Friedenland

2013 Gina M. Mullis All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 6/20/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4817-6816-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-6815-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013911468

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Contents

1   Average

2   Mimi and Me

3   A Bird and a Rock on a Sunny Afternoon

4   Why? Why? Why?

5   Lost in Limbo

6   Mind Unhinged

7   Instant Friends

8   Secrets and Sleep

9   Puppy Golf and Yard Gnomes

10   An Important Letter

11   Amiable Friedenlanders

12   Phoenix

13   Fun with Friends in Friedenland

14   Dad and a Party

15   News

16   Laric

18   It never hurts to make a plan B

19   An evil letter

20   There is Never One Right Answer

21   Comforted

22   The Meaning of Friendship

23   Let’s Hold Hands and Share our Love

24   What We Are Fighting For

25   At Last

26   Sacrifice

27   Despair

28   Meanwhile

29   Déjà vu’

30   When the Smoke Clears

I saw him one day while walking home from school, though I felt a sense of déjà vu like I’d seen him before. I don’t believe many things in my life are magnificent, but he was. I felt a surge of hope, of power when I watched him soaring high above. His sound spoke to me. I couldn’t look away. Those feelings were magnified that day. As I lie in the grass, I felt safe with him soaring above. Even after I awoke from Her brutal and meaningless attack feeling hopeless, defeated, and wounded, I felt safe with him flying above. It was at that very moment that I knew my life would change, and I would break free from it. What I hadn’t anticipated was the adventure that lie ahead.

1   Average

I wasn’t always just average, but that’s what I had become. Average height, average looks, average smarts. Well, compared to the shallow-minded half-wits I went to school with, one may consider me brilliant since I actually enjoyed using my brain. I used to consider myself something special, but I guess things change. She, Dad, and I would laugh, I mean spend hours just laughing. I still liked to laugh, don’t get me wrong, and I definitely loved my dad, I just missed Her. I always thought Mom was so great. Then she left. I didn’t know why, and I didn’t even have any kind of story to tell about it because even I, her only child, had no idea where she went or why. Like I said, I guess things change. I thought maybe she’d grown bored with her life. I sure knew the feeling.

It was three months before my adventure-we’ll call it that for now, and I hadn’t heard from her since. My life was average. It’s hard to think of it any other way. Things were just kind of dull. I think Dad and I were in mourning over Mom’s detaching us. No closure. I like to say I didn’t seek answers, but that’d be a lie. I didn’t think I was seeking answers until I found them.

So what does a teenager do when her mind needs stimulated? That’s what I desperately needed. I wanted to break free and just be me, but at fifteen did I really know who I was? It’s a horrible feeling to be trapped inside your own skin. I felt so close to finding myself like that on the tip of my tongue feeling. I just couldn’t break through. I was holding myself back, and I did it all for Dad so he’d think I was okay.

Hey, Annaleise! How was school today, sweetie? Dad asked in his usual friendly voice.

School was fine, Dad, was the only answer I could muster up, too bad it was a lie.

Good, good. Well, dinner will be ready in an hour. Better get working on your homework.

I smiled at him. God, I loved him so much. The spark was missing from his eye. It hurt to look him in the eyes and feel his emptiness. I mean I know I meant the world to him, still do, but it was so obvious that a pain burned within him. Every day we went through the routine. Go to work, go to school, make dinner, do homework, so on, and on, and on and on. It was an act. Maybe if we would have moved after she left things would have been okay. I don’t believe for a second that the cloned houses, cars, and people in our lovely suburban neighborhood helped me in my quest to find myself. A drastic change would have possibly helped me. But again, I put on a happy face for Dad.

He tried to talk about the situation with me, but I’m not one for talking much, or, at least, I wasn’t then.

Honey, are you okay? I mean, really, are you okay? he sincerely cared.

Dad, I’m fine. I’m just tired, was my best answer, again a lie. I hated to lie to him so frequently.

Just know, Annaleise, that I am here for you. I will never leave you. If you want to talk, you know I’m here to listen. Things change, Anne. Sometimes you just have to ride the wind, go along with it, until you find a new course to take. Don’t miss your exit. He smiled and patted me on the head.

I wouldn’t brag about it at school that as a freshman I felt comforted by my dad tucking me in for bed, but I did like it. It was the only thing real in my world. He kissed me on the forehead just like he always had, then shut off my light and left me to sleep. We had always been close like that, except Mom used to be a part of it too.

I could never just fall to sleep peacefully with the switch of my light. I had a gazillion things on my mind that I had to try to silence, solve, or think about before I could even consider slipping into sleep. Every night I went through the same thing. It’s like the darkness closed out all distractions, and all I was left with to occupy my time were my thoughts, which is very dangerous, if you ask me, and exhausting too. You haven’t seen into my twisted mind, but I can tell you from first-hand experience that my mind is like the scariest theme park in the world multiplied by twenty, especially after Mom left and my whole world was twisted and turned. I’d like to think everyone else in the world experiences thoughts, dreams, and images like the ones I did, but I doubt it. No way do the dull kids at school have that kind of thinking; otherwise they wouldn’t be so dull. So, there I was, nightly taking a ride through my own mind until I became overwhelmed or exhausted and could finally fall asleep.

The feelings I felt in the darkness of my mind, though usually painful and frustrating, were the realest and most stimulating. Because, like I’ve mentioned before, I needed something more, there were deep emotions and feelings that I longed to feel again, or at all.

