HOW TO INFLUENCE,

PERSUADE AND MOTIVATE

Compiled by Dean Amory
 HOW TO
INFLUENCE,
PERSUADE AND
MOTIVATE

Compiled by
Dean Amory

2
3
Title: How to influence, persuade and motivate
Compiled by: Dean Amory
Dean_Amory@hotmail.com

Publisher: Edgard Adriaens, Belgium

eddyadriaens@yahoo.com

ISBN:
Copyright 2013 Edgard Adriaens, Belgium, - All Rights
Reserved.

This book has been compiled based on information that is freely

accessible in the public domain on the internet. Whenever you
cite such information or reproduce it in any form, please credit
the source or check with author or editor.

If you are aware of a copyright ownership that I have not

identified or credited, please contact me at:
Dean_Amory@hotmail.com

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6
INDEX
INDEX .....................................................................................6

INTRODUCTION ................................................................12

Persuading, Influencing and Negotiating ...........................14

PERSUADING ........................................................................15
30 PROVEN WAYS TO BE MORE PERSUASIVE ......................17
10 WAYS TO BE MORE PERSUASIVE ...................................27
NEGOTIATING ......................................................................31
INFLUENCING AND SOCIAL MEDIA ......................................39

MTD Training Influencing and Persuasion .......................47

PREFACE...............................................................................47
CONTENTS............................................................................48
1. INTRODUCTION.................................................................50
2. REVIEW OF COMMUNICATION BASICS .............................53
3. USING ANOTHER'S COMMUNICATION PREFERENCES TO
INFLUENCE AND PERSUADE .................................................59
4. TECHNIQUES FOR BUILDING RAPPORT .............................72

5. Linguistic Tools for Influence and Persuasion ..............78

6. FRAMEWORK THEORIES FOR APPLYING PERSUASION AND
INFLUENCE TECHNIQUES .....................................................85
7. INFLUENCE AND PERSUASION IN SALES ...........................92
8. RESOURCES ......................................................................97

Want to Be More Influential? .............................................99

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Improve Your Social Skills!.................................................99
BEING KNOWN .....................................................................99
BEING LIKED........................................................................100

How Influence Works ........................................................102

RATIONAL APPROACHES TO INFLUENCING .......................102
SOCIAL APPROACHES TO INFLUENCING ............................104
EMOTIONAL APPROACHES TO INFLUENCING ....................104
THE DARK SIDE INFLUENCE TACTICS ..............................105
THE TOPS FORMULA ........................................................106
THE INFLUENCE SKILLS .....................................................107
COMMUNICATION AND REASONING SKILLS .....................108
ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS .......................................................109
INTERPERSONAL SKILLS ....................................................110
INTERACTION SKILLS .........................................................111
INFLUENCE SKILL...............................................................112

Influencing Techniques: Preparation ...............................116

Identifying Who to Influence.............................................118

How Power Works..............................................................119

PERSONAL SOURCES OF POWER ........................................119
ORGANIZATIONAL SOURCES OF POWER ...........................121
WILL POWER (A META-SOURCE) .......................................122

The First Law of Influence ................................................123

Influence Effectiveness Self Assessment...........................125

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Power Source Self Assessment ..........................................133

Influence ..............................................................................143
1. RULE OF RECIPROCITY .....................................................144
2. COMMITMENT AND CONSISTENCY ...................................146
3. SOCIAL PROOF .................................................................148
4. LIKING .............................................................................150
5. AUTHORITY ......................................................................152
6. SCARCITY .........................................................................153

The Science of Persuasion - Summary .............................155

Techniques That Make You Powerful, Persuasive and

Influential ............................................................................162
TECHNIQUE #1: THE BECAUSE TECHNIQUE ......................162
TECHNIQUE #2: THE SOCIAL EXPECTANCY EFFECT: .............163
TECHNIQUE #3: THE FOOT IN THE DOOR EFFECT .................164
TECHNIQUE #4: HIJACKING THE BRAIN .................................165
TECHNIQUE #5: HALF AND HALF ..........................................166

Effective Influence Techniques .........................................168

# 1: START YOUR DISCUSSION ON THE RIGHT TRACK. ..........168
# 2: BE CRYSTAL CLEAR IN IMPARTING YOUR MESSAGE. .....168
# 3: GIVE THEM A SUMMARY................................................168
# 4: STAY HUMBLE. ..............................................................169
# 5: PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT IS BEING SAID ......................169
# 6: CHOOSE THE RIGHT TIME...............................................169
# 7: NEVER DISRESPECT ANYONE.........................................170

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Techniques To Increase Your Influencing Skills.............171
1. THE POWER OF EXTERNALISATION ..................................171
2. DONT WAFFLE ................................................................172
3. PERCEPTION IS KEY..........................................................172
4. LOOKING FOR THE HIDDEN OPPORTUNITIES ....................172

ROBERT CIALDINI: The Rules of Persuasion.............174

TABLE OF CONTENTS ...........................................................174
INTRODUCTION ....................................................................176
THE FIVE PS OF SUCCESS ...................................................176
CHAPTER 1 THE POWER OF PERSUASION ............................178
CHAPTER 2 THE TWELVE RULES OF PERSUASION ...............190
CHAPTER 3 THE RULE OF DISSONANCE ..............................194
CHAPTER 3 THE RULE OF DISSONANCE ..............................194
CHAPTER 4 THE RULE OF OBLIGATION ................................212
CHAPTER 5 THE RULE OF CONNECTIVITY ............................221
CHAPTER 6 THE RULE OF SOCIAL VALIDATION ...................242
CHAPTER 7 THE RULE OF SCARCITY ....................................256
CHAPTER 8 THE RULE OF VERBAL PACKAGING...................269
CHAPTER 9 THE RULE OF CONTRAST...................................293
CHAPTER 10 THE RULE OF EXPECTATIONS ..........................309
CHAPTER 11 THE RULE OF INVOLVEMENT ..........................325
CHAPTER 12 THE RULE OF ESTEEM .....................................353
CHAPTER 13 THE RULE OF ASSOCIATION ............................367
CHAPTER 14 THE RULE OF BALANCE ..................................382
CHAPTER 15 YOUR PERSUASION CHECKLIST ......................395

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The Psychology of Persuasion ...........................................418
IQ MATRIX ..........................................................................418
INTRODUCTION ...................................................................418
YOUR PERSUASIVE CREDENTIALS .....................................420
THE PERSUASIVE MINDSET ...............................................420
METHODS FOR GAINING HONOR .......................................421
METHODS FOR GAINING TRUST ........................................423
METHODS FOR GAINING PRESENCE ..................................425
INDISPENSABLE SKILLS OF PERSUASION ...........................427
HUMAN MOTIVATORS: WHAT ALL PEOPLE WANT .........432
PAIN AVOIDING MOTIVATORS...........................................442
THE FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPLES OF PERSUASION ...........445
INDISPENSABLE LAWS OF PERSUASION .............................446
GUIDELINES FOR PERSUASION...........................................450
OUR HUMAN CAPACITY TO RESIST PERSUASION .............453
FINAL THOUGHTS ...............................................................454
SPOTLIGHT ON THE MASTER MIND MATRIX ....................455
FREE ARTICLES & ONLINE RESOURCES ...........................456
RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS ...............................................456
RECOMMENDED BOOKS .....................................................457

John Maxwell: Leadership Ladder...................................460

The Five Levels of Leadership. .........................................464

21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership ...................................470

21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader.............................473

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15 Leadership Lessons .......................................................489

Persuasive Writing .............................................................491

Motivational Quotes ...........................................................502

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INTRODUCTION
In this book about communication, influencing, persuading and
motivating, you will mainly read articles based on the theories
of Roberto Cialdani, John Maxwell and Milton Erickson
(Richard Bandler, John Grinder).

Amongst other great books on the market place, I warmly

recommend you to also read Mr. Stephen Covey's "The seven
habits of highly effective people" and Mr. Dale Carnegy's
pioneering book "How to win friends and influence people" that
was first published in 1936 or 1937, but still is as interesting as
it was almost a century ago.

Influence includes being able to persuade, motivate and

negotiate in order to get what you want.

Imagine just for a moment how important it is to each of us to

improve our ability to influence others: to make friends and
inspire them, to win other people for our standpoint or to make
business contacts and reach positive agreements with them.

What if you were even only slightly more successful in this art?
Just imagine the possible benefits for your personal life, your
love life, your career, your social life, your personal happiness,
your financial position!

You know how important it is to educate yourself, to develop a

vision, to plan, and to work towards your goals with flexibility
and perseverance. Yet you also know that the race is not
always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor does food
always come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the
learned.

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One of the main reasons why excellent people do not advance
in their careers or fail in life, is because they don't realize the
enormous importance of networking and communication.

Knowledge and personal capacities are not enough to be

successful. You need influencing skills to make it in this life!

Since this great book about the art of influencing and

persuading others, is composed of articles found in the public
domain, which are freely accessible for anybody on the internet,
it's only fair that you should also be able to download this book
totally free of costs.

So, why not download the book and start today to take your
influencing and persuading skills to the next level?

The knowledge contained in this book will allow you to be

happier in your life and more successfully
* make friends and inspire them
* win other people for your standpoint
* make business contacts
* negotiate positive agreements
* advance in your career
* enhance your personal life, your love life, your social life
* enhance your personal happiness
* enhance your financial position
By getting better at influencing and persuading people, you will
in short, be able to create for yourself and your loved ones the
kind of life you have been dreaming of

It's free, so just get started now!

Dean Amory

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Persuading, Influencing and
Negotiating
PERSUADING involves being able to convince others to take
appropriate action.
NEGOTIATING involves being able to discuss and reach a
mutually satisfactory agreement.
INFLUENCING encompasses both of these.

These skills are important in many jobs, especially areas such as

marketing, sales, advertising and buying, but are also valuable
in everyday life. You will often find competency-based
questions on these skills on application forms and at interview,
where you will be required to give evidence that you have
developed these skills.

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Persuading
A conscious attempt by one individual or group to change the
attitudes, beliefs, or behavior of another individual or group of
individuals through the transmission of some message.

One scenario where persuading skills can be important is the

job interview, but the following tips are valuable in many other
settings.

Focus on the needs of the other party. Take time to listen to

them carefully and
find out about their
interests and
expectations. This
shows that you are
really interested in
them and they are
then more likely to
trust and respect you.
It will also make it
easier for you to
outline the benefits
of your proposal in terms they understand.

Argue your case with logic. Do careful research on your ideas

and those of your competitors (if there are any) and make sure
that any claims you make can be verified.

The more hesitant language you use such as "isn't it", "you
know", "um mm" and "I mean" the less people are likely to
believe your argument. (Journal of Applied Psychology)

Use positive rather than negative language: instead of saying

"You're wrong about this", say "That's true, however ...",

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"That's an excellent idea, but if we look more deeply ....." or "I
agree with what you say but have you considered ....".

Subtly compliment the other party. For example: "I see that
you've done some really excellent research into this". Even
though they may realize this is being done, evidence shows that
they will still warm to you and be more open to your proposals.

Mirroring the other person's mannerisms (e.g. hand and

body movements). A study at INSEAD Business School found
that 67% of sellers who used mirroring achieved a sale
compared to 12% who did not. People you mirror
subconsciously feel more empathy with you. However, it can be
very embarrassing if the other person detects conscious
mirroring so it must be very subtle. You need to leave a delay of
between two and four seconds before the mirroring action. See
our body language quiz for more on this.

Try to remember the names of everyone you meet. It shows

that you are treating them as an individual.

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30 Proven Ways to Be More
Persuasive
http://www.onlinemba.com/blog/30-proven-ways-to-be-more-
persuasive/

Whether we realize it or not, we use persuasive techniques

every day to get the things we want by influencing others.
While it may seem like some people are born to charm their
way through life, persuading others with an enviable ease, the
whole shebang at its heart is a science something that anyone
can learn to master with enough practice. If youre looking to
brush up your persuasion skills, whether to get your foot in the
door at a business, sell a product, or even get a promotion, here
are some tricks and tips that can help give you that desirable
silver tongue. Backed up by loads of social science research,
these techniques are sure to give you an edge in any negotiation
or debate.

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1. Be the first to give

Reciprocity is a powerful force in our society and one that

can be used to sway others. Doing a favor for someone
you want to persuade can help to put them in your debt,
and may make them more willing to help you out in the
future. One study found that waiters who gave diners
mints before they placed the bill on the table got
consistently more tips than those who didnt.

2. Admit your weaknesses

When others see you as being more trustworthy, theyll be

much more likely to go along with what youre trying to
persuade them to do, whether its hire you or buy what
youre selling. It may sound counterintuitive, but studies
have confirmed the validity of admitting weakness. One
such study sent out identical resumes with different cover
letters, with one of the letters admitting a weakness. The
honest cover letter-resume combo received many more
call backs than the other which focused only on the
positives.

3. Highlight not only what others have to gain, but also

what they have to lose

Most people who are looking for a job highlight only what
employers have to gain by hiring them, but research
supports the importance of also pointing out what others
stand to lose in a deal. Potential losses actually create a
bigger impact than potential gains in the decision-making
process, so no matter what youre trying to convince
others to do, show both sides of the coin.

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4. Showcase the reactions of others

Humans are highly social animals, and we often make

decisions based on the actions and beliefs of others. For
instance, hotel guests are more likely to reuse their towels
if they are shown a message stating that many others are
already doing this, rather than one that promotes the
environmental aspects of reuse alone. For those in the
working world, testimonials and recommendations can be
powerful factors in helping others to make decisions.

5. Find common ground

Likeability is often a key factor in winning people over and

studies have shown time and again that one of the key
factors in influencing how much a person likes another is
how many similarities they share. So if youre seeking to
persuade, take time to find out about the other persons
interests and determine what common ground you two
may share.

6. Get a foot in the door

Sometimes effectively persuading someone comes in baby

steps, and getting them to stay yes to something small can
lead to a greater chance that theyll be on board with a
larger idea in the future. A study on this phenomenon
found that homeowners who agreed to place a small sign
in their windows asking drivers to slow down were much
more likely to agree to put a larger, more obtrusive sign in
their yards later on than those who were not asked to
display the smaller sign.

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7. Use previous opinions and behaviors

No one wants to be seen as inconsistent or a flip-flopper,

and you may be able to use this to your advantage when
trying to persuade. Highlight the past opinions and
behaviors of others to encourage them to behave in a way
thats consistent with those positions or actions. However,
if you want to get people to change from past behaviors,
reinforce that circumstances have changed and that its
natural to have different opinions in the present.

8. Smile

Youre not likely to influence anyone unless you have a

smile on your face, but that smile has to be authentic.
Humans are masters at detecting a fake smile. A genuine
smile makes you more likeable, trustworthy, and
ultimately more successful at convincing others.

9. Keep things simple

Want your writing and speech to be the most persuasive?

Keep it simple. Studies have shown that writing is much
more persuasive when penned at the eighth grade level,
even with those who are capable of understanding much
more complex language. Simplicity makes things easy to
understand and easy to remember, and is a highly effective
tool in getting your way.

10. Focus on the positive

Even if there are negative aspects of what youre trying to

persuade others to do, spinning these elements as positive
helps create a more overall positive view. Take this study
as an example. Researchers created three different ads,
one playing up a restaurants cozy atmosphere, one simply
advertising the restaurant but mentioning its lack of

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 parking spaces, and one combing both the cozy aspect and
the lack of parking. The third was the most positively
viewed, as the participants felt the lack of parking made
the restaurant even cozier.

11. Sandwich the preferred choice

When given a choice, people will most often choose the

middle-of-the-road option. If you want to influence
someone to choose what you want them to, sandwich your
choice between two more extreme choices. Chances are
good that theyll pick the middle option.

12. Employ because

One of the most powerful words in the persuasion arsenal

is because. Studies have shown that this simple word
can make almost any explanation seem rational. In one
study, a researcher experimented with jumping the line at
Kinkos. In one case, the researcher said, Can I jump the
line because Im in a rush? Ninety-four percent of people
complied. In another, the researcher asked Can I jump the
line because I need to make copies? Ninety-three percent
of people complied, despite the reason being the same as
everyone else who was waiting in line.

13. Talk face-to-face

No matter how tech-dependent we become, face time will

always trump e-mail or phone time when it comes to
persuasion. It builds personal relationships, trust, and
understanding in ways that take much longer to
accomplish over long-distance methods of
communication. One study found that people who met
face-to-face before being asked to come up with a solution
to a disagreement were five times as likely to come to a
resolution.

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14. Repeat yourself

When trying to persuade, saying things once sometimes

doesnt cut it. While you want to be concise, research
shows that youll be most persuasive when you repeat that
shorter message over time, in different ways.

15. Appeal to both logic and emotion

While we like to think that the decisions we make are

always logical, the reality is that even when we think
were being logical, much of our decision making is based
on emotion. Logical arguments are key to persuading
others, but you need to make your audience not only think,
but feel your message. The right balance will make you
infinitely more persuasive.

16. Make it pretty

Most people have pretty short attention spans when it

comes to listening to any kind of persuasive spiel. Thats
why it can be a big help to create visual aids to go along
with your presentation. Not only will it draw interest, but
help people understand and remember your ideas as well.

17. Showcase both sides

You might think that only focusing on the virtues of your

point of view would be the best way to bring someone
over to your side, but studies show that in actuality, people
opposed to an idea are much more likely to be persuaded
to an opposing position when they are presented with both
sides of an issue. For the best results, present both sides
and both pros and cons of your view.

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18. Tell stories
There is a reason that politicians tell stories about
everyday Americans theyve met on their travels. These
kinds of stories are relatable, make an idea or a concept
real, and build a rapport, helping sell any platform a
politician is running on. Borrow this tactic for your own
negotiations for much more persuasive speech.

19. Never underestimate confidence

Few things will sell an idea or a product better than
confidence. Help bolster your confidence by practicing
your pitch ahead of time and preparing for any questions
and concerns that could arise. More preparation often
means more confidence, and thus, better results.

20. Use personal touches

Adding a personal touch to something can often make
others more motivated to respond and agree to it. One
study showed that adding a simple handwritten sticky note
to a questionnaire made recipients twice as likely to
respond to it. So going the extra mile can really pay off
when it comes to persuasion.

21. Label people

Generally, labeling people isnt a good thing to do, but it
can be useful when youre trying to persuade, provided
you keep the labels positive. Labeling people into a social
group can actually increase participation, as one study
found. Those who were told they were more likely to vote
because they were labeled as politically active were
actually, after the study, 15% more likely to vote than
those who were not labeled. The same tactics may just
work with anything youre trying to sell or promote.

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22. Ask and validate
You can help improve the persuasiveness of your
conversation abilities by employing two tactics. First, ask
others about their own goals, beliefs, and desires. Try to
understand where they are coming from. Later, repeat this
point of view and validate it. This will make others much
more likely to listen to what you have to say, build trust,
and can be incredibly persuasive.

23. Use but wisely

In any statement using but, listeners tend to focus more
on what follows the key word instead of what precedes it.
Thats why its important to make the final part of any
but sentence the positive part, as thats what listeners
will remember.

24. Get commitments to be public, active, and voluntary

The most effective way to get people to follow through on
what theyve agreed to do after youve gone through all
that persuading? Make sure the commitment employs
these three elements. If nothing else, get commitment in
writing, as one study found participants nearly three times
as likely to show up when they were required to fill out a
form rather than just orally commit.

25. Employ authority

People are much more likely to go along with the advice
of an expert or an authority than the average layman.
Studies have shown that people are much more likely to
do something, even if theyre uncomfortable with it, if
theyre being encouraged to do so by an authority figure
or an expert.

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26. Give people an incentive

Want to motivate people to go your way? Give them an

incentive. Many dont realize the power that an incentive
can have, especially in business. Take this study for
example. Researchers advertised a new car wash with
incentive cards, one that gave a free wash after seven
visits and one that was free after ten, with three free
stamps on the card. Those who got the free stamps, despite
needing the same amount of paid washes, were much
more likely to come back.

27. Phrase things carefully and thoughtfully

Sometimes, a simple change in wording can make a

statement much more persuasive. Need an example?
Compare the old standard, Operators are waiting, please
call now, to If operators are busy, please call again.
One implies that the operators arent busy, while the other
implies a high demand for the product. Its all about
phrasing, and it can make a big difference in the success
or failure of your persuasive abilities.

28. Know your audience

Decisions are context dependent, so the tactics that work

in one situation may not work in another. You need to
tailor your technique to your audience by learning a bit
about their situation, needs, and desires. Do this wisely,
and youre much more likely to see success.

29. Mirror those you want to influence

While you dont want to outright copy someone else,

mirroring behavior and ideas of another person can help
you to see more likeable, trustworthy, and accessible. One
of the most common ways to do this is to adapt your

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 language, picking up on words, speeds, pitch and volume
of the other persons speech. It takes some practice, but
can help to build a strong rapport and ease persuasion.

30. Create scarcity or urgency

People are much more motivated to make a decision, and

often the one you want them to make, when they are given
the impression that they must act now if they want
something or that there is a chance that they might not get
what they want. Thats precisely why sales terms like
exclusive access or limited time are so effective.

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10 Ways To Be More Persuasive
by Stephen Mills

Everyone has a
message. Everyone
wants to be more
persuasive. Whether
you are an employee
working for someone
else, an owner of your
own business, a
student, a blogger,
etc. you need to be
heard. In that sense
we are all marketers.
The world is drowning in information and when you speak you
need to make sure your message gets results.

The following are 10 ways to be more persuasive. They are all

proven effective in controlled experiments.

1. Social Proof When the course of action is not clear,

people look to others for guidance (even though they will
deny that fact). Put more simply, people tend to do what
other people similar to them do. This behavior is
programmed into our genes and is well established.
Social proof is more influential when we are observing
others we perceive to be similar to us. So if you are
trying to sell someone on something, be it an idea or a
product, a powerful method is to show how others like
them have already bought into it.

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2. Mirroring People respect, like, and are most easily
influenced by people who they perceive to be similar to
themselves (see Social Proof above). So one way to
influence someone is to mirror them. Mirror their speech
and their actions. If you verbalize back to someone
something they have said and in the same words, you
instantly become more influential. The same thing
applies to posture and actions. If you want to influence
Mike, then you need to act like Mike. If he is leaning
back in his chair, then you would be wise to do the same.

3. Offer Few Choices People are paralyzed by choice

and if given too many options, will simply fail to choose
anything. So if you are offering up alternative products,
services, or ideas, be sure to limit the choices to only a
few. Two choices is often better than three.

4. Reciprocation Do someone a favor and they are more

likely to return it. There is an interesting twist to this.
People who do you a favor once are more likely do do
you another favor in the future. Once someone has done
you a favor, in their mind you become more important to
them; you must be worthy of their time. So get someone
to do you a small favor, and they are more likely to listen
to you or do you an even bigger favor in the future. The
best way to get them to do you a favor in the first place is
to do one for them.

5. Baby Steps We want to act consistent with our

previous actions. Further once we buy into something or
someone, we tend to become much more committed to it
or them. This is the foot-in-the-door technique. No
matter how small a step you can get someone to take as
far as agreeing with your idea, product, or service, those
small steps will lead to larger steps in the future. This
even works on yourself. Start small. Get your target to

29
 say yes to anything first, and then they will be much
more likely say yes to what your really after.

6. Labeling Marketers use this one on you all the time:

You seem like a smart person and smart people buy
X. Tell someone they are smart, sophisticated, thrifty, a
risk-taker, etc. and ask them to take an action consistent
with that label. There is a powerful inner drive to stay
consistent with what we have demonstrated in the past.
If someone labels us, we believe we have demonstrated
that trait (especially if it is positive).

7. Ask the Right Question Recently I was given a pitch

for a timeshare. All throughout the pitch, the agent was
asking me and my wife questions about what would we
do or what we would like to do. This was leading to the
final push on the actual sale. Before asking someone to
do something, get them to say they would do it or
something consistent with it. Get them to verbally
express an inclination or desire to do something. Then
when asked to do something consistent with what they
have previously expressed, they are much more likely to
agree.

8. Smile Smiles are powerful influencers. People like

people who smile. But your smile needs to be authentic.
Humans have a remarkable ability to detect false smiles
(its all in the eyes). So find something in the other
person that you can authentically appreciate and then
smile about it. In general, just practice looking on the
bright side of things and being happy. You will naturally
smile more and thus be more influential.

30
9. Keep it Simple I once read that studies showed the
most persuasive writing was written at an 8th grade level
of comprehension. This is true even among people who
were capable of comprehending much more complex
language. There is a convergence of data showing that
simple is better. Simple and easy to remember names
and ideas are the best. Resist the urge to show off your
knowledge and sophistication and instead K.I.S.S.
(Keep It Simple Stupid).

10. Scarcity and Exclusivity Making whatever you are

offering, including ideas, unique and thus scarce is a very
effective technique. People love and value what is
scarce. Think about a high-end Mercedes sedan. Part of
what makes it so desirable is the fact that it is rare; the
overwhelming majority of people cannot afford it. At
first glance scarcity might seem to be counter to the
social proof phenomenon described above, but in reality
they go together. When you buy the high-end Mercedes,
you are joining and exclusive club of rich and
sophisticated people who also value such quality and
sophistication in an automobile. They are people like
you. Mac owners are a small minority of computer
owners, but they also believe they are a group of
exclusive and sophisticated computer users. They know
better. So offer something unique, but package it in a
way that when people buy into it, they also are attracted
by the social proof of others.

If you liked this and are interested in more I suggest you check
out the very useful book:
Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive.

31
Negotiating
Negotiating to win
Jennifer Chatman
This involves pursuing your own (University of
interests to the exclusion of others: California, Berkeley)
I win: you lose! Persuading someone developed experiments
to do what you want them to do and in which she tried to
ignoring their interests: "keeping your find a point at which
cards hidden". Pressure selling flattery became
techniques involve this. ineffective. She found
out that there wasnt
Whilst you might get short term one!
gain, you will build up long term
resentment which can be very Of course, flattery
work based on round the
disruptive if you ever need to
with these people again. positive attributes and
deeds of other people is
Negotiating jointly much more likely to be
helpful and effective,
This involves coming to an and you will feel better
agreement where everyone about it too!
gets what they want,
reaching a mutually satisfactory agreement: win-win
You need to establish mutual trust, so it requires
honesty and integrity from both parties.
Both sides work together to come up with a
compromise solution to suit everyone's best interests.
Each party tries to see things from the other's
perspective.
Assertiveness is the best way here: being passive or
aggressive doesn't help.

32
A strategy for successful negotiations
Listen carefully to the arguments of the other party and
assess the logic of their reasoning
Clarify issues you are not clear about by asking how,
why, where, when and what questions.
List all the issues which are important to both sides and
identify the key issues. Identify any personal agendas.
Question generalizations and challenge assumptions.
Identify any areas of common ground.
Understand any outside forces that may be affecting
the problem.
Keep calm and use assertive rather than aggressive
behaviour. Use tact and diplomacy to diffuse tensions.
Remember :NO is a little word with big power!
Use both verbal and non-verbal persuasion skills. Use
open, encouraging body language such as mirroring, not
defensive or closed.
Know when to compromise. Offer concessions where
necessary, but minor ones at first.
Distinguish between needs: important points on which
you can't compromise
and interests where you can concede ground.
Allow the other party to save face if necessary via small
concessions.
Make sure there is an agreed deadline for resolution
Decide on a course of action and come to an
agreement.

33
 The final agreement needs to be summarized and
written down at the conclusion of the negotiations.
Plan for alternative outcomes if you can't reach
agreement.

BASIC SKILLS:
Use ideas persuasively
Keep the attention of others.
Explain the benefits of your argument.
Develop a line of reasoned argument
Put your points across clearly and concisely

Understand the concerns and needs of the person you are

dealing with

INTERMEDIATE SKILLS:
Gain support
Emphasise how costs and problems can be minimised
Handle objections.
Challenge the points of view expressed by others.

Get other people to support your views.

HIGH LEVEL SKILLS:

Develop strategies.
Use a range of approaches and strategies to gain
support for ideas.
Give an example of when your idea has been used
successfully in some other context.
Make concessions when required to reach agreement:
work for a win-win situation.

34
 Form long term relationships.

NEGATIVE STRATEGIES!
Negotiating to win (see above)
Gain power by undermining the position of others.
Don't show respect for others views. Put down their
ideas.
Impose your own views rather than reasoning with others

35
EXAMPLE ANSWERS FOR PERSUADING AND
NEGOTIATING QUESTIONS ON APPLICATION
FORMS AND AT INTERVIEWS

EVIDENCE YOU COULD GIVE FOR PERSUADING

SKILLS ON APPLICATIONS OR AT INTERVIEW
Arguing your case in a seminar
Getting club members to turn up for events!
Fund-raising for a local charity
Telesales job in the vacation

EVIDENCE YOU COULD GIVE FOR NEGOTIATION

SKILLS ON APPLICATIONS OR AT INTERVIEW
Negotiating the rent with your landlord
Negotiating the late handing in of essays
Resolving disputes on a staff-student liaison committee
Resolving an argument between friends

Describe a situation where you have had to NEGOTIATE a

solution to a challenging situation

CONTEXT
On arrival in Spain I was confronted with a completely different
organisational structure within the university. I was the first
man to go to Valencia from my university and my role there
was to test this new exchange programme and to negotiate the
terms for future exchanges. I found that the structure of the
courses were to the disadvantage of the Kent students and
would affect the overall result of the degree. As the
spokesperson for the UKC students I had to influence both sides
on reaching a new agreement.

36
ACTION
I explained the situation to the academic staff at UKC and
negotiated new terms for the exchange programme.

RESULT
Being the spokesperson of my university, I successfully
persuaded the administration in Seville to accept these
conditions during this period. I learned that it takes sometimes a
lot of time, effort and patience to achieve common agreements,
especially when two different cultural backgrounds are
involved.

How have you used your communication skills to

PERSUADE others to follow your lead?

CONTEXT
As a camp counsellor I was responsible for a hut housing a
group of ten children, helping the children settle in to the camp
and encouraging them to join in activities. The hardest part was
getting the children to keep the hut tidy and join in the daily
'household chores' session - a problem which I found was
shared by other counsellors.

ACTION
We decided to motivate the children by turning this session into
an inter-hut competition with a progress chart and prizes and
arranged for the camp director to carry out daily inspections. I
produced a wall chart to show the points awarded to each hut
and explained to the children how the points would be won and
lost.

RESULT
The competitive spirit transformed the children's attitude to
tidying up as each hut worked as a team to keep their
surroundings clean and tidy. There were no more problems with

37
children 'disappearing' at clear-up time & parents were amazed
to hear how involved their children had become in this activity.

Please describe a situation where you had to PERSUADE

someone to do something. How did you go about it? Were
you successful?

CONTEXT
Last year I was living off-campus in a student house with
friends. The place was quite old and did not have a functional
television aerial. I was in charge of liaising with our landlord. I
called him up to ask if he could fix it for us.

ACTION
He was reluctant to do so unless we paid but I persuaded him
finally by saying that it would be beneficial for him as it would
be easier to rent the house out for next year. Also, it would be
unfair on us to pay for an aerial that we would only use for
about nine months.

RESULT
I was successful with my persuasion and reason. The aerial was
fixed at no cost to us.

Source:
http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/sk/persuading.htm

38
 For more great
books and free
downloads

Check:

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Jaimelavie

39
Influencing and Social Media
Why is there so much discussion and confusion about
influence in social media?
The emphasis on influencer marketing in social media has
recently reached a fever pitch and with it a flood of tools and
opinions on how to navigate the influence waters. This is
interesting in that one of the most powerful aspects of social
media marketing is the ability to establish connections and
relationships directly with prospects and customers and not
have to go through an intermediary to communicate. But well
leave that to the social strategists to reconcile and justify.
Influencer marketing is hardly a new strategy. Through the
years, much work in traditional public relations utilized
influencer targeting (e.g. market analysts, financial analysts,
KOLs, other customers) to help amplify and endorse a brand or
a companys products and services. So why is there so much
discussion and confusion about influence in social media? Lets
explore.
Influence Basics
A definition I like for
influence is: effecting
change in another persons
attitudes, opinions, beliefs
and/or behavior. I believe
the most overlooked word
in this definition is change.
Without change influence
has not truly occurred. One
challenge here is influence
can happen without any resulting short-term observable action.
Influence takes hold primarily between the ears, not necessarily
with hand on mouse or wallet. This creates fundamental

40
challenges when trying to measure the degree to which
influence has occurred.
Another challenge we face is that influence is contextual not
absolute. People who influence others do so primarily in areas
where they have specific expertise or authority. It is common to
be influential in one area but have little or no influence in
others. One of the main issues with current influence tools are
they do a relatively poor job of establishing contextual
relevance.
The distinction between creating influence within a target
audience and who/what has influence over the target has a
tendency to get muddled. To clarify, determining who has the
potential to influence the target audience, (the influencers), is a
targeting question. Have we created influence, (changed
attitudes, opinions, beliefs and/or behavior) is a measurement
question.
Influence is purposeful. In real life or digital life, when we set
out to change the opinion, attitude, beliefs or behavior of
another person or group, we do so with a downstream
motivation for them to take a specific action. The list of
possible actions is lengthy buy a product, visit a website, tell a
friend, vote, wave a sign and donate to name a few. Of course,
not all desired actions are equal in terms of amount of influence
required for change. Opinions might be easier to change than an
attitude. An attitude is easier to change than a belief. Behavioral
change can range from relatively easy to nearly impossible
depending on the specific behavior. In marketing, the ultimate
behavior or action we try to influence is purchase behavior. It is
important to think through the specific actions you hope the
target will take as a result of being influenced. This is also the
sweet spot for influence measurement.
While creating an action/behavior change is the ultimate reason
for influencing someone, it is helpful to think of the process of
influence as two stages opinion, attitude or belief change

41
and then, because of this change, did an action occur or was a
behavior changed. Stated another way, the opinion change is an
intermediate or micro outcome and the desired action is a final
or macro outcome. Depending on the type of purchase decision
there may be a time lag between the micro and macro outcomes
that make it difficult to connect the dots. In his book The
Business of Influence, Philip Sheldrake presents a concept
called the Maturity of Influence Approach. Basically it melds
two important concepts to use when thinking about influence
measurement focus on the influence, not the influencer (Philip
refers to this as influence-centric), and to start at the macro
outcome/action and trace the path of influence back to the
source(s) of influence. One simple example of this in a B2B
context would be to ask the prospect at the time they are ready
to make a purchase, what sources of information or opinion
were most valuable to you in making your decision to buy our
product? A similar question or two can be asked using a pop-
up survey in an ecommerce situation.
Influence and Engagement Confusion
A primary source of influence confusion is failing to distinguish
between a simple act of engagement and the process of being
influenced. If someone in my Twitter stream sends out a tweet
and I retweet it, have they influenced me to retweet or have I
simply engaged with that individuals content? Many who have
written about social media influence have suggested that in
RTing the tweet, I have been influenced to do so. I do not
believe that is the case. I have engaged with the content, but
have there been any true changes in my attitudes, opinions,
beliefs or behavior? Again, the operative word here is change.
Does the act of RTing constitute a behavioral change? Probably
not. Engagement yes, influence - no.
Engagement is a necessary pre-condition to Influence. (This
social media measurement model addresses the distinction)
Without engagement you dont have the opportunity to

42
influence. Influence, however, only occurs if that engagement
leads to a change in attitudes, opinions, beliefs and behavior.
Influence, Popularity and Celebrity Confusion
There also seems to be some confusion about the difference
between influence, popularity and celebrity. Although related,
and in some cases overlapping, they are three distinct concepts.
In my opinion, at least some of the confusion stems from Klout
and other influencer tools that seem to measure popularity but
call it influence. So what is the difference?
Popularity is the state of being popular widely admired,
accepted or sought after.
Celebrity is a famous person, renown and fame.
If popularity is about being well-liked and celebrity is about
being well-known, influence is more about being well-
respected, with associations like knowledge, persuasion and
trust. Some of the confusion lies in the fact that some celebrities
do have influence over the types of behaviors that make the
cash register ring. Oprah comes to mind. Other celebrities,
while very popular, dont really have the ability to create
meaningful influence. They can get content re-tweeted
(WINNING!) but do they have any influence over the types of
actions brands really value?
Keeping Online Influence in Perspective
As we discuss the intricacies of digital influence we should also
keep in mind the majority of influence occurs in the analog
world. Ive seen estimates ranging from 70 90% of influence
occurring by offline WOM. Its personal. Its about real family
and friends and not Twitter friends. Influence is about a
relatively small number of people (Dunbars Number suggests
humans have a finite cognitive capacity to have around 150
social relationships with other humans), and not mass influence.
The fact that most influence happens offline presents another
significant measurement challenge.

43
In summary, Ill leave you with a few sound bites on social
media influence:
o Influence is about change
o Engagement leads to influence
o One can be popular but not influential
o Measure the influence not the influencer
o Dont forget offline when measuring online influence.

Source

http://metricsman.wordpress.com/tag/social-media-metrics/

MetricsMan is the personal blog of Don Bartholomew, SVP

Digital and Social Media Research at Ketchum. Everything
posted on this blog is his personal opinion and does not
necessarily represent the views of Ketchum or its clients.

44
3 simple things to remember about being
influential on social media
By Anton Koekemoer
Millions of updates are shared on social media every day and
years worth of content is spread along with it. When we log in
to Twitter we are greeted with Whats happening? On
Facebook its with Whats going on? Social media demands
content from us and is driven by user-generated content, but it
adds a lot of noise across the social media channels we are
using and on the social web.
Some organisations sport hundreds of followers and unique
visitors to their blog every month while others have thousands
of followers and generate so much more unique traffic. Which
one has more influence? Of course you will think that the
organization with a larger audience has more influence, and in
some cases, you might be correct. But, digital influence goes so
much further than the number of people following you or the
traffic you are generating to your blog.

45
Influence is not popularity
Having many likes on Facebook and followers on Twitter
doesnt make you influential. Many celebrities have thousands
of followers on Twitter and other social media channels, but if
you are selling portable toilets to construction companies,
tweeting about a celebrity would really offer little more than
just a ripple of brand awareness. Influence only happens when
the influencer and their target audience are aligned, making
exchanges relevant and useful.

Influence is about the topic

No matter how you look at it, influence has everything to do
with the topic being talked about and the follow-up action that
is generated. Is the conversation relevant and meaningful to the
audience being targeted? Does the conversation spark them to
take any action?
If you are selling kitchen accessories, having celebrities
(especially the well known chefs) tweet about how they are
using your products can significantly boost the awareness of
your business. A highly relevant audience together with a clear
action to take makes for a success story and an increased online
influence.

Target your audience

If you find something that works in one of the social media
channels that you are using, it doesnt necessarily mean that it
will work on your other profiles as well. Some people have built
up huge amounts of likes on Facebook, but are far less
focused on Twitter. Others are only focusing on building a
community around their blog and not worried about any social
networks. It all depends on where your target audience spends
their time online.

46
Whether you are an individual interested in building your
digital influence or a business looking to build up brand
advocates, influence is so much more than just a numbers game
and a Klout score. Examine your followers, likes, and blog
comments. How connected are you with your target audience?
If you only have 500 followers, you may be more influential
than you initially thought.
Source
http://memeburn.com/2013/02/3-simple-things-to-remember-
about-being-influential-on-social-media/

Available at:
http://www.lulu/com/spotlight/Jaimelavie

47
MTD Training Influencing and
Persuasion

Influencing and Persuation Skills

@ 2010 MTD Training & Ventus Publishing ApS
ISBN 978-87-7681-688-9
Free download available at www.BookBooN.com

Preface
Being able to influence and persuade others to get them to do
what you want them to do is a key skill not only in business but
in life as a whole!

We only achieve real results through others and that takes

effective communication skills.

In this textbook you'll will learn the key skills and the techniques
so you can win people around to your
ideas, influence others on certain decisions and persuade them to
take certain a certain course of action all by the way that you
communicate with them!

Sean McPheat, the Founder and Managing Director of

management development specialists, MTD Training is the
author of this publication. Sean has been featured on CNN,
BBC, ITV, on numerous radio stations and has contributed to
many newspapers. He's been featured in over 250 different
publications as a thought leader within the management
development and training industry.

48
Contents
Preface
1. Introduction
1.1 Influence and Persuasion Are Forms of Communication
1.2 Manipulation vs. Influence and Persuasion
1.3 Establishing Rapport as a Means to Influence and Persuasion

2. Review of Communication Basics

2.1 Introduction
2.2 The Communication Process

3. Using Another's Communication Preferences to

Influence and Persuade
3.1 Introduction
3.2 Types of Input
3.3 Filters
3.4 The Internal Map, Internal State, and Behaviour or
Response
3.5 Verbal Clues
3.6 Visual Representation System
3.7 Auditory Representational System
3.8 Kinaesthetic Representational System
3.9 Auditory Digital Representational System
3.10 Eye Movements as an Indication
3.11 Phrases for Use in Response to Each
Representational System

4. Techniques for Building Rapport

4.1 Introduction
4.2 Six Steps to Building Rapport
4.3 Calibration

49
5. Linguistic Tools for Influence and Persuasion
5.1 Introduction
5.2 Reframing
5.3 More Linguistic Tools

6. Framework Theories for Applying Persuasion and

Influence Techniques
6.1 Introduction
6.2 Rank's Intensify and Downplay Model
6.3 Monroe's Motivated Sequence of Persuasion Steps
6.4 The Integrity Principle

7. Influence and Persuasion in Sales

7.1 Establishing a Basis for Persuasion in Sales
7.2 Persuasion During Negotiations
7.3 Adopt the Correct Attitude
7.4 Know Your Ultimate Conditions

449
1. Introduction
1.1 Influencing and Persuasion Are Forms of
Communication
All human interactions are a form of communication. In the business
world, nothing can be achieved without effectively communicating with,
influencing, and persuading employers, employees, clients, suppliers, and
customers. If you look at the most successful business people in the
world, you will see people who have mastered the art of influence and
persuasion. And that's the difference between being a good communicator
and being an advanced communicator - people with advanced
communication skills understand not just how to communicate with
others, but also how to influence and persuade them. It requires practice,
finesse, and a skill set that goes beyond those that the average person
possesses.

Even though these skills are so important to success in the workplace,

there are many individuals who find that there is a limit to their
persuasion and influence skills and that they seem to have reached a
stumbling block in their progress. They may sometimes struggle to
convey their thoughts and ideas in an accurate manner, or they may be
unable to understand what the other person is thinking or feeling and why
they might be resisting the attempts to persuade or influence them.

Some people might try to persuade and influence by being abrasive or

aggressive. They may get agreement from time to time, but there will be
underlying, perhaps passive disagreement that affects the team. True
persuasion and influence means that you are able to convince others of the
merit of your ideas without needing to bully or disrespect others. Instead,
you learn to understand what a particular person needs to hear, believe, or
see in order to be persuaded. Then you are able to deliver the missing
information or communication in the way that the other person is actually
able to hear it.
This is why persuasion and influence are actually forms of advanced
communication. They require that you as a communicator stop thinking
about what you want to say or how you want to say it, and that you
instead figure out what the other person needs to hear. It requires that you
are self-aware enough to recognize when you are doing what feels most
comfortable for you rather than what will produce the results that you are
want. And it requires that you are calm and confident enough to keep
trying to identify what it is that the other person needs to hear from you -
even when it seems that you don't have a chance of getting the other
person to your side. In this eBook, we'll examine methods you can use to
enhance your communication skills so that you are able to successfully
influence and persuade others.

1.2 Manipulation vs. Influence and Persuasion

Some people are uncomfortable with the concepts of influence and
persuasion because they feel that they are manipulating others in some
way. However, they are thinking of the negative connotation of
manipulation. At its root, to manipulate something means that you are
able to change or alter it in some way by choice. But to manipulate is a
negative process if the intention behind the effort you are exerting is one
that is selfish or harmful in some way.

In the sense that we will be discussing influence and persuasion, we will

be assuming that the intentions behind the effort you exert are positive.
They are designed to help the individual, the team, the company, or the
clients that you are communicating with. For example, you might be
dealing with an employee who has a negative behaviour. If you want to
influence the employee or somehow persuade them to alter their attitude
or behaviour, you need to be very clear on why you want their behaviour
to change. If it is only because you find their behaviour annoying, then
your personal reasons aren't going to lead to positive influence. However,
if you have a clear understanding of how their behaviour and actions are
affecting you as a manager, your team's ability to perform, or the client's

51
experience with the organization, then you have a positive foundation for
being able to communicate this to your employee.

1.3 Establishing Rapport as a Means to Influence and

Persuasion
Rapport is an important concept in the business world. It's behind most
relationships that you will have with bosses, subordinates, suppliers,
partners, and clients. Rapport means that you establish a level of
relationship with someone so that you feel comfortable working with the
other person. More importantly for our topic, rapport is essential for
influence and persuasion.

Think about it a moment. Are more you likely to be persuaded by

someone that you don't like or someone that you do like. How about
someone that you know versus someone you don't know? The fact is that
as human beings, we find comfort in relationships. When we need to
make a decision, such as whether or not to agree with someone else, we
will be more likely to agree with someone with whom we have an
established relationship. We prefer the known to the unknown, even if the
known isn't necessarily our favourite person in the world. Rapport doesn't
mean that you have to consider the other person a friend. But it does mean
that you:
* Feel comfortable communicating with the other person
* Get a sense that you have shared goals, values, or desired outcomes
* Have trust that the person is somewhat reliable and honest based on past
dealings with the person or the person's reputation
* Feel that you are being heard by the other person
* Treat the other person with respect (and receive the same in return)

After reviewing the foundation of persuasion and influence -

communication skills - we will spend the majority of this eBook exploring
methods of establishing rapport as a way to influence others. We will also
examine some persuasion theories to understand why we might be
persuaded by another person and just as importantly, why we may not
be persuaded by them. You will learn techniques that will immediately
make you a better communicator, better at building rapport with others,
and thereby better at persuading and influencing others.
52
2. Review of Communication Basics
2.1 Introduction
Imagine you are on one side of a wall and the person you want to
communicate with is on the other side of the wall. But there's more than
the wall in the way. The wall is surrounded by a moat that is filled with
crocodiles and edged by quicksand. These barriers could be things like
different cultures, different expectations, different experiences, different
perspectives, or different communication styles, to name just a few.

You might experience only one of these barriers at a time, or you might
find yourself facing them all. Persuading and influencing the other person
requires that you recognize these barriers exist between you, and that you
then apply the proper tools, or communication skills, to remove those
barriers preventing your message from getting through.

Of course, communication is a two-way street. The person on the other

side of those barriers will also try to send messages back to you. Your
ability to understand them clearly could be left to a dependence on their
ability to use communication skills. But that's leaving the success of the
communication to chance. Instead, you can also use your own
communication skills to ensure that you receive messages clearly as well.

Finally, there isn't only one point in your communication with another
person at which you have to watch out for barriers. To be successful at
influence and persuasion, it's important to recognize that these barriers to
communication can occur at multiple points in the communication
process.

2.2 The Communication Process

The communication process involves multiple parts and stages. These are:
* Source
* Message
* Encoding
53
* Channel
* Decoding
* Receiver
* Feedback
* Context
At each of these stages, there is the potential for barriers to be formed or
problems to arise. The steps in the process are represented in the Figure
below and explained further in the following information

The communication process

54
2.2.1 Source
The source of the communication is the sender, or for our purposes, you.
In order to be a good source, you need to be clear about the message that
you are sending. Do you know exactly what it is that you want to
persuade the other person to do? You'll also want to be sure you know
why it is that you are communicating. What result is it that you expect? If
you cannot answer these questions, you will be starting the
communication process with a high chance of failure.

2.2.2 Message
The message is simply the information that you want to communicate to
the other person. In the case of persuading or influencing another, it is the
information that you feel will make your case to the other person. Without
a message, there is no cause for communicating. If you cannot summarize
the information that you need to share, you aren't ready to begin the
process of influencing or persuading another.

2.2.3 Encoding
Encoding is the process of taking your message and transferring it into a
format that can be shared with another party. It's sort of like how
messages are sent via a fax. The information on the paper has to be
encoded, or prepared, before it can be sent to the other party. It has to be
sent in a format that the other party has the ability to decode or the
message will not be delivered.

55
In order to encode a message properly, you have to think about what the
other person will need in order to understand, or decode, the message. Are
you sharing all the information that is necessary to get the full picture?
Have you made assumptions that may not be correct? Are you using the
best form of sending it in order to ensure the best chance of the message
being properly received? Are there cultural, environmental, or language
differences between you and the other party that could cause
miscommunication?

Of course, to encode a message properly, you have to know who your

audience is. You need to have an understanding of what they know and
what they need to know in order to send a complete message. You need to
use language they will understand and a context that is familiar. One
simple example of how you can do this is being sure to spell out
acronyms. We sometimes forget that not everyone is familiar with the
acronyms that we may use on a regular basis. Attention to small details
like this can establish the rapport that will lead to persuasion and
influence.

2.2.4 Channel
The channel is the method or methods that you use to convey your
message. The type of message you have will help to determine the
channel that you should use. Channels include face-to-face conversations,
telephone calls or videoconferences, and written communication like
emails and memos.

Each channel has its advantages and disadvantages, but it is possible to

establish rapport with the other person by using any of these channels.
However, since communication is mostly a non-verbal information
exchange, you are able to employ more techniques to influence and
persuade another person if you do it in a face-to-face meeting. That way
you have all of your communication methods available to you - words,
body language, tone of voice, and more.

56
2.2.5 Decoding
Decoding happens when you receive the message that has been sent. The
communication skills required to decode a message successfully include
the ability to read and comprehend, listen actively, or ask clarifying
questions when needed.

This is where most people will fail to persuade or influence another

person. They will not understand how the other person decodes
information. Everyone is used to communicating in their own way - we do
what is comfortable for us. For example, maybe }prefer to email you. But
you would actually be better able to decode my message if we were face-
to-face. So I need to pay attention to how you prefer to decode
information if I am going to be successful at persuading you or
influencing you. I need to then deliver my information to you in the
method that you prefer so that your ability to decode the information is
not a barrier to persuasion.

2.2.6 Receiver
Since you have thought out your message, you've certainly also thought
about what you want the desired result to be on the part of your listener.
But it's important to realize that each person that receives your message
will be listening to it through their own individual expectations, opinions,
and perspectives. Their individual experiences will influence how your
message is received.

If you are attempting to influence or persuade an entire group, you won't

always be able to address each person's individual concerns in a message.
But you should know who the key decision makers are that you need to
persuade, and address your message in a way that is most likely to appeal
57
to them.

Part of planning a message when you want to persuade the other person is
that you think ahead of time about what some of their thoughts or
experiences might be. For example, if you are releasing a new product and
want to persuade customers to try it, you would want to be certain to
address the specific benefits to the customer, or what improvements have
been made since the last version was released.

2.2.7 Feedback
No matter what channel you have used to convey your message, you can
use feedback to help determine how successful your communication was.
If you are face-to-face with your audience, you can read body language
and ask questions to ensure that you have been successful in persuading or
influencing them. If you have communicated via writing, you can gauge
the success of your communication by the response that you get or by
seeing if the result you wanted is delivered.

In any case, feedback is invaluable for helping you to improve your

persuasion and influencing skills. You can learn what worked well and
what didn't so that you can be even more efficient the next time you
communicate with that person or the next time you need to try to
influence or persuade them.

2.2.8 Context
The context is the situation in which you are communicating. It involves
the environment that you are in and that in which your audience is in, the
culture of your organization(s), and elements such as the relationship
between you and your audience. Your persuasion and influencing process
will not look the same when you are communicating with your boss as it
will when you are communicating with a friend. The context helps
determine the tone and style of your communication.

58
3. Using Another's Communication
Preferences to Influence and Persuade
3.1 Introduction
In the last chapter, we examined the stages of communication, which is
the basis for persuading or

influencing another. In this chapter, we'll look further at what the actual
mechanisms of communication include and how you can use that
information to improve your ability to persuade others. We'll look at the
communication process again from the standpoint of how your message is
formed in your brain, how it is received in the other person's brain, and
what happens in between these stages. We'll look at the ways that our own
experiences have impacted our ability to influence others and we'll look
for ways to identify the challenges that another's experiences might
provide to our ability to influence them as well. The process we'll be
examining is shown in the figure below:

This figure shows us that communication starts with input - what I say to
you, or the email I send to you, or you see the angry look on my face. You
interpret that input through filters that are made up of your experiences,
history, prejudices, and more. That interpretation creates what we call an
internal map' of meaning. It's made up of the pictures you see in your
mind. The map is how your brain processes and makes sense of the
filtered input.

If it recognizes the input, as in, if you've seen me make that face before,
you are able to easily map out what is happening. You would probably
start picturing me yelling at you, or sensing how you are about to feel.
That map generates a state of being within your mind. You might
suddenly be in a state of mind such as anger, fear, resistance, or any other
emotion and associated thoughts. That state of being will then lead to your
behaviour and your response to me. Will you scowl back at me? Ask
what's wrong? Run away?

My ability to persuade you relies upon my ability to predict and influence

this process based on what I know about you and how you tend to think
and process information.

59
3.2 Types of Input
The brain is constantly bombarded by input. Some of it we process
consciously, such as when we read a book or listen to another person. And
some of it we process unconsciously, without thinking about it in order to
do so. Still other information our brain won't process simply because it is
not important or it would result in information overload. Imagine sitting in
60
a crowd of I ,000 people and trying to hear everything they are saying.
Notice that it's impossible to understand and process everything that
you're seeing and hearing. Now try listening just to one person standing
near you. As long as you can hear their voice, you can understand and
process the information.

The brain receives this information in the form of input through five main
channels that are represented by the five senses:
* Visual - what we see
* Auditory - what we hear
* Kinaesthetic - what we feel, touch, sense, or experience
* Gustatory - what we taste
* Olfactory - what we smell
In business communications, the chances are good that you will not be
using the latter two senses. They might be used if you produce food or
beverages, or your olfactory sense could be used if you make perfume or
to alert you to danger such as a fire. But in general, you will be
communicating in the workplace with the first three types of input:
Visual, Auditory, and Kinaesthetic. These three are often referred to as
VAK for simplicity's sake.

3.3 Filters
Our mental filters are just what they sound like - filters our brain uses to
process input. As our brain receives information, the intended meaning of
that information may be changed by our filters so that the result is not the
same as the original intention. The way we will interpret the information
is dependent on our own personal filters. Everyone has different filters
that will affect how the input reaches the brain. But these filters will cause
your brain to do one of three things:

61
* Delete

This information will not be processed because it is filtered out as

unimportant or not acceptable.

* Distort

Most filters will distort information so that the meaning the receiver
applies to the input is not the same meaning that input would have for a
different receiver. The meaning is shaded, changed, or added to by our
filters.

* Generalize

In this case, our filters identify input as being similar to something we've
experienced before. The brain then applies the same meaning to this input
as it did the last time. The danger with this type of filter is that the
meaning of the input may actually be very different.

Our filters come from a number of different sources that comprise the
total sum of our experiences. As we learn about and make decisions about
the world, we come to expect there to be certain patterns that will occur
and that causes will lead to effects. Some things that act as filters as we
process information include
* Values
* Beliefs
* Past Experiences
* Prejudices
* Feelings
* Environment

3.4 The Internal Map, Internal State, and Behavior or

Response
Now that the input has been filtered, it will be processed by the brain in
order to gain meaning from it. This process is called creating an internal
_map.' It's as if your brain dissects and organizes the
62
information into a pattern or a picture that it can make sense of. If it sees a
pattern that it recognizes, it will automatically apply meaning to the input
based on that existing pattern. If it doesn't recognize the input or the
pattern, it will create a new map and apply the most likely meaning based
on past experience of similar input. Of course, this all happens in a
fraction of a second.

Whatever meaning the brain maps out for the input, it creates an internal
state of being. You can imagine this very easily if you think about the last
time you heard some bad news. You processed the input in a way that you
understood that the meaning was negative, which led to an internal state
of being such that you might have started to feel angry or sad or
displeased. You might have even physically felt a response to the
meaning, such as a tightening of the chest or a quickening of the pulse.

Finally, this leads to your behaviour or response to the input. In our

example of hearing bad news, you would respond with sympathy,
empathy, fear, or anger. You might cry or yell. Your brain searches for
the words to describe what you want to say in return. Whatever that
internal state is that is created will determine how you behave and respond
to the input you receive. In other words, the input you received, filtered,
and interpreted will determine what and how you give back in response.
Understanding this process - and learning how to affect it - is the key to
being able to influence or persuade another!

How can you determine a person's preferred sensory

channel for receiving input?
If you are paying attention, the person will give you clues through their
language and through their behaviour. We'11 look at both verbal and
nonverbal clues.

63
3.5 Verbal Clues
As we said, the preferred channel for receiving input is not static - it can
change from time to time and depending on what kind of input is being
received.

For example: We don't see music first - we hear it. - We are talking
on the phone, we are using our auditory channel even if we have a general
preference for the visual channel.

So how can we determine which channel the person is using during our
communication with them?

One way is to listen to the verbal clues they are giving us. The words that
someone is using give you an indication as to which type of mode' they
are in - visual, auditory, or kinaesthetic. - Or, they may use language that
doesn't clearly indicate which mode they are in, which we refer to as
unspecified.'

Take a look at the figure below to get an idea of some of the common
verbal language that people will use when they are in each form of
internal representational thinking. If you respond using similar language,
it is a signal to the other person that you are thinking similarly - that you
are on the same wavelength' as they are. This helps to establish rapport,
which in turn will make your efforts to influence or persuade another
more successful.

64
You can see that the verbs that indicate action correspond to the way in
which the person is perceiving that action.

65
Some additional phrases that a person might use in each mode of thinking
are shown below:

Now that you have a general understanding of how the words a person
uses may indicate the mode in which they are currently thinking, let's take
a look at each mode in further detail. As you learn to identify and
66
recognize the information that others are giving you in their actions, you
will get better and better at responding in kind.

3.6 Visual Representation System

The visual representation system involves the process used to translate
communication into pictures in the mind. You can determine whether a
person tends to prefer this form of communication by identifying certain
behavioural cues.

These people:
Stand or sit with their heads and/or bodies erect, with their eyes up.
Are breathing from the top of their lungs and their upper shoulders
and breathe fairly rapidly.
Often sit forward in their chair and tend to be organized, neat, well
groomed and orderly appearance is important to them.
Memorize by seeing pictures, and are less distracted by noise.
Often have trouble remembering verbal instructions because their
minds tend to wander.
Are fast talkers.
Feel that a picture is worth a thousand words'
Use picture descriptions during conversation.
Are interested in how things look.
Must see things to understand them.
Like visually based feedback.
Use gestures that may be high & quick.

3.7 Auditory Representational System

Those with a preference for an auditory representational system tend to
prefer to translate communication into sound. Indications that you have
someone who prefers this system are that they:
Will move their eyes sideways.
Breathe from the middle of their chest.
Typically talk to themselves and some even move their lips when
they talk to themselves.
Are easily distracted by noise.
Can repeat things back to you easily.
67
 Learn by listening.
Usually like music and talking on the phone.
Memorize by steps, procedures, and sequences.
Like to be TOLD how they're doing.
Respond to a certain tone of voice or set of words.
Will be interested in what you have to say about a topic.
Are medium to fast talkers.
Translate conversation to sounds associated with the topic.
Are excellent at repeating back instructions.

3.8 Kinaesthetic Representational System

Those that prefer a kinaesthetic representational system check the input
they receive in communication against what they are feeling. Some
indications that you are communicating with someone who prefers this
system are:
They breathe from the bottom of their lungs, so you'll see their
stomach go in and out when they breathe.
They often move and talk very slowly.
They respond to physical rewards and touching.
They also stand closer to people than a visual person does.
They memorize by doing or walking through something.
They will be interested in your idea if it "feels right."
They check out their feelings prior to expressing their thoughts.
They are very physical people and like to touch during conversation.
They like to walk through something before doing it.
They use gestures that are low and smooth.

3.9 Auditory Digital Representational System

Finally, we can't forget about the representational system that we all use at
some time checking communication internally by talking to ourselves.
People who are functioning in this system will exhibit some indications as
well, such as:
Spending a fair amount of time talking to themselves.
Wanting to know if your idea "makes sense."
Speaking in a clipped, crisp monotone.
Breathing patterns like a person who prefers auditory, higher up in
68
 the chest.
Dissociated from feelings.
The auditory digital person can exhibit characteristics of the other
major representational systems.

3.10 Eye Movements as an Indication

In the late seventies and early eighties researchers discovered that people
move their eyes in a certain way when they think. Students were asked a
series of questions and the researchers noticed that their eye movements,
when thinking, followed a structured pattern. They realized that by
looking at someone's eyes, you could tell how they think, at least how
they are thinking at the moment. The figure below demonstrates that you
can tell the way they are constructing their thoughts by watching their
eyes. Imagine you are facing the person in the figure to understand the
directions of the eye movement.

Figure : Eye Movements as Indicators

The basic guideline is that when:

* People are looking up - They are visualizing
* People look horizontally to the left and right - They are remembering or
constructing sounds
* People look down and to their left - They are talking to themselves
* People look down and to the right - They are accessing their feelings.

69
3.11 Phrases for Use in Response to Each
Representational System
Once you have identified the representational system that the person is
using to communicate to you, you can use that information in determining
how you want to respond to the other person. The more you can respond
in the system that the person prefers or is using at the time, the more you
are subtly building rapport with them, and the more likely they are to be
persuaded by you. Following are some examples of how you might use
this information in responding to someone you've identified as using each
representational system.

VISUAL

Sample sentences:
If I could show you an attractive way in which you could have
whatever you want, you would at least want to look at it, wouldnt
you?
If this looks good to you we will go ahead and focus on getting the
paperwork done.
Other phrases to use:
* It looks to me like.
* It appears that.
* Show me what you mean.
* Picture this.
* Let's focus on.

AUDITORY

Sample sentences:
If I could tell you a way in which you could have whatever you
want, you would at least want to hear about it, wouldn't you?
If this sounds good to you we will go ahead and discuss how to set
up an account.
Other phrases to use:
70
* I hear what you are saying, and it sounds to me like
* Let's make it loud and clear what we mean.
* What you're saying rings true
* Tell me more about that.

KINAESTHETIC

Sample sentences:
If I could help you get hold of a concrete way in which you know
you could have whatever you want, you would at least want to get
a feel for it, wouldn't you?
If this feels good to you we will go ahead and set up an account by
handling the paperwork.
Other phrases to use:
* I think you're getting a handle on it. . .
* We need to stress the pressure we're under. . .
* Once we get a grip on these numbers you'll be in good hands. . .

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4. Techniques for Building
Rapport
4.1 Introduction
Weve already talked about how communication methods can help build
rapport. Now lets look at some more techniques to help you affect the
other persons feeling about you which in turn will help you persuade
them. Rapport has been defined as "unconscious sameness." When you
feel that instant connection with someone, it is because you find that they
are like you in certain ways. These ways can be quite superficial, e.g.
posture and voice tone, or very deep, sharing beliefs and values. Rapport
is the ultimate tool for producing the results you want with other people
and thus it is vital for influence and persuasion.

4.2 Six Steps to Building Rapport

Whether you know the person or not, there are six main steps to
establishing rapport with anyone.

Figure : Six Steps to Building Rapport

When you bear in mind that as much as

93% of all communication is down to the
tonality of your voice and your body
language, building rapport is far more
than just talking about common
experiences. Its an important point to
remember that people are more readily
influenced and persuaded by people they
like. And people like people when they
are similar to themselves. When they
dont see any similarity, it so much more
difficult to have any sort of relationship
with that person - never mind to influence
or persuade them! Lets now look at each
of the six steps to building rapport.

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4.2.1 Match the Persons Sensory Modality
To match a persons sensory modality means taking all of the information
you learned in chapter 3 and putting it into use. You will want to listen for
the indicator words and eye movements that were covered and then
respond in a similar way.

4.2.2 Mirror the Persons Physiology

Since so much of our communication is non-verbal, we receive the
majority of our information from another person through the subconscious
messages they are sending with their physiology or body language. This is
a great reason to understand body language because you can use it to send
the message to the other person that you are on the same wavelength as
they are. Mirroring others is very natural we actually often do it
subconsciously and automatically when we feel rapport with someone.

Body language is a useful tool that you can learn to use.

You can mimic anothers body language when you want to build
rapport with them.

You can use a persons body language to gauge how well your
attempts to

persuade or influence are going. Are you doing well or is there

something you need to change?

To see this, next time you are in a conversation that you are enjoying or
with whom it is important to you to make a good impression, notice their
body language. Now notice yours. Chances are, you have subconsciously
mimicked their body language. If they lean forward, you lean forward. If
they cross one foot over their knee, you do the same. This is our automatic
response to someone that we want to establish a positive connection with
and its one you can use to enhance your rapport with someone.

73
When you are in a situation where you want to convey rapport with
another person, you can intentionally mirror their body language. If you
are standing in the hallway and they lean to one side, mirror their action.
If they sit back and relax, do the same. You are sending subconscious
signals that you are on their side, which is paving the path to persuasion.

You can also use this tool to gauge whether or not others are being
persuaded by what you are saying. Are they using words that express
agreement, but sitting all wound up with crossed arms and legs? Unless
they just happen to be cold, chances are that there is some matter still
unresolved in their mind. You may have persuaded them at a superficial
level, but they arent yet entirely convinced. You can use this signal as
information to you that you still need to do some explaining or ask some
additional questions.

4.2.3 Match the Persons Voice

You can also match the tone of voice and the speed at which a person
talks. For example, if they are a fast talker, try to speak faster yourself. If
they happen to speak slowly, watch your own pace and slow it down.

Also be sure that you dont let their slow speaking aggravate you, a sure
way to damage your rapport! If you are communicating with a person who
has an accent that is different than yours, also be careful that you dont
unconsciously mimic their accent. This can be seen as offensive. You will
know that you are being effective at influencing the other person if they
begin to match your voice.

4.2.4 Match the Persons Breathing

Sure, we each have a different rate and depth of breathing when we are
not thinking about it. If you are rather fit and the person you are speaking
to is not and you are walking to a meeting together, chances are you wont
be able to put this tool into use. But whenever you can, try to match the
other persons breathing in pace and depth. Breathe in when they do and
exhale when they do. This is another subconscious way of indicating that
you are in support or agreement with the other person and can help you
build deeper rapport.

74
Whenever you can, match the other persons breathing in pace and
depth.

4.2.5 Match the Way the Person Deals with

Information
This is not the same advice as matching the other persons way of
thinking. Instead, this advice refers to matching the chunk size of
information that the person is comfortable dealing with. For example, do
they want to take information one small detail, or chunk, at a time? Or are
they a big picture person and want to just get the broad strokes
overview?

Match the chunk size of information that the other person is most
comfortable dealing with.

This is a challenge for many people because if you are a detail-oriented

person, you will naturally feel that it is important to convey information to
the other person in small, specific chunks. But if that person is a big
picture person and you attempt to feed them every tiny detail, they are
going to get bored, overwhelmed, or upset. Since you want to influence
the other person, and since you are the one that understands how
important using the right chunk size of information is, you should adapt
the preference of the other person. Not doing so can quickly turn against
you when it comes to rapport.

4.2.6 Match Common Experiences

Matching common experiences is about finding some commonality to talk
about. We might attempt to match experiences, interests, backgrounds, or
acquaintances. This is often the first thing we attempt to do when we meet
someone new we look for things we have in common. Its a natural, fast
way to build rapport. We ask where they are from, what they do, or how
75
they know the other people in the room. But be sure that you dont choose
to focus only on this step if the preceding steps are out of sync, the other
person wont feel that any rapport-building is natural and sincere. You
cant just find a thing or two in common and instantly be able to persuade
another you need to put the other techniques into action as well.

Be sure not to concentrate only on this step without performing the

earlier steps.

When you are using these tools, its important to remember that you need
to be subtle. Matching and mirroring should appear natural, not
intentional. You dont want the other person to become acutely aware of
the fact that you are using these techniques to influence or persuade the
other person. Many people would automatically reject what you are
saying if they feel you are trying to persuade them too vigorously.

Calibration means learning to notice how the other person is reacting

to your attempts to build rapport.

Typically, the other person will be focusing so much on what they have to
say that they will not even notice your attempts to build rapport. But
calibration is one way of determining whether you are in rapport with
someone and whether or not you are beginning to influence and persuade
them. This basically means that you need to develop your ability to notice
what is happening to such an extent that you can begin to see peoples
reactions to communication.

This takes some practice because most of us are naturally more focused
on ourselves and what we want to say in a conversation. But remember
that when you are attempting to persuade someone, you want to make it
easy for them to come to agreement with you. To do so, you need to be
attuned to how they are reacting to you. So you will need to almost be in
two minds at once one mind is involved in the conversation, sending
your message and responding to input from the other person. The other
mind is standing outside of the conversation and observing.
76
Practice noticing what the other person is telling you both verbally and
non-verbally.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Are they relaxed and comfortable or stressed and tense?
Am I relaxed and comfortable?
Are their words and their body language matching or are they
saying different things?
What are they telling me about their preferred methods of
communicating?
What information are their words or eye movements giving me?
If the person seems to be comfortable with what you are doing and they
are expressing agreement both verbally and non-verbally, more than likely
you are beginning to persuade them.

77
5. Linguistic Tools for Influence
and Persuasion
5.1 Introduction
In this chapter, we will examine a series of methods that will help you to:
Direct a conversation without dominating it
Influence how others see a situation
Persuade others to come to your point of view
These techniques are subtle, but they are effective when they are used
with intention and with skill.

Reframing is the process of making a shift in the nature of a problem. It

is the process of changing a negative statement into a positive one by
changing the frame or reference used to interpret the experience. If all
meaning is context dependent, and if you change the context or content,
then you will change the meaning.

All content is re-framable simply by changing the structure, the process,

or the context. You can use this knowledge to help reframe how the other
person sees a situation as well. By doing so, you can set the stage for
persuading them to come to agreement with you.

The basis of reframing is to separate intention from behaviour and

consequence, so that you can then draw a correlation between them
as part of your persuasive argument.

The basis of all reframing is to separate intention from behaviour and

consequence. Intention is the opposite of consequence. It is how you
precede an action or behaviour and consequence is what happens at the
end of the action. Consequences can be either positive or negative.

In order to reframe something, you have several options. You can:

Redefine the words
78
 Change the time frame
Explore the consequences
Change the chunk size
Find a counter-example
Ask for evidence
Appeal to the positive intention behind the belief
Change the context so that the relationship doesnt apply in the
same way

Here is an example. As you read this Book, imagine that you have had the
following thought:

Learning Influencing and Persuasion Skills is hard

Redefine the words:

You dont have to learn them, you only need to become familiar
with them.
Learning them isnt hard, it just takes a little more effort.

Change the time frame:

The quicker you do it, the easier it will see
You have plenty of time to practice and become more comfortable
with them.

Explore the consequences:

Unless you try it, you will never know how easy it can be.
If you dont learn them, you wont be as effective in your job as
you could be.

Change the chunk size:

Chunk up:
Chunk down

79
Find a counterexample:
Is learning hard in general?
How hard is to learn one specific skill?
Has there ever been a time when you found learningeasy?
Have you ever had an experience where you thought something
was hard at first, but
you eventually got the hang of it?

Ask for evidence:

How do you know that?
Why do you feel it is hard?

Appeal to the positive intention behind the belief:

I can tell you want to learn these thoroughly.
I know how much you want to improve your influencing and
persuasion skills.

Change the context so that the relationship does not apply in the same
way:
How hard it is for you to learn depends upon who is teaching
You learned to speak Japanese now that was hard!

5.3 More Linguistic Tools

In this final section, well look at some more methods for choosing words
in a way that helps the other person to feel more rapport between you,
that can help you move them past a stumbling block, and that let you
guide the conversation without appearing to control it. These tools are a
form of artfully vague language, meaning that you need to do this with
intention in order for it to be effective. Following are examples of what
we mean:

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Using someones name

Addressing someone by their name is a way to establish rapport because it

signals a level of connection, it can make them feel special, and it can
subtly remind them that your message is directed to them. However, to
use it effectively, you need to be sure of several things:

Using someones name establishes a level of connection when it is

used correctly and appropriately

o Be sure you know how they want to be addressed. If a woman

you are speaking to prefers Ms. Jones to Miss Jones and you use
the latter, you will be irritating her rather than building rapport.
Dont move to first names until either they have called you by
your first name or you ask them if its OK to call them by it. Once
youre on a first-name basis, be sure you use the correct version
of their name. Is it Robert, Rob, or Bob? Find out so you dont
cause barriers to building rapport with this technique.

o Dont overuse it. Saying someones name is an effective way to

draw attention to a specific point. But if you use it in every other
sentence, youre going to become obvious. There is a delicate
balance to how frequently you use their name, so take care not to
abuse it.

Mind reading

With this tool, you indicate with your word choice that you know what the
other person is thinking. If you are accurate, youve strengthened your
rapport and you can manage an objection to what you are proposing to
them before it is voiced. You can use language to persuade someone that
they really do feel the way you are suggesting.

With this technique you us language to persuade someone that they

feel the way you are suggesting

81
Examples include:
o I know you believe this might be difficult, but it will be worth it.
o I understand that you are concerned about the outcome, but your careful
preparation will ensure success.
o Many people feel, as you do, that its important to demonstrate integrity
in our work and product.

Lost Performative

In this case, you are stating a value judgment that omits identifying the
person who is doing the judging. This makes it a neutral, easy to agree
with statement. It is called the lost performative because there is no
indication of the source of the information. You are actually increasing
your ability to control the conversation without taking and
misinterpreting the other persons point of view.

In this technique you make a neutral, easy to agree with statement

with no indication of the source of the information.

Examples include:
o Its a fact that people like people who are like themselves.
o Its good to know that the economy is getting better.

Cause and effect relationships

This helps you put across a message when you want the other person to
see the effect of what you are talking about.

For example:
o Seeing you come in late makes me feel you dont care
o Coaching will help you learn many skills
o Attending this meeting will create changes

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Presupposition
A presupposition is something that you havent stated but that is assumed
to be present or true for your statement to be understood.

For example:
o When weve finished your appraisal, youll feel confident about the
next six months (we are presupposing that the confidence will come
or that we will do something that will leave them feeling confident
all we have to do is finish the appraisal).
o As the economy picks up, we will see profits improve (we are
presupposing that the economy will pick up eventually).

Universal beliefs
A statement of something as a universal belief implies that there is no
exception to what you are saying. You can use universal beliefs to get the
person in the habit of agreeing with you. Examples might be:
o Everyone wants to be happy at work
o If you remain positive, youll see better results

Tag questions
This tool gets the other person to think about what you said and then
answer it in their mind. Since we can think about five times faster than we
can talk, this can work well in persuasion and influencing.
o As we take more action, our market share goes up, doesnt it?
o By listening more closely, youve learned much more, havent you?

Embedded commands
These are exactly what they sound like a command in your language
without actually commanding someone to do something. These words
speak to the subconscious and form part of a larger context, like:
o So, looking at your priorities makes you feel better now? (Embedded
command is feel better now.)
o Its good youve decided to get that report finished by 2pm.
(Embedded command is that youve decided finish it by 2pm)

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6. Framework Theories for Applying
Persuasion and Influence Techniques
6.1 Introduction
Youve learned a great deal at this point about building rapport and have
gotten some insight into how the words you choose can help to persuade
someone. But how do you know how to apply those tools? To answer this
question, well look at some theories posed on how persuasion works.
Yes, you have some tools now to help you influence and persuade others,
but this information will give you a framework for how you can apply
them.

6.2 Ranks Intensify and Downplay Model

In this model, Henry Rank describes a model of persuasion using two
opposite strategies: intensification and downplay. This means that when
you are in a situation where you are attempting to persuade someone else,
you use the two strategies to highlight certain aspects of the conversation
and to downplay other aspects of the conversation.

6.2.1 Intensify
When you intensify something, you draw attention to it by making it more
significant. You use three tools to intensify something: repetition,
association and composition. You will recognize these concepts from
commercials and other marketing campaigns because they are effective at
getting you to hear a message and purchase their product. If you think
about it, you are doing the same thing when you are attempting to
persuade someone, only your product is an idea or a decision.

o Repetition

When you repeat something multiple times, it is more likely that the other
person will remember it, which can help them to be influenced by it. Plus,
when you repeat something enough, the listener is more likely to accept
that thought or statement as true. You see this in commercials when an
advertisement repeats a word over and over again. New, improved,
bargain, or other descriptors are commonly repeated in hopes that you will
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remember the statement.

o Association

In this technique, you draw a connection for the listener between your
concept and another idea with which they are already emotionally
connected. You can use negative or positive emotions in this technique.
For example, you can persuade someone to keep a job by associating the
loss of a job with the loss of their home and their familys comfort. You
can persuade someone to accept a delegated task by associating it with a
sense of pride in accomplishment or by letting them know you are
choosing them because you associate them with intelligence and prudent
thought. You see this in commercials when the beautiful people are
using the product and smiling brightly, or when the guy who uses the
product gets the girl. The advertiser is trying to draw an association
between their product and the emotional experience of the people being
portrayed.

o Composition

This strategy uses the structure of your argument to compare the outcome
being portrayed against an outcome that is less desirable. You are
basically making your option look or sound better by contrasting it with
another possible outcome. In advertisements, you can think of before and
after commercials or someone who is unhappy before a product and
happy afterwards. There can be a strong emotional tug here as well.

6.2.2 Downplay
On the other side of the intensify coin, you have downplaying. It is the
opposite strategy from intensification. Here the goal is to distract from
certain aspects of the situation. The methods you use to downplay a fact
or statement are the opposite of the ones you would use to intensify them.
In this situation, you would use diversion, omission, or confusion.

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o Diversion

This is a basic distraction technique. You simply divert the persons

attention to something by drawing their attention to another feature or
characteristic of your argument. For example, if you are trying to
convince your boss to let you work from home, he or she might zone in on
the fact that they wouldnt be able to supervise you directly. Instead of
letting the conversation dwell on that issue, you could divert their
attention to the fact that you would be more productive without
distractions, which in the long run will save the company money and will
make your boss look good when you are getting things done faster.

o Omission

This is exactly what it sounds like; you simply do not say anything about
a topic that you think might sway the other person from your point of
view. However, you need to be careful when you use this tactic because in
a work scenario, you may be required to use full disclosure. Or, if you
omit information when you work with a customer and it is information
that they discover after the fact, if they consider it important information
they will not appreciate the fact that you omitted the information in the
first place.

