GUNDA dialogues - A Practical approach Using Prabhuji's mantras can produce remarkable results in daily life situations For

r instance, they may be effectively used in the corporate world to awe your client & coworkers, impress your boss & silence your nagging critics. Case studies are presented below- 1) Someone wants to re-schedule a meeting & you are against the idea. Merely stand up & say, "Bhuji hui cigarette kabhi jal nahi sakti, Aur tay hai...is meeting ki tareekh kabhi tal nahi sakti" 2) Your boss asks how you "Do...chaar...chey...aat...dus. Bas !" intend to meet the project deadlines. Simply reply,

HOW TO GET OUT OF AN EMBARASSING SITUATION: The Gunda way You are giving a very important presentation to the entire office staff. The members of the audience are giggling, you don't know why. You friend, sitting in the front row signals to you that your fly is open. Without missing a beat you say in your most ferocious voice: "Mera naam hai Bulla Main hamesha rakhta hoon (stretch your neck forward, open your mouth wide and say ..) Khullaaaaa" ..and continue with your presentation. No one in the audience would dare to even smile now. Sleep forever Great thread I do this a lot in my life. there is a thing called the 'ethmoidal bulla' in the face. once in a viva, my prof asked me about it. i couldn't recollect, so i simply said: "bullaaaa, ey bullaaaaaaaa, teri behan ka karunga mein khullam khulla" too bad my prof didn't see the humor in it. then there is the time when i told my hostel rector about the tap in my room: " Pani toh aise tapak raha hai jaise nanhe munne bacche ki nunni se peshaab tapakta hai - tap, tap, tap". (my roommate applied: " uimaa, nunni?". and the effect was complete. rec was so scared, he called someone to fix the tap asap. Jai Prabhuji! Your Boss appreciates the work you do. But he doesn't give you a promotion or a salary-hike. In the midst of a conversation with him, casually say "Promotion nahi milee toh kya hua saab. Kaam toh mein apne seniors ka karta hoon. Kisi ne sach kaha hai, boss pe junior, superior pe ghoda. Kuch nahi toh thoda-thoda" Your boss will be overwhelmed with emotion & get all teary-eyed. Much to the envy of your colleagues, you will be rewarded with a plum post & a heavy pay-check. (Note - if boss is also a Prabhu bakth, then invitation to booze parties can also be expected) you are in a meeting or something and someone raises a very valid point. then you go - "khote sikke ne kya baat boli hai, boli hai to aise boli hai jaise bandook ki goli hai" what did greg chappell say to ganguly - Ganguly yeh crane dekh raha hai crane, iski haalat tere jaise ho gayi hai, jab iska samandar(Dalmiya) ka saath toot jaata hai na to yeh bhangar ho jati hai, aur bekar ki cheeze bhangar mein bechi jaati hai! Your Boss is furious with your Supervisor for misplacing some documents: Supervisor: Aapko Dilli wale project ka file chahiye, naa? Boss: AUR NAHI TO KYA? You: Aahista! Subeh Mirchi ka aachar khaya tha, kya? ..

