Geography Is Destiny: Memories, Experiences, Opinions
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About this ebook
Madelon Sheff
Born and raised in the Bronx, New York, Maddy has also lived in Florida, where most of her dating adventures occurred. Now living in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, she is a proud grandmother and a magazine writer. In addition to volunteering and socializing, she pursues her interests in Mah Jongg, Bridge, travel, learning and organizing social groups.
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Geography Is Destiny - Madelon Sheff
Copyright © 2014 Madelon Sheff.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by
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of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher,
and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
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ISBN: 978-1-4917-3303-5 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4917-3304-2 (e)
iUniverse rev. date: 05/02/2014
CONTENTS
Prologue
THE BRONX, NEW YORK
New York Childhood
Be Different Like Me
Shlermie
Water
How My Career Began
Charlie
Keeping Hours
FLORIDA
A Greeting from the Dead
Tale of Two Rabbis
Widowhood: Navigating the Woes and Wonders
Finding My Way
Maddy’s Manual for Moving
The Bereavement Business
TRAVELING
Raj
Intact, on the Back of the Door
My Contacts with the Beautiful People
Arizona Adventure
The Travails of Travel Over 70: Paying a Single Supplement Sucks
NORTH CAROLINA
Doing the Impossible
The Beat Goes On: Stop the Music
Carolina Coffee Crumbs
Lolita’s Kiss and Mini Prose
I’d Rather Be On Her Good Side
Three Degrees of Separation
Attitude and Gratitude
Acknowledgements
For Katelon and Annabelle with endless
love from Grandma Maddy
and
In memory of my sister, Dr. Seana
Shaw and my husband, Aaron
Prologue
A cynical reviewer might think, Oh no! Not another memoir by an old lady with a big ego, time on her hands, and the manic need to write about her not-so-extraordinary life!
But what I offer readers are three valuable, related ideas to use every day: latitude, attitude, and gratitude. Making these three my goals has given me extraordinary experiences—not all of them good, but all of them interesting and some hilarious.
Latitude has a double meaning. It pertains to geography, but it also refers to giving other people the space to be themselves without being judged. I tend to be judgmental, so I like to think of latitude as a place where I can live neither judging anyone, nor being judged in return. Where you are in the world determines what you will eat, the housing choices you will have, the friends you will make, the jobs and educational opportunities you may encounter and more—an entire culture that differs from place to place, far North to far South and back again. I’ve lived in three states: New York, Florida and now North Carolina. Each locale influenced me and helped to shape one goal: a bias toward latitude, a refraining from judgments.
New York was where I was born, raised, educated and married. I worked there, and bore two children. In Florida, I became a widow after fifty years of marriage and decided to write about my experiences in the senior dating scene and widowhood. Writing was a catharsis that helped me cope with difficult situations—loneliness, rejection and lack of motivation. In North Carolina, I re-invented myself once again, but without my support system: friends, Mah Jongg and synagogue membership. I worked devilishly hard to reframe my sturdy, humorous attitude toward life, doing so by filling the void with grand-parenting, writing, painting and volunteering. Above all, with a gargantuan effort to send out my old sunny, resilient attitude because doing so helps me, too.
The reasons for writing essays are persuasion, information, and entertainment, or PIE. Delicious, right? I tend to think iconoclastically about situations, but you needn’t agree with me. That’s fine, but I do have some information to share that you might find beneficial on topics related to the senior social scene and making adjustments after losing spouses and old places you have loved. Mainly, I want to entertain you and provide you with a smile, a smirk, a chuckle or a belly laugh. I tend to think of the brighter side of a situation, and my sense of humor has often helped me over the rough spots. Everyone enjoys a good laugh and sharing it makes it all the more fun.
This memoir is also a chance for you to enter the perhaps unfamiliar world of a Jewish-American diva. My essays are influenced by latitude (geography), attitude (humor, always humor), and gratitude for my education, good health, and the chance to pursue my dream of writing—forever.
THE BRONX,
NEW YORK
Part I
Bagels, Bialys, Babka
New York Childhood
I had a middle-class upbringing in a suburban section of the Bronx characterized by parks, lawns, bridle paths, and farms. The mid-rise, pre-war apartment buildings were considered luxurious. Most of the apartments had one bedroom, large foyers and living rooms, small kitchens, small bathrooms, and a large master bedroom. The local public school was highly rated, with over-achieving students encouraged by doting, stay-at-home mothers. Fathers worked long hours and often six-day weeks. We were sheltered from the horrors of World War II by our parents and managed to live happy childhoods filled with play, books, movies, kosher delis, kosher bakeries, and camaraderie.
After World War II, and the return of our soldiers, we experienced a housing shortage along with opportunities for economic growth. Some of the neighborhood families moved to the suburbs of Westchester and Long Island. My sister and I were surprised when a baby brother came into our lives. Neile was sixteen years younger than I. Our apartment, already crowded, became more so. Neile was two years old, I was eighteen, and Seana fifteen when my father died