However, if you can safely leave certain information out of a conversation

that you think would dissuade the other party, you can choose to do so. It
might be something that you can address after you have already gained
agreement, at which point the item may no longer have as much
importance.

o Confusion

Although this is not the most noble of persuasion tactics, it is effective. If

you can establish yourself as the expert with the complex or highly
scientific information, you may override the other persons position
simply because they are not able to deliver their position with the same
amount of detail. If you know the topic you are discussing inside and out
and the other party does not, you will be at an advantage because you will
be able to show a depth of knowledge that makes it seem as if because
you know more you must also know better.

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6.3 Monroes Motivated Sequence of Persuasion Steps
In the 1930s, John Monroe developed a series of steps that he believed
were the keys to persuading another individual. The steps are:
Attention
Need
Satisfaction
Visualization
Action
6.3.1 Attention
To get someone to listen to your argument, you need to get their attention.
You have about five seconds when talking to someone to engage their
attention before they will lose focus. You can do this in several ways.
Use their name with a tone that conveys urgency or importance
Use emotion to demonstrate your position smile, frown, be
exasperated whatever emotion conveys the strength of your
position
Physically touch them if you have the level of rapport where this
is appropriate. Put your hand on their forearm or shoulder to draw
their attention.
Bring up a topic that you know they are passionate about and
segue into your argument but be sure there is a valid connection
so you dont seem to be changing the topic too quickly
Start with a statement that conveys the benefit of your position for
the other person

6.3.2 Need
Once you have the other persons attention, work to keep it. You can lose
their attention as quickly as you have it if the other person doesnt see the
need to continue listening. To keep the other persons attention, you have
to be familiar with what is important to them. What do they want? What
do they value? Why should they care about your side of the argument?
Once you can answer these questions, you are ready to hook the listener
by focusing on what they care about.

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6.3.3 Satisfaction
In this step, you describe to the listener how your position will meet the
need you addressed in the previous step. Will your solution solve their
problem? Will it prevent them from having to deal with additional
problems? In other words, what benefits will the listener receive if they
are persuaded by your argument. Or what negative consequences will
they avoid?

6.3.4 Visualization
Visualization means that you can create a picture for the listener of what
the situation will look like once they have been persuaded to accept your
position or agree to your decision. Help them do this by describing what
the world will be like after they agree with you. For example, use
language like:
Imagine what it will be like when you no longer have to
Can you see how this would reduce your work load (solve your
problem, increase your profits, etc.)
Picture yourself leaving work on time once we make this change
(or some other way their life will improve once they agree with
you)

6.3.5 Action
Once you sense that you are approaching agreement, you need to cement
it by suggesting the next step or action that will put your solution in
motion. Dont wait act as soon as you can so that the other person is not
left stewing and thinking things over more (and perhaps changing their
mind).

6.4 The Integrity Principle

When you are persuading or influencing another, you are assuming a
position of leadership. However, you wont be perceived as a leader
unless you exhibit the trait of integrity. Integrity can be defined simply as
being true to your word, being authentic in your actions and speech, and
demonstrating the kind of behaviour that you expect others to have. In
other words, dont ask others to trust or believe in you or your solution if

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you havent demonstrated that you are trustworthy.

Integrity is something that you have to practice continually. It takes effort

to honor your word every time and to be the example you want from
others even when you are under stress or simply have a personality
conflict. But the benefits you can gain from developing integrity are
enormous when compared to the damage you can do in the workplace
and to your ability to persuade others - if you lack it.

Think for a moment about characteristics of people who have tried to

persuade you that you didnt like. What, specifically, were the attitudes,
behaviours, or traits of that person that has you still thinking of them in a
negative light? Probably you would list things like favoring certain
people, not coming through on promises he or she made, gossiping, taking
credit for another persons work, or treating you disrespectfully. All of
these issues can be traced to a lack of integrity.

So how do you practice integrity? There are three key areas that you can
concentrate on developing. As you read each description, ask yourself
how you would feel someone trying to convince you of something did not
possess these key characteristics.

6.4.1 Sincerity
Also called authenticity, people with this facet of integrity:
Do not put up a false front
Accept responsibility for their commitments and strive to meet
them
Are honest about their own limitations
Accept responsibility for their mistakes
Tell the truth
6.4.2 Consistency
You can demonstrate this facet of integrity by:
Treating people equally as much as possible
Following through on promises
Working as hard or harder than is expected
Having the same expectations or rules for yourself as you have
for others

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6.4.3 Substance
Substance refers to integrity becoming a part of who you are being in all
your work relationships by:
Keeping private information private
Not gossiping or complaining about team members to other team
members
Doing whats best for the team and not just yourself
Giving credit where credit is due
Caring about the development of your employees if you are a
supervisor
Making it a priority to maintain clear communication and resolve
any conflicts
If you have read this information and realized that you have not always
acted with integrity in the workplace, you are certainly not alone. But
going forward, you can now recognize that integrity can be built one
action at a time. As you get more practiced at it, you will find that it
becomes a habit. And once you start seeing the results that come from
practicing integrity, you will want to keep going.

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7. Influence and Persuasion in Sales
7.1 Establishing a Basis for Persuasion in Sales
Although the information shared to this point can certainly be used in
sales, there are a few additional points that are specific to a sales
relationship. Before you can persuade a customer to choose you or your
company, you need to establish a basis for doing so. You can do this by
following these steps:

1. Demonstrate Your Understanding

Putting yourself in your customers shoes lets you look at the scenarios
they are facing and helps you to concentrate on finding the best solution
for their scenarios. When you work with your customer, the interaction is
not about you its about them. Ask questions that demonstrate you are
well-informed about their business their needs, and how your organization
can help them to be more successful in their own business.

2. Generate a Friendly, Responsive Environment

Dont underestimate the impact of being friendly and responsive. Your

attitude in working with the customer, meeting their needs, and handling
their requests says a great deal about you and your organization to the
customer. Plus, your responsiveness how quickly you respond to their
objection and how well you meet their expectations will be an important
decision point for any customer in whether or not they will be persuaded
to use your company. One good rule of thumb is to under-promise and
over-deliver for your customers. Youll be demonstrating an exceptional
level of customer service that they will want to experience again in the
future.

3. Provide Evidence and More Evidence

You need to be able to demonstrate to your customer that you, your

organization, and your product or service are the best choice for the
customer. Be able to explain precisely how your offering will benefit the
customer in ways that the competition cannot. Give the customer
testimonials from other customers and show them before and after
scenarios that prove how your product or service has made a difference
for other customers and how it can do the same for them. No matter what
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you do, be sure that anything you share is fully verifiable.

4. Demonstrate Your Expertise

Who would you be more apt to buy from someone who knows the
basics about your industry or someone who you see as an expert in your
field? As you work with the customer, demonstrate that you understand
what you are presenting to them. Share information that shows you
understand their field, the upcoming trends, and the challenges people in
that industry are facing. Youll instil confidence in the customer to choose
your product or service over the next provider.

7.2 Persuasion During Negotiations

There are several things you should do before negotiations begin in
earnest. Negotiations require that you are able to persuade the other party
of your terms, conditions, or requests. First, you should be certain that you
understand any objections that have already been raised the root of them
as well as possible causes for them. You should be sure that you have
presented your proposal in terms of the value that it offers the client in
every sense possible. You need to be sure that you have adopted the right
attitude for negotiating that is, the attitude that will make you most
persuasive. And finally, you need to know for certain where your lines in
the sand are. These are the conditions that you have to have met in order
for an agreement to be reached, without which you are willing to walk
away.

7.2.1 Identifying the Root of the Objection

Customers may tell you directly why they are objecting, but they might
not. They might try to be polite or evasive, or they simply might not be
comfortable expressing themselves directly. So it will be your job to
explore the objection in order to get to the root of it. You will need to
listen to the client both to what is being said and what is not being said.

Start by asking some questions that will help uncover the root of the
objection. The exact questions you use will vary depending on what the
client says, but some possible examples include:

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What is your main concern with this point?
Why does that particular concern worry you?
If your concern were handled, what would the result look like?
What is your main priority in considering this offer?
What information do you still need?
What would the ideal offer for your situation include?
What are the main factors you will consider in choosing your provider?
Notice that these are all open-ended questions. They give the prospect the
opportunity to talk so that you can learn more information as well. You
could also focus on questioning in ways that redirect the prospect to
focusing on the benefits of your product or service. Some examples of
these types of questions include:

Weve talked about the fact that you have a challenge with ___________.
What would it be worth to your organization if that challenge were
resolved?

How would it help you to be more competitive if you didnt have to deal
with the problems caused by _______________ anymore?

What value can you see in eliminating ______________ from your daily
workload?

If you find that the prospect is not willing to give you more information,
you might need to examine other possible reasons for their objection.

7.2.2 Failure to Create Desire

All sales require that your client has a desire to own your product or use
your service. If you havent yet created that desire, you will face
objections and not make the sale no matter how persuasive you think you
are being. This idea comes from the sales method known as AIDA, an
acronym which stands for:
A Attention
I Interest
D Desire
A Action
This is very similar to Monroes Motivated Sequence Model that we

93
discussed in Chapter Six. The point is that if you havent created the
desire for your services, you will not persuade the customer that they need
your services. Why would they buy something that they dont want? You
will need to go back and establish desire by demonstrating the benefits
your offering will provide to the customer. If you do this well enough,
you wont have to do any more persuading the customer will already
want what you are offering.

7.2.3 Failure to Be Perceived as an Expert

Another common reason underlying objections is that your customer
doesnt yet see you as a partner in their business. At the very least, they
should see you as a source of expert information and assistance when they
need it. If they dont see you that way yet, you will need to work at
reinforcing their perception of you as a benefit to their organization in
order to persuade them to complete the sale. You can do this by taking
some simple steps like:
Sending customers information from industry publications or other
sources that are related to their business
Keeping informed about any regulatory changes to their business
Following your customers in the news so that you know what their
challenges are and what they might need in the future
Creating a network of contacts so that if your customer needs something
you dont provide, you have a specific person that you can refer them to
Continuing to receive training on developments of the products that your
company offers, as well as any products that your competition is offering
Attending conferences that are related to your industry and sharing what
you learn with your customers
Once you are perceived as an expert in the customers field, you will find
that objections become much rarer. The customer will come to you asking
for advice and suggestions rather than you having to go to the customer
and sell to them.

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7.3 Adopt the Correct Attitude
Your mind needs to be in the right place when you enter into
negotiations. Otherwise, you will simply not be as persuasive as you
could be. You dont want your emotions to get in the way of your ability
to interact with the other party and you want to be prepared to continue
providing the best quality service you can for the customer. Here are some
tips for ensuring you have the right attitude:
Be confident in yourself, your organization, and the value that your
product or service provides
Remember that objections to your proposal are not objections against you
personally
Remain calm in order to keep thinking clearly and responding well
Be patient because not everyone thinks at the same pace or in the same
way
Remind yourself that the goal is to find a solution and agreement that
provides value to both parties

7.4 Know Your Ultimate Conditions

We know a few things about customers by now. We know that they are
likely to try to get the lowest price and most favorable conditions
possible. We know that they can have unrealistic expectations or
unreasonable demands. But we also know that there is a point during the
negotiations at which they are willing to walk away from the table and go
to the competition instead.

You need to know the same information about your own position.
At what point will you decide that persuasion and influence is not
possible, and that you would be better served pursuing another
customer?
What are the requirements that an agreement must include in
order for you to take it?
What are the points on which you are willing to make concessions
and the points on which you are not?

If you dont know this going into the negotiations, you could waste time

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arguing points that are not critical for you. This might take more than your
own input to determine, so if you are negotiating as a team, be sure to
schedule a meeting to discuss this ahead of time.

8. Resources
Businessballs.com. Sales and Selling Training and Techniques.
http://www.businessballs.com/salestraining.htm#changingfaceofselling

Changingminds.org. Ranks Intensify / Downplay Schema.

http://changingminds.org/techniques/general/overall/rank_schema.htm

IncreaseBrainPower.com. Persuasion Techniques.

http://www.increasebrainpower.com/persuasion-techniques.html

Mindtools.com. Communication Skills Articles, various.

http://www.mindtools.com/page8.html

MTD Training Academy. Advanced Communication Skills.

http://www.mtdacademy.com

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97
Want to Be More Influential?
Improve Your Social Skills!
Dale Carnegie got it right when he said that to win more friends and
influence more people you need to improve your interpersonal skills.
Twenty years of research on power and influence shows that people with
superior social skills are substantially
more influential than people with average
social skills. These findings make sense
when you realize that influence is not
something you have; its something other
people give you. In other words, you cant
be influential with people unless they
allow you to be influential with them. So
influence is in large part a function of your
relationship with other people, and the rule
of thumb on influence is that you are
likely to be more successful if the people
you want to influence know you, like you,
respect you, and trust you.

Being Known

It is significantly easier to influence people you know than people you

dont. So go out of your way to make yourself known. If youre in an
organization, this means increasing your visibility throughout the
organization. Introduce yourself to people. As you get to know them, let
them know who you are. My research shows that people are who highly
skilled at being friendly and sociable with strangers and building close
relationships are more than twice as influential as people who are less
skilled at sociability and relationship building. People around the world
instinctively understand this, which is why socializing is one of the most
frequently used influence techniques globally. If you arent naturally
good at socializing, then this is a key skill to build. Extraverts are often
naturally good at socializing, but being an introvert is not necessarily a
liability. You may just have to try harder to do something that does not
come naturally to you.
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Being Liked

Sometimes, you know the person you want to influence but arent as
influential as youd like with him or her because of bad chemistry. Many
years ago when I was younger and single a friend introduced me to a
young woman, and she and I dated for a while. She was a nice, attractive
person, and we tried to be a couple but it just didnt work. Somehow, we
got on each others nerves and whatever either of us said or did was
somehow wrong. There was no chemistry between us, and it wasnt her
fault or mine. We just werent a good match for each other. So it goes.
In my three decades in business Ive had similar situations with some
colleagues and clients. Despite everyones good intentions, the plain fact
is that theres something about the other person each of you just doesnt
like.

Attraction can be a significant source of power, and this is based partly on

the psychological principle of liking. We are more inclined to say yes to
people we like than to people we dont, which is why friends are more
likely to do favours for each other than they are for people they dont
know. So to be more influential, do what you can to be more likeable to
the people you want to influence. Of course, we each have whatever
physical gifts (or challenges) we were born with, but you should do the
best you can with what you have. Good grooming, posture, dress, and
manners go a long way toward making you more attractive to others. In
business, as well as many other walks of life, these things matter. The
same is true with interpersonal behaviours that people like: friendliness,
generosity, warmth, caring, and acceptance. When we act with these
qualities, people are more inclined to like us. Conversely, if we are
pushy, arrogant, boastful, self-centred, rude, disrespectful, or otherwise
annoying, people will be inclined to dislike us. Personality is a key
component of likeability.

Being Respected and Trusted

Trust and respect are largely about character, credibility, and confidence.
You build character through courage, integrity, reliability, and similar
character traits; you build credibility through your knowledge, access to
information, role, and reputation (of which work ethic, results, and
contributions are a significant factor); and you build confidence by
behaving self-confidently, achieving consistently superior results, making
good decisions, and exercising sound judgment. If you are a member of a
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business or professional organization, people will also trust and respect
you more if you are actively involved, engaged, and committed to the
enterprise. To become highly influential, it helps to be well-liked, well-
regarded, and indispensable.

Fortunately, none of us is born with a fixed amount of power and

influence. No matter who you are, you can become more powerful and
more influential, and one of the keys is improving your interpersonal and
social skills.
Parts of this article are
excerpted from Terry R.
Bacon, Elements of
Influence: The Art of
Getting Others to Follow
Your Lead (NY:
AMACOM Books, 2011).

Photo credits: Friends in a

bar: Sean

Locke/istockphoto.com. Young businesswoman: Maridav/istockphoto.com.

Business people looking at a chart: Jacob Wackerhausen/istockphoto.com.

Copyright by Terry R. Bacon.

All rights reserved.

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How Influence Works
Terry R. Bacon

Influence is the application of power to accomplish a specific purpose.

Research shows that people typically try to lead and/or influence others
using ten positive influence techniques: logical persuading, legitimizing,
exchanging, stating, socializing, appealing to relationship, consulting,
alliance building, appealing to values, and modelling.

There are also four negative or dark side influence tactics: avoiding,
manipulating, intimidating, and threatening.

Influence can be as complex as forming an alliance of nations to try to

influence a rogue country's leadership to change its policies or as simple
as a child smiling and extending his hand in an offer of friendship. Every
time we try to affect how other people think, behave, or decide, we are
trying to influence them. A smile and a handshake are attempts to
socialize (see below), to form a connection and break down barriers. As
people get to know us and like us, they are more likely to say yes to our
requests.

Rational approaches to Influencing

Logical persuading

Using logic to explain what you believe or what you want. The number
one influence power tool throughout the world. The most frequently used
and effective influence technique in nearly every culture, but it does not
work with everyone and in some circumstances will not work at all.

Legitimizing

Appealing to authority. On average, the least-effective influence

technique in the world, but it will work with some people most of the time
and most people some of the time and can result in quick compliance.

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Exchanging

Negotiating or trading for cooperation. Most effective when it is implicit

rather than explicit. Used less often globally than any other influence
technique, but it is sometimes the only way to gain agreement or
cooperation.

Stating

Asserting what you believe or want. One of the influence power tools.
Most effective when you are self-confident and state ideas with a
compelling tone of voice. Can cause resistance, however, if overused or
used heavy-handedly.

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Social approaches to Influencing
Socializing

Getting to know the other person, being open and friendly, finding
common ground. Includes complimenting people and making them feel
good about themselves. One of the influence power tools. Second in
frequency and effectiveness globally. A critical technique in many
cultures and situations.

Appealing to Relationship

Gaining agreement or cooperation with people you already know well.

Based on the length and strength of your existing relationships. One of the
influence power tools. Third highest in effectiveness globally.

Consulting

Engaging or stimulating people by asking questions; involving them in the

problem or solution. One of the influence power tools. Fourth globally in
frequency and effectiveness. Works well with smart, self-confident people
who have a strong need to contribute ideas.

Alliance building

Finding supporters or building alliances to help influence someone else;

using peer or group pressure to gain cooperation or agreement. Not used
often and not always effective but in the right circumstances may be the
only way to gain consent.

Emotional approaches to Influencing

Appealing to values

Making an emotional appeal or an appeal to the heart. One of the principal

ways to influence many people at once and the best technique for building
commitment. A frequent technique of religious or spiritual leaders,
idealists, fundraisers, politicians, and some business leaders.

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Modelling

Behaving in ways you want others to behave; being a role model;

teaching, coaching, counselling, and mentoring. Fifth globally in
effectiveness. Can influence people without you being aware that you are
influencing. Parents, leaders, managers, and public figures influence
others through modelling all the time - positively or negatively - whether
they choose to or not.

The Dark Side Influence Tactics

There are also four negative influence techniques: avoiding, manipulating,
intimidating, and threatening. These are negative because they take away
the other person's legitimate right to say no. They force them to comply
with something contrary to their wishes or best interests, they mislead
them, or they force them to act when they would otherwise choose not to.

Avoiding

Forcing others to act, sometimes against their best interests, by avoiding

responsibility or conflict or behaving passive-aggressively. The most
common dark side technique. In some cultures, trying to preserve
harmony can look like avoiding.

Manipulating

Influencing through lies, deceit, hoaxes, swindles, and cons. Disguising

one's real intentions or intentionally withholding information others need
to make the right decision.

Intimidating

Imposing oneself on others; forcing people to comply by being loud,

overbearing, abrasive, arrogant, aloof, or insensitive. The preferred
technique of bullies.

Threatening

Harming others or threatening to harm them if they do not comply;

making examples of some people so others know that the threats are real.
The preferred technique of dictators and despots.
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The TOPS Formula
When you try to influence people, you are applying power in order to
accomplish a goal. Your success depends on a number of factors, some of
which you can control and others which you cannot. The ones you can
control are shown in this formula:
TOPS = influence effectiveness
where
T = your choice of influence technique
O = your organizational power sources
P = your personal power sources, including will power
S = the skill with which you use the influence technique
To influence someone effectively, you must use the right influence
technique for that person at that time, you must have sufficient sources of

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power (for the influence technique you are using), and you must be
sufficiently skilled at using the technique to make it work well.

The Influence Skills

As the TOPS model shows, influence effectiveness is partly a function of
the skill with which the influencer uses an influence technique. Like a
skilled craftsman, it takes time and practice to perfect those skills.
People who become highly skilled in the areas described below can be
extraordinarily effective at leading and influencing other people.
The research on power and influence shows that there are twenty-eight
skills associated with influence effectiveness. These skills fall into four

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categories: communication and reasoning, assertiveness, interpersonal,
and interactive.

Communication and Reasoning Skills

Logical reasoning
The ability to think logically, to analyze problems and identify logical
solutions to them.
Analyzing and displaying data visually
Skill at creating charts, graphs, illustrations, and other visuals that clearly
convey the relationships among data points and communicate ideas and
conclusions clearly in visual form.
Finding creative alternatives
Being creative and innovative; the ability to see alternatives and solutions
where others havent; skill at thinking outside the box.
Probing
Skill at asking insightful questions that lead others to the heart of the
problem or issue.
Speaking conversationally
The ability to engage people in casual conversation; skill at conversing on
a number of topics; being a skilled conversationalist.
Conveying energy and enthusiasm
Bringing energy and enthusiasm to interactions and situations; being
naturally energetic and engaged; the ability to get others energized.
Listening
Skill at actively listening to others; being engaged in others when they are
speaking and accurately hearing and retaining the essence of their
thoughts.

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Assertiveness Skills
Asserting
Skill at stating an opinion with confidence or force; presenting ideas
strongly and affirmatively; maintaining ones position without becoming
aggressive.
Persisting
Skill at enduring steadfastly; continuing on ones course despite
opposition or resistance; being insistent and tenacious.
Behaving self-confidently
Having faith in ones own judgment, abilities, and rights; projecting
firmness and steadfastness in ones purpose, directions, and goals.
Behaving authoritatively
Skill at projecting authority; behaving as though one has the legitimate
right to use authority; clearly stating a decision, conclusion, or course of
action.
Using a compelling tone of voice
Having a strong, firm, and resonant voice; the ability to command
attention when one speaks.
Using assertive non-verbals
Skill at using strong and confident gestures, facial expressions, and body
language; projecting confidence and assurance through all the non-verbal
aspects of communication.
Using authority without appearing heavy handed
The ability to command others and use legitimate authority without being
overbearing, clumsy, oppressive, or harsh. A key skill in using the
influence technique stating.

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Interpersonal Skills
Being friendly and sociable with strangers
Skill at opening up to and engaging with people one does not know; being
outgoing and conveying warmth, acceptance, and interest in strangers. A
critical skill in the influence technique of socializing.
Showing genuine interest in others
Skill at conveying genuine interest in other people; being authentic in
showing care, concern, and curiosity in other people; skill at making
others feel important. A critical skill in socializing and appealing to
relationship.
Having insight into what others value
Having a strong, intuitive understanding of other people and what is
important to them; skill at discerning what others value without them
having to say what it is; interpersonal perceptiveness.
Being sensitive to others feelings
Skill at understanding others emotions and empathizing with them.
Building rapport and trust
Skill at building harmonious and sympathetic relationships with others;
skill at conveying trust in others as well as causing them to feel that one
can also be trusted; establishing trustful connections with others.
Building close relationships
The ability to create trusted friendships and close relationships with other
people; skill at sustaining intimate and friendly relationships with others
over a period of time.
Supporting and encouraging others
Skill not only at helping and encouraging others but conveying that
attitude as well; giving aid or assistance to others; and promoting,
advancing, inspiring, or stimulating others and encouraging them to forge
ahead.
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Interaction Skills
Convincing people to help you influence others
Skill at enlisting others support and assistance in influencing others; skill
at building agreement and cooperation and a unified sense of purpose,
particularly in approaching others and trying to persuade them as well.
The most critical skill in the influencing technique of alliance building.
Resolving conflicts and disagreements among others
Skill at managing conflict; the ability to identify core issues, find creative
and mutually acceptable solutions, and reduce the emotion in situations
that prevents resolution; skill at mediation.
Building consensus
The ability to mediate differences of opinion and reach solutions that
others can accept; skill at creating harmony and agreement among people
who initially disagree.
Taking the initiative to show others how to do things
A strong interest in and desire to teach others; skill at coaching, teaching,
advising, and helping others in developing their skills and abilities. An
essential skill in the influencing technique modelling.
Bargaining or negotiating
Skill at reaching agreement with others over an exchange of things of
value; skill at discussing terms and reaching a satisfactory agreement in a
settlement, bargain, or deal. Crucial to the influencing technique of
exchanging.
Willingness to ask others for favors
The ease and comfort with which one is willing to ask other people for
something done or granted out of kindness or good will. An essential
ability in appealing to relationship.
Willingness to do favors for others

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Ones willingness to do something or grant something to others out of
kindness or good will and with no expectation of renumeration. An
essential ability in appealing to relationship.

Influence Skill
Difficulty and Potential Impact
The table below lists the twenty-eight influencing skills, the difficulty
each skill is to master, and the potential impact each skill can have on
leading and influencing others.

The skills are ranked according to potential impact and then by difficulty.
Bargaining or negotiating, for instance, has very high potential impact but
is also a difficult skill to master. Conversely, persisting has low potential
impact and is easy to master. In developing your leadership and
influencing skills, you will have more leverage with the skills having the
greatest potential impact, even though many of them are difficult to
master. These rankings are based on twenty years of research on power
and influence that I conducted at Lore International Institute, which is
now part of Korn/Ferry International.

Influence Skills Type of Skill Difficulty Potential

Impact

Convincing people to Interaction Very Very high

help you influence high
others

Resolving conflicts Interaction Very Very high

and disagreements high
among others

Using a compelling Assertiveness Very Very high

tone of voice high

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Bargaining or Interaction Very Very high
negotiating high

Using authority Assertiveness High Very high

without appearing
heavy handed

Taking the initiative to Interaction High Very high

show others how to do
things

Building consensus Interaction High Very high

Behaving Assertiveness Very High

authoritatively high

Using assertive non- Assertiveness Very High

verbals high

Having insight into Interpersonal High High

what others value

Probing Communication High High

and reasoning

Finding creative Communication Medium High

alternatives and reasoning

Supporting and Interpersonal Medium High

encouraging others

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Building rapport and Interpersonal Low High
trust

Building close Interpersonal Very Medium

relationships high

Showing genuine Interpersonal Medium Medium

interest in others

Conveying energy and Communication Medium Medium

enthusiasm and reasoning

Asserting Assertiveness Medium Medium

Listening Communication Medium Medium

and reasoning

Behaving self- Assertiveness Low Medium

confidently

Logical reasoning Communication Low Medium

and reasoning

Willingness to ask Interaction Very Low

others for favors high

Being sensitive to Interpersonal High Low

others' feelings

Analyzing and Communication High Low

displaying data and reasoning

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Willingness to do Interaction High Low
favors for others

Being friendly and Interpersonal Medium Low

sociable with strangers

Speaking Communication Low Low

conversationally and reasoning

Persisting Assertiveness Low Low

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Influencing Techniques: Preparation
The Steps in Preparation include:

1. Goal Setting: What do you want to achieve?

2. What is the range of things the other person could offer?

3. What would you be prepared to accept? (i.e. what is your fall-

back position)

4. What are the facts and figures behind the situation?

When did it happen?

How many times?
Over what period of time?
What is the effect on the customer, individual, company, ?
What evidence can you provide?

5. Who are you influencing in terms of personality and style of

working? What approaches may help influence them? For
example:

Are they statistics orientated?

Like examples painted for them?
Are they visionaries where you describe what it would be like if
they agree to your proposals?
Do they respond best to information placed in graphs/pie charts?
Do they prefer flowcharts and diagrams?
What values are important to them?
What sense of humor do they have?
What pressures and challenges are they faced with at this time?
Thinking about the Influencee in this way can help us plan our
communication style during the meeting.

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6. How will you approach the conversation? What will tune them
in? What words will you use? What tactics will you use?

7. What objections may they come up with?

8. How will you overcome these objections?

9. When is the best time to influence?

10. Where will you influence? (it can be advantageous to meet the
Influencee away from interruptions at their desk)

Source:
http://www.abctrainingsolutions.biz/Influencing%20Preparation.doc

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Identifying Who to Influence
Materials Required: Piece of flipchart per delegate; flip chart markers.
Blue tack your flip chart sheet to the wall.
Write your name, in a circle, in the middle.
Around the outside of the flipchart, write in all the other
people/departments, inside or outside of your department/company,
that impact on your job these are your INTERNAL customers.
Draw lines from these internal customers into the circle containing
your department.
Write what service they provide for you, or what service you provide
for them, along the line. For example: If Human Resources was the
internal customer, then along the line you may write: Recruitment &
Payroll.
Out of these people, decide who are the ones you would most like to
improve your relationship with, and therefore be more influential.
They could be the ones that you find most difficult in dealing with.
Find a partner and discuss with them:

- The blockages to being more influential with these people.

- The style you might adopt that may suit these people (e.g. you
may have a much different approach to an Artist in their mid
twenties compared to a senior executive of the company)

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How Power Works
To lead or influence people effectively, you must have a sufficient power
base. There are eleven sources of power: five personal sources
(knowledge, expressiveness, history, attraction, and character), five
organizational sources (role, resources, information, network, and
reputation), and one meta-source, will). Below is a brief explanation of
each of these power sources.

Power in people is like power in batteries. The higher the voltage of a

battery, the more electromotive force it can deliver and thus the more
impact it can have. A 1,000-volt battery is far more powerful than a 10-
volt battery. Likewise, people with greater sources of power are better
able to lead and influence others than people with fewer and lesser
sources of power. The more powerful you are, the more influence you will
have.

Personal Sources of Power

Knowledge

Your knowledge, skills, talents, and abilities, as well as your learning,

wisdom, and accomplishments. Power derived from what you know and
can do. People rated high in knowledge power are three times more
influential than people rated low in knowledge power.

Expressiveness

Your ability to communicate powerfully and effectively in written and

oral forms. Power based on the clarity, energy, conviction, and eloquence
of speech. In its most powerful form, expressiveness is related to
charisma. Building this power source will increase your influence
effectiveness more than building any other power source. Expressiveness
is strongly correlated with three other power sources: character, attraction,
and reputation.

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History

Shorthand for history with the person you are trying to lead or influence:
Power derived from familiarity and trust with another person. Based on
the psychological principles of liking, similarity, and reciprocity. Between
people who know each other well, this can be the most important power
source. High ratings on history power are strongly correlated with high
ratings on interpersonal skills.

Attraction

The ability to attract others by causing them to like you. Based on

physical attractiveness as well as authenticity; commonality of values,
attitudes, or beliefs; personality; character; wisdom; shared experience;
and many other factors. Globally, one of the strongest power sources.
High ratings on this power source more than triple your influence
effectiveness.

Character

Power based on people's perceptions of your character, including such

elements of character as integrity, honesty, fairness, courage, kindness,
modesty, prudence, and so on. A significant source of personal power.
Ranked #1 globally.

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Organizational Sources of Power
Role

Power derived from your role in a group, organization, or community.

The legitimate power and authority vested in a role or position. Can be a
significant source of power but can also lead to abuses of power if not
used wisely. Is strongest when combined with high ratings on character,
attraction, knowledge, expressiveness, and reputation power.

Resources

Power derived from your ownership or control of important resources

(such as wealth or natural resources) that other people value and need.
Typically, not a strong source of power for most people.

Information

Your access to and control of information. This power source has five
elements that form the mnemonic RADIO: retrieval, access,
dissemination, interpretation, and organization. Together and separately,
these capabilities enable people to lead and influence others through the
effective deployment of information.

Network

Power derived from the breadth and quality of your connections with
other people. Based on the social capita of network members through
reciprocal respect, admiration, favour granting, and collaboration. A
substantial source of organizational power. High ratings on this power
source can triple your influence effectiveness and make you twice as
inspirational as people with low network power.

Reputation

Power based on an estimation of the overall quality of a person by others

in a community (team, organization, or society) to which the person
belongs. A significant source of power for people who are well thought of
and a significant power drain for those with poor reputations. High ratings
on this power source more than triple your influence effectiveness and
significantly increase the likelihood that others will follow you.
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Will Power (a meta-source)
Will

Power based on your desire to be more powerful coupled with the courage
to act. This power comes from within and can magnify every other source
of power. It depends entirely on your decision to act on passion and
commitment but also on energy and action. Will power is different from
desire and longing. It comes not from the impulse to act but from acting
on the impulse. The most important power source of all. Compared to low
will power, high will power can increase your leadership and influence
effectiveness by a factor of ten.

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The First Law of Influence
Influence attempts may fail for many legitimate reasons

Some books claim that if you follow their principles you can influence
anyone to do anything. According to these authors, you can get anyone to
like you, love you, and find you irresistibly attractive. Wow! They assert
that you can take control of any situation, win at every competition, and
gain the upper hand every time. One book, written for men wanting to
pick up women, boasts that by following its mystery methods you can get
beautiful women into bed. Another boldly proclaims that you can get
anyone to say yes in eight minutes or less. When I read claims like these I
am reminded of a saying attributed to Abraham Lincoln: You can fool
some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time,
but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time.

The idea that you can

influence anyone to do
anything is nonsense. There
are many reasons why
people may not be moved by
or even be aware of your
influence attempt. In his
book What Leaders Really
Do, John Kotter explores
why people may not respond
to a managers influence
attempts: Some people
may be uncooperative
because they are too busy
elsewhere, and some
because they are not really
capable of helping. Others
may well have goals, values,
and beliefs that are quite
different and in conflict with
the managers and may
therefore have no desire
whatsoever to help or

122
cooperate. Additionally, the people you are trying to influence may not
care about what you want them to support. They may disagree with your
opinion, idea, suggestion, proposal, or point of view. They may not need
what you are selling, or accept your line of reasoning, or be inspired by
what you are saying. Or they may be distracted. Or they may not have
enough regard for you or your team or company to pay attention to your
message.

Consider this: In business, salespeople spend more time studying and

practicing the techniques of influence than any other group in a company,
and even the very best of them cannot sell their products or services to
every customer all the time. Why? Because as skilled and influential as
they may be, there are many valid reasons why they cannot and will not
persuade some customersand those reasons often have more to do with
the customers and the situation than with the salespeople. In the real
world, many factors affect a buying decision, and even skilled salespeople
may not be aware of or be able to change factors that lead buyers to
choose another provider or buy nothing at all.

As the First Law of Influence implies, you will not be able to influence
everyone all the time, but that doesnt mean you cant influence many
people most of the time if you have enough power and use the right
influence techniques. Leadership skill and the ability to influence others
effectively have become increasingly important not only in business and
government but in all walks of life, and influence is now being taughtin
some formin many educational institutions. Masters in Public
Administration and MBA degrees, for instance, now feature these skills
prominently in the curriculum.

Source:
(excerpted from Terry R. Bacon, Elements of Influence: The Art of Getting
Others to Follow Your Lead, AMACOM Books, 2011) - Photo : Xavi
Arnau/istockphoto.com

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Influence Effectiveness Self Assessment
score between (1): not at all true of me and (10): very true of me

Rational Influence Techniques: Logical Persuading

1. I am a very logical person. I think logically and excel at providing
sound reasons for my conclusions or requests.
2. I am nearly always able to convince people to go along with me by
explaining what I want and why I want it.
3. I am excellent at putting together the evidence or proof I need to
substantiate my ideas, conclusions, and proposals.
4. I am highly skilled at creating compelling charts, graphs, and other
kinds of visual aids to support my arguments and presentations.

Rational Influence Techniques: Legitimizing

5. Most of the people I know and work with have a lot of respect for
authority.
6. I am highly skilled at citing authorities to legitimize what I want and
can do so without making people feel pressured or insulted.
7. I find that most people respond positively when they know that my
decisions
or requests are supported by management.
8. I am one of those people who has an aura of authority, and when I say
that what I want is authorized or approved, most people go along with it.

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 Rational Influence Techniques: Exchanging
9. I am an experienced and skilled negotiator.
10. I do a lot of favors for my friends and colleagues, and they do a lot for
me.
11. I am very good at bargaining and trading. I am usually successful at
striking a deal that works for everybody.
12. I believe that you get as good as you give, so I try to be helpful and
collaborative with everyone, and I find that when I want or need
something people usually come through for me.

Rational Influence Techniques: Stating

13. I am very good at asserting my views without overwhelming people or
making them feel like they cannot disagree with me.
14. People see me as a very self-confident person, and they generally
accept what I have to say without challenging it.
15. I enjoy sharing my ideas and telling others what I think. If they
disagree with me, that's fine.
16. I am in a position of authority in my organization, and if I simply tell
people what I want them to do, they will do it.

Social Influence Techniques: Socializing

17. I am very outgoing, and it's easy for me to engage in casual
conversation with people I've just met.
18. I am an excellent listener. When people talk to me, I am fully engaged
with them and remember not only the key things they've told me but also
details about themselves as well.
19. It is easy for me to make friends. I like people and enjoy talking to
them and discovering what we have in common.
20. I am most comfortable in meetings when we spend some time
socializing before getting down to business. I prefer knowing who I'm
dealing with and having them get to know me.

125
 Social Influence Techniques: Appealing to
Relationship
21. If any of my closest friends or family members need anything from
me, all they have to do is ask.
22. I feel a special bond with anyone who belongs to the same clubs or
groups I belong to or who shares my interests.
23. I know that if I ever need anything or have a serious problem, my
closest friends will be there for me.
24. I and the people I feel closest to tend to think alike and have shared
interests. We agree with each other much more often than we disagree.

Social Influence Techniques: Consulting

25. I am very good at asking people the kinds of probing questions that
get them to think about an issue or situation differently.
26. Rather than give people the answers, I often use questions to lead
them through a problem-solving process so they figure out the answers
themselves.
27. I am very effective at building support by engaging people in the
problem-solving process and having them feel some ownership of the
solution.
28. When people ask me for coaching, I greatly prefer to ask them
questions and have them figure out what's best for themselves rather than
tell them what I think they should do.

Social Influence Techniques: Alliance Building

29. I am an experienced team builder and an excellent team leader.
30. When I'm not confident that I can influence someone by myself, I
have always been able to find supporters to help me accomplish my goal.
31. I am highly skilled at resolving conflicts among people and building
consensus.
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32. I have been very successful at bringing people together to accomplish
goals I consider important.

Emotional Influence Techniques: Appealing to Values

33. I am known as a passionate and committed person who brings a lot of
energy to any discussion about issues I feel strongly about.
34. I have an intuitive understanding of what people value, and I know
how to talk to them about those values in ways they find authentic and
engaging.
35. I am an eloquent and inspirational speaker.
36. Many people would consider me to be a charismatic person.

Emotional Influence Techniques: Modelling

37. Many people in my group or organization consider me a positive role
model.
38. I am an experienced and successful coach, mentor, or teacher.
39. I am widely considered to be an expert in my field, and people
frequently seek my opinions or advice.
40. I am well known because of my publications, speeches, presentations,
or public appearances.

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Scoring Your Influence Effectiveness Self-
Assessment
Your influence technique scores have been recorded in the boxes below.
Each score was multiplied by the factor in parentheses to arrive at a total
score. The factors reflect the relative strength of each of the influence
techniques based on the research.

The highest possible score is 880.

Rational Influence Social Influence Emotional Influence

Techniques Techniques Techniques

Logical Persuading Socializing Appealing to Values

(x 4) = 136 (x 4) = 104 (x 3) = 90

Legitimizing Appealing to Modeling

(x 1) = 22 Relationship (x 1) = 31
(x 2) = 74

Exchanging Consulting
(x 1) = 33 (x 3) = 96

Stating Alliance Building

(x 2) = 64 (x 1) = 32
Subtotal: 255 Subtotal: 306 Subtotal: 121

Total Score: 682

128
Interpreting Your Self-Assessment Score
Clearly, the higher your total score, the more influential you can be in
your company or organization. Your total score is important, but so your
mix of scores.

Many people excel at one or two influence techniques and tend to use
them much more frequently than anything else and they are less effective
overall than people who have moderately high capabilities in a broader
range of techniques.

Think of these influence techniques as tools in your toolbox. You'll be

more effective if you are good at using six or seven of the techniques than
you will be if you excel at using only one or two.

The five global influence power tools are logical persuading, socializing,
stating, appealing to relationship, and consulting. If you do not have at
least moderately high capability in these five influence techniques, then
you should work toward developing the ones you are weakest at. On
average, these are the techniques you will need to use most often and the
ones that will give you the greatest chance of success.

The remaining five influence techniques are important depending on your

situation. If you are a politician, senior executive, religious leader, or
other kind of public figure, then you should develop your skills at using
appealing to values. This will be one of your most important influence
techniques. If you do not have a lot of role or positional power, then you
will probably need to be competent at exchanging (it's how peers
influence each other and gain cooperation from the people they need to
work with). If you frequently need to influence people who are
considerably more power than you, then alliance building will be a key
technique for you the master.

The weights assigned to these influence techniques reflect their relative

importance in your overall influence effectiveness based on the research.
In real life, these weights would depend on the situations you face in
trying to lead and influence other people. If you must frequently negotiate
with people for cooperation, then exchanging would be weighted higher
than it is. If you never need to appeal to people's values, then appealing to

129
values would have a lower weight, and so on. As you reflect on your
scores, ask yourself these questions:

1. Which influence techniques are most important for your role in

your company or group or for the types of situations in which you
typically need or want to influence others? You might want to apply your
own weighting scheme so it better reflects your leadership and influence
challenges.

2. Are you less effective than you should be in any of the more
important influence techniques you identified? These are the techniques
you should focus on in your development plan.

3. If you aspire toward positions of greater responsibility in your

organization, look ahead. Which influence techniques will be most
important as you are promoted to those positions? Building your skill at
using these influence techniques should become part of your long-term
development plan.

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Power Source Self Assessment
score between (1): not at all true of me and (10): very true of me

Personal Power Sources: Knowledge Power

1. I am highly knowledgeable and skilled in areas of importance to the
people I work with.
2. My areas of expertise are special enough that they differentiate me
from most other people.
3. Many people are aware of my knowledge and skill and value me for it.
They consider me an expert and often ask for my opinion or advice.
4. I have many symbols of knowledge power, such as an advanced
degree, a special role or title, awards, prizes, certifications, publications,
or other honors.

Personal Power Sources: Expressiveness Power

5. I am a gifted and experienced speaker. I use language well. I speak
clearly, concisely, and effectively.
6. In meetings, I participate more than most people and make more
comments or suggestions. I usually have more presence in the group than
other people.
7. I often communicate either to everyone in my organization or large
groups within it. Known as an excellent writer and speaker, I have a great
deal of visibility in our company.
8. I frequently communicate my ideas through books, white papers,
articles, television or radio appearances, blogs, social networks like
Facebook or LinkedIn, and conference presentations.

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 Personal Power Sources: History Power
9. I am very good at building close relationships with other people. I have
quite a few
customers, colleagues, and others I work with whom I consider friends.
10. I excel at making connections with people I've just met. Outgoing and
friendly, I am able to establish rapport and trust with others fairly quickly.
11. I am the type of person who joins groups. I belong to a number of
clubs, committees, boards, teams, and other groups where I regularly
interact with people based on common interests.
12. I am very active on social networking sites like LinkedIn, Plaxo,
Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter.

Personal Power Sources: Attraction Power

13. I have the kind of qualities most people like, and I rarely do anything
that would offend anyone else or cause them to think I'm arrogant, pushy,
or distant.
14. I take care of my appearance, and most people would consider me to
be physically attractive or charming.
15. I am outgoing and very good at engaging people. People enjoy being
with me, and many of them think I'm funny or interesting.
16. People have told me that I am charismatic.

Personal Power Sources: Character Power

17. I am totally honest, and people know that about me. They would never
question my integrity.
18. I always speak the truth as I know it. It may sometimes be unpleasant
to be completely candid with people, but I would never hide the truth just
to make someone feel better or to avoid a conflict.
19. People consider me courageous. I stand up for what I believe is right,
even in the face of resistance and opposition from powerful people.
20. I don't preach one thing but do something different. I walk the talk,
and if I make a promise, I never fail to keep it. People know they can trust
me.
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 Organizational Power Sources: Role Power
21. I have a management role in my company that gives me a great deal of
formal authority and responsibility for the group and people I manage.
22. I may try to lead through influence rather than authority, but I have the
power to make final decisions.
23. I have been very successful in every leadership or management
position I have had in my company.
24. I am one of the most senior managers or leaders in my company.

Organizational Power Sources: Resource Power

25. I own or control key resources other people need to do their jobs.
26. My role includes budgetary authority, and other managers or
departments need to seek my approval for discretionary spending.
27. In my role, I manage people's schedules or assignments, or I control
access to key people.
28. I own or control significant financial resources.

Organizational Power Sources: Information Power

29. I have access to deep public or private information that many other
people do not have access to.
30. I am highly skilled at interpreting information and presenting it in a
form other people value and could not get from any other source.
31. In my job, I manage information that helps others do their job,
including information they could not readily obtain elsewhere.
32. I conduct research or otherwise generate new information that is
valuable to other people and gives them fresh insights.

Organizational Power Sources: Network Power

33. I am well connected inside and outside my company. I know hundreds
of customers, colleagues, partners, suppliers, peers, and friends in
multiple organizations and locations.

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34. My networks include a number of important people who also have
many large networks of their own. Through my own and their networks, I
have tremendous reach.
35. I am a very active networker. I constantly reach out to the people I
know and maintain my ties with them.
36. Many people want me to be part of their network because of my role,
title, position, expertise, reputation, or some other reason that makes me
an attractive network member.

Organizational Power Sources: Reputation Power

37. I have an excellent reputation in my company. People hold me in high
regard.
38. People I've just met often tell me that they've heard good things about
me.
39. My performance at work has always been outstanding. I am known as
a person who gets results.
40. People in my company often ask me for advice, coaching, or
mentoring.

Will Power
41. I know where I want to go and what I want to do, and I am fiercely
determined to get there.
42. I am not easily discouraged. Even unforeseen obstacles and repeated
failures could not deter me from my course.
43. I am a dreamer, but I know that dreams are not enough. I have a
proven history of acting on
my dreams and making them a reality.
44. One of my strengths as a leader is my formidable will power. I never
waver. Nothing can get in my way.

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 Scoring Your Power Source Self-
Assessment
Your power source scores have been recorded in the spaces below, then
each score was multiplied by the indicated factor to total the result. The
factors reflect the relative strength of each of the power sources based on
the research.

The highest possible score is 1200.

Personal Power Organizational Will Power

Sources Power Sources

Role power
Knowledge power (x 3) = 42 Will power
(x 2) = 60 (x 10): 260
Resource power
Expressiveness (x 1) = 4
power
(x 3) = 84 Information power
(x 1) = 7
History power
(x 1) = 23 Network power
(x 2) = 8
Attraction power
(x 1) = 30 Reputation power
(x 3) = 84
Character power
Subtotal: 145 Subtotal: 260
(x 3) = 99

Subtotal: 296

Total Score: 701

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Interpreting Your Self-Assessment Score
Obviously, the higher your total score, the more powerful you are in your
company or organization. However, if you are interested in building your
power, the total score is less important than your scores for each element
of power. Note which of your power sources is weakest, and which items
had the lowest scores. You may identify some developmental
opportunities. Of course, some capabilities may not be easy to build in the
short term. Regarding item 28, for instance, most people cannot easily
build or gain control of significant financial resources except over a
longer period. Nonetheless, as a starting point, identify the power sources
you would most like to build, and then return to that section of this
chapter and identify the suggestions you could act upon. Make them part
of your development plan.

An important caveat about this self-assessment is that the weights

assigned to each element of power reflect the relative importance of each
power source based on our research. However, in real life, these weights
would depend to some degree on the context. If you work as a scientist in
a biomedical research firm, then knowledge and reputation power would
probably be weighted more heavily. If you are a senior loan officer in a
bank or mortgage company, then resource power would have higher
weight. If you work for a public relations firm, network power would be
considerably more important, and so on. Remember that power is
relational and depends on the context in which you are working, so view
your results accordingly. The key questions are these:

1. Which sources of power are most important for your role in your
company and industry? You might want to rank them and apply your own
weighting scheme.

2. Are you weaker than you should be in any of the more important
power sources you identified? These are the areas you should focus on in
your development plan.

3. If you aspire toward positions of greater responsibility, look

ahead. Which power sources would be most important for you to be
promoted to those positions? And which of your sources of power would
need to be stronger for you to succeed in those positions? Building those

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sources of power should become part of your longer-term development
plan.

Available at http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Jaimelavie

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Influence
By Robert B. Cialdini, Ph.D. - See Dr. Robert Cialdina's
Web site "Influence at Work"
Introduction

Robert Cialdini is a Professor of Psychology at Arizona State University

and has spent many years devoted to the scientific investigation and
research of persuasion techniques. His book "Influence" has become a
classic. Within his book Cialdini lists six basic social and psychological
principles that form the foundation for successful strategies used to
achieve influence.

Those six principles are:

1. Rule of Reciprocity
According to sociologists and anthropologists, one of the most widespread
and basic norms of human culture is embodied in the rule of reciprocity.
This rule requires that one person try to repay what another person has
provided. By obligating the recipient to an act of repayment in the future--
the rule for reciprocation allows one individual to give something to
another with the confidence that it is not being lost.

This sense of future obligation according to the rule makes possible the
development of various kinds of continuing relationships, transactions,
and exchanges that are beneficial to society. Consequently, virtually all
members of society are trained from childhood to abide by this rule or
suffer serious social disapproval.

The decision to comply with someone's request is frequently based upon

the Rule of Reciprocity. Again, a possible and profitable tactic to gain
probable compliance would be to give something to someone before
asking for a favour in return.

The opportunity to exploit this tactic is due to three characteristics of the

Rule of Reciprocity:

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 1. The rule is extremely powerful, often overwhelming the influence
of other factors that normally determine compliance with a
request.

2. The rule applies even to uninvited first favors, which reduces our
ability to decide whom we wish to owe and putting the choice in
the hands of others

3. The rule can spur unequal exchanges. That is--to be rid of the
uncomfortable feeling of indebtedness, an individual will often
agree to a request for a substantially larger favor, than the one he
or she first received.

Another way in which the Rule of Reciprocity can increase compliance

involves a simple variation on the basic theme: instead of providing a
favour first that stimulates a returned favour, an individual can make
instead an initial concession--that stimulates a return concession.

One compliance procedure, called the "rejection-then-retreat technique",

or door-in-the-face technique, relies heavily on the pressure to reciprocate
concessions. By starting with an extreme request that is sure to be
rejected, the requester can then profitably retreat to a smaller request--the
one that was desired all along. This request is likely to now be accepted
because it appears to be a concession. Research indicates, that aside from
increasing the likelihood that a person will say yes to a request--the
rejection-then-retreat technique also increases the likelihood that the
person will carry out the request a will agree to future requests.

The best defence against manipulation by the use of the Rule of

Reciprocity to gain compliance is not the total rejection of initial offers by
others. But rather, accepting initial favours or concessions in good faith,
while also remaining prepared to see through them as tricks--should they
later be proven so. Once they are seen in this way, there is no longer a
need to feel the necessity to respond with a favour or concession.

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2. Commitment and Consistency
People have a desire to look consistent through their words, beliefs,
attitudes and deeds and this tendency is supported or fed from three
sources:

1. Good personal consistency is highly valued by society.

2. Consistent conduct provides a beneficial approach to daily life.

3. A consistent orientation affords a valuable shortcut through the

complexity of modern existence. That is-- by being consistent
with earlier decisions we can reduce the need to process all the
relevant information in future similar situations. Instead, one
merely needs to recall the earlier decision and respond
consistently.

The key to using the principles of Commitment and Consistency to

manipulate people is held within the initial commitment. That is--after
making a commitment, taking a stand or position, people are more willing
to agree to requests that are consistent with their prior commitment. Many
compliance professionals will try to induce others to take an initial
position that is consistent with a behaviour they will later request.

Commitments are most effective when they are active, public, effortful,
and viewed as internally motivated and not coerced. Once a stand is taken,
there is a natural tendency to behave in ways that are stubbornly
consistent with the stand. The drive to be and look consistent constitutes a
highly potent tool of social influence, often causing people to act in ways
that are clearly contrary to their own best interests.

Commitment decisions, even erroneous ones, have a tendency to be self-

perpetuating--they often "grow their own legs." That is--those involved
may add new reasons and justifications to support the wisdom of
commitments they have already made. As a consequence, some
commitments remain in effect long after the conditions that spurred them
have changed. This phenomenon explains the effectiveness of certain
deceptive compliance practices.

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To recognize and resist the undue influence of consistency pressures upon
our compliance decisions--we can listen for signals coming from two
places within us--our stomach or "gut reaction" and our heart.

A bad feeling in the pit of the stomach may appear when we

realize that we are being pushed by commitment and consistency
pressures to agree to requests we know we don't want to perform.

Our heart may bother us when it is not clear that an initial

commitment was right.

At such points it is meaningful to ask a crucial question, "Knowing what I

know now, if I could go back, would I have made the same commitment?"

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3. Social Proof
One means used to determine what is correct is to find out what others
believe is correct. People often view a behaviour as more correct in a
given situation--to the degree that we see others performing it.

This principle of Social Proof can be used to stimulate a person's

compliance with a request by informing him or her that many other
individuals, perhaps some that are role models, are or have observed this
behaviour. This tool of influence provides a shortcut for determining how
to behave. But at the same time it can make those involved with using this
social shortcut--vulnerable to the manipulations of others who seek to
exploit such influence through such things as seminars, group introduction
dinners, retreats etc. Group members may then provide the models for the
behaviour that each group plans to produce in its potential new members.

Social proof is most influential under two conditions:

1. Uncertainty--when people are unsure and the situation is

ambiguous they are more likely to observe the behavior of others
and to accept that behavior as correct

2. Similarity--people are more inclined to follow the lead of others

who are similar.

Some recommendations on how to reduce susceptibility to contrived

social proofs would include a greater sensitivity to clearly counterfeit
evidence. That is--what others are doing and their behaviour should not
form a sole basis for decision-making.

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143
4. Liking
People prefer to say yes to individuals they know and like. This simple
rule helps to understand how Liking can create influence and how
compliance professionals may emphasize certain factors and/or attributes
to increase their overall attractiveness and subsequent effectiveness.
Compliance practitioners may regularly use several factors.

Physical attractiveness--is one feature of a person that often may help to

create some influence. Although it has long been suspected that physical
beauty provides an advantage in social interaction, research indicates that
this advantage may be greater than once supposed. Physical attractiveness
seems to engender a "halo" effect that extends to favourable impressions
of other traits such as talent, kindness, and intelligence. As a result,
attractive people are more persuasive both in terms of getting what they
request and in changing others' attitudes.

Similarity--is a second factor that influences both Liking and compliance.

That is--we like people who are like us and are more willing to say yes to
their requests, often without much critical consideration.

Praise--is another factor that produces Liking, though this can sometimes
backfire when they are crudely transparent. But generally compliments
most often enhance liking and can be used as a means to gain compliance.

Increased familiarity--through repeated contact with a person or thing is

yet another factor that normally facilitates Liking. But this holds true
principally when that contact takes place under positive rather than
negative circumstances. One positive circumstance that may works well is
mutual and successful cooperation.

A final factor linked to Liking is often association. By associating with

products or positive things--those who seek influence frequently share in a
halo effect by association. Other individuals as well appear to recognize
the positive effect of simply associating themselves with favourable
events and distancing themselves from unfavourable ones.

A potentially effective response that reduces vulnerability to the undue

influence of Liking upon decision-making requires a recognition of how
Liking and its attending factors may impact our impression of someone
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making requests and soliciting important decisions. That is-- recognizing
how someone making requests may do inordinately well under certain
circumstances--should cause us to step back from some social interaction
and objectively separate the requester from his or her offer or request. We
should make decisions, commitments and offer compliance based upon
the actual merits of the offer or request.

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5. Authority
In the seminal studies and research conducted by Milgram regarding
obedience there is evidence of the strong pressure within our society for
compliance when requested by an authority figure. The strength of this
tendency to obey legitimate authorities is derived from the systematic
socialization practices designed to instil in society the perception that such
obedience constitutes correct conduct. Additionally, it is also frequently
adaptive to obey the dictates of genuine authorities because such
individuals usually possess high levels of knowledge, wisdom, and power.
For these reasons, deference to authorities can occur in a mindless fashion
as a kind of decision-making shortcut. When reacting to authority in an
automatic fashion there is a tendency to often do so in response to the
mere symbols of authority rather than to its substance.

Three types of symbols have been demonstrated through research as

effective in this regard:
1. Titles
2. Clothing
3. Automobiles.
In separate studies investigating the influence of these symbols--
individuals that possessed one or another of these symbols, even without
other legitimizing credentials, were accorded more deference or
obedience by those they encountered. Moreover, in each instance, those
individuals who deferred and/or obeyed these individuals underestimated
the effect of authority pressures upon their behaviour.

Asking two questions can attain a meaningful defence against the

detrimental effects of undue influence gained through authority.
1. Is this authority truly an expert?
2. How truthful can we expect this expert to be?
The first question directs our attention away from symbols and toward
actual evidence for authority status. The second advises us to consider not
just the expert's knowledge in the situation, but also his or her
trustworthiness. With regard to this second consideration, we should be
alert to the trust-enhancing tactic in which a communicator may first
provide some mildly negative information about himself or herself. This

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can be seen as a strategy to create the perception of honesty--making
subsequent information seem more credible to those listening.

6. Scarcity
According to the Principle of Scarcity--people assign more value to
opportunities when they are less available. The use of this principle for
profit can be seen in such high-pressure sales techniques as only a
"limited number" now available and a "deadline" set for an offer. Such
tactics attempt to persuade people that number and/or time restrict access
to what is offered. The scarcity principle holds true for two reasons:

1. Things difficult to attain are typically more valuable. And the

availability of an item or experience can serve as a shortcut clue
or cue to its quality.

2. When something becomes less accessible, the freedom to have it

may be lost.

According to psychological reactance theory, people respond to the loss

of freedom by wanting to have it more. This includes the freedom to have
certain goods and services. As a motivator, psychological reactance is
present throughout the great majority of a person's life span. However, it
is especially evident at a pair of ages: "the terrible twos" and the teenage
years. Both of these periods are characterized by an emerging sense of
individuality, which brings to prominence such issues as control,
individual rights, and freedoms. People at these ages are especially
sensitive to restrictions.

In addition to its effect on the valuation of commodities, the Principle of

Scarcity also applies to the way that information is evaluated. Research
indicates that the act of limiting access to a message may cause
individuals to want it more and to become increasingly favorable to it.
The latter of these findings, that limited information is more persuasive--
seems the most interesting. In the case of censorship, this effect occurs
even when the message has not been received. When a message has been
received, it is more effective if it is perceived to consist of some type of
exclusive information.

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The scarcity principle is more likely to hold true under two optimizing
conditions

1. Scarce items are heightened in value when they are newly scarce.
That is things have higher value when they have become recently
restricted--more than those than those things that were restricted
all along have.

2. People are most attracted to scarce resources when they compete

with others for them.

It is difficult to prepare ourselves cognitively against scarcity pressures

because they have an emotional quality that makes thinking difficult. In
defence, we might attempt to be alert regarding the sudden rush of
emotions in situations involving scarcity. Perhaps this awareness may
allow us to remain calm and take steps to assess the merits of an
opportunity in terms of why we really want and objectively need.

This is based upon the summary notes within the book--Influence. By

Robert B. Cialdini, Ph.D. (Quill, NY, 1984 (Revised 1993)

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The Science of Persuasion - Summary

Six universal principles of persuasion are key to assuring you will

reap the affluence you need to live well and prosper.

Katya Andresen summarizes the principles espoused in The Psychology

of Persuasion, by Robert Cialdini.

1. The law of scarcity

Items are more valuable to us when their availability is limited.

Scarcity determines the value of an item. For example if a customer is told
that an item is in short supply which will soon run out they are more likely
to buy it. Time also works here. A time limit is placed on the customers
opportunity to buy something. Customers are told by the seller that unless
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they buy immediately, the price will increase next week. Auctions such as
ebay create a buyer frenzy often resulting in higher prices than the object's
value. If something is expensive, we tend to assume that it must be of high
quality because it is in demand: one jewellery shop doubled the priced of
its items and were surprised to find that sales increased!

For example, if you let an interviewer know that you have other interviews
coming up, they will be more interested in you as you are perceived as a
sought after candidate

Dale Carnegy:
Diplomacy: the art of letting someone have your own way.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the
right side.
Always and never are two words you should always remember
never to use.
You can close more business in two months by becoming
interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to
get people interested in you.

Scarcity Perceived scarcity fuels demand. Only four memberships

are left prompts action!

People stand in line to buy Cabbage Patch dolls and Harry Potter books
because they might run out! SO we need to let people know our events
may sell out; our challenge grant may run out, and the donor wall may
soon be filled up. Its important to be perceived as precious and sought
after. We must do what we can to make our organization and cause
beloved.

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2. The Law of reciprocity

If you give something to people, they

feel compelled to return the favour.
People feel obliged to return a favour
when somebody does something for
them first. They feel bad if they don't
reciprocate. "You scratch my back and
I'll scratch yours".

After someone has turned down a

large request, they are very likely to
agree to a smaller request. This is why
shop staff are trained to show the most
expensive item first. A salesman who suggested a 3 year warranty costing
100 found that most customers refused but were then happy to buy 1
year warranty costing 30.

Reciprocity People tend to return a favor, thus all those annoying

address labels charities send out as a fundraising ploy.

In a way, this is a version of the Golden Rule. Do unto others as

theyve done unto us. SO we have to remember to give something
to our prospects and donors if we want them to reciprocate.

3. The law of authority

We are more likely to comply with someone who is (or resembles) an

authority. In other words, people prefer to take advice from experts".
There is a deep seated duty to authority within us learned from parents,
school, religious authorities etc.

Authority People will tend to obey authority figures. Just check out
the well-dressed man in a suit jay-walking in the below video.
Everyone on the street corner follows. When he wears a sweatshirt,
no one follows. Thats the principle of authority at work.

If we have an expert or celebrity endorse us, or sign our fundraising letter,

often it lifts response. In fact, thanks to the information now readily
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available through social media, peer-peer information and expert points
of view have soared to the top of the trust pyramid. SO target your
best influencers, think about who can provide what I call The Good
Housekeeping Seal of Approval, and make sure your online presence is
your prospects reassuring friend . People need to be reassured that they
made a good decision in supporting you.

4. The law of liking

We are more inclined to follow the lead of someone who is similar to

us rather than someone who is dissimilar. We learn better from people
who are similar to us. We are more likely to help people who dress like
us, are the same age as us, or have similar backgrounds and interests. We
even prefer people whose names are similar to ours. For this reason, sales
trainers teach trainees to mirror and match the customers body posture,
mood and verbal style.

Research at the University of Sussex found that people more easily

remember faces of their own race, age group or gender than those of
others.

It's also very important to remember and use people's names. Others are
much more likely to like you and respond to you if you say "Hello Sarah"
rather than just "Hello".

Liking People are easily persuaded by other people whom they like.
You want your champions spreading the word about your cause
among their friends and family.

We tend to like people we perceive to be like us. SO we need to show

our supporters how were like them; how the values we enact are values
they share. And, we need to get to know our supporters better. Familiarity
fosters likeability. This means in-person visits, phone calls and dialogues
on social networks. We need to listen; then be responsive.

The law of social proof

We view a behaviour as more likely to be correct, the more we see

others performing it. We assume that if a lot of people are doing the
same thing, they must know something that we dont. Especially when we

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are uncertain, we are more likely to trust in the collective knowledge of
the crowd. This explains herd or lemming behaviour. For example when
there is panic in the stock market everyone follows everyone else and
sells, however great investors such as Warren Buffett, know that this is
the time when the best bargains are to be had, and instead, buy.

Social Proof People will do what other people are doing. Thats why
its great to show who is taking action for your cause others are
likely to conform.

People decide whats right for them based on what others like them are
doing. Its a decision-making short cut. SO we need to let board
members know what other board members are giving, tell banks that other
banks are sponsoring us, and so on. And, of course, if youve got great
Yelp reviews and FB likes, by all means promote them.

The law of commitment and consistency

Consistency is seen as desirable as it is associated with strength,

honesty, stability and logic. Inconsistent people may be seen as two-
faced, indecisive and "butterflies": never committing themselves for long
enough to complete tasks. People will do more to stay consistent with
their commitments and beliefs if they have already taken a small initial
step.

If you can get someone to do you a small favour, they are more likely to
grant you a larger favour later on. If someone does you a favour, let
them know afterwards what happened: they will appreciate your
feedback and may be able to help you further in future.

We evaluate a university more positively when we have got into it or a car

we have bought when we own it. We look for the good points in the
choice we have made or items we have bought as this justifies to
ourselves our consistency of choice.

Commitment and Consistency If people commit to an idea or goal,

they are more likely to follow through. Its why pledging is a great
option for people who arent ready to take action.

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Its equally true that people will continue to do what theyve already
done. SO we must remind donors theyve supported us before, and ask
them to continue. Plus lets enroll folks in a legacy society before they
revoke their bequest.

The essential keys are:

Each principle is a map of sorts a guide down the path towards

yes. Whether you join Cialdini in believing that persuasion is a science,
or if you fall more into the camp of applied psychology or art, the
principles outlined above ring true. If we think about the principles, we
can use them to influence supporters to do what they presumably already
want to do create positive change in the world.

Using influence intelligently is neither sleazy nor Machiavellian. As

long as our ends are not evil, we can all benefit from applying the
influence keys. Remember: Influencing people to do something positive
theyre already predisposed to do something that matches their values
and makes them feel good is a fine thing.

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Techniques That Make You Powerful,
Persuasive and Influential
Author AJ Kumar

Power. Persuasion. Influence. These are things that we all lust over day in
and day out. It is part of human nature to want to be in control (hence the
reason we fear death and public speaking, the outcomes are unsure and
hence, we are frightened of them.) This will teach you five of the most
EFFECTIVE to be powerfully influential and gain control, whether it is in
your business dealings or when you are out and about trying to gain
access to that really exclusive club.

Technique #1: The Because Technique

We have all met people who have this unique ability that they can simply
say something and you will just seem to agree with it. They just have a
way with words and we find ourselves wanting to go along with whatever
they say. Well check this out: A study was done where they had a young
lady approach people waiting at the copy machine and she said this:
Excuse, may I cut in front, I am in a rush.
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So guess how many people let her cut? 60% which isnt bad mind you.
But then they tried it again (on a different group of people) but THIS time
they had her say, Excuse me, may I cut in front of you because I am in a
rush. Guess what percentage of people let her cut in front now. Ninety
percent!

Did you see the difference in what she said because that is the key? The
first time she said: Excuse me, May I cut in front, I am in a rush and the
second time she said, Excuse me, may I cut in front BECAUSE I am in a
rush. That little word, Because changed the compliance rate within
people from 60% to 90% which is an incredible jump!

So why does this happen? The answer is simple. We as humans need

reasons for things and the second we are given a reason for something we
go along with it as opposed to questioning it. So give people a reason for
why you want them to do something and people are going to start
listening to you 40% more automatically! We should go on a date
because you are going to love hanging out with me. You should buy
this plan because it is the best one on the market for you! Seemingly tailor
made to your situations because it has X, Y and Z.

Technique #2: The Social Expectancy

Effect:
This is one of my personal favorite techniques and I have personally
watched this work on some of the hardest lined bastards of the investment
and real estate worlds. Here is the basic idea. As much as we pretend we
dont want to conform and we all want to be individual we all have this
inner need to conform to what society thinks of us. (Even gothic people,
considered the ultimate anti conformists still conform to what they
believe is society!) So watch this:

BY SIMPLY SAYING HOW YOU WANT A PERSON TO BEHAVE

THEY ARE GOING TO DO IT!

But you have to know the trick.

What you do to make this work is you have to tell the person how
OTHER people have told you what that person is like. So for instance,
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lets say you are about to meet somebody who you need to like you. What
you are going to say is this:

Hi, its so nice to meet you. Everyone has told me that you are a very
open minded, fun person. I like meeting people like that. Now several
things have happened here:

1) Because we as humans want to conform, what is going to happen is

that this person will want to prove society right by now behaving the way
you said! Since he or she believes that everybody else that knows them
thinks that they are fun and open-minded they will behave like that so that
way everyone is right! This is an incredibly powerful technique that has
yet to fail me!

2) You have flattered them without seeming like a kiss up! Because you
arent the one who said it, other people said it so you are off the hook!
You are merely the messenger but it definitely still puts the other person
in a good mood.

Technique #3: The Foot in the Door Effect

This is also known as The Yes Train and I remember the first time I
tried it I was floored at how well it worked! I had first read it in a
persuasion book by Kevin Hogan many years ago and had dismissed it.
Then I started seeing it more and more in different publications and
decided to give it a whirl. Lets just say that it works incredibly.

Basically its this: While you are talking to someone get them to say yes,
and continue to get them to say yes. What this does is that it gets the
person used to saying yes to you so when the time comes to ask them
whether they want to buy a certain product, or whether they want to go on
a date with you, or whether they want to buy you that pretty sparkly four
carrot ring (as my current girlfriend keeps pestering me for) they will do
it!

Getting a person to say yes is very simple. While you are talking to them
ask, Are you an open minded person?- they will say yes. Do you like
having amazing times?- yes. Do you enjoy long walks on the beach?-
yes. Do you want to meet new, fun adventurous people?- yes. Do you

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want to come with me to this really cool drum circle party on the beach
Friday night?- yes.

Its as simple as that. Do anything to get the person continuously saying

yes and they will say yes afterward just because it fits with everything
else!

Technique #4: Hijacking the Brain

No you are not going to hold anybody up at gunpoint. Its going to be
much more subtle than that. Have you ever gotten the feeling where you
just knew that somebody got you? Like you knew that you and that other
person were kind of on the same wavelength. I am sure that you have.
Well there is a reason why you feel that with some people. Basically,
when we see that somebody else is feeling the same thing we are feeling
we assume that the person is exactly like us! Since they are feeling the
same as we are they must be the same as we are. (Thats why there seems
to be this unexplainable connection with the other people in comedy clubs
or horror rides because we are all reacting the same way, therefore, we are
all feeling the same way, and therefore we must all have the same types of
personalities!)

And what happens is this. When you successfully hijack someones brain
they are going to listen to you and be much more likely to comply with
you since they see you as them! Its an incredible thing to watch happen!
So how do you do it? Simple:

START TAKING GUESSES AS TO HOW SOMEONE IS FEELING

AND VERBALIZE IT!

For instance lets say you are trying to sell somebody a certain product
and they walk in. A good thing to start off saying would be, Now I know
you might be skeptical about coming in and thinking we are going to try
to trick you but the truth is ______ BECAUSE_____. Right there you
have a dynamite sentence that is going to open up this potential client!

Or, I know you must be feeling nervous going out on a first date with a
guy you barely know, but lets take nervousness and turn it into

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excitement. - And then proceed to be fun, light and outgoing to help
further put the person at ease.

Start taking guesses as to how others are feeling and verbalize it. If you
are wrong they wont remember but if you are RIGHT they will
remember for a very long time! (This is how mentalists and psychics are
still around, but thats for a different article.)

Technique #5: Half and Half

And last but certainly not least we have the Half and Half- technique.
This technique is used tremendously by hypnotists and is incredibly
powerful and yet easy to pull off! Basically check this out. Psychological
studies have shown that when we agree with the first half of a statement
we automatically have to agree with the second half of it! So a classic
hypnotist induction is:

As you sit there with your feet on the floor and your hands on the
armrest you can start to feel your eyelids becoming heavier and heavier.

Because the person agrees with the first part (after all, they are sitting
there with their feet on the floor and their hands on the armrests- that part
is true- so it must be the second part of that statement, that the eyelids are
getting heavy- is also true and they begin to feel their eyelids getting
heavier!)

But how do you use this in real life? Well simple, when you are talking to
somebody you are trying to persuade, say something at the beginning that
is factual that they have to agree with, You are a man with principles and
therefore you can see how good this would be for your company.

Or my personal favorite, You as a woman(or man), can certainly agree

with the fact that
By saying that at the beginning they have to agree, because nobody is
going to argue on their gender.

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160
Effective Influence Techniques
Copyright: Michael Lee,

It's easy to persuade anyone if you know the right influence techniques to
use. Here's a list of 7 powerful methods to get the most out of your
persuasion efforts.

# 1: Start your discussion on the right track.

One of the biggest mistakes people make in persuasion is that they start
talking about a topic or situation that the other person is not yet aware or
familiar with.

I have a friend who often dives into the middle of a story or subject,
which leaves me (and I assume many other people) clueless on what he's
talking about. It's important to start your discussion on a point that people
can relate to, preferably from the very beginning, unless you're sure that
they already know the foundation of the topic of discussion.

# 2: Be crystal clear in imparting your message.

When you say, "He's mad" do you mean he's angry or do you mean he's
crazy? Whenever you're going to say or write something that is vague or
may lead to miscommunication, it's highly recommended that you change
the words in a way that imparts a clear message.

# 3: Give them a summary

or an overall glimpse of the big picture.
This is vital when talking about something that takes a little (or a lot
more) time to comprehend. This way, they can better relate the discussion
to the big picture and "absorb" what you're saying.

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 # 4: Stay humble.
Never brag or be arrogant because it's a big
turn-off. The other party may think (in his
own mind) that he's better than you, and
you'll just bruise his ego.

You may even feign to not know things

you may already be aware of, if it would
give you an edge in persuading him. Give
him the impression that you are an ally, and
not in competition with him.

# 5: Pay attention to what is being said

instead of thinking what you'll say next.
This may be a little difficult for you to do initially. That's why it is critical
to practice & enhance your persuasion skills until it becomes a part of
you. When listening, don't interrupt while they're talking. Wait a second
or two before you speak. Avoid changing subjects because this indicates
your disinterest.

# 6: Choose the right time.

When they're not in the mood or when they're pressed with time, your
persuasion efforts may just fall into deaf ears because they will not give
you attention.

Ask first if you can have a few minutes of their time. If they say it's not a
good time, ask for a time that fits their schedule.

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# 7: Never disrespect anyone.
Watch out for the body signals that you
are giving away. You might be pouting
your lips, breathing heavily, shaking
your head, or rolling your eyes without
you being aware that you're offending
others.

Watch your language too. If saying

"Whatever," "Oh brother," or "Yeah
right" is part of your lingo, practice
taking them out of your vocabulary.

Practice and apply these 7 persuasion

tactics, and you'll be able to influence
people faster than anyone else.

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Techniques To Increase Your Influencing
Skills
by David Patmore

Have you ever wondered why a

particular person gets
everything that he or she wants
and you dont? Have you ever
asked the question; What does
he or she have that I dont?
Well, if this seems familiar then
perhaps you need to increase
your influencing skills! To be
able to persuade others is not as
difficult as it may sometimes
seem. To tap into your hidden
potential all that is required is a
little bit of commitment to go that extra mile.

If you have a desire to improve your influencing skills, perhaps for a great
business idea or a way to improve the product, you need to put it forward
in such a way that everyone will be convinced about it. Here are 4 things
that can help to improve your ability to influence others.

1. The Power of Externalisation

When you are putting forth an idea make sure that you have a clear
understanding of the situation. Suppose you are thinking about a problem
that has hampered the production, you should have clear understanding
about the problem and you should be convinced that the solution you are
offering will be an effective tool to resolve the problem. Only then can
you persuade the management and your team to work on your idea.

So try and get in the habit of using a portion of your time to reflect upon
and document your thoughts. There has been much research done with
regards to the power of downloading our internal thoughts and clutter on
to paper. A simple tool and technique, which I find helpful, is the mind
map. I will have to say, the mind map has saved my bacon on several
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occasions just because I took the time to reflect and put my thoughts to
paper.

If you want to know more about mind mapping you can google it or you
may like to download some free software called FREEMIND. If you are
interested, just click the following link and check it out.

http://freemind.sourceforge.net

2. Dont Waffle
When you are trying to develop your influencing skills, you will have to
learn to be concise! Use just enough words to explain the idea. It should
be long enough to be able to explain it in totality and spark the other
partys interest, without going too far and self sabotaging. It is too easy to
continue to expand on things and try and come at your points from many
different ways, and some of us have expressive personalities that struggle
to keep things concise, but the key is that most people respond far better
to concise communication.

3. Perception is Key
How you present your idea or proposal makes all the difference. The way
you speak will influence your audience. One thing that can be useful is to
study the style of the other partys communication. Is it detailed or bottom
lined, are they more assertive or introverted when they communicate and
are they more people or task orientated? Watch out for those signs and
then mirror their style. With assertive and introverted you dont mirror, in
fact you use normal questioning techniques in both of these styles to
facilitate the discussion. This allows you to make your points at
appropriate moments.

4. Looking for The Hidden Opportunities

Choosing correct timing is of the most importance. When you are looking
to persuade a group of people, they have to be in the correct frame of
mind to listen to you. So learning to choose correct timing is a vital skill
worth acquiring. Once you have your audiences undivided attention you
can then put forth your idea.

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It is also useful to note that some subjects need the right environment and
space for discussion, so be sensitive to the moment. Reading the situation
can help you to decide whether it is the appropriate time and place. On the
other hand sometimes there is no appropriate moment, so the balance to
this thought is dont be too backward in coming forward either.

166
ROBERT CIALDINI:
The Rules of Persuasion
How to successfully persuade, influence
and motivate other people?

Table of Contents
Introduction

Chapter 1 - The Power of Persuasion

Chapter 2 - The Twelve Rules of Persuasion

Chapter 3 - The Rule of Dissonance--Internal Pressure Is the Secret

Chapter 4 - The Rule of Obligation--How to Get Anyone to Do a

Favor for You

Chapter 5 - The Rule of Connectivity--Contagious Cooperation

Chapter 6 - The Rule of Social Validation--The Art of Social Pressure

Chapter 7 - The Rule of Scarcity--Get Anyone to Take Immediate

Action

Chapter 8 - The Rule of Verbal Packaging--The Leverage of

Language

Chapter 9 - The Rule of Contrast--How to Create Extra Value

Chapter 10 - The Rule of Expectations--The Impact of Suggestion

Chapter 11 - The Rule of Involvement--Create and Awaken Curiosity

Chapter 12 - The Rule of Esteem--How Praise Releases Energy

Chapter 13 - The Rule of Association--Create the Climate

167
Chapter 14 - The Rule of Balance--Logical Mind vs. Emotional Heart

Chapter 15 - Your Persuasion Checklist--The Inside Secrets of

Maximum Influence

About the source of the text:

WHAT IS TOASTMASTERS?

