Vicious Circles: A Collection of Short Stories

© 2013 Ayman Farouk Taha. All Rights Reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 12/09/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4918-4011-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-4010-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4918-4009-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013921511

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Contents

Acknowledgment and Dedication

Notices

Author’s Note

Introduction

A Thought!

Fear of the Dream

Traveler to Soul Depths

A Day from the Past

Love in the Gray Zone

The Crime!

A Second Encounter

Suspended Friendship

Backward Steps

The Farewell

Two Eyeglasses!

The Shadow

The Impossible Love

The Truth and the Library

The Camera!

About the Author

Acknowledgment and Dedication

To everyone who supported and stood by me. To everyone who believed in the slight talent I have. To everyone who encouraged me in moments of soul brokenness, frustration, and hesitation. To everyone who believed that what I write is worth publishing and sharing with others. To everyone who helped me in editing, designing, and printing this book. To everyone who expressed opinions about the content and provided me with advice, criticism, or praise. To everyone who will read the book and eventually become part of it. To those who encouraged me to translate the book into English to share it with larger number of readers. To you all, I dedicate this book.

Notices

All the stories, characters, and events contained, included, or mentioned in this work of literary fiction are of the author’s imagination and have nothing to do with reality at all.

This book is an English-language translation of a book of the same name that was originally written in the Arabic language. The Arabic book was first published in 2013. The ISBN of the Arabic book is 978-977-6445-07-9. This book was translated by the author.

Author’s Note

We usually live our lives in vicious cycles. We hardly can get out of them or break loose from their control. Sometimes they are related to some place, time, person, or event. Other times they are related to an idea so deeply planted inside us that we can’t come out of its cocoon. Maybe they are related to a connection from whose restrictions we can’t be free. Finally, sometimes they are related to ourselves, body and soul.

We invent those circles or they are imposed upon us. Then we live within their borders. We rejoice them first, and then we complain. Or perhaps we complain about them first and then give up ourselves to them happily. We try to break loose a lot, although the constraint, unconsciously, makes us happy. Or we often look for a constraint to protect us from what our souls were created and imprinted to love: freedom. We struggle with ourselves, others, and life, although we mostly don’t know what we really want. Moreover, we mostly do not dare to look for what we want. This is why most of us live in… vicious circles.

Introduction

The fifteen stories included within this book are dealing with our self-made vicious circles. They are the boundaries inside which we imprison our own minds, souls, bodies, beliefs, actions, and life paths. While some stories deal with only one vicious circle, other stories deal with several circles simultaneously. Moreover, most of the ideas included are controversial and transcultural.

The book starts with a story about a man who is incapable of defying, even within his own mind, the conventional norms and rules that have governed his life since his birth. The last story of the book is about someone who manages to break his imprisoning vicious circles and then achieves great success. Some in-between stories deal with several cases of partial failures and partial success. Some other stories are not about success or failure but about changes in perspectives, thoughts, or feelings.

A Thought!

Rasekh(¹) woke up at seven o’clock in the morning. He hurried to the secondary school at which he had worked as an art education teacher for twenty-three years. At exactly half past eight, he started his first class. The theme of that day’s lesson was drawings inspired by nature.

Looking at the bored and tired faces of his students, he said: Please draw landscapes with ideas stimulated by nature. However, I warn you not to draw any human beings, as that might be considered a violation of Islamic rules.

Most conservative Muslims believe that drawing human beings is prohibited by Islamic rules. He added: Moreover, I advise you not to draw any animals as well for the same reason. Some very conservative Muslims believe that even drawing animals is prohibited by Islamic rules.

At the end of class, he asked the students to hand over their drawings. Having quickly examined their paintings, he noticed that they were significantly similar to each other. Furthermore, they did not reflect any creativity or distinction. Also, they were completely devoid of any ideas. He could not show them to his colleagues, who proudly displayed their students’ distinctive works. He thought for a while, and then he asked himself a question. It was a question he had been asking himself a lot. Why are my students’ paintings always similar and lacking creativity? Maybe he was afraid of trying to answer it!

After school, Rasekh headed to his second job. He had been working at a small advertising company for almost a year. His job was in the design and creativity department. He helped to design new advertisements.

His manager was a thirty-year-old man. He asked Rasekh to prepare several alternative advertising campaigns for a women’s hair-care product. Rasekh presented the initial ideas to his manager, who expressed his dissatisfaction. His manager found the alternatives too similar.

His manager briefly commented: Rasekh, you did not present new ideas here; it was just one old obsolete idea!

Rasekh replied, I am so sorry that you are not satisfied with my efforts. Can I have a two-day extension to prepare better proposals?

