COMMUNICATION FOR PERSONAL EFFECTIVNESS

THIS IS THE STORY OF BATTLE SHIP THAT WAS CAPTAINED BY A BULL HEADED PERSON. WHILE TRAVELLING IN THE NIGHT HE CAME ACROSS ANOTHER LIGHT FROM THE OPPOSITE SIDE. HE SENT A MESSAGE ASKING THAT LIGHT TO MOVE AWAY AND MAKE WAY FOR HIM. A REPLY CAME I WILL NOT MOVE YOU MOVE

THIS MADE THE CAPTAIN ANGRY AND HE SENT ANOTHER MESSAGE THREATNING THAT OBJECT WITH DIRE CONSEQUENCES, IF IT DID NOT MOVE.
ONCE AGAIN THE REPLY WAS THE SAME. THE CAPTAIN REPLIED: I AM A GREAT BATTLE SHIP AND IF YOU DO NOT MOVE, I SHALL BLAST YOU AWAY. THE REPLY CAME: I AM A LIGHTHOUSE AND IF YOU DO NOT MOVE, YOU WILL CRASH.

FLOW CHART OF COMMUNICATION PROCESS

REFERENCE SELECTIVE LISTENING VALUE JUDGMENT CREDIBILITY FILTERS TIME STATUS

FIELD OF EXPERIENCE

FIELD OF EXPERIENCE

COOMUNICATOR ENCODING

GAP INTERFERENCE
MESSAGE

RECIEVER

DECODING

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COMMUNICATION TYPES / METHODS VERBAL NON VERBAL WRITTEN

CHANNELS OF COMMUNICATION UPWARD DOWNWARD ACROSS

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BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION PHYSICAL BARRIERS DISTRACTIONS ENVIRONMENTAL BARRIERS JUDGEMENTAL BARRIERS

DELIBERATE WITHOLDING OF INFORMATION

LACK OF CLARITY LACK OF INFORMATION

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IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATION BINDS PEOPLE TOGETHER AND INCREASES COMPETITION ENABLES SHARING OF IDEAS AND EXPERIENCE OF OTHERS ONLY IF THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO, WILL PEOPLE GIVE BEST EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION INCREASES PRODUCTIVITY

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION CAN MODIFY BEHAVIOUR

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IS IMPORTANT FOR ORGANISING

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TIPS TO IMPROVE COMMUNICATION BE CLEAR AS TO WHAT YOU WANT TO CONVEY ASSESS YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILL AND THAT OF OTHER MAKE THE MESSAGE RELEVANT TO THE PERSON LISTENING TO YOU BY USING HIS / HER LANGUAGE AND TERMS. DEVELOP ONE IDEA AT A TIME EMPHASISE WHERE IT IS REQUIRED CHECK PERIODICALLY IF OTHER PERSON HAS RECEIVED YOUR MESSAGE.

LISTEN ATTENTIVELY AND ACTIVELY NOT JUST HEARING.

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TIPS TO IMPROVE COMMUNICATION DO NOT PRESUPPOSE OR MENTALLY CONCLUDE WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS GOING TO SAY DO NOT MAKE ANY ASSUMPTION ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON RESPECT THE OTHER PERSON AND THEIR VIEWS. JUST AS YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LOGIC AND REASONING, SO DO THEY.

FOR COMMUNICATION IN AN EMOTIONAL STATE, PATIENT LISTENING IS A MUST.

REMEMBER WHAT YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE WITH YOUR COMMUNICATION

REMEMBER THE WORDS THAT YOU USE ARE YOUR AMBASSADORS.