Toastmasters International is a non-profit organization dedicated to

helping people improve their public speaking and leadership skills. The
organization has existed for more than 75 years and has chapters in more
than 50 countries.

ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS?

e-mail : info@WestsideToastmasters.com .... Or Call Gary at +1

(310) 202-0792

168
Introduction
Do you realize how much your professional success, your personal
relationships, your leadership potential, and your income depend on your
ability to persuade, influence, and motivate other people? Whatever you
want to achieve, this guide will enable making it happen. Proven tactics
show you how to:
Read people instantly.
Have people trust and like you instinctively.
Master persuasion techniques that 99% of people don't even know
exist.
And persuade anyone to give you almost anything anywhere,
anytime!
Napoleon Hill said, "Persuasion is the magic ingredient that will help you
to forge ahead in your profession or business and to achieve happy and
lasting personal relationships." As we all know, persuasion is the skill of
the ultra-prosperous. It is how people gain power and influence. It is how
people create staggering wealth how businesses thrive, how books are
published, how properties are purchased, and how Web sites sell millions
of dollars worth of product. Persuasion is the life-blood of powerful and
effective day-to-day living. The art of persuasion is what makes the world
turn.

The powerful, time-tested, and proven techniques in the following pages

will equip the reader with the tools necessary to make profound life
changes. These very Rules of persuasion have helped thousands of others
apply them in both their business and personal lives to strengthen
relationships, to create wealth, to transform careers, to influence lives for
the better. Each one of the laws discussed will improve your success
dramatically, even doubling and tripling your income.

The Five Ps Of Success

To help you as you learn the techniques and strategies of Maximum
Influence, let me outline what I call the Five Ps of Success.

The first P is psyche. All the best techniques and tools will not help
you until you first believe in yourself. The right psyche involves knowing

169
what you want and having a plan to get it. When your psyche is in its
proper place, you will always follow your heart.

The second P is persistence. Persistence is the number one reason

why people are successful in life.

The next P is personal development. All top producers have a

personal development program. There is a direct relationship between
your personal development program and your income. So invest in your
future by investing in your personal development.

Do you know the number one thing that will change someones mind? Its
the fourth Ppassion. When you have passion for something youre
excited about, you have zeal and you want to share it with the world.
Passion alone can be effective in swaying opinion and getting people to
support your product or service. Passion springs from a combination of
belief, enthusiasm, and emotion. Find passion for your product and find
joy in helping others enjoy it.

The fifth and final P is persuasion. The basic premise is to get what
you want when you want it, and in the process to win friends and to help
people love doing what you want them to do.

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Chapter 1
The Power of Persuasion
Overview

The most important persuasion tool you have in your entire arsenal is
integrity.

ZIG ZIGLAR

Understanding the theories of persuasion, motivation, and influence will

put you in life's driver's seat. Why? Because everything you want, or will
want, in life comes from these three simple concepts. Did you know that
less than 1 percent of the world's population understand and can actually
apply the twelve Rules of Persuasion? Therefore, as I reveal the secrets of
influence and science of persuasion, you will be able to persuade and
influence with complete accuracy. You will gain instant influence over
others and inspire others to take action, all while getting exactly what you
want from life. You will win people to your way of thinking and will
empower yourself with an unshakable confidence. You will triple your
prosperity in sales and marketing. You will become a captivating magnet
of success.

As you develop what I call Maximum Influence, others will be drawn to

you as metal filings are drawn to a powerful magnet. Financial, social,
and personal success will come to you. Gateways previously closed to you
will swing wide open and the world of opportunity will beat a path to your
door. The life-changing skills and techniques described in this resource
are based on timeless, proven principles. They have been developed from
countless hours of persuasion research and exhaustive studies into human
nature. And now, for the first time, they are being unveiled to you.

This guide teaches the twelve critical Rules of Persuasion and instructs
you on how to utilize these cutting-edge persuasion strategies so you can
gain the influence you need NOW. You'll learn how to make people
instinctively like and trust you, something that might otherwise take you
years to accomplish. No longer will you face the unexpected with fear or
intimidation. Rather, you will confront it head on with credibility, control,
and confidence. Day in and day out, you will turn each challenge facing

171
you into a winning situation. In short, you will be a master of your own
destiny.

Persuasion: The Heartbeat of Our Economy

The power of persuasion is of extraordinary and critical importance in

today's world. Nearly every human encounter includes an attempt to gain
influence or to persuade others to our way of thinking. Regardless of age,
profession, religion, or philosophical beliefs, people are always trying to
persuade each other. We all want to be able to persuade and influence so
others will listen to, trust, and follow us. A recent study by economists
found that a whopping 26 percent of gross domestic product was directly
attributable to the use of persuasion skills in the marketplace.[1]
Persuasion is the gas to our economy's engine. Think about it $2.3
trillion of our gross domestic product comes from the skills of persuasion
and influence. You rarely see large corporations downsizing their sales
forces. Sales professionals are assets to the company, not liabilities. Top
notch persuaders will always find employment, even in the slowest of
economies.

The ability to persuade is power, for good or for bad. Think of all the
people in your life who have persuaded you to reach higher and achieve
greatness. Persuasive people keep kids off drugs, prevent wars, and
improve lives. Of course, persuasive people also get kids on drugs, stir up
wars, and destroy lives. We want to focus on the power of persuasion for
the improvement and betterment of ourselves, our friends and families,
and our communities. Let's face it, though: Most of us are not born
persuaders. For the majority of us, the arts of persuasion and influence are
not gifts we inherently possess. Sure, there are the stereotypical
persuaders who are naturally friendly, outgoing, and sometimes loud.
Research reveals, however, that some of the best persuaders are actually
introverts.

For many, the notion of becoming a polished persuader means being

forceful, manipulative, or pushy. Such an assumption is dead wrong.
Tactics like these might get results for the short term, but Maximum
Influence is about getting results for the long term. Lasting influence isn't
derived from calculated maneuvers, deliberate tactics, or intimidation.
Rather, proper implementation of the latest persuasion strategies will
allow you to influence with the utmost integrity. People will naturally and

172
automatically trust you, have confidence in you, and want to be persuaded
by you. In short, they will want to do what you want them to do.

It is a common misconception that only individuals involved in sales,

marketing, or leadership positions need to learn the Rules of Persuasion.
This is simply not true! Sales professionals, business managers, parents,
negotiators, lawyers, coaches, speakers, advertisers, and doctors can all
use these skills. Everyone needs persuasion skills, no matter their
occupation. What people don't realize is that everyone uses the techniques
and tactics of persuasion each day. People constantly study one another,
trying to figure out how to get someone to do what they want them to do.
Needless to say, mastering communication and understanding human
nature are essential life lessons if we want to effectively persuade and
influence people. We can't get anywhere in life unless we are able to work
with other human beings. It is through our dealings with others that we
achieve success. No one is self-sufficient. Everything of any value that we
accomplish in life is achieved through the support and help of the people
around us. As a society, we are interconnected, and the ability to make
those connections is vital to our success.
[1]Amanda Bennett, "Economist plus meeting equals a zillion causes and
effects," Wall Street Journal, January 10, 1995.

Used for You or Against You

Advertisers spend billions of dollars researching and analyzing our

psycho-graphics and demographics to figure out how to subtly persuade
us. Roselli, Skelly, and Mackie point out that "even by conservative
estimates, the average person is exposed to 300 to 400 persuasive media
messages a day from the mass media alone."[2] We are bombarded with
thousands of persuasive messages each day through a myriad of sources,
including newspapers, magazines, billboards, signs, packaging, the
Internet, direct mail, radio, TV, mail order, catalogs, coworkers,
management, sales professionals, and even parents or children. The
question is: Are these tactics being used for you or against you?
Thousands, even millions, are persuaded against their better judgment
every day, simply because they are unequipped to accurately interpret and
effectively respond to the advertising barrage we perpetually face. In this
case, what you don't know will hurt you. Persuasive influences flood our
daily existence and are inescapable. It is without question in our best

173
interest to master Maximum Influence, know how it works, and learn how
to implement its proven techniques so we are empowered today.
[2]F. Roselli, J. J. Skelly, and D. M. Mackie, "Processing Rational and Emotional
Messages: The Cognitive and Affective Mediation of Persuasion," Journal of
Experimental Applied Social Psychology 163 (1995).

When You Have the Right Tools You Will Succeed

Let's be honest: We all want and need things from other people. We want
people to follow, trust, and accept us. We want to influence others to our
way of thinking. We want to get what we want when we want it.
Possessing the right tools and knowing how to use them is the secret to
success.

Maximum Influence supplies a complete toolbox of effective persuasion

techniques. Most people use the same limited persuasion tools over and
over, achieving only temporary, limited, or even undesired results. You
can do only so many things with a hammer, right? We need to open our
minds to the whole toolbox of persuasion and influence. We have all
heard the maxim: "If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see
every problem as a nail." The problem is, everyone is not a nail. The art of
persuasion must be customized to every group or individual, to every
situation or event. It's like playing the piano with only two or three notes:
You're playing "Chopsticks" when you should be playing Mozart. When
you play with all the keys of persuasion and influence, you can create a
masterpiece with your life.

Definitions

Persuasion is the process of changing or reforming attitudes, beliefs,

opinions, or behaviors toward a predetermined outcome through voluntary
compliance. If you properly implement the strategies of Maximum
Influence, you'll persuade others not only to want what you want, but also
to be eager to do what you want. Note that persuasion is not the same as
negotiation, a term that suggests some degree of backing down or meeting
in the middle. Rather than compromising, as in negotiation, effective
persuasion will actually convince the opposing party to abandon their
previous position and embrace yours.

174
 Influence is who you are and how you, as a person, will impact the
message. This includes whether you are viewed as trustworthy and
credible, for example.

Power increases your ability to persuade and influence. This power can
be seen with people who possess knowledge, have authority, or use
coercion during a persuasion process.

Motivation is the ability to incite others to act in accordance with the

suggestions and ideals you have posed. Motivation is your "call to action,"
or what you want your audience to do.

Persuasion and Rhetoric

One's ability to persuade meant great social prestige in the ancient Greek
world. Homer regarded the rhetorical skills of Nestor and Odysseus as
tremendous inborn gifts. It was Aristotle who first introduced persuasion
as a skill that could be learned. At that time, rhetorical training became
the craze for the citizens of Athens, especially the politically elite. The
first book ever written on persuasion was Aristotle's The Art of Rhetoric.
The book's basic principles established a foundation for persuasion that
still holds true today.[3]

Aristotle taught that rhetoric was an art form that could be approached
systematically by a formula for all persuasive attempts. Aristotle's most
famous contribution to persuasion was his three means of persuasion:
ethos, pathos, and logos. He argued that the most effective persuasive
attempts contain all three concepts, setting an unshakable foundation for
success. Let's briefly review Aristotle's three basic means of persuasion.

Ethos

Ethos refers to the personal character of the speaker. Aristotle believed

that audiences could be persuaded if they perceived a speaker as credible.
In his own estimation: "We believe good men more fully and readily than
others." Aristotle also stated that "ethos is not a thing or a quality but an
interpretation that is the product of the speaker-audience interaction."[4]
Ethos includes such things as body type, height, movement, dress,
grooming, reputation, vocal quality, word choice, eye contact, sincerity,
trust, expertise, charisma. . . well, you get the idea. It is the audience's
perception of the credibility of the speaker.
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Aristotle taught that ethos was the most powerful of the three persuasive
means. Indeed, scientific research has proven the power of individual
ethos. A study by Hovland and Weiss gave students messages that were
identical in all respects except for their source. High-credibility sources
yielded large opinion changes in the students while low-credibility
sources produced small opinion changes.[5]

Pathos

Pathos is the psychological state of the audience. The psychological or

emotional state of the listener can affect persuasion because "our
judgment when we are pleased and friendly [is] not the same as when we
are pained and hostile."[6] When considering pathos, it is important to
know both the individual's actual state of mind and his desired state of
mind. When you determine the difference between the two, you can use
that knowledge to your advantage. By helping them see how they can get
from their current state to their desired state, you can persuade people to
do just about anything.

Logos

Logos is the substance of a message, or the logic presented to provide

proof to the listener. Aristotle believed that humans are fundamentally
reasonable people who make decisions based on what makes sense. This
manner of reasoning is what enables the audience to find the message
persuasive and convincing.

Aristotle's three concepts are central to understanding modern-day

persuasion. The principles and laws described in Maximum Influence are
founded upon the principles presented by Aristotle and the ancient
Greeks. Admittedly, however, the times and the means of persuasion have
changed over the years. It is more difficult now than in any other time in
history to persuade and influence those around us. In Aristotle's time, the
people had limited access to information and most could not read. That
gave Aristotle an advantage we no longer have today.

Modern-day Persuaders run into three major factors that make persuasion
a greater challenge than it was in the past. First, people are better educated
and have access to more information than they did in any other time in
history. With the explosion of the Internet, information is instantly
available. We can now find out the cost of a car before we even enter the
176
dealership. The second roadblock to persuasion is that today's consumers
are increasingly doubtful and skeptical. The number of persuasive
arguments we see and hear every day is growing at an alarming rate, and
it takes more and more effort to sort out the valid offers from the scams.
The third barrier to persuasion is choice. Now, via the Internet, the
consumer has access to the world market. In the past, if you had the only
bookstore in town, that is where people had to shop. Now, one bookstore
owner has to compete with hundreds of bookstores around the globe and
with Amazon for the same business.
[3]Aristotle, The Art of Rhetoric, translation by H. C. Lawson-Tancred (New
York: Penguin Books, 1991).

[4]Ibid.

[5]Carl Hovland and I. Weiss, "The Influence of Source Credibility on

Communication Effectiveness," Walter Public Opinion Quarterly 15 (1951):
635650.

[6]Aristotle, The Art of Rhetoric.

Persuasion, Communication, and Knowledge Breed Confidence

The greatest common denominator of the ultra-prosperous is that wealthy

people are master communicators. There is a direct correlation between
your ability to persuade others and the level of your income. Impeccable
and masterful communication unarguably leads to wealth. The highest
paid and most powerful people on the planet are all master
communicators. These individuals put themselves at stake in front of large
groups, communicating and persuading in such a way that people are
inspired to support them. Your financial success in life will be largely
determined by your ability to communicate with other people. Everything
you want, but don't currently have, you will have to get from others. Your
ability to effectively communicate and persuade will be your key to
riches.

Persuasion is also your golden ticket to promotion. Communication skills

rank number one of all the personal qualities employers seek in college
graduates.[7] While most people shy away from overtly persuasive
situations, master communicators welcome such opportunities. Master
communicators feel in control of challenging situations because they

177
understand the art of persuasion and they know how to recognize and use
persuasive strategies.
[7]Wall Street Journal, December 29, 1998.

The Foundational Principles of Persuasion

The Rules of Persuasion Are Neutral

Central to understanding persuasion is the concept of neutrality. The

Rules of Persuasion are neither good nor evil. They simply exist. Just as
nuclear energy can be used to create electricity or an atomic bomb,
persuasion can be used to create unity or to force compliance. Whether
the outcome is good or bad depends on the person using the laws and how
that person applies the techniques of persuasion. Some people desire to
win at any cost, using any available tactics including misusing the Rules
of Persuasion. These individuals are willing to use guilt, violence,
intimidation, temptation, bribery, and blackmail to get the desired result.

However, when used properly, persuasion is our best friend. Through

persuasion we create peace agreements, promote fund-raising efforts, and
convince motorists to buckle up. Persuasion is the means by which the
coach of an underdog team inspires players to win. It is also the method
employed by the Surgeon General to convince people to have regular
mammograms and prostate examinations, by managers to increase
employee performance and morale, and by hostage negotiators to
convince criminals to free their captives.

This guide focuses on using Maximum Influence in positive ways. Misuse

of the laws will only come back to haunt you in the long run. You might
get short-term instant results, but your long-term future will be bleak. The
tools outlined in this resource are powerful and are not to be used
selfishly. They should not be considered a means of gaining a desired
result at any cost. Rather, you should use these tools to get your desired
outcome only when it is a win-win situation for all involved.

The fable of the sun and the wind provides an excellent example of
properly implemented persuasion. The sun and the wind were always
arguing about which of them was the strongest. The wind believed he was
stronger because of his destructive power in tornados and hurricanes. He
wanted the sun to admit he was stronger, but the sun held fast to his own

178
opinion and could not be convinced. One day the sun decided he wanted
the matter settled once and for all, so he invited the wind to compete with
him in a contest. The sun chose the contest carefully. He pointed out an
old man taking a walk, and challenged the wind to use his power to blow
the man's jacket off. The wind felt this would be an easy contest to win
and began to blow. To his surprise, each gust of wind only made the man
cling more tightly to his jacket. The wind blew harder, and the man held
on tighter. The harder the wind blew, the more the man resisted. The
powerful blows of wind even knocked the man down, but he would not let
go of his jacket. Finally, the wind gave up and challenged the sun to
succeed in getting the man to take off his jacket. The sun smiled and
shone radiantly upon the man. The man felt the warmth of the sun, and
sweat began to appear on his forehead. The sun continued pouring out
warmth and sunshine upon the man and, at last, the man took off his
jacket. The sun had won the contest. This is an example of Maximum
Influence at its best. If your attempt to persuade is a win-win, others will
be eager to do what you want them to do. As you perform the exercises
and techniques outlined in this guide, you will notice powerful changes in
your ability to persuade and influence others.

Persuasion Must Have an Audience

The art of persuading and influencing others always requires an audience,

whether it's a single person, a small group of ten, or a much larger
assembly of listeners. This component is constant, so it is critical to know
how to adapt quickly to your audience's needs, wants, fears, and desires.
Knowing how to research and read your audience will help you determine
which tools or techniques will be the most effective in any given situation.
Using the wrong techniques and tools, on the other hand, will
automatically create barriers between you and your audience, which in
turn will diminish your potential to persuade them. When you effectively
integrate the principles and Rules of Persuasion with the characteristics of
influence, power, and motivation, your audience will always be friendly,
and desirable results will be the outcome. In Chapter 15, Your Pre-
Persuasion Checklist, I will spend more time on how to analyze, adapt to,
and read your audience.

Effective Persuasion Requires Adaptation

Have you ever tried the same approach with a customer that your boss
uses on you and had it bomb miserably? Becoming an effective persuader
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requires more than mimicking other persuaders. You must not only fully
understand the wide variety of persuasive techniques available, but you
must also be ready to use the techniques best suited for any given
situation. Acquiring this level of skill demands a commitment to watch,
analyze, study, and apply the concepts of Maximum Influence.

Human nature is as varied as the colors of the rainbow. Human actions

and thoughts are never perfectly predictable because each of us has
different emotions, attitudes, beliefs, personalities, and traits. A beginner's
tendency is to find one persuasive technique that works and stick with
that. Unfortunately, you cannot use the same persuasion tool on everyone.
Depending on the situation and the techniques you use, people will agree
with you, refuse to listen, or be indifferent to your efforts. Persuaders
have many tools and can therefore adapt and customize them to suit any
situation or personality.

Effective Persuasion Has Lasting Impact

Do you want short-term temporary results or long-term permanent

results? Effective persuasion has lasting impact, but it requires dedicated
study and long-term commitment on the part of the persuader. The
Hierarchy of Persuasion (Figure 1-1) sheds light on how the world uses
different levels of persuasion, ranging from control at the most short-term
level to genuine commitment at the long-term level.

The qualities listed at the base of the pyramid are the most easily and
commonly used, but they achieve only temporary results. Such results are
temporary because they do not address a person's genuine wants or
desires. Persuasion based on the qualities listed at the top of the pyramid
is effective whether pressure is perceived or not. Such a method creates
lasting results because it taps into and involves a person's true interests.
Determining whether you want short or long-term results dictates which
area on the pyramid should be the focus of your efforts.

Imagine the CEO of a large corporation calling one of his vice presidents
to a meeting. At the meeting, the vice president is informed that he must
raise $20,000 in employee contributions for a charity the company is
going to sponsor. The CEO is not concerned with the means the vice
president uses as long as they result in a check for $20,000. Raising such a
sum requires getting $100 from each employee a daunting endeavor!
The vice president considers the various ways he could accomplish this
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task. It would be both easy and quick to approach the employees using
control. He could use fear or threats to obtain the money. This do-it-or-
else mentality would get immediate results. The long-term impact,
however, would likely involve rebellion, revenge, and resentment. What
about coercion? Surely the employees would provide the requested
donation if they were told doing otherwise would negatively affect their
next job evaluation. Would this tactic get immediate results? Sure. Again,
however, the long-term effects would be resentment, rebellion, and
revenge.

The vice president decides control and/or coercion do not provide the best
outcomes. Next he considers compliance. If he offered incentives,
benefits, or rewards, it would be a win-win situation, right? Suppose each
employee who donates $100 gets an extra two weeks of paid vacation.
The problem is, once the incentive is gone, compliance will also
disappear. He might get the $100 this time, but what about the next time
he asks for a donation? This method is still only a temporary fix because
the employees will be conditioned to always expect a reward for their
compliance.

The vice president next considers cooperation. He could spend time with
the employees explaining why this charity is so important and how it
would be a great honor for them to participate. He could convince,
encourage, or "sell" with logic, emotion, and information to donate to this
worthy cause. Now, armed with the tools of effective persuasion, he's onto
an approach that will have lasting, positive results. As long as the
employees feel he is telling the truth and acting in their best interest, they
will be open to his proposal.

Finally, the vice president considers the top form of persuasion:

commitment. If he has a great reputation and relationship with his
employees, there will be mutual respect, honor, and trust. These
conditions will enable the employees to comfortably make out their $100
checks. They know the vice president is a man of honor who would never
ask them to do anything that would not be in their best interest. They can
commit to him because they feel he is committed to them.

Commitment is the highest ideal of Maximum Influence because its

impact is the most permanent and far-reaching. Your reputation as one
possessing integrity, honor, trust, and respect will continuously inspire
commitment from everyone you seek to persuade.
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The Formula: Twelve Rules of Maximum Influence

Getting people to do what you want and, at the same time, to enjoy it is
not an accident or coincidence. You must use techniques based on the
proven Rules of Persuasion and influence to achieve such results. As you
master these techniques, you'll experience predictable control and
influence over others.

Professional negotiators, sales professionals, and upper management

professionals around the world use these twelve laws. They are the same
principles that help thousands of people gain control of their lives and
their financial futures. Mastery of all the twelve rules is crucial for
Maximum Influence. If you read this guide and act upon your newly
acquired knowledge, it will not be long before you find yourself in a
completely different position than you are today. You will act instead of
being acted upon. You will speak and be heard. You will lead and be
followed.

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Chapter 2
The Twelve Rules of Persuasion
Overview

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so
few engage in it.

HENRY FORD

As the species whose thinking ability supposedly separates us from the

animals, we really don't spend much of our life reasoning. Most of the
time our minds get stuck on cruise control. Thinking takes up too much
time and requires too much energy. Imagine having to think about every
decision we make. It wouldn't leave us much time to accomplish anything
else, would it? Most of us have a systematic way of looking at the world.
When this mode is operating, our minds are perfectly primed to
automatically respond to persuasion triggers. I call these triggers the
Rules of Persuasion.

Twelve Automatic Triggers of Persuasion

The Rules of Persuasion operate below our conscious thoughts. When

employed properly, your prospects don't even realize you're using them.
On the other hand, if you blunder your way through a persuasion
situation, your audience will be totally aware of what you're doing. It's
like seeing a police car on the side of the road it jars us back to reality.
If the persuader is skilled, he or she will use the Rules of Persuasion so
the message is delivered below the radar.

Understanding the Rules of Persuasion involves understanding the human

psyche. Such knowledge empowers you to improve your persuasive
abilities. It magnifies your effectiveness in relationships, improves your
parenting skills, enhances your leadership ability, and helps you sell
yourself and your ideas. In short, it maximizes your influence.

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Thinking About Not Thinking

In his book Triggers, best-selling author Joseph Sugarman estimates that

95 percent of the reasoning behind a consumer's purchase is associated
with a subconscious decision. In other words, most buying is done for
reasons a person hasn't even fully formulated. Professor of psychology
Gregory Neidert estimates that our brains actually run on idle 90 to 95
percent of the time. Let's face it, thinking is hard work. It is human nature
to conserve cognitive energy. Thinking burns three times as many calories
as watching TV. Those who use their brains for a living have traditionally
been among the highest paid professionals. Consider the incomes for
doctors, lawyers, and engineers, just to name a few. Most of us feel we
don't have the time or even the desire to think on the level that these
professionals do each day.

What are the main reasons we choose not to think? First, sometimes the
amount of information available is so overwhelming we don't even
attempt to digest any of it. Sometimes our decisions simply aren't weighty
enough to warrant the effort of researching all the available information.
Consciously and subconsciously, from the bombardment of information
we receive, we selectively choose what we will acknowledge and what we
will ignore.

Whether we realize it or not, we love shortcuts to thinking. When we buy

an item, we don't always take the time to research the product or read the
latest consumer guide's ratings on the product. Instead, we often rely on
the salesperson's advice. We might just buy the most popular brand, or we
might bring a friend along for his opinion. Although we would never
admit it, we sometimes even buy an item just because of its color or
packaging. Certainly we know this is not the best way to make decisions,
but we all do it anyway, even when we know we might make a mistake or
feel regretful afterwards. If we thoroughly considered every single
decision, we would constantly be overwhelmed and we'd never get
anything done.

The Rules of Persuasion are so powerful because they capitalize on two

very predictable things: one, what we expect from human nature, and two,
how people will respond in certain situations. People react predictably
under a given set of circumstances. If we learn to recognize how the Rules
of Persuasion work, we will know how to use them in our interactions
with others.
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We will also become more aware of how others will attempt to use them
on us.

The Twelve Rules of Persuasion

This resource explores and categorizes the twelve essential Rules of

Persuasion. These rules form the basis of the art and science of persuasion
and influence. Adherence to these laws can help you understand and gain
control of any situation involving persuasion. Our minds are programmed
with automatic persuasion triggers. Most of us experience persuasive
situations without realizing or thinking about it. Experienced persuaders
know what these triggers are and how to utilize them to their advantage.
Understanding the Rules of Persuasion helps us become aware of how we
are influenced without having conscious knowledge of it.

Learning to influence and persuade takes time, skill, and experience.

What most people don't realize is that we already instinctively use many
of these laws in our daily communications. The same Rules of Persuasion
that we unknowingly use every day are the very same ones persuaders use
deliberately, consciously, and consistently. Savvy persuaders make
persuasion a habit. Think about how conscientious you were when you
first started driving. Now, after years of practice, driving a car doesn't
require as much thought or focus. Elite persuaders understand the rules of
persuasion and practice them constantly. They can apply the techniques
subconsciously, without even thinking about them. For them, the
application of persuasion has become second nature.

Two Paths of Persuasion

There are two paths to persuasion: the conscious and the subconscious.
Both paths can persuade others to your way of thinking, but each path
uses a very different means of processing information.

In the conscious path, both you and your audience make an active or
conscious attempt to understand, define, and process an argument. A
person who is interested in your persuasive attempts will be highly
motivated to listen. As such, she will also be able to consciously evaluate
your message by carefully weighing the pros and cons of the evidence you
present.

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On the subconscious path, the listener spends little or no time processing
the information. This approach results in those automatic triggers we
previously talked about. These knee-jerk reactions happen when you
follow your intuition or use a mental shortcut. Your mind reaches a
decision without doing any logical processing. These subconscious
decisions are largely driven by instinct and emotion. Individuals who
spend lots of time on the subconscious path do so because they lack the
time, motivation, desire, or ability to really listen to your message.
They're not really involved in the subject. They use their instinct or
emotions instead of their intellect. Passive processing and automatic
decision triggers rule their decision making.

The key is knowing when to use which method. Successful application of

all the rules and techniques taught in this guide requires that you become
skilled at quickly identifying which ones will be the most effective in
which situations. In his book Multiple Streams of Income, influential
investment advisor Robert G. Allen relates a story of a factory owner
whose machine broke down:

It was a major and necessary piece of equipment, and so a repairman was

quickly summoned to fix it. The repairman studied the machine in order
to assess the problem. After a just a few moments, he pulled out his
hammer, tapped the machine twice, and stood back to survey the results.
The machine started up immediately. The repairman turned to the factory
owner and said, "That will be $500, please." Furious that the repairman
would dare charge such an outrageous amount for so little work, the
factory owner demanded an itemized statement. The repairman left and
sent the itemized bill the next day, which read:

Tapping with hammer: $ 1 Knowing where to tap: $499 Total: $500

As you study and acquire knowledge about Maximum Influence, you too
will know where to tap. Learn, implement, and make the twelve Rules of
Persuasion, a part of your life.

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Chapter 3
The Rule of Dissonance
Internal Pressure Is the Secret
Overview

There is only one way . . . to get anybody to do anything. And that is by

making the other person want to do it.

DALE CARNEGIE

Most of us feel more harmony in our lives when everything is consistent:

our jobs, our homes, our habits, even our soft drinks. Consistency is the
glue that holds everything in our lives together, thereby allowing us to
cope with the world. Think of all the people you admire. I'll bet, by and
large, most of them are consistent, congruent people. What they believe,
what they say, and what they do (even when no one is watching) flow
together seamlessly. Typically, a high degree of such consistency in one's
life is indicative of personal and intellectual strength.

People are naturally more inclined even subconsciously to gravitate

toward and follow individuals who are consistent in their behavior. The
converse is also true: Inconsistency in one's personal and professional life
is generally considered undesirable. The person whose beliefs, words, and
deeds don't consistently match up is seen as hypocritical, two-faced,
confused, or even mentally ill.

The Theory of Cognitive Dissonance

Leon Festinger formulated the cognitive dissonance theory in 1957 at

Stanford University. He asserted, "When attitudes conflict with actions,
attitudes or beliefs, we are uncomfortable and motivated to try to change."
Festinger's theory sets the foundation for the Law of Dissonance, one of
the twelve laws of Maximum Influence.

The Law of Dissonance states that people will naturally act in a manner
that is consistent with their cognitions (beliefs, attitudes, and values).
Therefore, when people behave in a manner that is inconsistent with these
cognitions, they find themselves in a state of discomfort. In such an
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uncomfortable state, they will naturally be inclined to adjust their
behaviors or attitudes to regain mental and emotional consistency. When
our beliefs, attitudes, and actions mesh, we live harmoniously. When they
don't, we feel dissonance at some level that is, we feel awkward,
uncomfortable, unsettled, disturbed, upset, nervous, or confused. In order
to eliminate or reduce such tension, we will do everything possible to
change our attitudes and behavior, even if it means doing something we
don't want to do.

Imagine that there is a big rubber band inside you. When dissonance is
present, the rubber band begins to stretch. As long as the dissonance
exists, the band stretches tighter and tighter. You've got to take action
before it reaches a breaking point and snaps. The motivation to reduce the
tension is what causes us to change; we will do everything in our power to
get back in balance. We seek psycho-emotional stasis at all times, much
like we experience the ever-present, driving need for food and water to
satisfy our physical being.

Methods of Protecting Mental Consistency

When we feel cognitive dissonance, we have to find a way to deal with

the psychological tension. We have an arsenal of tools at our disposal to
help us return to cognitive consistency. The following list outlines
different ways people seek to reduce dissonance.
Denial To shut out the dissonance, you deny there is a
problem. You do this either by ignoring or demeaning the source
of the information. You might also deliberately misperceive the
confronting position.
Modification You change your existing cognitions to achieve
consistency. Most of the time this involves admitting you were
wrong and making changes to remedy your errors.
Reframing You change your understanding or interpretation of
the meaning. This leads you to either modify your own thinking
or devalue the importance of the whole matter, considering it
unimportant altogether.
Search You are determined to find a flaw in the other side's
position, to discredit the source, and to seek social or evidentiary
support for your own viewpoint. You might attempt to convince

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 the source (if available) of his error. You might also try to
convince others you did the right thing.
Separation You separate the attitudes that are in conflict. This
compartmentalizes your cognitions, making it easier for you to
ignore or even forget the discrepancy. In your mind, what
happens in one area of your life (or someone else's) should not
affect the other areas of your life.
Rationalization You find excuses for why the inconsistency is
acceptable. You change your expectations or try to alter what
really happened. You also find reasons to justify your behavior or
your opinions.

Consider how each of the above strategies could apply if the following
experience actually happened in your own life: Your favorite politician,
the local mayor, for whom you campaigned and voted, is in trouble. You
spent your own time and money convincing family, friends, and neighbors
to vote for this candidate. You thought he was a family man, a man of
values, somebody who could be trusted. Now, after two years in office,
he's been caught red-handed having an affair with an office staff member,
who is barely older than his daughter. The news creates dissonance inside
you. To alleviate the dissonance, you might react in any one or
combination of the following ways:

Denial "This is just the media going after him. He is doing a

great job, so the opposing party is trying to smear his good name.
This will all blow over when the facts come out. It's all just a big
misunderstanding."

Modification "I can't believe I voted for this guy. I feel

swindled and taken advantage of. I really mistook him for a man
of character. I need to apologize to my family and friends. I
cannot support a man who does not honor his wedding vows."

Reframing "The media said affair. Well, I'm sure he didn't

actually sleep with her. Maybe they're just good friends. I'm sure
his wife knew all about the whole thing. Even if they did have an
affair, who doesn't? Is it that big of a deal?"

Search "I've heard about the reporter breaking this story. He's
blown things out of proportion before. All the friends I've talked
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 to don't think the story is true. In fact, this reporter has been
against the mayor from the time he became a candidate. I'm going
to call that reporter right now."

Separation "I voted for him and he is doing a great job.

Inflation is low, unemployment is not a problem, and crime has
been reduced. He is doing everything he said he would. It does
not matter what he does in his private life. What matters is how he
is doing his job. There is no connection between an affair and his
job performance."

Rationalization "Well, his wife is cold to him and she's never

around when he needs her. She's never really supported him since
he took office. After all, she still has her own business. Maybe
this is just a marriage of convenience and this relationship is part
of their agreement."

Everyday Examples of Dissonance

Listed below are some situations that might create dissonance.

You are a strict vegetarian but you see a stylish leather jacket on
sale and want to buy it.

You made a New Year's resolution to exercise every day. It is

now halfway through February, and you have not yet been to the
gym once.

You are on a stringent diet when you see Ben and Jerry's ice-
cream on sale at the grocery store. "Buyer's remorse" is also a
form of dissonance. When we purchase a product or service, we
tend to look for ways to convince ourselves that we made the
right decision. If the people around us or other factors make us
question our decision, we experience buyer's remorse. On feeling
this inconsistency, we'll look for anything facts, peer
validation, expert opinion to reduce the dissonance in our
minds concerning the purchase. Some of us even use selective
exposure to minimize the risk of seeing or hearing something that
could cause dissonance. Often people won't even tell family or
friends about their purchase or decision because they know it will
create dissonance.
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Maintaining Psychological Consistency

We find what we seek. If we can't find it, we make it up.

In politics, members of different parties will refuse to peaceably or

tolerantly listen to opposing party commercials. Smokers won't read
articles about the dangers of smoking. Drug users don't spend much time
at clinics. We don't want to find information that might oppose our current
points of view.

Buyers remorse:

When we purchase a product or service, we tend to look for ways to

convince ourselves that we made the right decision. If the people around
us or other factors make us question our decision, we experience buyers
remorse. On feeling this inconsistency, well look for anythingfacts,
peer validation, expert opinionto reduce the dissonance in our minds
concerning the purchase. Some of us even use selective exposure to
minimize the risk of seeing or hearing something that could cause
dissonance. Often people wont even tell family or friends about their
purchase or decision because they know it will create dissonance.

A study by Knox and Inkster found interesting results at a racetrack.

They interviewed people waiting in line to place a bet, and then

questioned them again after they'd placed a bet. They found people were
much more confident with their decisions after they had placed their bet
than before the bet was made. They exuded greater confidence in their
decisions and their chosen horses after their decisions were final and their
bets were firmly in place.[1]

Younger, Walker, and Arrowood decided to conduct a similar experiment

at the midway of the Canadian National Exposition. They interviewed
people who had already placed bets on a variety of different games
(bingo, wheel of fortune, etc.) as well as people who were still on their
way to place bets. They asked each of the people if they felt confident
they were going to win. Paralleling the findings of Knox and Inkster's
study, the people who had already made their bets felt luckier and more
confident than those who had not yet placed their wagers.[2]

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These studies show that to reduce dissonance, we often simply convince
ourselves that we have made the right decision. Once we place a bet or
purchase a product or service, we feel more confident with ourselves and
the choice we've made. This concept also holds true in persuasion and
sales. Once the payment is given for your product or service, your
prospects will usually feel more confident with their decisions. Have them
make the payment or finalize the choice as soon as possible! This will
increase their confidence in their decision and they will look for reasons
to justify that decision.

Many times, even when we have made a bad decision, we become so

entrenched in our belief that it was right that we will fight to the bitter end
to prove it. We can't handle the dissonance in our minds, so we find
anything to prove our decision was right. We become so embroiled in
justifying our actions that we are willing to go down with the burning
ship.

When buying and selling shares of stock, investors commonly stick with
stocks that have recently slumped in price, with no prospects of recovery.
Rationally, the best decision is to cut their losses and invest elsewhere.
Irrationally, however, investors often hang on, ensnared by their initial
decision.

McDonald's sued five London activists for libelling them in a leaflet

entitled "What's Wrong with McDonald's?" The pamphlets asserted many
claims, including that the franchise's food was unhealthy and that the
company exploited its workers, contributed to the destruction of rain
forests through cattle ranching, produced litter, and sought to target
children through its advertising. While three of the activists backed down,
two of them went on to fight McDonald's in court. The case evolved into
the longest court proceeding in the legal history of Britain. It came to be
considered "the most expensive and disastrous public relations exercise
ever mounted by a multinational company."[3]

Spreading negative publicity across the globe, two million copies of

"What's Wrong with McDonald's?" went into circulation. An Internet site
following the case received seven million hits in its first year. Having
publicly asserted its stance that the company would challenge its
antagonists, McDonald's was trapped. Forced to remain consistent to its
position, McDonald's fought to the bitter end. This case took two-and-a-
half years and cost McDonald's over $10 million to fight before the
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company finally won the case. Given the ramifications, perhaps it would
have been better if the company had just cut their losses and moved on.

[1]R. E. Knox and J. A. Inkster, "Post-decision Dissonance at Post-time,"

Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 18 (1968): 319323.

[2]J. C. Younger, L. Walker, and A. S. Arrowood, "Post-decision

Dissonance at the Fair," Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 3
(1977): 284287.

[3]David Mitchie, Invisible Persuaders (New York: Bantam Books,

1988), p. 95.

Using Dissonance to Create Action

Dissonance is a powerful tool in helping others make and keep

commitments. In one study, researchers staged thefts to test the reactions
of onlookers. On a beach in New York City, the researchers randomly
selected an accomplice to place his beach towel and portable radio five
feet away. After relaxing there for a while, the accomplice got up and left.
After the accomplice had departed, one of the researchers, pretending to
be a thief, stole the radio. As you might imagine, hardly anyone reacted to
the stage theft. Very few people were willing to put themselves at risk by
confronting the thief. In fact, over the course of twenty staged thefts, only
four people (20 percent) made any attempt to hinder the thief.

The researchers staged the same theft twenty more times, only this time
with one slight difference repeated in each scenario. The minor alteration
brought drastically different results. This time, before leaving, the
accomplice asked each person sitting next to him, "Could you please
watch my things?" Each person consented. This time, with the Law of
Dissonance at work, nineteen out of twenty (95 percent) individuals
sought to stop the thief by chasing, grabbing back the radio, and in some
cases, even physically restraining him.

Most people try to follow through when they promise they will do
something especially if it is in writing. This is why corporations
sponsor writing contests about social issues or their products. They really
don't care about your writing style. What they're really looking for is
consumer endorsement. The writer puts down, in her own words, what she
thinks the company wants to hear about its issue or product. Having made
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a written commitment to supporting and endorsing a product or issue, the
consumer will now support the sponsoring company in their cause or will
willingly buy their product.

In one particular study, 100 high school students were asked to write an
essay on whether or not the voting age should be lowered. Half the
students were told the speeches would be published in the school
newspaper, while the other half were told the essays would be kept
confidential. After completing the essays, researchers exposed the
students to a persuasive speech arguing that the voting age should not be
lowered. Of the students assuming their papers were going to be
published, very few of them changed their original position. Of the
students who believed their papers were confidential, most altered their
stance on the issue to agree with the persuasive speech.

The Law of Dissonance in Marketing

The Bait and Switch

If you can get someone to mentally commit to a product or a decision, he

is likely to remain committed even after the terms and conditions change.
This is why when stores, for example, advertise very low prices on a
television set, they include in small print, "Quantities Limited." By the
time you get to the store, all the bargain televisions are sold, but you are
mentally committed to buying a new TV. Luckily for you, there are more
expensive models available. So, you go home having spent $300 more on
a television set than you originally planned, just because you needed to
maintain a consistency between your desire for a new TV and your action
of being in the store.

This tactic is also often used when goods and products go on sale. For
example, a customer may be lured to a store by an incredible deal on a
pair of nice dress shoes. Upon inquiring, the disappointed customer learns
from the salesperson that her size is not in stock. Just as the customer is
about to leave, the salesperson miraculously displays another strikingly
similar pair but this pair is not on sale.

Think of a time when you purchased a new car. Have you ever noticed
that when you're about to sign the contract the price is $200 more than
you expected? Well, someone conveniently forgot to tell you about the
advanced suspension or some other feature found in your car. You pay the
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extra $200 anyway because you're mentally committed to that car, and
you don't want to go through the whole hassle and headache of trying to
renegotiate the deal.

Often car dealers promise an incredible price, even a few hundred dollars
below a competitor's price, all the while knowing it's not actually going to
go through. The deal is offered only to motivate the buyer to purchase
from their dealership. Once the customer decides to buy, the dealer sets up
several conditions, each of them causing the customer to feel increasingly
committed before finding out the real price: lengthy forms are filled out,
great lengths are taken to set up specific financing terms, the customer is
encouraged to take the car home and drive it to work, to run errands, to
cruise the neighborhood. The dealer knows that while the customer is out
joy riding, she is thinking of all the many reasons her purchase is
justified.[4]

These tactics are even used when high school students and their parents
are narrowing down the colleges they should attend. Just like car dealers,
colleges often give a low estimate on your costs, and it's not until after
you've signed up and registered that you discover your actual costs.

Brand Loyalty

It's a challenge getting consumers to remain loyal to a particular brand.

Unlike the good old days when brand loyalty was a given, times have
changed. As a society, we no longer feel compelled to stick with a certain
company or product. I grew up with Crest, Cheerios, and Tide being
staples in my home. Now I change brands much more easily. I'm not
likely to remain loyal to a brand unless they reward me for my
commitment to them, for example, with frequent flyer miles, with the
little cars you can buy for your kids at Chevron, or with a Unocal 76 ball
to swing from your car antennae. Acquiring consumer loyalty is the
reason the tobacco industry spends over $600 million giving away
paraphernalia with tobacco logos.
[5] We constantly see companies putting their logos on coffee mugs, T-shirts,
pens, and mouse pads, to name just a few promotional items. Even though you
might not have paid for these items, owning them creates loyalty to the product
advertised on them. Most people who wear a Budweiser T-shirt don't drink Coors
beer.

195
[4]C. I. Hovland, "Reconciling Conflicting Results Derived from Experimental
and Survey Studies of Attitude-Change," American Psychologist 14, 1 (1959):
817.

[5]J. Brockner and J. Z. Rubin, Entrapment in Escalating Conflicts: A Social

Psychological Analysis (New York: Springer Verlag, 1985).

Cognitive Dissonance and Public Commitment

Public commitments and dissonance go hand in hand. Even when we feel

an action is not right, we still go through with it if we have publicly
committed to such a course of action.

For example, when you ask that young lady to marry you and she says
yes, there's a commitment. The announcement of the engagement is a
second commitment. All the other actions that follow suit increase your
public commitment: telling your friends, getting the rings, asking the
parents, setting the date, taking the pictures, sending announcements,
paying the deposit for the reception location, etc. Each step closer to "I
do" results in a greater level of commitment. Even if one or both of you
decide you want to call it off, it actually feels easier to go through with the
wedding than to stop the whole procession created by so much public
commitment.

The more public our stand, the more reluctant we are to change it. A now
famous experiment conducted in 1955 by social psychologists Morton
Deutsch and Harold Gerard demonstrates this principle. A group of
students were divided into three groups. Each group viewed some lines
and had to estimate their length. The students in the first group had to
privately write down estimates, sign their names to it, and hand it in. The
second group of students also had to privately write down their estimates,
but they did so on a Magic Writing Pad. They could lift the plastic cover
on their notepad and their figures would instantaneously disappear. The
third group of students did not write down their estimates but just kept
them privately in their minds. Not surprisingly, even when new
information was presented contradicting their estimates, the students who
had written down their estimates, signed their names to them, and handed
them in remained the most committed to their choices, while those who
had never committed anything to writing were the most readily swayed to
change their responses.[6]
196
Procedures, customs, and traditions are often specifically established for
the purposes of creating psychological commitment. Consider fraternity
initiations, military boot camps, political rallies, protest marches, and
demonstrations. When we make our vows, beliefs, statements, or
endeavors public, we feel bound to them. We can back out on
commitments and claims we've made public, but we will pay a
psychological and emotional price. What's more, the more public we
made those commitments, the greater the emotional price tag will be.

A pair of researchers, Elliot Aronson and Judson Mills, claimed that

"persons who go through a great deal of trouble or pain to attain
something tend to value it more highly than persons who attain the same
thing with a minimum of effort."[7] Additional research confirmed their
assertion when coeds who were required to endure pain rather than
embarrassment to get into a group desired membership more than their
counterparts. In one particular case, the more pain one young woman
endured as part of her initiation, the more she later tried to convince
herself that "her new group and its activities were interesting, intelligent,
and desirable."[8]

Another study of 54 tribal cultures found that those with the most
dramatic initiation rituals also have the most unity and commitment,[9]
and these groups oppose any attempts to undermine or destroy these
customs, which render so much strength to their tribe and their culture.

Understanding the psychology of commitment through publicity can be

used to bring about good societal changes. Many organizations exist to
help individuals conquer bad habits, patterns, or abuses. For example,
weight-loss centers commonly encourage clients to share their goals with
as many friends, relatives, and neighbors as they can, understanding that
this public commitment and pressure often works when other methods
don't.

An experiment conducted by Pallak, Cook, and Sullivan in Iowa City

used an interviewer who offered free energy-saving hints to natural gas
users. Those residents who agreed to try to conserve energy would have
their names publicized in newspaper articles as public-spirited, fuel-
conserving citizens. The effect was immediate. One month later, when the
utility companies checked their meters, the homeowners in the publication
sample had each saved an average of 422 cubic feet of natural gas, a
decrease of 12.2 percent. The chance to have their names in the paper had
197
motivated these residents to put forth substantial conservation efforts for a
period of one month.

Even during the months when their names weren't in the paper, the
families continued to conserve gas. When a letter went out stating that
their names would no longer be printed in the paper, the families did not
return to their previous wasteful energy usage, as was expected; rather,
they continued to conserve energy.[10]
[6]M. Deutsch and H. B. Gerard, "A Study of Normative and Informational
Social Influence upon Judgment," Journal of Abnormal Psychology 51 (1955):
629 636.

[7]E. Aronson and J. Mills, "The Effect of Severity of Initiation on Liking for the
Group," Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology 59 (1959): 177181.

[8]H. B. Gerard and G. C. Mathewson, "The Effects of Severity of Initiation on

Liking for a Group: A Replication," Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 2
(1966): 278287.

[9]F. W. Young, Initiation Ceremonies (New York: Bobbs-Merrill, 1965).

[10]M. S. Pallak, D.A. Cook, and J.J. Sullivan, "Commitment and Energy
Conservation," Applied Social Psychology Annual 1(1980): 235253.

Getting Your Foot in the Door

One aspect of the law of dissonance is the urge to remain consistent with
our commitments. Even if someone begins with a small request then
follows it up with a larger request, we still tend to remain consistent in our
behavior and answers. This technique of capitalizing on such a principle
has been called by several names, including "foot-in-the-door" (FITD),
self-perception theory, or the "sequential request." Basically, it is a means
of using a person's self-perception to motivate her to partake of the
desired action. When an individual complies a first time, she perceives
herself to be helpful.

If she is asked to comply a second time in an even greater way, she is

likely to consent. In an effort to maintain consistency with the first
impression and with her own self-perception, she agrees to give even
more of themselves.
198
The following outline highlights three key principles in learning how to
use this technique:

1. Small commitments often later lead to large commitments. For example,

salespeople often focus first on securing an initial order, even if it's a
small one. Once this is accomplished, the customer will be more likely
to commit to buying from them again.

2. Written commitments are usually more powerful than verbal

commitments. We know the power of the written word. When contracts
are signed and promises put into writing, the commitment level
correspondingly increases tenfold.

3. Public commitments are stronger than private commitments. Taking a

public stand that is witnessed by others compels us to continually
endorse that commitment. Otherwise, we risk being seen as
inconsistent, weak, or dishonest. For example, as mentioned earlier,
many weight-loss centers have their clients write down and share their
goals with as many people as possible, thereby decreasing the
likelihood of failure.

The key to using FITD is to get the person to initially grant a small
request. For example, if you were to ask someone, "Can I have just thirty
seconds of your time?" most individuals would respond affirmatively.
According to self-perception theory, the person would observe his own
behavior and, in regard to this interaction, consider himself to be a helpful
person. The second step in the FITD principle is making another, more
involved request. "Can I try this on the stain on your carpet?" The person
feels he should consent to the second request because he is "that kind of
person." He has already seen himself do other behaviors in support of the
product or service, so he willingly complies with the second request.

A 1966 study by psychologists Jonathan Freedman and Scott Fraser

highlights just how effective FITD is. In their study, a researcher posing
as a volunteer canvassed a California neighborhood, asking residents if
they would allow a large billboard reading "Drive Carefully" to be
displayed on their front lawns. So they'd have an idea of what it would
look like, the volunteer showed his recruits a picture of the large sign
obstructing the view of a beautiful house.

199
Naturally, most people refused, but in one particular group, an incredible
76 percent actually consented. The reason for their compliance was this:
Two weeks prior, these residents had been asked by another volunteer to
make a small commitment to display a three-inch-square sign that read
"Be a Safe Driver" in their windows. Since it was such a small and simple
request, nearly all of them agreed. The astounding result was that the
initial small commitment profoundly influenced their willingness to
comply with the much larger request two weeks later.

With another group of homeowners, Freedman and Fraser sent petitions

requesting their signatures in support of helping to keep California
beautiful. Of course, nearly everyone signed. Two weeks later, another
volunteer went around and asked them if they'd allow the big "Drive
Carefully" sign to be placed in their yards. Amazingly, about half of the
homeowners consented, even though their previous small commitment
was to state beautification and not safety.[11]

Freedman and Fraser were also interested in discovering whether or not

they could persuade homemakers to carry out a very large request. They
asked the women of the house if they would permit a group of five or six
strangers to freely look through their cupboards and storage spaces for
two hours, for the purpose of classifying the women's household products.
Prior to this request, however, researchers had asked some of the women
to take a survey about household products. Of those surveyed,
approximately 50 percent consented to allowing the men to go through
their household products. Of the women who had not been surveyed, only
25 percent agreed to let the men examine their storage spaces.

Another study involved testing to see whether introductory psychology

students would rise early to take part in a 7:00 ?.?. study session on
thinking processes. In one group, the students were told at the beginning
of the call that the session would begin promptly at 7:00 ?.?. Of these
students, only 24 percent agreed to participate. In the second group, the
students were first told what the study was and that their participation was
desired. The 7:00 ?.?. time was not mentioned until after they had
consented to take part, which 56 percent of them did. When the
opportunity to change their minds was presented to them, however, none
of them took advantage of it. Ninety-five percent of students actually
followed through and showed up for the 7:00 ?.?. session.[12]

200
In another case, social psychologist Steven J. Sherman wanted to see if he
could increase the number of people who would be willing to collect
door-to-door donations for the American Cancer Society. He called a
sample of residents and simply asked them what their response would be
if they were asked to volunteer three hours of their time to collect
charitable donations for the American Cancer Society. Not wanting to
seem uncharitable, many responded that they would indeed volunteer. The
final outcome? When a representative of the American Cancer Society
actually called and asked for volunteers, there was a 700 percent increase
of individuals agreeing to participate.[13]

Using FITD Effectively

When utilizing this technique, you must first determine exactly what end
result you are seeking. This will be the big commitment you ask for. You
should then create several small and simple requests that are related to
your ultimate request, making sure they can be easily satisfied. As the
examples above demonstrate, taking these measures will greatly increase
the likelihood that your ultimate request will be granted.

Here are some more key points to remember in using FITD:

1. The First Request: The first request needs to be "of sufficient size for the
foot-in-the-door technique to work,"[14] but, on the other hand, it
cannot be so big that it seems inappropriate and/or is not easily and
readily accomplished. Basically, you want to present the largest
possible request that will still realistically be accepted.

2. Your Prospect's Viewpoint: The FITD tactic is not effective if your

prospect senses that you are acting in your own self-interests instead of
in hers or society's. What is in it for you? Why are you requesting this
from her?

3. External Incentives: The FITD technique loses impact if your prospect is

offered external incentives for agreeing to your first request.
Researchers typically use self-perception theory to explain this
phenomenon.[15] For example, if you are given a gift for listening to a
salesperson, you will not consciously or subconsciously perceive
yourself to be one who is willing to readily listen and agree to the
salesperson's offer. Instead, you agree to listen only for the incentive
being offered to you.
201
4. The Source of the Request: Having different people employ the initial and
subsequent requests when using the FITD technique can be an effective
strategy. This way, the same person isn't required to make both the
initial and the follow-up requests and your prospects won't feel like
they are being taken advantage of.
[11]J. L. Freedman and S. C. Fraser, "Compliance Without Pressure: The Foot-
in-the-Door Technique," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1966):
195203.

[12]R. B. Cialdini, J. T. Cacioppo, R. Bassett, and J. A. Miller, "Low-Ball

Procedure for Producing Compliance: Commitment Then Cost," Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology (1978): 463476.

[13]S. J. Sherman, "On the Self-Erasing Nature of Prediction," Journal of

Personality and Social Psychology (1980): 211221.

[14]C. Seligman, M. Bush, and K. Kirsch, "Relationship Between Compliance in

the Foot-in-the-Door Paradigm and Size of First Request," Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology 33 (1976): 517520.

[15]J. P. Dillard, J. E. Hunter, and M. Burgoon, "Sequential-Request Persuasive

Strategies: Meta-Analysis of Foot-in-the-Door and Door-in-the-Face," Human
Communication Research 10 (1984): 461488.

Three Steps to Using the Rule of Dissonance

Step One: Get a Commitment

You can create or reveal commitments in your prospects by ensuring that

the commitments are public, affirmative, voluntary, and effortful (PAVE).

Public

Make your prospect's stand as public as possible. Get a written

commitment and make that written commitment public. Involve family
and friends in the proposed action. Engage your customer in a public
handshake to seal the deal in front of other employees and customers.

Affirmative

You want to get as many "yes" answers as possible because yeses develop
consistency within the person that will carry over into your major request.
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This technique reduces dissonance and makes it easier for prospects to say
yes to your final proposal. Even if it is a watered-down, easy request,
getting a yes to any request makes it easier to evoke the same response
down the road. Close with a series of questions ideally six that all
end with a yes. Desire increases with each yes, and decreases with each
no. Every time we say yes to a benefit, our desire goes up.

Voluntary

When getting commitments, start small and build up to larger

commitments later. You cannot force commitments. Long-term approval
has to feel like it comes from your prospects' own will, something they
want to do or say. They have to volunteer to test drive the car, write on the
contract, or request more information. When they make a commitment,
you can make the action more voluntary and solidify the commitment by
saying things like, "Are you serious? Do you really mean that? You're not
just pulling my leg, are you?"

Effortful

The more effortful and public the commitment is, the more commitment it
will create down the line. The more effort your prospects exert in making
the commitment, the more it seals the deal. You don't want to ask a
prospect to do something extreme but you do want them to exert extra
effort.

Remember the car dealer example? Car dealers often offer a great deal on
a car just to get people in the lot. The prospect then makes a commitment
to come in and look at the car only to find that it's already been sold.
Already committed to being there, they browse the lot and find another
car they like. They then start to fill out the paperwork, talking terms and
completing forms. These are all small effortful commitments that later
lead to full commitment. Many times, the car dealer will continue
obtaining these small commitments only to come back and say he can
only give $2,000 for the trade in instead of $2,500 like he promised. At
this point, the buyer has exerted so much effort and has created so many
small commitments that the extra $500 won't break the deal.

203
Step Two: Create Dissonance

Once you have the commitment, you can create the dissonance. You
create that dissonance or imbalance by showing your prospects they have
not kept or are not keeping their commitment. For example, "You said
you needed this right away. Why do you have to think it over and come
back tomorrow?" The person's self-image is squeezed from both sides by
consistency pressures. The prospect feels great internal pressure to bring
self-image in line with action. At the same time, there is pressure from the
outside to adjust this image according to the way others perceive us.

Step Three: Offer a Solution

As a refined persuader, whenever you create dissonance, you always need

to offer a way out. You need to show, prove, or explain how your product
or service can reduce the dissonance your prospect feels. For example, "If
you donate right now, we can continue to feed the homeless children in
Africa."

Keep in mind that the final solution or major request is what you
ultimately want to accomplish. You prepare your whole persuasive
presentation around the moment when you will ask for that major request.
Once your prospects accept the solution, they have convinced themselves
that they made the right and only choice. As a result, they feel great about
their decision. This makes the cognitive dissonance disappear. The
decision was their personal choice and they have solved the dilemma in
their own minds. They know exactly what to do.

The solution is your call to action.

204
Chapter 4
The Rule of Obligation
How to Get Anyone to Do a Favor for You
Overview

Nothing is more costly than something given free of charge.

JAPANESE SAYING

Obligation has been used as a persuasive technique since the beginning of

time. Door-to-door salespeople offer free brushes, free encyclopedias, and
free estimates in the hope of securing a sale. People throw parties in their
homes, serving refreshments and giving away free Tupperware or other
products. We all know how hard it is to attend a friend's party, eat their
food, take their free gift, and then go home without buying a thing. So,
what do we do? We order the cheapest item in the catalog to get rid of the
obligation or indebtedness we feel to the host.

During World War I, some soldiers were given a special assignment to

make sorties into enemy territory in order to capture and question enemy
soldiers. A particularly skilled German soldier was instructed to fulfill one
such mission. As he had on numerous other occasions, he negotiated the
area between fronts and caught an enemy soldier off guard, eating his
lunch alone in a trench. Unaware of what was happening, the startled
soldier was easily captured. Not knowing what else to do, the soldier tore
off a piece of bread and gave it to his captor. The German was so
surprised by the friendly gesture that he couldn't follow through with his
assignment. Turning away from the soldier, he headed back into neutral
territory and on to face the wrath of his superiors.[1]

Maybe this has happened to you. You are attempting to buy a car and are
playing hardball with the sales rep. You've negotiated back and forth and
are getting nowhere. You are ready to walk away when he says that he
will talk to his manager one last time. As he gets up, he says, "You know,
I'm thirsty, so I'm going to get myself a soda. Would you like one?"
"Sure!" you say, oblivious to his tactic. He comes back with the soda and
a better deal from his manager. It's not the deal you wanted, but you feel
it's the best you're going to get. So, you accept it. As you think about it
205
later, it dawns on you that you bought the car because of a subconscious
trigger. The moral of the story is to never take a drink from the car sales
rep before you've settled on a price. That drink serves as an obligation
trigger. You feel indebted to the car dealer because of this small courtesy,
and he knows it. He created the obligation with a fifty-cent can of soda.
You return the favor and get out of his debt by buying a $20,000 car.
[1]I. Eibl-Eibesfeldt, Ethology: The Biology of Behavior, 2nd edition (New
York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston, 1975).

Definition of the Rule of Obligation

The Rule of Obligation, also known as "reciprocity," states that when

others do something for us, we feel a strong need, even a push, to return
the favor. Returning the favor rids us of the obligation created by the first
good deed. The adage "one good turn deserves another" seems to be a part
of social conditioning in every culture. And, even beyond that, the maxim
serves as an ethical code that does not necessarily need to be taught but
nevertheless is understood. For example, when someone smiles or gives a
compliment, we feel a great need to return the smile or compliment. Even
when these gestures are unsolicited, we feel a sense of urgency to repay
the person who has created the mental or psychological debt. In some
cases, our need to repay this debt is so overwhelming that we end up
dramatically exceeding the original favor. The obligation trigger created
by the car salesman's soda offer is a classic example of this principle.

People often conscientiously trigger feelings of indebtedness and

obligation in others by carrying out an uninvited favor. Even if we don't
want or ask for the gift, invitation, or compliment, we still feel the need to
return the favor when we receive it. Merely being indebted, even in the
slightest sense of the word, can create enough psychological discomfort
(and sometimes even public embarrassment) that we go to extraordinary
lengths to remove the burdensome obligation we feel. This is when we
often disproportionately reward the original giver.

When my family moved to a new area, we gave a small Christmas gift to

all our neighbors. I don't think the gifts cost more than five dollars each.
We were new on the block and wanted to get to know our neighbors.
About thirty minutes after hand-delivering the gifts to our new neighbors,
the doorbell rang. There stood one of the neighbors with a large box of
truffles in one hand this box had to have been holding at least fifty
206
dollars worth of chocolates. She said, "Welcome to the neighborhood, and
Happy Holidays," and with that she was off and on her way. She couldn't
cope with the sudden debt she felt toward my family so, to rid herself of
her feelings of obligation, she gave back ten times more than she'd
originally received. This is why many people buy extra holiday presents
to have on hand just in case someone delivers a gift they did not count on.

The Rule of Obligation also applies when there are favors we wish we
could ask, but we know we are not in a position to repay them or perhaps
even ask for them in the first place.[2] The psychological and emotional
burden created by such circumstances is often great enough that we would
rather lose the benefits of the favor by not asking for it at all than
experience the embarrassment and likely rejection that might come from
asking. For example, a woman who receives expensive gifts from a man
may complain that, although she is flattered by and likes getting the gifts,
she feels an uncomfortable sense of obligation to repay her suitor.
Furthermore, she may express frustration at the perception held by the
suitor that, because of his gifts, the woman would or should be more
sexually accessible. Studies have shown that the converse is also true:
When individuals break the reciprocity rule by showering favors on
someone without giving them a chance to repay, there is an equal amount
of discomfort.[3]

The drive to alleviate feelings of obligation is so powerful that it can

make us bend toward people we don't even know. One university
professor chose names at random from a telephone directory, and then
sent these complete strangers his Christmas cards. Holiday cards
addressed to him came pouring back, all from people who did not know
him and, for that matter, who had never even heard of him.[4]

The Rule of Obligation can be used to eliminate animosity or suspicion.

In one study, Cornell University researcher Dennis Regan had two
individuals try to sell raffle tickets to unsuspecting workers. One
individual made a conscientious effort to befriend the workers before
attempting to sell any tickets. The other individual made a point of being
rude and obnoxious around the workers. While on a break, the individual
who had previously been rude to his prospects bought them drinks before
trying to get them to buy tickets. The results of the study showed that the
rude individual actually sold twice as many raffle tickets, even though the
other had been so much nicer and more likable.[5]

207
On another occasion, a man was stranded on the side of the road because
his car had run out of gas. A young man pulled over and identified
himself as a friend of the man's daughter. He took the man to get gas and
then brought him back to his car. Of course, feeling indebted, the man
said, "If you ever need anything, just ask." Three weeks later, capitalizing
on the offer, the young man asked if he could borrow the man's expensive
car. The man's best judgment screamed, "Are you crazy? You don't know
if you can trust this kid to get it back to you in one piece!" But the mental
pressure to satisfy his obligation to the young man won out over his better
judgment and he loaned the young man his car.

The pressure to reciprocate is strong enough that when people don't return
the favor, they are viewed with contempt and disgust. Accepting gifts or
favors without attempting to return them is universally viewed as selfish,
greedy, and heartless. It is often strictly due to this internal and external
pressure that people conform to the rule of reciprocity.
[2]B. M. Depaulo, A. Nadler, and J. D. Fisher, New Directions in Helping.
Volume 2: Help Seeking (New York: Academic Press, 1984).

[3]K. Gergen, P. Ellsworth, C. Maslach, and M. Seipel, "Obligation, Donor

Resources, and Reactions to Aid in Three Cultures," Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology (1975): 390400.

[4]P. R. Kunz and M. Wolcott, "Seasons Greetings: From My Status to Yours,"

Social Science Research (1976): 269278.

[5]Dennis Regan, "Effects of a Favor on Liking and Compliance," Journal of

Experimental Social Psychology (1971): 627639.

The Rule of Obligation and Marketing

A film-developing company thrived on the Rule of Obligation. They

would send a roll of film in the mail along with a letter explaining that the
film was a free gift. The letter then outlined how the recipient should
return the film to their company to be processed. Even though a number
of local stores could process the film at a far lower price, most people
ended up sending it to the company that had sent them the film. The
technique worked because the company's "pre-giving" incurred a sense of
obligation to repay the favor. We often see this method at work when
companies give out complimentary calendars, business pens, T-shirts, or
mugs.
208
The same principle applies when you go to the grocery store and see those
alluring sample tables. It is hard to take a free sample and then walk away
without at least pretending to be interested in the product. Some
individuals, as a means of assuaging their indebtedness, have learned to
take the sample and walk off without making eye contact. Some have
taken so many samples, they no longer feel an obligation to buy or even
pretend they're interested in the products anymore. Still, the technique
works, so much so that it has been expanded to furniture and audio/video
stores, which offer free pizza, hot dogs, and soft drinks to get you into the
store and create instant obligation.

Pre-giving is effective because it makes us feel like we have to return the

favor. Greenburg said this feeling of is comfort is created because the
favor threatens our independence.[6] The more indebted we feel, the more
motivated we are to eliminate the debt. An interesting report from the
Disabled American Veterans Organization revealed that their usual 18
percent donation response rate nearly doubled when the mailing included
a small, free gift.[7]

A local clothing store offers free pressing as well as free dry cleaning for
suits bought in their store. This creates a sense of obligation among their
customers, who when they next decide to buy another suit are more likely
to buy it from the store that offered the freebie.

Another study found that survey takers could increase physician response
to a long questionnaire if they paid the physicians first.[8] When a $20
check was sent along with the questionnaire, 78 percent of the physicians
filled it out and sent it back. When the $20 check was promised to arrive
after the questionnaire was completed and sent in, only 66 percent
followed through. The pre-giving incentive increased the sense of
obligation. Another interesting result of the study was this: Of the
physicians who received the $20 check in the initial mailing but did not
fill out the questionnaire, only 26 percent cashed the check. Of the
physicians receiving the $20 check who did fill out the questionnaire, 95
percent cashed the check![9]

This demonstrates that the Rule of Obligation works conversely, as well.

The fact that many of the physicians who did not fill out the questionnaire
also did not cash their checks may be interpreted as a sign of their
psychological and emotional discomfort at accepting a favor that they
were not going to return. If they cashed the checks, they would have to
209
cope with their indebtedness by complying and filling out the
questionnaire. Rather than take on that uncomfortable sense of obligation
or indebtedness, it was easier to sacrifice the benefit of gaining $20
altogether.

The Rule of Obligation also presents itself in the following situations:

Taking a potential client out to dinner or to play golf
Offering free tire rotation or fluid fill-up between services
Someone washing your car windows at a stoplight whether you
want them to or not
Generating money at "free" car washes by asking for a donation
after the service is rendered
A carpet cleaner offering to clean your couch for free

[6]M. S. Greenburg, "A Theory of Indebtedness," Social Exchange: Advances in

Theory and Research 3 (1980): 26.

[7]Bob Stone, Successful Direct Marketing Methods (Lincolnwood, Ill.: NTC

Business Books, 1994), p. 92.

[8]S. H. Berry and D. E. Kanouse, "Physician Response to a Mailed Survey: An

Experiment in Timing of Payment," Public Opinion Quarterly (1987): 102114.

[9]Ibid.

Fundraising and the Rule of Obligation

In the early 1980s, the Hare Krishna movement encountered difficulty in

raising funds through their traditional means. The rebellion of the 1960s
had given way to the more conservative 1980s, and the Hare Krishna
members were now considered almost an affliction to society. To
counteract negative public opinion, they developed a new approach that
utilized the Rule of Obligation. Their new fundraising strategy worked
because it prompted a sense of obligation that outweighed the dislike or
negativity felt toward the Hare Krishna movement.

The new strategy still involved solicitation in crowded, public places, but
now, instead of being asked directly for a donation, the potential donor
was first given a free gift a flower. If someone tried to turn it down, the
Krishna follower would, under no circumstances, take it back. The

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Krishna gift-giver might say, "Sir, this is a free gift for you to keep, and
we welcome donations." Often the gifts just ended up in the trash cans,
but overall, the strategy worked. In most cases, even individuals who
ended up throwing the gifts away donated something. Although lots of
people were extremely annoyed by the high-pressure gift giving, their
sense of obligation to reciprocate was too strong to ignore.

Some of the movement's followers, looking like your normal, energetic

college students, would hand out books. People graciously accepted the
offer before realizing they were deep into obligation. Playing on their
sense of indebtedness, the requesters would then ask for a donation. The
process worked like a charm. When someone tried to give the book back,
the Krishnas would not take it back, it being a gift. Others would leave
upset but the pair would follow them in hot pursuit. I observed that most
of the people felt an obligation to donate money in exchange for the free
gift presented to them, whether or not they wanted it.

Applying the Rule of Obligation

This is a very simple law to implement. All you need to do is create a

need or obligation in the mind of the other person. Think to yourself of
what you can do, give, or say that would create that indebtedness in the
mind of your prospect.

As you think of the perfect persuasive situation, include one or more of

the following items to help you create a greater sense of obligation: a
service of some sort, information or concessions, secrets, favors, gestures,
compliments, smiles, gifts, invitations, attention, or your time. Any one,
or a combination of several, of these will create a need to reciprocate in
your prospect as long as your act is perceived as altruistic. If, however,
your pre-giving is read as manipulating, bribing, or "tricking," it will
understandably not be met with much compliance.

Take caution with this strategy. The use of obligation will backfire if your
prospect sees your actions as a bribe to comply. Feeling tricked, your
prospect will not be pressured to comply or reciprocate. "When pre-giving
is perceived as a bribe or a pressure tactic, it actually decreases
compliance."[10]The obligation you create must be perceived as an
unselfish act.

211
[10]R. M. Groves, R. B. Cialdini, and M. P. Couper, "Understanding the Decision
to Participate in a Survey," Public Opinion Quarterly 56 (1992): 475 495.

Reciprocal Concessions

Researchers have found that when someone persuades you to change your
mind, they will be inclined to do the same if approached by you.
Conversely, if you resist that person's attempts and do not change your
mind, then he will likely reciprocate in a similar fashion, resisting your
attempts to change his mind. Consider how you can use this to your
advantage if you approach a person with whom you wish to deal in the
future and say something like, "You know, I got to thinking about what
you said, and you're really right. . ."

Give a Favor, Expect a Favor in Return

Before a negotiation, it is wise to offer some sort of gift. Note, however,

that offering the gift before and not during the negotiation is of prime
importance, or your token will come across as bribery. Your gift will
almost always be accepted, even if only out of social custom and courtesy.
Whether your recipient likes or wants your gift or not, the psychological
need to reciprocate will take root, increasing the likelihood that your
request will be met affirmatively. Of course, even when giving the gift
before you make your request, be sure your motives come across as a
sincere effort to help the recipient rather than yourself.

Secrets Create Obligation: The Secret of Secrets

Everybody loves secrets. We all love to be in the know. When you share
something personal or private with another person, you create an instant
bond and sense of obligation and trust with them. For example, imagine
saying in the middle of a negotiation, "Off the record, I think you should
know. . . ." or, "I shouldn't be telling you this, but. . . ." These statements
show that you are confiding in your listener. By offering him inside
knowledge, you've created a sense of intimacy and made your listener feel
important. Your listener will feel a need, and often even the desire, to
reciprocate the information or to share something personal about himself
in return. He will begin to open up and share useful information with you.

Judges especially have to deal with their jurors being influenced by

"secret information." Attorneys often strategically introduce information

212
that the jury really isn't supposed to evaluate. When this happens, the
judge can either declare a mistrial or tell the jury to ignore the
information. In most cases, the jury is told to ignore the information, but
the perpetual dilemma is that doing so heightens the information's validity
in the minds of the jury members. In an exhaustive study on this issue by
the University of Chicago Law School, a jury was to decide the amount of
damages in an injury lawsuit. When the professor made it known that the
defendant had been insured against the loss, the damages went up 13
percent. When the judge told the jury they had to ignore the new
information, the amount went up 40 percent.[11]

Be extra careful not to plead and beg for your prospects to open up. Let
them know you truly care and have a desire to know out of genuine
concern, not curiosity. Pleading quickly becomes a red flag that shows
your prospects you just want to know the juicy details rather than having
any real desire to help them. As with the other Rules of Persuasion, be
sincere by showing you really care and truly have their best interest at
heart.
[11] D. Broeder, "The University of Chicago Jury Project," Nebraska Law
Review (1959): 744760.

Caution

The Rule of Obligation can backfire on you or become a matter of ethics

if it's used for the wrong reasons. Manipulation is the flip side of
obligation. If you use obligation to manipulate, I guarantee that you will
lose your ability to persuade. People will catch on to your tactics, quickly
declining any gifts you might offer or even refusing to be around you.
Your gifts will be perceived as set-ups. People will instinctively know that
it's only a matter of time before you come back around asking for that
favor to be reciprocated.

Understand that there is a great difference between obligation and

coercion. To become an excellent Persuader you must first master
yourself. It is essential that you have a foundation on which to build.

213
Chapter 5
The Rule of Connectivity
Contagious Cooperation
Overview

The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing

how to get along with people.

THEODORE ROOSEVELT

We have all had the experience of feeling an instant connection or bond

with someone after just a few seconds of being in their presence. This is
the Rule of Connectivity. We have probably all met someone whom we
instantly did not like and did not want to be around. This is caused by a
lack of connectivity and usually takes only a few seconds to manifest
itself. The Rule of Connectivity states that the more we feel connected to,
part of, liked by, or attracted to someone, the more persuasive they
become. When you create an instant bond or connection, people feel
comfortable around you. They will feel like they have known you for a
long time and that they can easily relate to you. When we feel connected
with someone, we feel comfortable and understood; they can relate to us
and a sense of trust ensues.

There are four main factors in connectivity: attraction, similarity, people

skills, and rapport. Each of these points will be discussed in detail in the
following pages. However, before proceeding, it is important to note that
really connecting with others requires an attitude of sincerity, a lot of
practice, and a true interest in the other person. Whatever you do, don't
take your relationships with people for granted.

Attraction: The Halo Effect

Attraction operates by making one positive characteristic of a person

affect other people's overall perception of him. Sociologists describe this
as the halo effect. Because of this halo effect, people automatically
associate traits of kindness, trust, and intelligence with people who are
attractive. We naturally try to please people we like and find attractive. If
your audience likes you, they will forgive you for your "wrongs" and

214
remember your "rights." In fact, studies show that people who are
physically attractive are better able to persuade others. They are also
perceived as friendlier and more talented, and they usually have higher
incomes.[1] "Attractive" means more than just looking beautiful or
handsome. It also encompasses having the ability to attract and draw
people to you.

The effect of attractiveness transcends all situations. For example, the

judicial system, which is supposed to be based upon evidence, has
documented cases where attractiveness made a dramatic difference. In one
Pennsylvania study, researchers rated the attractiveness of seventy-four
male defendants at the start of their criminal trials. Later, the researchers
reviewed the court records for the decisions in these cases and found that
the handsome men had received significantly lighter sentences. In fact,
those researchers found that the attractive defendants were twice as likely
to avoid jail time as unattractive defendants. In the same study, a
defendant who was better looking than his victim was assessed an average
fine of $5,623; but when the victim was the more attractive of the two, the
average compensation was twice that much.[2] What's more, both female
and male jurors showed the same bias.

The halo effect also affects political elections. In 1974, a Canadian

Federal election board found attractive candidates received more than two
and a half times as many votes as unattractive candidates. When voters
were surveyed about their bias, 73 percent denied, in the strongest
possible terms, that they were influenced by attractiveness. Another 14
percent would only allow for the possibility.[3]

Consider these everyday examples of one's appearance influencing their

circumstances: Have you ever noticed that height often seems to have
some relationship to one's position? It often seems that the taller people
get better jobs and have higher salaries.

Did you ever notice that there are some children who seem to be able to
get away with anything? There has been some research showing that
attractive children who misbehave are considered "less naughty" by adults
than less attractive children. In elementary school, teachers often presume
the more attractive children are even more intelligent than the less
attractive children.[4]

215
When we come in contact with someone of the opposite sex, the
attractiveness concept is magnified. Attractive females can persuade men
more easily than unattractive ones, and attractive males can persuade
females more easily than unattractive males can. We see obvious
examples of this all around us. At conventions and trade shows, large
corporations fill their space with sexy and attractive females. In one study,
men who saw a new car ad that included a seductive female model rated
the car as faster, more appealing, more expensive looking, and better
designed than did men who viewed the same ad without the model.[5]
Additionally, female students who are perceived to be more attractive by
their professors often receive substantially higher grades than unattractive
females. It is not uncommon for a store manager to assign an attractive
female sales associate to the young man who walks in the door. Most
store managers (although they won't admit it) hire attractive salespeople to
attract more customers.

