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    Gender Relationships
    Gender Relationships
    Gender Relationships
    Ebook135 pages2 hours

    Gender Relationships

    By Nikolay Saveliev

    ()

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    About this ebook

    This book will be useful to people already in relationships, and to people who have not yet entered into them. It will be useful to everyone who wants to better understand themselves and others, and who wants to learn how to build truly happy relationships. This book provides the definitive answer to the question of what real, healthy and eternal relationships are, both romantic and friendly. And also shows what qualities one must possess in order to build such relationships — and how to develop these qualities in oneself.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherNikolay Saveliev
    Release dateNov 6, 2018
    ISBN9780463198858
    Gender Relationships
    Author

    Nikolay Saveliev

    Screenwriter. Creative director. Designer. Inventor. Martial arts expert.

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      Book preview

      Gender Relationships - Nikolay Saveliev

      INTRODUCTION

      This book will be useful to people already in relationships, and to people who have not yet entered into them. It will be useful to everyone who wants to better understand themselves and others, and who wants to learn how to build truly happy relationships. This book provides the definitive answer to the question of what real, healthy and eternal relationships are, both romantic and friendly. And also shows what qualities one must possess in order to build such relationships — and how to develop these qualities in oneself.

      This book is a kind of blueprint for the mind, where the complexity and usefulness of what can be built depends entirely on the reader. The more you will think about what you have read, the better and more useful will be the edifice you're able to understand and build — and the more it will incorporate all of the features described in this manuscript.

      PRICE OF ATTENTION

      People face all sorts of difficulties in relationships, from mere trifles to larger issues — betrayal, humiliation, deception, neglect. Issues causing all sorts of pain, both psychological and physical. People face all these perils primarily because they don't appreciate what they have, and therefore they allow all these negative phenomena to occur.

      The first thing to do in order to get closer to building healthy relationships is to understand their value. It's necessary to understand the value of any relationship in which you find yourself — whether friendly or romantic. And it's necessary to understand the value of reciprocity — without which no relationship is possible.

      Any relationship is, of course, impossible without the presence of a second person. You need to understand the value of this fact — and in doing so, understand the value of this second person. It's supremely necessary to understand how valuable it is that someone in the world has taken notice of you. And also necessarily need to appreciate the opposite — what it means, and what it is, to be without friends, and without any relationships. It's necessary to see how much this situation is already occurring in your life. You need to see how many people in this world ignore you, and don't want to interact with you in any way.

      To see this, you need to pay attention to how you yourself treat other people, people who are strangers to you. You need to pay attention to how you ignore most everyone and withhold your consideration from most everyone. It's necessary to understand also that most people don't care about you, except those people who make up your circle of communication — people who have noticed you in this world, and who still want to have something to do with you. It's necessary to see and realize this, to appreciate this, and to see the real value of each person whom you can call a friend, your other half, or a close person.

      To realize the value of everyone who surrounds you, you need to understand what generally defines a person as a friend or close friend. A person becomes close — a friend, or something more — only in the presence of mutual understanding. The basis of any interaction, any relationship, is understanding. And relationships can be healthy only if there is understanding on both sides — only if there is complete mutual understanding between the two people.

      To understand another person, their thoughts, intentions, and so on, you need to first understand yourself. After all, if a person is not able to understand himself, his desires, thoughts, fears, goals, intentions, and worldview in general — if a person doesn't understand what is happening in his own head — what are the chances he will accurately comprehend what goes on in the head of another person? It's simply not possible! One can only rely on luck. So, in order to be able to correctly understand another person, one must know and understand oneself.

      And it's important to remember the following — to understand someone means to appreciate this person, and therefore to do them absolutely no harm.

      Before you call someone your friend, you must make sure that he understand you. It's in vain to consider someone as friend if understanding comes only from your side. Because if a person doesn't understand you in return, then you're not considered a friend to him, and so it's in vain to consider this person a friend.