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THE JOHARI WINDOW

SELF BIODATA PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES WHAT IS SHOWN KNOWN UNKNOWN PERSONAL HABITS (SNORING) BODY LANGUAGE ANGER LACK OF LISTENING SKILLS PVT SELF OF OTHERS INCONSISTENCY IN BEHAVIOUR

O T H E R S

K N O W N

PUBLIC FACE

BLIND SIDE

U N K N O W N

PRIVATE SIDE

UNKNOWN

EXPECTATION BOSS TO SUBORDINATE SUBORDINATE TO BOOS BAD NEWS

CHILDHOOD MEMORIES DREAMS EMOTIONS CREATIVITY

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THE OPEN AREA: THE OPEN AREA INCLUDES THAT PART OF YOU YOUR BEHAVIOUR, FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS - WHICH YOU SHARE FREELY WITH OTHERS. WHEN YOU FORM A NEW RELATIONSHIP, THIS AREA TENDS TO BE SMALL. WHAT YOU SHARE WITH A NEW ACQUAINTANCE IS GOVERNED LARGELY BY SOCIAL CONVENTIONS AND LIMITED TO THINGS THAT ARE PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE ANYWAY. AS YOU GET TO KNOW AND TRUST ONE ANOTHER, YOU ARE BOTH WILLING TO SHARE MORE OF YOURSELF AND THE OPEN AREA GROWS IN SIZE.

THE BLIND AREA THE BLIND AREA INCLUDES BEHAVIOUR YOU ARE NOT AWARE OF, ALTHOUGH ANOTHER MAY BE. YOU FIND OUT ABOUT YOUR BLIND AREA THROUGH FEEDBACK FROM OTHERS.
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THE HIDDEN AREA

THE HIDDEN AREA INCLUDES THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS THAT YOU HAVE NOT YET REVEALED TO OTHERS THOROUGH YOUR BEHAVIOUR. YOU SHARE YOUR HIDDEN AREA BY SELF DISCLOSURE THE UNKNOWN AREA
THE UNKNOWN AREA IS THAT PART OF YOU WHICH YOU ONCE KNEW AND HAVE FORGOTTON, OR WHICH YOU HAVE NOT YET DISCOVERED. WHAT HELPS YOU TO PROBE INTO YOUR UNKNOWN IS EXPERIMENT AND PLAY. SMALL CHILDREN ARE EXPERTS AT SELF DISCOVERY SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY ARE EXPERTS AT PLAY. AS PEOPLE GROW OLDER, THEY OFTEN TEND TO LOSE THEIR CAPACITY TO PLAY, TO TEST, TO EXPERIMENT, TO FOOL AROUND.
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BEING OPEN FOCUSES ON BEHAVIOUR (WORDS AND ACTIONS) AND REACTIONS TO BHAVIOUR (UNDERSTANDING & FEELINGS) WHEN YOU COMMUNICATE FREELY WITH OTHERS ABOUT YOUR BEHAVIOUR, PERCEPTIONS AND FEELINGS, YOU ARE BEING OPEN. IF YOU ARE EVASIVE, DEFENSIVE, RESERVED OR SILENT, YOU ARE BEING CLOSED. YOU CAN USE THE WINDOW TO LOOK AT YOURSELF, TO HELP YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW OPEN YOU ARE AND WHAT GROWTH IN OPENNESS MEANS. YOU CAN ALSO USE IT TO LOOK AT DIFFERENT KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS; ONE TO ONE, ONE TO GROUP,AND GROUP TO GROUP.

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ASSUME THAT THE WINDOW DESCRIBES THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND SOME ONE ELSE IN THE GROUP WITH WHOM YOU ARE NOW WORKING. THE FOUR QUADRANTS REPRESENT THE TOTAL RELATIONSHIP. THE RELATIONSHIP IS DEFINED BY TWO POINTS OF VIEW - YOUR OWN AND THAT OF THE OTHER PERSON. THE QUADRANT OF THE WINDOW THAT DESCRIBES WHAT IS ACTUALLY SHARED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS THE OPEN PORTION. ENLARGING THE AREA OF OPENNESS BY REDUCING THE HIDDEN OR THE BLIND OR THE UNKNOWN IS NORMALLY A LITTLE RISKY.