Research has shown that looks matter outside of advertising as well. In

various studies, attractive men and women, when compared to those who
were considered to be less attractive, were judged to be happier, smarter,
friendlier, and more likable. They were also considered likely to have
better jobs, be better marital partners, or to get more dates. The halo effect
causes us to see such people only in a positive way, which gives them
persuasive power. Because of the way we view them, we want to be like
them and we hope for them to like us in return.[6]

The attractiveness of our clothes can also evoke the Rule of Connectivity.
Researchers Freed, Chandler, Mouton, and Blake conducted a now-
famous experiment on how easy it would be to encourage people to ignore
a "Don't Walk" sign at a city intersection. When a well-dressed individual
ignored the sign and walked into the street, 14 percent of the people who
had been waiting for the light to change followed him across. When the
same person repeated the experiment the next day, now dressed in sloppy
clothes, only 4 percent of the people followed him across. A similar effect
has been found in hiring situations. In one study, the good grooming of
applicants in a simulated employment interview accounted for more
favorable hiring decisions than did their job qualifications. This happened
even though the interviewers claimed that appearance only played a minor
role in their choices.[7]

216
I know that when I travel, how I am treated and how often I am upgraded
is directly related to how I am dressed. I can persuade the airline attendant
to give me better seats, a better flight, or the help I need much better and
faster when I am in a suit than when I am wearing casual attire.

When I have on jeans and a T-shirt, I am viewed as less attractive and, as

a result, get less cooperation.

Not only can we focus on our other abilities to make us appear more
attractive, but we can also increase our physical attractiveness in many
different ways. Attractiveness lies in the simple things that many people
over-look, like being in shape and watching your weight, picking nice
clothes to wear, paying attention to your accessories (i.e., jewelry, glasses,
earrings, etc.), and having well-groomed hair. Keep track of hair and
clothing styles. Styles can change dramatically, and if we ignore fashion,
our persuasive ability may be put in jeopardy. When in doubt, look to
national newscasters as conservative role models in style.
[1]A. H. Eagley, R. D. Ashmore, M. G. Makhijani, and L. C. Longo, "What Is
Beautiful Is Good, But . . . : A Meta-Analytical Review of Research on the
Physical Attractiveness Stereotype," Psychological Bulletin (1990): 109128.

[2]R. A. Kulka and J. R. Kessler, "Is Justice Really Blind? The Effect of Litigant
Physical Attractiveness on Judicial Judgment," Journal of Applied Social
Psychology (1978): 336381.

[3]M. G. Efran and E. W. J. Patterson, "The Politics of Appearance," unpublished

manuscript, University of Toronto, 1976.

[4]J. Rich, "Effects of Children's Physical Attractiveness on Teachers'

Evaluations," Journal of Educational Psychology (1975): 599609.

[5]G. H. Smith and R. Engel, "Influence of a Female Model on Perceived

Characteristics of an Automobile," Proceedings of the 76th Annual Convention of
the American Psychological Association (1968): 681682.

[6]M. L. Knapp and J. A. Hall, Nonverbal Communication in Human Interaction,

3rd edition (New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1992).

[7]D. Mack and D. Rainey, "Female Applicants' Grooming and Personnel

Selection," Journal of Social Behavior and Personality (1990): 399407.

217
Similarity: Similar Is Familiar

Similarity theory states that familiar objects are more liked than less
familiar ones. The same holds true with people: We like people who are
similar to us. This theory seems to hold true whether the commonality is
in the area of opinions, personality traits, background, or lifestyle.
Consequently, those who want us to comply with their wishes can
accomplish that purpose by appearing similar to us in a variety of ways.

Studies show that we tend to like and are more attracted to those who are
like us and with whom we can relate. If you watch people a party, you
will see them instantly gravitate towards people who seem to be similar to
themselves. I can remember walking in a foreign country, taking in the
unfamiliar sights and sounds, and then running into someone from my
own country. We could have been from opposites sides of the nation, but
there was an instantaneous bond between us, all because we had
something in common in a mutually unfamiliar place.

Have you ever heard the saying, "People buy from people they like"? This
is true even in the judicial system. If jurors feel that they share some
common ground with you and, better yet, like you even subconsciously
for that similarity, then you will have a markedly better chance of
winning your case. Anytime we establish something about ourselves that
others will identify with, we increase our persuasive powers. In one
particular study, antiwar demonstrators were more inclined to sign
petitions of those similarly dressed, and often didn't even bother to read
the petition before signing![8]

Similarly, we gravitate toward people who dress like us. In the 1970s,
when young people tended to dress in either "hippie" or "straight" fashion,
researchers studied the effects of clothing styles. Experimenters donned
hippie or straight attire and asked college students on campus for a dime
to make a phone call. When the experimenter was dressed in the same
way as the student, the request was granted in more than two thirds of all
instances; when the student and requester were dissimilarly dressed, the
dime was provided less than half the time.[9] Numerous studies conclude
that your audience is most responsive to individuals who dress and act
similarly to them.

218
An especially apt illustration can be found in a study done by
psychologists at Columbia University. Researchers placed wallets on the
ground containing $2.00 in cash, a check for $26.30, the "owner's" ID,
and a letter giving evidence that the wallet had already been lost before.
The letter was written to the owner from the original finder, expressing
his intentions to return the wallet as soon as possible. The letter was
sometimes written in perfect English, while other times it was written in
poor English, as though created by a foreigner. Researchers wanted to see
whether the wallet would be returned more frequently when finders felt
some commonality with the writer of the letter. The study found that only
33 percent of the respondents returned the wallet when the person who
wrote the letter was seen as dissimilar, while 70 percent returned the
wallet when they thought they were similar to the letter writer.[10]

Do you remember all the "cliques" in junior high, high school, or even
college? People associate and interact with those they view as similar to
themselves. Cliques are often based on such commonalities as gender,
age, educational background, professional interests, hobbies, and ethnic
background. In one study, researchers examined the social networks of
prison inmates.[11] Their "cliques" were typically centered on
commonalities of race, geographical origin, and the types of crime
committed. One group of three men stood out to the researchers because
they shared a tight companionship yet seemed to have no common
backgrounds. Just as the study was coming to a close, the three men
escaped together, demonstrating that we also build alliances based on
common goals.

Researchers McCroskey, Richmond, and Daly say there are four critical
steps to similarity: attitude, morality, background, and appearance.[12]
When receiving a persuasive message, we ask the following questions
subconsciously:
1. Does the speaker think like me?
2. Does the speaker share my morals?
3. Does the speaker share my background?
4. Does the speaker look like me?
Of the four similarity factors, attitudes and morals are the most
important.[13] Effective Persuaders are always looking for similarities or
common beliefs to form the basis of common foundations with their
prospects. We want to be persuaded by those who are like us and with

219
whom we can relate. We see real-world examples of this in
advertisements. We want to see people we can identify with, and the
advertising execs accommodate us. When we see a particular commercial,
we think, "Hey, he is just like me! He doesn't have time to pick up his
socks, either. That couple has a messy, cluttered house, too." We see ads
showing the average Joe or Jill because they create that similarity.

Your audience will connect with you when they perceive the similarity.
O'Keefe found two important points regarding similarity and persuasion.
First, the similarity must be relevant to the subject or issue being
persuaded. Second, to persuade someone, the similarities must involve
positive rather than negative qualities.[14]
[8]P. Suedfeld, S. Bocher, and C. Matas, "Petitioner's Attire and Petition Signing
by Peace Demonstrators: A Field Experiment," Journal of Applied Social
Psychology (1971): 278283.

[9]T. Emswiller, K. Deaux, and J. E. Willits, "Similarity, Sex and Requests for
Small Favors," Journal of Applied Psychology (1971): 284291.

[10]H. A. Hornstein, E. Fisch, and M. Holmes, "Influence of a Model's Feeling

About His Behavior and His Relevance as a Comparison Other on Observers'
Helping Behavior," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1968):
222226.

[11]H. Russell Bernard and Peter Killworth, "The Search for Social Physics,"
Connections 20, 1 (1997): 1634.

[12]J. C. McCroskey, V. P. Richmond, and J. A. Daly, "The Development of a

Measure of Perceived Homophily in Interpersonal Communication," Human
Communication Research (1975): 323332.

[13]Bernard Asbell, with Karen Wynn, What They Know About You (New
York: Random House, 1991), pp. 2833.

[14]D. J. O'Keefe, Persuasion: Theory and Research (Newbury Park, Calif.: Sage,
1990).

People Skills: Winning Instant Acceptance from Others

The ability to work well with people tops the list for common skills and
habits of highly successful people. Studies show that as much as 85
220
percent of your success in life depends on your people skills and the
ability to get others to like you. In fact, the Carnegie Institute of
Technology found that only 15 percent of employment and management
success is due to technical training or intelligence, while the other 85
percent is due to personality factors, or the ability to deal with people
successfully. A Harvard University study also found that for every person
who lost his job for failure to do work, two people lost their jobs for
failure to deal successfully with people.

In this era where technology is taking over our lives, it is tempting to

think that personality and the ability to deal with people are not important
qualities. On the contrary, we crave personal interaction now more than
ever. People still want to get to know you and like you before the doors of
persuasion and influence are unlocked. We most often prefer to say yes to
the requests of people we know and like.

Network marketing companies rely on the effects of people skills.

Marketing techniques are arranged in such a way so as to capitalize on the
fact that people are drawn to buy products from people they know and
with whom they are friends. In this way, the attraction, warmth, security,
and obligation of friendship are brought to bear on the sales setting. For
example, at Tupperware home parties, the strength of the social bond is
twice as likely to dictate whether or not someone will buy a product as is
the preference for the product itself.

People skills are crucial because they have a huge impact on our success.
First impressions are made within only four minutes of initial interaction
with a stranger,[15] so we don't have time to not have good people skills.
Whole books have been written on people skills, but let's address some of
the most important and basic communication and interaction techniques.

Goodwill

Goodwill in persuasive practice comes courtesy of Dale Carnegie, one of

the "greats" in terms of understanding human nature. He told us that by
becoming interested in other people, you will get them to like you faster
than if you spent all day trying to get them interested in you.[16] Having
goodwill entails appearing friendly or concerned with the other person's
best interest. Aristotle said, "We consider as friends those who wish good
things for us and who are pained when bad things happen to us."

221
This caring and kindness means being sensitive and thoughtful. It means
acting with consideration, politeness, civility, and genuine concern for
those around us. It is the foundation for all interactions and creates a
mood of reciprocity. You will win hearts and loyalty through compassion.

You invoke goodwill by focusing on positives. Don't be harsh or forceful

when dealing in areas where the other person is sensitive or vulnerable.
Additionally, make statements and perform actions that show that you
have the audience's best interest in mind.

Bonding: Name Calling Works

One of the quickest ways to form an immediate bond with people is by

using and remembering their names. How can you effectively remember a
name? When someone tells you her name, clarify the pronunciation,
clarify the spelling, relate the name to something, and use it again quickly
before you forget. Research shows that if you use a person's first name
at the beginning and end of a sentence, your chance of persuasion
increases. It's a simple technique that is easy to implement and which
creates an instant bond. Don't use the age-old excuse, "I can't remember
names."

Remembering someone's name is a function of listening, not a function of

memory.

Humor

Humor can be a powerful tool of persuasion. Humor makes the persuader

seem more friendly and accepting. Humor can gain you attention, help
you create rapport, and make your message more memorable. It can
relieve tension, enhance relationships, and motivate people. The actor
John Cleese once said, "If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me
better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade
you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you
acknowledge its truth." Professional persuaders, such as advertisers, know
that humor can be a powerful tool; humor is used in 36 percent of all
television ads in the United Kingdom and 24 percent of television ads in
the United States.[17]

Humor can also distract your audience from negative arguments or grab
their attention if they are not listening. Herbert Gardner said, "Once
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you've got people laughing, they're listening and you can tell them almost
anything." Humor may divert attention away from the negative context of
a message, thereby interfering with the ability of listeners to carefully
scrutinize it or engage in counterarguments. If listeners are laughing at the
jokes, they may pay less attention to the content of a message. Humor can
"soften up" or disarm listeners.

Humor must be used cautiously, however. If used inappropriately, it can

be offensive and may cause your audience to turn against you. Humor
should only be used as a pleasant but moderate distraction. As a rule of
thumb, if you are generally not good at telling jokes, don't attempt it when
you are in a persuasion situation. Be sure that you have good material.
Non-funny humor is not only ineffective but irritating. Modify your
humor so that it is appropriate for your audience.

Smile

The safest way to increase people skills is to give away smiles. A smile is
free, generates a great first impression, and shows happiness, acceptance,
and confidence. Your smile shows that you are pleased to be where you
are, meeting this person. As a result, he in turn becomes more interested
in meeting you. Smiling also conveys a feeling of acceptance, which
makes your listener more trusting of you. It has been shown that sales
representatives who smiled during the sales process increased their
success rate by 20 percent. However, as with traditional humor, use a
smile appropriately.

Respect

In order for your audience to take your message seriously, they have to
have some level of respect for you. The more they respect you, the more
successful you will be. Building respect often takes time, but there are
things you can do to facilitate it. You need to show gratitude be
thankful for what others do for you. Never criticize others or talk about
your problems. People want to talk about two things: themselves and their
problems. If you listen when people tell you their problems, they will
think you are wise and understanding. Remember, how others feel about
you is often influenced by how you make them feel about themselves.
Being a person who makes other people feel good will go a long way
toward increasing your likeability in their eyes.

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[15]L. Zunin and N. Zunin, Contact: The First Four Minutes (New York:
Ballantine Books, 1986).

[16]Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People (New York: Simon
& Schuster / Pocket Books, 1936), p.139.

[17]Malcom L. Kushner, The Light Touch (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1991)
p. 18.

Rapport: The Instant Connection

Rapport is the secret ingredient that makes us feel a tangible and

harmonious link with someone else. It is equivalent to being on the same
wavelength with the other person. Rapport is the key that makes mutual
trust materialize.

Have you ever met a perfect stranger and just hit it off? Finding plenty to
talk about, you almost felt as if you had met before. It just felt right. So
comfortable were you in talking about practically anything that you lost
track of time. You developed such a strong bond with that person that you
knew what he was going to say. Everything just clicked between the two
of you and you felt very close to this person. It might have been a physical
attraction, or it might have just entailed being on the same wavelength.
You felt your ideas were in sync and you enjoyed your time with each
other. This is rapport. When there is rapport, we can differ in our opinions
with someone else but still feel a connection or bond with that person.
Rapport can even exist between two people who share very few
similarities.

In our discussion of rapport, we are going to elaborate on two concepts:

body language and mirroring. Both of these ideas will help you to develop
rapport faster.

Body Language: Attracts or Distracts

Whether we realize it or not, we are constantly reading and being read by

others. Even without the utterance of words, the language of the body
speaks volumes. Often, interpreting body language is a subconscious
thing. We may not make a conscientious effort to think through all the
details of why someone has just folded their arms across their chest and
224
narrowed their eyes at us, yet somehow this body language registers
subliminally and makes us feel uneasy. The subconscious instantaneously
interprets these actions to indicate resistance, suspicion, or spite, even if
we have not made a conscious study of the opposing person or their
background.

Using body language to its fullest not only involves mastering your own
use of outward gestures to create and maintain rapport, but also entails
acquiring the ability to read the body language of another person. When
you can effectively read body language, you can identify the emotions and
discomfort of others. You can see tension and disagreement. You can feel
rejection and suspicion. You have to understand that your body language
adds to or detracts from your message. In other words, your subconscious
gestures and expressions can either help or hurt your ability to persuade
others. You can create rapport by understanding and adopting the right
body postures and countenances for your prospect.

Everything about you, be it outward or subtle, communicates something

to somebody else. The words you use, your facial expressions, what you
do with your hands, your tone of voice, and your level of eye contact will
determine whether people accept or reject you and your message. To be
persuasive, you have to present not only openness, but also authority.

Albert Mehrabian says we are perceived in three ways:

1. 55 percent Visually (body language)
2. 38 percent Vocally (tone of voice)
3. 7 percent Verbally (spoken words)[18]
Other research estimates that as much as 93 percent of your message's
impact depends on nonverbal elements.[19] This includes facial
expressions, body movement, vocal cues, and proxemics (the study of
spatial separation between individuals).

Body language and gestures are an innate part of our psyche. There have
been many interesting studies conducted on body language and the use of
gestures. In one particular experiment, twelve children with perfect vision
and twelve children who were blind since birth were observed to see
whether either group gestured more than the other. The results showed
that the blind children actually gestured just as much as their full-sighted
counterparts, even when they knowingly spoke with other blind children.
The researchers concluded that gesturing is an innate part of our
225
expressive and communicative patterns, and that speech and body
language are highly interconnected.[20]

Furthermore, the researchers asserted that speech and body language also
bear strong ties to our thought processes. One article discusses how
gesturing can serve as a memory aide. Subjects had a more difficult time
remembering words when they had to keep their hands holding on to a bar
than when their hands were free.[21]

There is a direct correlation between our ability to read body language and
our relationships. In another study, college students were tested to see
whether they could accurately identify the meanings behind certain facial
expressions and tones of voice. Significantly, the research consistently
showed that the students who made the most errors in interpreting the
meanings were those who had troubled relationships and/or greater
feelings of depression.

Eyes

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "The eyes of men converse as much as their
tongues." The more common phrase we hear is "the eyes are the windows
to the soul." Through our eyes, we can gauge the truthfulness,
intelligence, attitude, and feelings of a speaker. Not making eye contact
when we ought to can have devastating results. Note the following true
example:

Pennzoil Oil took the Texaco Oil Company to court over Texaco's
allegedly interfering with a contract Pennzoil already had with Getty Oil.
Throughout the trial, Pennzoil's counsel was accused of trying to sway the
jury by encouraging their witnesses to make eye contact and joke with the
jurors. To show that they were serious and did not consider the
circumstances a joking matter, Texaco's counsel told witnesses not to joke
at all and to avoid eye contact with the jurors. Unfortunately, the advice
proved to be unwise and cost Texaco dearly in the end. Pennzoil was
granted more than $2.5 billion in damages the largest damage award in
U.S. history. Why? Afterwards, jurors expressed distrust toward the
witnesses who had avoided eye contact, even going so far as to call them
"arrogant" and "indifferent."

Our eyes' pupils are one of the most sensitive and complicated parts of our
body. They react to light but they also respond to our emotions, betraying
226
a variety of feelings. When a person is aroused, interested, and receptive,
the pupils dilate. This is an attempt by the eye to allow the entry of more
light and more information. Being able to see each other's pupils is so
important to our communication that we often distrust a person wearing
sunglasses. Consciously or subconsciously, we assume that use of the
glasses is a direct attempt to hide the eyes in fear that they will reveal the
truth.

Making eye contact can also convey love or passion. In a number of

studies on eye contact and attraction, researchers found that simply
looking into one another's eyes can create passionate feelings. In one
particular case, two members of the opposite sex who were complete
strangers were found to have amorous feelings toward each other after
merely gazing into one another's eyes.[22] In another study, beggars were
interviewed about their "tactics" for getting donations from passersby.
Several of the beggars stated that one of the very first things they tried to
do was establish eye contact. They claimed that making eye contact made
it harder for people to pretend they hadn't seen them, to ignore them, or to
just keep walking.[23] Other studies have shown that public speakers who
make more eye contact, use pleasant facial expressions, and incorporate
appropriate gestures into their speeches have more persuasive power than
speakers who do not.[24]

Hands

The way we use our hands tells others a lot about what we are thinking or
feeling. For example, if your hands are tucked away in your pockets or
behind your back, you may be perceived as holding something back.
Clenched fists may portray anger or tension. Holding your hands up
around your face over your mouth, by your ear, etc. may portray
dishonesty. Stroking your chin shows you are thinking about what has
been said. If you place your hands flat on the table in front of you, you
may be sending a signal that you agree. On the other hand, placing your
hands on your hips may express defiance or dominance.

The way we shake hands also tells people a lot about us. It is customary in
business situations to shake hands with someone when we first meet them
or when we are sealing a deal. Even if we don't realize it, a firm
handshake conveys cooperation and alliance. Weak or limp handshakes,
on the other hand, portray just that: weakness, incompetence, or maybe

227
even disinterest. Be sure your handshakes are always firm and
appropriately energetic.

Head

If you notice your prospect tilting her head toward you, it is very likely
that she is interested in the deal. If her head is tilted away, however, she
may not be totally sold, and, in fact, she may feel some distrust or
dissatisfaction toward you or the offer. If she rests her head on her hand,
she is bored or not really interested. If she keeps looking around, you can
bet she is most likely thinking: "Get me out of here." Obviously, nodding
her head would express agreement and interest.

Legs

If your prospect is pointing his feet in your direction, he is most likely

facing you and is therefore likely to be very interested in your offer. If his
legs or feet are pointed away from you, however, he may just be enduring
your pitch and may be feeling ready to leave as soon as he has the
opportunity. If his legs are crossed when he stands, he may still be feeling
some awkwardness about the deal. On the other hand, if his legs are
crossed when he is seated, he may be feeling some resistance to you or
your offer. If he keeps tapping his foot, he's either wishing you would shut
up and let him talk or he's feeling bored.

Other Types of Non verbal Communication

As mentioned above, putting your hands or fingers to your nose or mouth

can send a message that you are lying. As a general rule, keep your hands
away from your face and head when engaging in the persuasion process.
Here are a few more non verbal indicators:
Leaning closer interest and comfort
Learning away discomfort with the facts or with the person
Nodding interest, agreement, and understanding
Relaxed posture openness to communicate
Hand to cheek evaluating or considering
Sitting with hands clasped behind head arrogance or superiority
Tapping or drumming fingers impatience or annoyance
Steepling fingers closing off or creating barrier
Fidgeting boredom, nervousness, or impatience
Clutching objects tightly anxiety or nervous anticipation
228
 Chin stroke deep thinking or intently listening
From what we have discussed, you can see that resistance can be easily
detected in your prospect. Check to see if your prospect's body is leaning
away from you. Observe whether she faces you at an angle. Look to see
whether her arms, legs, or both are crossed. She may glance from the
corner of the eye and make minimal eye contact. She may tap her finger
or foot or her feet may point away from you. Generally, if she is
resisting your persuasive efforts, her posture is closed. When you
persuade, avoid adopting this body language. By opening yourself up, you
may prompt her to follow suit.

Touch

Touch is another powerful part of body language important enough to

devote a whole section to it alone. Touch can be a very effective
psychological technique. Subconsciously, we like to be touched; it makes
us feel appreciated and liked. It is true, though, that we do need to be
aware and careful of a small percentage of the population who dislikes
being touched in any way. In most instances, however, touch can help put
people at ease and make them more receptive to you and your ideas.

Touch can create a positive perception in the person being touched. Touch
carries with it favorable interpretations of immediacy, affection,
similarity, relaxation, and informality.[25] In one research study,
librarians did one of two things when handing back library cards to
university students checking out books: either they did not touch the
person at all during the exchange or they made light, physical contact by
placing a hand over the student's palm. Invariably, those students who
were touched during the transaction rated the library service more
favorably than those who were not touched at all.[26] Waiters/waitresses
who touched customers on the arm when asking if everything was okay
received larger tips and were evaluated more favorably than those waiters
who didn't touch their customers. Attractive waitresses who touched their
customers received the highest tips of all. Touch also induces customers
to spend more time shopping in a particular store. In one study, physical
contact on the part of salespeople induced customers to buy more and to
evaluate the store more favorably.[27]

In another example, touch was found to increase the number of people

who volunteered to score papers, sign petitions, and return money that had
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been left in a telephone booth. Syracuse professor Jacob Hornik
discovered that touching bookstore customers on the arm caused them to
shop longer (to be exact, 22.11 minutes versus 13.56 minutes), to
purchase more ($15.03 versus $12.23), and to evaluate the store more
positively than customers who had not been touched. Hornik also found
that supermarket customers who had been touched were more likely to
taste and purchase food samples than non-touched customers.[28]

We know that certain areas of the body can be freely touched while other
areas are off limits. Women don't mind being touched by other women
and they are fairly tolerant of being touched (appropriately) by men. Men
usually don't mind being touched by an unfamiliar female but things
get harder to predict in cases where men are touching other men. In
general, men don't like being touched by unfamiliar men. Safe areas of
contact include the shoulders, forearms and hands, and sometimes the
upper back. This all depends on the situation and relationship between the
two parties prior to the touch.

Mirroring and Matching

John Grinder and Richard Bandler, founders of neuro linguistic

programming (NLP), developed the concept of "mirror and matching."
The idea is to align your movements and body image with your prospect's
demeanor. The goal is to mirror or reflect their actions, not to imitate
them. If people think you are imitating them, they may feel like you're
mocking them and they may become offended. They will see you as
phony and no longer trust you. Instead of directly imitating, just mirror or
match the overall tone and demeanor of your prospect. You can safely
mirror their language, posture, gestures, and mood.

When you mirror your prospects, you build rapport with them. Because of
your similar demeanors, your prospects will feel a connection with you.
Remember, people are inclined to follow and obey those they perceive as
similar to themselves. If they shift in their posture, you should eventually
do so, too. If they cross their legs, you should cross your legs as well. If
they smile, you smile too. When you do this, your prospects will
subconsciously feel that you have much more in common with them than
is actually the case.

We often unconsciously mirror others, without even realizing it. It is just a

natural thing that we do. Have you ever noticed at social gatherings how
230
people tend to match each other in their body language and their attitudes?
For example, when two people greet each other, they typically tend to use
the same posture and behave with the same demeanor. As a Persuader,
you will make skillful and conscientious use of mirroring. Mirroring
Language

You will be amazed at the effectiveness of using vocabulary or "lingo"

similar to that of your prospect. Pick up on and use some of the words or
phrases that your prospect uses. You may also find it helpful to mirror his
rate of speech. If he speaks in a slower and more relaxed tone, you can do
the same. Nevertheless, be sure to keep the enthusiasm high. If he speaks
quickly, feel free to do the same.

Matching Breathing

See if you can adopt the same breathing pattern as your prospect. In doing
so, it is helpful to observe the rise and fall of your prospect's chest or
shoulders for cues. Of course, use your peripheral vision to do this so you
are always maintaining eye contact. Synchronized breathing between you
and your prospect is such a subtle thing, yet it creates connectivity.

Matching Voice

This is different from matching language. It refers to the actual tone or

inflection of your prospect's voice. Be very careful, however, that you do
not come across as mimicking. The "mirrored" voice you use should
never be so different or foreign from your own that you arouse suspicion.
Just minor and subtle adjustments in tone are all that are necessary to get
the desired results.

Mirroring Moods

When you reflect your prospect's mood, you give validation to what he is
saying and feeling. We often verbally mirror another's mood by restating
what he or she just said: "So, what I hear you saying is . . ." or "I think I
would feel that way too, if I also experienced. . . ." Be sure when you
mirror your prospect's mood that your tone is very sincere. When you
sincerely acknowledge your prospect's comments, concerns, and feelings,
your persuasive power increases.

Matching Energy Level

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Some people always seem to be relaxed and mellow. Others seem to be
constantly active or vivacious. Seek to mirror your prospect's energy
level. This will be another subtle way you are in sync with your prospect.
This technique is also effective when giving a group presentation: Match
the overall energy level present in the room, or adopt the level of energy
emanating from the group.

Breaking the Mirror

Certainly, there are occasions when you may not want to mirror someone
else. For example, a lawyer will often seek to create anxiety or uneasiness
in a witness. To accomplish this, the lawyer needs to avoid mirroring.
While the witness is slumped back in the seat looking at the ground, the
lawyer may hover or stand rigidly and look intensely at the witness's face.
Have you ever noticed or felt the uneasiness when someone stood in the
middle of a conversation where everyone was seated? Have you ever
experienced the awkwardness of glancing at your watch when you're in
the middle of a conversation with someone and they notice? "Breaking the
mirror" breaks the synchronization that makes everyone feel calm and
comfortable. If you need to break the mirror, simply stop mirroring and
sit, speak, or gesture differently from the person you're dealing with. You
can create even further distance by altering your demeanor abruptly or
suddenly.

As you study persuasion, you must realize that connecting with your
audience is critical. Many persuaders don't know how to maintain that
rapport throughout the entire persuasive situation. You see people in sales
break the ice, find similarities, build rapport for the first five minutes, and
then launch into their presentation. All of a sudden, they get serious and
change their demeanor. What is the prospect going to think? The person
he has been talking to for the past five minutes has now changed. Which
one is the real person? The two were getting along, having fun, and all of
a sudden, without warning, the salesperson becomes serious and dives
into a sales pitch. This breaks rapport and seems incongruent to the
prospect. You both know why you are there and what the ultimate goal
will be, so continue to build on that rapport.

Connectivity takes time, research, and practice to master. You need to

learn how to read your prospect and your customer. Learn how to
determine whether your prospect is relaxed, nervous, confident, or
indifferent.
232
[18]Albert Mehrabian, Silent Messages (Belmont, Calif.: Wadsworth, 1971).

[19]T. G. Hegstrom, "Message Impact: What Percentage Is Nonverbal?" Western

Journal of Speech Communication (1979): 134142.

[20]Simon Ungar, Mark Blades, and Christopher Spencer, "Mental Rotation of a

Tactile Layout by Young Visually Impaired Children," Perception 24 (1995):
898900.

[21]John Carton, "Nonverbal Decoding Skills and Relationship Well-Being in

Adults," Journal of Non-Verbal Behavior 23 (Spring 1999): 91100.

[22]J. Kellerman, J. Lewis, and J.D. Laird, "Looking and Loving: The Effects of
Mutual Gaze on Feelings of Romantic Love," Journal of Research and
Personality (1989):

[23]J. D. Robinson, J. Seiter, and L. Acharya, "I Just Put My Head Down and
Society Does the Rest: An Examination of Influence Strategies Among Beggar,"
paper presented to the Western Speech Communication Association, Boise, Idaho
(1992).

[24]J. K. Burgoon, D. B. Buller, and W. G. Woodall, Nonverbal Communication:

The Unspoken Dialogue (New York: Harper and Row, 1989).

[25]J. K. Burgoon, J. B. Walther, and E. J. Baesler, "Interpretations, Evaluations,

and Consequences of Interpersonal Touch," Human Communication Research 19
(1992): 237263.

[26]J. D. Fisher, M. Rytting, and R. Heslin, "Hands Touching Hands: Affective

and Evaluative Effects of an Interpersonal Touch," Sociometry 39 (1976): 416
421.

[27]J. Hornick, "Tactile Stimulation and Consumer Response," Journal of

Consumer Research (1992): 449458.

[28]Ibid.

233
Available at http://www.lulu.com/Spotlight/Jaimelavie

234
Chapter 6
The Rule of Social Validation
The Art of Social Pressure
Overview

The greatest difficulty is that men do not think enough of themselves, do

not consider what it is that they are sacrificing when they follow a herd.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

We are social animals. We all have an innate desire to belong to a social

group. It is precisely because we value this sense of belonging so highly
that the more other people find an idea, trend, or position appealing or
correct, the more correct that idea becomes in our own minds. The Rule of
Social Validation recognizes and builds on our innate desire to be part of
the main group. It also recognizes that we tend to change our perceptions,
opinions, and behaviors in ways that are consistent with group norms.[1]
Even if we don't admit it, or maybe even realize it, we care about what
others think. As such, we use others' behavior as a guide in establishing
the standard for the choices and decisions we make.

We seek to find out what others are doing as a way of validating our own
actions. This method is how we decide what constitutes "correct"
behavior. We see the behavior as more correct when we see others doing
it. The more people do it, the more correct it becomes. Professor Kirk
Hansen of the Stanford Business School demonstrated this when he
boosted downloads for best-selling files on the Web by personally
downloading those files over and over so the counter was artificially high.
He and his team then observed that these boosted downloaded files were
downloaded even more frequently. The high number on the counter
indicated popularity, and people were most interested in downloading the
files that were already ranked the highest. Whether the question is what to
do with an empty can of soda at the park, how fast to drive in the city, or
how to eat the soup at a restaurant, the validation of others gives us our
answers and therefore guides our actions.

235
We feel validation when we see others do what we want to do. We
learned early in life that we make fewer mistakes when we follow the
social norm. There are two types of norms: explicit and implicit. Explicit
norms are openly spoken or written. For example, road signs, employee
manuals, or game rules are all examples of explicit norms. Implicit norms
are not usually stated openly. For example, most people don't have to be
directed to say hello or to smile when they see someone, but they do it
anyway. Or, somehow you know better than to put your feet up on the
dinner table when you're a guest in someone's home, even though your
host most likely will not request that you refrain from doing so.

If we don't know the norm, we look around and find it. The Rule of Social
Validation becomes a way to save time and energy in figuring out what is
correct. We use others' behavior to guide our own actions, to validate
what we should or should not do. We don't always have to look at the
positive and the negative in every situation. This automatic trigger saves
us from thinking. We compare what we do against the standard of what
everyone else is doing. If we find a discrepancy between what we observe
and what we do, we tend to make changes in the direction of the social
norm.

[1]Sharon Brehm, Saul Kassin, and Steven Fein, Social Psychology (New
York: Houghton Mifflin, 1999), p. 213.

Going with the Crowd

Social validation compels us to change our behaviors, our attitudes, and

our actions, even when what we observe doesn't really match our true
feelings, style, and thoughts. We go against our better judgment because
we want to be liked, accepted, and found in agreement with everyone else.
When we are part of a crowd, we "no longer feel individually responsible
for our emotions or actions. We can allow ourselves to shout, sing, cry, or
strike without temperament imposed by personal accountability."[2]

We seek out social norms to help us know what we should be feeling or

doing. For the most part, this is not a conscious process. We
subconsciously accept many ways of behaving that are determined by our
surroundings and the actions of others, such as raising our hands to speak
in class, how we behave at a concert, or how we act at work because of
the corporate culture. When we become part of a group, our once
divergent emotions and feelings tend to converge.[3]
236
Usually, as long as most people agree with what we are doing or about to
do, we feel social validation. For the most part, we are all conformists.

We will do what the crowd does. We might not like to admit that, but it is
true. Only 5 to 10 percent of the population engages in behavior contrary
to the social norm.

We see this law operating in groups, in organizations, in meetings, and in

day-to-day public life. In all of these circumstances, there is a certain
standard or norm. In churches, the moral code determines the standard
behavior acceptable for the group. In organizations, the bylaws and years
of tradition establish a standard operating procedure. Because we want to
fit into these groups and maintain our membership with them, we conform
our actions to the norm.

When we find ourselves in a foreign situation where we feel awkward or

unsure of how to act, we look for those social cues that will dictate our
behavior.

[4] This could be at a party, during freshman orientation, while attending

a family gathering, or on one's first day on the job in a new company.
When the social information we are seeking is at all ambiguous, we don't
know how to respond and thus continue seeking out social clues. Imagine
if you were sitting in the movie theater enjoying your show when
somebody shouted, "FIRE!" Do you think you would jump up and run for
it? Well, if everyone else did, you would, too. If everyone remained
seated, you would remain seated also.

[2]Douglas Rushkoff, Coercion: Why We Listen to What They Say (New

York: Riverhead Books, 1999), p. 123.

[3]M. Sherif, The Psychology of Social Norms (New York: Harper,

1936).

[4]A. Tesser, J. Campbell, and S. Mickler, "The Role of Social Pressure,

Attention to the Stimulus, and Self-Doubt in Conformity," European
Journal of Social Psychology, (1983): 217233.

The Rule of Social Validation at Work

The Rule of Social Validation is in action all the time, everywhere:

publicly passing the donation plate to help with a community project;
237
doing the wave at sporting events; going to popular dance clubs when you
don't enjoy the surroundings; being afraid to raise your hand in class to
ask a question; franchise owners having their athletes sign their contracts
in public; stacking the top ten most popular books right in the entryway of
a bookstore; choosing restaurants according to which have the longest
lines or the most cars; choosing movies according to which ones everyone
is talking about; washing our hands in public restrooms only when
somebody else is watching; and restaurants seating their first patrons near
the window for everyone else to see.

Sometimes theaters even employ "professional audience members," or

claques, to start laughter, clapping, and even standing ovations! When
audience members see others stand and cheer or applaud, they are more
inclined to do so. Performers commonly "salt the tip jar" by placing some
money in the jar themselves. When people see that others have already
made contributions, they assume this is the appropriate and acceptable
thing to do. Salting the tip jar is a common practice among pianists,
bartenders, bus drivers, and even the homeless on the street. Even in
churches, the practice of "salting the collection plate" is often employed.
People are more inclined to donate if they are passed a plate that already
holds some bills.

Researchers from Arizona State University reported that before one of

Billy Graham's televised crusades, his organization had coached
thousands of volunteers on when to come up front, when to sing, and
when to clap, all to give the appearance of great, religious intensity.[5] In
televised fundraisers people manning the phones are instructed to pretend
they are talking to someone when the camera turns their way, to make it
appear that there is a huge volume of calls. This gives social validation to
the at-home audience that this charity is popular and an acceptable
organization to which to donate money.

Your video rental stores use social validity as a means of increasing

rentals on high-profit movies. Older movies return the highest profit for
video rental stores. When storeowners noticed that many customers check
the return stacks to see what videos other people were watching, they had
workers put older movies into the return bin. Social validation increased
the rentals of the older movies significantly.

Do you recall MCI's "Friends and Family" campaign? The result was a
gain of ten million customers in less than ten years! If we believe friends
238
and family people we know so well are participating in the
program, then we feel social proof and family pressure that it must be a
good company or product. That's why referrals are some of your best
prospects! Referrals are your greatest source of social validation.

Etiquette is also a form of social validation. When we eat, what we order,

what we drink, where we put our napkins, and how we cross our
silverware when finished, all are forms of social validation. Have you
ever noticed that no one wants to be the first to order dessert? If the
majority does not want dessert, it's likely that no one will. I recently
attended a business opportunity seminar that was promoting a home
business for $4,000. Throughout the course of the event, I saw many
elements of social validation. The organizers used testimonials from
people who were successful. The testifier stood up and claimed that this
business opportunity was the answer to his economic woes. Then, as a
form of social validation, all those who were ready to sign up had to walk
to the back of the room to do so. The first few people ran to the back sign-
up table. This was proof enough of the soundness of the business idea,
and a storm of people followed suit to sign up. Of course, once at the
back, there was a gentleman with a credit card machine running
everybody's card through, tempting everyone's ears wiiped.

Gangs exhibit a powerful manifestation of socialth that familiar sound of

the credit card machine being sw validation. New initiates allow older
members to beat them up just so they will be able to belong. Fraternity
hazings also reduce the initiate to a subhuman level all because of an
overwhelming desire to belong to a group. During one fraternity hazing,
new members were forced to drink so much alcohol that one guy passed
out. Members, oblivious to the seriousness of the situation, thought he
was asleep and left him there to sleep it off. Unfortunately, it turned out
he was found dead the next day, in the same spot where they had left him
the night before.

CNN reported on the vicious way in which some Marines are initiated
into the military. In the initiation ritual called "blood pinning" the recruits'
badges are literally pinned into their chests. Psychologists have identified
people belonging to these organizations with what is now called "gang
syndrome." Gang syndrome manifests itself when participants feel shame
for the crimes they committed (acts they've committed or pain they've
endured) but went through with them anyway so they could finally have a

239
sense of belonging, or a sense of family typically a feeling they never
experienced in their own home lives.[6]

I once attended a college football game between two fierce cross-town

rivals. Emotions were high, and we all wanted our home team to win. One
of the fans near me was using a megaphone to taunt the other team and its
fans. He only meant it in good fun, but it was not too long before a rent-a-
cop came up to the man and told him he could not use the megaphone
during the game. The rent-a-cop stood in the middle of the aisle of the
sold-out game. The fan said he was just having fun but the rent-a-cop
stressed that it was strictly against the rules. Then the social pressure and
validation kicked in. Other fans nearby told the rent-a-cop that the fan's
overzealous actions were okay and that there was no problem. The rent-a-
cop tried to persist, but the crowd only grew louder in their protests.
Finally, the rent-acop decided it wasn't worth the hassle and left.

Even watching someone else "do what's right" will give your cause social
validation. For example, one study asked 10,000 high school students to
give blood. The study found that students who had been exposed to thirty-
eight photos of high school blood-drive scenes were 17 percent more
likely to donate blood than the students who had not seen the photos.
Seeing others do the right thing prompts us to socially validate the cause
and to jump on board.[7]
[5]D. L. Altheide and J. M. Johnson, "Counting Souls: A Study of Counseling at
Evangelical Crusades," Pacific Sociological Review (1977): 323348.

[6]Craig Soderholm, How 10% of the People Get 90% of the Pie (New York: St.
Martin, 1997), p. 69.

[7]I. Sarason, G. Sarason, E. Pierce, B. Sherin, and M. Sayers, "A Social

Learning Approach to Increasing Blood Donations," Journal of Applied Social
Psychology (1991): 21.

Social Validation: The Power of the Group

In another study, researchers had very young children who were terrified
of dogs watch a little boy play with his dog for twenty minutes a day.
After only four days, 67 percent of the children were willing to sit in a
playpen with a dog and even remain with it when everyone else left the
room. The results were lasting, too: One month later, the same children
were just as eager to play with dogs.[8] In a similar study, children who
240
were afraid of dogs were influenced just as readily by films of a child
playing with a dog as they were when watching a live child play with a
dog.[9]

In another study, participants were asked to identify the longer of two

lines displayed on a screen. One line was clearly longer than the other, but
some participants had been privately instructed prior to the study to state
that the shorter line was longer. The surprising result was that several of
the unsuspecting participants actually gave in to social pressure and
changed their answers! Over the course of the entire study, 75 percent of
the participants gave the incorrect answer at least one time. In a related
study, it was determined that even when the correct answer is obvious,
individuals will knowingly give the incorrect answer 37 percent of the
time, just to go along with the consensus.[10]

You know how you often you have heard canned laughter on television
sitcoms even when there isn't anything really funny happening? Studies
prove that using canned laughter actually influences audience members to
laugh longer and more frequently, and to give the material higher ratings
for its "funniness."[11] Even for the portions of the show that seem to
have no humor at all, producers use laugh tracks to get us to laugh along.
The sad part is that it actually works! There is evidence that canned
laughter is most effective when the joke is really bad.[12] When two
audiences watch the same show, and one hears a laugh track while the
other doesn't, it's always the audience that hears the laugh track that
laughs the most!

Another study was set up to test whether passersby would stare up into the
air if there was another group of people already doing so. The researchers
arranged groups of one to fifteen people to congregate in New York City
at 33 West 42nd Street. A video camera was set up on the 6th floor to
catch the results on tape. Sure enough, the more people in the group who
were already gawking and looking into the air, the more passersby who
stopped, came over and stared, and looked up themselves![13]

When participants were asked to view a political debate among George H.

W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Ross Perot, it was found that the mere
presence of a confederate who cheered for one of the candidates
influenced the participant's overall evaluation of that candidate in a
positive manner.[14] Obviously, when receiving information in a social

241
setting, the audience can be skewed to perceive the information the way
the group tends to hear it.

In yet another study, researchers wanted to see whether mothers who had
just given birth to their first child would be more likely to adhere to
guidelines for their new babies' nutrition when instructed individually or
in a group.[15] The mothers were told that it could be important to give
their new babies cod-liver oil and orange juice. The mother's were taught
either one-on-one by a nutritionist associated with the hospital or in
groups of six. The study found that when taught in a group setting, the
mothers were far more inclined to give their babies cod-liver oil and
orange juice than those who had been taught individually.
[8]A. Bandura, J. E. Grusec, and F. L. Menlove, "Vicarious Extinction of
Avoidance Behavior," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 5 (1967):
1623.

[9]A. Bandura and F. L. Menlove, "Factors Determining Vicarious Extinction of

Avoidance Behavior Through Symbolic Modeling," Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology 8 (1968): 99108.

[10]S. Asch, "Forming Impression of Personality," Journal of Abnormal and

Social Psychology (1946): 258290.

[11]R. Fuller and A. Sheehy-Skeffington, "Effects of Group Laughter on

Responses to Humorous Materials: A Replication and Extension," Psychological
Reports (1974): 531534.

[12]T. Nosanchuk and J. Lightstone, "Canned Laughter and Public and Private
Conformity," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1974): 153156.

[13]S. Milgram, L. Bickman, and L. Berkowitz, "Note on the Drawing Power of

Crowds of Different Size," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1969):
7982.

[14]S. Fein, G. R. Goethals, S. M. Kassin, and J. Cross, "Social Influence and

Presidential Debates," American Psychological Association, Toronto, Canada,
1993.

[15]Kurt Lewin, "Forces Behind Food Habits and Methods of Change," Bulletin
of the National Research Council 108 (1943): 3565.

242
The Dark Side of Social Validation

Bystander Apathy

Numerous studies demonstrate that when someone is in trouble or in need

of help, as the number of bystanders increases, the number of people who
actually help decreases. Termed "bystander apathy," this effect occurs
because, in almost any situation, the more people that are present, the
more we feel a diffusion of responsibility. Our sense of social pressure is
lessened when we feel that there might be any number of people more
capable of helping than we are.

Have you ever been in a situation where, because of the numbers in your
group, you didn't really give it your all? For example, maybe on an
academic group project you weren't as diligent as you would have been
had you been solely responsible for the assignment. Or, maybe you've
helped push a stalled car to safety with some other people but didn't really
push your hardest. When we find ourselves in groups, there is a diffusion
of responsibility. Sometimes we don't know whether we should even
involve ourselves in the first place, since there are so many other people
who could take action. Have you ever seen someone pulled over on the
side of the road, but you just kept driving along with all the other cars
speeding by? When there are large numbers of people involved, we tend
to assume someone else will respond and take action first, or we might
conclude that our help is not really needed.

One particular case in history stands out as a classic example of bystander

apathy. Catherine Genovese, a young woman living in New York City,
was murdered one night when returning home from work. The
unfortunate truth of the matter was that, in a city like New York, her death
was just another of countless murders. Consequently, the incident didn't
receive any more coverage than a few short lines in the New York Times.
Genovese's story would have remained an obscure and incidental case had
it not been for the publicity given one additional fact of her killing.

A week later, A.M. Rosenthal, editor of the New York Times, went out to
lunch with the city police commissioner. Rosenthal asked the
commissioner about another homicide in the area, but the commissioner,
mistakenly thinking he was being asked about the Genovese case,
revealed a shocking piece of information that had been uncovered by the
police. Genovese's death had not been a silent, hidden, or secretive
243
occurrence. Rather, it had been a loud, drawn-out, public event. As her
attacker chased her down and stabbed her three separate times in a 35-
minute period, thirty-eight neighbors watched from their apartment
windows and didn't even call the police!

Rosenthal promptly assigned a team to investigate this incidence of

"bystander apathy." Soon after, the New York Times came out with a
lengthy, front-page article detailing the incident and the alleged reactions
of the neighbors:

For more than half an hour, 38 respectable, law-abiding citizens in

Queens watched a killer stalk and stab a woman in three separate attacks
in Kew Gardens. Twice the sound of their voices and the sudden glow of
their bedroom lights interrupted him and frightened him off. Each time he
returned, sought her out, and stabbed her again. Not one person
telephoned the police during the assault; one witness called after the
woman was dead."[16]

Everyone was completely stunned and baffled. How could people just
witness such a scene and do absolutely nothing? Even the very neighbors
alluded to in the article didn't know how to explain their inaction.
Responses included, "I don't know," "I was afraid," and "I didn't want to
get involved." These "explanations" didn't really answer anything. Why
couldn't one of them have just made a quick, anonymous call to the
police? Different branches of the media newspapers, TV stations,
magazines, radio stations pursued their own studies and investigations
to explain the incredible scenario, all of them finally arriving at the same
conclusion: The witnesses simply didn't care. They concluded that there
was just no other explanation, or so they thought.

Do you really think thirty-eight people did not care enough to make an
anonymous phone call? Did the researchers not understand the diffusion
of responsibility? The neighbors did not react, thinking someone else
would help or someone else would call the police. Most of us are good
people. If each individual neighbor knew it was up to them to phone the
police and get help, I guarantee they would have made the call. Another
experiment conducted in New York highlighted this tendency for
"bystander apathy." It determined that when a lone individual observed
smoke leaking from under a door, 75 percent of those studied reported the
smoke. In groups of three, however, reporting incidences dropped to 38

244
percent. If in that group two people encouraged the third person to do
nothing, reporting of the smoke dropped to 10 percent.[17]

Often we don't know whether we are really witnessing an emergency or

not. For example, if we see a man collapsed on the floor, we might waver
between two conclusions: Did he just have a heart attack or did he pass
out because he'd been drinking too much? So, bystanders may be
"apathetic" more because of uncertainty than insensitivity. And if they are
uncertain, then they often don't help because they don't know if they're
responsible for doing so.

Everybody else observing the event is also likely to be looking for social
evidence. Because most people prefer to appear poised and levelheaded
when in the presence of others, they are likely to search for that evidence
with brief glances at those around them. Therefore, everyone sees
everyone else looking unflustered and failing to act. When people clearly
know their responsibilities in a recognized and obvious emergency,
however, they are remarkably quick to respond.

De-Individuation

Social psychologists Festinger, Pepitone, and Newcomb coined the term

"de-individuation" in 1952.[18] De-individuation refers to how, when we
find ourselves in a group, we become less self-aware and also less
concerned with how others will evaluate us.[19] Think of all the people
you've heard yell obscenities at sporting events. Do you think they would
do that if they were in a small, intimate group watching that same event?
Basically, deindividuation means that when in a group, we feel more
anonymous and therefore less individually responsible for our actions,
often causing us to say or do things that we would not normally feel
comfortable with.

Diener, Fraser, Beaman, and Kelem conducted a study that showed how
de-individuation can lead to antisocial behavior.[20] On Halloween,
researchers evaluated 1,352 trick-or-treaters either alone or in groups
who had the chance to steal candy from twenty-seven Seattle homes.
The researchers figured that Halloween would be the perfect occasion to
conduct such a study because the children would be in costume, making
them more anonymous. When the children came to doors where they were
greeted by experimenters, they were told they could choose only one
piece of candy. In some cases, the experimenter asked the children their
245
names, while in other cases the children were allowed to remain
anonymous. The experimenter would then leave the room, as though they
had to go get something. Unseen observers took careful note of how the
children responded: When alone, 7.5 percent took more than one piece of
candy; when in groups, 20.8 percent took more than one piece! It was also
interesting to observe that the children who remained anonymous stole
more candy than did the children who gave out their names. De-
individuation prompted many of the trick-or-treaters to go against what
was socially acceptable and steal more candy.
[16]M. Gansberg, "37 Who Saw Murder Didn't Call the Police," New York Times,
March 27, 1964, p. 1.

[17]B. Latane and J. Rodin, "A Lady in Distress: Inhibiting Effects of Friends
and Strangers on Bystander Intervention," Journal of Experimental Social
Psychology (1969):189202.

[18]L. Festinger, A. Pepitone, and T. Newcomb, "Some Consequences of

Deindividuation in a Group," Journal of Abnormal Social Psychology (1952):
382 389.

[19]E. Diener, "Deindividuation: The Absence of Self-Awareness and Self-

Regulation in Group Members," in The Psychology of Group Influence, P. B.
Paulus, editor (Hillsdale, N.J.: Erlbaum, 1980), pp. 209242.

[20]E. Diener, S. C. Fraser, A. L. Beaman, and R. T. Kelem, "Effects of

Deindividuation Variables on Stealing Among Halloween Trick-or-Treaters,"
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1976): 178183.

Social Validation and Conformity or Groupthink

Anytime we find ourselves part of a group, we feel some susceptibility to

peer pressure and/or the opinions of others in the group. The more respect
we feel for the group, the more their opinions matter to us, and therefore
the more we feel pressured to align our own opinions with those of the
group. Even when we don't really agree with the group, we will often go
along with the group in order to be rewarded instead of punished, or liked
instead of scorned.

In a way, this is an obvious observation. Anyone who has ever been to the
movies knows that the size of the crowd in the theater has a big effect on
246
how good the movie seems: The larger the crowd, the funnier the
comedies are. The larger the crowd, the scarier the horror flick is.
Consider the following other examples:
Conforming because you believe everyone else is correct
Conforming because you fear the social rejection of not going
along
Conforming simply because it's the norm
Conforming because of cultural influences
Social Validation and Marketing

Certainly a huge part of advertising is to make a product seem very

popular. As marketing psychologist and business consultant Max
Sutherland explains:

The more a brand is advertised, the more popular and familiar it is

perceived to be. We as consumers somehow infer that something is
popular simply because it is advertised. When people are buying gifts for
others, social proof is one of the most effective tactics that a sales-clerk
can use."[21]

Many salespeople find great success in telling clients that a particular

product is their "best-selling" or "most popular" on hand because such a
tactic increases the social validation of the product in the mind of the
buyer. When customers feel that something is more popular, they spend
more money to acquire it, even if there is no proof other than the
salesperson's word. So it is with advertising: Simply asserting that a
product is in super-high demand or that it is the most popular or fastest
selling, etc., seems to provide proof enough! When consumers think a
product is popular, that's often all they need to go out and buy it.

The creation and use of social validation is rampant: Clubs make their
spots look like "the place to be" by allowing huge waiting lines to
congregate outside their facilities, even when the place is practically
empty inside. Salespeople often recount the many other people who have
purchased the item in question. Sales and motivation consultant Cavett
Robert said it best: "Since 95 percent of the people are imitators and only
5 percent initiators, people are persuaded more by the actions of others
than by any proof we can offer."[22]

247
[21]M. Cody, J. Seiter, and Y. Montague-Miller, Men and Womanin th
eMarketplace: Gender Power and Communication in Human Relationships
(Hillsdale, N.J.: Erlbaum, 1995), pp. 305329.

[22]Cavett Robert, Personal Development Course (Englewood Cliffs, N.J.:

Prentice Hall, 1966).

Making Social Validation Work

The power of social validation can be used to your benefit in any

persuasive situation. If your product or service is socially validated,
people are most likely to use it or to switch to it. People are always
looking around and comparing themselves to see if they line up with
everyone else. If they feel a discrepancy between where they are and
where everyone else is, they will most likely conform to the group
standard. Consider the following ways you can enhance the effects of
social validation to your benefit:

1. The larger the group, the better. The larger the group, the more
people will conform. Social theory shows us that when a group
grows, so does conformity to that group.

2. The greater the familiarity, the better. The more a person can
identify with the group, the more that person will be influenced to
change their behavior and/or opinions. Social validation is more
powerful when we observe people we consider to be just like
us.[23]

3. The clearer the principle of social validation, the better. Find the
best use of social validation in your product or service. Is it the
best selling, the most popular, used by the elite, the fastest
growing? Is it part of a trend or is it the industry standard? Who
uses it? Do you have testimonials from other clients or users?
[23]Festinger, Pepitone, and Newcomb, "Some Consequences of
Deindividuation."

248
Chapter 7
The Rule of Scarcity
Get Anyone to Take Immediate Action
Overview

Without a sense of urgency, desire loses its value.

JIM ROHN

Online auctions drive me nuts. In most auctions, I find an item I like and I
put in what I think is a reasonable, winning bid. I promise myself that I
won't bid higher. But I always get caught. When I get the outbid notice, I
can't believe somebody outbid me. What if I can't find this item again?
They obviously think this item is worth more than I do. Then I find
myself wanting it even more whatever it is and I bid far more than I
originally intended. The thrill of winning usually outweighs the pain of
the price I paid.

In 1996, Jackie Kennedy's personal belongings were put up for auction.

Everyone knew such items would reel in top dollar. More than 100,000
catalogs were sold prior to the auction. Hardcover catalogs sold at ninety
dollars a copy, while paperback catalogs cost forty-five dollars a copy.
The week the belongings were on public display, more than 40,000 people
took part. The hype and anticipation surrounding the event catapulted
prices far beyond the originally anticipated prices. For example, a brooch
estimated at $6,000 to $8,000 sold for $415,000; John F. Kennedy's golf
clubs were estimated at $700 to $900 but sold for $772,500; a wooden
cigar box estimated at $2,000 sold for $547,500; even a cigarette lighter
inscribed with the letter "J" estimated at $300 sold for $85,000.[1]

Think about potatoes. Nothing special, right? There was a time in history
(late 1700s) when potatoes were not a popular food. The French thought
potatoes were connected with leprosy, the Germans thought they were
nothing better than feed for livestock, and Russian peasants actually
thought they were poisonous! Then Catherine the Great came along and
turned potatoes into gold. She had high fences installed to enclose her
potato fields. Signs dotted the land warning the Russian citizens not to
steal her potatoes. With the potatoes suddenly off limits, they became the
249
talk of the town! Imagine what those peasants were thinking as they
watched those big, tall fences go up: "Why are they fencing in the potato
fields? Why are the rich keeping the potatoes all to themselves? Why are
we restricted to the same old beef stew every single day? We deserve
potatoes, too! We need potatoes! Give us potatoes!"[2]
[1]See http://www.usatoday.com/life/special/jackie/ljack000.htm

[2]A. Pratkanis and E. Aronson, Age of Propaganda (New York: W. H. Freeman,

1991), p. 188.

Why Scarcity Drives Us Wild

The Rule of Scarcity plays a large role in the persuasion process.

Opportunities are always more valuable and exciting when they are scarce
and less available. We want to be the ones to own the rare items or to get
the last widget on the shelf. The more the scarcity of an item increases,
the more the item increases in value, and the greater the urge to own it.

Whenever choice is limited or threatened, the human need to maintain a

share of the limited commodity makes us crave it even more. Scarcity
increases the value of any product or service. Scarcity drives people to
action, making us act quickly for fear of missing out on an opportunity.
Potentially losing something before we've even had an opportunity to
possess it drives people to action. We don't want to miss out on anything
we could have had. We want to get around any restriction placed upon us.
We feel uptight and want back our freedom. This causes tension and
unrest. The Rule of Scarcity not only pertains to physical products, but
also to time, information, price, and knowledge.

The Threat of Potential Loss

Anytime someone feels their freedom to choose, think, or act is

being restricted, they "experience psychological reactance and attempt to
restore their freedom."[3] With this restriction on freedom we are driven
to latch on to that thing which we fear will be restricted even more.
Instead of standing by and saying, "Okay, I'll give that up," we take the
opposite approach. Suddenly, that restricted item is even more important
to us. Researchers call this tendency "reactance."[4] An intensely
motivational state, reactance causes us to be emotional, single-minded, or
even irrational. We hate feeling restricted, so we are highly motivated to

250
resolve anything that creates that feeling. It is due to reactance that we act,
and that we want it now.

A study involving a group of male toddlers illustrates just how powerful

the Rule of Scarcity is, even in very small children. In the study, the
toddlers were brought into a room that held two equally exciting and
appealing toys. A Plexiglas barrier was set up so that one of the toys sat
next to it, while the other sat behind. The barrier wasn't very tall, so some
of the toddlers could simply reach over the top and grab for the toy. For
others, though, the barrier was still too high to reach over, so they could
only reach that particular toy if they went around and behind the
Plexiglas. The researchers wanted to see if the obstructed toy, being more
"scarce," would draw more attention and be more desirable. The boys who
could easily reach over the top showed no preference toward the
obstructed or the unobstructed toy; the unobstructed toy was approached
just as frequently and just as quickly. For the boys who could not reach
over the top, however, the obstructed toy was clearly the more desirable
of the two in fact, the boys made contact with it three times faster than
with the unobstructed toy![5] Even in toddlers, there was an urge to defy
restriction of choice!

You Can't Have It

In another study involving children, researchers told the children they

could select from a wide array of candy bars. They then pointed out a
particular candy bar and told them they should not choose that one, but
any of the others would be fine. The children reacted to the threat to their
freedom of choice by choosing the bar they'd been told not to select. In
doing so, they felt they had preserved their freedom to select whatever bar
they wanted.[6] It makes you wonder if that is also why Adam and Eve,
who had the entire Garden of Eden to play in, couldn't stay away from the
forbidden fruit.

The Rule of Scarcity works because it makes people feel like they will
lose their opportunity to act and choose if they don't do so immediately.
The threat of such loss creates urgency in our decision making. Have you
ever noticed how people tend to be more motivated when faced with
potentially losing something than when they might take steps of their own
accord and gain something of equal value? Studies have verified that this
is a common and consistent phenomenon.[7] For example, do you think
homeowners would feel more urgency to act if they were told how much
251
money they were going to lose if they didn't improve their insulation, or if
they were told how much money they would save? They are more likely
to act if they are told about their potential loss.[8]

The mental trigger of potential loss causes such great anxiety in people
that they act to prevent the loss even though they likely are not really
interested in the product itself. Imagine making a decision where you have
all day to make up your mind and you have the reassurance that when you
return tomorrow, the item will still be available at the same good price.
You could take days to make that decision.

However, when scarcity enters the picture and you feel that the
availability of the product, the timing, or even the price is bound to
change without notice, the mental trigger of scarcity begins to operate.
You are driven to acquire something to alleviate the threat of potential
loss. That's why shoe salespeople always bring you back the last pair of
shoes available in your size at the sale price which ends today. What
we can't have is always more desirable and exciting than what we already
possess. As the adage says, "The grass is always greener on the other side
of the fence." Any parent knows the result of telling a child she can't have
or do something. The child will immediately drop everything and want the
one thing she can't have. Look at Romeo and Juliet. The forbidden nature
of their relationship made it even stronger and more appealing to them.
Parents need to be cautioned about forbidding their child's friends and
lovers because the Rule of Scarcity will come back to haunt them.

The manner in which an object becomes scarce also contributes to making

it more desirable. In a particular study, researchers gave subjects a cookie
jar containing ten cookies. Then, taking the jar back, the subjects were
given a new jar containing only two cookies. One group of subjects was
told their cookies had been given away to other participants because of the
demand for their study. Another group was told their cookies were taken
away because the proctor had made a mistake and had given them the
wrong cookie jar. The results indicated that the cookies that had become
scarce through social demand were rated considerably higher than the
cookies that had become scarce through the proctor's oversight. Not only
this, but they were also the most highly rated of all the cookies used in the
study![9]

The Rule of Scarcity works even when the desired object or thing isn't
going to really benefit the recipient. A county in Florida enacted
252
legislation forbidding the sale and use of laundry detergents containing
phosphates, as phosphates negatively impact the environment and don't
help clean the clothes. Before the ban went into effect, stores experienced
an increase in sales of the phosphate-containing detergents. After the ban
was underway, stores within the city saw a drop in laundry detergent sales
overall, while stores in surrounding counties not affected by the ban saw
an increase in sales of the phosphate-containing detergents.

Later, when consumers were polled as to which detergents were better,

the residents where the ban had taken place rated the restricted detergents
higher than any others in all categories. The Rule of Scarcity had made
the limited product dramatically more appealing.[10]
[3]S. Brehm and J. Brehm, Psychological Reactance: A Theory of Freedom and
Control (New York: Academic Press, 1981).

[4]F. Rhodewalt and J. Davison, "Reactance and the Coronary-Prone Behavior

Pattern: The Role of Self-Attribution in Response to Reduced Behavioral
Freedom," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1983): 44.

[5]J. Brehm and M. Weintraub, "Physical Barriers and Psychological Reactance:

Two-Year-Olds Response to Threats to Freedom," Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology 35 (1977): 830836.

[6]Thomas Hammock and Jack W. Brehm, "The Attractiveness of Choice

Alternatives When Freedom to Choose Is Eliminated by a Social Agent," Journal
of Personality 34 (1966): 546554.

[7]A. Tversky and D. Kahneman, "The Framing of Decisions and the Psychology
of Choice," Science (1981): 453-458.

[8]M. Gonzales, E. Aronson, and M. Costanzo, "Increasing the Effectiveness of

Energy Auditors: A Field Experiment," Journal of Applied Social Psychology
(1988): 10461066.

[9]S. Worchel, J. Lee, and A. Adewole, "Effects of Supply and Demand on

Ratings of Object Value," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1975):
906 914.

[10]M. Mazis, "Antipollution Measures and Psychological Reactance Theory: A

Field Experiment," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1975): 654-
666.

253
The Rule of Scarcity in Marketing

Psychologist Anthony Pratkanis of the University of California, Santa

Cruz, is recorded as saying, "As consumers we have a rule of thumb: If it
is rare or scarce, it must be valuable and good."

Department stores use the Rule of Scarcity to bait consumers into an

uncontrollable shopping frenzy. Fights break out at department stores
when people are going after those scarce items, which are being offered at
bargain prices for a limited time only. The lower prices are bait a loss
leader for the store, but certain to generate a buying frenzy that is
contagious. Blinded by scarcity, consumers will buy anything and
everything even if they don't need it. For example, you see patrons buying
three DVD players. You ask them why "three," and they don't know. All
they know is that the store said supplies were limited, the sale was only
for today, and each shopper was limited to three. So they bought three
DVD players.

Some stores have this "limited number" thing down to perfection. Often
when we go shopping, we are only casually interested, telling the
salesperson, "Just looking, thanks." We glance over the packaging,
examine the sale sign, etc. Then the salesperson plays the number's game.
Approaching us, she says, "It's a great model, isn't it? Especially at this
price! Unfortunately, I just sold our last model." We suddenly feel
disappointed. Now that it's no longer available, we feel that we really
want it, even though we were only mildly interested before. We ask
whether there might be another one in the back or at another location.
"Well, let me see what I can do. If I can get another one for you at this
price, will you take it?" she baits. Trapped!

Funny thing is, we don't even realize the trap is being set, so the technique
works like a charm. We are asked to commit to a product when it seems
like it will soon be totally unavailable, and therefore seems incredibly
desirable. Threatened with potentially losing a great deal, we agree. Then,
of course, the salesperson comes back with the great news. The product
will be shipped to the store in three days. In the meantime, all you have to
do is sign the sales contract.

We also see the Rule of Scarcity being frequently employed by home-

shopping television networks. They know that rare things are highly
valued in our society, so they always have a little clock running in the
254
upper corner of the screen. You only have ten minutes to purchase this
precious item, and the clock lets you know how little time you have left to
make this buy of a lifetime. Home-shopping channels make time the
scarce resource.

They often have a counter on the screen too. Sometimes the counter runs
down with every sale. So the host says, "We only have a limited number
of these imported widgets, and when they're all gone, we will never sell
them again." And the counter showing the number of items remaining
continues to tick down. The counter creates the impression of scarcity.

Creating a Demand: Can You Say "Limited Supply"?

Have you ever wondered why some "in" restaurants continue to have
waiting lines outside? Long lines seem to make the restaurants even more
fashionable, increasing the length of the line by an even greater degree.
Why don't restaurants eliminate the waiting line by increasing their
prices? They don't because removing the lines would eliminate the
scarcity factor, and demand would collapse.

Consider how the Rule of Scarcity created the Beanie Baby phenomenon.
When Ty Warner, the creator/mastermind behind Beanie Babies, took
certain Beanie Babies off the shelf and limited their availability, prices
skyrocketed for the discontinued and suddenly rare and valuable Beanies.
Spurred on by the threat of losing out, collectors began hoarding the
stuffed animals and speculating as to which ones would be retired
next.[11]

The Rule of Scarcity was also used to create demand for diamonds. In
spite of a dramatic leap in production from 15 million carats to a
whopping 100 million carats, DeBeers, the company maintaining a
monopoly over diamond supply, still managed to render the diamonds
scarce. Running only ten diamond sales per year and inviting only a select
number of dealers, DeBeers easily controlled the supply and pricing. Not
only this, but each invited dealer got only a limited amount of diamonds.
DeBeers selected for them, and if they complained, they were not invited
back![12]

An owner of a successful beef-importing company decided to conduct a

study among his staff. The staff members were assigned to call the
company's customers and ask them to purchase beef in one of three ways.
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One group of customers just heard the usual presentation before giving
their orders. Another group was given the usual presentation, but they
were also presented with evidence that imported beef was expected to be
in short supply in the coming months. A third group was given the usual
presentation as well as the information about the beef's upcoming scarcity,
but they were also told that this news was not available to the general
public, and that the information provided was exclusive to the company.
Not surprisingly, the sudden demand for beef created by these phone calls
exceeded the supply on hand, and the company had to scramble to fill the
orders. Customers alerted to the coming scarcity of the beef bought
double the amount of those receiving only the standard sales pitch, and
those learning both of the coming scarcity and that this was "secret
information" bought six times the amount as those hearing only the
standard sales pitch![13]

How about when you take your child to be photographed? They take ten
different shots and then send you a proof for each. You're told to select
the shots you like best and how many copies of each you'd like. Then,
you're told the negatives will be destroyed within a certain number of
months. Of course, you feel like you'd better get all the copies of all the
shots you want now, or you won't be able to later!

Creating Allure

Think about when a woman wants to come across as more attractive to a

certain man. If she can set things up so she will just happen to meet him
while on a date with some other successful, attractive man, then she will
appear to be more desirable than if she were merely to meet him alone at
some club or bar. Or what if you were selling real estate? You'd be smart
to have several interested people along for the tour of the property, since
the interest of one client will heighten the interest of another. Instead of
your potential buyer thinking, "Okay, I'm going to try to wheel-and-deal
here," he will think, "I'd better jump or this other guy's going to get it
before I do!"

In one experiment, students were given a written description of a

particular novel. Half of the students' copies included the description, "a
book for adults only, restricted to those twenty-one years and over," while
the other half contained no such restriction. When polled about their
feelings about the novel, students reading about the restriction indicated

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that they thought they would like to read the book, while students who
had not read the restriction expressed significantly less interest.[14]

Restricting access to information or material often makes it that much

more appealing. Although this topic typically brings to mind material of a
sexually explicit nature, scarcity can apply to anything. Consider a form
of censorship at the University of North Carolina. When students learned
that a speech in favor of coed dorms was banned, they became more
smitten with the idea of coed dorms. It is of great significance to realize
that, without ever having heard the actual speech, the censorship alone
heightened the students' interest. The students didn't even need to hear the
speech to be persuaded to support or become more committed to the
notion of coed dorms.[15]

Think again about the study conducted by the University of Chicago Law
School that was discussed in Chapter 4, The Rule of Obligation. The Rule
of Scarcity was also at work in this scenario. When the judge ruled that
evidence on the defendant's insurance was inadmissible, and therefore had
to be disregarded, the jurors actually increased the award amount. The
censored information was actually embraced even more, jumping the
damage payment by $13,000![16]

Additional Forms of Scarcity in Marketing

Consider the following "scarcity" tactics we see day-to-day:

Clubs and restaurants that create exclusive membership
requirements
Disney videos and DVDs that are offered for sale once every five
years
Airlines that only hold your seat for twenty-four hours, informing
you that "These seats might sell out"
Collectors who specialize in hard to find antiques and rare
baseball cards
Special "by invitation only" sales
Going-out-of-business sales
Offers "not available" in stores
Exclusive, one-time offers
Memberships in an exclusive club

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[11] "The Beanie Baby Prices Are Insane," U.S. News & World Report, July 28,
1998.

[12]B. Nalebuff and A. Brandenburger, Competition (New York: HarperCollins,

1996), p. 114.

[13]A. Knishinsky, "The Effects of Scarcity of Material and Exclusivity of

Information on Industrial Buyer Perceiver Risk in Provoking a Purchase
Decision," unpublished doctoral dissertation, Arizona State University, 1982.

[14]D. Zellinger, H. Fromkin, D. Speller, and C. A. Kohn, "A Commodity

Theory Analysis of the Effects of Age Restrictions on Pornographic Materials,"
Paper No. 440 (Lafayette, Ind.: Institute for Research in the Behavioral,
Economic and Management Sciences, Purdue University, 1974).

[15]S. Worchel, S. Arnold, and M. Baker, "The Effect of Censorship on Attitude

Change: The Influence of Censor and Communicator Characteristics," Journal of
Applied Social Psychology (1975): 222239.

[16]D. Broeder, "The University of Chicago Jury Project," Nebraska Law Review
(1959): 744760.

How to Use the Rule of Scarcity

Sometimes scarcity is necessary to help us make a decision. Most of us

fear the point of making a decision, so we naturally want to put it off and
allow ourselves time to think about it. As a persuader, however, be aware
that when your prospects put off the decision, chances are they won't
make one.

You could have the perfect product for them something they really
need right now but if you let them go, they will probably not come
back later and tell you, "Okay, I finally decided. Let's do it." Creating
scarcity helps your prospects make their decision. It also eliminates the
amount of time you waste tracking down prospects who are still
undecided about your product or service. You can create legitimate
scarcity with your product or service without violating your morals.

To create scarcity, be sure you have the following elements firmly in

place:

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1. Deadlines. Give your prospects a deadline or a point of no return.
We all operate on deadlines at home and in our businesses. They
are what cause us to take action. If there is no immediate reason
to take action now, we won't. Many people don't pay their bills
until they have to. Judging by the lines outside the post office at
midnight on April 15th, most of us don't pay our taxes until the
last possible second. No deadline means no action.

2. Limited Space, Numbers, or Access. If your prospect feels like they

are competing for a limited resource, they will be much more
motivated to take action. When people fear they're going to miss
out on a great deal, they feel an urgency to act. Think of shoppers
at closeout sales. They've got to speed over there and check things
out before all the stuff is "picked over." Otherwise, with the
store's limited supplies, they'll miss the deal forever! This limit
can also include access to information. Our response to banned
information is a greater desire to receive that information and a
more favorable outlook toward it than we had before the ban was
set in place.[17]

3. Potential Loss. Prospects must recognize that they might be

limited in their actions if they don't take advantage of your offer.
People will always overvalue the thing you are restricting. Create
a state of emotion in which your prospect fears the loss. This is an
overwhelming feeling they won't be able to ignore. Motivated by
restriction, this prospect becomes an emotionally motivated
buyer. They will not be denied. The more you deny them, the
more energy you give to your cause. You have denied their right
to something, so they'll do anything to have it. I can recall
occasions when I tried to talk people out of purchasing a certain
product because I honestly felt it was not appropriate. The more I
took the product away, the more they wanted it. Think about all
those sweepstakes messages that say, "You may already be a
winner!" They used to say, "You can be a winner!" but the notion
that you may already be a winner spoke even more loudly! Do
you think people can throw away such an envelope without even
opening it just to check and make sure? With the change in
slogan, the sweepstakes company experienced a marked increase
in their response rates. Suddenly, people were afraid they might
lose something they potentially already had!
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 4. Restrict Freedom. We want what we can't have. If we are told a
productisor will soon be unavailable, we want it even more. Our
desire goes up and so does the urgency to act. Create a scenario
where you tell your prospect that the offer is only good for so
long. Tell them they have to act now to take advantage of the
opportunity or they will lose out. This technique works so well
because we have all walked away from offers like this before, and
they really haven't been there when we returned. Walk through
clearance stores and you will see "Sold" signs on the furniture.
These signs create urgency because somebody else has found a
deal, and so should we.

In sales, this urgency is called the "take away" close. If you take away
your prospects' opportunity to get involved with your product or service,
they naturally want it more. This strategy also works well when you want
to see if your prospect really is interested in what you are providing. If
you are stuck and not sure how much time you want to spend with a
prospect, or if they are just looking and not willing to make a decision, do
a take away. If they are truly interested in your product, they will perk up
and become more interested. If not, they will walk away. Either way, you
have saved yourself time and energy.
[17]Worchel, Arnold, and Baker, "The Effect of Censorship on Attitude Change."

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261
Chapter 8
The Rule of Verbal Packaging
The Leverage of Language
Overview

Real persuasion comes from putting more of you into everything you say.
Words have an effect. Words loaded with emotion have a powerful effect.

JIM ROHN

Over 60 percent of your day is spent in oral communication, in which you

could be persuading, explaining, influencing, motivating, counseling, or
instructing. You can create movement, excitement, and vision with the
words you use. The right words are captivating; the wrong words are
devastating. The right words make things come to life, create energy, and
are more persuasive than the wrong words. As Mark Twain said, "The
difference between the right word and the wrong word is the difference
between lightning and a lightning bug." The bottom line is that the words
you use attract or repel your prospects.

The Rule of Verbal Packaging states that the more skillful a person is in
the use of language, the more persuasive they will be. People are
persuaded by us based on the words we use. Words affect our perceptions,
our attitudes, our beliefs, and our emotions. The words we use in the
persuasion process make all the difference in the world. Language used
incorrectly will lose the deal you might otherwise have closed. Word
skills are also directly related to earning power. Successful people all
share a common ability to use language in ways that evoke vivid thoughts,
feelings, and actions in their audiences.

Typically, news broadcasters are trained to inflect their voices downward

at the ends of sentences because doing so suggests confidence and
authority. Upward inflections tend to suggest lack of confidence and
doubt. Numerous studies have shown that a common trait of successful
men and women is their skillful use of language. This correlation has also
been manifested in their incredible ability to persuade.

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The Inherent Power of Words

Words communicate abstract or vague things. We can use them to explain

events, to share feelings, and to help visualize the future. Words shape our
thoughts, feelings, and attitudes towards a subject. They help decide if we
stay neutral or take action. Just reading words can affect your thoughts,
attitudes, and feelings. For example, read these six words slowly and
vocally, taking notice of how they make you feel.

Murder Hate Depressed Cancer Sad Despair

Now read the following six words slowly and vocally, noticing how the
words affect you as you do so. Wealth Success Happiness Health
Inspiration Joy

How did these words make you feel? Successful persuaders know how to
use the right words to create the desired response in their audiences.
Speakers with greater verbal skills come across as more credible, more
competent, and more convincing. Speakers who hesitate, use the wrong
words, or lack fluency have less credibility and come across as weak and
ineffective.

The Fundamentals of Language Usage

The use and packaging of language is a powerful instrument that can be

finetuned to your advantage. We all know the basics of language, but
mastery of both the aspects of language usage and the verbal situation can
control human behavior. The proper use of verbal packaging causes you
to be adaptable and easy to understand. This type of language is never
offensive, and is always concise.

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To create an effective verbal package, you need to understand the
following critical aspects of language:

Word Choice Vocal Techniques

Double-speak Emphasis

Packaging Your Numbers Pace

Positive Word Choice Vocal Fillers

Emotion-packed Words Pitch

Word Choice in Marketing Volume

Use of Silence Articulation

Vivid Language Pauses

Simple but Powerful Words

Simple Statements

Attention-grabbing Words

Word Choice

Understand that proper language varies from setting to setting, and from
event to event. One word choice does not work in every circumstance.
Word choice can also be critical to defusing situations and in getting
people to accept your point of view. Even one word can make the
difference in perception and acceptance. In a study by social psychologist
Harold Kelley,[1] students were given a list of qualities describing a guest

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speaker they were about to hear. Each student read from either one of the
following two lists:
1. Cold, industrious, critical, practical, and determined
2. Warm, industrious, critical, practical, and determined
Of course, the students who read 1 had less than positive feelings about
the speaker. The interesting thing, though, is that the lists are exactly the
same except for one word! It seemed that the differing word's placement
at the head of the list conditioned how the reader felt in reading through
the rest of the list. It didn't matter that none of the following words were
negative. Just reading the word "cold" tainted how the students read the
rest of the list.