The neighbors all smiled and acted like everything was still perfect in our lovely little worlds, but everyone knew the truth. Dad and I were corrupted and torn like when your favorite shirt gets a stain or hole in it that may be fixable, but the shirt will never be the same again. Dad even joined in with them and put on that bright smile of his. He would talk about the weather, or sports, or whatever neighbors talk about and act like everything was fine. I didn’t go that far. I didn’t need people to think that I was back to normal. After all, I wasn’t. I didn’t need to shout to the world that I was daily running through a maze desperately trying to find Annaleise. I wonder if Dad was doing the same thing. He didn’t act like it, but that’s not saying much. Parents always put on a strong face for the sake of their children.

So there you have it. The beginning of my adventure was just around the corner, and in a nutshell, Mom leaving was the main trigger to my quest. I felt miserable day in and day out.

It gets worse. I was a freshman in high school. High school! The worst place to be when you don’t know who you are. The worst place to be when you are different from everyone else. School was my living nightmare. I had no one to talk to about any of this. I mean, I had friends, well, acquaintances. I have a very strict definition of true friend, and only one person really fit the bill in my miserable school. Mimi Renolds. Everyone else was either just a passing cloud to me, or a starring character in my nightmare. Mimi was there for me, though, and she was real. I trusted only her, while I guarded myself to the rest of my peers.

2   Mimi and Me

H ell High School. Well, okay, that’s not really the name of my school, obviously. But once you know the rest of my tale the name of my school will be completely irrelevant. The important thing to know is that several of the students from my school are entirely responsible for causing me a variety of pain to the point that I had preferred death, but those same people are responsible for shoving me into my adventure. And for that I am thankful.

First, there was Mimi. I couldn’t quite tell her every little thing going on in my mind because even she would think me crazy, but she was the one kind person that knew me better than the other freaks that daily surrounded me. Mimi was my best friend at school. She kept me sane, for the most part, and kept me social (even if only a little). I know she could tell there was more going on in my mind than I was telling, but I loved that she never pried. She did, however, listen well. Anything I cared to say she genuinely listened to. The ironic thing is that she did know about the monster roller coaster in my thoughts. She actually knew more about it than I did. Sounds crazy, I know, but she was vital to my discovery of myself. No, she couldn’t read my mind, but yes, she knew everything, and I had no clue. She hid that fact very well.

Hey, hey, Lady, Mimi said. She had a pretty smile. She was like a big ball of sunshine.

Did you find out if you could stay with me this weekend? She loved girl nights at her place.

Good morning, Mimi, I said still half asleep. Why does school start so early? 7:30 a.m. was hours before my mind felt like waking.

It’s a little too early to be so perky, don’t you think? I couldn’t help but smile at the high energy face and gestures she made to show me that, clearly, it was definitely not too early for her to feel so perky.

So, girl night? My place? Friday? Okay, so she could be a little pushy at times, but it was really more of an excited little girl kind of pushy, not a mean kind.

Yes, Mimi. As if I have anything else more exciting going on. She knew that.

Okay, okay. So, I planned a night of awesome movies and Chinese delivery. Sound okay? She knew, again, that it’d be okay. It’s what we did; feminine movies and lots of food and snacks. I must admit it was a nice change from my daily routine and kind of a little escape from my twisted mind.

So, did you do your history homework? I asked. I always did my homework, and she usually did hers too, but school wasn’t her top priority. She wanted to get out of that town, move to a big city, and pursue a career as a plus-size model or as an actress. She definitely had the beautiful face for it and the big personality too.

Can we not talk about homework, and talk about what a fun time we will have Friday? She gave me the puppy dog look begging me not to ask her about her homework. I rolled my eyes at her.

Okay fine, I said, but you know I can’t hang out with you if you are in the 9th grade forever; it wouldn’t look good for my reputation! I winked. She knew I was kidding.

We didn’t have many classes together, and I really only saw her in the halls between classes, in 5th period speech class, and at lunch, but we usually walked home together after school which allowed us time to catch up on the day’s events (as if there really were any). Now, I do not love gossiping about other students at my school, in fact, I detest drama, but I will admit that it felt nice talking with Mimi about one girl in particular: Sheila Stevens. Ugh. That girl was the cherry on top of my horrid nightmare. It felt good to vent about her to Mimi.

Sheila hated me from the first day of school. I was the little scared and quiet freshman, and she was the big bad junior (never mind the fact that she was still in freshman level courses thanks to her pea-sized brain and lack of common sense). I couldn’t figure out at the time why she targeted me. I figured she just chose a timid looking freshman to pick on, and I was the lucky winner. She didn’t do anything too major, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t annoying and cruel. She would say mean things, knock my books out of my hands, start rumors about me, and other small things like that. She couldn’t go an entire school-day without doing something to put me in a crappy mood. I wasn’t really scared of her until later in the school year when she started to get angry at me for not reacting more severely to her little games. She even got her loser friends in on it. I could have told on her, but what was the point. She would receive a detention, and then come beat the crap out of me for putting her there. I’d rather endure tolerable annoyances daily than take a beating from her and her evil cronies.

Mimi tried to help me by making me smile and helping me out when the jerks did something cruel. Without her there I would have lost my mind early in the year. She was always so patient when I spent an entire walk home complaining about the same old things about Sheila. One day, Sheila started following me after school. She found out that I was a walker and liked the idea of extending her brutality into the after hours. For some reason, though, when I walked with Mimi, Sheila just taunted me verbally and from a distance. Mimi wasn’t big and scary, in fact she was even more vulnerable than me because of her frequent happiness. You would think Sheila would