Conflicted (The Corded Saga #3)

One

Faith

My mother liked to tell me that I was a miracle. I wasn’t supposed to exist, yet I did. I asked her why she didn’t name me Miracle then, and her answer was always the same. Miracles come from an external place; faith comes from the inside. One should always rely on themselves and their own inner strength before seeking help from the outside. I knew she wasn’t talking about religion. She was talking about trusting others. Trust was something my mother lacked, and that trait passed on to me .

Come on, Faith. We’re going to be late. Bailey tugged on my arm, urging me to leave the woods. My cousin was always in a hurry, and for some reason she thought the two years she had on me entitled her to boss me around. It may have worked when we were kids, but now that we were grown up I was done with it. I was eighteen, the same age my mother was when she first left home. I’d been thinking about that a lot since my birthday.

Who cares if we’re late? Or better yet, go without me.

This is important. More important than anything. And now you don’t even have time to properly prepare.

Prepare? How does one prepare to sell themselves?

Her slap came swift and straight across my face. How dare you say that. After everything our mothers went through.

The slap stung, but not worse than the realization that she was right. Completely right. But I wouldn’t tell her that. Great. Now I have an excuse not to go.

Oh, get off it. I didn’t leave a mark. You have no choice. This isn’t me pushing you to go. This is me making sure you don’t get us both in trouble.

Maybe I want to get in trouble.

Why? Because you think they’ll let you see your parents? Bailey put a hand on her hip. Dream on. That’s not going to happen. At least not until you fulfill your promise.

I never made a promise.

You did. She ran her fingers over my cheek where she’d slapped me. The moment we were brought to the Glen.

We could leave, you know. Set off to forge our own path.

They’d find us. Eventually, everyone is found. Her expression turned wistful. You know that as well as I do.

Two

Kayla

Sixteen Years Earlier

He was never coming back. Everyone told me that over and over again. Yet I couldn’t accept it. Somehow deep inside I knew that anything that happened to Mason was my fault. He’d risked everything for me, and even if it had been his decision to join the mission, he would have never been tasked with it if it hadn’t been for me. He’d have never left the club, or the city, if it hadn’t been for me .

He’s not going to walk out of the lake, you know. Bolton joined me out on the dock extending over the lake. He isn’t a half-man, half sea creature.

I shrugged. You never know. From what Maverick says, they did some pretty crazy stuff to them at Central. Stuff that made Maverick wake up in cold sweats in the middle of the night. I knew because I hardly ever slept.

Yeah, but not that crazy cool.

I laughed even though it wasn’t really funny. It just felt good. It would be really great if he did though.

You still expect him to show up, don’t you? Bolton took a seat, letting his legs hang over the edge. Maybe not out of the lake, but you expect him to return.

So, what if I do? I sat beside him, my body finally giving in to the exhaustion.

Nothing. I get it. I’m just asking. I’ve kept my mouth shut for as long as I could. I’m here though. When you’re ready to accept it. He placed his hand right beside mine, not touching me, but leaving it there as if in offering.

Accept it? I snapped. We don’t know what’s going on. They may be laying low. They may have been captured but could still find a way to escape. I’d run through the possibilities over and over in my mind. They changed slightly as time passed, but they were still there, little rays of hope breaking through the fog of reality.

And they may be dead. His words fell like lead balloons, and regret crossed his face instantaneously. Shit. I’m sorry, Kayla. I shouldn’t have said that.

Everyone is thinking it. You might as well be honest. I looked out further across the lake. It was mostly in shadows, the thick forest of trees on the other side hung far over the bank.

But you don’t think so. His voice was softer now.

I don’t. I wasn’t giving up. Mason was out there, and one day we’d see him again.

Is that because you think you have a sixth sense, or because you can’t accept it?

Maybe a little bit of both. It was strange being able to talk so openly with Bolton, but as the months passed we’d struck up a friendship that didn’t feel nearly as breakable as the relationships I had with most of the others. Quinn and I avoided the topic of Mason most of the time. There was always something else to discuss.

Just so you know, it will be okay if you decide to give up. He’d understand.

You can’t know what he’d understand. Even I didn’t pretend to understand the man I’d fallen in love with—the father of my daughter.

Sure, I can. I accepted that you had moved on. And there it was. The elephant in the room we’d always managed to tiptoe around. Well, I had managed to tiptoe around. Bolton managed to slip it into conversation here and there.

Bolton, that is different. I made myself look at him.

He shrugged. Of course, it is. I’m just saying, people do what people have to do. He ran his finger over my cording mark. We all do.

I tried to push away the thoughts and memories that flooded me from his words. It was easy to be brave when you had others to consider. It was easy to pretend that the choices we make are far easier than they really are. Do you think she’s going to be okay? At the core of everything now was the answer to that question. Bolton couldn’t know any more than I did, but I still asked in the way we always taunted each other with rhetorical questions.

Faith? He leaned back on his elbow. Of course. She’s got a great mother.

Great mother? Hardly. I have no idea what I’m doing. But that aside, it takes more than a great mother… I’d been born to a fantastic mother. Unfortunately, she hadn’t lived long enough to see us grown. And even if she had, there is no way she could have protected us from the outside world forever. Our father had died trying.