The airline industry has mastered the power of words. They know word
choice is critical to getting their point across and to reducing panic. In one
situation, a flight attendant had run out of steak as an option for dinner
entree. Instead of telling the customers their only option was chicken, the
flight attendant said, "You can have a piece of marinated chicken breast,
sauteed in mushrooms in a light cream sauce, or a piece of beef."
Consequently, people chose the chicken because it sounded better. Once,
as a plane I was on was about to take off, one of the engines caught on
fire. Smoke billowed and the runway was suddenly filled with fire trucks.
The pilot came on and called it "slight engine difficulties." I don't know
about you, but the situation seemed like a little more than "slight" to me.

When you listen to the flight attendants' instructions before take-off, you
also hear careful word choice. They tell you that in the event of a water
landing, your seat cushion can be used as a "flotation device." Hello!
What they're really saying is, "If we crash into water, grab your seat
cushion so you don't drown." Notice they don't say "life preserver," but
rather they call it a "flotation device." Also note that there is no "barf bag"
on board it's a motion discomfort bag. Or "we are experiencing a
mechanical difficulty" instead of "the plane is broken." They don't clean
the plane; they refresh it. Planes aren't late; they're merely delayed. And,
my personal favorite, they never lose my luggage; they misplace it. Yes,
airlines know the power of word choice in affecting their customers' point
of view.

Sales professionals also use words carefully. They know that one wrong
word can send their prospect's mind somewhere else and lose them the

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sale. Some examples of language that salespeople use to help diffuse a
potentially tense situation include the following:

Words That Repel Superior Words

Contract Agreement/paperwork

Sign here OK the paperwork /autograph

Sell Get involved

Cancellation Right of rescission

Salesperson Business consultant

Commission Fee for my services

Cost Investment

Service Charge Processing fee

Problem Challenge

Objections Areas of concern

Expensive Top of the line

Cheaper More economical

Words also have a strong bearing on how we remember certain details.

For example, in a 1979 study conducted by Elizabeth Loftus and
colleagues, when defendants were asked how fast they were driving when
they "smashed" into the other car as opposed to "hit" the other car
much higher speeds were reported. In another study, subjects were asked

266
if they had headaches "frequently" or "occasionally" and how many per
week. Those who were interviewed with the word "frequently" reported
2.2 headaches per week, while those interviewed with the word
"occasionally" reported only 0.7 per week.[2]

In another study, one group of individuals was asked if they thought the
United States should allow public speeches against democracy, while
another group was asked if they thought the United States should forbid
public speeches against democracy. Although they bear similar
implications, notice the word choice makes them contrary to each other.
Still, one might think the answers would be similar, since they drive at the
same point. Because of the word forbid, which caused them to want to
hear the speeches, there was a much higher response to the second
question.

Have you ever noticed those pharmaceutical commercials currently on the

air? They portray all these wonderful benefits and use a soothing,
sophisticated voice to highlight these benefits. Then, at the end of the
commercial, when they have to run through all the negative side effects:
vomiting, headache, diarrhea, etc., they read through these negatives
quickly using the same pleasant voice! The effect is that negatives are de-
emphasized, and we, as viewers, are still left with an overall positive
impression.

Double-Speak: Tame the Sting

The term double-speak means replacing an offensive word with a less

offensive word to create less sting. Here are some examples of how
double-speak has made its way into our society.

Offensive Repackaged

Fired Let go

Downsizing Right-sizing

Used car Pre-owned vehicle

Sex change surgery Gender reassignment

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 Kentucky Fried Chicken KFC (the word "fried" is taken out)

Garbage man Sanitation engineer

Housewife Domestic engineer

Interrogate Interview

Cancer Growth

Fail Not passing

Buried Interred

Fatty (beef) Marbled (beef)

Final exam Celebration of knowledge

Package Your Numbers

Often salespeople, or people in any sort of persuasive situation for that

matter, need to either play up or play down the greatness or smallness of
certain numbers. When playing up a number, persuaders use this type of
language:
More than three quarters . . .
Almost eight out of every ten . . .
Better than two out of three . . .
When playing down a number, they use this type of language:
Less than half . . .
Fewer than two out of three . . .
Under three quarters . . .

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Positive Word Choice

You can use positive words to help prospects feel more confident, safe, or
happy. You can also use negative words to trigger depression, anxiety, or
sadness. When you use positive words, you capture and keep the attention
of your listeners on the points you want them to concentrate on. The
words you choose to use can mentally keep them on track. For instance, if
you want to plant seeds of doubt, you would use negative forms of
speech. When we are in a positive mindset, we don't ask as many
questions. Positivity puts our mind in a comfortable, more persuadable
area. When the negative is triggered, it requires more mental effort and
our mind begins to search for incongruities or weaknesses in the
argument.

Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich published a guidebook

called Language: A Key Mechanism of Control.[3] In it, he advised
Republicans to use positive governing words for themselves and negative
words for their opponents. This pamphlet encouraged them to use the
words "common sense, courage, dream, duty, empowerment, fair, family,
and freedom" when talking about Republican ideals. He then advised
them to use the following words to talk about their Democratic opponents
and their position: "betray, bizarre, cheat, collapse, corruption, crisis,
destroy, devour, and disgrace."

Remember how in 1980 Chrysler almost closed its doors and declared
bankruptcy? Their only hope was $2.7 billion in loan guarantees from the
federal government. This seemed hardly possible. Why would Congress
approve such a sum for a private corporation? Chrysler and its lobbyists
knew the right language would tip the balance. They positioned their
argument so it was about the government providing a "safety net" for its
companies, the same way it does for individuals. They further argued that
this was an "American problem" belonging to everybody and not a unique
situation only to themselves. Their strategy worked! The argument won
Congress over, and Chrysler got the financial guarantees it needed.

Persuaders use very assumptive and assertive language. For example,

instead of saying, "If you get the report done by Friday, we'll leave early
and go out to dinner," they would say, "When you get the report done by
Friday, we'll leave early and go out to dinner." Effective persuaders also
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speak positively when accepting responsibility. Instead of saying, "That's
not my problem. You'll have to talk to someone else," they would say, "I'll
have the person responsible give you a call."

Emotion-Packed Words

The words we use can hurt others and cause tension and resentment.
Words can even cause wars. Humans tend to create and use words that
hurt or label. Hitler used labeling and name-calling during his rule in
Germany. He called the Jews many negative things, including "vermin",
"sludge", "garbage", "lice", "sewage", and "insects." Labels also extend
far beyond the names people are given, into the way we describe things in
a negative light, such as "broken home," "single-parent family," or
"blended family." Whereas we think of theses terms as essentially neutral,
the words can carry significant negative weight to those people to whom
the terms apply.

As you design your persuasive message, you must consider the emotional
impact of each word and phrase. When you want to create emotion,
choose words that will trigger feelings. If you want to downplay the event
or situation, use an unemotional word. Notice the following words
generally have the same definition but carry different emotional weight,
for example, calling someone "thrifty" versus "cheap," "traditional" versus
"old-fashioned," "extroverted" versus "loud," "careful" versus "cowardly,"
and "eccentric" versus "strange."

There are many words that are emotionally loaded and represent different
values to different people. These words can get people to pay attention
and alert them to know what significance the message has for them. It is
hard to find a neutral word. Your word choice will paint different pictures
for different people because the way we define words is based on our
belief systems, our past experiences, and our social roles. The beliefs we
hold about a word will dictate our actions and how we respond. For
example, some cultures view death as a celebration of life; others view
death as a tragedy.

Sometimes, if used improperly, positive words can still lead to a negative

response. For this reason, persuaders will often avoid certain words,
although generally positive, and instead use words that may still bear
positive associations, but are more ambiguous. For example, in the world
of politics we hear phrases like "freedom of choice," "fiscal
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responsibility," or "responsible taxation." When politicians use such
generalities, people of differing viewpoints can actually both be appeased.
They will fill in the blanks and provide their own definitions.

Words can convey emotional color by how long or short they are.
Generally, shorter words are more blunt, direct, harsh, or sharp. Consider
words like "kick," "hit," "force," "stop," or "no." Longer words, like
"lonely," "depressed," or "painful" are drawn out to evoke colors of
melancholy or suffering.

Word Choice in Marketing

Word choice in marketing and advertising is absolutely critical. When

advertisers spend millions of dollars each year, you can bet they have
tested every word they are going to use. They want their word choices to
psychologically lead you to believe their product is the best, that it will
change your life. Skilled advertisers can get us to absorb their message
unconsciously. They might even package an identical product with
different words and phrases to reach a wider segment of the public.
Psychologist Daryl Benn conducted a study on how advertisers use word
choice and catch phrases to sell different, but identical in effectiveness,
brands of aspirin. Consider the following:

Brand A: proclaims 100 percent pure, claims nothing is stronger. Benn

notes that governmental tests also showed no brand was weaker or less
effective than any of the others.

Brand B: advertises "unsurpassed in speed no other brand works

faster." The same governmental tests showed "B" works no faster than
any of the others.

Brand C: declares it used an ingredient "that doctors recommend."

Governmental tests revealed that "special ingredient" is nothing more than
regular aspirin.[4]

The word choices in these advertisements work because the positive

connotations make us assume that each advertised brand is the best.
Advertisers know that changing just one word in their ad can dramatically
increase the response rate. One advertiser changed the word "repair" to
"fix" and saw a 20 percent increase in response.

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There are other words advertisers employ, which are known as "weasel
words." These words confuse their audience and don't allow you to put an
exact number on the advertiser's claim. They let you justify and believe
what you want. They are called "weasel words" because weasels are
notorious for breaking into the chicken coop and sucking out the inside of
the eggs without breaking the shell. The eggs look fine but in reality are
hollow and empty, just like these words. Watch out for these words:
Helps
May
Possibly
Improved
Up to
Almost
About
Approximately
Probably the biggest challenge with word choice in marketing comes
when billion-dollar corporations want to translate just the right English
word into the perfect equivalent in another language. The most famous
marketing fiasco based on translation was the Chevy Nova. Translated
into Spanish, Nova meant "Doesn't Go."

"Come Alive, You're the Pepsi Generation" translated into Chinese

means, "Pepsi, Bring Your Ancestors Back from the Grave." When
American Airlines wanted to advertise its new, leather, first-class seats in
the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally,
which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish! Coors put its
slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from
Diarrhea." The Dairy Association's huge success with the "Got Milk?"
campaign prompted them to expand advertising into Mexico. It was soon
brought to their attention that the Spanish translation read, "Are you
lactating?"

Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender
chicken" was translated into Spanish as "It takes an aroused man to make
a chicken affectionate." The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as
"Kekoukela," meaning "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed
with wax," depending on the dialect. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer,
Electrolux, used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks
like an Electrolux."

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The Use of Silence

Sometimes the right word is no word. On occasion we need to remain

silent and let the other person talk. We have heard in sales that the first
one to talk after the close loses. After the persuasion process and the final
decision is ready to be made, make your proposal and shut up. The silence
is nerve-wracking, but it's a critical time to let the prospect make the
decision without you rambling on and on about the product or service.

How often have you noticed a sales rep overselling a product? You were
ready to make the purchase by handing over your credit card. The sales
rep felt you needed to know everything about the product and he started to
fill you in. This caused doubt to creep into your mind and you ended up
leaving, telling the salesman you would think about it. When someone has
been persuaded and convinced, there is no reason to say any more. Strike
when the iron is hot!

More communication is not necessarily better persuasion. In fact, the less

you talk, the smarter people think you are. The more you say, the more
common and less in control you appear. Many individuals try to impress
people with what they know by flaunting all their wisdom, but usually this
strategy is just a turn-off.

Using Vivid Language to Paint Pictures

Complete this imagination exercise with me: Pretend you are standing in a
beautiful, sunny kitchen. You reach across the counter and grab a bright,
juicy orange. You can feel it is heavy with sweet, ripe juice. You can
smell the delicious orange scent as you rub the oil of the skin on your
hand. Reaching for a knife, you slice the orange and begin to peel back
the skin. The aroma only becomes stronger as you tear the sections apart.
One of the sections drips bright, sticky orange juice over your finger. You
raise this juicy section to your lips and take a bite. As your teeth sink into
the orange, you feel the juice burst out and swish around your teeth and
tongue. The juice is incredibly sweet! You savor it a moment, cradling a
puddle on your tongue before swallowing.

Did your mouth water? Almost everyone's does. The extra-ordinary thing
is that if I had simply instructed you to produce saliva, you couldn't have
done it. The vivid picturing technique works far better than the command

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because your mind cannot distinguish between what is imagined and what
is real.

A Persuader has the ability to paint a picture with his words. The
prospects will be able to see, hear, feel, and experience exactly what he is
talking about. The prospects become part of the message and can more
fully understand how the product or service will change their life. The
Persuader stimulates his prospects' senses by using words that activate
their mind. You present your message through positive emotions because
the positive thoughts of the audience will color their perception of what
you want them to do.

We can all say, "I walked on the beach," but that's not half as effective as
saying, "The sun was up and shining brightly on the warm sand. I took off
my shoes and felt the soft sand between my toes. The seagulls floated
lazily across the ocean sky. The waves soothed my soul as they
rhythmically crashed against the shore. I could taste the salt of the breeze
on my tongue." I think you can feel the difference between the two.
Words activate all that we do. The words we use can make you physically
ill, emotionally drained, hungry, and even salivate. They can especially
make you buy!

A utilities company, trying to sell customers on the advantages of home

insulation, sent auditors to visit homeowners and point out the ways they
were wasting energy. The auditors provided the homeowners with
suggestions on how they could save money if they were willing to
improve the energy inefficiencies. In spite of the clear financial benefits
over the long term, only 15 percent of the audited homeowners actually
went ahead and paid for the corrections. After seeking advice from two
psychologists on how they could better sell the advantages of home
insulation, the utilities company decided to change its technique by
describing the inefficiencies more vividly. With the next audits,
homeowners were told that the seemingly minute cracks here and there
were collectively equivalent to a gaping hole the size of a basketball. This
time, 61 percent of the homeowners agreed to the improvements![5]

When you find yourself in a situation where you really need people on
your side, use words that are going to create strong mental images.
Attorney Gerry Spence once said, "Don't say he suffered pain. Tell me
what it felt like to have a broken leg with the bone sticking out through
the flesh. Tell me how it was! Make me see it! Make me feel it!"[6]
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Words are more powerful when they have strong emotional connotations.
You want your words to be clear and credible, but they will have greater
impact if they also strike an emotional chord within your audience. You
can avoid being melodramatic or sensational by being sure that your
words truly reflect the circumstances and that they can always be backed
up.

You can even package simple derogatory comments. Sure, you can call
someone dumb or stupid, but when you can verbally package something,
this is what you get:
Dumber than a box of hair
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate
All foam, no beer
Sharp as a marble
Too much yardage between the goal posts
Her antenna doesn't pick up all the channels
No grain in the silo
Forgot to pay his brain bill
Studied for a blood test and failed
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming
The wheel is spinning, but the hamster's dead

Simple but Powerful Words

We know certain words have more pull than others, but who would have
thought that simple words like "because" and "you" would have the power
to move mountains? In a study by Langer, Blank, and Chanowitz,
researchers found certain word choices could influence people to act
against their own self-interests. The researcher would approach a copier
where a long line of students stood. She would try three different word
choices at different times to see how the other students would respond to
each request. She didn't change what she was asking, only the word
choice. When she said, "Excuse me, I only have five pages. May I use the
copy machine because I am in a rush?" 94 percent complied. When she
said, "Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the copy machine?" 60
percent complied. But when she said, "Excuse me, I have five pages. May
I use the copy machine because I have to make some copies?" 93 percent
complied.[7]
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The magic was in the word "because." Even when she used an obvious
reason, for example, just to make copies, she had a higher compliance.
The word "because" is very powerful. "Because" prepares the mind for a
reason. Even if the reason is not legitimate, it is still a reason.

Perhaps one of the most valuable words to learn how to use is "you."
When you use the word "you" instead of a more general word like, for
example, "people," there is a stronger sense of identity. Your listener will
be more tuned in to what you are saying.

On the other hand, the one word that will impede your ability to persuade
is "but." "But" negates everything you said before it. We all know the
drill, "I love you, but . . ." or "I want to help, but. . . ." The word "but"
puts the brake on persuasion. Practice your vocabulary and use the word
"and" in your persuasive communication instead of "but." Another simple
change is to use the word "can" instead of "could." For example, say "Can
you carry this for me?" instead of "Could you carry this for me?"
Similarly, it is better to use "will" than "would" and better to use "try"
than "do."

The "Let's" Technique

Often in day-to-day living we find ourselves in circumstances where we

need to direct, delegate, or even order. Usually our assignments are just
short sentences, such as "Can you please do this or that?" You can create
unity and alliance and lessen defensiveness when you use "let's" in place
of "you," even when it's the other person, not you, who is carrying out the
assignment. For example, "Let's be sure and get this out in the mail today,
okay?" It's such a simple thing, yet you will find it works wonders. Make
a habit of using the word "let's," and you will find more cooperation.

The Value of the Simple Statement

It is best to assume that with spoken language, simple is better than

complex. Since we are unable to recapture or replay our spoken words, we
hope that they will be correctly interpreted the first time they are heard.
Unfortunately, spoken words can be the most misread and misinterpreted
form of communication, and therefore, can be a great hindrance to
effective persuasion. When you're in a persuasive situation, use simple,
direct, and concise language, rather than fretting about how eloquent
you're sounding. If you are preoccupied, you'll miss a lot of important
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cues. Moreover, complex language may not effectively deliver your point.

Persuaders normally try to speak to the lowest common denominator. The

more advanced and complex your ideas and sentence structure are, the
harder it is to follow your line of reasoning. You don't want your audience
struggling to understand what you mean. Comprehension should be easy
because then your audience is more open to persuasion. If your prospects
are struggling to find your logical thread, their emotions will never get
involved, except in a negative, accusatory way.

Clarity is of prime importance when persuading. Your persuasive attempts

are useless if you are not clearly understood. Here follows a list of
complex words we use when we are trying to sound educated but which
actually only confuse and tire our audiences. Notice the much simpler
choice on the right that would help your audience to both comprehend
your message and be persuaded by your presentation.

Complex Simple

Annually Every year

Comprehend Understand

Assistance Help

Cultivate Grow

Accomplished Did

Essential Necessary

Utilize Use

Persists Continues

Primary First
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 Respond Answer

Disseminate Spread

Following are some simple guidelines to keep your speech and verbal
packaging on the right track.

Don't use jargon or technical language unless you are sure every
member of your audience understands the meaning.

Don't use profanity or slang. In general, using profanity damages

your credibility.[8] Be sensitive to whatever language your
audience might find offensive, profanity or politically incorrect.
Avoid name-calling and other forms of abusive language.

Speak in everyday language. You want your audience to relate to

you and to feel as comfortable with you as possible. Use language
that will make you seem familiar and easy to follow. . Keep your
language simple and clear.

Keep your sentences short. Use as few words as possible unless

you are painting the picture just one idea at a time.

Use words that will engage the audience. Use "you," "we," "us,"
and even "I" if you are relating a personal experience.

Don't use vague and abstract words. They muddle your meaning
and confuse your listener.

Don't talk down to your listener by using pompous and pretentious

words. Be direct; don't bluff or beat around the bush.

Use verb-driven language. By using verb-driven language, you

will arouse a greater sense of action and motivation. Using action
verbs will make your statement more convincing because your
audience will engage their emotions, consciously and
subconsciously. Verbs that are abstract or overused do not
communicate excitement.

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Sixteen Attention-Grabbing Words

With so many words in the English language to pick from, you must be
very particular about which ones to use. Some will grab attention more
than others. The following sixteen words are commonly used to
effectively sell a product:[9]

Benefit Money Easy New*

Free* Now Fun Proven

Guarantee Results Health Safe

How to Save Love You/Your

*Always pulls best

Among all those on the list, the word "free" always gets attention anytime
it is used. Suppose you were in charge of designing and wording the fliers
your company is planning to send out in three weeks. Which phrase
would you use?
1. Half price!
2. Buy one Get one free!
3. 50 percent off!
Each of the three denotes the exact same offer, but the second phrase is
the most effective. In fact, studies have shown that phrases using the word
"free" outsell other phrases stating the exact same thing, only in different
terms, by 40 percent![10]

"New" is another big word. Think about its use in politics. For Franklin
Roosevelt, it was "The New Deal"; for John Kennedy, it was the "New
Frontier." Then there were Ronald Reagan's "New Beginning" and Bill
Clinton's "New Covenant." Politicians aren't the only ones selling with the
word "new." Think of all the times you've seen advertisements
proclaiming "introducing," "all new," or "first time ever."

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Vocal Techniques: Keep People Attentive and Listening

How we say the words we choose is just about as important as the words
themselves. Our voice is a powerful instrument that can motivate the
troops or lull them to sleep. There is a huge difference between presenting
and persuading. Your voice is a complete arsenal of persuasive techniques
in and of itself. For example, you can say the same thing but mean five
different things, depending on the tone of your voice. You can say "Thank
you" laden with sarcasm, love, hate, anger, humor, or surprise just by
changing the tone and inflection of your voice.

Peter Blanck, in his research, found that judges communicated their bias
and attitudes by the tone of their voice. The juries in California were twice
as likely to convict trial defendants when the judges already knew the
defendants had a record and prior convictions. The law simply states that
a judge cannot share this private information with the jurors, but, as
researchers found, judges can convey their attitude toward defendants
when the words and tone of voice in their instructions to the jury lack
warmth, patience, and tolerance.[11]

You can change your rate of speech, your vocal fillers (um, uh, ah), the
volume, pitch, inflection, emphasis, and even the pauses that you use. You
can keep an audience listening with both ears and with full energy,
rendering them absolutely spellbound because of the power of your voice.

Your voice is who you are. It is your trademark and your calling card.
Your voice must exude energy, confidence, and conviction. We tend to
judge others by their voice: Is it confident, nervous, relaxed, energized,
tired, weak, or strong? If you sound unsure and timid, your ability to
persuade will falter. Persuasive voices have great volume, varied
emphases, good articulation, and a pleasing pitch. Effective Persuaders
use vocal variety and frequently vary their pace.

The good news is you can change many characteristics of your voice.
Tape your voice. What does it project? Your voice must be interesting and
easy to listen to in order to help, rather than hinder, your ability to
persuade. Does your voice work for you or against you?

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Emphasis

Watch what happens when you place emphasis on different words in this
sentence.
I didn't know he stole the car.
I didn't know he stole the car.
I didn't know he stole the car.
I didn't know he stole the car.
I didn't know he stole the car.
I didn't know he stole the car.
The exact same words form sentences of completely different meaning
every time you change the emphasis to a different word. Emphasis brings
your main point to the audience's attention. You are able to highlight and
stress the more important issues throughout your presentation with proper
use of emphasis.

Pace

Pace refers to how quickly you speak. Mehrabian and Williams found that
people who spoke faster, louder, and more fluently as well as those who
varied their vocal frequency and intensity were perceived as more
persuasive than those who did not.[12]

Speeches delivered at fast speeds are more persuasive than those of slow
or moderate speeds, because persuaders who speak faster appear more
competent and knowledgeable. At these faster rates, receivers are not able
to mentally engage in counter-arguing.

Pace and speed are also important to keep and capture attention. We can
think three times faster than we can speak. We have all had conversations
and were able to listen while thinking of other things. When we speak
faster, we can keep attention longer. There is less time for our audience's
mind to wander. Studies show that we generally like faster speakers and
find them more interesting. Most speakers average 120 to 180 words per
minute. But there is no ideal speed. Franklin Roosevelt spoke 110 words
per minute while John Kennedy raced along at 180 words per minute.
Persuasive speakers will speak fast enough to excite and energize the
mood of the audience but will be able to slow their pace down to create a
mood of anticipation.

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To counteract boredom, use your basic pace most of the time, and vary it
in one of two ways from time to time. Slow your pace down when you
wish to appear thoughtful; when you want to give people the impression
that you are working through a process of induction or deduction, even as
you are speaking; when you have something particularly important or
serious to say; or when you wish to show great respect. Increase your pace
when you want to create excitement and energy.

Vocal Fillers

Fillers can destroy your presentation, hurt your credibility, and annoy
your audience. Most people feel they don't have a problem with this, and
most of them are wrong. You would be amazed when you tape yourself
what words you use to fill in space during a speech. Fillers are not
acceptable and need to be eliminated from all speech. Vocal fillers include
the common "um," "er," and "uh." Some people have their own
idiosyncratic way of filling in the silence between ideas that makes them
uncomfortable. Some repeat the first two or three words of a sentence
until their brain catches up and they decide what they're going to say.
Others might say, "Okay" at the end of every sentence, as if they're
checking audience comprehension.

Pitch

Pitch is the highness or lowness of the speaker's voice. Low is best. In our
culture, deeper voices are generally interpreted as reflecting authority and
strength, for both men and women. In addition, a deeper voice is
stereotypically considered to be more believable, indicative of an
individual's sincerity and trustworthiness. Many speakers practice
lowering their voices because of the benefits of a lower pitch. Some
speakers even drink hot tea before they speak, a technique that creates a
lower sounding voice.

Remembering to employ variety in your speaking is a constant challenge,

but it is of paramount importance. You can help people remain alert and
pay attention while you speak if the pitch of your voice rises and falls.
There are two main reasons why this strategy works. First, the varying
pitches will prevent your voice from sounding monotonous. Second, the
varying inflections can help emphasize a particular word. Remember, if
you are not an engaging speaker, you will not be persuasive.

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Volume

Obviously you're not going to be very persuasive if no one can hear you.
You've probably experienced the aggravation of straining and struggling
to hear a speaker. Before your presentation, test the room to ensure you
can be heard from all parts of the room. Also, test to see whether you're
going to need amplification. If yes, be sure this equipment is available and
properly set up prior to beginning.

Certainly, the converse is also true: Be sure you are not yelling or
shouting at your audience. This understandably is just as aggravating for
the audience, or even more so, as struggling to be able to hear.

Raising your voice for impact or dramatic effect is not as effective as

lowering your voice. The technique can work, but you must be very
careful about how you use it. Additionally, people who keep a calm and
steady voice in emotional moments are often considered more credible
and competent.

Articulation

Clearly articulate every sentence, phrase, and word. When your speech is
clear and coherent, it conveys competence. When your articulation gets
sloppy, it suggests lack of education and laziness. Consider how lawyers,
doctors, supervisors, lobbyists, and the like must be articulate if they are
to survive professionally. Good articulation conveys competence,
experience, and credibility. Another practical reason to have good
articulation is simply because it is so much easier to follow. As previously
discussed, people will comply with you more if you are easy to
understand.

Pauses

Treat your pauses like gold. Well-timed pauses attract attention to a

particular part of your presentation, give others time to tune in and
process your message, and help you gain poise and confidence if you're
rattled. Use intentional pauses for the points you intend to drive home.
Not only does a pause increase comprehension, but it also helps to
highlight important points. Use pauses to create attention, emphasis, and
mood.

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A carefully planned pause usually comes before the point you want to
highlight. It is a common mistake to not hold the pause long enough. Be
sure you allow enough of a pause that the full effect will be felt. When
you do this, the audience anticipates and listens closely to what you will
say next. They can tell something important is about to happen. This
strategy is made even more effective when you combine it with pitch
strategies: Be sure that as you come to the pause, your pitch is high,
thereby building suspense and giving momentum to what will follow.
Inflecting your pitch downward will defeat the purpose, providing a
feeling of resolution instead of suspension.
[11]Steven Beebe and Susan Beebe, Public Speaking (New York: Allyn and
Bacon, 1997), p. 293.

[12]A. Mehrabian and M. Williams, "Nonverbal Concomitants of Perceived and

Intended Persuasiveness," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 13
(1969): 3758.

Dental Verbal Packaging

As a final example of the power of verbal packaging, think about what

you hear during your appointments with your dentist not a particularly
pleasant situation in general and sometimes downright frightening.
Dentists have mastered the art of verbal packaging to put patients more at
ease.

What you won't hear What you will hear

Painful Uncomfortable

Does that hurt? Does that bother you?

Blade #12

Hatchet Big H

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Yank, Pull Remove

Cut Smooth

Drill Prepare

Blood, Hemorrhage Debris

Needle Tip

Spit Empty mouth

Grind Prepare teeth

Shot Injection

Pain A little pressure

285
Chapter 9
The Rule of Contrast

How to Create Extra Value

Overview

In the long run, men hit only what they aim at. Therefore . . . they had
better aim at something high.

HENRY DAVID THOREAU

Have you ever taken your car to your mechanic and he tells you that you
might need new brakes, a new transmission, a new fan belt, and that the
timing sounds off? You go away thinking, "Oh man, I'm sunk. I might as
well just buy a new car." Then when you come back, he tells you, "You
just need new brakes." You feel as free as a lark, only having to pay $300
for what could have been a $3,000 repair job. Imagine if he had told you
he thought he could fix it for $50 and the bill ended up being $500. That
is the Rule of Contrast in action.

The Rule of Contrast explains how we are affected when we are

introduced to two vastly different alternatives in succession. We know
that contrasting two alternatives can distort or amplify our perceptions of
things. Generally, if the second item is quite different from the first, we
will tend to see them even more differently than they actually are. As a
Persuader, you can use this contrast to steer your audience toward the
object of your persuasion.

The use of contrast is based on our perception of items or events that

happen one right after the other. If you've had a rotten day because you
found out you're losing your job and you come home to a new scratch on
your car, you will have a vastly different reaction than if you were having
a great day because you're getting a promotion and then came home to the
scratch on your car. It's the same scratch, but there are very different
perceptions and reactions to it, depending on your personal circumstances.

Time can erode your ability to use the Rule of Contrast. The key to this
law is that the two contrasting items must be presented one right after the
other. This has an effect on group meetings and decision making: If in a
286
meeting you put forth your great idea right after another great idea, it
won't have the impact it would have had if it had followed someone else's
poor idea. Likewise, if we are talking to a beautiful woman or man at a
party and we are then joined by an unattractive woman or man, the
beautiful person will seem even more beautiful, and the less attractive
person will seem even less attractive.

This is all about human perception. The human mind has to find a
benchmark of comparison to make judgments, especially when we are
talking about unfamiliar situations. People need to make comparisons
with their past experience and knowledge. By presenting your prospects
with contrast, you are creating those comparisons for them. The mind
can't process everything at once and so it develops shortcuts to help make
decisions. Instead of making a completely internal judgment, we look for
boundaries, patterns, and polar opposites. We want to know the difference
between our options, so we naturally contrast the two items. We mentally
place things in our mind from best to worst, first to last, or highest to
lowest. Do you want your prospects to compare your product or service to
a second-hand used car or to a Rolls Royce? You get to decide where you
want them to start their benchmark.

When using the Rule of Contrast, keep in mind the powerful differences
between positive and negative information. Psychologists have asserted
for years that people automatically and subconsciously have extremely
high expectations for the good over the bad. Because of this consistent
tendency, negative information, when it comes, always seems to be given
considerable weight because it is such a jarring contrast to what was
expected.[1] For example, have you ever had a salesperson get you all
excited about some incredible product you were about to purchase?
You're totally thrilled with all the things this product is going to do for
you, and then BAM! The salesperson hits you with the ghastly price.
Suddenly the hefty price tag, just one negative detail, outweighs the
product's twenty terrific features. Negative information has taken
precedence over all the positive information. In fact, now it's consuming
your thoughts. You drive home able only to think about how the precious
item is going to cost you an arm and a leg.

Contrast works in many arenas. You can contrast just about anything and
immediately see its effects. Try this experiment: Fill three buckets with
water, one with hot water, another with cold water, and the third with

287
tepid water. Simultaneously soak one foot in the hot bucket and the other
one in the cold bucket for thirty seconds. Now place both feet in the tepid
bucket and you will be shocked with the results. The water in the third
bucket is considered warm, but to the hot foot it feels cold and to the cold
foot it feels hot. It is the same water but two completely different
reactions. This is the Rule of Contrast. Any product or service can be
contrasted to appear very different from what it actually is.

[1]David E. Kanouse and Hanson L. Reid, Jr., "Negativity in

Evaluations," in Attribution: Perceiving the Causes of Behavior, E. E.
Jones et al., editors (Morristown, N.J.: General Learning Press, 1972).

Types of Contrast

Some examples of the Rule of Contrast fit into different categories. Let's
examine the relationship among these categories and look at some
examples of each.

Sweetening the Pot: Triple the Value

"Sweetening the Pot" is a technique often used by salespeople to make the

deal seem "sweeter" than it really is, that is, making the prospect believe
they are getting an exceptionally good deal. What can you add on as an
incentive? What can you give as a bonus? What do you have that will add
value to your product or service? It could be an added feature, a larger
discount, free delivery, gift-wrapping, batteries, an extended warranty, or
free consulting. Whatever it is, use it to create and contrast a higher value.

Think about the last infomercial you saw on late-night TV. You watch the
salespeople display and demonstrate the product and you start to get
interested. You begin to think about how this product will really make
your life easier. They have not told you the price, but when they finally
do, it is much higher than you thought. You were hoping to spend around
$99, but the announcer said it was $499. Your heart drops but you keep
watching because you are really getting into this product and how it will
change your life forever.

Oh, now wait a minute they are giving a special deal today. There is a
temporary price reduction. This is your lucky day! Now they are offering
it for $297! It's a good deal, but still a little expensive. Wait, they are
adding three additional items to the package, an added value of $350. You
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can hardly believe it you'll get over $800 worth of products for only
$297. You are really interested now and you're just about ready to buy,
when wait it gets even better! If you order now, you can even make
three easy payments of $99 for the next three months. You can't believe
your luck so you order right away.

You were thinking of spending only about $99 and you ended up
spending triple that amount $297 to be exact. Why? Because of the
Rule of Contrast, you were going to get over $800 worth of product and
the deal kept getting better. This law is critical for you to understand when
showing others the value of your product. No one buys unless they feel
like they are getting value for their money.

When you "sweeten the pot," you add bonus items to make the deal more
and more valuable. We can all learn from the example of a high school
bake sale: When the cashier told one group of customers they could
purchase one cupcake and two cookies for a total cost of 75 cents, 40
percent of customers bought. The cashier then told another group of
customers that they could purchase one cupcake for 75 cents. However, a
few seconds later she added that because of a special they had going for
that night, two more cookies would be thrown in as a bonus. By the end of
the night, 70 percent of the customers purchased cupcakes and cookies
when the "three for the price of one" technique was used, even though it
was really the exact same deal.[2] It's all in the presentation you have
to "sweeten the pot"!

You see this technique used in supermarkets and in other advertisements

when a company plans their packaging strategy to show the contrast
between before and after prices. You may see diapers that have the "save
20 percent" slashed out and replaced with "save 30 percent." Or maybe
their method is "buy five, and we'll give you another one free." It might
also be that they have the 16 oz. slashed out and the new 20 oz. written in
for the same price. Whatever the form it takes, this is an example of
"sweetening the pot," the Rule of Contrast in action. It isn't the actual
price that is paid, but the add-ons that seem to make it such a better deal.

The same thing happens when an insurance sales rep presents you with
the initial offer and then begins to give you special deductions based on
your circumstances. Look, you are getting a better deal! If the opposite
were to happen, you would feel cheated.

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Put yourself in the mall candy store buying one pound of chocolate candy
for your sweetheart. The young lady at the counter scoops up the
chocolates and places it on the scale. She notices she does not have
enough and starts to add more. The other alternative is that she dumps all
the chocolates on the scale and begins to take them away. Which one will
leave you the most satisfied? In the first scenario, you would feel as if you
were getting more and that the deal was being sweetened, whereas under
the second set of circumstances you would feel like you were being
robbed.

Reducing It to the Ridiculous: Create Perspective

This technique involves paring down your request to something that

seems manageable to your prospect. Let's say you are trying to convince
someone to purchase a life insurance policy. The client wants a $250,000
policy and you feel that is not high enough for his needs. To adequately
take care of his family, you suggest a $500,000 policy. He feels that the
monthly payment for a $500,000 policy is too high. So you break it down
for him, telling him that for an extra 50 cents a day, or the cost of a can of
soda, he can insure himself and adequately take care of his family if
something were to happen to him. With this contrast, your client can see
that the extra 50 cents is worth it to have the extra $250,000 in coverage.
You have reframed your request into simple terms to help your prospect
see it fitting into his way of life.

Shifting Focus

Sometimes it is a good idea to simply give your prospects a different

frame of reference, or to merely shift their focus slightly. This is kind of
the "glass is half full" idea. University of Iowa researchers Levin and
Gaeth conducted a study where they gave samples of ground-beef burgers
to two groups of tasters. The burgers were exactly the same, but one slight
difference in advertising strategy was employed: One group was told the
burgers were 75 percent lean, and the other group was told the burgers
were 25 percent fat. The group that was told the burgers were 75 percent
lean rated them significantly leaner, of higher quality, and better tasting
than the 25 percent fat group who rated the burgers as fatty, greasy, and of
low quality.[3]

In the following example, notice the two different ways the doctors
present the patient with the diagnosis:
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Doctor One: I hate to tell you this, but the tests confirmed that you have
extremely high blood pressure. You are most likely going to face some
serious complications, and it could turn into a life-threatening situation.
You've got to make some dramatic changes in your lifestyle immediately.
You need to change your work situation, your sleep patterns, how you eat,
and your exercise program.

Doctor Two: Well, overall, you're in pretty good shape except your blood
pressure is a little higher than we want it. I'm really glad you came in so
we can work together on some preventative measures. Actually, there are
millions of Americans who have high blood pressure too, so we know of
some steps you can take to bring it back under control. If you follow the
steps I'll outline, you will quickly see and feel an improvement in your
health overall.

Both doctors were talking about the same thing, but their presentations
were very different. Doctor Two made sure her delivery was positive and
did not overload the patient with all the negative details all at once. The
patient will need to understand the reality of the situation and all its
implications, but an initial positive and general discussion will better
prepare the patient emotionally and psychologically to properly deal with
the issue.

A university in Colorado was having trouble getting their grass to grow on

campus because the students kept walking on it. They tried placing signs
on it that read, "Don't walk on the grass," but the students ignored the
requests and walked on the grass anyway. The university subsequently
took a different approach. They put up another sign that said, "Give Earth
a Chance." Like magic, the students stopped walking on the grass. The
university simply changed the perspective of its students by making the
issue an environmental one.

One last example of shifting the frame of reference comes from an

experimental questionnaire administered to physicians:

A group of physicians were posed with the following scenario: "Imagine

the United States is preparing for the outbreak of an unusual Asian
disease, which is expected to kill 600 people. Two alternative programs to
combat the disease have been proposed. Assume that the exact scientific
estimates of the programs' consequences are as follows: If program A is
adopted, 200 people will be saved. If program B is adopted, there is a one-
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third probability that 600 people will be saved and a two-thirds
probability that no people will be saved. Which of the two programs
would you favor?" Notice that in the wording, the focus was on the "lives
saved." Seventy-two percent of the physicians chose program A over
program B.

The same experiment was conducted again with a different group of

physicians. This time, the focus was on how many people would die:
"Imagine that the United States is preparing for the outbreak of an unusual
Asian disease, which is expected to kill 600 people. Two alternative
programs to combat the disease have been proposed. Assume that the
exact scientific estimates of the programs' consequences are as follows: If
program A is adopted, 400 people will die. If program B is adopted, there
is a one-third probability that nobody will die and a two-thirds probability
that 600 people will die. Which of the two programs would you favor?"
You can see that this scenario is exactly the same as the first, but there
was a dramatic difference in the results. This time, with the shift in focus,
22 percent of the physicians voted for the more conservative plan, plan A,
while 72 percent voted for the risky plan, plan B![4]

Door-in-the-Face

"Door-in-the-face" is one of the most common techniques for

implementing the Rule of Contrast. Basically, an initially large and almost
unreasonable request is made, likely to be declined hence the "door-in-
the-face" as the prospect rejects the proposal. Then a second smaller and
more reasonable request is made. People accept the second request more
readily than if they'd just been asked outright because the relativity
between the two requests makes the second one seems so much better.
The technique is effective because social standards state each concession
must be exchanged with another concession. When you allow a rejection,
it is considered a concession. The person you are persuading will then feel
obligated to agree with your smaller request.

Demonstrating this point, researchers first asked college students to

donate blood every two months for three consecutive years. Requiring a
long-term commitment of not only time, but also of physical and
emotional responsibility, the request was overwhelmingly turned down.
When a day later the same students were asked to donate blood just one
time on the following day 49 percent agreed. The control group,

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wherein students were only approached with the second request, only
demonstrated a 31 percent compliance rate.

The study continued the next day. As students showed up to donate blood,
they were asked if they would provide their phone numbers so they could
be called to see if they'd donate again later on. Of the first group (those
who'd been given both requests), 84 percent consented to giving their
phone numbers. Of the students in the control group, only 43 percent
agreed to give their phone numbers.[5]

The main reason the door-in-the-face technique is so effective is because

the contrast between the two requests makes your prospects feel like they
are getting more/or less than they would have if they'd gone with the
original offering. They feel like they've made a fair compromise, while
you get exactly what you wanted in the first place. Alan Schoonmaker,
author of Negotiate to Win: Gaining the Psychological Edge, makes an
especially interesting point:

A conservative first offer also creates the bargaining room needed for the
mutual concession ritual (you give a little; they give a little; you give a
little; and so on). You may regard this ritual as silly, but many people
insist on it. If you do not perform it, they may feel you are not negotiating
in good faith. . . . It is far better for them to feel that they have defeated
you, that they have driven you right to the wall. Lay the foundation for
their victory with an initial offer that creates lots of bargaining room."[6]

By way of example, pretend your local scout troop is canvassing door to

door to ask for donations to the scouting program. They ask you to donate
$200, saying that all the other neighbors have donated this amount. After
some discussion, the scouts ask for a $50 donation. You feel relief and
give them $50 and you feel lucky that you got away with giving less
than your neighbors.

In these examples, the second request seems much more logical and
reasonable in comparison to the outrageous first request. We are creating
a perceptual contrast whereby we are defining what we think the standard
of comparison should be. When the second request comes along, it seems
much smaller than the first request, and in our case, much smaller than the
request would seem if presented alone.

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In my university class, students learning about the Rule of Contrast were
asked to write letters to their parents requesting money. They were
instructed to create a scenario so the request seemed inconsequential.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I hope this letter finds you both well and happy. I wish I could say that is
how I feel. I know you love me, but it is hard to come to you in such an
embarrassing situation. Now, I don't want you to worry too much. I can
see Mom now, already skimming through this letter to find out exactly
what is wrong, so I guess I'll cut right to the chase. I'm really worn out,
but I'm getting better. At least I have a place to stay, especially during this
cold winter weather.

The last couple of weeks I have been sleeping on the streets, looking for
food and shelter. I finally met this nice man who is letting me stay in his
room for free. It sure is nice to have a roof over my head. Sometimes I still
get wet at night though, because there's a crack in the wall on my side of
the bed. But with five of us sharing the room, we've got some body heat
going and that helps out. We hope that between the five of us, we can
make rent this month. They sure have been nice letting me stay here, and
letting me keep out of sight. It seems there is some type of warrant out for
me and I am unfortunately "on the run," as they say.

I'm afraid I can't tell you exactly where I am; I don't want to endanger
you with too much information in case the authorities come to question
you. As you may guess, I am in desperate need of a large sum of funding
so that I can settle my accounts before another, more ruthless party
begins to hunt me down. I was hoping for, but not counting on, your
assistance. I know I have done wrong, but I plead for your forgiveness
and prayers.

Just kidding! I wanted you to see my problems in the proper perspective. I

crashed my car last weekend. No one was hurt. I did have $300 in damage
to my car though. I was wondering if you could send me the money so I
could get back on my feet.

I love you forever, Jill

In the negotiation process, the door-in-the-face technique can be a

powerful tool. Watch a skilled property developer. He may look for
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quality properties that have been on the market for some months, often
because of the seller's high asking price of $500,000. To drive down the
seller's expectation, the property developer employs an agent who, acting
anonymously, displays great enthusiasm for the property and then makes
a very low aggressive offer say $350,000 which the seller angrily
rejects. The developer then moves in and offers a much more reasonable
price say $430,000 which, after some negotiating, is accepted.
Labor negotiators frequently deploy this tool as well. They begin with
extreme demands that they expect to be turned down. Abruptly, they
repeat a series of smaller demands, or concessions, which will then be
more easily accepted. These smaller demands are the real target of the
labor group.

The door-in-the-face technique can also save you from lots of headache
and hassle. You can get people to go from hating you to thanking you for
the same exact thing. For example, when I assign my college students a
ten-page final paper, it makes the students tense and vocal. They complain
about time, length, font size, etc. You name it; they'll bring it up. I was
getting tired of the complaining, so I changed the way I approach the
subject of the paper. I use this principle: I bring up the paper and wait for
the moans, but then I tell them this twenty-page paper will have to include
the following. . . .The uproar starts: "Twenty pages! I won't have time for
that!" I then graciously acquiesce and tell them if they promise to do a
great, concise paper with the proper research, I will make it only ten
pages. The cheers erupt and everyone is happy. The students see the ten-
page paper as a great deal compared to the twenty-page paper. Now the
students thank me rather than hate me.

Many times, we can fly under the radar with the contrast principle. There
is a theory called the "Just Noticeable Difference" (JND),[7] which means
the minimum amount of difference in the intensity of the stimulus that can
be detected. What does this mean? How much can you raise the price of a
product without anyone noticing? How many ounces can you take out of a
can of soup before people start to catch on? Can we really tell the
difference between 21 ounces and 20.25 ounces? Many marketers would
rather change the packaging and offer less of their product than resort to
charging more. When we don't notice the difference, we think we are
getting the same deal.

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Just the opposite is true if we want to promote a new, larger-size product
or a significant price reduction. In this case, we want to pass that
threshold and make the change extremely noticeable. This is also true for
taste. Companies want the best taste for the lowest cost. The quality of the
ingredients causes people to notice or not notice the quality of the
product.

Comparison Effect: Taking Their Temperature

The last form of contrast is the more general Comparison Effect. This is
closely related to the door-in-the-face technique except that instead of
presenting an outrageous request upfront, the persuader presents his
prospects with an undesirable form of what they are looking for. Then,
when the good (or even mediocre) item is presented, the prospect grabs
hold of the offer a lot faster. The Comparison Effect focuses on how the
prospect is able to compare two options simultaneously and come to the
conclusion that the second option really is desirable.

Some real estate companies maintain what they call "set-up" properties.
These are run-down properties listed at inflated prices, which are used to
benefit the genuine properties in the company's inventory by comparison.
Agents show customers the set-up properties first, then they show them
the homes they really want to sell, both of them listed at the same price.
The latter home looks much better in comparison to the dump they first
saw. This strategy works just as well when showing a $120,000 home
after viewing a $90,000 home.

The comparison principle comes into play in our everyday lives. It can
even influence how we perceive the physical attractiveness of our partner.
A study at Arizona State and Montana State Universities tested to see
whether we might think our own spouses or partners were less attractive
because of the media bombardment with ads showing very attractive
models. In the study, students were first shown pictures of models before
rating the attractiveness of members of the opposite sex who were not
models. These students rated the nonmodels as significantly less attractive
than did students who had not first looked at pictures of models.[8]

In another study, sales for billiard tables were monitored to see whether
"up-selling" or "down-selling" was more effective. For a number of
weeks, customers were first shown the less expensive tables, and then
shown the more expensive models. The average sale worked out to be
296
approximately $550 per table. For the second half of the experiment,
customers were first shown top of the line tables, priced as high as $3,000.
After seeing the most expensive tables first, the customers were shown
gradually less and less expensive tables. This time, the average sale turned
out to be over $1,000 per table. After seeing the really nice, high-quality
tables, the low-end tables were less appealing, so customers tended to buy
higher priced items.[9]

A similar example uses the same concept with a different product: funeral
caskets. Funeral directors exploit the contrast principle to get families of
the deceased to spend more money. Directors show the deceased's family
the expensive model first, and then they show them a very plain, cheap
one. They know that the family members are grieving and will do
anything for their loved one. The grieving loved ones are often shocked
by the contrast in the two caskets and rebound back to the more expensive
casket.

These principles also apply when you're in a position where you have to
compare people. The Rule of Contrast is constantly at work, even
influencing judgments in job interviews. If you first interview an
outstanding candidate, and then immediately following you interview
someone who is less favorable, you will be inclined to underrate the
second person even more than if you had not interviewed the outstanding
candidate first. Certainly the reverse is also true: If an average candidate
follows someone who has interviewed very poorly, you may view that
individual as better than average.

We see diet ads that use contrast to convince us to use their products. The
"Before" and "After" pictures are intentionally made to look like stark
opposites. The "Before" picture is in black and white, with the person
slouching, frowning, and pale. The "After" picture is of the same person
in full color with a smile, erect posture, and tan skin. We look at the two
pictures, seethe comparison, and decide we want to be more like the
"After" picture.
[2]J. M. Burger, "Increasing Compliance by Improving the Deal: The That's-Not-
All Technique," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1986): 277283.

[3]I. P. Levin and G. J. Gaeth, "How Consumers Are Affected by the Framing of
Attribute Information Before and After Consuming the Product," Journal of
Consumer Research, December 1988, pp. 374378.

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[4]A. Tversky and D. Kahneman, "Choices, Values, and Frames," American
Psychologist 39 (1984): 341350.

[5]R. Cialdini and K. Ascani, "Test of Concession Procedure for Inducing Verbal
Behavioral and Further Compliance with a Request to Give Blood," Journal of
Applied Psychology (1976): 295300.

[6]Alan N. Schoonmaker, Negotiate to Win: Gaining the Psychological Edge

(Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice Hall, 1999), p. 236.

[7]John Mowen, Consumer Behavior (New York: Macmillan, 1993), pp. 8184.

[8]D. Kenrick and S. Gutierres, "Contrast Effects in Judgments of Attractiveness:

When Beauty Becomes a Social Problem," Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology, (1980): 131140.

[9]J. Freedman and S. Fraser, "Compliance Without Pressure: The Foot-inthe-

Door Technique," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1966): 195
203.

How to Use the Rule of Contrast

By reviewing the examples that were just outlined, you can guess the
steps you need to take when employing this law. But let's try to simplify
the process a little bit by looking at a few different elements of the Rule of
Contrast.

Starting High

As the name "Starting High" suggests, make sure your initial request is
really big not so big that it is totally unrealistic, but big enough that
you know you will get a "no." Then, follow this initial request with
smaller offers that will bring about the result you really desired all along.

For example, fundraising organizations often send letters asking for

donations in amounts that are usually pretty high for most people's pocket
books. Soon after the letter is sent out, the organization places a follow-up
telephone call. The person making the call asks whether the letter was
received and then makes a request for a smaller donation.

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Timing

For contrast to be effective, it is important that the two scenarios, options,

or offers are presented one right after another. Researchers Dillard[10]
and Fern[11] argue that the timing between the initial and follow-up
requests influences the successfulness of using this technique.
Specifically, in order to increase compliance, the delay between the two
requests must be short. If there is too much of a delay between the first
and the second request, your prospect may not remember that you are
comparing the two items or requests, and your ability to persuade will
falter.

The effects of timing play a key role in people's reactions and the actions
they take. Let's say that you just found out your twelve-year-old son took
the family car for a joyride and was brought back by the police. You
might be understandably upset. However, what if you just found out
instead that your nineteen-year-old son had taken your car out for a
joyride seven years ago? In both scenarios you discovered the same news,
but your reaction would be entirely different. You can see how the
passage of time dulls the impact an event or situation can have. The same
holds true with your requests the passage of time will dull their impact.

Situation

"Situation" applies to most of the persuasion laws, and certainly to the

Rule of Contrast. You have to think about the situation that you are in
before you can choose which method to use and to what degree to
implement the law. It is easy to see that the feelings of a funeral attendee
will be different from those of a wedding guest. Each event puts the
attendee in a different frame of mind. So, if you approach the funeral
attendee with a happy, fun presentation, obviously their sentiments will
not compare to yours, making the approach totally inappropriate.

You can also determine the best time to bring up your topic by assessing
each individual situation. Should you ask close to the time you want
someone to take action, or as far in advance as possible? The answer is,
"the sooner the better." Make your request as far in advance of an event as
possible. As the event approaches, and as the "realness" of what the
prospects have to do sets in, the greater will be their anxiety and the less
299
likely it will be for you to gain cooperation. If you need help with
something right away, studies suggest that you should find someone who
is not rushed or preoccupied with something else. The ability to gain
cooperation from someone who is not under a time constraint goes up
dramatically when compared with someone who is preoccupied or rushed.

Automobile dealers use the contrast principle. They wait until the final
price for a new car has been negotiated before suggesting one option after
another that might be added on. After committing to $15,000, what is an
extra $200 for undercoating, an extended warranty, or a CD player? The
trick is to bring up the extras independently of one another.

After you've already decided to buy a $1,000 couch, what is $70 for fabric
protection? Your prospects will always pay more for accessories or add-
ons they buy after the purchase has been made.

Airlines also contrast news to you one piece at a time. They will say there
is a slight delay, but they add that they should be ready to go in a few
minutes. Then a later announcement comes stating that while everything
is fine, they don't want to take any chances, so they are going to replace
the part. They come back on loudspeaker and say they are close to being
finished and will announce when they are ready to go. The next
announcement you hear is that they are waiting for final clearance and
will be taking off shortly. These small announcements, in relation to each
other, keep the passengers calmer and more peaceful than if the airline
had just come right out and announced a two-hour delay.

We also see the contrast technique used at large amusement parks. If we

hear ahead of time how long the lines are going to be, we won't stand in
them. You look to see how long the lines are, then, finding them
reasonable enough, you get in. After you think you are almost there, you
see another section of ropes and people. This happens three more times
until finally, two hours later, you are at the front of the line.

Here is another charity example: Often when solicitors call for a donation,
they begin by asking you how you are. Usually you reply, "Fine," or
"Doing well," or something like that. After you have announced that your
circumstances are favorable, the solicitor then proceeds to say, "I'm glad
you're doing so well. I'm calling to see if you would make a donation to
help the unfortunate victims of . . ." Now what? You don't want to seem
stingy or unfeeling, especially now that the solicitor has reminded you of
300
your easy life compared to those that his company is soliciting for. In one
study, 18 percent of the people donated when they were approached
without the initial "How are you doing this evening?" while 32 percent
donated when the initial greeting was employed.[12]
[10]J. Dillard, J. Hunter, and M. Burgoon, "Sequential-Request Persuasive
Strategies: Meta-Analysis of Foot-in-the-Door and Door-in-the-Face," Human
Communication Research (1984): 461488.

[11]E. Fern, K. Monroe, and R. Avila, "Effectiveness of Multiple Requests

Strategies: A Synthesis of Research Results," Journal of Marketing Research 23
(1986): 144152.

[12]Daniel Howard, "The Influence of Verbal Responses to Common Greetings

on Compliance Behavior: The Foot-in-the-Mouth Effect," Journal of Applied
Social Psychology 20 (1990): 5859.

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Chapter 10
The Rule of Expectations
The Impact of Suggestion
Overview

If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however if I treat you as
though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become
that.

JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE

The Rule of expectations uses expectations to influence reality and create

results. Individuals tend to make decisions based on how others expect
them to perform. As a result, people fulfill those expectations whether
positive or negative. Expectations have a powerful impact on those we
trust and respect, but, interestingly, an even greater impact on perfect
strangers. When we know someone expects something from us, we will
try to satisfy him or her in order to gain respect and likability.

You have probably heard the saying, "What gets measured, gets done."
The same is true for expectations. That which is expected is what actually
happens. People rise to meet your expectations of them. This is a powerful
force that can lead to the improvement or destruction of a person. You can
express an expectation of doubt, lack of confidence, and skepticism, and
you will see the results. If you believe in someone, show confidence in
them, and expect them to succeed, you will see different results. Author
John H. Spalding expressed the thought this way: "Those who believe in
our ability do more than stimulate us. They create for us an atmosphere in
which it becomes easier to succeed."[1] When you create expectations,
you change people's behavior. Whenever you label specific behaviors or
characteristics, the action is expected. When those expectations are not
met, you can see anger, disgust, surprise, or dissatisfaction.

We communicate our expectations in a variety of ways. It may be through

our language, our voice inflections, or our body language. Think of a time
when you've been introduced to someone. Usually, if they introduce
themselves by their first name, then you do the same. If they give their
302
first and last name, you do likewise. Whether you realize it or not, you
accept cues from others regarding their expectations and you act
accordingly. Similarly, we all unknowingly send out our own cues and
expectations. The power is in using the Rule of Expectations consciously!

Numerous studies have shown how the Rule of Expectations dramatically

influences people's performance. For example, in one study, girls who
were told they would perform poorly on a math test did perform poorly. In
another, assembly line workers who were told their job was complex
performed less efficiently at the same task than those who were told it was
simple. Another case study demonstrated that adults who were given
complex mazes solved them faster when told they were based on a grade-
school level of difficulty.

By adding the Rule of Expectations to your persuasive repertoire, you can

change your audience's expectations of you and their expectation to
buy your product, service or idea and you will be infinitely more
persuasive.

Most of us have heard about the famous Pavlov dog experiments. Ivan
Pavlov, a physiologist who won a Nobel Prize, trained dogs to salivate at
the sound of a buzzer. The training was effective because the dogs had
learned to expect food when they heard the buzzer the Rule of
Expectations. The dogs behaved in a certain way because the Rule of
Expectations was at work. Shockingly reminiscent of Pavlov's
experiments, the Rule of Expectations has been used ever since in
advertising to make humans salivate when viewing a commercial or
thinking of a certain brand of food.
[1]John Maxwell and Jim Dornan, Becoming a Person of Influence (Nashville:
Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1997), p. 64.

Expectations as Assumptions: Expect with Confidence

Often our expectations are based on the assumptions we have about

people or groups of people. The same is true of us. Have you ever noticed
how your expectations become reality in your personal life? Expectation
is literally a self-fulfilling prophecy. We do this consciously and
subconsciously. Remember the kid in grade school who was always really
rowdy and disruptive? Sometimes if people already assume they are
perceived a certain way, then that is indeed exactly how they will act,
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even if they don't mean to. The rowdy kid in grade school knew everyone
perceived him as disruptive, and so he was. The teacher expected bad
behavior, and the expectations were fulfilled.

Consider the profound impact this can have in your own life. Are the
assumptions and expectations you have about yourself liberating or
victimizing? There are countless examples of "self-fulfilling prophecies,"
or the Rule of Expectations at work in everyday life. Ever notice how
people who think they're going to be fired suddenly experience a drop in
the quality and enthusiasm for their work? Then what happens? They get
fired! Their belief causes them to act a certain way, and those
expectations then work to bring about the very thing that at first was only
a figment of their imagination.

In another study, second graders listened to statements from their teachers

before taking a math test. There were three types of statements:
expectation, persuasion, or reinforcement. The expectation statements
went something like, "You know your math really well!" or "You work
really hard at your math." Persuasion statements involved sentences like,
"You should be good at math." or "You should be getting better math
grades." Finally, for the reinforcement statements, teachers said things
like, "I'm really happy about your progress" or "This is excellent work!"
Now, what do you think the results were? The scores were the highest in
the "expectation" category! Why were the expectation statements the most
effective? They created personal assumptions within each student. Those
assumptions conditioned the actual external results.[2]
[2]R. L. Miller, P. Brickman, and D. Bolen, "Attribution vs. Persuasion As a
Means for Modifying Behavior," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 3
(1975): 430441.

Expectations of Others Affect Behavior

The expectations we create for others often become reality. This can have
interesting effects when applied out in the real world. This section
contains multiple examples of how expectations have changed the lives
and persuaded the behavior of other individuals.

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School Teachers

Under the umbrella of expectations, teachers can be the greatest asset or

the greatest negative influence in a child's life. We know what happens
when a teacher labels a student a "troublemaker" because it creates certain
expectations for the student's actions. We have seen the labels "slow
learner," "stupid," and "ADD" become projections for a student's future
academic success. There is the story of the substitute teacher who came to
class and found a note from the regular teacher labeling one of her
students as a troublemaker and another as helpful. The substitute teacher
began the class looking for these two students. When she found them, she
treated them accordingly. However, when the teacher returned, she was
amazed when she discovered the substitute felt the troublemaker was
helpful and the helper was trouble. She had gotten them mixed up! The
children's behavior was based on the substitute's expectations. This is
often called social labeling. People tend to live up to the positive or
negative label bestowed on them.[3]

We have all had teachers who had high expectations of us and brought us
to the next level. Can you imagine how powerful this becomes? Imagine
the first day of class as the teacher looks around the room at her students.
What if there is a student who is the son of a distinguished Asian
professor, another one who it the brother of a former student who was a
class clown, and one who is heavily pierced and wearing all black? What
do you think her assumptions and expectations would be? Her
expectations would probably be fulfilled without ever even speaking to
the students.

One interesting experiment revealed how teachers' expectations

influenced students. Two Head Start teachers were selected who were as
equal as possible in potential and in practice. Then, two classes were
formed from pupils who had been carefully tested to ensure that they were
as similar as possible in background and learning potential. Next, the
principal spoke with each teacher alone. He told the first teacher how
fortunate she was. "You have a class of high potential pupils this year!
Just don't stand in their way. They're racers and ready to run." The second
teacher was told, "I'm sorry about your pupils this year. But you can't
expect top students every year. Just do the best you can. We'll be
understanding, regardless of the results." At the end of the year, the two
classes were tested again. The first class scored significantly ahead of the

305
second.[4] The major differentiating factor appeared to be each teacher's
expectations.

Grubby Day

Many schools have "dress-up days," where, for example, students can
dress up for Halloween, Spirit Day, Pajama Day, or Fifties Day. In one
high school, they had a "Grubby Day." As you can imagine, on this
particular day, the student behavior was less than outstanding. The
administration received more complaints about student behavior on this
day than on any other. The dress code set up certain assumptions, which
further set up certain expectations. Then, of course, the expectations were
fulfilled by the bad behavior.

Littering

We know that children tend to put their trash directly on the floor. In one
elementary school, students were given individually wrapped pieces of
candy. Of course, most of the wrappers ended up on the floor and not in
the garbage can. Over the next two weeks, the teacher frequently
commented on how neat and tidy the children were. On a visit to the
classroom, the principal remarked to the children that their classroom was
one of the neatest and cleanest in the school. Even the custodian wrote a
note on the blackboard telling the children how clean and tidy their
classroom was. At the end of the two weeks, the children were given
individually wrapped pieces of candy again. This time, most of the
wrappers ended up in the trash can.[5]

Parental Expectation

One thing you notice with toddlers and small children is that they behave
according to the expectations of their parents. When I was single, I
noticed that when children fell down or bumped their heads while running
and playing, they would look at their parents so they would know how to
react. If the parents showed great concern and pain in their eyes, the
children would start to cry in an effort to get the attention they wanted.
This would happen regardless of whether the child really felt pain or not.

One of the techniques my wife and I tried as new parents was the exact
opposite of this approach. We changed the expectation, and it has worked
great! When our children hit their heads or get a small scrape, they look
306
up to us and we all laugh. The amazing thing that happens is that they
begin to laugh too. They realize it's not a big deal and go off to resume
their activities, often laughing with us. Children act based on the
expectations of their parents. You create the expectations in your voice, in
your actions, and with the words you use.

Studies show that children will live up to the expectations of their parents
whether those expectations are positive or negative. According to Bill
Glass, over 90 percent of prison inmates were told by parents while
growing up, "They're going to put you in jail."[6]

Blood Drive

When blood drive organizers make reminder calls, they may end their
conversations with something like, "We'll see you tomorrow at 10:00 a.m.
then, okay?" and then wait for the person's commitment. Why do they do
this? Studies have shown that when you create an expectation, attendance
rates dramatically increase.

Sales Applications

The power of suggestion can also be extremely effective when you

engage the emotions in your tactics. For example, when your car salesman
says, "You're really going to love how this car handles in the mountains,"
he is shifting the focus away from the sale and creating an exciting image
in your head. He is also speaking as though you had already agreed to the
sale because you wouldn't be driving it in the mountains unless you were
going to buy it. He's acting like it's a done deal and the truth is, the
more he does this, the more it is!

I love seeing door-to-door salespeople use this law to their advantage.

They approach a door, ring the bell, and with a big smile tell the prospect
they have a great presentation that person needs to see. Of course, they
employ this strategy while they are wiping their feet on the person's
doormat in expectation of being let in the house. You would be surprised
how often this technique actually works. You see the salesperson handing
the prospect his pen in expectation of signing the contract. Have you ever
felt bad leaving a store or situation where you have not bought
something? The store has created the expectation that you would make a
purchase.

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[3]R. E. Kraut, "Effects of Social Labeling on Giving to Charity," Journal of
Experimental Social Psychology 9 (1973): 551562.

[4]Kenneth Erickson, The Power of Praise (St. Louis: Concordia Publishing

House, 1984), p. 56.

[5]Miller, Brickman, and Bolen, "Attribution vs. Persuasion."

[6]Maxwell and Dornan, Becoming a Person of Influence, p. 63.

[17]Worchel, Arnold, and Baker, "The Effect of Censorship on Attitude Change."

Presupposition: Assuming the Sale

Using expectations, we can create immediate reactions to stimuli so the

subject doesn't even have to think they just perform the action.
Discounts, closeouts, going out of business sales, and coupons are used to
draw traffic to stores. Consumers assume they will receive a reduced
purchase price by presenting the coupon or by going to a "going out of
business sale." One tire company made an error in printing their coupon
and the misprinted coupon offered no savings to recipients. However, this
coupon produced just as much customer response as did the error-free
coupon.[ 7]

Presupposition is often utilized by using words and language that indicate

your assumption that your offer has already been accepted. It is a
technique that is used both consciously and subconsciously. Consider the
following examples (the assumption is expressed in parentheses):

"When do you want your couch sent?" (You want the couch.)

"Should I call you Tuesday or Wednesday?" (You want to talk again.)

"Your first class will start next Monday." (You're signing up for the
class.)

You'd be amazed how often people will just go along with your proposal!
They don't even stop and think about their response because now they're
already finishing the deal in their mind!

Another way to use presupposition is to put it in writing. People always

think that if something's in writing, then it must be true. We often go
along with something without questioning it, just because it's what the
308
directions say to do. For example, a particular "candid camera" stunt
involved a stop sign placed on a sidewalk, even though there was no
reason to stop there. The sign was in an odd place and there was no
danger of oncoming traffic, but everyone obediently stopped and waited
at the sign, just because it said to do so! In another spoof, a sign reading
"Delaware Closed" actually made people start asking for how long
Delaware was going to be closed![8]
[7]Robert Cialdini, The Psychology of Influence (New York: Quill, 1984), p. 7.

[8]Roger Dawson, The Secrets of Power Persuasion (Englewood Cliffs, N.J.:

Prentice Hall, 1992), p. 29.

The Placebo Effect: Persuasive Suggestions

One form that expectations can take is in the shape of a placebo. A

placebo is a nonmedicinal substance that is given to patients so they
believe they are receiving medicine. Placebos were used during the
Korean War when MASH units ran out of morphine. When medical
workers gave wounded soldiers placebos, 25 percent of the soldiers
reported a reduction in pain. The placebo works because the expectation
that the "medicine" will help is so strong that our brains actually translate
it into reality. In some studies, placebos worked 25 percent to 40 percent
of the time![9]

Not only can our expectations make us well, but they can also make us
sick. You may think, "I feel the flu coming on," and you will probably get
it. Or if one of your coworkers says, "You look terrible. Are you coming
down with something?" you probably will. Expectations have also been
related to the occurrence and timing of death. Most elderly people view
nursing homes as the end of the line, the last step in life. After admission
to the nursing home, mortality rates, for both men and women, double
compared to people of the same age and health still living in their own
homes.

The Nazi concentration camps fed off of the psychological expectation of

death. Prison guards instilled hopelessness in prisoners. They created a
psychological environment whereby the prisoners came to expect no
chance at survival. Prisoners exhibited powerlessness, an inability to cope,
and a diminished will to live in a sense, a self-imposed death sentence.
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One amazing example of the placebo effect occurred in Israel in 1991.
Israeli citizens were seen wearing gas masks during scud bombings.
Shortly thereafter, hospitals reported dozens of people complaining of
symptoms from weapons that were never used. The gas masks were just a
form of protection in case of chemical or biological warfare, but just
seeing others wearing one caused people to become ill!

I have even used the placebo effect on my daughter. At times, she has
trouble sleeping at night and needs a little nudge. I tell her I have a special
pill (vitamin) that will put her right to sleep in five minutes. Without fail,
she is happily sleeping before the five minutes are up.
[9]Wilson Bryan, The Age of Manipulation (Lanham, Md.: Madison Books,
1989), p. 189.

Time Expectations

In our modern world, we are bound by time. This being the case, we have
certain expectations about how time works and how long it will take us to
accomplish something. Often, time becomes distorted through our
perceptions and expectations. Why do some afternoons speed by faster
than others? And why do we finish projects one minute before our
deadline?

Parkinson's Law states that work expands to fill the time available. So, if a
project is given a three-month deadline, it will take the full three months
to complete. If that very same project is given a six-month timeframe, it
will still take the full six months. It may sound strange, but the law has
bearing because the time allotted for completion sets our expectations. It
is actually our expectations that influence how we will work on a project
and therefore when it will be completed. Ever notice how there's a sudden
burst of activity right before the deadline appears? We all have the
tendency to procrastinate, waiting until the deadline to do most of the
work. This is why it is often effective to set multiple deadlines for large
projects. Projects without deadlines never seem to be accomplished, no
matter how good the intentions are.

Reputation Expectations

The most effective psychological tool for getting someone to follow

through is to let him know that you believe he is the type of person who

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will follow through. Using phrases such as "You're the kind of person
who . . ." or "You've always impressed me with your ability to . . ." or
"I've always liked the fact that you . . ." invoke the powerful
psychological Rule of internal consistency. Winston Churchill, one of the
greatest masters in dealing with people, said, "I have found that the best
way to get another to acquire a virtue, is to impute it to him."

When people are aware of the good or bad opinions other people have
about them, they usually live up to those opinions. This is why we act out
the roles assigned to us. If we receive praise, we want to be worthy of that
praise. There was a police officer who always seemed to be able to get
even the toughest criminals to open up and tell him everything. His
technique was to tell the criminal, "I know you have a reputation for being
the tough guy who's been in a lot of trouble, but everyone tells me the one
thing that stands out about you is that you never lie. They tell me that
whatever you say, it's always the truth, no matter what."

Honestly assess how you think you make others feel when they're around
you. Do you make them feel small and unimportant, or do you inspire
them to achieve more? Your actions towards others will tell them how
you feel or think about them. The German writer and poet Johann
Wolfgang von Goethe once stated, "Treat a man as he appears to be and
you make him worse. But treat a man as if he already were what he
potentially could be, and you make him what he should be."

First Impression Expectations

Have you ever noticed how the people you assume are going to be jerks
turn out to be just that? And if there is someone you're especially excited
to meet, then you meet her and she seems great! Often our assumptions
and expectations about someone we're about to meet for the first time play
out exactly as we've already mentally conceived them. Once again, even
when first meeting someone, you will send subconscious messages about
how they are to respond and behave.

In a particular study, a group of high school students were brought

together to hear a speech on how the minimum driving age should be
raised. Half the students were told to focus on the speaker's speaking
style, while the others were forewarned that the speaker considered
teenagers to be horrible drivers. Two weeks after the presentation, the
students were asked to fill out a questionnaire. Overall, the first group
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rated the speaker favorably and even leaned in favor of the position he
asserted. The second group rated the speaker as hostile and seemed to
have tuned out his message altogether. Because of the expectations set up
for them, the second group of students were already defensive before the
speech even started, leaving little room for persuasion.

Embedded Commands

An embedded command is a technique used to communicate to the

conscious mind while also sending a message to the subconscious mind.
The idea is to actually bypass the conscious mind and communicate
directly to the subconscious mind. Embedded commands are commonly
used in marketing and advertising. Embedded commands are hidden
suggestions within written or spoken language. The conscious mind is
unaware of their existence. Embedded commands create expectations
without creating inner resistance. For example, Pepsi used to have the
slogan "Have a Pepsi Day." The embedded command was "Have a Pepsi."

The most effective embedded commands are short and concise; they
should be no longer than two to four words. It is much easier to use these
commands in persuasive writing because you can visually highlight the
command. When using this technique, first determine what exactly you
are trying to say to your audience. Then, create the sentences where the
embedded words and phrase will logically and contextually fit. Finally,
set the embedded commands apart in some visual way: italicize, bold,
underline, highlight, or use a different color.

Embedded commands are also a powerful tool in speaking. Certain

phrases have specific command forms that follow the "two to four words"
rule. Phrases can include word associations, cause and effect statements,
presuppositions, questions, hidden suggestions, or analogies. Essentially,
we are looking for phrases that jump out at us. Consider the following
examples:

Become wealthy Buy now Use this material

How good it feels Going to happen Read each word

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Feel good Follow my lead Act now

Change your life Become really interested You will understand

Use this process Learn quickly Enjoy life

Use this skill Learn how Improve your results

Studies show that embedded commands can actually change our attitudes
or beliefs, even if we are totally unaware that this has happened.[10] It is
in this way that the embedded commands are effective: The conscious
mind has no opportunity to analyze or evaluate the material. We then can
create expectations of behavioral changes with embedded commands as
well as with and direct and indirect suggestions. The subconscious mind
will create an internal reality to match the commands.[11]
[10]Milton Erickson, Ernest Rossi, and Sheila Rossi, Hypnotic Realities (New
York: Irvington Publishers, 1976).

[11]Milton Erickson and Ernest Rossi, Hypnotherapy: An Exploratory Casebook

(New York: Irvington Publishers, 1979).

Goal Setting: Creating Personal Expectations

Many people don't like the idea of goal setting; in fact, just the mere
mention of the words makes them cringe. However, there is no doubt that
goal setting works. The problem is that most people aren't doing it the
right way. I am not going to spend time talking about the many aspects of
goal setting the bottom line is that goal setting works and is an
important aspect of the Rule of Expectations. If you can help others make
goals, it increases their future expectations for themselves. Visualizing
themselves reaching their goals also makes achievement of those goals
more tangible.

Goals must have the power to stretch and inspire, and they must be
realistic in the mind of the person being persuaded. Research shows that
goals dictate future performance. Conscious goals influence our overall
313
performance. In one study, there was a large difference in the
performance between asking someone to do their best and helping them
set their goals or standard for their performance.[12]

It is a general rule of thumb that greater or more difficult goals actually

increase performance. The reason for this is that lofty goals set a higher
expectation, and, as discussed already, expectations strongly influence
behavior. In a production plant, workers with little experience were
divided into two groups. One group was told to simply observe the
experienced workers and try to be able to perform at a skilled level
themselves within twelve weeks. The second group received specific
weekly goals that were progressively more and more demanding.
Needless to say, the second group fared much better.[13]
[12]C. A. Mace, Incentives: Some Experimental Studies (London: Industrial
Health Research Board, Report No. 72, 1935).
[13]Mortimer R. Feinberg, Effective Psychology for Managers (Englewood
Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice Hall, 1986).

Environment

Your environment and the expectations of that environment should be

persuasive. In a theory they call the Broken Window Theory,
criminologists James Wilson and George Kelling suggest that a building
full of broken windows will cause people to assume that no one cares for
the building or its appearance. This in turn will spur more vandalism. In
other words, the environment's condition gives suggestions that lead
people to hold certain assumptions, and people then act on those
assumptions. The broken window invites greater vandalism and
crime.[14]

In his book, The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell uses an example of the
Broken Window Theory as he explains the New York City subway clean-
up. The subway system was in dire need of rebuilding a multibillion-
dollar endeavor. With the system about to collapse, the focus was
understandably on issues like reducing crime and improving subway
reliability. As a consultant hired by the New York Transit Authority,
George Kelling urged officials to utilize his Broken Window Theory.
Hired to clean up the subways, David Gunn immediately assigned people
to start cleaning up all the graffiti. Removing the graffiti seemed to be of

314
such little consequence compared to everything else there was to worry
about, but Gunn was insistent. In his own words:

The graffiti was symbolic of the collapse of the system. When you looked
at the process of rebuilding the organization and morale, you had to win
the battle against graffiti. Without winning that battle, all the management
reforms and physical changes just weren't going to happen. We were
about to put out new trains that were worth about ten million bucks
apiece, and unless we did something to protect them, we knew just what
would happen. They would last one day and then they would be
vandalized.[15]

Gunn set up specific goals, timetables, and even cleaning stations. If any
train came back with graffiti, it had to be cleaned immediately before it
could go out again. For the vandals who had spent their nights, toiling into
the wee morning hours painting their murals, it sent a strong message.
Seeing their masterpieces already painted over again by the cracking of
the next morning's light told them they were wasting their time. The entire
anti-graffiti campaign took years, but finally, the incidence of graffiti
subsided.

The hope and expectations you can create in your persuasive environment
will forecast your ability to persuade. One experiment was conducted on
the influence of light. Lab rats were placed in jars of water to see how
long they would keep trying to swim before giving up. Some of the jars
were placed in complete darkness, while others had light shining into
them. The results were dramatic! The rats in the dark swam for about
three minutes before succumbing. The rats with the light swam up to
thirty-six hours more than 700 times longer than the rats in the
dark![16]

In another study, volunteers were asked to participate in an experiment on

prison environments. Half of the volunteers posed as prison workers,
while the other half posed as prison inmates. The results were astounding.
Previously tested to be psychologically sound people, the participants
rapidly became more and more hostile, crude, rebellious, and abusive
both those acting as inmates and as guards! One "prisoner" became so
hysterical and emotionally distressed that he had to be released. The study
was supposed to last two weeks but was called off after only six days![17]

315
[14]George Kelling and Catherine Coles, Fixing Broken Windows (New York:
Touchstone, 1996).
[15]Malcolm Gladwell, The Tipping Point (New York: Little Brown, 2000), p.
142.
[16]Maxwell and Dornan, Becoming a Person of Influence, pp. 7172.
[17]P. Zimbardo, C. Banks, and C. Haney, "Interpersonal Dynamics in a
Simulated Prison," International Journal of Criminology and Penology (1973):
73.

Pacing and Leading

Another application of the Rule of Expectations is the concept of pacing

and leading. This is part of NLP, or "neurolinguistic programming."
Pacing involves establishing rapport and making persuasive
communication easier; leading involves steering your prospect toward
your point of view. Pacing and leading will enable you to direct a person's
thoughts so they tend to move in your direction.

