent her away. Stage 2: Gave her a writ of divorce.

The Two-Stage Divorce

In all three Biblical languages of Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek, there are separate and distinct words for sending/putting away and giving her a WRIT of divorce. In Hebrew, our sending/putting away stage is known as SHALACH, the same word from which we get apostle or Sent-Out ones.

The Two-Stage Divorce

But when it comes time to give the woman a certificate of divorce, that is referenced by the term SEFER KERITUTH ( ), literally divorce document. The word KERITUTH is derived from KARET, which means to cut off, an apt description for divorce. (Sometimes the Writ comes first.)

The Two-Stage Divorce

In the Greek translations of the NT, the terms consistently follow the Hebrew. For sending/putting away we have APOLUO (), from a root that means abandon and also APHEIMI (). For a writ of divorce, the Greek phrase is APOSTASION ().

The Two-Stage Divorce

By NT times also, women were allowed the right to send away their husbands as well (1 Corinthians 7:12), or Paul would not have forbidden it for his flock. Ill get to Aramaic in a moment. For now, lets just recap and see the two stages working together:

The Two-Stage Divorce

When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife. (Deuteronomy 24:1-2 NAU)

The Two-Stage Divorce

So this is the order it is supposed to happen in: FIRST give her a writ of divorce, THEN send her from the house and THEN she is allowed to marry another man. But by Yshuas time, these men were abusing the system. They were sending the women away WITHOUT a writ so they could not marry!

The Two-Stage Divorce

In other words, the men of Israel were using almost any excuse to send their wives away WITHOUT a WRIT. This scandalized the women, and made them unable to even socialize with people, let alone find a mate. In Aramaic, such a disgraced and abandoned woman is called SHIVIQTA, from the root to forsake.

The Two-Stage Divorce

But if a womans husband died OR she was given this writ of divorce, she becomes called a SHRITA in Aramaic, from a root that means to unravel, as in loosening a covenant, like marriage. The word SHRITA is not used by Yshua in the ban on adulterous remarriageonly SHVIQTA is.

The Two-Stage Divorce

So now we know all the relevant terms in all three Biblical languages. Armed with this information, we can now look at the full context of Matthew 5:31-32. For what follows, I will put in parentheses these more specific meanings

Matthew 5:31-32 Revisited

It has been said that he that puts away his wife (abandons, sends her away) will give to her a writing of divorce (official document). But I say to you that any who puts away (sends away WITHOUT papers) his wife aside from a case of fornication makes her commit adultery, and he who takes a divorced woman commits adultery.

Matthew 5:31-32 Revisited

So this the reason why the adultery happens for BOTH when a woman who is ONLY sent away remarries. Its sin on the man because he didnt finish the divorce process and he will take another wife. Its sin on the wife (but her husbands fault) because without that WRIT, hubby #2 is in adultery with her!

Matthew 5:31-32 Revisited

But, Scripture did allow for a woman to be sent away WITHOUT CERTIFICATION under one circumstance: If there is a man who commits adultery with another man's wife, one who commits adultery with his friend's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. (Lev 20:10 NAU)

Matthew 5:31-32 Revisited

So because adultery carried the death penalty, the adulterous wife could be sent away without an official certification. Yshua is addressing the reality of the present system, not his government that he is establishing. So now this piece of Matthew 5:31-32 also makes better sense.

Matthew 5:31-32 Revisited

But I say to you that any who puts away (sends away WITHOUT papers) his wife aside from a case of fornication makes her commit adultery, and he who takes a divorced woman commits adultery. Yshua then answers the Pharisees original question, Is it Lawful to put away our wives for any reason?

But theres a catch

The natural question is: Does this mean divorce in this manner automatically allows remarriage without sin? In order to find out, we need to bring in other facets of Yshuas intricate teachings on marriage. The Gospels give us three near verbatim versions of this detail

But theres a catch

Yshua answered and said to them, On account of the hardness of your heart, he wrote to you this Commandment. But from the beginning Elohim made them male and female. Because of this, a man will leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife. And the two of them will be one flesh. Thus, they are not two, but one

But theres a catch

flesh. Therefore, the thing that Elohim has joined, man should not separate. (Mark 10:5-9-AENT) So it is man who took the Torah of Moshe and twisted it to liberal absurdity. Adultery or death renders the other partner SHRITA, literally loosened from his/her marriage.