      To understand means to appreciate, and if a person doesn't understand and appreciate you, then he can't be considered as your friend, because he do not understand or appreciate you. This means that he may not be good to you — and that is not a friend.

      Before you identify someone as your friend, make sure that they understand you, and consequently appreciate you. And of course, you have to make sure that you yourself really understand the second person — that you're not deceiving yourself, considering yourself someone else's friend, believing erroneously that you understand him.

      A friend is a person who understands someone. They can become your friend only if they understand you in return. A friend is someone who understands you — not just one that you understand. For example you can understand a hero or idol of yours, but this doesn't make them your friend, because your idol may not even know that you exist — so how could they understand you? They can become your friend only if they know you and understand you in return.

      Again, if you understand someone, you can consider yourself their friend — but this person will become a friend to you only if he understand you in return. And in view of the fact that in order to understand someone, you first need to understand yourself, it turns out that the one you understand and to whom you're a friend, will not be able to understand you and become a friend to you, until he understand himself. If you encounter a situation where a person is not engaged in self-development, is not engaged in the process of working to better understand himself — don't expect him to understand you. Don't expect a full understanding from this person, and the real friendship that proceeds from it.

      If you encounter this situation, then all you can do is try to help him to better understand himself.

      Understanding is the basis of all relationships, yet this is what people value the least.

      For understanding to exist between two people, there must be a contact between them, initiated by one of the parties. Contact, attention from another person, is completely devalued in the present day world. People take others' attention for granted, and are very presumptuous about it. They fail to notice how unique it is when someone else pays attention to you, and wants to interact with you.

      To really understand the uniqueness and rarity of this situation, imagine you're in a country where everyone speaks your language. You're in an unfamiliar city, and you walk through an unfamiliar street full of people. You've been walking along for a long time, and have passed a great many people. Suddenly your friend/other half/close person approaches you, and starts to interact with you. He is glad to see you, and ask how you're doing. He shows interest to you, and the two of you converse. It's not difficult to imagine such a situation, because anyone who doesn't live in a remote desert or distant, lofty mountains has experienced this countless times in life — run into friends while out and about. It's a completely ordinary and common situation.

      But is it so simple? Consider how many people passed right by you, whom you took no notice of whatsoever. Consider how many people did not pay attention to you, or show interest in you at all. Consider your loneliness — even among all those people — and how it changed when you met someone you're important to, who cares about you. Consider how many people saw you as you passed by, yet you did not exist in any real sense to any of them. But then you saw someone to whom you do, in fact, exist — your friend.

      Have you noticed how devalued is the word friend? People treat this word, this concept, as something quite ordinary and unremarkable. But before we speak about this word, think again of all those people — all the people in the world who pass you by in a crowded city, to whom you're absolutely indifferent.

      Throughout your life, literally every day, you encounter a great many people. Hundreds, maybe thousands of people, and each of them pass you by entirely. You don't exist for them! Your life is not important to these many thousands of people and you're just not interesting to them. They don't care how you are, how you feel, whether you're all right... they don't appreciate you and don't worry about you. You're just a stranger and an outsider to them. You're nobody to them, and they don't want to know you. And even if you did try and give one of them your attention, or strike up a conversation, you would meet with reluctance, rejection, or perhaps even a stronger or more violent rebuff.

      I hope that you've come a step closer to appreciating how absolutely uninteresting and unnecessary you are to the vast majority of people in the world. And I hope that you've therefore come a step closer to understanding the great value of those who do pay attention to you, who do show interest in you, and who do interact with you — the people who want to know you.

      The next step is understanding the great value of all those who have decided not only to talk to you and get to know you, but to continue knowing you, and become a part of your social circle — the people who want to become your friend.

      But first, consider all the people you've known who decided to give you their attention, who showed an interest in you, and wanted to get to know you, and who engaged in regular communication with you — recall how many of those people in your life are no longer in it! How many of them lost interest in you. Consider the great number of people (relatively) who began to get to know you, learned about your hobbies and your interests, but in the end did not become your friend at all. You ceased to be interesting to them,

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