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THE RISK IS TO BOTH THE PARTIES. WILL YOU BE HURTING SOMEONE BY BEING OPEN? WILL YOU MAKE THE PERSON ANGRY? WILL THE PERSON REJECT YOU? IS THE OPENNESS WORTH IT? WHEN IS OPENNESS WORTH IT? WHEN IS IT POSSIBLE? WHEN IS IT CONSTRUCTIVE? THERE MUST BE A GOOD REASON TO BE OPEN. OPENESS MUST HAVE A PURPOSE. HAVE EMPATHY SO THAT IT DOES NOT SEEM TO BE MANIPULATIVE, MEDDLING, THREATENING, AGGRESSIVE OR EVEN HOSTILE. IT IS NOT AN ABSOLUTE VALUE; IT MUST BE PUT INTO A CONTEXT SO THAT IT SERVES YOUR NEEDS. OPENNESS INVOLVES RISK TAKING. OPENNESS IS SHARING AND IF OTHER DOES NOT SHARE THIS FEELING, IT IS COERCION. OPENNESS SHOULD BE BUILTON TRUST TO THE POINT THAT THE PERSON FEELS SAFE ENOUGH TO DROP HIS / HER DEFENCES ON THEIR OWN.
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 OPENNESS

MEANS FACING AND ACCEPTING YOUR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, BEHAVIOUR, AND BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM. THE AIM OF BEING OPEN IS NOT TO CHANGE THE OTHER, BUT TO SHARE AN UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. BEING OPEN IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING PERSONAL. GIVING AND GETTING FEEDBACK PLAYES AN IMPORTANT PART IN BEING OPEN. FEEDBACK IS THE WAY OF SEEING THE IMPACT ON ANOTHER OF WHAT YOU SAY AND DO.

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SELF

KNOWN K N O W N

UNKNOWN

O T H E R S

PUBLIC FACE

BLIND SIDE

U N K N O W N

PRIVATE SIDE

UNKNOWN

PRIVATE SIDE IS BIGGER AS MEMBERS TRY TO GUAGE EACH OTHER AS TO WHAT TO DISCLOSE OR WHAT TO HOLD BACK.

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KNOWN K N O W N

UNKNOWN

O T H E R S

PUBLIC FACE

BLIND SIDE

U N K N O W N

UNKNOWN PRIVATE SIDE

AS MEMBERS BECOME FAMILIAR AND OPEN, THE PUBLIC SIDE BECOMES MORE PROMINENT. THE PRIVATE SIDE STILL CONTINUES TO EXIST AS NO BODY WOULD LIKE TO COMPLETELY OPEN OUT. COUNSELLING IS ONE AREA WHICH CAN REDUCE THE PRIVATE SIDE.

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SELF
KNOWN UNKNOWN

O T H E R S

K N O W N

PUBLIC FACE

BLIND SIDE

U N K N O W N

UNKNOWN PRIVATE SIDE

IN SOME CASES MEMBERS WOULD STILL NOT LIKE TO DISCLOSE THEIR PRIVATE SIDE BUT WOULD BE HAPPY TO KNOW ABOUT OTHERS PRIVATE LIFE. INTORROGATORS, QUESTIONING FORM THIS GROUP. DURING FEEDBACK, THIS TYPE OF PERSON NEITHER GIVES ANY (HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN OTHERS TO OFFER THIS) NOR RECIEVES ANY (AS HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN OTHERS, AND SO NO ONE WOULD SHOW ANY INTEREST IN HIM. WHEN HE TRIES TO RELATE, IT WOULD BE TO SEEK VIEWS OR QUESTION.

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KNOWN

UNKNOWN

O T H E R S

K N O W N

PUBLIC FACE

BLIND SIDE

U N K N O W N

UNKNOWN
PRIVATE SIDE

A PERSON WITH A LARGE BLIND SPOT AREA CAN BE EITHER A LOVELY PERSON OR A PAIN IN THE NECK. THEY ARE SO INSENSITIVE TO FEELINGS THAT THEY WILL GIVE UNSOLICITED COMMENTS, ADVICE, FEEDBACK. HE IS SO INSENSITIVE TO THE THE RESULTS OF HIS ACTIONS THAT HE IS UNAWARE OF ANY REACTION. OR THE REACTIONS CAN BE SO VIOLENT, THAT THEY WOULD BE DIFFICULT TO DESCRIBE AS REAL AND MEANINGFUL FEEDBACK. CONVERSELY, THE INDIVIDUAL WITH A LARGE PUBLIC SIDE IS VERY LIKELY TO GIVE VALUABLE FEEDBACK, RECEIVE AND ACCEPT IT FROM OTHERS.