When you pace, you validate your prospects either verbally or

nonverbally; that is, you are in agreement or rapport with your prospects.
As a result, they feel comfortable and congruent with you. Pacing entails
using statements everyone accepts as true. By doing so, you eliminate
disagreement and get others to agree with what you are saying. The topic
either can be proven true or is commonly accepted as true.

An example of a pacing question (obviously true):

Most people would love to be financially free and end their money
worries forever.

Once you have established rapport and harmony with your prospect, you
can create expectation of agreement. You must have general agreement
before you can lead your prospect to your point of view. You then begin
to use statements that you want your prospect to agree with, even though
they haven't consciously and/or publicly acknowledged that they do.

An example of a leading question (you want your prospect to accept):

The answer to your financial problem is providing the right training at the
right time by the right person.

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So to put pacing and leading in a nutshell, pacing statements are
obviously true, so the prospect has to accept their validity. Leading
statements can't necessarily be proven true, but they represent what you
want your prospect to believe.

317
Chapter 11
The Rule of Involvement
Create and Awaken Curiosity
Overview

Without involvement, there is no commitment. Mark it down, asterisk it,

circle it, underline it. No involvement, no commitment.
STEPHEN COVEY

The rule of involvement suggests that the more you engage someone's
five senses, involve them mentally and physically, and create the right
atmosphere for persuasion, the more effective and persuasive you'll be.
Listening can be a very passive act; you can listen to an entire speech and
not feel or do a thing. As a persuader, you need to help your audience be
one step closer to taking action. As a superior persuader, your goal is to
decrease the distance someone has to go to reach your objective.

When you get a prospect to start something, it is most likely they will
follow through and complete your desired outcome. The more involved
they become, the less psychological distance between the start and the
finish. The desired outcome becomes more and more realistic instead of
just an idea you are proposing. If you put on your shoes to go to the store,
you are more likely to continue in that direction. If you sit down and turn
on the TV, your goal of going to the store is less likely to be reached.

There are many ways to use involvement. We are going to focus on the
following:
1. Increasing Participation
2. Creating Atmosphere
3. Maintaining Attention
4. Using the Art of Questioning
5. Telling Mesmerizing Stories
6. Repeating and Repackaging
7. Building Suspense and Distraction
8. Generating Competition
9. Engaging the Five Senses

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Increasing Participation

You can create involvement through increased participation. The more we

take an active role and get involved, the more open to persuasion we
become. When we take an active part in something, we feel more
connected to and have stronger feelings for the issue at hand. We have a
personal stake in what we are doing.

One of the keys to successful participation is making your problem their

problem. This technique creates ownership and a willingness to help on
the part of your prospects. Obviously, asking for help is much milder than
telling someone what to do or think. You will have more success
involving your prospects in the solution if you give them the option of
participating. Feeling that it was their choice and their solution, your
prospects will take ownership they have persuaded themselves. It
becomes their own problem and their own solution. By nature, people will
support what they help create.

Store and mall owners understand the concept of participation. They

attempt to get you participating by making eye contact with you, by
arranging their stores to force you to spend more time in them, and by
saying hello as you pass. When you shop for goods in Mexico, for
example, the storeowner knows that if he can get you in the store and get
you involved, there is a greater chance of persuasion and a purchase. As
such he will make eye contact and do everything in his power to get you
in the store. If you don't go in the store, he might follow you for blocks,
showing you his products and trying to get you to buy.

The amount of time one spends in a store is directly related to how much
one will buy. The more time spent, the more money spent. For example,
in an electronics store, non-buyers averaged about five minutes and six
seconds shopping time while buyers averaged nine minutes and twenty-
nine seconds in the store. In a toy store, the longest any non-buyer stayed
was ten minutes, while shortest time spent for a buyer was just over
seventeen minutes. In some cases, buyers stayed up to four times longer
than non-buyers.[1]

Many other arrangements are made by stores to persuade people to get

interested and get involved. For example, hallways and walking paths at
319
malls are made of hard marble or tiles. But the floors of individual stores
are soft and carpeted encouraging you to stay longer. Have you ever
noticed that it is easy to get disoriented in a mall you are unfamiliar with?
Malls purposely design their structures with hexagonal floor plans, which
are the most difficult to navigate: complicated hallways, confusing angles,
and consistent temperature and lighting. The Mall of America in
Minnesota, the largest mall in America, wants you to get lost you can
walk forever and still not know exactly where you are.

This is also the reason why malls place department stores at opposite ends
of each other. Department stores are draws, so for people to get from one
to another, they will have to walk past every other store in the mall before
they reach the opposite one. Grocery stores place their milk at the back of
the store so customers have to walk through the rest of the store to grab a
carton. All of these techniques increase the time that customers spend in
the store. And as we know, increased time in a store means increased
sales.

Role-Playing

One way to get your audience more involved is to use role-playing. This
technique has proven to be effective in getting people to actually convince
themselves of something. Role-playing is the single most powerful way to
induce attitude change through vicarious experience. In essence, you are
getting people to make up arguments against their own beliefs. Do you
want to know just how powerful role-playing is? One experiment used
role-playing to convince people to stop smoking. The subjects role-played
cigarette smokers having x-rays, receiving news of lung cancer, and
coughing with emphysema. When compared with a control group of
smokers, those who role-played this situation were more likely to have
quit than those who passively learned about lung cancer.[2]

In another study, students were tested to see what types of persuasion

techniques were most effective in delivering an anti-smoking message.
One group was assigned to write, stage, and put on the presentation, while
the other group was simply required to watch the presentation. As you
might imagine, the group that was more involved in the presentation held
more negative feelings about smoking than did the group that had just
passively listened.

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During World War II, the U.S. government had to ration traditional meats
such as beef, chicken, and pork. However, Americans tend to be very
picky about the meats they eat and often do not accept meat substitutes.
The Committee on Food Habits was charged with overcoming the
shortages of popular foods. How could they overcome the aversion to
eating other meats?

Psychologist Kurt Lewin devised a program to persuade Americans to eat

intestinal meats. Yes, your favorite intestinal meats. He set up an
experiment with two groups of housewives. In one group, the housewives
were lectured on the benefits of eating intestinal meats. Members of the
committee emphasized to them how making the switch would help the
war effort. The housewives also heard fervent testimonials and received
recipes. The second group of housewives was led in a group discussion
about how they could persuade other housewives to eat intestinal meat.
This group covered the same main topics as the other group. Of the group
that was more involved in "role-playing" and discussing the question of
"how they would persuade and convince others to eat intestinal meats," 32
percent of the housewives went on to serve their families intestinal meats.
This was compared to 3 percent of the first group.[3]

Asking for Advice

Another way to get people to participate with you is to ask their opinions
or advice. Simple phrases such as, "I need your help" "What is your
opinion?" "What do you think about . . . ?" "How could I do this?" "How
would you do this?" "Do you think I am doing it right?" and "Do you have
any ideas?" can immediately spark the interest of your listener.

Watch how another person brightens up when you ask for his or her
advice. For example, if you ask your neighbor, "Frank, how about helping
me fix my fence?" he will probably tell you he is busy and has plans for
the next twelve weekends. But suppose you said, "Frank, I have a
challenge with this fence that I can't solve. I don't know what I am doing
wrong and can't seem to get anywhere. I am not sure if I am doing it right
or what to do next. Do you have ideas about how I could mend this fence?
Could you come take a look?" You will see a marked difference in
response between the first request and the second.

People have an innate desire to feel wanted and needed. When you fulfill
this need, you open the door to persuasion and action, a fact that has been
321
proved beyond a doubt by records kept on industrial workers. Workers
who have no voice whatsoever in management, who cannot make
suggestions, or who are not allowed to express their ideas simply do not
do as much work as workers who are encouraged to contribute. The same
is true in families. Family-relations expert Ruth Barbee said, "It is
surprising how willingly a child will accept the final authority of the
father, even if the decision goes against him, provided he has had a
chance to voice his opinions, and make his suggestions, before the final
decision is reached."[4]

Our opinions play an enormous role in changing our minds about issues.
For action to occur, the change must be internalized. Consider this
example: Suppose you surveyed people's opinions on some topic, let's say
capital punishment, then divided them into two groups. Both groups are to
write an essay on capital punishment that is against their true views. One
group is "required" to write the essay, while the other group is asked to
"volunteer" to write the essay. Both groups are then surveyed again for
their opinions on capital punishment. What do you think the results would
be? When this experiment was actually tried, the individuals who were
required to write the essay showed almost no change at all in their
opinions. Those volunteering to do so showed changes in opinion when
tested later, even though their essays were written from a standpoint in
conflict with their true views. From this, we learn two things: First, there
was greater compliance from those who were given the choice and not
forced to participate; second, as discussed in an earlier chapter, when
people feel conflict or dissonance internally, they will often adapt or even
change their position.

Visualization

Another participation technique is to use visualization. No one can follow

through on an act or message without first thinking or seeing in his or her
mind that it is possible to accomplish it. You can mentally achieve
participation by helping your audience visualize and see in their mind
how your product or service will help them. Real estate agents attempt to
help their clients visualize living with their family in a certain home.
When showing the home, the agents want the people to envision it as their
own.

A group of researchers went door-to-door selling cable TV subscriptions.

When they included the phrase "imagine how cable TV will provide you
322
with broader entertainment," they immediately achieved more success.
Forty-seven percent of those who were told to imagine cable TV bought a
subscription while only 20 percent of the control group did. The mind is
activated when you help your prospect visualize your product or
service.[5]

In many persuasive situations, your audience may not be interested in

your message, service, or product at all. How do you pull in passers-by?
Many times when we see a persuasive situation, we like to remain
anonymous. We don't want to feel any pressure so we watch from a
distance. If someone at the clothing store asks if we want help we say
"no." We avoid the involvement because deep down we know that
becoming involved will decrease our resistance.

I remember spending some time on Key West in the Florida Keys. Every
night before dusk, everyone would gather at Sunset Pier to watch the
sunset and enjoy the view. It is a great time of the day to unwind and
enjoy nature's beauty. It is also the perfect opportunity for vendors and
street performers to hawk their wares. We saw jugglers, sword
swallowers, magic tricks, the works. One night, as I watched people walk
by, many of them wanted to watch but felt timid unless a crowd had
already gathered around the performers. The performers knew if they did
not get a crowd, they would not make any money. When someone
remains anonymous, they feel little pressure to donate. I saw someone
who was doing a magic act call over to someone who was trying to
remain anonymous. Soon, the performer got the man involved in his act.
This attracted more people to watch and also got a donation from the
gentleman, who no longer was anonymous.

If you see someone around you or in your audience who is avoiding or

rejecting your message, try to get him or her involved. You can get a
volunteer from your audience and by getting him to willingly participate,
you will completely change his perspective. Pet storeowners are famous
for this. They see children come in just to look around. The parents don't
want to have a dog in the house, but their son or daughter still wants to
look. The owner waits patiently to see the child's eyes light up and
instantly fall in love with a new puppy. The child holds and hugs the
puppy and the dad knows he is in for a struggle. The owner is wise and
does not want to fight the father. He just says, "It looks like she has fallen
in love with this puppy. I understand your apprehension about having a

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new puppy who will be in charge of it? Tell you what just take the
puppy home for the weekend and if it doesn't work out, bring him back."
Of course, you know that the rest is history. Who can't fall in love with a
puppy after a weekend? The owner has successfully pulled a reluctant
customer to get involved.

One of the most influential salesmen for the U.S. Army was Major
General Walter S. Sweeney. In one city where he and his troops were
staying, there was a strong feeling of hostility toward the troops. The
general wisely invited one of the civic clubs to lunch. There, club
members were served by army members while they listened to the
army band play and heard different speeches. The meeting was
successful, and others followed. It was not long before the hostility was
forgotten. General Sweeney knew that the only way he would gain
support was if he could involve and get to know the civilians.[6]

Physical Movement

Making your audience physically move can also affect the way your
message is received. Involvement can be something as simple as getting
people to say "yes," to raise their hands, or even just to nod their heads
"yes." The more movement and involvement you can create, the greater
your ability to persuade. Great persuaders look for times when they can
get affirmation from their audience. They engineer their persuasive
message to get as many verbal, mental, or physical "yeses" as they can
throughout their presentation. And there is good evidence to support this
practice. One study brought in a large group of students to do "market
research on high-tech headphones." The students were told that the
researchers wanted to test how well the headphones worked while they
were in motion (while wearers were dancing up and down and moving
their heads to the beat of Linda Ronstadt and the Eagles). Following the
songs, the researchers played an argument about how the university's
tuition should be raised from $587 per semester to $750 per semester. One
group of students had been told to move their heads up and down
throughout the music and the speaking. Another group was told to move
their heads from side to side. A last group was told to make no
movements at all.

After "testing the headsets," the students were asked to fill out a
questionnaire about not only the headsets, but also the university's tuition.
Those nodding their heads up and down (yes motion) overall rated a jump
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in tuition as favorable. Those shaking their heads side to side (no motion)
overall wanted the tuition to be lowered. Those who had not moved their
heads didn't really seem to be persuaded one way or the other.[7] In a
similar study at the University of Missouri, the researchers found that TV
advertisements were more persuasive when the visual display had
repetitive vertical movements, for example, a bouncing ball.[8]

Contact

Engaging customers with human contact also works well for retail stores.
Human beings are naturally drawn to other human activity.[9] The sight
of other humans in motion attracts people and increases sales. Studies
show that the more contact employees make with customers, the greater
the average sale.[10] In fact, any contact initiated by a store employee
increases the likelihood that a shopper will buy something.[11] A shopper
who talks to a salesperson and tries something on is twice as likely to buy
as a shopper who does neither. Talking with an employee has a way of
drawing a customer in closer and actively involving them.

The Power of "Yes"

Use questions that will create "yeses." As you create your marketing and
persuasive presentations, you must engineer the number of times you get
your audience to raise their hands, say yes, or nod their heads. How many
verbal yeses are you getting? One easy and effective way to get more
affirmative responses is to engineer questions that will receive a positive
answer. For example, when a word ends in "n't" it will bring a "yes"
response. Consider the following phrases:

Wouldn't it? - Isn't it? - Couldn't it? - Doesn't it? - Shouldn't it? -
Won't you? - Can't you? - Wasn't it?

[1]David Sears, J. Freedman, and L. Peplau, Social Psychology (Englewood

Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice Hall, 1985), p.154.
[2]A. C. Elms, "Influence of Fantasy Ability on Attitude Change Through Role
Playing," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 4 (1966): 3643.
[3]A. Pratkanis and E. Aronson, Age of Propaganda (New York: W. H. Freeman,
1992), pp. 123124.
[4]Les Giblin, How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People
(Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice Hall, 1956), p.120.

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[5]W. L. Gregory, R. B. Cialdini, and K. M. Carpenter, "Mediators of Likelihood
Estimates and Compliance: Does Imagining Make It So?" Journal of Personality
and Social Psychology (1982): 8999
[6]N. Christensen, The Art of Persuasion and Selling (New York: Parker
Publishing, 1970), p. 20.
[7]G. Wells and R. Petty, "The Effects of Overt Head Movements on
Persuasion," Basic and Applied Social Psychology 1, 3 (1980): 219230.
[8]Ibid.
[9] - [10] - [11]: P. Underhill, Why We Buy: The Science of Shopping (New
York: Simon & Schuster, 1999), p. 37.
Creating Atmosphere

Another way to boost participation is with atmosphere. Atmosphere is

really just a state of mind that you can create. Think about the following
locations and the atmosphere they purposefully create:
Hardware stores
Bookstores
Malls
Casinos
Theme restaurants
Amusement parks
Sporting goods stores
Bars
Hospitals
Rule offices

Each establishment is vastly different, but when you walk in, you know
immediately the atmosphere or feeling that it evokes. In this way, the
atmosphere moves you. Antique stores purposefully create an atmosphere
of chaos. They appear to be unorganized with everything strewn around or
disheveled. This is done so that customers believe they have stumbled
upon a great find, a piece of buried treasure. Nike Town is a set of stores,
each with an athletic theme. If the customer is successfully seduced by the
excitement and energy of the athletic atmosphere, he will want to make
himself just a little worthier of it. This means buying a new pair of Nikes.

Music

Music is an important part of atmosphere. In department stores, shoppers

who are exposed to music shop 18 percent longer and make 17 percent
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more purchases than shoppers in stores not playing music. There are even
rhythms, pitches, and styles of music that are best for different shoppers.
Grocery shoppers respond best to slow tempos. Fast food restaurants need
a higher number of beats per minute. For the use of music to be effective,
customers can't really be aware of it the music should not be
overpowering, rather it should be merely an atmospheric presence.

Aroma

Aromas are commonly used as a participation device. We know that our

sense of smell can evoke memories quicker (see the Rule of Association)
and more intensely than any other method. We see many examples of the
use of aromas to create the proper atmosphere. Victoria's Secret uses
potpourri scents to augment their customers' feelings of femininity. Pizza
stores use the smell of freshly baked pizza. Car dealers use the new car
smell, even on used cars.

In the Kajima Cooperation in Japan, management uses aromas to increase

productivity throughout the day. Their formula is citrus in the morning,
for its rousing effects; floral scents in the afternoon, to encourage
concentration; and woodland scents before lunch and at the end of the
day, to help relax employees.[12] One study showed that people were
more than twice as likely to provide a stranger with change for a dollar
when they were within smelling range of a Cinnabon store.[13] The right
smells can make a persuasive atmosphere.

Rushed vs. Relaxed

Atmosphere can also include the tension in the air. Is there a rush, or are
customers relaxed? What type of climate are you trying to create? Do you
want a quick, fast decision, or do you want your customers to feel
comfortable enough to stay for a while? An interesting study on what
happens when you create an atmosphere of being rushed can be seen in
the following example:

Princeton University psychologists John Darley and Daniel Batson

wanted to see how students would respond if they were in a situation
replicating the biblical account of the Good Samaritan.[14] As the story
goes, a band of thieves beat, robbed, and left a man traveling alone by the
roadside to die. A devout priest and a reputable Levite passed by. Neither
of the men stopped to help the dying man. Finally, a Samaritan, loathed
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and despised by society, stopped to help him. The Samaritan bound up his
wounds, took him to an inn, and even paid the innkeeper to care for him
until he returned.

Darley and Batson asked seminarians on a one-on-one basis to prepare

and present a short speech on an assigned biblical topic. The test was set
up so that on their way to the location where they would deliver their
speech, each student would cross a man slumped over, coughing and
groaning. Which students would actually stop and help? Before preparing
their speeches, the students filled out a questionnaire asking why they had
chosen to study theology. Then a variety of speech topics were assigned,
including the story of the Good Samaritan. As the students were leaving
to deliver their speeches, some were told, "You'd better hurry. They were
expecting you about three minutes ago." Others were told, "They won't be
ready for a few minutes, but you may as well head over now."

Now, most people would assume that seminarians stating on their

questionnaires that they had chosen to study theology so they could help
people and who were then assigned to speak on the Good Samaritan
would be the ones most likely to stop and help the ailing man on their
way. Interestingly, neither of those two factors seemed to make much of a
difference. In fact, Darley and Batson stated, "Indeed, on several
occasions, a seminary student going to give his talk on the parable of the
Good Samaritan literally stepped over the victim as he hurried on his
way." The element that seemed to be most influential was whether or not
the student was rushed. Of the students who were told they were already a
little late, only 10 percent stopped to help. Of the students who were told
they had a little bit more time, 63 percent stopped to help.[15]

We can learn from this example that we can create atmospheres where
people are so involved and feel so much pressure to be sufficiently
involved that they ignore other factors they normally would not ignore.

Hands-on Experience

Another good way to get people involved is to get your product into their
hands. If they can begin to use it, chances are they will continue. That is
why car dealers encourage test drives. You will even see car dealerships
give their loyal customers a car to drive for a few days. How can you go
back to your old car after driving around in a new car? By that point,
neighbors and coworkers have already seen you in the car and have
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commented about your new vehicle. You're thoroughly involved and the
new car is yours. You want people to experience your product for free.
Free trials are really what made the Internet company AOL (America
Online) successful. Who doesn't have free CDs from AOL?

Many TV advertisers offer a free one-month trial before you have to pay
for their product. After the month is up, most consumers will keep the
product, even if they didn't use it. The trial period has created a sense of
ownership in the product, and consumers don't like to relinquish
ownership. This is also why so many companies use introductory offers.
Credit card issuers are known for tempting customers with introductory
deals that give very low interest rates.

To get your product in your prospects' hands, get them to open the box
and play with the object, give them the feeling of ownership, make them
feel as if they already bought it, and suggest how the product can be used
in their home. There are many other examples of the Rule of Involvement.
Think about the listening stations in the music stores, the comfortable
chairs where you can kick back and read in the bookstores, booths set up
at the malls where you can try and test products and equipment, CD clubs
where you get so many free CDs, frequent user programs, coupons,
contests, and the variety of services offering free estimates.

The 3M Company certainly discovered the value of putting product into

customers' hands. At their outset, Post-it Notes were not very successful.
3M was going to discontinue the whole line until the brand manager sent
a case of Post-it Notes to 499 of the Fortune 500 Companies. Because of
their trial run, the Fortune 500 companies loved the efficiency of Post-it
Notes, and the rest is history.[16]

Another common way for businesses to cash in on the Rule of

Involvement is to use the "magic" of written declarations. This occurs
through the use of an innocent-looking promotional device. You're
probably familiar with company-sponsored essay contests, you know, the
ones that ask you to write a 100-word essay beginning with the statement,
"I love this product because . . ."? Well, is there any better way to get a
commitment from someone than to have them put it in writing? What
about those Crayola drawing contests, where kids had to submit their
artwork created with Crayola's crayons? It's the same principle.

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Usually we are more inclined to favor our own ideas over the ideas of
others, right? Knowing that people do not typically resist their own ideas
can be key when trying to influence others. Always seek to get your
prospects to think your ideas are their own. An example of this strategy in
action is when companies have the customers fill out a sales agreement.
Cancellations are amazingly low when customers have filled out their
agreements on their own. It's a double whammy: Not only are your
prospects agreeing to what you want, but they are also putting it in
writing!

[12]Des Dearlove, "A Breath of Lemon-Scented Air," The London Times, April
3, 1997.
[13]Matt Crenson, "Scent of Cookies Brings Out Best in Shoppers," Las Vegas
Review Journal, October 14, 1996.
[14]Luke 10:3037.
[15]J. Darley and D. Batson, "From Jerusalem to Jericho: A Study of Situational
and Situational and Dispositional Variables in Helping Behavior," Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology 27 (1973): 100119.
[16]S. Godin and M. Gladwell, Unleashing the Idea Virus (New York: Hyperion,
2001).

Maintaining Attention

It is common sense to realize you have to keep your audience's attention

in order to persuade them. If you lose them, you lose your chance for
them to understand and accept your proposal. We know from our own
personal experience that we tend to let our minds naturally drift when we
are listening to other people. We cannot focus on one item for too long
unless we are forced to do so. The experienced persuader can make a
person want to pay attention and stay focused. You may lose your
audience's attention from time to time but it is your job to bring them back
to full attention status. You can help your prospect lose track of time.

Some estimate that the average adult attention span is about eighteen
minutes. What's more, studies indicate that attention spans have been
decreasing steadily over the past decade. The blame seems to be put on
the media, on lack of circumstances that require concentration, and of
course on the MTV generation always wanting to be entertained or tuning
out. After our attention span has lapsed, we become bored and no longer
listen. You have to be creative to maintain the mental involvement that is
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required to persuade a mind. One way to keep the mind harnessed is to
give your audience enough time to process what you are telling them. You
can tell by the look in their eyes if you have lost them. I'm sure you have
taken seminars or college classes where you have been completely lost.
When the professor asks questions, you don't raise your hand because you
have no idea what is going on. Give your listeners enough time to absorb
what you're saying, but obviously not so long that they become totally
bored and detached.

Some more ideas on ways to help people choose to pay attention:

Use questions
Present new and innovative ideas
Use quotes
Make startling statements
Provide relevant examples
Change mediums
Speak in the first person
Make them feel important
Give them shortcuts or tips
Keep your body moving
Avoid excessive detail
Make sure your transitions flow

You can see that these techniques are used to grab back the attention of
your listeners when their minds have started wandering. Employed
properly they will bring your audience's attention back to you.

Thousands of sales are lost each day simply because the salesperson talks
too much. Salespeople tend to oversell by making a laundry list of reasons
why people should buy their product. This is not what people want to
hear. As a result, they will always find one reason or another not to buy.
The more benefits you list, the greater the chances that your prospect will
find a reason not to buy. Overselling will also kill the emotions of the
prospect.

Movement is another common technique for grabbing attention. It causes

us to be alert. Stores utilizing movement-oriented end-caps (displays at
the end of the aisle) always have more shoppers around than those using
end-caps without movement. This strategy can be used to your advantage

331
when doing a presentation. When your movements are purposeful and
well timed, your audience will be more tuned in to your message.

Using the Art of Questioning

Of all the tools in your persuasion toolbox, questioning is probably the

one most often used by elite persuaders. Questions gain immediate
involvement. Questions are used in the persuasion process to create
mental involvement, to guide the conversation, to set the pace of
conversation, to clarify statements and objections, to determine beliefs,
attitudes, and values, to force you to slow down, to find out what your
prospect needs, and to show your sincerity. Questioning is a very diverse
and useful tool. Negotiation experts Neil Rackham and John Carlisle
observed hundreds of negotiators in action in an attempt to discover what
it takes to be a top negotiator. Their key finding was that skilled
negotiators ask more than twice as many questions as average
negotiators.[17]

Much like movement, questions elicit an automatic response from our

brains. We are taught to answer a question when it is posed to us. We
automatically think of a response when asked a question. Even if we don't
verbalize the answer, we think about it in our head. Most people want to
be cooperative. We don't want to be considered rude because we don't
answer the questions. In this way, a question stimulates our thinking
response.

Let's look a little bit at how to form good questions. First, design your
questions ahead of time. The structure of your questions dictates how your
listener will answer them. When asked to estimate a person's height,
people will answer differently depending on whether the question asked is
"How tall is he?" versus "How short is he?" In one study, when asking
how tall versus how short a basketball player was, researchers received
dramatically different results. The "how tall" question received the guess
of 79 inches whereas the "how short" question received the guess of 69
inches.[18] Words have a definite effect on how people respond. "How
fast was the car going?" suggests a high speed, but "At what speed was
the car traveling?" suggests a moderate speed. "How far was the
intersection?" suggests the intersection was far away.

If you are probing for lots of information, it is best to keep your questions
unstructured. The more unstructured the question, the more information
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you are likely to get. In a conversation in which you are asking many
unstructured questions, the other person is likely to be doing most of the
talking. Along this vein, it is a good idea to ask open-ended questions. It
is too easy to respond to a question that can be answered with a simple
"yes" or "no." For example, instead of saying, "Do you wish you had
decided differently?" ask, "How did you feel after you made that
decision?" Then the person's answer can be used as a device to lead into
your more detailed questions "Why did you make that decision?" or
"What do you wish you could change about your decision?" without
your seeming intrusive.

A good rule of thumb is to start with the easiest questions first. You want
to draw your audience into the conversation and help them feel relaxed
and comfortable. People are encouraged by answers they know are right.
Begin the conversation by starting with a general topic instead of a
specific subject. You need to get the wheels in your listeners' minds
rolling before you ask them to answer the more specific questions.

One facet of questioning is the use of leading questions. Leading

questions are questions that give a semi-interpretation to your audience.
The best trial lawyers are experts at using leading questions to cross-
examine and influence witnesses. Stanford professor Elizabeth Loftus
researched how leading questions influenced eyewitness testimonies. In
one project, her subjects watched a one-minute multiple-car accident. One
group was asked, "About how fast were the cars going when they
smashed into each other?" The second group was asked, "How fast were
the cars going when they hit?" The third group was asked, "How fast were
they going when they contacted?" The first group estimated that the cars
were going about 40.8 miles an hour, the second group estimated 34 miles
an hour, and the third group estimated 31.8 miles an hour.[19] The same
question led to three different answers just by using alternative phrasing.

Leading questions not only alter the way we interpret facts, but they also
influence what we remember. In another study conducted by Loftus, study
subjects who were asked, "Did you see the broken headlight?" were two
or three times more likely to answer yes than subjects who were asked,
"Did you see a broken headlight?"[20]

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A Two-Way Street

Questioning can also measure the level of receptivity in your prospects.

How receptive your audience is correlates with how many questions or
statements arise. So what if there are no questions? What do you do? If
there are no questions, it could be because the audience needs time to
think about what you have just said, they could be afraid to ask because of
what others might think, or they just might not be able to think of a good
question to ask. Maybe you went on too long or stepped on a sensitive
issue. Perhaps the audience has already made up their minds, or maybe
they don't speak English.

The best questions draw a person into a conversation and out of being
unreceptive. So, it is to your advantage to direct questions at your
prospects that will reel them in:
What do you think about . . . ?
Have you ever thought about . . . ?
How do you feel about. . . ?
When did you start. . . ?
Where did you find. . . ?
Be prepared to field questions that the audience will ask and want to
know. Brainstorm ahead of time for possible questions, scenarios, and
answers. There will always be someone who asks the tough questions. If
you are the expert, you are expected to know the answers. Obviously, if
you don't know the answer, you should not make one up. If the question is
way out of line, you can say you don't know the answer. But what do you
do when your audience expects you to know the answer and you don't?
How do you save yourself from losing credibility?

One way is to throw the question back to the audience and ask for the
audience's help or opinions. Another strategy is asking to have the
question repeated. This gives you more time to think of a response.
Restate the question and ask if that is correct. This also helps you make
sure you understand the question. You can request that the person asking
the question consult with you later: "Get with me at the break so we can
talk about that." It is better to tell one person you don't know than
admitting it to the whole audience. Alternatively, you can ask the person
posing the question whether they have any of their own insights into the
subject.

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Handling Objections

When you get people involved in the process, you will get some
objections. The way you handle objections will correlate with how
mentally involved people become with your message. The better you
become at handling objections, the more persuasive you will become.

When you become refined as a persuader, you will learn to love

objections. You will come to understand that when people voice their
objections, it actually indicates interest and shows that they are paying
attention to what you are saying. The key to persuasion is anticipating all
objections before you hear them. Fielding questions and handling
objections can make or break you as a persuader. Such skills will help you
in every aspect of your life.

Here are some tips on how to handle objections:

1. The first thing is to find out if the objection is something you can
solve. Suppose you are negotiating a large office furniture order
and the objection comes up about not being able to afford your
furniture. You then find out your prospect just declared
bankruptcy. Obviously there is nothing you can do or say that will
resolve such an objection.

2. Let your prospect state his objection: Hear him out completely,
without interruption. Wait until he is finished before you say
anything. Hold your response until the other person is receptive to
what you are about to say. This is the first time your prospect has
voiced his objection; he will not listen until he has said what is on
his mind.

3. Always ask your prospect to restate or repeat his key points.

Every time he replays his objection it becomes clearer in both
your minds. Letting him speak, particularly if he is upset, drains
emotion from his objection. Allowing him to voice his concerns
also gives you time to think about a response and helps you
determine his intent in bringing up the objection in the first place.

4. Always compliment your prospect on her objection. As a

persuader, you can appreciate a good objection; it dictates the
direction in which you should take your presentation. You don't
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 have to prove you are right 100 percent of the time. Skillful
persuaders will always find some point of agreement. It's
important to recognize the apprehension or objections people
have instead of ignoring them.

5. Stay calm. Scientific tests have proven that calmly stated facts are
more effective in getting people to change their minds than are
threats and force.

6. Don't be arrogant or condescending. Show empathy with your

prospect's objection. Let him know others have felt this way. Talk
in the third person; use a disinterested party to prove your point.
This is why we often use testimonials to let someone else do
the persuading for us.

7. Give the person room to save face. People will often change their
minds and agree with you later. Unless your prospect has made a
strong stand, leave the door open for her to later agree with you
and save face at the same time. It could be that she did not have
all the facts, that she misunderstood, or that you didn't explain
everything correctly.

Quick Note: If you are dealing with a stubborn person who absolutely will
not change his mind about anything, don't panic. There are reasons why
this person is closed-minded and always saying "no" to everything. He
might not have a clear idea about what you are proposing, he may have
been hurt in the past, he may be afraid of being judged, or he may feel his
ideas are not appreciated. Don't take it personally; it will happen from
time to time.
[17]N. Rackham, Account Strategies for Major Sales (New York: McGraw-Hill,
1989), p. 143.
[18]E. Loftus, "Reconstructing Memory: The Incredible Eyewitness," Psychology
Today 8 (1974): 116.
[19]L. Wrightsman, M. Nietzel, and W. Fortune, Psychology and the Legal
System (Pacific Grove, Calif.: Brooks/Cole Publishing, 1994), p. 147.
[20]Ibid.

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Telling Mesmerizing Stories

Stories are powerful tools for persuaders. Compelling storytelling

automatically creates attention and involvement with your audience. We
can all think of a time when we were in an audience and not paying
attention to the speaker. We were off in our own world when all of a
sudden we perked up and started to listen because the speaker had begun
to tell a story. We sat up, listened attentively, took note of what was being
said, and wanted to know what would happen next. Whenever you sense
your audience is starting to wander, you should have a relevant story
ready.

Notice I said "relevant." You can capture attention by telling a story but
you will lose long-term persuasiveness if your story does not relate to you
or your topic. When your stories work well to underscore your main
points, your presentation will hold greater impact. Remember, facts
presented alone will not persuade as powerfully as they will when coupled
with stories that strike a chord within your listeners. By tapping into
inspiration, faith, and a person's innermost feelings, you will cause your
prospects to be moved by your story.

Stories can be effectively used to do any or all of the following:

Grab attention and create involvement
Simplify complex ideas
Create memorable hooks
Trigger emotions
Tap into existing beliefs
Persuade without detection
Bypass existing resistance to you or to your ideas
Demonstrate who you are
Build interest
Encourage participation
Stories answer questions in the audience's mind about who you are and
what you represent. If you don't answer these questions for your listeners,
they will make up the answers themselves. Your audience members can
tell from a story whether you are funny, honest, or even whether you want
to be with them. Remember, building rapport is a key ingredient for
persuasion. Since you usually don't have time to build trust based on

337
personal experience, the best you can do is tell your prospects a story that
simulates an experience of your trustworthiness. Hearing your story is as
close as they can get to the firsthand experience of watching you in action.

Your goal is for the listeners to arrive at your conclusions of their own
free will. Your story needs to take them on a step-by-step tour of your
message. A persuasive story simplifies your concepts so your audience
can understand what you are talking about and what you want them to do.
We love stories to give us answers to our problems. We accept the
answers a story gives us more than if someone were to just provide us
with those answers.

Courtroom lawyers often create reenactments of events. They make the

stories so rich in sensory detail that the jury literally sees, hears, and feels
the event as it unfolded. The trial lawyer's goal is to make the description
so vivid that the jurors feel the client's distress as their own and as such
are moved by it. The more concrete and specific your descriptive details,
the more persuasive your story telling will be. Using specific details pulls
the listener into the story, making it real, making it believable.

Pack your stories with authenticity, passion, and humor. Make sure they
are straightforward and that the timeline or character development is not
confusing. A story that confuses will not convince. Use your body, voice,
props, music, or costumes if necessary. These methods intensify your
message because they reach all the senses. Engaging the senses of your
listeners will make your story more effective. If you can get your listeners
to see, hear, smell, feel, and taste the elements of your story, their
imaginations will drive them to the point of experiencing without actually
being there.

As you learn to incorporate the senses, you will find that their effects can
persuade faster than your words. For example, smells and tastes can be
very powerful. Both can evoke strong emotional memories and even
physiological reactions in your listeners. Invite them to imagine the smell
of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and you will see noses flare and
faces relax with the feeling associated with that special aroma. Such
sensation will fill their minds with feeling. Or describe in full detail the
sensation of biting into a fresh orange. You want the experience to come
alive in their mind as if it is happening to them. Paint the picture in such a
way that it becomes so real that your audience feels a part of it. People
will participate in your stories when you let them.
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Repeating and Repackaging

The more you expose someone to a particular concept or idea, the more
that concept or idea will become favorable to them. Things do grow on us.
Have you ever heard a song on the radio that you didn't like until it started
to grow on you? This is also true with people. You may not like some
people at first, but after awhile you grow to like them, and sometimes you
even become their friend. Ever wonder why politicians want signs and
posters with their names and faces all over everyone's yards, street
corners, bumpers, and windows? The use of repetition can be very
effective. It is often said that repetition is the mother of all learning, but it
is also the mother of effective persuasion. Repetition increases awareness,
understanding, and retention.

You have to be careful to use repetition wisely, however. My motto is,

"Repackage; Don't Repeat." This means you can use the power of
repetition, but you don't always have to say the words exactly the same
way. You can make the same point with a story, a fact, a statistic, an
analogy, or a testimony and never have to repeat yourself. You know how
you feel when you hear the exact same joke for the second or even third
time it doesn't carry the same punch as it did the first time, so you
usually tune out.

Even when repackaging, keep it to no more than three times. If you

present your message less than three times, it will not have a very strong
effect. If you present your message more than three times, it becomes
"worn out" and loses its potency. For example, in a study where children
were shown the same ice cream commercial over and over while watching
a cartoon, the children who saw the commercial three times actually
wanted the ice cream more than those who had seen the commercial five
times.[21] In another study, students were told they were to judge the
sound quality of audiocassettes. What the researchers were really
searching for, however, was the varying responses after having heard the
recorded message one, three, or five times. The message discussed
support of an increase in university spending via visitor luxury tax or
increased student tuition. Students actually favored the argument for the
luxury tax with up to three repetitions, but at five repetitions, their favor
for this argument declined.[22]

Another aspect of repetition is persistence. If you have ever been in sales,

you know that the most successful salespeople are the most persistent;
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they keep nudging until the sale is made. Most sales reps try to close the
sale only once or twice, but we know the average person has to be asked
five to six times before a sale takes place. Many people are afraid to ask
again and again. We tend to think that if we ask someone to do something
and they say they'll think about, that they will. Well, I hate to break the
news to you, but they don't. We forget. Our lives are busy. That is why
repetition and persistence increase your involvement and your ability to
persuade.

Polished persuaders can feel the fine line between persistence and
annoyance. My general rule is that if you detect even the slightest of
interest, keep up your persistence. I was in Mexico recently with a friend.
We were enjoying a nice walk through the town, looking at all the shops
and buildings. Out of nowhere, a vendor selling bracelets and necklaces
approached and disrupted our nice stroll. "No, thank you" did little to
deter the pesky vendor. He followed us through the town and through the
streets. When we went into a shop hoping he'd leave, he even waited
outside the store for us. Again, we told him "no, thank you" and that we
had no need for his gold and silver bracelets. "But I have a special deal,"
he kept telling us! Well, he was persistent (or we could say a pain in the
butt) but it finally paid off. We bought a bracelet and he went home
happy.

Persistence is a state of mind, which means it can be cultivated. Most

people do not lack desire; they lack persistence. As Calvin Coolidge said:

Successful people always have high levels of persistence, and don't give
up until they have reached their objective. Nothing in the world can take
the place of persistence. Talent will not. Nothing is more common than
unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is
almost a proverb. Education will not. The world is full of educated
derelicts. Persistence, determination and hard work make the difference.

Remember, you can have the best product and it might even be a perfect
fit for the person you are trying to persuade. They might even feel it is a
perfect fit and want it, but they will say no just because it's human nature.
Good persuaders don't take "no" for an answer. If they know their product
is what the prospect needs and is looking for, they keep pursuing.
Persuasion is getting the other person to want what you want and to like
it. This can only happen with honorable persistence.

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[21]G. Gorn and M. Goldberg, "Children's Responses to Repetitive TV
Commercials," Journal of Consumer Research (1980): 421425.

[22]R. E. Petty and J. T. Cacioppo, "Effects of Forewarning of Persuasive Intent

and Involvement on Cognitive Responses and Persuasion," Personality and Social
Psychology Bulletin (1979):173176.

Building Suspense and Distraction

The element of mystery can be effectively employed to involve your

audience. We are all naturally curious about the unknown. When we feel
we've been left hanging, it drives us crazy! We want to know the end of
the story. We want our tasks to be completed so we can check them off
our list. This is also known as the "Zeigarnik Effect," named after Bluma
Zeigarnik, a Russian psychologist. This effect is the tendency we have to
remember uncompleted thoughts, ideas, or tasks more than completed
ones.

We see the Zeigarnik Effect on the television news and other programs.
Right before a commercial break, the newscasters announce some
interesting tidbit that will come later in the hour. This piques your interest
and, rather than flipping the channel, you stay tuned. Movies and dramas
on television also leave you hanging in suspense. By leaving something
uncompleted right before the commercial break, the programs draw our
attention, keep us involved, and motivate us to continue watching. We
don't feel satisfaction until we receive finality, closure, or resolution to the
message, our goals, or any aspect of our life.

You also see the Zeigarnik Effect in the courtroom. We already know that
people feel more confident and impressed with information they discover
for themselves over time. This dictates that persuaders slowly dispel
information, rather than dumping large volumes of information all at
once. A good lawyer does not disclose everything he knows about the
case or the plaintiff during his opening statement. As the trial progresses,
the jury can fill in the blanks for themselves with the additional
information they gradually receive. This works much better than dumping
all the information on them in the beginning. It holds the jurors' attention
longer and gives the message more validity. The jury discovers the
answers for themselves, and is more likely to arrive at the desired
conclusion.

341
Distraction has been proven to increase your ability to persuade. On the
flip side, if the distraction is disagreeable, your persuasive ability will
diminish. This means, depending on the situation, you can persuade better
with a distraction than with total concentration. Social psychologists Leon
Festinger and Nathan Maccoby proved this theory with their landmark
study on what are the best distracters. They discovered that food and sex
appeal worked the best.[23]

In another experiment, the two men attempted to persuade college

students that fraternities are bad.[24] Their presentation was not well
received by the students, so they did the experiment a second time. This
time they used a funny silent movie during the presentation. The results
were clear. More of the students who were distracted with the silent
movie changed their opinions about fraternities. In this study, distracting
the conscious mind increased the persuasiveness of the message.
[23]L. A. Festinger and N. Maccoby, "On Resistance to Persuasive
Communication," Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology 68 (1964):
359366.

[24]Ibid.

Generating Competition

Most humans are very competitive. When you package something as a

competition, most people will want to be involved. Certainly some
personality types shy away from competition, but most people are
naturally competitive. Persuaders must be able to see how the use of
competition works within the group they are dealing with. As you
introduce competition into your presentation, you can create rivalry
between different entities. Maybe you are using a competition where each
individual is competing against himself or perhaps you create competition
among the individual members of the group. Maybe you are pitting the
group against another group or perhaps you are trying to get them to
compete against the status quo.

All of these approaches will create involvement, but the most effective
way may be to get the whole group working together against a common
enemy. When you can create a unity of competition against an enemy,
you will see more energy, teamwork, and motivation toward the goal. The
342
fastest way to set up this type of competition within a group is to either
create an external threat or to simply set your group against another
group.

A group of researchers wanted to test the effectiveness of competition as a

motivator at a summer camp for boys. As you might imagine, it was
pretty easy to create an atmosphere of competition. In fact, simply
separating the boys into two cabins created sentiments of "we versus
they." The competitive feelings between the two groups grew as
increasingly competitive activities were introduced. For example, as the
boys became involved in cabin-against-cabin treasure hunts, tugs-of-war,
and other athletic team competitions, name-calling and scuffles grew
more common.

The researchers then sought to see whether they could use the
competitiveness to create cooperation toward something mutually
productive and beneficial. The researchers set conditions so that if the
boys didn't work together, they were all at a disadvantage and, conversely,
if the boys did work together, all had the advantage. For example, the
truck going into town for food was stuck. It required all the boys helping
and pushing to get it on the road again. When the boys were told there
was a great movie available to rent but no money to rent it, the boys
pooled their resources and enjoyed the movie together.[25]
[25]M. Sherif, O. Harvey, B. White, W. Hood, and C. Sherif, Intergroup Conflict
and Cooperation: The Robbers' Cave Experience. (Norman, Okla.: University of
Oklahoma Institute of Intergroup Relations, 1961).

Engaging the Five Senses

We were all born with five senses, each helping us to make

generalizations about the world. You should engage all five sensations
when trying to persuade an audience. When we learn, 75 percent comes to
us visually, 13 percent comes through hearing, and 12 percent comes
through smell, taste and touch.[26]

However, keep in mind that there are three dominant senses we gravitate
toward. They are sight, hearing, and feeling, or, visual, auditory, and
kinesthetic sensations. Most people tend to favor one of these perceptions
over the others. As a persuader, you need to identify and use your
prospect's dominant perspective on the world. Granted, we generally

343
make use of all three senses, but the point is to find the dominant
perception. As you determine the dominant mode, consider the size of
your audience. If you are speaking to one person, for example, you would
want to pinpoint the one perception that is dominant in that person. If you
have an audience of one hundred, on the other hand, you need to use all
three styles.

For example, if you were to ask an auditory person to be an eyewitness to

a robbery, he would describe the situation something like, "I was walking
down First Avenue listening to the singing birds when I heard a scream
for help. The yelling got louder, there was another scream, and the thief
ran off." A visual person might describe the same situation this way: "I
was walking down First Avenue watching the birds playing in the air. I
observed this large man coming around the corner. He looked mean and
attacked the smaller man. I saw him take his wallet and run from the
scene." The kinesthetic person would use this description: "I was walking
down First Avenue and I felt a lump in my throat, feeling that something
bad was going to happen. There was a scream, there was tension, and I
knew that a man was getting robbed. I felt helpless to do anything."

The most commonly prevalent of the senses is sight, or visual perception.

One study showed that those who used visual presentation tools (slides,
overheads, etc.) were 43 percent more persuasive than subjects who
didn't. Also, those using a computer to present their visual aids were
considered more professional, interesting, and effective.[27] Visually
oriented people understand the world according to how it looks to them.
They notice the details, like an object's shape, color, size, and texture.
They say things like, "I see what you mean," "From your point of view . .
. ," "How does that look to you?" "I can't picture it," and "Do you see
what I mean?" They tend to use words like "see," "show," "view," "look,"
"watch," and "observe."

Auditory people perceive everything according to sound and rhythm.

Phrases you would commonly hear would be, "I hear you," "That sounds
good to me," "Can you hear what I'm saying?" "It doesn't ring a bell," and
"Let's talk about it." They use words such as "hear," "listen," "sounds,"
"debate," "silence," "harmony," "rings," "say," "speak," "discuss," and
"verbalize."

Kinaesthetic people go with what they feel, not only in a tactile way, but
also internally. They are very into feelings and emotions. A kinaesthetic
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person would say things like, "That feels right to me," "I will be in touch
with you," "Do you feel that?" "I understand how you feel," and "I can
sense it."

They use words such as "feel," "touch," "hold," "connect," "reach,"

"unite," "grasp," "tension," "sense," "lift," and "understand."

One last word on visual, auditory, and kinaesthetic sensations: A general

way to tell which type describes a particular person is to watch the
movement of their eyes when they have to think about a question. Ask
them a question, watch their eyes, and make sure the question is difficult
enough that they have to ponder for a moment. Generally, but not 100
percent of the time, if they look up when they think, they are visual. When
they look to either side, they are usually auditory. When they look down,
they are kinaesthetic. I am simplifying a complicated science, but if you
try it, you will be amazed at the accuracy of this technique.
[26]D. Peoples, Presentations Plus (New York: John Wiley and Sons, 1988), p.
66.

[27]The 3M Meeting Management Team, How to Run Better Business Meetings

(New York: McGraw-Hill, 1987), pp. 114115.

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Chapter 12
The Rule of Esteem
How Praise Releases Energy
Overview

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

MARK TWAIN

The Rule of esteem recognizes that all humans need and want praise,
recognition, and acceptance. Acceptance and praise are two of our deepest
cravings; we can never get enough. William James once said, "The
deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated." You
can give simple praise to a child and watch them soar to the top of the
world. We know how a simple thank you can make our day. Human
beings have a psychological need to be respected and accepted. We need
affection to satisfy the need to belong, we want praise so we can feel
admired, and we want recognition to satisfy our need for personal worth.

In the persuasion process, it is essential to realize that people will act and
behave in a certain way in order to validate compliments. If you present
your request in a manner that compliments or builds up your listeners,
they will be much more inclined not only to follow through, but to do so
eagerly. Compliments have the power to change behavior because they
make the recipient feel needed and valued. The individual now has a
reputation to live up to or an opportunity to prove the validity of the
compliment. Besides that, it's hard to not get along and comply with
people who admire you, agree with you, and do nice things for you.

To use the Rule of Esteem effectively, you must clearly understand the
relationships between self-esteem, pride, and ego.

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the elusive aspiration of most people. It is a confidence or

self-satisfaction in oneself. Where does self-esteem come from? The
people who are truly happy and comfortable with themselves are the ones
who are able to live with and achieve what they want, not what they think
346
others want. When people truly function in this manner, they are more
pleasant to be around. They tend to be more generous, upbeat, and open-
minded. They fulfill their own needs, but are careful to consider the needs
of others. People who possess self-esteem are strong and secure, meaning
they can admit when they are wrong. They are not unraveled by criticism.
Their self-confidence permeates into all aspects of their lives: their jobs,
their education, their relationships, etc. After an in-depth study, the
National Institute for Student Motivation even rated self-confidence as
more influential in academic achievement than IQ.[1] Other studies have
shown that self-esteem even impacts your income levels.[2]

Unfortunately, several studies show that Americans overall do not enjoy

high self-esteem. Two out of three Americans suffer from varying levels
of low self-esteem. In one survey of child development, 80 percent of
children entering third grade said they felt good about themselves. By
fifth grade, the number had dropped to 20 percent. By the last year of high
school, only 5 percent of the seniors said that they felt good about
themselves. To some degree, we all suffer from low self-esteem in
different areas of our lives, whether it's our IQ, our looks, our education,
or how we look in a swimsuit. The short list of symptoms attributable to
low self-esteem includes: inability to trust others, aggressive behavior,
gossiping, resentment of others, criticism of others, inability to take
criticism, defensiveness, procrastination, and inability to accept
compliments.

There are two reasons why our culture suffers so greatly from low self-
worth. First, media and advertising continuously show us how we should
look, what we should drive, what we should smell like, etc. The message
is that we are never good enough with what we are. We see images of
grooming, fashion, popularity, and attractiveness to which we can never
measure up. These images constantly remind us that we need to improve
ourselves and that there is always someone better than us. Secondly, we
judge and measure ourselves not against our own norm, but against some
other individual's norm. But because we think, believe, and assume that
we should measure up to some other person's norm, we feel miserable and
second rate, concluding that there is something wrong with us.

How does self-esteem affect persuasion? Author Elaine Walster Hatfield

conducted a study that gives us one example. She found that a woman
who is introduced to a man is more likely to find him appealing if her

347
self-esteem has been temporarily injured than a woman whose self-esteem
has not been impaired. This explains the good old rebound effect whereby
a person quickly finds herself engaged in a new relationship right after
one ends, usually with someone whom she wouldn't date under "normal
circumstances."[3]

Esteem is definitely among the very top needs on the list of all the human
needs. When you're in a persuasive situation and not sure what to do,
helping your prospect feel important is a fail-proof place to start.
[1]J. Maxwell and J. Dornan, Becoming a Person of Influence (Nashville:
Thomas Nelson, 1997), p. 50.

[2]Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics (Los Angeles: Wilshire Book Company,

1960).

[3]E. Walster Hatfield, "The Effect of Self-Esteem on Romantic Liking," Journal

of Experimental Social Psychology (1965)

Pride

Pride is the exact opposite of self-esteem. A prideful person gets no

pleasure out of having something, but only out of having more of it, better
or bigger than someone else's, or something that no one else has. It is the
comparison that makes you proud, the pleasure of being above the rest.
Contrary to popular opinion, there is no lasting joy or fulfillment in pride.
Peace and satisfaction will never come because the looming possibility of
something or someone bigger and better coming along will always exist.
One relishing their position at the top of the hill can never rest easy for
too long.[4] Pride is a false sense of accomplishment because it is not
based on true or pure motives. As C.S. Lewis observed, "Pride is a
spiritual cancer; it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or
even common sense."

Pride is being secure in and taking pleasure in external things like

possessions, degrees, influence, or position. People who have too much
pride constantly compare themselves to others in an attempt to help them
feel better about themselves. They love to gossip and pull others down.
They are always concerned about who is right instead of what is right.
They have a scarcity mentality that there never is enough for everyone. As
Stephen R. Covey wrote, "An abundance mentality springs from an

348
internal security, not from external rankings, comparisons, opinions,
possessions, or associations."[5]

Self-esteem and pride are actually opposites, even though the terms are
commonly thought to be interchangeable. Pride is usually a red flag for
low self-esteem because people use it to cover their weaknesses and
insecurities. People afflicted with pride usually have a low opinion of
themselves. They often will bully or berate others to feel and manifest
their own self-importance. With self-esteem, there is an internal security
about who you are. You are fine with what you are and what you are
doing. You like to help others and are not concerned with what people
think. You like to lift others up and enjoy an abundance mentality.

Notice the comparisons between the two attributes:

Pride Self-Esteem

External security Internal security

Scarcity mentality Abundance mentality

Comparisons to others No need to compare

Value in possessions or positions Value in self

Tears others down Lifts others up

Concerned with who is right Concerned with what is right

[4]Stephen R. Covey, Principle-Centered Leadership (New York: Simon &

Schuster, 1990).

[5]Ibid.

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The Ego

We all have an ego, and at times a very fragile one. We all yearn to feel
important. The ego, or the individuality of each person, demands respect,
wants approval, and seeks accomplishment. Deep inside every man and
woman is a desire for importance and approval. This ego of ours can
cause us to act illogically and destructively, or it can cause us to act nobly
and bravely. When our ego is starved, we seek nourishment for it in any
way we can get it. Feed the hungry ego and it will be more persuadable.
This hunger is universal; we need our ego fed on a daily basis. We have to
have an affirmation every day that our worth as a human being is still
intact and that we are appreciated and noticed. After analyzing many
surveys, Researcher J.C. Staehle found that the principal causes of
dissatisfied workers stemmed from the actions of their supervisors.[6]
Those actions included the following, listed in the order of their
importance:
Failing to give employees credit for suggestions
Failing to correct grievances
Failing to encourage employees
Criticizing employees in front of other people
Failing to ask employees their opinions
Failing to inform employees of their progress
Practicing favoritism
All of these causes are related to a bruised ego. This is unfortunate
because studies show that employees are most effective when they are
recognized for their efforts. Psychologists at the University of Michigan
found that the foreman of a construction crew who is interested in the
people working under him gets more work out of them than the bossy
type who tries to force them to work harder.[7]

In an interesting study, school administrators sought to find the ratio of

positive to negative statements overheard in the schools' faculty lounges.
Thirty-two schools throughout the nation were visited. Now would you be
more likely to assume that there were more positive or more negative
comments? Negative? Well, you're right, but you may not realize how
right you are. Researchers were shocked to tally up the statements and
find that the ratio was 6 percent positive statements to 94 percent negative
statements![8] This is certainly a startling result for those of us who find
ourselves in positions of leadership.

350
When you find yourself in a persuasive situation, it is essential that you
seek to enhance your prospect's ego in some way. Too often we present
ourselves in a manner that instills feelings of threat, competition, jealousy,
and mistrust. When enhancing someone's ego, be sure your praise is
sincere and genuine. When we solicit someone's cooperation , everyone
wins. For example, what happens when a sales associate tells a woman
she looks great in the dress? The woman changes back into her original
outfit and heads straight for the register! She feels great and the associate
gets her sale. Or how about when the lady in shipping says she can really
tell you've been working out? You do your "Can you tell?" expression,
and then the next thing you know, you're helping her carry boxes. You get
to bask in the glory of someone announcing that they think you look
strong, and then you're extended the opportunity to demonstrate your
power and might.

We can all learn from General James Oglethorpe's example. The general
desired King George II of England's permission to establish a colony in
the New World. Yet none of his arguments or presentations, no matter
how carefully crafted, won the king over. At last, the general had a
brilliant idea. He proposed that the colonies be named after the king.
Suddenly, the general had not only permission, but abundant financial
means and even people to help populate the new colony of Georgia.

There is a particular set of ego rules that should be employed when

dealing with a superior. If you are trying to impress your boss, you should
approach it differently from how you would handle an employee. Always
make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please
or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents. Otherwise,
you might accomplish the opposite of what you hoped for by inspiring
fear and insecurity. When a student outshines the master, there is a blow
to the ego. The master wants to appear more brilliant than the student.

Challenge to the Ego

Here's another very effective technique. Anytime someone challenges

your abilities, especially your abilities to do your business, what's your
immediate and instinctive reaction? To prove them wrong! Try politely
expressing your concerns about your proposal and then watch the results.
For example, if you said to a supervisor, "I'm not sure you're able to get
those reps of yours producing, so I may hire a consultant." Don't worry,
that guy will be on it, pronto! Or when you say, "You probably don't have
351
the authority to pull this off," the prospect will make sure to show you that
he does indeed have that power! When employing this technique,
however, be careful to avoid damaging the ego. When you cause damage
instead of producing a challenge, you will create an air of indifference
from your prospect.

Another challenge to someone's ego is commonly used by sports coaches

in a team environment. When during football practice a player is not
putting in 100 percent, is late for meetings, or keeps making the same
mistake, the coach has a perfect ego-based solution. He brings the team
together and explains exactly what has happened with that particular
player. He then has the whole team, except for the guilty player, run laps.
This punishment is a challenge to the ego of this football player. Such a
situation only has to happen once to be persuasive for each member of the
team. Of course, the technique also works if the player also has to run
with the whole team, but having him watch magnifies the results.

There are many challenging messages geared toward our egos. Think of a
multilevel marketing meeting, where managers say they are looking for
"go-getters" and "people who can take action." Or what about a teacher
who tells the student, "I'd like you to do these advanced assignments"? I
have seen sales representatives make a subtle attack on the prospect's ego
when they were not getting the sale. They simply say, "I guess you don't
have the authority to make that decision." You should see the egos take
action! Another example is giving people credit for things they don't even
know. When you give people credit for knowing something they really
know nothing about, they generally will say nothing and allow you to
believe them to be smarter or more aware than they really are. The catch
is that they then will try to live up to the undeserved credit that you have
bestowed upon them in order to lead you to believe they really are smart.
You have heard such phrases as, "You probably already know. . . ." or
"You will soon realize . . ." These are direct challenges to our egos.

Respond Instead of React

In persuasion, we are faced with the difficult task of building the egos of
our listeners while placing our own egos on hold. In order to effectively
persuade, you have to let go of your ego and focus on your objective. You
don't have time to mend a bruised ego. Check your ego at the door and
remember your overriding purpose. Focus on persuasion, not on yourself.

352
[6]Maxwell and Dornan, Becoming a Person of Influence, p. 43.
[7]Science Newsletter, April 16, 1949.
[8]K. Erickson, The Power of Praise (St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House,
1984), pp. 7980.

Ingratiation: Make Others Feel Important

Ingratiation is gaining favor by deliberate effort. Ingratiation techniques

can include compliments, flattery, and agreeableness. Ingratiation can also
involve a special recognition of someone such as, "We don't usually do
this, but in your case I'm going to make an exception," or "I am personally
going to take care of this matter and see that you get what you want."
Many people consider ingratiation sucking up or brown-nosing, but it is
an effective technique for making others more persuadable. The reason
this strategy works is because The Rule of Esteem increases likability and
promotes an increase in ego.

Research has demonstrated these conclusions about using ingratiation. In

one study, "ingratiators" were perceived as more competent, motivated,
and qualified for leadership positions by their supervisors.[9] In another
study, subordinates who used ingratiation developed an increased job
satisfaction for themselves, their coworkers, and their supervisor.[10] In
yet another study, ingratiators enjoyed a 5 percent edge over
noningratiators in earning more favorable job evaluations.[11] Ingratiation
works even when it is perceived as a deliberate effort to win someone
over. Our esteem is so starved that we accept any flattery or praise we can
get.
[9]J. D. Watt, "The Impact of Frequency of Ingratiation on the Performance
Evaluation of Bank Personnel," Journal of Psychology 127, 2 (1993): 171177.
[10]S. J. Wayne and R. C. Liden, "Effects of Impression Management on
Performance Ratings: A Longitudinal Study," Academy of Management Journal
38, 1 (1995): 232260.
[11]R. J. Deluga, "Supervisor Trust Building, Leader-Member Exchange and
Organizational Citizenship Behaviour," Journal of Occupational and
Organizational Psychology 67 (1994): 315326.

The Leverage of Praise

Sincere praise and compliments can have a powerful effect on people.

Praise boosts one's self-esteem. When you genuinely give praise, it
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releases energy in the other person. You have seen it and experienced it
yourself. When you receive sincere compliments or praise, you get a
smile on your face, your spirits soar, and you have a new aura about you.

Praise Others Daily

I think of all the funerals I have attended, and how all of them ended with
beautiful eulogies. Why do we have to wait until someone is dead to say
something nice about them? As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, "Every man
is entitled to be valued by his best moments." Men will sacrifice their
lives for praise, honor, and recognition. We crave and yearn for a boost to
our esteem. We all wear an imaginary badge that says, "Please make me
feel important." It is criminal to withhold our praise when we see
someone, especially children, do great and honorable things. Yet then
when they do something wrong, we jump down their throats. Have you
ever thought about how we would never think of physically harming
someone or depriving them of food and water, yet often without
reservation we hurt someone emotionally or deprive them of love and
appreciation? George Bernard Shaw said, "The worst sin toward our
fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them." We
should make it a habit to give genuine praise to someone every day. Don't
wait for a reason or for something big to happen. Be generous with your
praise. Praise makes others more open to persuasion.

How to Give Sincere Praise

Always be sincere. Even the most cunning flatterer is ultimately detected

and discovered. Complimenting someone sincerely for something small is
better than complimenting someone insincerely for something big and
grand. If, instead of being constantly self-focused, we are attentive to
others, we will always find building moments where we can deliver
honest and sincere praise. Even Napoleon figured out that men will die for
blue ribbons. Men will sacrifice their lives for praise, honor, and
recognition.

Often it is more effective to praise the specific act rather than the person.
This way, your praise is attached to something distinct and concrete. It is
harder to be interpreted as flattery or favoritism when there is a specific
and concrete thing you have praised. General compliments may have
temporary effect, but can incite jealousy from others and create even more
insecurity in the recipient because that person is often not really sure what
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they did to deserve the compliment. Then they feel pressure to live up to
the standard you have set, even though they're not sure how or why it was
set. They may even subconsciously fear that you will retract the praise
because they don't know how to keep it. Things really backfire when that
person feels mistrustful toward you. Did you ever witness coworkers
gathering to complain after a "pep rally" with the boss? Instead of feeling
inspired and motivated, everyone griped about how the boss was full of it.
Of course, during the meeting, everyone played along, because it was
their job and they had to listen. When a boss asks you to do something
you do it because you have to. When someone has influence or is a leader
you do it because you want to.

So how do you effectively give someone a compliment they can live up to

without feeling anxiety? Instead of barking at your assistant, "Why
haven't you finished these files?" say, "Thank you so much for helping me
get these files done! I know I can count on you get them done in a timely
manner." Because the latter statement incorporates your assistant's
behavior into how you view her, you can be sure she'll follow through.
Consciously or subconsciously, she will want to maintain the apparent
image you have of her. Consequently she will continue that pattern of
behavior so as not to disappoint you.

As a manager or supervisor, your responsibility to praise and recognize

your employees is paramount. Regularly communicate the organization's
changing objectives and priorities and show employees you feel they are
important enough to be aligned with your goals. Invite new ideas from
workers, stressing that there are always better ways to do every task. Trust
workers by delegating responsibilities that give growth opportunities.
Check with employees to determine what extra time or equipment they
need, and work to provide them with these requests. Be fair to all. Playing
favorites undermines morale. Praise each employee for any job well done;
doing so orally is okay, but putting it in writing is even better. Want to
know another plus? Sincere praise costs your organization absolutely
nothing!

Effects of Praise

You know people are more likely to be persuaded to say "yes" when you
make them feel good about themselves, their work, and their
accomplishments. People will do almost anything for you when you treat

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them with respect and dignity and show them that their feelings are
important.

I remember going to try on suits at the local mall. I was thinking about
buying a suit but I was pretty indifferent about making a purchase that
day. Because I knew the sales representative would want to persuade me
to buy a suit that same day, I came in prepared for his persuasive
techniques. He asked, "What type of suit were you looking for?" I
answered, "Blue, double breasted." "What size are you?" he asked. I said,
"I'm not sure." He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and asked, "Do
you work out?" I said, "Yes, I do." He said, "I thought so. You will need a
suit that has an athletic cut."

I smiled and felt the rush of esteem. I knew he was attempting to sell me a
suit, and it worked. I took the bait and he reeled me in. It was something
so simple yet so powerful. Yes, I did go home that day with a new suit.

An experiment testing the effects of praise on a group of men in North

Carolina was very insightful. The men received different types of
comments from someone who needed a favor from them. The comments
were either positive, negative, or a mixture of both. As you might expect,
the person giving the positive comments was liked the best. Secondly, this
conclusion held true even when the men knew their "complimenter" was
seeking a favor. Finally, unlike the other types of comments, pure praise
did not have to be accurate to work. Positive comments produced just as
much liking toward the flatterer when they were untrue as when they were
true.[12] Strive to be sincere in your praise, although flattery works even
when it is not sincere.

The following example shows the immense strength that praise has. At a
small college in Virginia, twenty-four students in a psychology course
decided to see whether they could use compliments to change the way the
women on campus dressed. For a while, they complimented all the female
students who wore blue. The percentage of the female student population
wearing blue rose from 25 percent to 38 percent. The researchers then
switched to complimenting any woman who wore red. This caused the
appearance of red on campus to double, from 11 percent to 22 percent.
These results indicate that when you favorably comment on behavior, that
behavior will increase.

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Praise can also cause people to change their minds. In another study,
student essays were randomly given high or low marks. When surveyed,
the students who had gotten A's tended to lean even more favorably in the
direction of the positions they had advocated in their essays. Students who
had received failing marks, however, did not stand behind their previous
positions as willingly.

When we show people that they are important, we can persuade them to
do many things. In elementary schools, teachers will dub a child to be the
king or queen for the day. The king receives a crown and the other
students write notes of praise. Children keep these sayings for years to
come, proof that no matter our age, we crave praise, recognition, and
acceptance. For example, Andrew Carnegie devised a plan to sell his steel
to the Pennsylvania Railroad. When he built a new steel mill in
Pittsburgh, he named it the J. Edgar Thompson Steel Works, after the
president of the Pennsylvania Railroad. Thompson was so flattered by the
honor that he thereafter purchased steel exclusively from Carnegie.

The greatest car salesman in the world sends 13,000 former customers a
card every month that simply says, "I like you," and then signs his name.
You can calculate the expense, but this is the backbone of his business.
No one has sold more cars than Joe Girard.

Of course, there is an opposite effect that also lasts a lifetime. I heard a

story of a young lady who wanted to learn how to dance. She went to take
lessons but she was having a hard time. The dance steps were unfamiliar
and awkward for someone who had never danced before. The instructor
gave her a few lessons and then unsympathetically said, "You dance like a
hippo. You will never be a good dancer." This one comment kept the
young lady off the dance floor for the rest of her life.

One negative comment has more power than ten positive comments. I can
give a give seminar and have twenty people come up to me and praise me.
But it is the one person in the front row, the one who had a sour face the
whole time, whom I will remember. Just keep in mind that the use of
praise affects the very core of our beings, so use it with caution.
[12]D. Drachman, A. DeCarufel, and C. Insko, "The Extra Credit Effect in Inter-
Personal Attraction," Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (1978): 458
467.

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Acceptance

Closely related to praise is acceptance. We all long for acceptance. We

want to feel like our actions and contributions help an effort or cause. We
want to be noticed by others. We all want to be someone of significance
who is held in high regard. Knowing this, you can help your listeners and
prospects feel that their help is appreciated, that they are personally
accepted, and that their contributions are essential. When they feel
accepted unconditionally, with no strings attached, their doubts, fears, and
inadequacies will go out the window. Be kind, don't patronize, and be
genuine in your acceptance have it come from your heart. When that
sense of belonging is established, you have tapped into a basic human
need.

Have you ever watched a politician on the campaign trail? You always see
it on television. Amidst the throngs of people, the candidate strives to
shake hands and look into the eyes of as many individual people as
possible. He wants his supporters to feel that their individual efforts
contribute to the cause, that without their help, the cause would be lost.
This personal touch boosts morale so that everyone wants to help out and
will not rest until the candidate who reached out and shook their hand
secures the victory.

Never criticize people you want to persuade or influence. It damages your

relationship and destroys the connection you have with them. Instead, use
praise and appreciation to increase acceptance and self-confidence. Many
times an overly zealous boss destroys any possibility for loyalty and
genuine compliance by telling subordinates why their ideas are stupid and
will never work. Little does he know that these belittling comments will
only make his staff cling to their own ideas and resent his even more.

One way to make people feel accepted is to offer genuine thanks. Seek to
make a conscientious and deliberate effort to thank people. Don't assume
they know you care and appreciate them. Don't make the mistake of
thinking that a paycheck is thanks enough. One of the main reasons
people are dissatisfied with their jobs is because they are never thanked or
given any recognition for their efforts. It might seem unnatural to use
thanks and gratitude, since most people were not raised in an environment
where doing so was commonplace, but it's worth the effort to learn how to
dole out thanks effectively.

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Often individuals increase their feelings of acceptance by building their
association with certain people, places, or things. This has been referred to
as the Social Identity Theory.[13] For example, a sports fan may increase
his self-esteem by plastering his walls with his favorite team's sports
paraphernalia. Even though no one on that team has any clue who this Joe
Schmo is, he feels better about himself anyway, just because of the
association and identity he has created for himself with the team.
Thinking back, why was it such a life-or-death situation to belong to
social groups in high school? A sense of belonging is even more
important to us as adults. Whom you know and what you have are in
direct correlation to your self-esteem and acceptance.
[13]M. Tesser, Advanced Social Psychology (New York: McGraw-Hill, 1995).

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Chapter 13
The Rule of Association
Create the Climate
Overview

It's not the situation. It's your reaction to the situation.

BOB CONKLIN

To maintain order of the world, our brains link objects, gestures, and
symbols with our feelings, memories, and life experiences. We mentally
associate ourselves with such things as endorsements, sights, sounds,
colors, music, and symbols, just to name a few. This association allows us
to make judgment calls when we don't have the required time to do
thorough research.

Persuaders take advantage of association to evoke positive feelings and

thoughts that correspond with the message they are trying to convey. In
this sense, you, as a persuader, can actually arouse a certain feeling in
your audience by finding the right association key to unlock the door.
Associations are not the same for all people obviously, each person has
their own set of triggers. However, once you understand the general rules,
you can find the right associations to match any prospect. And of course,
some associations are universal for an entire culture.

The Rule of Association is constantly at work. If an audience likes a

picture, a logo, or a musical jingle that appears in an advertisement for a
product, they also tend to like the product. Why is it we must dress up for
a job interview? It is because we know a slovenly appearance will bring
into bearing certain unwanted assumptions or associations about us. Have
you ever heard about past cultures where the messenger was actually
killed when he brought back bad news? Why do you think it is that
restaurants decorate a certain way, have their lighting a certain way, and
play certain types of music? All these things are defined in the Rule of
Association.

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I remember having a corporate credit card when I was working for a
certain unnamed corporation. The company had a nasty habit of not
paying their bills. One day I got a phone call from a collection agency
claiming that because my name was on the credit card, I was responsible
for making the payments due. I informed the representative of the
situation, but he was quite persistent. Of course, I was not responsible, but
the interesting association was that the representative's name was Thor,
the god of thunder (or so he said). The point is that if you want to create
the feeling of a tough, persistent, strong person, then Thor is the perfect
name to go by. Suppose his name had been Stanley or Herbert or Shannon
instead? Not quite as threatening, are they?

The Amazing Power of Endorsements

We all know what endorsements are: Companies use famous people to

pitch their products so we'll associate that individual and their success
with the product. For example, Bill Cosby endorses Jell-O and Kodak,
Michael Jordan pitches for Nike and Hanes underwear, and Tiger Woods
does ads for Nike golf balls and Buick automobiles. We tend to like
products, services, and ideas that are endorsed by people we like,
regardless of the quality of the product. Sometimes, we will even buy a
product for the first time simply based on a celebrity endorsement.

We naturally want to be associated with fame, fortune, and success. That

is why we follow the lead of celebrities we admire, respect, and like. It's
also why we use the products they endorse. It is amazing to see teenagers
ignore their parents' warnings about drugs, but when their favorite star or
professional athlete says it's not cool, they stop. This is the power of
association.

All in all, the use of celebrities to endorse products is one of the most
popular and effective associations marketers and advertisers use. Why do
corporations spend tremendous resources to find the right spokesperson to
bring the right association to their products? We hold our beliefs and
attitudes to define and make sense of who we are. By shaving with the
right razor or eating the right cereal, we are saying, "I am just like that
ball player; I am part of the attractive "in group." By purchasing the "right
stuff," we enhance our own egos. We rationalize away our inadequacies
as we become just like our favorite celebrity."[1]

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The critical factor in using a celebrity endorsement is creating an
emotional tie or association between the consumer and the
athlete/celebrity. The athlete or celebrity's positive associations have been
transferred to the product or service.[2] Wearing the same shoes or
driving the same car as their hero allows consumers to identify and
associate with their idols.

There is a downside to using celebrities to promote products and services,

however. Anytime a celebrity gets negative press, that association also
tends to carry over to the products and companies they promote. In such
cases, depending on the severity of the circumstances, the celebrities are
usually dropped like hot potatoes. Michael Jackson was once an endorser
for Pepsi until he was accused of child molestation. The company was
quick to pair its product with someone else. Tonya Harding, the Olympic
figure skater, was a Nike endorser until she was convicted of assault on
fellow skater Nancy Kerrigan. Mike Tyson was also an endorser for Pepsi
until he was convicted of rape. O.J. Simpson was once the spokesman for
Hertz car rentals until he went on trial for a double murder.
[1]A. Pratkanis and E. Aronson, Age of Propaganda (New York: W. H. Freeman
and Company, 1992), p. 93.
[2]G. E. Belch and M. A. Belch, Advertising and Promotion: An Integrated
Marketing Communications Perspective (New York: McGraw-Hill, 1998).

Anchors: Capture the Feeling

Anchoring is a technique that captures the feelings, memories, and

emotions of certain events, places, or things. The psychology behind the
technique lies in the use of elements from a previous situation or
circumstance to replay the emotions and feelings of that experience.

An anchor can be anything that brings up a thought or feeling and reminds

you of something you have previously experienced. It will usually
reproduce the exact emotion or feeling you experienced at the time.
Remember the experiment of Pavlov's dog? It's the same idea: You use a
certain stimulus to create an association that will bring about a particular
response. An anchor can be produced either externally or internally.
Anchors don't have to be conditioned over a period of several years to be
established. They can be learned in a single event. The more powerful the
experience, the stronger the anchor will be. Phobias are an excellent
example: Most phobias are established after one single, intense
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experience. Here we'll talk about three different sets of anchors: smells,
music, and symbols. There are other elements (sights and taste) that can
be used as anchors, but these three anchors are the most powerful stimuli
in evoking memories in our minds.

Smells: The Aroma of Persuasion

Our sense of smell is so powerful that it can quickly trigger associations

with memories and emotions. Our olfactory system is a primitive sense
that is wired directly to the center of our brain. By four to six weeks,
infants can tell the difference between their own mother's scent and that of
a stranger.[3]

Almost everyone has experienced situations in which a smell evoked a

nostalgic (or not so nostalgic) memory. Think of the smells that take you
back to your childhood. For some it is the smell of fresh baked bread, of
freshly cut grass, or of the neighborhood swimming pool, etc. You can go
back fifty years in a matter of seconds with the sense of smell.

Fragrances, aromas, and odors trigger memories, feelings, and attitudes in

our minds. Smell can enhance or reinforce desired responses as well as
positive and negative moods. There are multiple examples of this.
Supermarkets with bakeries fill the air with the warm aroma of breads and
coffee. Some children's stores send baby powder through the air ducts.
When you walk through the mall, the food merchants will make sure you
smell their cookies, cinnamon rolls, and Chinese food. Real estate agents
are famous for having homeowners bake bread before they have interested
buyers tour the house. Large amusement parks will pipe in certain scents
at certain times of the day to trigger responses and get immediate reaction.
The use of smell in these instances is an attempt to link the seller's
products and services with a positive attitude, thereby inducing the
shopper to buy. In the same way, you can link positive smells with your
message to create a positive attitude in your prospects.

There have been numerous studies conducted on the bearing scent and
fragrance have on association. A 1983 study conducted among
undergraduate students found that female students wearing perfume were
rated as more attractive by male students.[4] Scents were even found to
improve scores on job evaluations in a study published by the Journal of
Applied Psychology.[5] Of course, offensive odors can also be used (and
actually have been used) to evoke a negative response. This technique was
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once used while campaign committees were rating and appraising
political slogans. Not surprisingly, ratings for the slogans went down.[6]

Music: Feel the Beat

Music is much like smells in that our brains link music with attitudes and
experiences from our past. Music is closely tied to our emotions. Think of
the theme music from Rocky and then think of Jaws; the two movie
themes evoke different emotions, don't they? Local gyms pipe upbeat
music outside to get passersby to associate it with high energy and good
times inside. In one case, a local convenience store had problems with
teenagers loitering outside. The store owners wanted the teenagers
business, but didn't want the drugs and fights that seemed to go with it.
They decided to play a Frank Sinatra song outside the store and soon
found that the teenagers voluntarily stopped loitering.[7] You may still
remember the particular song that played during the dance with your high
school flame. Music has a powerful pull on us and triggers instant
memories.

Because music is so powerful, persuaders need to carefully select the

music they're going to use. Advertisers often use a popular song or a
catchy jingle. Notice the next time you watch television how many songs
you recognize from all the commercials you will be surprised. Every
time the ad is played, the tune reinforces the product's appeal. Music is
universal because it has the power to evoke the emotions shared by all of
humanity. We know music can soothe the savage beast or create instant
energy and excitement.

The Might of Symbols

We live in an especially symbolic world. Symbols bypass our thoughts

and our logic and they affect our perceptions and behaviors. Take gold,
for example. As one of the world's most precious metals, gold is very
symbolic of wealth and success. Countless stories are told of the search
for gold. But, if you stop and think about it, there are other precious
metals that are harder to find and far more precious. Gold, however, just
holds a certain symbolism; it denotes success and wealth.

