Forever...With Love

Forever…

with love

Lidia M. Matos

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© 2013 by Lidia M. Matos. All rights reserved.

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Published by AuthorHouse   06/11/2013

ISBN: 978-1-4817-5629-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4817-5628-0 (e)

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Contents

Introduction

Chapter I

Chapter II

Chapter III

Chapter IV

Chapter V

Chapter VI

Chapter VII

Chapter VIII

Chapter IX

Chapter X

"Love is a fire that burns without being seen;

It is wound that hurts without the feel;

It is discontent contentment;

It is discomforting pain without hurting.

It is an unwanting rather than a true wanting;

It is walking in solitude amongst people;

It is a never contentment of contentment;

It is a care that is won with loosing.

It is wanting to be prisoner by will

It is serving who wins the victorious

It is having with who vanishes us loyalty.

But how can its favour to be caused

In human hearts friendship;

When so contradictory to itself is the same love?"

Luis De Camões

Lidia M. Matos

To my beautiful mother Anjelina who taught me to be kind where there is harshness.

And to my cherished beautiful daughter who, is learning that from us,

Diana;

"I love like love loves. I do not know of any other reason to love than love.

What else can I tell you, besides that I love you, if what I want to say to you is that I love you?"

Fernando Pessoa

And to Luis Cabral, my patient companion and friend who’s been a great part of this journey I call life.

Introduction

This is not a happy story. I’m sorry to disappoint you if you were expecting an exciting hot love story. It is a love story but I decided not only to tell the good parts of love as well as all the painful ones. Those are the ones that always affect us the most.

We all seek for happiness. It’s for some, a long and arduous journey to look for something that we’ve no idea what it looks like. What if we find it on our way there and don’t even see it? Would we miss it forever? How many times does it hit us on the face and we’re so busy and blinded, being miserable with the pain and frustration of the failed hunt that we simply pass it by.

The irony of it all is that if we all found happiness as simply as we breathe, there would be no need for these words. The world would have missed out on great poets and their great lost loves and tales.

But then again, all love stories are alike when it comes to expectations and hurt and happiness. She was also very happy. She won’t ever deny that, for a while, anyway. Or, as she likes to say, several whiles.

It made her change as a person. She became more understanding towards others and their childish selfishness but also it made her learn to use her head more often instead of the heart so much and with that she became somewhat a little bitter sometimes. That bitterness made her more aware, more conscious of her weaknesses.

Don’t get me wrong! I’m not a cold heartless monster! I still cry. I do get touched by things that somehow still surprise me. She once said to me, not long ago.

Like I said, I’m sorry to disappoint you but I have to be honest so I’ll tell you exactly what happened in those few years to my dear friend Julia. It’s rather a sad story, about love, about real life love, about feelings, about anger, about hope, about passion, about expectations, about us. This is definitely, our story…

It all happened a long time ago, well not so much in time itself, but for her it seems like it had happened in another lifetime, to someone else. Until then she had never dreamed that her heart could ever be capable of such pain and disappointment. So, they say… when you love so much, you hurt as much. It’s so true! But then, I wonder, why do we love? If we know right from the start that love implies hurt, why do we love? Why do we even look for it? Love isn’t imposed on us. It is a choice, so… why don’t we choose not to love? We love everything, from a beautiful wild yellow flower in the meadow to the thought of an energetic dog playing with its master. We fall in love with that yellow flower, we pick it up because we want it to be ours… then… it dies. And we hurt because we don’t have it anymore. It’s gone. As so happens with everything that surrounds us.

Are we all alike when it comes to love? Are we all searching for that strange and rare sentiment to live it and keep it or could it be for the passion, for the thrill of the journey? It is the passion that drives us to love. It is that first moment, that first spark that determines all the future events.

So maybe, not all of us search for it. Not all of us are ever so fortunate to see the spark, to have the urge to follow the passion, to seek for love. For some, that is simply a waste of time and energy which they much rather use in their conquest for the power that they are so thirsty to have and there’s nothing wrong with that. It is after all a choice anyone can make. Julia chose not to live without the fight or the passion that’s always been a part of her as a human being, and I absolutely agree and should hope to be so fortunate as to experience such passions…

As I go my way I better understand what once Horace, a Roman poet said, Carpé Diem—seize the day, live and appreciate every moment of happiness. They’re so few, so rare.

But let us go back to the story. Forgive me for my interruption.

Chapter I

Trust is born with a glimpse of hope

Staring at her freshly painted canvas, Julia was excited and pleased with the result of a whole night’s work. Still holding a dripping paint brush and hands and shirt covered in yellow, red and black oil paint, when the phone rang next to her on a small dark wooden table beside her easel. She rushed to wipe her hands with an old towel strategically waiting for that moment and picked up the phone, not realizing that not even her nose had escaped the passionate brush she had used. She took a quick glance at the time on the phone screen and was shocked at how she didn’t even notice the sun rise.