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KNOWN

UNKNOWN

O T H E R S

K N O W N

PUBLIC FACE

BLIND SIDE

U N K N O W N

UNKNOWN PRIVATE SIDE

THIS TYPE IS THE MOST DIFFICULT TO ASSESS AND IDENTIFY THEY ARE LIKELY TO BE QUIET, SILENT AND LOOK LIKE OBSERVERS. THEY NEITHER CONTRIBUTE NOR LOOK TO GAIN ANYTHING ALTHOUGH THEY NORMALLY SHOW A TENDENCY TO DISAGREE. THESE ARE PERSONS WITH EXTREME EMOTIONS AND WITH A LOT OF GUILT FEELING OR FEELING OF COMPLEX AND WOULD DO ANYTHING TO REMAIN SO.

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THE OPEN AREA: THE OPEN AREA INCLUDES THAT PART OF YOU YOUR BEHAVIOUR, FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS - WHICH YOU SHARE FREELY WITH OTHERS. WHEN YOU FORM A NEW RELATIONSHIP, THIS AREA TENDS TO BE SMALL. WHAT YOU SHARE WITH A NEW ACQUAINTANCE IS GOVERNED LARGELY BY SOCIAL CONVENTIONS AND LIMITED TO THINGS THAT ARE PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE ANYWAY. AS YOU GET TO KNOW AND TRUST ONE ANOTHER, YOU ARE BOTH WILLING TO SHARE MORE OF YOURSELF AND THE OPEN AREA GROWS IN SIZE.

THE BLIND AREA THE BLIND AREA INCLUDES BEHAVIOUR YOU ARE NOT AWARE OF, ALTHOUGH ANOTHER MAY BE. YOU FIND OUT ABOUT YOUR BLIND AREA THROUGH FEEDBACK FROM OTHERS.
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COMMUNICATION FOR PERSONAL EFFECTIVNESS

OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS THIS IS USED TO GET AS MUCH INFORMATION AS POSSIBLE FROM A PERSON. THIS CAN BE USED WHEN THE PATIENT IS NOT CLEAR AND YOU NEED A LOT OF DETAILS EXAMPLE: HOW DID YOU ARRIVE AT CHENNAI FROM YOUR TOWN CLOSE ENDED QUESTIONS:

THESE ARE QUESTIONS WHICH ARE SPECIFIC TO A POINT AND ARE USED TO GET INFORMATION ONLY THAT IS NECESSARY.
EXAMPLE: ARE YOU MARRIED?

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TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS

All the time in life we are at one of the three Ego state:

Parent Adult Child

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THE THREE EGO STATES

Parent

Parent

Adult

Adult

Child
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Child

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TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS

Parent Child

NURTURING CRITICAL NATURAL ADAPTIVE

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INSTRUCTS

Parent

TAUGHT

INTERVENES

THOUGHT

Adult

WANTS

FELT

Child
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CHILD EGO STATE STANDS FOR INTUTION, CREATIVITY SPONTANEOUS DRIVE, ENJOYMENT THE ADULT EGO STATES REGULATES AND CONTROLS. IT ALSO PROCESSES DATA AND COMPUTES OPTIONS. THE PARENT STATE INCORPORATES THE ATTITUDES, FEELINGS AND CAN BE BOTH CRITICAL AND NURTURING. DEVELOPMENT OF PARENT BEGINS EARLY WHEN AS A CHILD WE OBSERVE AND RECORD THINGS THAT HAPPENED AROUND US. CRITICAL PARENTS TEND TO IMPOSE AND FORCE THEIR POINT OF VIEW. NURTURING PARENTS ASSIMILATE FACTS AND THEN TAKE A DECISION.