His manager agreed reluctantly. Then Rasekh left.

It was about ten o’clock in the evening when Rasekh returned home, exhausted. He took a quick shower and then had dinner with his wife and daughters. He was absent-minded and unable to focus. However, at the same time, he was unable to sleep.

It was two hours after midnight when he decided to go out for a walk in the silence and quietness of the night. He was very tired, both physically and mentally, after his overloaded day. So he walked at a slow pace, which helped him to enjoy the fresh breezes. Cairo’s weather was usually great during October. Moreover, the dim light of that night’s crescent moon added a sense of peace and serenity to the overall atmosphere.

Rasekh walked on the pavement adjacent to a park near his home. The streets were almost empty with no pedestrians or cars. He was walking alone, trying to retrieve memories of the day’s events in particular and the main events of his life in general. He was thinking about how to make progress in his life. His performance in his teaching career was very flat and pale. Furthermore, his performance in his advertising job was within the lower limits. He tried to think of what he could do to develop himself and to improve his performance. He had always felt that there was an unseen glass wall in front of him preventing his progress and almost blocking his mind from innovation. Moreover, he felt that wall discouraged his mind from thinking and prohibited his senses from operating outside strict, tight limits.

While he was slowly walking under those dim lights trying to think of a way to move forward in his life, he found out that he had reached the end of the park fence. He turned left to remain aligned with the park and enjoy its pure air and refreshing breezes. After several steps, he discovered that this road had almost no lighting at all. The exception was some of the crescent moon’s light leaking into the road and the park through the high-rise buildings, which were mostly dark at that time. He did not mind walking in that atmosphere. He considered dimmed lighting with pure air and night tranquility as supporting factors for him to relax and to try to think peacefully.

Several minutes later, his mind moved to a zone of more relaxation and serenity. Then he suddenly saw something very close by, almost colliding with him. He was not sure if he had really seen something or just thought that he saw it. It was as if something had come out of his head and mind. He closed his eyes and reopened them several times. He rubbed his eyes with his fingers. Then he moved two steps backward. After that, he looked at what he saw again. It seemed to him that he was looking at a girl in her late teens. She was of medium beauty and height. She dressed in conservative, long clothes covering most of her body. She was a very ordinary girl with no distinctive features. He was surprised to see that girl alone in such a place and such a late time. That was something that rarely happened due to prevailing conservative traditions and safety considerations. The political unrest in Egypt after the Arab Spring reflected badly on the safety conditions. Moreover, he was surprised by her sudden appearance, as he was sure that the road had been completely empty.

He looked at her. In return, she looked at him. He interestedly examined her. In return, she wonderingly examined him.

He reluctantly said to her: Good evening.

She confidently replied: Good evening.

He was silent for a while and then said to her: Sorry… I almost bumped into you, but I really did not notice your existence. Maybe I was absent-minded and not paying attention to my road. I was trying to think of several issues preoccupying my mind.

She replied him with a smile: It is okay. You really look absent-minded.

He said to her: Do you want me to take you somewhere? It is late, and I am afraid that you shouldn’t walk alone at such a time.

She looked at him and replied with a question: Are you going to a specific place?

He replied: No, I was just having a walk.

She said to him: Well, you can continue your walk, and I am going to walk one or two steps behind you. This way, I will not be interrupting your walk, but at the same time, I won’t be alone.

He liked the idea and agreed. Then he added: By the way, my name is Rasekh. What about you?

She replied with a wondering smile: Do you want to know my name?

He said to her: If you do not mind.

She replied with a laugh: My name is Fekra.(²)

Rasekh continued his walk while she started to walk one or two steps behind him. Several minutes later, he noticed that she looked at nothing but him. She did not move her eyes away from him. He wondered about this. Moreover, he noticed a great similarity between his clothes and hers. They both chose dark colors and conservative, traditional styles. Suddenly, a speeding car passed nearby. She did not look at it at all, and she kept her eyes and focus on him. That made him more curious.

Rasekh felt that Fekra was highly attached to him. He thought that perhaps that was due to her fear of being alone at such a late time or her feeling safe with him. Perhaps all of that created in her a feeling of him as the one who gave her life!

Feeling lonely after a few minutes, Rasekh decided to walk beside Fekra, not in front of her. He thought that maybe having a conversation with her would break his loneliness. Also, this could calm her down and reduce her fear. She was of his daughters’ age, which made him feel compassion for her and triggered his paternal feelings for her.

He directly told her in brief: I will walk beside you.

She replied: Okay, if that does not bother you.

Thus, Rasekh walked beside Fekra instead of walking in front of her. He started talking with her about her studies and family matters. He hid his surprise at the