.sir i can get this job done sir ! chudel ki kasam !! if some1 is irritating you..u can point down n say.. khayega kela ?? 2 boss's chumcha.. uska ek haat tere sur pei hai chamche .. rakh dey uska doosra haath apni behen ki kamar par.. lita dei apni maa ko uske bistarr parr.. Quote You are in a meeting and the other person talks way off topic, some crap. You say - "Woh sab baat chhod aur kaam ki baat kar, jis kaam ke liye tu billi ka doodh peekar dilli se aaya hai!" Job interview You are being interviewed for a job. The HR guy wants to know what is the compensation package you are expecting. You reply, "Salary ke saath-saath peenay ke liye daru nakki, khane ke liye chicken-mutton nakki, accomodation mein dekhne TV nakki. Aur mahiney mein ek baar ladki bhi nakkiiii" Of course, the HR guy may be unable to openly agree to your demands. So he may say something like, "Aapka joining date main jaldi fix karoongaaaa". Congratulations, you've bagged the deal ! once i despised prabhuji. But now after understanding the glory of prabhuji, i despise my past. Thnx friends, you shall get place around prabhuji in heaven. The Sun sets 9/4/2006 10:26 PM thik hai dost..galti to sabse hoti hai.. The Sun sets somebody is bugging u a lot: main tujhe kisi dhandewali ki us jagah ki gori chandi bana doonga,jo fatke kha kha ke kaali ho jaati hai,har muh pe ma behan ki gaali ho jaati hai! c if he bugs u again.. Tune to mujhe Bulla ki yaaaad dilaaa deeeee. Meeting young relatives after long time Case#534 - Dealing with kids Next time you meet your kid cousin brother or nephew after a long time, DON'T use the cliched line "Oh my...you've grown so tall !!". Instead, use this colourful expression, "Munna mera bhai munna, Arrey, tu itna lamba ho gaya ! Maachis ki teeli se khamba ban gaya !" Case in point #420 You are part of a call center, and your team leader has promised you a an all expenses paid dinner for two at Billo da Dhaba if you raise your daily average call handling rate by 20% this month. You exhibit your self-confidence by saying: "Sir, aap dekhte jaaiye: Ab calls aise tapkegi, jaise nanhe munne bachche ke nunni se pisab tapakta hai! tapp.. tapp..." . FAREWELL SPEECH A friend is leaving your company for better prospects. You are called forward to give a farewell speech. Just use the following template to make the moment memorable: Arrey..(Friends name) mere bhai!! Jaana nahin... job ko pakad key rakh! Hum saath mein kitne maze kiye the Yaad hai? yaad hai.. tu client pata ke laata , aur main mazey leta tha Naaaai (Friends name), Naaaai (with lots of head movements) Tu jaana naaai mere bhai.. Tu jaana naaai tujhe yaad hai wo officewaali jo kehti thi .. ....................... ARRE MERA BHAI CHALA GAYA RE BHAI! after watching the movie like a zillion times, we kept names to all of our office colleagues. Now there is competition who'll be Prabhuji. I wannabe Bulla, kyon ki mai rakhta hoon hamesha khulla

the common office gaali "chutiya" has already been replaced by the ever so eternal namard "ChuTiya".

Instead of spending money on worthless self-help books like "You can Win","How to influence people & win friends", "How to Talk to Anyone" , "The Power of POsitive thinking"etc etc - I would recommend my friends to watch "Gunda". This isn't just a movie - but a 2 hour documentary which captures the essence of life & the human spirit. Quote You have submitted a document for review to the client/supervisor and he doesnt do it you say: CHATRI HOTI HAI KHOLNE KE LIYE, CHADHAR HOTI HAI ODHNE KE LIYE AUR DOCUMENT HOT HAI PADHNE KE LIYE[/i/] Vishal D. 9/9/2006 6:35 AM ... woh sunnte hi, client toot padega document pe, Jaise Lamboo Atta toot pada Bulla ki behen pe... (talk about motivation!) Boss's wife mother dies: arey..... sir yahaan baithe kya kar rahe ho.... udhar basti main BHAGWAAN ne aapki maa\biwi ko LAMBAA kar diyaa.!!! For effective management of whimsical employees Case#56235: How managers should deal with disgruntled subordinates A junior wants to be shifted onto a new project & comes to discuss this matter with you. You -"Abey oye, corporate jagat ki pani ki machli, shuru hogayi teri khujli ?" Junior - "Sir, mera toh saat saal ka purana project hai" You-"Dhande pe baita hai toh naya kya, purana kya...kya bada, kya chota...kya progressive kya stagnant ?" Junior - "But Sir....." You - "Abey ja, nahi toh demote kar-karke teri rank bana doonga do damdi ki" REsults guranteed. That junior will never dare approach you again. Or better yet, he may just choose to leave the company. Ratan Tata goes to a function, this is how he gets a welcome - "Aa gaiye bhaiyya, taine industry mein bahut naam kamaya, kabhi indica se dushmanon ko kata to kabhi pita, dikhne mein to tu hai nata par tohar naam hai Ratan Tata! Highly impressed Ratan Tata doesn't ask "ee kafanchor neta..." in stead he signs an open cheque for this awesome greeting. One more, for an arranged marriage you are trying to find a bride for your son. So, the family of one possible bride has come to your house and now you want to introduce the guy to them..so in stead of the cliched "he is .." and all you introduce him with a stunning audactous statement which immediately fixes the marriage.It goes like this "Yeh hai hamara ladka jo haseenaonki daal mein lagata hai khushiyonka tadka!" Mission accomplished..happy married life. marriage counsler this one's 4 the girls...if yer parents try 2 marry u off 2 an oldie just say " arey ... wo saath saal ka buddha... mujhse kehta hai..CHOOS CHOOS MERI UNGLI CHOOS!!!" ( ur parents would get the picture....) if you are in love with an oldie and your parents or friends doubt his abilities then you say - "Ehh, dekh is pyaar mein budhha kya jawan kya, kya chhota kya bada, kya baitha kya khada!" CASE-some bank offie's asking u useless details like ur grandfather's income or ur servant's blood group b4 givin u that loan so u just go ahead n say........... mujhe leni ek acchi gaadi hai.. status ki bat mat kar....apni maa se mera status poochh, kal mere birthday pe usne mujhe aankh maari hai.. OR makaan me to tu bhi rehta hoga .....bas apne baap ko makaan malik kehta hoga.... watch d bank offie stand up n salute u.....