Symbols can also help us understand and feel a message without actually
having to undergo the experience. For example, a skull and crossbones on
poison says it all we don't have to ingest the poison to know of the fatal
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experience. The simple symbol of a red stop sign triggers an automatic
response. For many, the sight of a police car on the highway will also
trigger the automatic braking response.

Think of these symbols as you read the list and pay attention to the
feelings, memories, attitudes, and experiences they trigger in your mind:
Crucifix
Star of David
Statue of Liberty
World Trade Center
American flag
Swastika
Military uniform
Olympic symbols
Wedding dress
Christmas tree
When you are trying to mold attitude as a persuader, it is useful to know
how symbols shape the attitudes of your audience. Make careful study and
research of the symbols you want to use before you employ them. If used
well, they will influence your audience's feelings and behavior to your
benefit. Marketing and advertising executives use symbols in a very
sophisticated way to manipulate consumers. For example, did you know
that the average child recognizes McDonald's' arches before he or she is
even twenty months old?[8] There are symbols of freedom, symbols of
success, and symbols of poverty. Find and use the symbols you need to
create the proper association with your prospect.

[3]M. Schleidt and B. Hold, "Human Odour and Identity," in Olfaction and
Endocrine Regulation, W. Breipohl, editor (London: IRL Press, 1982), pp. 181
194.
[4]Robert A. Baron, "Sweet Smell of Success: The Impact of Pleasant Artificial
Scents on Evaluations of Job Applicants," Journal of Applied Psychology 68
(1983): 709713.
[5]Ibid.
[6]G. H. S. Razran, "Conditioned Response Changes in Rating and Appraising
Sociopolitical Slogans," Psychological Bulletin 37 (1940): 481.
[7]Doug Murphy. See:
www.ahwatukee.com/afn/community/articles/010704b.html
[8]David Leonhardt, with Kathleen Kerwin, "Hey Kid, Buy This!" Business
Week, June 30, 1997.
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Affiliation: Create the Link

Another aspect of the Rule of Association is the use of affiliation.

Persuaders want you to affiliate their company with positive images,
feelings, and attitudes. We tend to affiliate our feelings with our
surroundings and environment and then transfer our feelings to those we
are with.

For example, one frequently used technique is to take the prospect to

lunch. Why? Because people like whom they are with and what they
experience while they are eating (if the food and company are good). The
idea is to link something positive in the environment with your message.
For example, a good game of golf, a weekend at the beach, NFL tickets,
or an exotic cruise would all typically build positive associations and
feelings in your prospects. Do you remember ever noticing how, after a
crushing victory, sweatshirts sporting the university's logo were seen all
over the place? People want to be associated with winners. In fact, a study
showed that when a university football team won, more students would
wear that college's sweatshirts. The bigger the victory, the more college
sweatshirts become visible. When you bring positive stimuli into the
situation, you will be associated with the pleasant feeling you have
created.

We are now going to discuss the four different affiliation techniques that
are most often used: advertising, sponsorships, images, and color. Each of
these has a unique role in affiliation.

Advertising: The Billion Dollar Persuasive Industry

Advertisers and marketers use affiliation to evoke valuable associations in

the minds of their prospects. They know that babies and puppy dogs
automatically carry great associations of warmth and comfort in the minds
of their audience. Consequently, we see tire commercials with babies and
car commercials with puppies, even though cars and tires aren't really
warm and cuddly. These warm appeals grab our attention and create
positive associations in our mind.

Want some other examples? Consider some of the popular slogans: "Like
a good neighbor," "The same as home-style cooking," "Like a rock," and
"The breakfast of champions." Using slogans in this way, marketers are
able to readily create positive feelings and associations without having to
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create a new image. They simply create even stronger and more positive
associations with what already exists.

One of the most common examples of advertising affiliation occurs in the

alcohol and cigarette industries. How often do you see a lung cancer
patient in a cigarette ad? Instead, advertisers in these industries use young
vibrant people who are in the prime of their lives. The beer companies
want you to associate drinking beer with having fun and attracting the
opposite sex. Their ads portray images of men and women having fun,
while surrounded by beer. Their message is, "If you aren't drinking, you
aren't having fun." On an intellectual level, we all know that these are just
advertisements, but the associations they arouse in us stick in our minds.

When companies need to change their image, they usually find a good
cause to latch on to. They will typically find a good social or
environmental issue they can tap into. For example, an ice cream
company advertises their support for an environmental movement, or
yogurt companies start a campaign to stop breast cancer. You also see
patriotic endorsements being employed to create a positive association in
your mind. The simple sight of the American flag, or the phrases "Buy
American" and "Made in America," can trigger instant positive
associations.

In the 1970s, the big American car still dominated the U.S. automobile
scene. American carmakers had no fear of imported automobiles. There
was a tradition in most families to always buy the same make of car.
Imports were associated with being cheap, unreliable, and a waste of
money. When the baby boomers came along, however, they became better
educated and they refused to blindly follow the guidelines laid out by their
parents. They viewed imports as having better gas mileage, greater
reliability, and lower prices. During the oil crisis of the 1970s, the
negative association shifted suddenly from foreign cars to gas-guzzling
American-made cars, and the rest is history. American carmakers were
almost put out of business by this shift, and they, still to this day, lose big
market share to imported cars. As the tide turned, American car
companies had to learn to make new associations with their cars.

Sponsorship: Lasting Impact

Closely related to advertising is the notion of sponsorship. Companies and

organizations sponsor events that they believe will produce a positive
367
association in the eyes of the public. They hope this positive association
will transfer over to their company. The Olympic Games pull huge
sponsorships companies pay big money to get their name and products
associated with the Olympics. What company wouldn't want to be
associated with peace, unity, perseverance, determination, success, and
winning the gold? The affiliations that companies create for us are very
strong and memorable.

Let's try an experiment: Think about the following beverages and pay
attention to the images that come to your mind while you do so.
Dr. Pepper
Pepsi
Budweiser
Schlitz
Heineken
7-up
Coke
Coors
Try doing the same thing with the following cars:
Volvo
Toyota
Mercedes
Rolls Royce
Hyundai
Chevy
Ford
Porsche
Now try it with these companies and institutions:
Welfare Department
IRS
American Red Cross
Microsoft
Enron
DMV
Exxon
FBI
The companies themselves created these images and aroused feelings in
you. Of course, we are affected by our environment and our experience,
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but we are also affected by the images these companies create for
themselves and their products. Everything we buy symbolizes something.

Images: How to Get Through Their Guard

The images we see create attitudes within us. It is no random accident that
most U.S. presidents have pet dogs in the White House. Consciously and
unconsciously, we believe a loving, obedient, trusting dog creates a
positive image of its owner. Voters would be more likely to reject a
politician who preferred cats, hamsters, snakes, ferrets, or tarantulas.

It really isn't a secret that we are abundantly influenced by imagery when

making everyday decisions. We are much more likely to donate to
someone wearing a Santa Claus suit than to someone in street attire. We
are more trusting of a sales rep wearing a gold cross around his neck.
Sports bars decorate their walls with jerseys and other sports
paraphernalia.

Credit card companies are among the greatest users of imagery and
association. Because credit cards give us immediate gratification without
us having to face the negative consequences until weeks later, we often
think of the perceived positive associations before the negative ones.
Consumer researcher Richard Feinberg conducted several different
studies testing the effects credit cards had on our spending habits. He
came across some very interesting results. For example, he found that
restaurant patrons gave higher tips when using a credit card as opposed to
cash. In another case, consumers were found to show a 29 percent
increase in their willingness to spend when the merchandise was
examined in a room displaying MasterCard signs. More interesting still
was the fact that the subjects were unaware that the MasterCard signs
were an intentional and calculated part of the experiment.

Feinberg discovered the same results when subjects were asked to donate
to a charity. When the room contained the MasterCard insignias, 87
percent donated, as compared to only 33 percent donating when the room
did not contain such signs. Ironically, credit cards were not accepted for
making donations. The study produced startling evidence of how
associations can be used to create greater compliance. A simple image,
with its related associations, caused the subjects to be more liberal with
the cash they had on hand.[9]

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Color Triggers

Countless hours of research indicate that color does matter. Notice how
fast food restaurants, schools, and professional sports teams all choose
certain colors that "represent" them. You already know that colors can
suggest a mood or attitude, but did you also know that color accounts for
60 percent of the acceptance or rejection of an object or a person?[10]
These impressions don't change overnight. We all have automatic color
triggers and hidden associations about various colors. Color impacts our
thinking, our actions, and our reactions. Armed with this knowledge, we
must take into account the association of colors in our persuasion and
marketing efforts.

Color is a great persuasive device. Since we don't perceive what is

happening, we don't develop a resistance to persuasive color techniques.
This process happens at a completely subconscious level. Color is critical
in marketing, in advertising, and in product packaging. Colors are not just
for appearance they have significance. The favorite food colors are red,
yellow, orange, and brown.[11] These colors trigger automatic responses
in our nervous system and stimulate our appetite. Fast food restaurants
decorate with shades of red, yellow, and orange. These hues are known as
"arousal colors" because they stimulate the appetite and encourage you to
eat faster. Compare these bright colors to the calming colors found in fine
restaurants. These restaurants tend to use greens and blues in their design
schemes, colors which encourage you to stay and linger.

Colors can also be used to attract our attention. The shades that grab our
attention are reds and oranges. The challenge is that each color has
multiple meanings; one person might draw one meaning while another
person might conclude an entirely different meaning. Red can be exciting
to one group and mean "unprofitable" to another. To others it could signal
"stop" or "danger." Red can denote boldness, aggressiveness, and
extroversion, but it also represents anger, danger, sin, and blood. Yellow
is known as a fast color and is the first color to register in the brain.
Yellow causes you to be alert and watchful. The results of such research
explain why new fire trucks and fire hydrants are being painted yellow.
An interesting study on the use of color occurred at the U.S. Naval
Correctional Center in Seattle, Washington. The entire holding cell was
painted pink, except for the floor. Many inmates at this stage of
confinement were hostile and violent. The cell was painted pink to see

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whether the color would have a calming effect on the prisoners. Each
person was only held ten to fifteen minutes a day in these pink cells. After
156 days of constant use, there were no incidents of erratic behavior in the
inmates.[12]

What about the color of the pills you take? Research has shown that the
color of medicine can change the perception or association of the pill.
When scientists studied the drugs people took and the associations they
formed of them based on their colors, they found that most people felt
white pills were weak while black ones were strong. In another study,
researchers gave blue and pink placebos to medical students, who were
told the pills were either stimulants or sedatives. The students taking the
pink pills felt more energy while the students taking the blue pills felt
drowsy.

Color even enhances the perceived flavor and desirability of the food we
eat. For example, orange juice with enhanced orange hue was preferred
over naturally colored orange juice and was thought to be sweeter. This
was also true for strawberries, raspberries, and tomatoes. The redder they
looked, the more they were preferred.[13]

In one experiment, the flavor of coffee was manipulated by the color of

the serving container. Two hundred people were asked to judge coffee
served out of four different containers red, blue, brown, and yellow.
All containers contained the same brand of coffee, yet the coffee in the
yellow container was found to be "too weak." The blue container coffee
was dubbed "too mild." Seventy-five percent of respondents found the
coffee in the brown container to be "too strong" while 85 percent found
the red container coffee to be "rich and full-bodied."[14] A similar
experiment was also done with women and facial creams. Subjects were
given pink and white face creams, which were identical except for their
color. One hundred percent of the women surveyed said that the pink
cream was more effective and milder on sensitive skin.[15]

In another experiment, researchers gave subjects laundry detergent to test

for quality. Of course, all of the boxes contained the exact same detergent,
but the outsides of the boxes were different colors. The test colors were
yellow, blue, and a combination of both. After a two-week testing period,
the test groups reported that the soap in the yellow boxes was "too harsh"
and the detergent in the blue boxes was "too weak." The detergent in the
combination yellow and blue boxes was "just right." The findings
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indicated that the yellow represented strength while the blue represented
antiseptic power.[16]

Original research into Cheer laundry detergent produced similar results.

Louis Cheskin conducted research on three different color flecks in Cheer:
red, blue, and yellow. Again, the detergent was the same, but the colors
were different. As the research unfolded, subjects determined that the
yellow flecks did not clean clothes enough, the red flecks were too strong,
and the blue flecks were best for cleaning clothes. Colors play a large role
in the success of a product, its packaging, or its persuasive ability. Color
communicates and triggers emotions, moods, thoughts, and actions, all
without words.[18]

Explore the following list to see some common color associations:

Red: strength, power, anger, danger, aggression, excitement
Blue: coolness, truth, loyalty, harmony, devotion, serenity,
relaxation
Yellow: brightness, intelligence, hostility, wiseness, cheerfulness,
loudness
Green: peacefulness, tranquility, youthfulness, prosperity, money,
endurance, growth, hopefulness
Orange: brightness, unpleasantness, sun, warmth, bravery,
invigoration, radiation, communication
Purple: royalty, passion, authority, stateliness, integrity,
mysticalness, dignity
White: plainness, purity, coldness, cleanliness, innocence,
hygiene
Black: desperation, wickedness, futility, mysteriousness, death,
evilness
Gray: neutrality, nothingness, indecision, depression, dullness,
technology, impersonality

[9]R. Feinberg, "Credit Cards As Spending Facilitation Stimuli," Journal of

Consumer Research (1986): 348356.

[10,11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18]: K. Fehrman and C. Fehrman, Color: The Secret
Influence (Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice Hall, 2000), 141.

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Use Association to Persuade and Influence

The Rule of Association is a powerful tool in helping you influence and

persuade your audience. If used correctly, you will be able to create the
desired feelings, emotions, and behavior in your prospects. It is in this
way that you can use association to bring about the best experiences and
create a persuasive environment. Whatever your subject is drawn to,
impressed by, or desirous of, seek to incorporate it into your message,
your product, or your service.

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374
Chapter 14
The Rule of Balance
Logical Mind vs. Emotional Heart

Overview

When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creaturesof
logic, but with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudiceand
motivated by pride and vanity.

DALE CARNEGIE

In persuasion, your message has to focus on emotions, all the while

maintaining a balance between logic and feelings. Logic and emotion are
the two elements that make for perfect persuasion. We can be persuasive
using only logic or only emotion, but the effect will be short-term and
unbalanced.

Emotions create movement and action. They generate energy during the
presentation and get prospects to act on the proposal being presented. The
challenge with relying exclusively on emotion to persuade your prospect
is that after she has left the persuasive situation, her emotions fade,
leaving her with nothing concrete to fall back on. Logic plays the role of
creating a foundation for emotion. This balance between logic and
emotion could be called the twin engines of persuasion and influence.
Persuaders know that each audience and individual has a different balance
between logic and emotion. Your analytical type personalities need more
logic than emotion. Your amiable personalities require more emotion and
less logic. Always remember, you have to have both elements present in
your message, regardless of the personality types listening.

In most persuasive situations, people react based on emotions, then justify

their actions with logic and fact. A message that is completely based on
emotion will often set off alarm bells on the logical side. On the other
hand, a logical message with no appeal to emotion doesn't create a strong
enough response in the audience. An effective persuader will create a
proper balance between logic and emotion in order to create the perfect
persuasive message.

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We are persuaded by reason, but we are moved by emotion. Several
studies conclude that up to 90 percent of the decisions we make are based
on emotion. We use logic to justify our actions to ourselves and to others.
Take note that emotion will always win over logic and that imagination
will always win over reality. Think about talking to children about their
fear of the dark, or to someone about their phobia of snakes. You know it
is useless to use logic to persuade them that their thoughts and actions
don't make sense. They are still convinced that there is a problem.

This emotional pattern can also be seen in the way we buy and even in the
way we convince ourselves of something. Our heads see the numbers and
tell us to stick with a car that's more modestly priced, while our hearts see
the gleaming sports car, telling us to go home with a Jaguar. Our heads
tell us it's ridiculous to buy another pair of shoes since we already have
fourteen pairs. We may even realize that no one is going to notice or care
about the new shoes as much as we will. But our hearts win out, thinking
of all the stunning new outfits these shoes will go with, and we go home
with the new shoebox tucked under our arms. Our heads tell us not to
believe everything we hear, that politicians are a bunch of liars, but our
hearts are won over by their impassioned speeches.

Logic: What Stirs an Audience

Are we rational human beings? Do we follow all forms of logic? Do we

only act if it feels right? Do we even want the facts all the time? Have you
ever tried to persuade an emotional person with logic? We generally think
we make decisions based on facts, but truly this is not the case. It has been
found that when people agree with a particular message, they tend to
perceive it as being more logical or rational. On the other hand, when
people disagree with the message, they perceive it as an emotional
plea.[1] The truth is that that our decision-making process relies on a
mixture between emotion and its partner, logic. However, we cannot rely
entirely on emotion until our logical side has been engaged.

In one study, twenty-one students prepared speeches that were written

from either a logical or an emotional standpoint. The speeches were
presented, filmed, and then evaluated by other college students.
Interestingly, there was no real consistency in the findings except that
speeches bearing a message that the evaluator agreed with were rated as
more rational (even if they were intended to be emotional), while those
the evaluator did not agree with were considered to be more emotional
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(even though some of those were intended to be logical). It seemed that
whether a speech was considered logical or emotional depended on the
listener. Researchers also concluded that, as a general rule, people seem
unable to consistently distinguish between logical and emotional
appeals.[2]

The logical side of an argument appeals to our reason. Reasoning is the

process of drawing a conclusion based on evidence. For an argument to be
legitimate, it has to be true and valid, and logical reasoning must be used
to back it up. Many persuaders and marketers use faulty forms of logic,
leaving gaping holes that require the audience to make assumptions and
fill in the blanks. These are called logical fallacies. A fallacy is, very
generally, an error in reasoning. It differs from a factual error, which is
simply being wrong about the facts. In other words, a fallacy is an
"argument" in which the premises don't completely support the
conclusion. In the next section, some of the most common logical
fallacies are outlined.
[1]Arthur Lefford, "The Influence of Emotional Subject Matter on Logical
Reading," Journal of General Psychology 34 (1946): 127151.

[2]Randall Reuchelle, "An Experimental Study of Audience Recognition of

Emotional and Intellectual Appeals in Persuasion," Speech Monographs 25, 1
(1958): 4957.

Common Logical Fallacies

1. Faulty Cause: assumes that because one thing follows another, the
second thing was definitively caused by the first also known as
the post hoc, ergo propter hoc fallacy. Example: Shawn broke his
mother's mirror, and sure enough, he was in a car wreck the next
week.

2. Sweeping Generalization: assumes that what is true in most cases

must be true in all cases. Example: We can't hire this candidate
because he's an ex-felon, and studies show that most ex-felons
experience relapses.

3. Hasty Generalization: assumes that a small piece of information is

soundly representative of the whole situation. Example: I don't

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 like Thai food at all. The food I tried at this one Thai restaurant
just was terrible and I was sick for days.

4. Faulty Analogy: assumes that if two things are alike in some ways,
they must be alike in all ways. Example: Britney Spears and
Christina Aguilera dress the same and sing the same type of
music, so they must have very similar personalities.

5. Faulty Sign: assumes that one event is a reliable predictor of

another. Example: That guy is wearing a big Starter jacket, has a
tattoo, and wears baggy pants. He's probably a gang member.

6. Tautology: defines an argument in a manner that makes it

impossible to disprove. Example: You are a disagreeable person
and, if you disagree with me, it will just prove even more how
disagreeable you are.

7. Appeal to Authority: justifies an argument by citing a famous or

popular person who also supports the argument. Example: Those
shoes are great for Michael Jordan, so they'll be great for me.

8. Slippery Slope: assumes that a particular step invariably leads to

similar steps, culminating with a negative outcome. Example: If I
let one student hand in their paper late, then I'll have to let others
hand theirs in late, too, and before you know it, everyone will be
begging for an extension.

9. Red Herring: attempts to divert attention away from the real issue.
Example: When accused by his wife of cheating at cards, Frank
says, "Nothing I do ever pleases you. I spent a whole week
cleaning out the garage, and then all you did was complain about
how I'd reorganized it."

10. Appeal to Ignorance: uses a person's inability to disprove a claim

as proof that the claim is right. Example: We know there are
people living on other planets in other galaxies because no one
can prove that there are not.

Evidence and Logic

Reasoning is a powerful tool for the mind, but strong, concrete evidence
should be the cornerstone of a logical speech. Evidence not only makes an
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argument ring true in persuasive situations, but it also substantially
enhances your credibility. There are four major types of evidence:
testimony, statistics, analogies, and examples. You will strengthen your
position when you use elements of all four forms, rather than depending
on only one. When you provide proof in this manner, you remove doubts
that may linger in your audience's mind.

Testimony

Your audience wants to know what the experts say about you or your
topic. Testimony is the judgment or opinions of others considered experts
in the particular field or area of interest. A testimony can be a quote, an
interview, or an endorsement from a credible person. It can be implied
with someone's presence (attending your event), picture (on your
product), or signature (on your product).

Statistics

Statistics are numerical proofs of your claims. For example, "this

demographic uses . . ." or "four out of five dentists recommend. . . ."
Using graphs and charts makes statistics more memorable and leaves a
greater impression on the listener.

Some people are suspicious of statistical proof, so make sure your

statistics are credible and sound. Know where you got them and who did
the research. People know you can arrange statistics to say just about
anything. Use statistics sparingly and only in conjunction with other
forms of evidence. Besides, a roll of statistics can be very boring.

Analogies

Analogies have a great impact in the mind of the receiver. They enable
you to make your points quickly and easily in a way that prospects will
understand immediately. ("Installing our new home security system is like
having a police officer standing guard on your front porch twenty-four
hours a day.") Analogies allow you to present a new and foreign idea and
compare it with something similar that your prospects can relate to in their
own lives. Analogies can also give us a new perspective on an old
concept.

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Examples

Examples can really make your evidence come alive. We love to relate to
examples that bridge the gap between logic and our personal lives. Your
prospects understand examples at a deeper level because they are based
on common experiences and interpretations of meaning. Examples can be
real or hypothetical and can include quotations, personal accounts,
physical evidence, empirical studies, or published reports.

Compelling Evidence

As you prepare your message, understand that we humans aren't capable

of absorbing all of the information you can gather. We are hit with data all
day long and most of the time we don't absorb it. In fact, we are very
selective in what we allow ourselves to retain. When we hit information
overload, we turn our minds off and retain nothing.

A study on comprehension of television messages produced very

revealing results. After watching commercials and other forms of
messages, an amazing 97 percent of viewers misunderstood some part of
every message they saw. On average, viewers misunderstood about 30
percent of the overall content they viewed.[3] Information is just poured
out too fast. The evidence that you choose must be selective, precise, and
powerful. You can't afford to bombard your audience with too much
information.

When creating the logical side of your message, you have to understand
the concept of the number seven. This is also known as channel capacity,
which is the amount of room in our brains capable of storing various
kinds of information. George Miller, professor of psychology at Princeton
University, wrote, "There seems to be some limitation built into us either
by learning or by the design of our nervous systems, a limit that keeps our
channel capacities in this general range."[4] There is only so much room
in your prospect's brain to absorb logical numbers and information. This is
why phone numbers only have seven digits.

Spend the time necessary to fully research the types of evidence you want
to use to strengthen your arguments. You already know that using the
right evidence from the right sources greatly increases the credibility of
your message. However, the opposite is also true; poor or irrelevant

380
evidence undermines the credibility of your message. When compiling
evidence, consider the following:

1. Use evidence supported by an independent expert rather than facts

presented alone.

2. Statistical evidence will be more persuasive when paired with

individual case studies.

3. Document the sources of all testimonials.

4. Use new information. Updated data with new facts or research is

often more convincing than old data.

5. Use evidence consistent with your audience's beliefs. It will be

more persuasive because they'll evaluate everything from their
own perspectives and attitudes.

6. Build credibility by also acknowledging and even including the

other side of the argument. A two-way discussion will bear far
more weight than a one-sided lecture.[5]

Evidence works best when it is suited to the audience and their

experience. Consider the following presentation points:[6]

1. Referring to evidence as fact increases its weight.

2. Evidence that is verifiable will always be more persuasive.

3. Evidence that is specific will always be more persuasive.

4. Unbiased testimony is more persuasive than a biased one.

5. Personal experience is more persuasive than not having any

personal experience.

6. Presenters who have not yet established their credibility will

benefit more from the use of evidence than those with established
credibility.

7. Evidence is especially important when the audience is unfamiliar

with the topic.

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 8. Factual evidence is particularly persuasive when the audience
consists of highly intelligent people.

9. Evidence is more persuasive when you provide not only the

sources, but also their qualifications.

10. Evidence is more persuasive when you confirm an audience's

beliefs.

[3]Gerard Tellis, Advertising and Sales Promotion Strategy (Reading,

Mass.: Addison-Wesley, 1998), p. 138.
[4]George Miller, "The Magical Number of Seven," Psychological
Review 63, 2 (1956).
[5]Charles Larson, Persuasion (Belmont, Calif.: Wadsworth,1995), pp.
222 225.
[6]J. C. McCroskey, "A Summary of Experimental Research on the
Effects of Evidence in Persuasive Communication," Quarterly Journal of
Speech 55 (1969): 169176.

Emotion: Winning People's Hearts

Whereas logic is the language of the conscious mind, emotion is the

language of the unconscious mind. We know that emotions are reactions
to perceived and imagined stimuli, not based on logic, but on one's own
personal experiences. Emotions often outweigh our logic. Imagine placing
a plank of wood on the ground and walking its length a few times. Easy
enough, right? But suppose you placed it a hundred feet in the air between
two buildings. You know you can walk that plank you just did it over
and over again. Yet now, emotions and fears outweigh logic. Your "what-
ifs" and your imagination supersede the concrete knowledge of your
ability to walk the plank.

In his book Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman asserts that

understanding emotions is more pertinent to leading a successful life than
having a high intelligence. Often people of high IQ struggle at work
because of their weaknesses in fundamental human relation skills.
Goleman calls this skill "emotional intelligence." He emphasizes that
emotional intelligence largely determines our success in relationships,
work, and even physical wellness. Emotional intelligence "is a type of
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social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one's own and
others' emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use the information
to guide one's thinking and actions."[7] Emotional intelligence includes
emotional management, personal motivation, empathy, self-awareness,
and social skills.

When you are persuading someone, emotions provide the springboard for
a successful execution of your argument. In fact, I would even say
emotions are the energy and very fuel of the persuasion process. Without
tapping into your audience's emotions, there is no strength or energy in
your message. Emotion is a power you can harness and use in practically
every aspect of persuasion. Remember, logic is important, but emotion
helps you catapult an otherwise dull or flat exchange to the next level.

Consider the following advantages of emotion over logic:

1. Arousing the emotions of your audience engages your listeners

and distracts them from your intention to influence and persuade.

2. Emotion requires less effort than logic. Logic solicits cognitive

effort, whereas emotion is automatic.

3. Presentations aimed at engaging the audience's emotions are

usually more interesting than logical ones.

4. Emotion-based arguments are often easier to recall than logic-

based arguments.

5. Emotion almost always leads more quickly to change than logic

does.[8]

You must know when to create positive or negative emotions and when to
dispel negative emotions. You have to find ways to tap into your
prospects' emotions, such as hope, love, pride, gratitude, and excitement.
If you can do this, you can inspire anyone. Decide ahead of time what
emotional climate you want to create, capture those emotions within
yourself, and you'll be surprised how you can transfer those emotions to
your audience.

[7]P. Salovey and J. D. Mayer, "Emotional Intelligence: Imagination,

Cognition, and Personality," reprinted in Human Emotions, J. M. Jenkins,

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K. Oatley, and N. L. Stein, editors (Oxford: Blackwell Publishers, 1998),
pp. 313319.

[8]Tellis, Advertising and Sales Promotion Strategy, pp. 160161.

Types of Emotions: Emotional Mastery

Over the centuries, philosophers have tried to categorize the very many
complex emotions of humanity no easy task. Aristotle came up with
fourteen emotions:
Anger
Patience
Friendship
Enmity
Fear
Confidence
Shame
Shamelessness
Emulation
Contempt
Kindness
Pity
Indignation
Envy
Other philosophers argued that emotions are largely influenced by one's
time period and culture. We will focus on a few major, elemental
emotions, both positive and negative. In the persuasive process, you want
to control negative emotions while constructing positive emotions. You
don't want your message to end with negative feelings.

Worry

When your prospect is worried or preoccupied with something occurring

now or that is about to happen in the future, your ability to persuade
declines. Worry is feeling anxious, uneasy, or concerned about something
that may or will happen, or has already happened. I have heard worry
referred to as "negative goal setting." Anxiety creates tension a fear
that occupies our thoughts, which if encouraged will grow and continue to
dominate our thoughts.

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You can combat worry in your prospects by modifying their anxiety into
thoughts of reality. Bring them back to reality by having them realize we
can't change many things in life. Stress that most of the things we worry
about are those very things we can't change and which won't likely ever
happen in the first place. Help your prospects replace their negative
mental images with positive ones.

Fear

Fear is anxiety or tension caused by danger, apprehension, harm, pain, or

destruction. The possibility of harm can be real or imagined. Fear
motivates and moves us away from unpleasant circumstances or potential
destruction. Fear persuades us to do many things we might not otherwise
do. Out of fear we buy life insurance, air bags, home alarms, and guns.

Fear does not work in every circumstance, however; if we were solely

motivated by fear, we would never speed or start smoking. The proper
dose of fear is essential in persuasion. If the dose is too small, it will not
stimulate action. If the fear is too large, it will trigger resistance and
acceptance will decrease.[9] For fear to stick and create action and
persuasion, it must include the following steps:

1. The image of fear must be unpleasant, such as threat of pain,

destruction, or grief.

2. It must be imminent. Your prospects must feel not only that the
fearful event is likely to happen, but also that they could be
victimized by its occurrence. They must feel vulnerable.

3. You must provide a solution to the fear. Give your prospects a

recommended action to suspend or eliminate the fear.

4. Your prospects must believe they are capable of doing what is

asked of them and that doing so will work for them.

Anger

Anger is a secondary emotion. A prospect's anger is usually an indicator

that something else is askew and/or that he needs and wants attention.
You can assist in diminishing his anger by determining the key issue he is
upset about. It is also often effective to ask for his help, opinions, or
advice. This will usually diffuse his anger or even change his attitude and
385
demeanor completely. In some circumstances, you may want to use anger
to make a certain point or to evoke a certain reaction.

Sympathy and Compassion

You can generate action for your cause by creating sympathy for it. When
we see others victimized by misfortune that was beyond their control, we
feel more sympathetic toward them and more motivated to help them.
You've probably seen this technique used by marketers when they show
you pictures of starving children, battered women, abandoned animals,
and disabled adults.

Jealousy

Jealousy is the pain caused by seeing others' good fortune, not because we
want what they have, but because we resent them for having it. The cause
of jealousy is the false perception that one's worth lies in the possession of
those goods.

Shame

Shame is pain and disrespect felt in connection to regrettable behaviors,

experiences, or events. It often involves disgrace or loss of respect for
oneself because we feel we have fallen in the eyes of our family, friends,
or loved ones. We feel shame because of our vices, our abuses, or any of
our perceived failures.

Pity

Pity is empathy we feel toward someone who has been unjustly trespassed
against. We often feel pity for others due to death, injury, sickness,
calamity, natural disaster, accidents, and so on. We can feel pity for
people who are close to us as well as toward people we don't know at all.

Your Emotional Radar

When using emotions in persuasion, remember to pay attention to the

circumstances that surround your presentation. Aristotle highlighted three
aspects you should consider:

1. The nature of the actual experience (funeral, party, sporting event,

fundraiser, or business meeting)
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 2. Those toward whom the message will be directed (blue or white
collar, male or female, religion, race, common interests, or
hobbies)

3. The likely emotion that will be created in participants (what is

going to happen?)
[9]L. Janis and S. Feshbach, "Effects of Fear-Arousing Communications,"
Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology (1953): 7892.

Tip the Scale

As a Persuader you know how to use the dual engine of Balance. This
dual engine allows you to fly straight and true in any persuasive situation;
become a student of both logic and emotion and develop the ability to
articulate logic that rings true to your audience; and learn how to use your
human emotion radar. It will help you determine important aspects of
your audience, such as what your prospects are feeling, what emotions
they are trying to hide, and how you can use each of these emotions in the
persuasive process. As a Master Persuader you know what emotion to use,
when to use it, how to trigger specific emotions, and how to balance the
audience's emotion with logic. Engineer your persuasive message with
Balance.

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Chapter 15
Your Persuasion Checklist
The Inside Secrets of Maximum Influence
Overview

Before anything else, getting ready is the secret to success.

HENRY FORD

To be an effective persuader, you cannot use the same techniques for all
people all the time. You have to customize your message to fit the
demographics, interests, and values of your audience. This chapter
presents what I call the Persuasion Checklist. It will help you to
effectively adapt your persuasive techniques to your target audience. The
foundation of the Persuasion Checklist is rooted in a solid understanding
of human psychology, the ways to handle resistance, and the methods of
effectively structuring a persuasive argument. This is the knowledge
necessary to make the Persuasion Checklist work in any persuasive
situation.

All battles are first won in the mind. You have to be mentally ready to
persuade. Prepare yourself by knowing as much about your audience as
possible. The persuasion process can be thought of as "persuasion
engineering." You have to draw up the blueprint for your persuasive
techniques instead of "flying by the seat of your pants." It's like reading
the roadmap before you drive. You need to understand where you are
going, what route you should take, what the driving conditions will be,
etc. Persuasion operates the same way. Just remember the three D's:
discover, design, and deliver:

Discover what your prospects want and need to hear.

Design and structure a winning persuasive argument.

Deliver the message with passion, compassion, and purpose.

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We all have our own "personal code." You must unlock your prospects'
codes. Most of this code is hidden from the untrained eye, so you'll have
to know what to look for. Consider how code is used in designing Web
pages. We have all surfed the Internet and seen hundreds, even thousands,
of different Web pages. Underlying each page is HTML code. This code
makes each page look and act differently. Many pages have hidden code
that is difficult to find and understand. Similarly, we each have code that
is apparent and some other code that is not apparent. Our code is the sum
of our beliefs, experiences, motivations, thoughts, attitudes, values,
personality, and soon, that makes us who we are. The key for you is to
decode the situation or the prospect, so you can know how to most
effectively persuade your audience.

Finding and interpreting code comes with knowledge and experience, and
the more knowledge and more experience you have, the easier it becomes
to find and crack the code.

The following items make up the Persuasion Checklist:

1. Beliefs and Values
2. Change
3. Acceptance
4. Listening
5. Personality Directions
6. Persuasion Structure and Engineering

Monitoring Mindset: The Mental Game of Persuasion

Beliefs

Understanding your audience's beliefs will help you know what approach
to take. Beliefs are those things we accept as truth, consciously or
subconsciously, proven or unproven. Beliefs come from our environment,
our culture, our education, our experience, or even through osmosis from
our friends and family. One of the most common sources of our beliefs
comes from being a part of a group, such as a family or a type of tight-
knit community. People often take on the beliefs and rules of the groups
to which they belong and then behave in accordance with those beliefs
and rules.

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Values

A value is more ingrained than a belief because it is more deeply and

consciously committed to. A value is typically something that has been
very thoroughly contemplated and accepted. It is for this reason that
values are much harder to change than beliefs. Usually, a true value will
not be changed, not even by wealth, acceptance, or pressure. Be sure
when you are in a persuasive situation that your audience doesn't feel like
you're trying to attack their values. This will only make them feel
defensive toward you. As Walt Disney wisely stated, "When values are
clear, decisions are easy."

Indifference

People who are indifferent most likely have never even thought about the
issue, or they have had no reason to care about it. Indifferent people come
across as greatly apathetic because the topic you are presenting is
something they've never had to cognitively process before. People who
are indifferent don't want to be bothered. These people usually don't care
about you or your message. Often they're only there because they have to
be, or their indifference is just a general lack of interest or boredom in
general. An indifferent audience needs attention, empathy, and a reason to
care.

Monitoring the Ability to Change: Getting Inside the Closed Mind

Life is change; persuasion is change. You must be able to create and

motivate change. Understanding human nature is knowing that most
people will resist change and burrow into their comfort zones. We tend to
follow the path of least resistance. However, change is the only thing that
can lift us up from where we currently lie. Oliver Wendell Holmes said,
"Man's mind, stretched to a new idea, never goes back to its original
dimensions." We all want to become a better person and to be "stretched"
to accomplish more things, but we are stuck in our daily patterns.

As you go through the Persuasion Checklist, find out how resistant to

change your audience is likely to be. Will persuading them be like
breaking through a brick wall or a cardboard box? Are they ready to make
changes because of their circumstances and surroundings? Are they
already trying to change? Some of your prospects will oppose you and
blatantly resist your persuasive message. This is great news this means
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they are listening and it's a sign of involvement. If the audience gives no
feedback, then they are not involved in your message.

There are three ways people make changes in their life. One is through
drastic change. This could be a heart attack, a personal tragedy, or losing a
job. These events force people to change their lives. They did not feel a
need to change until threatening, life-changing events occurred. The
second is through gradual change. This is a process that evolves from
events or personal relationships. Gradual change happens over time, so
much so that you usually don't notice that it is happening. The third way
people change their lives is through internal change. This can come from
inspiration or desperation, but either way, you have consciously decided
you are going to make changes in your life.

To get change to stick, you must make sure three things occur, whether
within yourself or your audience. First, there must be a long-term,
enthusiastic commitment to change. You have to decide there is no other
option. The second thing is that you must be willing to pay the price,
persisting even when you feel weak. Third, you have to know where the
change is taking them. How is this going to affect their lives? What are
the end results?

The biggest obstacles to change are lack of motivation, lack of

knowledge, and fear. People will not change if they don't know where that
change is taking them. We naturally watch out for our own future and
want to prevent harm from reaching us. As a persuader, you need to create
a vision for your audience, one that shows them what they will be like in
the future. If you can get people to see themselves in the future and
witness where that change will take them, they will be more willing to
embrace change. Understand that people will resist change unless
sufficient reinforcement and tools are provided to assist them. Without
having this knowledge, their attitudes won't change, and if their attitudes
won't change, then their actions won't change.

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Monitoring the Acceptance Level: Determine Where the Audience
Stands

An important part of the Persuasion Checklist is determining what the

audience's current acceptance level is for the subject you want to present.
Ask yourself the following questions when making this determination:
1. Knowledge: What does my audience know about the topic I want
to talk about?
2. Interest: How interested is the audience in my subject?
3. Background: What are the common demographics of my
audience?
4. Support: How much support already exists for my views?
5. Beliefs: What are my audience's common beliefs?
Understanding different types of audiences will also help you determine
their acceptance level. Following are some different categories of
audiences and how to deal with each of them.

The Hostile Audience

This group disagrees with you and may even actively work against you.
For a hostile audience, use these techniques:
Find common beliefs and values.
Use humor to break the ice.
Don't start the presentation with an attack on their position.
You are only trying to persuade on one point; don't talk about
anything else that could be considered hostile.
Because of your differences, they will question your credibility.
Increase your credibility with studies from experts or anything
that will support your claim.
They will try to find reasons to not like you; don't give them any.
Don't tell them you are going to try to persuade them.
Express that you are looking for a win-win outcome rather than a
win-lose situation.
If possible, meet with the audience more than once before
confronting them on areas of disagreement.
Show them you've done your homework.
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 Respect their feelings, values, and integrity.
Use logical reasoning as clearly and as carefully as possible.
Use the Rule of Connectivity and the Rule of Balance.

The Neutral or Indifferent Audience

This audience understands your position but doesn't care about the
outcome. The key to dealing with this group is creating motivation and
energy be dynamic. To persuade the indifferent audience:
Spell out the benefits to them or the things around them.
Point out the downside of not accepting your proposals.
Grab their attention by using a story. Make them care by showing
them how the topic affects them.
Get them to feel connected to your issues.
Avoid complex arguments.
Use concrete examples with familiar situations or events.
Identify why they should care.
Use the Rule of Involvement and the Rule of Social Validation.

The Uninformed Audience

An uninformed audience lacks the information they need to be convinced.

To persuade them, you should employ the following tactics:
Encourage them to ask questions throughout the presentation.
Keep the facts simple and straightforward.
Find out why they are uninformed.
Use examples and simple statistics.
Quote experts the audience respects.
Stress your credibility, such as degrees, special expertise, and
experience.
Make your message interesting in order to keep their attention.
Use the Rule of Dissonance and the Rule of Scarcity.

The Supportive Audience

A supportive audience already agrees with you. You may think that
persuading these people is easy, but remember that your goal is to get

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them to take action, not necessarily to just agree with you. These
techniques should be used with a supportive audience:
Increase energy and enthusiasm with inspiration.
Prepare them for future attacks by inoculating them against other
arguments.
Get them to take action and to support your cause.
Let them know what needs to be done.
Use testimonials to intensify the commitment.
Use the Rule of Esteem and the Rule of Expectation.
Most audiences are a mix of all four of these types. Find out the dominant
audience type that will be present and tailor your remarks accordingly. Of
course, mix in some techniques from the other three areas since your
prospects will always be a blend of all four.

The Persuasion Pitfall

Understand your audience and what Rules of persuasion you are going to
use on them. There are times and situations where certain persuasive laws
or techniques are not appropriate. You cannot treat every person or every
audience the same way. If you take persuasion too far, you will run into
what I call the Persuasion Pitfall.

People are persuaded and influenced until they feel cheated, misled, or
taken advantage of, and then they never tell you about their feelings or do
business with you again.

In sales and marketing, we have a tendency push the envelope a little too
hard when trying to persuade others. This could be in a personal one-on-
one encounter with a friend or in a visit to the local furniture store.
Persuaders who do not possess the ability to read others or who do not
have the skills necessary to persuade typically fall victim to the
Persuasion Pitfall. They will take persuasion a little too far, using extreme
pressure or trying to sell you a product you don't need or want. Use
persuasion, influence, or power the wrong way and people lose all trust in
you, never to be persuaded by you again. When over-persuading, you do
or say something that sets off silent alarms in you prospects' minds. It
could be a feeling of uneasiness, or a bad feeling toward you, your store,
or your product.

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This pitfall also includes selling a faulty product. The challenge with this
pitfall is that 99 percent of the people in the world will say nothing to you
about the defective item or about your over-persuading. They simply will
never go into your store again. They will never want to associate with
your product. Or, if you are a friend or member of the family, they will
never trust or listen to your point of view again. This pitfall is a silent
killer because most persuaders don't even realize the mistake was ever
made. The duped person will never come back to the store and will
probably tell others not to go back too. You have probably had this
happen to you many times, at a car dealership, in retail stores, and on the
phone. You have to have a sixth sense in persuasion and know how hard
you can push.

We hate to feel manipulated or pressured. We have all been burned or

taken advantage of, and when we see signs of such behavior we start to
run. Many uneducated persuaders can be offensive, condescending,
obnoxious, and insulting. Some people will need to have space, some will
have to talk to a spouse, and still others will have to come back later
before making a decision. You have to sense and know via knowledge
and experience and nonverbal cues how many tools of persuasion you can
use without running up against this pitfall. You have to sense your limits
before you cross the line.

Monitoring Your Listening Skills: Crack the Code

Fortune 500 companies commonly require listening training, even though

many employees think it's a waste of time. The truth is, poor listening
skills account for the majority of communication problems. Dale Carnegie
asserted many years ago that listening is one of the most crucial human
relations skills. Listening is how we find out people's code, preferences,
desires, wants, and needs. It is how we learn to customize our message to
our prospects. Of all the skills one could master, listening is probably the
one that will pay you back the most.

Good listening is not just looking at someone and nodding your head in
agreement. You have to acknowledge what is being said and let the other
person know that you understand. The more you can acknowledge what is
being said, the greater ability you have to persuade and influence. Why?
Because the person speaking with you will feel important and understood
(Rule of Esteem). Why is listening so difficult for most of us? Why is it

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that when two people get together and talk, they both walk away with two
completely different views about the conversation?

Top Five Challenges to Listening Effectively

Thinking About Our Response. Instead of thinking about what the

other person is saying, we often think about what we personally
want to say next or where we want the conversation to lead. We
are mentally planning our own agenda and game plan. In effect,
we patiently wait our turn to talk but we never have give and take
between the two parties.

Not Concentrating. We talk at a rate of 120 to 150 words per

minute, but we can think 400 to 800 words per minute. This
allows us time to think in between words that are being said. We
can pretend to listen while really thinking of something else.

Jumping to Conclusions. Sometimes we assume we know exactly

what the other person is going to say next and we begin forming
reactions based on those assumptions. We start putting words into
the other speaker's mouth because we are so sure of what they
mean.

Prejudging Speakers on Their Delivery and Personal Appearance.

We often judge people by the way they look or speak instead of
listening to what they say. Some people are so put off by personal
appearance, regional accents, speech defects, and mannerisms that
they don't even try to listen to the message.

Lack of Training. Some people just honestly and truly don't know
how to listen effectively, even if they want to. If they haven't ever
had any training or guidance in how to listen effectively, they
may not be accustomed to or even realize the mental effort or
level of involvement really required to do so. If you know how to
listen, you'll always know what someone is thinking and what
they want from you.

Listed below are the insider secrets for effective listening. Follow these
guidelines, and you'll always be able to get below the surface of your
audience:

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 1. Give them your undivided attention. They are the most important
people in the world to you at this time make them feel that
way. Don't get distracted by your surroundings. Stop talking and
concentrate on them.

2. Look them directly in the face while they are talking. Lean forward
to indicate interest and concern. Listen calmly like you have all
the time in the world.

3. Show sincere interest in them. There is no need to talk. Just nod

your head and agree with verbal sounds like "uh huh." Don't
interrupt and listen for main points.

4. Keep the conversation going by asking questions. Prompt more

information from them by repeating their phrases.

5. Use silence to encourage them to talk. You have heard that silence
is golden. Being silent encourages your prospects to talk about
themselves and reveal truths that will help you in the persuasion
process. Pausing for silence shows you are interested in your
audience and stimulates interest in the conversation.

6. Pause before replying or continuing. Wait three to five seconds and

reply thoughtfully. Don't leap in, even if you know the answer.
When you pause, it shows the other person you consider what
they are saying is valuable. If you apply your listening skills, you
will be able to glean golden nuggets of information from your
audience. Because you must adapt your message to the person
you are talking to, there is nothing more crucial than listening.

Monitoring Personality Directions: Fine-Tune Your Persuasion

Radar

The more we understand personality directions and personality types, the

better we will be able to customize our persuasive presentations. A
personality direction is the way we lean most of the time in terms of the
way we act and react to most stimuli. We hate to be put in a box and
categorized, but the reality is that (most of the time) we are predictable.
Sure, people can never be 100 percent predictable, but you will be amazed
at how predictable they actually are as you become a student of human
nature.
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Each personality direction will dictate how you customize your message.
When you analyze personality directions, ask yourself the following
questions:

A. Are your audience or prospects mostly logical or emotional?

Logical
Use their heads
Go with what makes sense
Are persuaded by facts, figures, and statistics
Rely on past history Use their five senses

Emotional
Use their heart
Go with what feels right
Are persuaded by emotions
Rely on intuition Use their "sixth sense"

B. Are your audience or prospects introverted or extroverted?

Extroverts
Love to communicate
Are talkative
Involve others
Tend to be public people Want face-to-face contact

Introverts
Keep feelings inside
Listen more than they talk
Like to work solo
Tend to be private Use memos and e-mails

C. Are your audience or prospects motivated more by inspiration or

desperation?

Desperation
Try to get away from the problem
Are stuck in the past, don't want to repeat prior mistakes
Avoid pain
Want to get away from something

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Inspiration
Work towards a solution
See a better future
Are motivated by pleasure
Want to move forward (have a vision)

D. Are your audience or prospects assertive or amiable?

Assertive
Consider results more important than relationships
Make decisions quickly
Want to be in control Are task-oriented Don't waste time
Are independent

Amiable
Consider relationships more important than results
Are friendly and loyal
Like to build relationships
Are great listeners
Avoid contention
Are nonassertive and agreeable

It is important to note that, when it comes to persuasion, personality

directions most like our own personality type create a feeling of comfort
and safety for us. Styles that differ from our own create tension and
defensiveness. Adaptive persuaders can match all personality directions.

Structuring Winning Arguments

Why should we be concerned with the structure of an argument? Well,

persuasive messages have several pieces that must be included. Just as
Plato stated that every message should have a structure like an animal
(head, body, and feet), so must our arguments follow an understandable
pattern.

There are two basic elements to any persuasive message. These are the
substance (arguments, facts, and content) and the form (pattern of
arrangement). If you make up the form and pattern of your presentation as
it comes into your head, it will be a detriment to long-term persuasion. A
confused mind says "no." If the audience can't follow your facts or the
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substance of your message, their brains will not accept your message
there is no clear message to accept.

At one time or another, you have probably been in a classroom where the
teacher has completely lost you. You had no idea where the topic was
going or where it had been. When this happens, your mind stalls and the
learning process stops. Confusion is a state of mind that creates tension.
We hate to be confused. When we create this mental confusion as
persuaders, we are shooting ourselves in the foot. Most uneducated "one-
note persuaders" follow Harry Truman's advice: "If you can't convince
'em, confuse 'em."

Before we jump into the meat of this topic, remember as you prepare your
persuasive message that you want to focus on one defined issue. You are
not there to persuade on ten different points. Stay focused and steer clear
of sensitive issues that aren't on your original agenda. In other words,
don't inadvertently offend your audience on one issue when your focus in
on another. The structure of your persuasive message should follow the
pattern discussed below.

1. Create Interest

You have to generate an interest about your chosen topic. Your audience
needs a reason to listen: Why should they care? What's in it for them?
How can you help them? A message that starts with a really good reason
to listen will grab the attention of the audience, enabling you to continue
with the message. Without this attention, there is no hope of getting your
message across.

2. State the Problem

You must clearly define the problem you are trying to solve. The best
pattern for a persuasive speech is to find a problem and relate how it
affects the audience. In this way, you show them a problem they have and
why it is of concern to them. Why is this a problem to your audience?
How does this problem affect them?

3. Offer Evidence

This is the support you give to your argument. Evidence validates your
claims and offers proof that your argument is right. It allows your

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audience to rely on other sources besides you. Evidence can include
examples, statistics, stories, testimonies, analogies, and any other
supporting material used to enhance the integrity and congruency of your
message.

4. Present a Solution

You have gained your audience's interest and provided evidence in

support of your message; now you must solve their problem. You present
the argument you want them to believe and satisfy the need you have
identified or created. You have created dissonance and now you are
providing the solution. How can your product meet their needs and wants
and help them achieve their goals?

5. Call to Action

A persuasive message is not true persuasion if your audience does not

know exactly what they need to do. Be specific and precise. In order to
complete the solution to their problem, they must take action. This is the
climax, the peak of your logic and emotion. The prescribed actions must
be feasible. Make your call to action as easy as possible.

Using this type of structure facilitates people's acceptance of your

message and clarifies what you want them to do. We all have a logical
side to our mind, which results in our need for order and arrangement. If
we don't sense some sort of structure, we tend to become confused and
create our own organizational flow thus creating our own solution. If
you can't be clear, concise, and orderly, your prospect will find someone
else who is.

In order to create a good structure for your argument and to reach your
audience, it may be helpful to consider the following set of questions.

Ask yourself these questions in regard to yourself and your message:

What do I want to accomplish?
What will make my message clear to my audience?
What will increase my credibility and trust?
What Rules of Persuasion am I going to use?
What do I want my prospects to do?
Ask yourself these questions in regard to your audience:

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 Who is listening to my message? (Audience demographics)
What is their initial mindset? (What are they thinking and feeling
now?)
When will the call to action work? (What do you want them to do
and when do you want them to do it?)
Why should they care? (What is in it for them?)
In what areas of their lives does this affect them? (Health, money,
relationships, etc.)
How will they benefit? (What will they gain?)
These questions should help you create effective arguments in each of the
key areas: interest, problem, evidence, solution, and action. The remainder
of this chapter will present a variety of techniques that will be helpful in
structuring your arguments.

Giving a Call to Action

The call to action is the most important part of your presentation. This is
where your audience understands exactly what you want them to do. It's
where you define yourself as a persuader instead of a presenter. This
conclusion should not come as a shock to your audience. Throughout your
presentation, you should have gently led them to the same conclusion that
you are now giving them. You should have already prompted them to
want to do what you are about to tell them to do.

Some people hate this part of persuasion because they are asking their
prospects to do something. This should really be the best part the
action is the only reason you are giving the presentation in the first place;
your audience is going to understand that. If you become tense and
uneasy, so will your prospect. The whole presentation should be
structured to make the call to action smooth and seamless. In fact, the
prospects should not even see or feel your call to action coming.

You should prepare your audience for this conclusion before you even
start on the rest of the presentation. Your entire presentation should be
built around the call to action. I mean, write out the call to action word for
word beforehand. From the outset of your message, you must be eager to
get to this point. Be positive and enthusiastic. In your preparation, make
sure your conclusion is explicit and that the audience is not left on their
own to make sense of and understand your message. You need to tell

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them what to believe; you draw the conclusion for them. Make the call to
action easy for them to follow and simple for them to do.

There should be no doubt in your prospects' minds about exactly what you
want them to do. There is a story of an old man who goes to a dentist
because he has a tooth that is killing him. He has been putting it off for
months and finally he has to get the tooth taken care of. Once there, the
dentist agrees that the tooth needs to come out. The man asks the dentist
how much it will cost. The dentist replies that it will be about $250. The
old man yelps and yells, "$250 to pull out a tooth?!!" Then he asks how
long the procedure will take. He is told it will take about five minutes.
"$250 for five minutes of work? That is highway robbery!" the old man
protests. "How can you live with yourself charging people that kind of
money?" The dentist smiles and says, "If it's the time you are worried
about, I can take as long as you want."

When planning and preparing your call to action, remember that the
process does not have to be long and painful. Be short, brief, and to the
point.

Structure Points

Once the call to action has taken place, your audience needs to remember,
retain, and respond to your message. They have to keep doing what you
want them to do. Have your points been memorable, easy to understand,
and simple to follow? Remember, your message will boil down not to
what you say and do, but to what the other person remembers. The
following critical items must be included in your persuasive presentation.

1. Repetition

The use of repetition is very effective. We have heard that repetition is the
mother of all learning; it is also the mother of effective persuasion.
Repetition creates familiarity toward your ideas, and that leads to a
positive association. When something gets repeated, it gets stuck in your
memory. It improves your comprehension. You need to repeat your
message several times so your audience understands precisely what you
are talking about and comprehends exactly what you want them to do.
You can repeat the message several times without saying the same thing
over and over again. My motto is: When you repeat, repackage how you
say it. Each time you express your point, use new evidence and new
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words, so you don't sound like a broken record. When you use repetition
too much, it might result in diminishing returns. You know how you feel
about someone telling you a joke or a story you've already heard or about
that commercial you've seen one too many times. If you've heard it a
million times before, you tune out and quit listening. Keep your
repetitions about each point to approximately three references, and
definitely no more than five.

2. Theme

We see general themes in commercials and advertisements. A theme is

easily remembered and easily retained. Attorney Gerry Spence uses
themes during his court cases. For example, when a small ice cream
manufacturer sued McDonald's for breach of oral contract, Spence
centered his whole argument and position around the theme, "Let's put
honor back into the handshake." The jury was won over and Spence's
client was awarded $52 million. In another case, Spence's client was suing
an insurance company for quadriplegic fraud. This time, Spence's theme
was: "Human need versus corporate greed." The insurance company
ended up having to shell out $33.5 million plus the interest on $10
million. Having a theme will give your presentation flow, order, and
presence in the minds of your audience members. Themes provide an easy
way for people to remember the heart of your message. If you have strong
and well-organized themes, you can be sure your audience will
understand and remember your message more clearly and more strongly.

3. Brevity and Simplicity

Keep your message short and simple. Boring an audience to tears has
never yet worked as an effective persuasive technique. If the message is
short and simple, it will most likely be clearer and therefore easier to
remember. Consider the profundity of Abraham Lincoln's historical
Gettysburg Address. The whole speech, from start to finish, was only 269
words. He presented it in less than three minutes.
Gettysburg Address

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent
a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all
men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing
whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long
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endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to
dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting-place for those who here
gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and
proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate,
we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. The brave men,
living and dead who struggled here have consecrated it far above our poor
power to add or detract. The world will little note nor long remember
what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us
the living rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work, which they
who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be
here dedicated to the great task remaining before us that from these
honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they
gave the last full measure of devotion that we here highly resolve that
these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation under God shall
have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the
people, for the people shall not perish from the earth.

How about Winston Churchills blood, sweat, and tears speech? He

read it in less than two and a half minutes. Even Nelson Mandela's famous
speech signaling the end of apartheid a speech he gave after twenty-
seven years of imprisonment lasted only five minutes.

Make sure your speech is articulate and intelligent, but be careful not to
use esoteric language. Use simple terms and jargon that are familiar to
your audience. Complexity will not impress them; rather it will muddle
your message. Make your points simple, clear, and direct. Avoid facts,
figures, examples, questions, or anything else that if used ineffectively
might complicate your message.

Conversely, if you are trying to dissuade, use all the complexity you want.
If a person feels confused, perplexed, bewildered, etc., well, as they say, a
confused mind says, "No!"

4. Primacy and Recency Effects

Timing is everything. The Primacy and Recency Effects refer to timing

your message so it will have its greatest impact. The "Primacy Effect"
refers to the impact of points made at the beginning of a presentation, and
the "Recency Effect" refers to the impact of information presented at the
end of a presentation. These effects can be powerful presentation tools
since it is typically the very first and very last parts of your presentation
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that bear the strongest weight in your audience's overall impression. These
impressions will linger longer than anything else about the presentation.
Your first and final words determine how you will be remembered and
thought of long after your speech has ended. Be sure you carefully craft
your opening and closing statements, placing your strongest points at
those times.

5. Offer Choices

There is a strange psychological phenomenon in regard to drawing

conclusions. If someone tells us exactly what to do, our tendency is to
reject that dictated choice when we feel it is our only option. The solution
is to offer your prospects a few options so that they can make the choice
for themselves. People feel the need to have freedom and make their own
choices. If forced to choose something against their will, they experience
psychological resistance and feel a need to restore their freedom.

We all need options. Recently, I saw a young moose get surrounded by

people who wanted a picture of it. Feeling trapped, this moose charged at
the people in an attempt to escape. This type of scenario can also present
itself in your persuasive efforts. If you don't offer options to your
audience, they could attempt to charge and escape.

The strategy is that you have control over your prospects' options. You
only give them options that will satisfy your situation. We have all done
this with children: Do you want to finish your dinner or go to bed early?
In sales, they call this strategy the alternative close. For example, have
you heard the line, "Do you want regular or deluxe?" Or what about, "Do
you want it in blue or green?" or "Do you want to meet Monday afternoon
or Tuesday evening?" The person has options, but both options meet the
persuader's goals.

Even if it is just something simple, people need to have options. I heard a

story of one lady who desperately needed to take her medication or she
would die. Her doctor, nurse, son, and husband all tried to get her to take
her medication but to no avail. The doctor insisted she take her
medication first thing when she arose in the morning, but she just
wouldn't do it. Distraught, the family took her to a new doctor. This
doctor immediately saw the situation and talked to the patient. He
explained the benefits of taking the drugs and how it could help her. Then,
he gave her an option. He said, "You need to take this once a day. Would
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you like to take it with your breakfast or your dinner?" The patient smiled
and said she would like to take it with her dinner. After she made that
decision, she no longer gave people a hard time about taking her
medication. The key is that both options the doctor gave her were fixed to
achieve the same goal.

If you absolutely have to limit your audience's choice to one thing, you
must explain to them why there are limitations on their options. If the
audience understands why a limit has been put on their freedom, they are
more likely to accept it without feeling undermined.

On the flip side, try not to give your prospects more than two or three
choices. If you give too many alternatives, your audience will be less
likely to choose any of them. Structured choices give the audience the
impression of control. As a result, they increase cooperation and
commitment.

Offering choices is also called "binds." Each option offered gives the
persuader what he wants without making him appear as if he is restricting
freedoms. When you use the word "or," the very opposite is implied, so
try to structure your choices with the word "or." For example, "Would you
like to make an appointment now, or should we meet next week? I know
today you will become involved in our product or make the decision to
take it home with you."

Inoculation: Defend Against the Attack

During the Korean War, Americans were shocked at the number of

captured soldiers who willingly cooperated with the enemy. Initially they
wondered whether the soldiers had been tortured and beaten into
submission. Investigation revealed that the soldiers had not been tortured,
but rather that they had been subjected to brainwashing sessions led by a
skillful questioner. Soldiers were questioned about American ideologies
such as freedom, democracy, and equality. Surprisingly, many of the
soldiers had great difficulty defending their beliefs. The captors persisted
in attacking beliefs the soldiers couldn't explain until the soldiers began to
question and doubt the validity of those beliefs.

If the captors could get the soldiers that far, getting them to commit
treason became much easier. New soldiers from that point on began
receiving more extensive political training in addition to the typical
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military instruction. No soldier would ever again hold vaguely defined
beliefs or be unable to defend America verbally or militarily.

How did the military train their soldiers to withstand the potential verbal
attacks as had been perpetrated against them in the Korean War? What
would keep them strong in the face of such adversity, preventing them
from crumbling? It is a method called "inoculation." The term
"inoculation" comes from the medical field: Injecting a weak dose of a
virus into a patient inoculates or prevents the patient from actually getting
the disease. The body's immune system fights off this weak form of the
disease and then is prepared when the full disease attacks.

Likewise, when you are presenting and you know that there is an
opposing viewpoint standing in the wing, you have to "inoculate" the
audience with a weakened form of the other side's argument. If you know
someone is going to attack your viewpoint, you prepare your audience in
advance.

The idea is to address the issues that your opponent will bring up and then
directly refute them. The point to understand is that the inoculation must
be a weak form of the "virus." If you inoculated a human body with the
strong strain of a disease, it could become sick or even die. The dose must
be weak enough to prepare the body for the stronger virus but not so
strong that it overpowers the body. In persuasion, you don't want to give
strong doses. You don't want to give your prospects all the ammunition
from the other side of the persuasive message. On the other hand, if you
don't prepare your audience for what they are about to hear, the sting of
your opponent's words, logic, or testimony might be too much for them to
handle and they could switch sides.

We are surrounded by countless examples of inoculation, many of which

can be seen used in the courtroom. The attorney stands up and says, "The
prosecution will call my client mean, evil, a terrible husband, and a poor
member of society, but this is not true, as I will show you over the next
couple of weeks.. . ." So, when the prosecutor stands up and states
anything close to what the defense attorney has claimed she will, the jury
is prepared, thinking she is acting exactly the way the defense said she
would. This gives the jurors a way to ignore or even discount the
prosecutor's arguments.

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Street gangs also use this inoculation tool. When they are attempting to
convert someone to their beliefs and to join the gang, they will inoculate
and prepare the future gang member by telling him his parents, teachers,
and cops will encourage him not to join a gang. They will tell him all the
reasons his opponents will give, fueling him with ammunition for the
impending attack. This preparation enables him to handle the oncoming
assault from parents, teachers, etc.

Society needs to understand the importance of inoculation in regards to

smoking, drugs, teenage pregnancy, and others issues we know our
children will come in contact with. Who should be the first contact with
your children you or the drug dealer? When you inoculate people, they
can mentally prepare arguments supporting their stance. This
reinforcement prevents them from switching teams. The more prepared
they are, the more they'll hold fast to their attitudes and beliefs. The more
deeply this reinforcement is ingrained, the more difficult it will become
for them to be swayed.

When do you use inoculation? The correct answer depends on the

composition and attitude of your audience. If they already agree with your
position, you only need to present one side. If they disagree with you, you
need to present both sides. If an opposing speaker is going to follow you,
you definitely need to inoculate. Giving both sides of the argument works
better with audience members who already know something about the
opposition's strength. Inoculation works better with knowledgeable
prospects because it communicates respect for your opponent's
intelligence. If the audience is full of committed believers, you win points
by acknowledging there is another position.

Inoculation increases your credibility and your ability to persuade. By

presenting them with the other side of the argument, you show the
audience that you know how they feel and think. You are not afraid of the
truth and have done your research. You prepare your audience in advance
about the negative things someone could say about you or your product.
You will win a great deal of respect and power when you answer
someone's questions before they even ask them.

When you know your audience, not only can you prepare for pending
attacks, but you can also answer questions in advance with inoculation.
This gives your listeners a solution in their minds. Imagine persuading
prospects about the need to use your product. The competition will call
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your product the most expensive product on the market. You know this so
you inoculate. You tell your prospects upfront that this is the highest
quality, longest lasting, most expensive product on the market. You let
them know why you are the best and the most expensive. Your product
has won most of the industry's awards, lasts the longest, and gives the
most value for the money. These arguments, strategically planted in the
mind of your prospects, will enable them to access these facts when the
competition belittles you or your product.

Preparation Is the Key to Influence

Persuasion is everything. Prepare your mind, know your audience, know

their code, and structure a winning persuasive argument accordingly.
Know who, what, when, where, and why about your message and your
audience. Effective persuaders know that information and structure are the
seeds for perfect persuasion.

http://westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/laws_persuasion/

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The Psychology of Persuasion
IQ Matrix
Written by Adam Sicinski

Whether we realize it or not, we are being persuaded by our friends,

family, colleagues, strangers, the government and the media on a daily
basis. Most of this persuasion is very subtle and naturally stimulates our
hidden needs, desires and motivations for a better and more fulfilling
existence. For the lucky few, the Art of Persuasion comes naturally and
effortlessly. In fact, the world is their oyster and a canvas of their making.
Yet for others, who have not mastered this fine psychological art; the
world is a daily struggle that leads them into ever deeper pits of emotional
disappointment.

Introduction
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Whether we realize it or not, we are being persuaded by our friends,
family, colleagues, strangers, the government and the media on a daily
basis. Most of this persuasion is very subtle and naturally stimulates our
hidden needs, wants and motivations for a better and more fulfilling
existence. For the lucky few, the Art of Persuasion comes naturally and
effortlessly. In fact, the world is their oyster and a canvas of their making.
Yet for others, who have not mastered this fine psychological art; the
world is a daily struggle that leads them into ever deeper pits of emotional
disappointment.

This IQ Matrix Mind Map will specifically focus on the fundamental

aspects of persuasion and how you can utilize them to persuade others to
your way of thinking.

o The 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map identifies the type of
mindset that you must cultivate and the skills that need to be mastered
in order to develop the fundamental credentials of persuasion.

o The 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the
psychological human motivators that must be stimulated in order to
open the channels of persuasion.

o The 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map presents you with a
generic process for persuasion that will help you get what you want,
every time. It also breaks down a variety of obstacles to persuasion
and discusses the fundamental laws that govern the art of persuading
others to your way of thinking.

The following article presents a brief overview of this topic in order to

assist and enhance your understanding of the IQ Matrix Mind Map
Poster. An in-depth report that breaks down each of these IQ Matrix
segment branches - including an accompanying interactive workbook that
will assist you in applying these concepts into your daily life - will be
available at a later time.

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Your Persuasive Credentials

The 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map identifies the type of mindset
that you must cultivate and the skills that need to be mastered in order to
develop the fundamental credentials of persuasion.

The Persuasive Mindset

There are two key factors that will determine your level of persuasion.
The first of these factors is your psychological mindset, and your ability
to tap into this resource and utilize it to its greatest effect.

A persuasive person needs to cultivate a mindset that is built upon 3

fundamental layers of being. The 1st layer is built upon Honor. The
2nd layer is built upon Trust. While the 3rd layer is built upon Presence.
Each layer must be cultivated and practiced in order to enhance ones
ability to persuade others in a variety of social settings.

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Methods for Gaining Honor
When others perceive you as being honorable, you ultimately win their
respect and approval. They openly acknowledge you as a person and
support your beliefs, values and the convictions and ideas you stand for.

In order to gain honor from others, you must cultivate the following
qualities:

Show Willingness to be Taught

Openly show a willingness to be taught by other people. We cannot be an

expert at everything, and we certainly do not know all that there is to
know about a certain subject, person or topic. When you open yourself up
to be taught by others, you are unlocking a variety of new perspectives
and ideas that will help you to clarify what you know, while potentially
providing you with greater insights into areas you may not be familiar
with.

Display Consistency

Be consistent in thought, word and action. People are drawn to

certainty. They want certainty in their lives. They want to know and
be able to predict what will happen next, what a person will say or do, and
what the world will look like tomorrow, next week, next month and so
forth. When you are consistent in thought, word and action, others will
see you as being someone who who brings them comfort and certainty.

Display Unconditional Acceptance

Most people are tough on the exterior while at the same time very self-
conscious on the interior. They want to feel that they are being accepted
by others no matter what mistakes they may have made in the past or are
making in the moment. When you show unconditional acceptance of
another person, you are automatically displaying a deep level of care and
respect that makes the other person feel comfortable and secure within
your presence.
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Display Compassion

Display a deep level of compassion for the problems and difficulties that
other people are experiencing on a daily basis. Everyone moves through
difficult periods of their lives. During moments like these we seek
understanding and compassion from others. Yes, others may not know
what we are going through, however if they are able to understand and
sympathize with us, than that makes us feel comfortable and secure within
their presence. This naturally leads to honor and a deep level of respect
for the other person.

Show Genuine Interest & Support

Showing a genuine interest in other people and supporting their passions,

ideas and ventures naturally brings you closer together and helps develop
deep levels of rapport and respect. Ask others about the good things in
their lives, about the things that make them smile, or the things that bring
a happy tear to their eye. It is these things that will stimulate a deep
emotional bond between the two of you, and will help grow the honor and
respect they feel when within your presence.

Display Patience with People

Often people need time. Time to learn a new skill, to let go of an

unresourceful habit, or simply time to open up and express their true
feelings and needs. When others feel that they are not being rushed,
hurried or forced into something by others, this naturally brings about a
feeling of comfort and calm within their body and mind. It is therefore
better to ask a person questions that will lead them to find their own
motivation and answers, rather than to instruct or lecture them about the
possible solutions.

Cultivate Discipline

People are naturally drawn to those who display a deep level of discipline
in thought, word and action. Discipline brings about certainty. When they
are certain that you are disciplined enough to follow through on what you

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say, than this naturally brings about a deep sense of confidence in your
ability and a respect for the stability you bring forth into their lives.

Cultivate Integrity

Integrity is a spirit of being whole, complete and living consistently with

your highest values. When others have confidence that you will stay true
to your beliefs and values, that you will keep your word and not stray off
course onto unexpected and unpredicted paths, than they will
consequently honor and respect you wholeheartedly for who you are
completely and without question.

Cultivate a Solution Focused Attitude

Even though some people might find it difficult to admit this, they do
actually appreciate being around those who live with optimism and
cultivate a solution focused attitude. We are all creatures who seek to
experience deep levels of pleasure in our lives. We live on hope for a
better future on a daily basis, even though some of us may completely
disregard this fact. If you are able to instill a little hope into your
interactions with others; to help them see the solutions where they
previously saw only problems and obstacles, than you will ultimately gain
their respect and honor.

Methods for Gaining Trust

When others perceive you as being trusting, you naturally open up a
channel of communication that will bring forth the other persons deepest
thoughts, feelings, opinions, values and beliefs into the open. This channel
of communication will provide you with deep insights and understandings
that will allow you greater freedom to persuade this person to your way of
thinking.

In order to gain trust from others, you must cultivate the following
qualities:

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Acquire Credibility

Others must see you as being a credible person, one who doesnt provide
empty promises, incomplete facts, over exaggerated information and the
like. When you are seen as being credible in another persons eyes, they
naturally believe in you, in your ability, in the promises you make and in
the actions you take. Credibility can be acquired when people speak
highly of you to others, and when your every word and action is
consistent with all the facts, statistics and other information you present
them with.

Once you have obtained credibility, you will have obtained anothers
belief in you and your abilities. And once this belief has been established,
than trust is a natural outcropping of this outcome.

Display Congruence

Congruence is a state of harmony that you naturally and consistently

project out into the world. When you are congruent, your thoughts,
beliefs, values, words, emotions, decisions, actions and behaviors are all
in harmony with one another. Hence, you will not say one things and do
something else, otherwise this will break the congruent energy you project
out into the world.

When people see you as being congruent, they are naturally drawn to you
out of respect for this harmonious energy you are projecting. This
likewise brings about deep levels of trust, as others realize that you have
nothing to hide, and that what you project is what they can expect.

Display Competence

People naturally have faith and hold trust in those that they see as being
competent in their field of endeavor. Therefore, if you are presenting
yourself as an expert in a certain subject area, than others expect you to be
able to answer all their questions, to have a full grasp of the skills that are
required to help and assist them to get the results they are after, and to
have the tools and resources on hand to provide suitable solutions that
they need. Once you show to others that you are competent and capable,
417
than this will naturally raise the trust factor, and will allow you greater
leverage in persuading them to your way of thinking.

Display Confidence

People are naturally drawn to those who have a deep level of self-
confidence in themselves, their ability and in their capacity to follow
through on the promises they make. Confidence naturally manifests into
assurance, certainty, capability and above all trust. However, please dont
mistaken confidence for cockiness or vanity. People are turned off by the
latter two qualities and you will lose all trust and credibility with others
the moment these reapers of personality show up to the party.

Display Strong Character

A person with a strong character is someone who doesnt breakdown

emotionally, who stands tall when obstacles and problems overwhelm
others, and consistently projects who they are openly and expressively
without ulterior motives or a hidden agendas. Strong personalities such as
this naturally draw others to them, while gaining the respect, confidence
and trust that is required to become a persuasive individual.

Methods for Gaining Presence

Presence is a state of being, acting and doing that builds confidence, belief
and moves others emotionally to do things that they previously did not
believe they were capable of. With it, the world is your oyster. However,
without it you will struggle to even begin persuading others to your way
of thinking.

In order to develop presence, you must display the following:

Present Powerful Goals & Vision

People are moved by powerful goals and visions of the future that bring
about great pleasure and excitement. In the next branch of this IQ Matrix
Mind Map we will discuss and break-down these motives in detail,

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however for our purposes here, it is important to consciously present
people with a moving outlook that will excite and stimulate the logical
and emotional centers of their brain. To do this, simply talk about big
ideas, dreams and goals, while presenting fantastic visions of how you can
help others feel better than they have ever felt before.

As a word of warning, please make sure that these goals and visions dont
contradict the qualities discussed above (you must follow through on the
promises you make), otherwise you may have presence, however you will
lose trust and honor, which will significantly subdue your capacity to
persuade others to your way of thinking.

Display Optimism

Presence is also created through a sense of optimism. People will only be

persuaded by those who provide them with optimistic solutions, ideas and
a sense of purpose that will drive and motivate them towards their
personal goals and objectives. Unfortunately without optimism, you will
find it very difficult to persuade others to your way of thinking.

Display Empathy Towards Others

When we empathize with others we naturally tap into their thoughts,

feelings and attitudes that make up their psyche at any given moment in
time. Empathy is a powerful means of really getting to know another
person at a deep level of understanding that will likewise help open doors
to ever deeper insights into their hidden needs and the wants that they
seek to satisfy. Once you are aware of these motives (discussed in the next
branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map) you will have a greater capacity to
persuade and influence them to your way of thinking.

Display Passion & Charisma

Charisma is defined as: A spiritual power or personal quality that gives

an individual influence or authority over large numbers of people.

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Charisma by itself is difficult to describe, as it is a natural outcropping of
many different qualities and personality characteristics. It is something
that is developed over time that requires discipline and patience.

To begin developing your Charisma, start by cultivating the qualities

discussed above. In a future IQ Matrix Mind Map we will discuss how to
Become a Person of Influence, where we will touch upon a myriad of
essential qualities that are required to build your charisma and influence
others to your way of thinking.

Indispensable Skills of Persuasion

The second factor that determines the level of your persuasive ability rests
upon a dozen key fundamental skills that will assist you to enhance your
influence when interacting with others. Lets briefly go through each of
these skills and identify their importance to the persuasive process:

Personal Skills
Our thinking ability is an important element of the persuasive process.
There will always be numerous psychological and physical challenges
that may very easily impede persuasion. As a consequence we must be
mentally prepared and ready for the obstacles that lie ahead.

The following are 3 fundamental personal skills that must be learned in

order to enhance your persuasive abilities:

Thinking Critically

When we think critically we come to understand that what we see on the

surface may indeed be very different to what lies beneath the still
waters. Critical thinking enables us to uncover a world of information
and insight that at first glance may tell a different story. It also allows us
to unlock a persons true needs and motives, thusly enhancing our ability
to persuade them.

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Thinking Creatively

Creative thinking is an important component of persuasion that enables

us to persuade others in unique and clever ways. When, for one reason or
another, you are not making progress in persuading another person to your
way of thinking, than creativity will become your greatest ally. An ally
that will enable you to think outside the box, change your approach and
consequently unlock deep insights about the situation or the psychology
of the person you are attempting to persuade.

Ability to Solve Problems

The persuasive process is riddled with ever changing and transforming

challenges that can potentially stop you in your tracks. In such instances,
your ability to solve problems in an effective and efficient manner will
provide you with the necessary guidance to move you through the
persuasive process with far greater clarity of thought.

Social Skills
Effective persuasion involves a certain level of expertise in a number of
social skill areas. Each of these skills alone build on different levels and
aspects of persuasion that are essential to the persuasive process. Lets
briefly take a look at each one of them and identify the levels of
persuasion they are targeting:

Public Speaking

Public Speaking is a persuasive tool that is utilized to great effect when

persuading groups of people through logical and emotional stories. It
provides us with the confidence and the presence that is required to
present our message effectively to more than one person at a time. Finally,
it also teaches us how to effectively project our voice through a room, and
how to present our message in a way that is understood by a variety of
people with differing social, cultural and educational backgrounds.

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Sales

On the opposite side of the spectrum we have the Sales process. When we
are Speaking in Public we present our message to groups of people,
however when it comes to selling, it usually involves a one-on-one
situation requiring a great deal of trust, respect and honor. Listening also
becomes a critical aspect of the sales process that progressively identifies
and breaks down the other persons deepest needs and wants.

With these 3 key elements in our pocket (trust, respect & honor), we will
be much more persuasive, enabling us to persuade others to our way of
thinking far more readily.