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A NATURAL OR FREE CHILD ACTS INDEPENDANTLY AND IN AN UNINHIBITED MANNER, DOING THINGS BECAUSE THEY BRING PLEASURE. A FREE CHILD CAN BE EASY OR DEMANDING EXAMPLE, CLOWNING AROUND OR ASKING TO COMPLETE WORK. ADAPTIVE CHILD STATE WANTS TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY AND IS WILLING TO SACRIFICE ITS OWN HAPPINESS. THEY ARE CHARACTERISED AS BEING POLITE, AMIABLE, AND CONTROLLED. A LITTLE PROFESSOR IN THE CHILD IS THE CURIOUS PART OF THE CHILD ITS INTUTION. THIS CAN LEAD TO EITHER LEARNING OR MANIPULATION. FOR EXAMPLE, IN ORDER TO TAKE LEAVE, A CHILD MAY PRETEND TO HAVE A STOMACH ACHE.

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Parent

Parent

Adult

Adult

Child
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Child

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Parent

Parent

Adult

Adult

Child
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Child

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Parent

Parent

Adult

Adult

Child
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Child

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Parent

Parent

Adult

Adult

Child
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Child

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Parent

Parent

Adult
Only 1 out of 9 relationship is A - A Child
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Adult

Child

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Crossed Transaction Parent Parent

Adult

Adult

Child
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Child

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Crossed transaction

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STROKES
STROKES ARE RECOGNITION OR RESPONSE OR A FORM OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. POSITIVE STROKES

NEGATIVE STROKES.
POSITIVE STROKES BRINGS MOTIVATION, OPENNESS, TRUST AND IMPROVED RELATIONSHIPS. NEGATIVE STROKES BRING DEMOTIVATION, FEAR, INTRIGUE AND DESTROYS RELATIONSHIPS.

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Life Positions
THERE ARE FOUR BASIC LIFE POSITIONS I AM NOT OK YOU ARE NOT OK I AM OK - YOU ARE NOT OK I AM NOT OK - YOU ARE OK I AM OK - YOU ARE OK

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Life Positions
THERE ARE FOUR BASIC LIFE POSITIONS I AM NOT OK YOU ARE OK A PERSON IN THIS POSITION FEELS INFERIOR TO OTHERS ESPECIALLY IN SITUATIONS THAT CONCERN COMPETENCE INFLUENCE OR PERSONAL POWER. BURDEND WITH THIS SELF DEFEATING ATTITUDE AND LACK OF CONFIDENCE, THIS PERSON DOES NOT TAKE ANY INITIATIVE. I AM NOT OK - YOU ARE OK THIS IS A HIGHLY MALADJUSTED PERSON WHO BELIEVES HE IS WORTHLESS AND SO ARE OTHERS. THEY ARE HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS OF OTHERS AND BECOME ANXIOUS THAT OTHERS WILL TRY TO HARM THEM.

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Life Positions
I AM OK YOU ARE NOT OK A PERSON IN THIS POSITION BELIEVES THAT THEY CANNOT RELY ON ANYONE OTHER THAN THEMSELVES. THEY FEEL OTHERS ARE WORTHLESS AND MAY BE ENEMIES. THESE ARE HIGHLY AGGRESSIVE, OPINIATED AND BRASH. I AM OK - YOU ARE OK THIS POSITION IS CONSIDERED THE HEALTHIEST AND REQUIRES A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO ACHIEVE. SUCH PEOPLE ARE BOTH INDEPENDENT AND INTERDEPENDANT, AND CREATE WINNING SITUATIONS.

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YOU ARE OK

DEPRESSED
SELF BLAME / FEEL LET DOWN SELF PITY / SYMPATHY SEEK HIGH WITHDRAWAL GETS NEGATIVE STROKES SULKING ESCAPING SELF DAMAGE DESPARING VERY NEGATIVE THINKING GIVES & GETS BAD STROKE LOSERS NO AGENDA FOR GROWTH TAKES TO CRIME

OPTIMISTIC POSITIVE THINKING CONSTRUCTIVE APPROACH GIVES AND TAKES POSITIVE STROKES WINNER ENTERPRISING DISTRUSTFUL I AM OK

I AM NOT OK

LACKS TRUST, SELFISH, GIVES NEGETIVE STROKES HATED / NEGLECTED BY OTHERS CAN DAMAGE RELATIONSHIPS

YOU ARE NOT OK

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