Overworked in the office during Diwali season It is Diwali season. You are loaded with work & have trouble meeting the deadlines. But despite that, your supervisor keeps giving you more & more assignments. Now you are totally frustrated - Look at him & say, "Abey oye nanhe-munne ! Marey hue ko kyun maar raha hai ? Saale, mere aasuon se apne Diwali ke deepak jalaye ga kya ?" being duped of a foreign trip by office A young and sharp executive Prakash Naukila is denied a foriegn trip by his boss. Naukila's colleague is speaking to him to rub salt to his wounds... Naukila...tujhe yaad hai woh boss... Bolta tha...Naukila mere pyaare Naukila.. Tujhko pilaoonga main tequila.. Foriegn trip ke jhoole me bithake.. Bhejoonga is jahaz mein tujhe manilaaa..................... Channel Conflicts You are a Product Manager at Raymonds, since 1925. The Chairman of Tailors Association demand more commission from you and taunts you by telling: Hamare saamne teri wohi aukaat hai jo kaichi ke saamne, kapde ki hoti hai. How do you respond?? Just spurt this: Kapdaaaa.. Yeh kapda hi toh sabse bada lafda karte haiii jab yehi kapda park avenue ban jata hai na toh tumhare liye revenue paida karta haiii Business Ethics You uphold high integrity at work only to find your peers/subordinates resorting to malpractices and accepting cuts/favors, what do you do? Sack the culprit at once and offer the simple explanation: tujhe mewa khane ka bahut shauk tha na? ab yahi mewa tere liye jaanleva ban gaya hai On your Bachelor party(few days before your wedding), your friend Rahul is on the dancefloor with the other guys. His phone starts ringing and he asks you to pick it up for him. You pick it up and say, "Rahul bhai hijrdon ke saath mere mard banne ki khushi mana rahe hai. Aap kaun?" Interview for a Construction company You have applied for a job in a MNC Construction firm & the panel is quizzing you on your technical knowledge Panelist#1- Here's a question on Mechanical engineering. Suppose the chain of the crane breaks, then what would you do ? You- When the chain breaks, the crane becomes useless & should be discarded as scrap Panelist#2 - Could you give me an example of a Civil structure which vibrates owing to stress ? You - A railway-station which shakes whenever a train approaches Panelists - Brilliant !! Simply brilliant. Welcome aboard. Anyway, whats your area of construction expertise ? You - "Latakta...".......I mean, "Hanging bridges". if someone tries to kill u , say this MERA NAAM HAI IMU HATELA, MAA MERI CHUDEL KI BETI , BAAP MERA SHAITAN KA CHELA, ( pointing towards ur dick ) KHAYEGA KELA ? Boss giving pink slip to underperforming executive Boss- Abe Kaun Hai Be Tu Executive- Main hun bilkul kaam na karnewala,competitors ke liye jyoti apni company ke liye jwala Boss- Tujhe banake pink slip ke muh ka nivaala, Gaad dunga tere seene mein berozgari ka bhaala