But theres a catch

Sending away a wife without a writ is cruel and causes adultery on all sides, but if that adultery already happened, the point is moot. If the adulterer though is NOT killed, Scripture does not directly say they cannot remarry. Yshua also FORGAVE adulterers in John 8, but this incident is disputed.

But theres a catch

The problem is that John 7:53-8:11 does NOT appear in the 4 earliest Greek manuscripts and it is missing from ALL Eastern Aramaic manuscripts. It is certainly the case that those currently doing adultery will not inherit the kingdom of Elohim (1 Corinthians 6:9-10).

But theres a catch

But what if the adulterer repented and turned their life around? Are we really going to say that Yshua cannot forgive that original sin IF he chooses to? And IF he does forgive it, can that forgiven offender remarry without incurring the charge of adultery? Lets see

But theres a catch

For what is easier to say, that you are forgiven, or to say arise, walk? But that you know that the Son of man has authority to forgive sins on earth, he said to that paralytic, Arise, take your pallet and go to your house. And he arose and went to his house. (Matthew 9:5-7-AENT) And

But theres a catch

And Yshua was saying, Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing. (Luke 23:54-AENT) So if Yshua could forgive the Romans who were murdering him, he can forgive adultery, and has, throughout the ages. I therefore must leave this to a matter of personal faith for each case.

But theres a catch Proper Biblical counseling, repentance and much prayer will have to be the way this question is answered for the former offender. But I would like to believe there is always hope.

And finally

I should say a word also about what happens when, even if we are fortunate enough to have a great and blessed marriage, our soul-mate, our love of our lives, dies. What then? When an immediate family member is lost to death, Scripture does not encourage us to get over the loss instantly.

And finally

We may bury the loved one on the same day in Judaism, but we dont bury their memory. Scripture and Rabbinic tradition are unanimous on this point: We must take time to grieve, to process the loss. In Numbers 9:11 we are told a corpse renders a person unclean for 7 days.

And finally

Scripture and Rabbinic tradition are unanimous on this point: We must take time to grieve, to process the loss. In Numbers 19:11 we are told a corpse renders a person unclean for 7 days. In later times, this 7 day period became known as Sitting Shiva- a period of intense mourning.

And finally

The custom is for family and friends to constantly visit the bereaved house all day and well into evening. They must bring all manner of food with them. The idea is that both the company and food are necessary to help the grieving people to not have to think about going out of their house, to focus intently on the loss.

And finally

We are also told in Numbers 20:29, Deuteronomy 34:8 and elsewhere that the normal time to mourn a great man or woman is 30 days. This has an equivalent in Judaism too, where after the 7 days, the affected people were black ribbons to show they are mourning but they also return to work, to show that life does go on.

And finally

As the year goes on, the deceased in remembered at the next Yom Kippur. At the first year anniversary, the actual tomb stone is unveiled and a second funeral is given, along with rabbi instructing that the mourning period has ended. Then every year after that, a special memorial candle is lit on the Hebrew day of their death.

And finally

But unlike children or parents, spouses have one thing about them that is different: If it is practical to do soand it isnt alwayswe are encouraged in Scripture to seek love again and marry again if we can. We may never replace the person we lost, but we can and should find another for their role in our lives.

And finally

Scripture gives us several examples of this. Both Abraham and Moshe took second wives after the first one died (Genesis 25:1, Numbers 12:1). And the beautiful story of Ruth finding her second husband after being widowed is simply too powerful to be denied. These are not exceptions, they are the RULE, for as Yshua said.

And finally

I am the Gate and if a man should enter by me he will live and will enter and go out and he will find pasture. But does not a thief come that he may steal and kill and destroy? I have come that they may have life, which is abundant. I am the Good Shepherd. (Yochanan 10:9-11-AENT)