Well, Faith has got a whole commune.

I have no idea what I’m doing. This wasn’t the first time I’d admitted that fear, but I felt it even more now as I listened to the gentle sound of the water lapping against the dock.

You’re doing just fine so far. Just fine. I was glad he’d dropped the whole great charade. No one could be a great mother in our world. Not even the best I knew: Quinn.

Why are you so nice to me? It was a question I’d come back to time and time again. By all accounts he should hate me, or if not that extreme at least keep his time with me to a minimum.

Why wouldn’t I be?

A ripple formed some little ways into the lake. I was sure it was a fish, but I watched it to make sure it wasn’t something more sinister.

Because it isn’t natural to be nice. I’d seen true human nature, and there was nothing nice about it. It was cruel and selfish. Inherently unkind.

Says who? He snorted.

Forget I said anything. I leaned back and closed my eyes. Let’s talk about something happy. You got your peach trees.

I did. But not the wife. Not the family.

I opened my eyes. You’re young. It may happen. There are some others here. They might not be breeders, but—

We don’t live in a world of families anymore. You do know that eventually… well, eventually you should probably… His eyes clouded over.

Is this where you tell me I should continue breeding? Anger surged through me.

No. He shook his head. I hate that word.

Mason will be back. I tried to shut out the chill growing around me, threatening to seep inside my heart.

Yes. He’s going to discover his gills and come right up out of the lake. Bolton pointed out right past where I’d seen the ripple. Right from that spot. You see it there?

I see it.

Then focus on that spot, but don’t let it blind you to what’s here. He tapped the dock between us. Also, don’t forget to eat.

I’ll be up there in a few minutes. I knew he wasn’t only talking about himself. He was talking about the others, especially Faith. He didn’t need to remind me. I would never be blind to her.

I’ll hold you to it. He stood up and walked back up the dock.

I stared out at the water. I knew Mason wasn’t going to suddenly appear, but he’d come back one day. If not, I’d go out and find him myself. I’d promised him that the last time I saw him. I’d been strong back then. Determined. I needed to stay strong, if not for myself then for the little girl Mason and I had brought into the world.

Three

Mason

There wasn’t a moment since leaving that I didn’t regret it. I knew I was doing the right thing. The only thing. But that didn’t mean I was happy with the decision. I missed Kayla like hell, and I didn’t like who I was leaving her with. Maverick had promised to protect her, but would he ever put her safety above that of Quinn and Bailey? That was an easy question to answer. No. Kayla would have been angered even knowing I was thinking of things that way. She didn’t want anyone protecting her—and she’d want her family to come first. But for me, she’d always come first .

Let’s go. The shrill voice jostled me from my thoughts. I was enjoying my last few moments of downtime before the sun rose. It was the only time of day I allowed myself to think of Kayla. It was the only time when such a distraction might not get me killed.

Why so early? I pulled myself upright from the makeshift bed.

Because today is the day. Addison was dressed and had her boots on. Her dark black hair was pulled back into a low ponytail.

Oh yeah? Why is that?

Because there’s been silence at the wall all night.

Which means it’s probably a trap. Silence wasn’t a good thing. She knew that as well as I did.

Or it means our last wave made it through.

I love that you’ve maintained your optimism all this time, but you also need some realism. I was having no problem with the latter, and I was struggling with the former. The only thing keeping me going was thoughts of Kayla.

Addison frowned. I have realism, Mason. Don’t you worry about that.

And we may not find him when we break through. That was the crux of it. There was no reason to sugar coat it.

We will. Addison appeared unmoved by my words. He’s there waiting for us.

He may be. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I didn’t want her making decisions from a sense of false hope either.

You know Kayla is probably thinking the same thing right now. Trying to stay hopeful that you’re not dead.

Which is why I’m not going to get myself killed. We have to be smart about this.

And we have to go after Denver. She said his name. She usually only referred to him as ‘he’, knowing I’d understand exactly who she meant.

We will. When the time is right.

When will the time be right? Addison dug her toe into the dirt ground. Although our shelter had walls and a roof, the wooden floor had mostly rotted away. You always have an excuse. The sooner we get through the wall, the sooner we get back. If you miss Kayla so much, then stop stalling.

This has nothing to do with Kayla. It has to do with succeeding with the mission. Otherwise this was all for nothing. This all being leaving her behind.

We are the only ones left. Addison’s voice fell to barely a whisper. The only ones.

Which is why we can’t rush this. If we fail, there is no one left. There was no hope left.

I’d rather die failing than get captured here.

What’s the plan then? I pulled on my jacket.

The plan? Isn’t that your job?

I turned it back on her. I’d listen if she had anything concrete. Usually, but my plan involved waiting until the switching of the guard at the end of the month. You want to deviate from my plan, so tell me what the alternative is. With details.

She shrugged. I don’t know the details.

So, based on the fact that things have gone quiet at the wall you want to rush in headlong without a plan?

Yes. She nodded. Exactly.

You know you might actually be killed. Your value won’t be as high once we get inside.

Do you think that’s something to worry about? You think I’d rather be sold than killed? You’re crazy.