Leadership

Leadership is your ability to persuade another person to do what they

dont want to do, to achieve what they want to achieve. As you can
probably tell, this is no easy feat. People are very resistant towards
undertaking certain and specific tasks. Yet, as a leader your objective is to
persuade them through a sense of inspiration and honor to do something
that is for their greater good and for the greater good of all others
concerned - no matter how distasteful the task may seem in the moment.
Hence leadership is all about inspiration, and this can only come through
a sense of honor, trust and respect for the Leader.

Negotiation

Negotiation is a game of balance that requires open channels of

communication and a steadfast problem solving ability. Your goal is to
essentially solve the other persons problem while giving as little away as
possible. Its very much a game of Chess. You realize at the beginning of
the game that you must sacrifice a certain number of Chess pieces in order
to maneuver your Opponent towards a suitable outcome that will support
both your objectives and goals. You therefore learn to play the balancing
game of give and take, all at the same time trying to persuade the
other person that what you are taking isnt worth nearly as much as
what you are giving away. Again this requires your ability to establish
honor and trust within the relationship.
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Networking

Networking is an intricate game of relationship building. We build one-to-

one relationships and work on establishing honor and trust throughout
the networking process. We also seek to find common goals, values,
objectives and ideas that will allow us to bridge the gap between what is
probable and what is definite and possible. It teaches us the art of getting
to know people at a deep level of understanding, then utilizing this
knowledge of their needs and wants to persuade them to accept our ideas
or ways of thinking.

Rapport Creation

Rapport Creation extends from Networking and basically requires us to

develop strong emotional bonds and ties with the people in our lives.
Once these emotional bonds have been locked away at a deep
psychological level, we can use them to persuade other people to accept
our ideas or ways of thinking.

We will be discussing the process of Rapport Creation in-depth in a future

IQ Matrix Mind Map, which will present you with key strategies and tools
that you must utilize in order to Become a Person of Influence. However,
for now, lets quickly take a look at the 3 key aspects of Rapport Creation
that will help you build trust and honor:

Body Language Awareness

At any one moment in time, we are all communicating with others at two
very different levels of awareness. The 1st level is verbal, while the 2nd
level can only be understood through observing a persons body language.
Often the communication that is verbalized is only part of the message,
while the deep insights can only be gained through observing the
subtleties of the unconscious message that is being sent through a
persons body movements.

You are only as persuasive to the extent that you understand and
identify with the message behind the words that a person is speaking.
Once you have gained clarity and fully comprehend this subtle message,

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you will be better able to adjust your persuasive approach accordingly in
order to target this persons underlying wants and needs.

Communication Skills

Communication skills encompass the habits of effective listening and

talking. Understanding how best to utilize each of these skills is relatively
simple. However, being consciously aware of them every time you are
communicating with someone can be difficult at first, yet over time we
can learn to slowly move away from our old ineffective communication
habits, and enable ourselves to develop deeper levels of rapport with the
people in our lives. We will discuss both of these skills in great depth in a
future IQ Matrix Mind Map.

Seduction Tactics

Finally we have the Art of Seduction. A skill no doubt mastered by the

great Don Juans of this world who sweep women off their feet and into a
world of ecstasy and unbridled pleasure. Yes, these are great stories of
persuasive seduction. But do they have any merit? We will help answer
that question in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map where we will break-down
the components and levels of seduction as they apply to romance and the
world of business.

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Human Motivators: What All People
Want

The 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map breaks down the
psychological human motivators that must be stimulated in order to open
the channels of persuasion.

The 6 Critical Human Needs

The 6 Human Needs are an indispensable component of human
motivation and behavior. Credit for their development can be attributed to
Anthony Robbins and the great work he is doing around the world
helping people better their lives.

On one level or another, whether we know it or not we are all seeking to

experience as many of the 6 Human Needs as possible to the greatest
extent possible - unknowingly realizing that to experience them is to reach
a state of true and lasting happiness and fulfillment. These 6 Human
Needs essentially dictate how we live our life by influencing the decisions
we make and actions we take on a daily basis. Keep in mind that we will

425
dedicate an entire IQ Matrix Mind Map towards breaking down each of
these 6 Human Needs at a later time.

As you read the short summary about each Human Need, keep in mind
everything that have discussed thus far, and how you could potentially
apply this information to persuade others to your way of thinking.

Need for Certainty

People have a natural desire to live with a feeling of Certainty. We do not
want things to change, we seek comfort, we seek security, and we want to
know that everything will work out just the way we imagined it. As a
result we tend to stay within our comfort zones experiencing the familiar
and expected.

How can I persuade others by stimulating their

Need for Certainty?
Need for Uncertainty
When Certainty becomes far too predictable or boring, than we
consciously or sub-consciously seek to create Uncertainty within our
lives. We naturally do this by stepping outside our comfort zones, or by
undertaking activities that we would tend to avoid under normal
circumstances.

Uncertainty creates the feelings of excitement and exhilaration that leads

us towards the unknown. Of course the moment we tend to over satisfy
this Human Need, we experience high levels of stress, anxiety or fear.
Hence, in such instances we will naturally move back into our comfort
zones seeking a sense of Certainty and security.

How can I persuade others by stimulating their

Need for Uncertainty?

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Need for Significance
As we go about our lives, we continuously seek to feel important, unique
and Significant in one way or another. We do this by seeking to obtain
status, acknowledgment or praise for our efforts. We also obtain
Significance by achieving our goals, by learning new things or by simply
wearing the latest fashion styles and trends.

How can I persuade others by stimulating their

Need for Significance?
Need for Connection
While striving for a sense of Significance, we are at the same time driven
to connect with others, life and society in general. This type of
Connection can come in many forms including a Connection with God,
with other people, with nature, with groups, with pets, or even through
self-sacrifice that leads to caring for another persons needs.

As we go about our days we attempt to manage a very delicate balance

between our need for Connection and our need for Significance. The
greater the balance between these two Needs, than the greater sense of
fulfillment and happiness we will experience in lives.

How can I persuade others by stimulating their

Need for Connection?
Need for Growth
In one way or another, we are seeking to experience a sense of Growth as
we progress through life. This Growth can be achieved by learning new
things, developing skills and talents, striving for betterment or simply
learning from our everyday experiences.

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If we are not growing, than we will tend to stagnate and experience bouts
of dissatisfaction at a deeply profound conscious or unconscious level of
awareness.

How can I persuade others by stimulating their

Need for Growth?
Need for Contribution
In order to experience the pinnacle of fulfillment and satisfaction in life,
we will need to satisfy the Need for Contribution. We will naturally seek
to fulfill this Need by working towards a worthy cause that has benefits
for others and to the wider society in general. When the Need for
Contribution has been obtained, than this naturally signifies that all the
other 5 Human Needs have also been fulfilled to a high degree.

How can I persuade others by stimulating their

Need for Contribution?

Pleasure Seeking Motivators

Pleasure is the most powerful emotional need that drives our behavior,
decisions and actions. It is an overwhelming force that motivates people
to undertake temporary periods of pain for the eventual experience of
pleasure that awaits them at the end of the tunnel. As such, utilizing
pleasure to persuade other people to your way of thinking is one of the
most effective tools available in your arsenal.

The following presents a list of common Human Motivators you can

stimulate throughout the persuasive process to persuade others to your
ideas or ways of thinking. As you read through this list, persistently ask
yourself, how you could utilize this information to persuade another
person to support your idea or accept your way of thinking?

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Personal Motivators
The following presents a list of Personal pleasure centered Motivators
that persuade people to make a decision or take a specific action:

Perfect Health

People seek the feelings that are associated with perfect health. We want
to be fit, healthy, look good and feel great every moment for as long as
possible.

Absolute Freedom

People desire personal freedom. We want to be able to do what we want,

when we want, and for how ever long we want. And at the same time we
dont want others to control our decisions or actions. Instead we want to
be the Captains of our own Ships, making our own decisions and taking
actions that will support our highest values, goals and objectives.

Personal Power

People want to experience a sense of Personal Power. They want to feel as

though they are in control of events and circumstances, and they desire to
experience this at a moments notice without repercussions.

Achievement Orientation

People want certainty that they can and will obtain their most cherished
goals and objectives as soon as possible. These are the goals that are
aligned with their highest values and personal needs. They will be
persuaded once you have cleared the obstacles from their path. These are
the obstacles that are currently impeding their progress, and the
challenges that are draining the life force from their souls and their goals.

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Financial Success

People desire to experience financial success. Almost everyone hopes

that they will someday be rich, however for most people this is far beyond
their current patterns of belief. Hence, they will not be persuaded by the
promise of riches. However, they will be persuaded by the promise of
financial security and comfort. And this is the angle that an effective
Persuader must take.

Complete Creative Expression

People want to be able to express themselves creatively without being

ridiculed, judged or criticized. They seek to experience this at work, at
home and during play. The more creative expression they have, the
greater the joys of pleasure they experience and the more susceptible they
become to persuasion.

Hope for a Better Future

People seek a better future. They hope that tomorrow will be better than
today, that next week will be an improvement on last week, and that next
year all their dreams will come true. Yes, many of these hopes are
unrealistic, however many others are closer to reality than they realize. An
effective Persuader must stimulate the small and seemingly insignificant
hopes that each person has and utilize these to build the bigger picture
filled with positive emotions and fulfilment.

Peace of Mind

People desire to experience Peace of Mind throughout their days. There is

so much going on these days that most of us are running around like
headless chickens. We stress, suffer from anxiety attacks and fear for
what tomorrow may bring. If we are therefore given an opportunity to
experience Peace of Mind, even for a short period of time, we will jump
on that bandwagon and ride it all the way to the finish line.

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Comfort & Security

People want to feel comfortable and secure within a familiar environment

that supports all of their needs and wants. They dont want to do things
that raise their levels of anxiety. Instead they just want to relax and feel
secure in the knowledge that everything is under their control and will be
taken care of at a moments notice.

Social Motivators
The following presents a list of Social pleasure cantered Motivators that
persuade people to make a decision or take a specific action:

Good Relationships with Family & Friends

There is probably nothing more stressful than a family in conflict. It eats

at peoples souls one bite at a time, until everything is eaten away. For
this reason people want to experience good, healthy, open and honest
relationships with their family and friends.

A Sense of Roots

People want to feel grounded to mother earth, to their family history,

social group, or cultural background. This gives them a sense of
belonging and familiarity that provides a deep sense of security and
comfort.

The Need to Follow Others

Most people have an undeniable need to follow those who inspire and
motivate them into action. They seek to follow powerful leaders who have
presence, can be trusted and are honorable. These are the keys to
persuasion as discussed within the first branch of this IQ Matrix Mind
Map. However, keep in mind that some people are not followers and
rather prefer to lead from the front. In order to persuade them you will
need to stimulate their pride and need for accomplishment.

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Cooperating with Others

People want to feel as though they are part of a group working together
for a higher purpose and goal. This sense of cooperation they experience
will naturally stimulate a plethora of other needs that a Persuader can
utilize to great effect.

Gaining Respect from Others

When a person enters a social setting, they want to feel confident that they
will be respected by others, and that others will provide them with an
opportunity to prove their true worth and value. All they ask is for an
opportunity. And if they fail, they want more opportunities up until the
moment they are fully integrated into the social setting and on par with all
other individuals.

Consistent Fairness

People seek consistency and fairness, especially when their emotions and
reputation is on the line. They want to feel secure that no matter what
happens that they will be treated fairly and in accordance to past
precedents. Consistency provides them with certainty, and certainty
rewards them with feelings of comfort.

The Acceptance of Others

People want to be accepted by others unconditionally no matter who they

are, what they did, or what possible consequences may result from their
current decisions or actions.

People seek Acceptance in a number of varying ways. The following list

provides a few variations that must be considered:

Meeting Others Expectations

People seek to meet Others expectations of them in thought, word,

decision and action. This Need is so prevalent in our society today that

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most people tend to design their lives around the expectations of others.
Whether they acknowledge this or not they are actually basing their
decisions, behaviors and action on what other people say and do; and this
all occurs at an unconscious level of awareness. A Persuader must
stimulate this Need very subtly, with an understanding that people will
tend not to admit that this Need ever existed.

Being Admired by Others

People seek to be admired by those around them. They want to by

admired not only by their family and friends, but also by passing strangers
who judge them on first impressions. The more admired we are by those
around us, the greater confidence we have in ourselves, which opens up
new doors to ever deeper levels of persuasion.

Others Belief in Personal Ability

People want others to believe in their abilities no matter what the evidence
is to the contrary. People dont care about evidence, all they want is for
someone to believe in them, even if nothing ever eventuates from this
belief. All they desire is a belief that will keep them sane, while filling
their heart with hope for better days. The results or outcomes dont really
matter; at least not at the moment. An effective Persuader will see this and
use it to their advantage.

Gaining Praise & Recognition from Others

People seek praise and recognition from others for their accomplishments
as-well-as their near misses. Praise builds their confidence and this raises
the Pleasure Gauge, which makes them even more susceptible to the
psychological tactics of persuasion.

Gaining Approval from Others

Whether consciously or unconsciously, people naturally tend to seek

approval from specific individuals in their lives. These individuals are like
barometers that help them measure the effectiveness of their decision
making process and behaviors. When approval isnt received they tend to

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wilt away emotionally fighting through anger and self-doubt. However,
when approval is given, they are like sunflowers radiating in the sunlight.
An effective Persuader knows how to tap into this Need and stimulates it
to its full effect.

Emotional Motivators
The following presents a list of Emotional Motivators that persuade
people to make a decision or take an action that moves them towards
pleasure:

Unbridled Happiness

People seek to be happy above all other emotions. Happiness is a natural

outcropping of love, confidence, joy and fulfilment that brings about great
satisfaction and makes the hard times easier to bear. An effective
Persuader realizes the power of this emotion and stimulates it to its full
extent.

High Self-Esteem

People want to feel confident in themselves as a person and in their ability

when directly compared with other people.

There are a great plethora of tools that a Persuader can utilize to stimulate
the feelings of high self-esteem in a person. Many of these tools have
already been discussed above, while many others will be discussed in
detail in future IQ Matrix Mind Maps.

Emotional Security

People seek emotional security. Even if their world is spinning out of

control, they want to have the full assurance that at least their emotions
are in check. The moment they feel their emotions are in check, is the
moment they believe that the rest of the world will eventually work itself
out as well. Providing them with simple techniques and strategies will do
the trick here. These will be discussed in a future IQ Matrix Mind Map

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that will tackle the varying levels of emotion we experience on a daily
basis.

Pain Avoiding Motivators

For some people Pain has a greater influence on their decision making and
actions than Pleasure. These types of people tend to make decisions and
take actions that move them away from pain rather than towards pleasure.
These types of people are far more easily persuaded by utilizing some of
the following stimulants:

Fear
We are a society of Fear Phobics. We dont like to be afraid and we will
therefore do whatever it takes to avoid experiencing this powerful
negative emotion. Living in constant fear stresses the body, weakens the
mind and leads to very undesirable consequences. An effective Persuader
has the ability to stimulate this fear in short bursts while communicating
with others. This is usually followed by bursts of relief, joy or happiness
which takes the person on an emotional roller-coaster ride of great peaks
and valleys.

Failure
As a human species we are very achievement oriented. We are driven to
reach goals and objectives on a daily basis, no matter how insignificant
they may seem. This drive however has a dark-side. If we do not obtain
these goals we label ourselves as a failure. This usually stems from the act
of comparing ourselves with others.

An effective Persuader understands that nobody wants to fail or be

perceived as a failure by others. Hence they utilize this knowledge to their
advantage and structure their persuasive message to stimulate this pain
and move the person emotionally in the desired direction of their
choosing.

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Rejection
People seek to fit in, and want to be accepted unconditionally by others.
For this very reason Rejection is a powerful motivator that an effective
Persuader has in their arsenal of tools.

Losing Something
People fear losing something. We become so emotionally attached to the
physical possessions in our lives, or to the mental energy we give away,
that the moment we lose our grasp is the moment we desperately push
ourselves forward in an attempt to move away from the pain, and take
back some semblance of control. An effective Persuader sees a great
opportunity here. They find out exactly what their victim is afraid of
losing and they persuasively convince them that this is closer to reality
than they ever imagined was possible. Shortly afterwards a simple yet
effective solution is presented that removes the pain and brings about
relief and pleasure.

Criticism or Looking Foolish

People will do anything to avoid looking foolish or being criticized by
others. For this very reason people fear Public Speaking over death. Given
this fact, this could very well be the most powerful pain associating
force that a Persuader can utilize throughout the persuasion process.

The Unknown
People fear not knowing what to do, or not being able to predict what will
happen next. This uncertainty keeps people within a comfort zone. Hence,
when a Persuader convinces others that their current decision or action
will lead them down an unknown path of uncertainty, than this alone
could very well be enough to persuade them to make a turn for the
opposite direction.

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The Fundamental Principles of Persuasion

The 3rd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map presents you with a generic
process for persuasion that will help you get what you want, every time. It
also breaks down a variety of obstacles to persuasion and discusses the
fundamental laws that govern the art of persuading others to your way of
thinking.

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Indispensable Laws of Persuasion
Within the following Laws lay the foundational building blocks of
persuasion and influence. Most of these laws where first presented by
Robert B. Cialdini who dedicated years of his life towards researching
the psychological triggers of persuasion. However, keep in mind that
these Laws are only complimentary pieces to everything that has been
discussed thus far. They are effective and comprehensive, however, if you
dont first reconfigure your mindset and develop the necessary skills of
persuasion, than you will fail to fully capitalize on the power that these
laws can bring forth into the persuasive process.

The following presents a quick overview of each Law. In a future IQ

Matrix Mind Map we will go into greater depth and break down each Law
in finite detail.

The word Victim is utilized to represent the Persuadee. This is

intentional and is designed to awaken us to the reality of these techniques
and the impact they have had on our lives from a Victims perspective.

Law 1: Balance
Effective Persuaders understand that their persuasive message must
stimulate both the emotional and logical centers of their Victims mind.
They stimulate positive and negative emotions by getting people involved
in emotional stories that relate to aspects of their own life. Conversely
they stimulate logic by utilizing statistics, examples, analogies,
testimonials, graphs, charts, etc.

Law 2: Social Validation

Effective Persuaders understand the importance of building a sense
artificial popularity around the message they are presenting to others.
They show their Victims that what they are presenting them with is
coveted by others who have similar interests, values, beliefs, attitudes, etc.
They provide testimonials while presenting their product or service as
being the fastest growing and best selling. Their underlying goal is to

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bridge the perceived psychological gap between their Victims Needs and
the Needs of others who are just like them.

Law 3: Dissonance
Effective Persuaders clearly recognize that people will seek to maintain
consistency with their past decisions, values, attitudes, behaviors and
beliefs under most circumstances. They utilize this to their advantage by
initially making small requests of their Victims in order to encourage
affirmative responses. These small Yes responses and steps create
dissonance. The Persuader eventually begins making ever larger requests
of their Victim until their outcome has been achieved. Under most
circumstances people will continue to agree to the Persuaders
offerings, as they seek to maintain consistency with their past responses
and avoid the feelings of dissonance.

Law 4: Contrast
Effective Persuaders present their Victim with a contrast of choices. Their
goal is to convince their Victim to purchase Product E. This is a higher
ticket item that may be slightly outside their Victims price range.
However, instead of showing them Product E to begin with, they instead
show them Products A through D. They inform their Victim that Product
A, B, C and D have several undesirable options that dont quite match
their Victims needs. They eventually work their way up to Product E that
meets their Victims Needs perfectly.

The Law can also be utilized effectively by initially making a large

request that you know with certainty will be negated by your Victim.
Follow this up immediately with your desired smaller request and
measure the result. Under most circumstances people are more likely to
say Yes to the 2nd request if it is preceded by the larger request.

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Law 5: Obligation
Effective Persuaders realize that by giving away free samples, extra
services, inside knowledge or gifts, will create a state of psychological
debt within their Victims minds. This debt will create a void that the
Victim will seek to fill through reciprocation. This could be in the form
of an agreement, with knowledge or anything else for that matter that will
wipe out this psychological debt from their consciousness.

Law 6: Expectation
Effective Persuaders understand that people normally behave according to
the expectations set by others. They will use this to their advantage by
unconsciously sending persuasive signals of expectation towards their
Victim which are based on their psychological desires and wants.
Moreover, they utilize the expectations and opinions of others (people
with psychological influence over their Victims lives) to maneuver their
Victim into a decisive frame of mind.

Law 7: Self-Esteem
Effective Persuaders do all they can to build their Victims level of self-
esteem. They clearly understand that the more recognition, praise,
acceptance and genuine compliments they pay their Victim, that the more
likely they are to persuade them to their ideas or ways of thinking.

Law 8: Involvement
Effective Persuaders realize that by involving their Victims in specific
activities related to their idea, product or service will effectively open
them up to the forces of persuasion. The greater the emotional
involvement the Victim experiences, the more susceptible they will
become to the persuasive process.

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Law 9: Association
Effective Persuaders utilize methods of association to trigger and
stimulate deep reservoirs of emotion within their Victims minds. These
triggers can include pleasant music, colors, symbols, sounds, celebrities,
etc. The Victim naturally associates each trigger to a specific feeling or
emotion based on past experience. Therefore, when these triggers are
associated and coupled together with a specific product, idea or service,
than the Victim begins to associate these same feelings and emotions to
these stimuli as well, and the persuasive process runs its full course.

Law 10: Scarcity

Effective Persuaders clearly understand that at times their Victims will
utilize every trick in the book to postpone making a decision. As a result
the Persuader seeks to create urgency by limiting availability, price, time,
supply, access, opportunity or by presenting them with a deadline by
which they must make a decision. These tactics play on the Law of
Scarcity, which stimulates the pain and pleasure emotional centers of the
brain and forces the Victim to make a decision.

Law 11: Connectivity

The final Law of the Persuasive process is the Law of Connectivity.
Within this Law lie sound and fundamental principles that enable you to
open the channels of communication between you and your Victim. We
will discuss all these aspects in great depth in a future IQ Matrix Mind
Map which will delve into detail on how to Become a Person of Influence.

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Guidelines for Persuasion
Having gone through the Laws of Persuasion, it is now important to spend
a little time covering some general guidelines that will wrap things up and
prepare your mind to begin implementing the psychology of persuasion in
your interactions with others.

Triggering Persuasion through Pain & Pleasure

When it comes down to it, persuasion is all about reaching an intricate
balance between the forces of pain and pleasure. We have already
discussed this to a degree in a previous branch. Here we will finalize this
discussion by briefly pointing out how you can target both the pain and
pleasure receptors to persuade others to your way of thinking.

Targeting the Pleasure Receptors

When seeking to stimulate a persons Pleasure receptors you must

effectively trigger their emotional brain, which is motivated through
inspiration and talk about personal gains.

Targeting the Pain Receptors

When seeking to stimulate a persons Pain receptors you must effectively

trigger their logical thinking brain, which is motivated through
desperation and talk about potential losses.

The Generic Process of Persuasion

The persuasive process doesnt necessarily follow a structured design.
Instead it is something that must be adjusted and adapted to the situation
and psychological characteristics of the people or person you are
attempting to persuade. Although, having said that, we can however
loosely piece together a standard method of persuasion that is commonly
utilized throughout society. Keep in mind that these 7 steps are only rough

443
guidelines to help provide some structure and guidance as you venture
through the psychological tactics of persuasion.

Step 1: Identify Peoples Problem

Your first step in the persuasive process is to identify a problem that the
person you are attempting to persuade is experiencing. Without first
identifying a problem you will simply have nothing to leverage, and
therefore the persuasive process will flicker out before it even begins.

The best way to identify a problem is simply through a means of asking

effective questions. Keep in mind that at times people may not be aware
of their problems on a conscious level. In such instances your first goal
will be to bring this problem into their conscious mind, and work on
expanding the consequences of the problem from there.

As a final thought, make sure that the problem you have identified is more
than just a minor inconvenience, or at least make it appear to be more than
this. Otherwise your Victim will have very little motivation to change,
and will therefore close themselves off to your persuasive methods.

Step 2: Trigger Imagination of Life without

Problem

Having established an emotional problem, your goal now is to stimulate

your Victims imagination. Present them with an ideal picture, or a
beautiful canvas of how their life will become when they never
experience this problem again. The key here is to keep asking questions.
Dont tell them how things will be, instead ask them questions that will
help them reveal the answers for themselves.

Step 3: Provide Knowledge through Logic &

Emotion

At this stage your goal is to present your Victim with a logical and
emotional solution to the problem, which involves introducing them to the
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product, service or knowledge you are offering. Your solution must
emotionally, logically and effectively resolve the problem once and for
all.

Step 4: Maximize Gains & Minimize Losses

Here your goal is to maximize the positive aspects of what youre offering
while at the same time minimizing any undesirable consequences that
may result from this decision. You must also effectively subdue any
resistance or doubt that may be lingering in your Victims mind. Utilizing
a few Laws of Persuasion at this point may help you to gain the leverage
you need to jump start the persuasive process.

Step 5: Trigger Human Motivators

Your major objective here is to trigger a handful of key Human

Motivators discussed in the 2nd Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind Map. The
more thoroughly this step is undertaken the greater your persuasive power
will become.

Step 6: Stimulate Future Imaginings of Fulfillment

This stage is all about stimulating the Pleasure centers of the brain. Make
your Victim feel secure in the knowledge that they are making the right
decision and that this will solve all their problems and lead them to a life
of happiness and fulfillment. Or something along those lines

Step 7: Provide a Powerful Guarantee

Conclude the persuasive process by providing your Victim with a

powerful guarantee that will give them security and peace of mind.

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Our Human Capacity to Resist Persuasion
Sometimes no matter how effective we are at persuading others to our
ideas or ways of thinking, every now and then we always seem to come
across a handful of common obstacles that impede our progress and
unfortunately drag the persuasive process beyond our control.

The following presents a list of common ways people resist persuasion.

Keep in mind that these are only minor obstacles, and that the solutions to
these challenges can be found within this article post.

Fear of Change or the Unknown

People resist persuasion because theyre afraid of change and the
unknown. This resistance can be effectively dealt with by helping the
individual find certainty and moving them towards pleasure centered
motivators.

Dont Trust or Like You

People resist persuasion because they simply dont trust or like you. This
resistance can be effectively dealt with by cultivating the qualities of
honor and trust described within the 1st Branch of this IQ Matrix Mind
Map.

No Urgency or Need
People resist persuasion because they dont have a need or there is no
urgency motivating their behavior. In such circumstances you must go
back to the drawing board and identify a deeper underlying emotional
problem that will stimulate this person to take action. Otherwise you may
like to utilize the Law of Scarcity to move your Victim towards a
decisive decision.

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Lack of Resources, Knowledge or Finances
People resist persuasion because they are lacking resources, knowledge or
finances. In such instances you must spend time educating them about
your idea and product, or provide them with a different perspective or
potential alternative options that will help them make a definite decision.

No Authority
People resist persuasion because they dont have any authority to make a
decision. The simple solution is to speak with the person who has the
authority to make this decision.

Doubtful & Skeptic

People resist persuasion because they are doubtful or skeptical about the
offer you are making. Here you have not provided them with enough
information, or they simply do not trust you.

Final Thoughts
There is little doubt that our ability to persuade others to our way of
thinking is one of the most important and indispensable skills that we
must learn and master. With it, we can climb the corporate ladder, win
sales, advance our business forward, and convince our romantic partner
and kids to our way of thinking :). Conversely without it, we are merely
leaves blowing haphazardly in the wind; at the mercy of external forces
people and events that control our every decision and action like puppets
on a string.

I hope you enjoyed this post. If you have any further queries or questions,
or would like to share your experiences about this topic, than please do so
in the comments section below.

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Spotlight on the Master Mind Matrix
The Psychology of Persuasion is an important and indispensable
component of the MasterMind Matrix.

[ View Larger Image ]

The Master Mind Matrix is a Psychological Chart of Personal Success

and Achievement. It is used as an effective Self-Coaching tool that will
help guide you through the personal obstacles, setbacks and limitations
that may stand in your way as you progress towards the attainment of
your goals and objectives in the field of academics, business, career,
sports, or life in general.

Each IQ Matrix Mind Map that is available through this website

represents a single cell fragment of the Master Mind Matrix. For more
information and images, visit the Master Mind Matrix page.

448
Free Articles & Online Resources

Here are a number of highly recommended free articles and online

resources that will further help expand your understanding about this
topic:
o 9 Secret Ways to Persuade & Influence @ Dumb Little Man
o The Four Ps of Persuasion @ Brian Tracy
o Becoming a Master of Persuasion @ Brian Tracy
o The Science of Persuasion: Getting Things Done by Getting Others to
do Them for You @ GTD Times
o The Art of Persuasion @ Cultivate Greatness
o Subliminal Persuasion @ Subliminal Persuasion Book
o Free Persuasion Articles @ Selling & Persuasion Techniques
o General Persuasion Techniques @ Changing Minds
o 5 Psychological Secrets of Persuasive Marketing Success @ Mind
Power Marketing
o The One Way to Get Others to do What You Want @ Mind Power
Marketing
o The 5 Steps to Getting What You Want @ Mind Power Marketing
o The 10 Best Ways to Persuade @ Sources of Insight

Recommended Products

Secrets of Power Persuasion - Do you know someone who

has an amazing ability to persuade people? In this
remarkable program, Roger Dawson shows you the
strategies and tactics that will enable you to persuade people
in virtually any situation. Not by using phony promises and
certainly not with threats, but because they perceive its in
their best interests to do what you say.

449
Recommended Books

o Persuasion: The Art of Getting What You Want by Dave Lakhani

o Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert B. Cialdini
o Persuasion IQ: The 10 Skills You Need to Get Exactly What You
Want by Kurt Mortensen
o The Psychology of Persuasion: How to Persuade Others to Your
Way of Thinking by Kevin Hogan
o Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive by Noah J.
Goldstein, Steve J. Martin & Robert B. Cialdini
o Maximum Influence: The 12 Laws of Power Persuasion by Kurt W.
Mortensen
o Covert Persuasion: Psychological Tactics and Tricks to Win the
Game by Kevin Hogan & James Speakman

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John Maxwell: Leadership Ladder
Influence is within your reach.

Leadership is Influence
Whats the fastest way to
understand how leadership
works and to learn how to
lead others? Whats the
fastest way to teach it to
others? Those are
questions Ive been asking
myself for over 40 years.
Maybe youve been asking
yourself those kinds of
questions, too.

To some people, leadership

is intuitive. It comes fairly
easily. They act on instinct;
what they do works and they
cant easily explain it. To
other people, leadership is a
mystery. They have no idea
what dynamics are at play.
All they know is that
sometimes people listen to
what they have to say and
work with them, and other
times theyre alone scratching their heads.

Leadership is dynamic. Its fluid. It changes from person to person, from

moment to moment. But that doesnt mean it doesnt follow a pattern. And
it doesnt mean you cant develop a level of mastery, even if you dont
possess abundant natural leadership gifts.

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I want to acquaint you with a way of looking at and teaching leadership that
Ive used to train leaders for nearly 30 years. Its called The Five Levels of
Leadership. It is by far the most requested topic people want me to speak
aboutfrom small teams to huge corporations like Delta Airlines. And Ive
finally written a book about it that teaches a potential leader how to move
from an entry-level position to the pinnacle of leadership.

Heres how it works. Influence is gained with people in levelsfive levels

to be exact. Every person who leads others has to start at the bottom level
with another person and work his or her way up to higher levels one at a
time.

Level 1Position
Position is the lowest level of leadershipthe entry level. The only
influence a positional leader has is that which comes with the job title.
People follow because they have to. Positional leadership is based on the
rights granted by the position and title. Nothing is wrong with having a
leadership position. Everything is wrong with using position to get people
to follow. Position is a poor substitute for influence.

People who make it only to Level 1 may be bosses, but they are never
leaders. They have subordinates, not team members. They rely on rules,
regulations, policies and organizational charts to control their people. Their
people will only follow them within the stated boundaries of their authority.
And their people will usually do only what is required of them. When
positional leaders ask for extra effort or time, they rarely get it.
Positional leaders usually have difficulty working with volunteers, younger
people and the highly educated. Why? Because positional leaders have no
influence, and these types of people tend to be more independent.

Position is the only level that does not require ability and effort to achieve.
Anyone can be appointed to a position.

Level 2Permission
Level 2 is based entirely on relationships. On the permission level, people
follow because they want to. When you like people and treat them like
individuals who have value, you begin to develop influence with them. You

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develop trust. The environment becomes much more positivewhether at
home, on the job, at play or while volunteering.
The agenda for leaders on Level 2 isnt preserving their position. Its
getting to know their people and figuring out how to get along with them.
Leaders find out who their people are. Followers find out who their leaders
are. People build solid, lasting relationships.

You can like people without leading them, but you cannot lead people well
without liking them. Thats what Level 2 is about.

Level 3Production
One of the dangers of getting to the permission level is that a leader will
stop there. But good leaders dont just create a pleasant working
environment. They get things done! Thats why they must move up to
Level 3, which is based on results. On the production level leaders gain
influence and credibility, and people begin to follow them because of what
they have done for the organization.

Many positive things begin happening when leaders get to Level 3. Work
gets done, morale improves, profits go up, turnover goes down and goals
are achieved. It is also on Level 3 that momentum kicks in.

Leading and influencing others becomes fun on this level. Success and
productivity have been known to solve a lot of problems.

Level 4People Development

Leaders become great not because of their power, but because of their
ability to empower others. That is what leaders do on Level 4. They use
their position, relationships and productivity to invest in their followers and
develop them until those followers become leaders in their own right. The
result is reproduction; Level 4 leaders reproduce themselves.

Production may win games, but people development wins championships.

Two things always happen on Level 4. First, teamwork goes to a very high
level. Why? Because the high investment in people deepens relationships,
helps people to know one another better and strengthens loyalty. Second,
performance increases. Why? Because there are more leaders on the team,
and they help to improve everybodys performance.

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Level 4 leaders change the lives of the people they lead. Accordingly, their
people follow them because of what their leaders have done for them
personally. And their relationships are often lifelong.

Level 5Pinnacle
The highest and most difficult level of leadership is the pinnacle. While
most people can learn to climb to Levels 1 through 4, Level 5 requires not
only effort, skill and intentionality, but also a high level of talent. Only
naturally gifted leaders ever make it to this highest level. What do leaders
do on Level 5? They develop people to become Level 4 leaders.
Developing leaders to the point where they are able and willing to develop
other leaders is the most difficult leadership task of all. But here are the
payoffs: Level 5 leaders develop Level 5 organizations. They create
opportunities that other leaders dont. They create legacy in what they do.
People follow them because of who they are and what they represent. In
other words, their leadership gains a positive reputation. As a result, Level
5 leaders often transcend their position, their organization and sometimes
their industry.

http://www.success.com/articles/1569-john-c-maxwell-leadership-ladder

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The Five Levels of Leadership.
(Bookreview - peagama reviews)
In his book, The 5 Levels of Leadership, John C. Maxwell unfolds
leadership as a step-by-step process with discernable and definable stages.
To him leadership is influence, if people can increase their influence on
others, they can lead more effectively.

The five levels of leadership defines leadership as a verb not a noun. The
challenge of leadership is to create change and facilitate growth. The 5
levels provide a clear step for growth.

John Maxwell further explains ten insights to help people understand these
leadership levels.

1. You can move to the next level but you must never leave the
previous level behind.
2. You are not on the same level with every person. You may be at
level two with your family at home but level 3 with your
employees at work.
3. The higher you go, the easier it gets for you to lead.
4. The higher you go, the more time and commitment is required to
win a level. There is no easy way to get up.
5. Moving up the levels goes slowly but going down goes easily.
6. The higher you go, the greater the returns.
7. Moving further always requires further growth. Every risk at a
higher level is a natural extension of what the leaders have by then
developed.
8. Not climbing the levels limits you and your people. If your
leadership is at level 3, you effectiveness would be nothing more
than 3.
9. When you change positions or organizations, you seldom stay at
the same level.
10. And finally, you cannot climb the level alone.

Lets look at the five levels of leaders into details.

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LEVEL 1 POSITION
It comes with a title or job description according to John Maxwell and it is
the starting place for every level of leadership. People rely heavily on the
positions to lead and there is nothing wrong with having a leadership
position. In his own words, Maxwell noted that, its the bottom floor and
the foundation upon which influence must be built. Leaders at this initial
level have been invited to the leadership table, but they may not yet be able
to command respect outside of their stated authority.

Upside: First, it is given to people because they have leadership potential,

according to Maxwell. It is a privilege and hence authority is recognized.
Secondly, the position allows potential leaders to shape and define their
leadership. Quoting the Board chairman of Lead2lead, John Maxwell said,
Leadership is much less about what you do and much more about who you
are.
To succeed at this stage, one must know his values. Values, to J. Maxwell
can be in three areas, Ethical values, Relational values and success values.
And finally, he noted, mature leaders use their positions to drive high
performance.

Down side: 1. Having position is often misleading. It promises more than

it can deliver, according to John Maxwell. Leaders of position often have
the I have arrived aspect. Positional leaders make people feel small. To
Maxwell, leadership is action not positions. Positions often devalue people.
2. Positional leaders feed on politics. They work to gain titles.
3. Positional leaders place rights over responsibilities. Positional leaders
who rely on rights develop a self of entitlements. They expect to be served
instead of serve people. To add to the point Maxwell quoted Abraham
Lincoln Nearly all men stand adversity but if you want to test a mans
character, give him power.
4. Positional leaders are often lonely. Leadership is not about standing on
top of other but standing beside others.
5. Positional leaders get branded and stranded. The position doesnt make
the leader the leader makes the position.

In concluding this part, Maxwell noted some points needed to make the
most out of leve1.

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 1. Stop relying on position to push people. The best leader dont use
positions to get things done, they use others skill.
2. Trading entitlements for commitment. Leadership to Maxwell is
not a right, its a privilege. Good leaders dont take anything for
granted. They keep working and leading.
3. Leave your position and move towards you people. Quoting
Socrates, Maxwell noted let him that would move that world, first
move himself.

LEVEL 2 PERMISSION
This is the second level of leadership according to John Maxwell. Over
here, You Cant Lead People until You like People. On this level, leaders
listen to people and people listen to them. Leaders at this stage need to
make people know they matter. Focus on the value of each person.

True leadership comes into being at Permission Level. In Level 1,

subordinates did what they were asked only to avoid punishment and to
keep their job. However, at Level 2, people begin to follow willingly
because the leader has built relationships with them. Since they get along
with the leader, they gladly go along with him or her.

Some downsides are as follows; first, this kind of leadership is too soft for
some people. Moreover, leading by permission can be frustrating for high
achievers. In addition, Maxwell noted that, Permission leaders can be taken
advantage of. This level requires openness to be effective and also difficult
for people who are not naturally likeable by others. To be more likeable,
one needs to make choices to care about others and find something likeable
about everyone.

This level according to Maxwell also forces you to deal with the whole
person. To solve the problems of this level one must do the following;
1. Develop a people-oriented leadership style.
2. Practice the golden rule.
3. Become a chief encourager of your team
4. Strike a balance between Care and Candor. What makes a family
great is not what makes a team great. Family values commitment
over contribution, business values contribution over commitment,
Maxwell noted. Care without Candor leads to dysfunctional

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 relationship, Candor without care leads to distance relationships,
but care with candor leads to developing relationships.
5. Good leaders must embrace both care & candor, Maxwell
emphasized.

LEVEL 3 PRODUCTION
To Maxwell this level of leadership communicates the vision through
actions. When follows see good results, they get a good reason to follow.
Production qualifies and separates leaders from people who merely occupy
leadership positions. According to John Maxwell, in Level 3, leaders
influence intensifies as they consistently generate results. Producers create
a winning culture, and they reap the benefits of positive momentum and
high morale. In addition, their reputation for making things happen begins
to attract high-achievers to the team.

Over here, if you remove production, people would stop to follow. That is a
major downside according to Maxwell. The weight of leadership here is
heavier. Another downsides is that being productive can make you think
youre a leader whiles you not. Production leaders also require making
difficult decision.

Persevering at this stage is helpful. Production leaders must pay particular

attention to level 2. Understand how your personal gifts contribute to the
vision to be able to succeed at this level. Developing your people in to a
team is also good to be successful at the level according to Maxwell.

LEVEL 4 PEOPLE DEVELOPMENT

Over here, John Maxwell noted that, leaders reproduce themselves.
Meaning, they change the lives of people they lead. In his own words, this
level involves helping individual leaders grow extends your influence and
impact at Level 4, leaders transition from producers of profits to
developers of people. They come to understand that people are an
organizations most appreciable asset, and they reproduce their influence
by growing their teammates into leaders.

To Maxwell developers acquire an eye for talent, and they do their utmost
to bring the best out of each person within their sphere of influence. As

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they unleash the unique strengths of the people on the team, the entire
organization rises to new heights.

At this level, people follow because of what you have done for them
personally and thats important to note. People love to follow you because
you are developing them and start feeling happy because theyre being
better, and become loyal to you and give you the credit.

LEVEL 5 PINNACLE:
The highest leadership accomplishment is developing other leaders to level
4 and this is what Level 5 is about. It involves high level of challenge.
People follow this kind of leaders for who they are and what they represent.

To Maxwell, only naturally gifted leaders reach the Pinnacle. By Level 5,

leaders have gained a reputation for excellence, and people follow them on
account of who they are and what they represent. Pinnacle leaders have
created a legacy that transcends their organization and extends beyond their
industry. Developing leaders that can in turn develop leaders is hard work
and takes a great deal of skill, focus, and a lifetime commitment. But those
leaders that do create Level 5 organizations. They create opportunities that
other leaders dont. Level 5 leaders leverage their own leadership through
others. When you lead an organization, you cant be focused on just
fulfilling the vision or getting work done. John Maxwell.

Best behaviors at this level include, making room for other leaders at the
top. To Maxwell, developing leaders at this level require great skills. In
addition, to be of best behavior, one needs to see potential leaders at who
the can be rather than who they are.

As a level 5 leader you need to decide what you want your legacy to be.
Change leaders and make them greater.

Key Laws of leadership at this level

1. The Law of Respect
2. The Law of Intuition
3. The law of timing

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I would conclude with a message from John C Maxwell, No matter where
you are in your leadership, remember, what got you to where you are, can
get you ahead of the next level. The goal of life is not to live forever; the
goal of life is to leave something that would live forever.

Coaching De Vida
Available at http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Jaimelavie

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21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership
by John Maxwell

1. The Law of the Lid

Your leadership ability creates a lid on your effectiveness. You cannot be
more effective than the level of your leadership will allow.

2. The Law of Influence

Leadership = Influence. It is as simple as that. The person who has the most
influence in an organization is the true leader, whether his title says that or
not.

3. The Law of Process

Becoming a good leader is a process. It is much like investing, if you
expect to get rich quick you are going to fail. If you think you can just be a
great leader tomorrow because you want to, think again. You have to work
at it for a long period of time.

4. The Law of Navigation

The law of navigation comes down to this simple acrostic - PLAN
AHEAD;
Predetermine a Course of Action
Lay Out Your Goals
Adjust Your Priorities
Notify Key Personnel
Allow Time for Acceptance
Head into Action
Except Problems
Always Point to the Successes
Daily Review Your Plan

5. The Law of E.F. Hutton

When the real leader speaks, people listen. The person in the leadership
position has to realize that someone else may be the real leader.

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6. The Law of Solid Ground
No leader can break trust with his people and expect to keep influencing
them. Trust is the foundation of leadership. Violate the Law of Solid
Ground, and youre through as a leader.

7. The Law of Respect

Followers are attracted to better leaders than themselves. On a scale from 1-
10, an 8 isnt normally going to follow a 6. He is generally going to seek
out a 9 or a 10.

8. The Law of Intuition

Leaders read their situation, read trends, and read their resources.

Situation - Leaders capture details that others dont see. They know how
figure out what is going on by reading their surroundings.

Trends - Things happen in the context of a bigger picture. Leaders can see
where they are and where they are headed.

Resources - Successful individuals think in terms of what they can do.

Successful leaders see things in terms of their resources and use the best
tool for their job.

9. The Law of Magnetism

You will only be able to attract people who are like yourself.

10. The Law of Connection

You have to make a connection with a person before you can ask them for
the help you need.

11. The Law of the Inner Circle

Every leaders potential is determined by the people that are closest to him.
A good leader with a weak organization wont be able to accomplish as
much as he otherwise would.

12. The Law of Empowerment

Leaders have to be able to give power to others so that they will be able to
achieve more than they could alone.

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13. The Law of Reproduction
It takes a leader to make a leader. Many great leaders have gotten to where
they are because they learned from the best.

14. The Law of Buy-In

If your followers buy-in to you as a leader, they will buy-in to your vision
as well.
15. The Law of Victory
Victorious leaders have an inability to accept defeat. They put winning
above personal pride and find a way to get the job done.

16. The Law of the Big Mo

It takes a leader to create momentum, but after it gets going its much easier
to steer and accomplish great things.

17. the Law of Priorities

Activities arent always productive. Doing something just for the sake of
doing wont take you very far. Leaders are able to prioritize the most
important things that need accomplished.

18. The Law of Sacrifice

Responsibilities increase and rights decrease as you rise in leadership. You
have to accept sacrifice if you want to become a great leader.

19. The Law of Timing

Only the right action at the right time will result in success. A good leader
will not only know what to do but when to do it.

20. The Law of Explosive Growth

To add growth, lead followers. To multiply growth, lead leaders. If you
want explosive growth you have to bring leaders into your organization that
can get others to follow them.

21. The Law of Legacy

Good leaders are able to have success even after they move on because of
they legacy they leave. They build strong organizations and they train
effective leaders that are able to take the over the reins after they leave.

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21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader
By: John Maxwell
Leadership Outline
If you can become the leader you ought to be on the inside, you will be
able to become the person you want on the outside. People will want to
follow you. And when that happens, youll be able to tackle anything in
this world.

1. Character
2. Charisma
3. Commitment
4. Communication
5. Competence
6. Courage
7. Discernment
8. Focus
9. Generosity
10. Initiative
11. Listening
12. Passion
13. Positive Attitude
14. Problem Solving
15. Relationships
16. Responsibility
17. Security
18. Self-Discipline
19. Servant hood
20. Teach ability
21. Vision

Character: Leadership is the capacity and will to rally men to a common

purpose and the character which inspires confidence.
Be a Piece of the Rock - Leadership is the capacity and will to rally men
and women to a common purpose and the character which inspires
confidence. Bernard Montgomery, British Field Marshal

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 What must everyone know about character?
Actions are the Real Indicator of Character
Talent is a Gift, but Character is a Choice
Character Brings Lasting Success with People
Strong Character is the Foundation on which to Build Success

How a leader deals with the circumstances of life tells you many things
about his character. Crisis doesnt necessarily make character, but it
certainly does reveal it.
We choose our character. In fact, we create it every time we make
choices.
The respect that leadership must have requires that ones ethics be
without question. A leader not only stays above the line, between right
& wrong, he stays well clear of the gray-areas.

Charisma: The First Impression Can Seal the Deal

How can you have charisma? Be more concerned about making others feel
good about themselves than you are making them feel good about you.
Dan Reiland, Vice President of Leadership Development, INJOY

When it comes to charisma, the bottom line is othermindedness. Leaders

who think about others and their concerns before thinking of themselves
exhibit charisma. John C. Maxwell
I have yet to find the man who did not do better work and put forth
greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism.
Charisma is the ability to draw people to you.
People enjoy leaders who love and are passionate about life.
One of the best things you can do for people is expect the best of them.
Highly successful people could only see the good in people.
The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches but
to reveal to him his own.
Hope is greatest of all possessions.
As you lead people, give of yourself. Share wisdom, resources, and
even special occasions.

Commitment: People do not follow uncommitted leaders.

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It separates Doers from Dreamers
To the boxer, its getting off the mat one more time than youve
been knocked down.
To the marathoner, its running another ten miles when your
strength is gone.
To the solider, its going over the hill, not knowing whats waiting
on the other side.
To the leader, its all that and more because everyone you lead it
depending on you.
Improve your Commitment

Look at how you spend your time, are you really committed or do
you just say you are?
Know whats worth dying for.
Practice the Edison method. Make your plans public, then you
might be more committed to follow through.

Michelangelo God will see.

The world has never seen a great leader who lacked commitment.
Law of Buy-in: People buy into the leader, then the vision.
Some people want everything to be perfect before theyre willing to
commit themselves to anything. But commitment always precedes
achievement.
Jordan Heart separates the good from the great.
The only real measure of commitment is action.
There will be times when commitment is the only thing that carries you
forward.

Communication: Communicators take something complicated and make

it simple.
Without It You Travel Alone

Simplify your Message- Its not what you say, but also how you
say it.
Really Care about your Audience
Show the Truth- Believe what you say, Live what you say
Seek a Response- the goal of all communication is action

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 Developing excellent communication skills is absolutely essential
to effective leadership.
The leader must be able to share knowledge and ideas to transmit a
sense of urgency and enthusiasm to others.

If a leader cant get a message across clearly to motivate others to act on

it, then having a message doesnt even matter. Gilbert Amelio
The key to effective communication is simplicity.
Speeches = Exciting opening, dramatic summary, as close together as
possible.
To become a better communicator, become audience-oriented. People
believe in great communicators because great communicators believe in
people.
As you communicate, never forget that the goal of communication is
action.

Competence: Competence is the leaders ability to say it, plan it, and do
it in such a way that others know that you know how and know that they
want to follow you.
If you build it, they will come
Competence goes beyond words. Its the leaders ability to say it, plan it,
and do it in such a way that others know that you know how- and know that
they want to follow you. John. C. Maxwell

Keys to Cultivate High Competence

Show up Every Day & Come Ready to Work
Keep Learning, Growing, and Improving
Follow Through with Excellence
Accomplish More than Expected
Inspire and Motivate Others

Competent people come ready to play everyday, no matter what the

circumstances they face.
All highly competent people continually search for ways to keep
learning, growing, and improving.
The person who knows how will always have a job, but the person who
knows why will always be the boss.

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 Quality is never an accident: it is always the result of high intention,
sincere effort, intelligent direction, and skillful execution. It represents
the wise choice of many alternatives.

Courage: One person with courage is a majority.

Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities, because it is

the quality which guarantees all others.
Courage is fear that has said its prayers. (Karl Barth, Swiss
Theologian)
Courage is doing what youre afraid to do. There can be no courage
unless youre scared. (Eddie Rickenbacker)
Courage isnt an absence of fear. Its doing what youre afraid to do.
Its having the power to let go of the familiar and forge ahead into new
territory.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of
comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and
controversy.
Courage deals with principle, not perception. If you dont have the
ability to see when to stand up and the conviction to do it, youll never
be an effective leader.
Courage is contagious. Fear limits a leader.
Fear not that your life will come to an end, but that it will never have a
beginning.
Whats ironic is that those who dont have the courage to take risks and
those who do, experience the same amount of fear in life.
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in
which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to
yourself, I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes
along.
You must do the thing you cannot do. Eleanor Roosevelt

Discernment: Smart leaders believe only half of what they hear.

Discerning leaders know which half to believe.
Put an End to Unsolved Mysteries

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Smart leaders believe only half of what they hear. Discerning leaders
know which have to believe. John. C. Maxwell
Effective leaders need discernment, although even good leaders dont
display it all the time.

Examples of Famous last words:

I think there is a world market for about five computers. Thomas
J. Watson, chairman of IBM.(1943)
I dont need bodyguards. Jimmy Hoffa, one month before
disappearance (1975)

Discernment = The ability to find the root of the matter, and it relies on
intuition as well as rational thought.
Nothing in life is to be feared, only to be understood.
Discernment enables a leader to see a partial picture, fill in the missing
pieces intuitively, and find the real heart of the matter.
The closer a leader is to his area of gifting, the stronger his intuition and
ability to see root causes. If you want to tap into your discernment
potential, work in your areas of strength.
Never ignore a gut feeling, but never believe that its enough.

Focus: If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.

The Sharper It Is; The Sharper You Are

The Keys are Priorities and Concentration

A leader who knows what his priorities are but lacks concentration knows
what to do but never gets it done.
If he has concentration but no priorities, he has excellence without
progress.
But when he harnesses both, he has potential to achieve great things.

How should you focus your time and energy?

Focus 70 Percent on Strengths - Develop them to their fullest potential
Focus 25 Percent on New Things - Growth = Change
Focus 5 Percent on Areas of Weakness - Minimize weaknesses as much as
possible, delegate

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 What does it take to have the focus required to be a truly effective
leader? A leader that knows his Priorities and has Concentration.
Dont major in minors
The great mystery isnt that people do things badly but that they
occasionally do a few things well. Strength is always specific!
Growth equals change. If you want to get better, you have to keep
changing and improving. That means stepping out into new areas.
**Work on yourself, on your priorities, in your strengths, and with your
companions.

Generosity: No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor

has been the reward for what he gave.
Your Candle Loses Nothing When It Lights Another
No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the
reward for what he gave. Calvin Coolidge, American President
All that is not given is lost. Rabindranath Tagore, Indian Poet

Cultivate the Quality of Generosity in Your Life

Be Grateful For What You Have
Put People First
Dont Allow the Desire for Possessions to Control You
Regard Money as a Resource
Develop the Habit of Giving

Giving is the highest level of living.

Its hard for a person to be generous when he is not satisfied with what
he has. Generosity rises out of contentment, and that doesnt come with
acquiring more.
If youre not content with little, you wont be content with a lot. And if
youre not generous with little, you wont suddenly change if you
become wealthy.
The measure of a leader is not the number of people who serve him, but
the number of people he serves. Generosity requires putting others first.
The only way to really win with money is to hold it loosely-and be
generous with it to accomplish things of value. Money is a wonderful
servant but a terrible master. If it gets on top and you get under it, you
will become its slave.

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 You have not lived today until you have done something for someone
who can never repay you.
All that is not given is lost.

Initiative: Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people

keep moving. They make mistakes, but they dont quit.
You Wont Leave Home Without It
Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep
moving. They make mistakes, but they dont quit. Conrad Hilton, Hotel
Executive

Qualities Leaders Posses To Make Things Happen

They Know What They Want
They Push Themselves to Act
They Take More Risks
They Make More Mistakes

Of all the things a leader should fear, complacency should head the list.
Leaders are responsible for initiating a connection with their followers.
But thats not the only area where leaders must show initiative. They
must always look for opportunities and be ready to take action.
The starting point of all achievement is desire. If youre going to be
an effective leader, youve got to know what you want. Thats the only
way youll recognize opportunity when it comes.
I do the things that I believe ought to be done And when I make up
my mind to do a thing, I act.
**Proactive people always take risks. But one of the reasons good
leaders are willing to take risks is that they recognize there is a price for
not initiating too.
The way to succeed is to double your failure rate.
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. If you
want to achieve great things as a leader, you must be willing to initiate
and put yourself on the line.
Even the right decision is the wrong decision if it is made too late.

Listening: The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people.

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 To Connect With Their Hearts, Use Your Ears
You have to be silent to listen.
Both words are formed from the same letters: S-i-l-e-n-t - L-i-s-t-e-n

A good leader encourages followers to tell him what he needs to know,

not what he wants to hear. John C. Maxwell
The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people. Woodrow
Wilson, American President
Leaders touch a heart before they ask for a hand. Thats the Law of
Connection. But before a leader can touch a persons heart, he has to
know whats in it. He learns that by listening.
60% of all management problems are the result of faulty
communications.
You have two purposes for listening: to connect with people and to
learn.
Many a man would rather you heard his story than granted his request.
If youre in the habit of listening only to the facts and not the person who
expresses them, change your focus.
Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if Im going to learn,
I must do it by listening.

Passion: Anyone can dabble, but once youve made that commitment,
its very hard for people to stop you.
Take This Life and Love It

What makes it possible for people who might seem ordinary to achieve
great things?
Fact: More than 50% of all CEOs of Fortune 500 companies had C or C-
averages in college
Fact: Nearly 75% of all U.S. Presidents were in the bottom half of their
school classes
Fact: More than 50% of all millionaires entrepreneurs never finished
college
They All Had Passion, It Makes A Difference!

Concentrate on what you do well, and do it better than anybody else. -

John Schnatter, founder of Papa Johns Pizza

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 Nobody can be successful unless he loves his work.
Passion makes it possible for people who might seem ordinary to
achieve great things.
Your desire determines your destiny. Any one who lives beyond an
ordinary life has great desire.
There is no substitute for passion. It is fuel for the will. If you want
anything badly enough, you can find the willpower to achieve it.
If you follow your passion, instead of others perceptions, you cant help
becoming a more dedicated, productive person. And that increases your
ability to impact others. In the end, your passion will have more
influence than your personality.
A leader with great passion and few skills always outperforms a leader
with great skills and no passion.
You can never lead something you dont care passionately about. You
cant start a fire in your organization unless one is first burning in you.

Positive Attitude: A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation
with the bricks others have thrown at him.

If You Believe You Can, You Can

Your Attitude Is a Choice
Your Attitude Determines Your Actions
Your People Are a Mirror of Your Attitude
Maintaining a Good Attitude Is Easier Than Regaining One

Many of lifes failures are people who did not realize how close they
were to success when they gave up.
If you look at the lives of people in any profession who achieve lasting
success, you will find that they almost always possess a positive outlook
on life.
The last of our human freedoms is to choose our attitude in any given
circumstance.
The Law of Magnetism really is true: who you are is who you attract.
If the only thing we leave our kids is the quality of enthusiasm, we will
have given them an estate of incalculable value.
Genius is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. Thomas Edison

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 If we did all the things we were capable of doing, we would literally
astound ourselves.
Many of lifes failures are people who did not realize how close they
were to success when the gave up.

Problem Solving: You can measure a leader by the problems he tackles.

He always looks for ones his own size.
You Cant Let Your Problems Be A Problem

Leaders With Good Problems Solving Abilities Demonstrate Five Qualities

They Anticipate Problems
They Accept the Truth
They See the Big Picture
They Handle One Thing At a Time
They Dont Give Up On a Major Goal When Theyre Down

Effective leaders always rise to a challenge. Thats one of the things that
separates winners from whiners.
People respond to problems in these ways: they refuse to accept them;
they accept them and then put up with them; or they accept them and try
to make things better. Leaders must always do the latter.
In times like these it is good to remember that there have always been
times like these. Effective leaders face up to the reality of a situation.
Never try to solve all the problems at once- make them line up for you
one-by-one.
If youre faced with lots of problems, make sure you really solve the one
youre working on before moving on to the next one.
You can measure a leader by the problems he tackles. He always looks
for ones his own size. John C. Maxwell
Effective leaders understand the peak-to-peak principle. They make
major decisions when they are experiencing a positive swing in their
leadership, not during the dark times (dont decide to retire during
training camp).
The ability to solve problems effectively comes from experience facing
and overcoming obstacles.
Problem-Solving Method = TEACH (Time, Exposure, Assistance,
Creativity, Hit it)

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 Never allow others to put obstacles in the pathway to your dreams.

Relationships: The most important single ingredient in the formula of

success is knowing how to get along with people.
If You Get Along, Theyll Get Along

All people have some things in common

They like to feel special, so sincerely compliment them.
They want a better tomorrow, so show them hope.
They desire direction, so navigate for them.
They are selfish, so speak to their needs first.
They get low emotionally, so encourage them.
They want success, so help them win.

People dont care how much you know until they know how much you
care.
People truly do want to go along with people they get along with. And
while someone can have people skills and not be a good leader, he
cannot be a good leader without people skills.
The first quality of a relational leader is the ability to understand how
people feel and think.
The ability to look at each person, understand him, and connect with him
is a major factor in relational success. That means treating people
differently, not all the same as one another.
Leaders have empathy for others and keen ability to find the best in
people by truly caring for others. You cannot be a truly effective leader,
the kind that people want to follow, unless you love people.
People respect a leader who keeps their interests in mind. If your focus
is on what you can put into people rather than what you can get out of
them, theyll love and respect you.
The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is
knowing how to get along with people. Theodore Roosevelt, American
President
Responsibility: Success on any major scale requires you to accept
responsibility In the final analysis, the one quality that all successful
people have is the ability to take on responsibility.
If You Wont Carry the Ball, You Cant Lead the Team
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 A leader can give up anything except final responsibility.
In a study of self-made millionaires, it was found that all have one thing
in common they work very hard.
If you want to succeed, be willing to put the organization ahead of your
agenda.
Stress comes from doing less than you can.
Excellence is a great motivator. People who desire excellence and
work hard to achieve it are almost always responsible.
**The ultimate quality of a responsible person is the ability to finish.
Are You On Target When It Comes To Responsibility? When an
archer misses the mark he turns and looks for the fault within himself.
Failure to hit the bulls-eye is never the fault of the target. To improve
your aim, improve yourself. - Gilbert Arland
If you have trouble achieving excellence, maybe youve lowered your
standards.
Success on any major scale requires you to accept responsibility. . .
In the final analysis, the one quality that all successful people have is the
ability to take on responsibility. Michael Korda, Editor-in-chief of
Simon & Schuster

Security: No man will make a great leader who wants to do it all himself
or get all the credit for doing it.
Competence Never Compensates For Insecurity

What great banner would have been fought and won under the banner, I
stand for consensus?
No one can live on a level inconsistent with the way he sees himself.
You may have observed that in people. If someone sees himself as a
loser, he finds a way to lose. Anytime his success surpasses his security,
the result is self-destruction. Thats not only true for followers, but its
also true for leaders.
An insecure leader hoards power.
Nothing is a greater impediment to being on good terms with others
than being ill at ease with yourself.
No man will make a great leader who wants to do it all himself or get
all the credit for doing it. Andrew Carnegie, Industrialist

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 Margaret Thatcher, world leader You dont follow the crowd, you make
up your own mind. ~Words of encouragement from her father. She
stood for conviction in leadership. The Iron Lady was elected three
consecutive terms as prime minister. The ONLY British leader of
modern era to achieve that great honor.

Self-Discipline: The first and best victory is to conquer self.

The First Person You Lead Is You

A man without decision of character can never be said to belong to

himself He belongs to whatever can make captive of him. - John
Foster, author
Self-discipline cant be a one-time event. It has to become a lifestyle.
Almost all our faults are more pardonable than the methods we think up
to hide them.
Anytime you concentrate on the difficulty of the work instead of its
results or rewards, youre likely to become discouraged. Count the
benefits of doing whats right, and then dive in.
Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. Theres
plenty of movement, but never know if its going be forward, backwards,
or sideways.
Dont quit, because once you in that mode of quitting, then you feel like
its okay. Jerry Rice, Best Ever Wide Receiver

Servanthood: Youve got to love your people more than your position.
To Get Ahead, Put Others First

Servanthood is not about position or skill. Its about attitude.

The truth is that the best leaders desire to serve others, not themselves.
Definition = Intentionally being aware of your peoples needs, available
to help them, and able to accept their desires as important.
**The real heart of servanthood is security. Show me someone who
thinks he is too important to serve, and Ill show you someone who is
basically insecure.
The Law of Empowerment says that only secure leaders give power to
others. Its also true that only secure leaders exhibit servanthood.

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 Great leaders see the need, seize the opportunity, and serve without
expecting anything in return.
It is true that those who would be great must be like the least and be the
servant of all.
I dont know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: The ones
among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and
found how to serve. Albert Schweitzer, Philosopher & Humanitarian
The true leader serves. Serves people. Serves their best interests, and in
so doing will not always be popular, may not always impress. But
because true leaders are motivated by loving concern rather than a desire
for personal glory, they are willing to pay the price. Eugene B.
Habecker, Author

Teachability: Value your listening and reading time at roughly ten times
your talking time. This will assure you that you are on a course of
continuous learning and self-improvement.
To Keep Leading, Keep Learning

Why Should You Keep Growing?

Your growth determines who you are.
Who you are determines who you attract.
Who you attract determines the success of your organization.
If you want your organization to grow, you have to remain teachable.

Its what you learn after you know it all that counts. John Wooden
Leaders face the danger of contentment with the status quo.
As long as youre green, youre growing. As soon as youre ripe, you
start to rot.
If what you did yesterday still looks big to you, you havent done much
today.
Teachability requires us to admit we dont know everything, and that can
make us look bad. In addition, if we keep learning, we must also keep
making mistakes. The greatest mistake one can make in life is to be
continually fearing you will make one.
If you dont like the crop youre reaping, check the seed you are
sowing.

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Vision: A great leaders courage to fulfill his vision comes from passion,
not position.
You Can Seize Only What You Can See

Vision is everything for a leader.

It leads the leader.
It paints the target.
It sparks and fuels the fire within, and draws him forward.
It is also the fire lighter for others who follow that leader.

The future belongs to those who see possibilities before they become
obvious.
Vision leads the leader. It paints the target. It sparks and fuels the fire
within, and draws him forward. Show me a leader without vision, and
Ill show you someone who isnt going anywhere.
If you lack vision, look inside yourself. Draw on your natural gifts and
desires. Look to your calling if you have one.
**The greater the vision, the more winners it has the potential to attract.
The more challenging the vision, the harder the participants fight to
achieve it.
The first thing you do is to teach the person to feel that the vision is
very important and nearly impossible. That draws out the drive in
winners.
A great leaders courage to fulfill his vision comes from passion, not
position. John C. Maxwell
If you can dream it, you can do it. Walt Disney

http://geekpolitics.com/21-irrefutable-laws-of-leadership-by-john-maxwell/

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15 Leadership Lessons
Leadership Lesson #1 A leadership mindset makes you more Effective.
Quality #1 Courage - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of the
Lid.
Leadership Lesson #2 Leadership means influence to lead.
Quality #2 Competence - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of
Influence.
Leadership Lesson #3 A leader knows that leadership is not learned in a
day.
Quality #3 Teach-ability - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of
Process.
Leadership Lesson #4 Leaders think like navigators.
Quality #4 Focus - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of
Navigation.
Leadership Lesson #5 Leaders look to add value to the people they lead
Quality #5 Servanthood - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of
Addition
Leadership Lesson #6 A leader knows that without trust, he has nothing
to stand on.
Quality #6 Character - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of Solid
Ground
Leadership Lesson #7 A leaders knows that whos really in charge is the
one with most amount of RESPECT. - Quality #7 Charisma -
Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of Respect
Leadership Lesson #8 A leader knows how to connect.
Quality #8 Listening - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of
Connection
Leadership Lesson #9 A leader has an inner circle
Quality #9Relationships - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of the
Inner Circle and Law of Magnetism

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Leadership Lesson #10 A leader is the message
Quality #10 Passion - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of Buy-
in
Leadership Lesson #11 A leader will not waste their time on things that
dont matter
Quality #11Problem solving - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of
Priority
Leadership Lesson #12 A leader knows that there will be sacrifices
Quality #12 Generosity - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of
Sacrifice
Leadership Lesson #13 A leader knows when to stop and when to start
Quality #13 Initiative - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of
Timing
Leadership Lesson #14 A leader isnt afraid to give his power away
Quality #14 Security - Corresponds with John Maxwells Law of
Empowerment
Leadership Lesson #15 A leader will inspire others to lead.
Quality #15 Vision - Correspond with John Maxwells Law of Legacy

483
Persuasive Writing
The purpose of persuasive writing is to assert an opinion which you are
going to defend and to offer supporting evidence (data) in order to convince
the reader to agree with you.
In the process, you deal with opposing views, thus convincing him/her of
the superiority of your argument. Additionally, a good writer may present
emotional as well as rational appeal. All of your reasoning should lead to a
logical conclusion.
If your subject matter warrants a change, you will offer a solution to the
status quo in a proposal.
Persuasive essays should include documentation which will require
research. By investigating your topic and including supporting comments
from authorities, you give credibility to your argument.
Make a clear statement of what you believe or assert, your hypothesis/
thesis Statement.

Writing Process
The thesis/hypothesis is your statement of purpose. The thesis -//-
hypothesis should be one sentence in length. This is the foundation of your
essay and it will serve to guide you in writing the entire paper. Don't begin
to write your essay until you have a clear thesis/hypothesis.
Thesis defined: A proposition that is maintained by argument. An
affirmation, or distinction from a supposition or hypothesis.
Gather all factual information using guidelines for documentation and
works cited. Consider all potential explanations, rating them in order of
importance or relevance to the thesis/hypothesis statement. Assemble
collected facts to support each explanation.
Prepare an outline arranging the explanations in the best order for the
desired effect. The purpose of an outline is to make your task easier. As
you write your outline, ask yourself whether each idea serves to clarify and
strengthen the thesis/hypothesis. Use the sample outline by inserting your
specific information into the outline structure.

484
Proofread. The computer can check spelling errors easily, but be aware
that sometimes a word is correctly spelled but used incorrectly in a
particular sentence. It is still important to proofread after the spell check.

485
Essay Outline
Introduction
Get the reader's attention by asking a leading question; relay something
enticing about the subject in a manner that commands attention. Start with a
related quote, alluring description, or narration.

State the thesis/hypothesis-the causes and effects to be discussed;

comparison of subject X and subject Y; your position on the issue; your
proposal if applicable; and the main points that will develop your argument.

Body
First Point, Assertion, Explanation
Supporting evidence (examples, facts, statistics, quoted authorities, details,
reasons, examples)
Supporting evidence
Second explanation + Support + Support
Third explanation + Support + Support
Fourth explanation (continue as above with additional explanations as
needed.) + Support + Support
Address opposing viewpoints
Conclusion
Show how explanations (causes) are logical reasons producing the effects
discussed; review subject X and subject Y; reiterate your assertion and
proposition (if applicable). Reemphasize your thesis/hypothesis in a fresh
way, showing how your have achieved your purpose. If you intend to draw
to a conclusion about one subject over the other, emphasize that point.

Deal with opposing views.

Appeal to the reader to see how you have come to a logical conclusion.
Make a memorable final statement.

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Checklists for Persuasive Writing
Persuasive texts come in many different forms. Some include
advertisements, letters, debates, articles and reports.
Their main purpose is to persuade the reader to see an argument from their
point of view and change their mind, buy or support something.

An introductory paragraph that states the argument

Each paragraph states a reason or opinion and then is followed by 2 or 3
pieces of evidence to support it.
Points out the arguments for and against
Has facts that support the evidence given
Ask the reader questions that encourages them to think
A strong concluding paragraph that sums up the main argument

Persuasive writing contains

Facts
Names, dates, statistics ( numbers) and quotes.
Opinions
What the writer thinks. These show:
Bias - when you have a personal interest in the cause you are writing
about.
Half truths when facts are manipulated to suite the writers argument
(usually with bits left out)
Rhetorical questions questions which pull at the readers heart strings and
make them think. ( they dont need an answer back)
Emotive language adjectives or adverbs cruelly captured

Persuasive writing puts forward a point of view and tries to get the reader
to agree with it.
It is written in a forceful manner so that it can
win over the audience.

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Powerful rhetorical question starters
How could you (we) possibly..
Do you really think..
What would happen if
Could your conscience cope with.
Is it really worth.
Do you want to be part of.

Useful Transitions adverbs and conjunctions

For cancelling breaktime Against cancelling breaktime

Children would have more time to
work.
Staff would not need to go on duty.
There would be no behaviour
problems on the playground.
School could finish earlier.
There would be less arguments and
falling out.
The children need fresh air.
Food and water taken at break time
improves the childrens learning.
The staff need time to prepare for
the next lesson.
Children need to develop their
social skills and friendships.
Play time is important for the
childrens health.

Use these ideas to write sentences using adverbs to link them, remember
this means you should have two separate sentences.
Many people say that children would have more time to work if playtime
was cancelled. However, it is essential that children have a break during
their learning to relax.

488
Useful Transitions

Transitions used to address reader concerns:

Some may argue that Some people may argue that
Some may say that Some people may say that
You may think Some people think
An opposing viewpoint is A down side to this is
Readers could argue that One could argue that
Some believe that

Transitions used to make counter arguments:

This is not true for This is not true because
This may be true, but This may be true; however,
Nevertheless, Still,
On the contrary, On the other hand,
Yet, However,
Even so, But,
In my opinion I feel that..
I am sure that Surely
It is certain

489
Transitions used to support your reasons/add details:
For instance, For example,
In addition, Additionally,
Besides, Furthermore,
Likewise, Also,
Moreover Firstly, / Secondly,

Transitions used to emphasize, conclude, and/or summarize:

Emphasize: Conclude or summarize:
Indeed, Therefore,
For this reason, Consequently,
Again, As a result,
Truly, In short,
In fact, Thus,
With this in mind, All in all,

INTRODUCTORY PHRASES
In my opinion There is no doubt that I question whether
I believe From my point of I (dis) agree with
It is my belief that view I maintain that
It seems to me that

CONCLUDING PHRASES
For the reasons above In short In brief
As you can see To be sure Undoubtedly
As I have noted Without a doubt In any case
In other words Obviously Summarizing
On the whole Unquestionably In any event

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SUPPORTING OPINIONS
First Furthermore Equally important Besides
Second In addition In the first place Further
Third Also Likewise Next Again
Finally Last Moreover
Similarly

INTRODUCING DETAILS
For example For instance In support of this
In fact As evidence
CAUSE AND EFFECT
Since Caused by In effect
Because of This results in Brought about
Due to Consequently Made possible
For this reason Accordingly As might be
Therefore As a result of expected
Ifthen Leads to Give rise to
Was responsible for
COMPARE AND CONTRAST
Similarly Likewise As well as
Compared to In the same way Have in common
In like manner Contrasting All are
On the other hand On the contrary The same as
Although As opposed to Conversely
Even though Rather than Whether of not
Nevertheless In spite of

491
COUNTERING
I realize you Believe But
I understand you Feel Yet
Even though you Maintain However
Although you Want I doubt
Some people Favour I question
It may be that you Support Let me explain
Your idea to ____ Argue On the other hand
deserves some merit State Nevertheless

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When to use Transitions
When you want to start an example or illustration:
She loves fine clothes. For example, her prom dress cost nearly two
hundred dollars.
Jim sometimes becomes bored easily. For instance, I remember something
that happened last summer.

When you want to contrast one thing with another:

Mary is one of my best friends. However, she sometimes makes me angry
by being late.
Jack is a good swimmer. Even so, he has never won a trophy,
I saw her once when I felt awful. Nevertheless, we had a wonderful time.

When you want to add another idea:

Tom is crazy about his motorcycle. Furthermore, he does all the
maintenance on it himself.
Mr. Johnston is an excellent teacher. Moreover, he is very popular with his
students.
Everybody likes Lou. In addition, he seems to like everyone he meets.

When you want to show that one thing causes another:

Sam isn't very organized. Consequently, he sometimes doesn't seem to
know what he is doing.
One time he forgot his wife's birthday. As a result, she was very angry.
Al jogs three miles a day. Therefore, he is in good shape. .

When you want to summarize or generalize:

That really bothered me. But on the whole, he is a pretty good guy.
He is sensitive, warm, and considerate. In short, I love him.

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Persuasive Essay Template
Paragraph 1:
Describe your point of view or position

List the 3 major reasons that support your view or position. You should
use your three strongest factual reasons from your research.

First Reason ________________________________________________

Second Reason _____________________________________________
Third Reason _______________________________________________

Paragraph 2, 3 and 4:
In each of these paragraphs, fill in three important details that support the
listed reasons and fill in the following important points. (these paragraphs
will be part of your argument, so you will want to make sure these points
are strong ones):

Paragraph 2: First Reason: ___________________________________

Supporting detail #1 (this detail is factual & comes from your research)
Supporting detail #2 (this detail is factual & comes from your research)
Supporting detail #3 (this detail is factual & comes from your research)

Paragraph 3: Second Reason: __________________________________

Supporting detail #1 (this detail is factual & comes from your research)
Supporting detail #2 (this detail is factual & comes from your research)
Supporting detail #3 (this detail is factual & comes from your research)

494
Paragraph 4: Third Reason: ___________________________________
Supporting detail #1 (this detail is factual & comes from your research)
Supporting detail #2 (this detail is factual & comes from your research)
Supporting detail #3 (this detail is factual & comes from your research)

Paragraph 5:
This paragraph will be your last chance to convince your audience that your
point of view is correct. To do this you will want to do the following
things:

Begin with conclusion sentences that restates your position.

Restate the most important points you made in the rest of your paper. Hint:
Use the three major reasons that you talked about in Paragraph One.

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Persuasive Letters Examples
Dear Sir,

My friends and I love skating and we are thrilled to bits that the council are
thinking of building us a skate park. Until now weve had nowhere to go, only
pavements and steps where we have to be careful not to bump into pedestrians. It
would be fantastic to have proper ramps, half pipes and rails designed especially
for skateboards.
I cant wait to have somewhere I can meet up with my friends and a place where I
can watch more experienced skaters and learn from them. I know that if I can
practise every day, my skills will really improve and my dream of becoming a
pro might actually come true.
That is why Id much rather be out skating than stuck indoors in front of the TV.
Keeping fit is really important these days. I dont want to become one of these
obese teenagers that get no exercise. Im sure that if we had a skate park many
more young people would take up this sport.

Yours sincerely

Dear Sir,

I cannot believe that Craven Pond is going to be filled in! Dont people realise that
hundreds of different kinds of birds, amphibians, insects and fish live here? What
will happen to them if their habitat is taken away? We all know that natural
habitats are disappearing at a worrying rate. It is our duty to preserve as many of
these as we can.

Adults are always telling us that we should use our time productively. My friends
and I have spent many weekends and summer evenings studying and cataloguing
the wildlife of this pond. If Craven Pond is filled in we will be forced to hang about
the streets because there will be nothing to occupy our time. Is that what the adults
want?
Yours sincerely

496
Motivational Quotes
"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to
what lies within us."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
-
"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in not giving
up."
- Tommy LaSorda
-
"Create the kind of self you will be happy to live with all your life. Make
the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into
flames of achievement."
- Foster C. McClellan
-
"I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting
devotion to the things you want to happen."
- Frank Lloyd Wright
-
"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more
important than any other one thing."
- Abraham Lincoln
-
"If you can DREAM it, you can DO it."
- Walt Disney
-
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today."
- James Dean
-
"People with goals succeed because they know where they're going."
- Earl Nightingale
-
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 "And life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be."
- Grandma Moses
-
"Every man dies. Not every man truly lives."
- Braveheart
-
"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."
- Beverly Sills
-
"Challenges are what makes life interesting; overcoming them is what
makes life meaningful."
- Joshua J. Marine
-
"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make
them come true."
- Leon J. Suenes
-
"Anybody can do just about anything with himself that he really wants to
and makes up his mind to do. We are capable of greater things than we
realize."
- Norman Vincent Peale
-
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
-
Aristotle

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."

- George Eliot
-
"Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that
determines our success or failure."
- Norman Vincent Peale
-

498
"Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day
when you lounge around doing nothing, it's when you've had everything to
do and you've done it!"
- Margaret Thatcher

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