Preface: for the sake of this post and my point, I’m going to be very generalized here. I understand not all people and relationships are like this. I understand you may be the exception, but please bear with me... I, in no way, shape, or form consider myself a relationship expert. That’s not specifically what I help women with, so I don’t typically write or talk about it. I do have lots of experience in relationships-- both failed and successful ones (okay, one successful relationship). And having lots of failed relationships and then a successful one, I can tell you the key to making that shift: Looking at my own shit, dealing with it, healing it, and repeating that process over and over. What I see many women do (my former self included) is this: You’re in a relationship and you’re not happy. It doesn’t matter what the specific problem is. You break up with or divorce your partner. You find a new partner, everything is great for a few months. Then things go to shit. You can’t figure out what’s wrong with the guys you pick. It’s the “same shit, different guy” syndrome. The common denominator in all the failed relationships is you. Along with your beautiful self, you’re bringing all the unresolved issues from your childhood and past relationships. All your insecurities and pain. We all have it, none of us are exempt. But also, we all have the opportunity to look at it, own what’s ours and not our partners, work on healing it so we can be better humans to the people we care about.