Chappell Vs Ganguly - Angered by Chappell's hand at ousting Ganguly out of the Indian team, Ganguly confronts ChappellGanguly- Tune mere e-mail ka bura mana aur press me comment diya to theek kiya. Kyunki cricket mein kala dhandha karne walon ki media image ka koi bharosa nahi hota. Par tune mujhe team se nikal ke bahut bura kiya...bahut buraa kiyaaaa.. Chappell- Arre to kya bura kiya...e-mail hota hai padne ke liye aur player ka career hota hai khelne ke liye...sourav ganguly ho ya Dilp Vengsarkar agar team politics mein participate kiya, to hoga team se bahar aur khayega dar dar ki thokar After the game of billiards in Zimbabwe.. Rahul Dravid and Chappel get talking : Dravid : Chappel Chappel, isko jaldi se team se nikalo yeh aapka sada hua tiger nahin "bengal tiger" hai. Chappel : Arey oh dravid, maine isko bhi team se nikalne ka time fix kiay hai...... Bachu Bhigona (played by Kiran More walks in) : Chappel, tune khulam khula ganguly ka e-mail leak kar diya, uski reputation ko seal kar diya, but usko team se kab nikalega, kab nikalega Chappel : Arey oh More, tujhe bhi mein Ganguly ki tarah tabah kar donga Chappell and Dravid after the Loss at the Hands of Aussies at the recently concluded DLF cup Dravid to Chappell: Chappell tune khullam khulla itne saare experiemnt karke team ko maut tawe me sek diya. Chappell to Dravid: Aye Dravid jyada chillayega to tera haal bhi ganguly jaise kar dunga, Sehwag Overhears the conversayion and comes upto Dravid n says Bhaiya bhaiya yeh jo gora murga hai na issse jaida panga mat loo,yehi ek safed chadder hai jo tere aur tere captaincy ke beech hai,nahi to kapde dhone padenge bhaarthiyoo adde par guys if u remember when lambu aata raped bulla sis. bulla tells him"tune meri bhen ka rape karke bohot bura kiya,,then says again bohot bura kiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" then lambu aata despite apolojising him says "to kya bura kiya,,, roti hoti hai khane k liye ,, boti hoti hai chabane k liye,, badshah ki bhen ho yaa fakeer ki beti, ek na ek baar aati hai mard k neeche bajane k liye seeti" Meeting your girlfriend's parents You have gone to meet your girlfriend's parents to express your desire to marry their daughter. How do you impress them ? Here's a foolproof Gunda technique. GF's parents "Beta, kaun ho tum ?" You - "Main hoon aapki beti se ishq karne wala, (Then u give them gifts & say) Uncle aapke liye dhoti, Aunty ke liye sari niraala. Banake aapki beti ko mere dil ka niwala, Pehnaunga usey shaadi ki varmala" GF's dad(excited) - "Main shaadi ki date jaldi fix karoongaaaaa !! Par beta, dahej... ??" You "Do..chaar...chey...aat...dus...bas !! I mean, Rs.2,46,810 only" case no 14564b u r takin a job interview of a very good candidate u desire to have in the company you: any question u want to ask us,im pretty impressed by u him:thank u,what other facilities r on offer in the company you:mein tera profile CEO tak le jaunga,aur haa,office mein tere liye daru naki,khaane peene ke liye chicken mutton naki,dekhne ke liye tv naki aur mahine mein ek baar ladki bhi nakii him:woh sab

toh theek hai,magar paiso ka kya hoga jiske liye mein idhar aya you:paiso ki amount bhi mein jaldi fix karungaaaa i think u got the candidate Anonymous You are in a reputed firm and you have done somethin miserably bad in some project. You are just bout to get fired. Your project leader is standing in front of you with ur resignation letter. Obviously you dont want to sign on it. You can to any extent to keep ur job. What is the best possible thing you can do? Ask Lambu Aataa... Make a very senti and desperate face and say... "mereko apna bhadwa bana le mai tujhe ladkiya supply karta rahunga tu maje lete rehna.tere kamar se lipat k tawal ban jaunga.tujhe aids se bachane k liye nirodh ban jaunga... mereko mat mar. or agar marna hi hai to mereko cheel chal k mujhe chakka bana de.mere tere aage dance karunga gore gore gal...gal gore gore are gore gore,,na mujhepe aise dal dal dore dore are doree dore.."