Hi, Julia—Sarah’s voice somewhat anxious, suddenly, made her nervous—listen, you have to come immediately!

That was it! Her heart was beating so fast she couldn’t control it. Then she knew. Of course! It had to be. Sarah had told her at the coffee shop, a couple of weeks earlier, that her boss needed someone else to do his secretarial work. Jesus, I really need the job! It would be the best thing in my life right now! I could use a change! she had said at the time.

What do you mean I have to go there immediately?—Her voice could hardly hide the anxiety she was feeling.

I got you a meeting with my boss at last. But you have to come right now because he’s leaving and there’s no telling when he might be able to see you again.

Ok. Look, don’t let him go! I’ll be there in twenty minutes!

The second she hung up the phone she jumped in excitement, ran to the bedroom and changed in two minutes. She had been waiting for that opportunity for some time. She had her paintings and was actually an appreciated artist. She kept herself busy teaching young children the arts of the paint brush and the colors of the rainbow. However, she needed more. She needed to be around people all day. Being a very strong and determined woman, Julia hated solitude. She had too much of that at home when her husband was there. She ran to the bathroom, put on her contacts, put on some makeup, not too much. You know that old saying, less is more and more is less. It also applies to makeup—especially to makeup! She couldn’t give the wrong impression. Of course she wanted to look feminine, which she was naturally, yet soft and lightly. At twenty four she was in her prime. She was a beautiful woman. Not the kind of beauty to stop cars on the street. It was another kind of beauty. The kind that made mature men turn their heads though. Her light copper long hair with natural waves was a magnificent frame to a delicate pale face with big brown eyes and rosy cheeks. Her lips were lusciously full and her red lip gloss just suited her perfectly. Yet her inner beauty was equally great as you will come to realize.

When she arrived at Vila Real, Sarah was already waiting for her at the front door of a beautiful big solid granite wall building. So, that was the Foundation that her possible future boss had funded. Julia smiled as she was parking her car across the street.

As soon as Julia saw her she waved, smiling. She was being a good friend, giving Julia that opportunity. Really, because, she thought, she could have told about the job to any of her friends, but she told her.

Hi, Sarah!—She said running out of the car towards her—is he still here?

Yes! Come on, hurry up! He’s in his office waiting for you. Julia followed her friend up the stairs to the second floor.

Sarah walked into the President’s office while Julia waited outside. The building was huge, so many rooms, so many doors. There were long and wide corridors. It was easy to see that it had been remodelled. Yet, she didn’t have time to see much more because soon enough Sarah appeared at the door to call her.

While Julia was waiting outside, she had tried to calm herself, but, the second she walked inside the office she lost it all. The nerves were making her blood flow at an unimaginable speed. Her heart was bursting with anxiety. It was crucial that she got that job for so many reasons. Financially, of course, but, most importantly for her own self as a person, as a complete and independent woman. She needed to prove herself she could do it again. Julia was that kind of person. She needed to do something else which would make her get out of the house. Lately she felt an anguish of spending too much time alone. She loved her painting but at the moment that wasn’t enough. She was looking for something that she probably didn’t know herself what it was.

She followed Sarah into a small office which led to this huge conference room. And there he was elegantly sitting behind an enormous mahogany desk on a giant black leather chair. Sarah set beside him, Darla was sitting in front of him and she set beside her.

As he went on asking all the usual questions she looked straight in his eyes. For a brief moment she got lost in them. They were ocean blue. They were as deep as the ocean and as mysterious. They had a moment when their eyes met and they both knew right there and then.

Julia liked him almost instantly. They say the eyes are the mirror of the soul. And what she saw made her like him in a way that surprised her. She saw a very troubled and sad man. She saw someone desperate for caring, hungry for love.

Twenty minutes later, Julia was hired and supposed to start the following Monday at nine in the morning.

That weekend went by slowly like every other weekend and on Monday at nine o’clock sharp there she was ready to work. Julia had never had any luck with her previous jobs for different reasons. Once she almost sued her boss because she was harassed in a pathetic way by a truly pathetic man. She never got to do anything about it because her husband said it was best to leave things the way they were. As a woman and a human being she wanted to make that repulsive man pay for what he had done. But, according to her husband no harm was done—so he had said. Anyhow, that was then.

Her office was on the first floor which was the reception. She liked the room very much. It was big with three desks in the middle making a triangle. There were huge cabinets on the right and a bathroom. She liked that—her own bathroom. Big Victorian windows on two walls and that day the sunlight wasn’t too shy to let itself in. "This room is all mine?" she asked herself hardly believing. It was surely about time too! Julia went straight to her desk which was the one right opposite the door and the only one with a computer. Turned it on and did some research of the contents on the disk. Satisfied her initial curiosity, she laid back on her comfortable chair and looked outside. The view was perfect. She could see her car parked in front and beyond there was a nice garden with old trees. In the middle of the garden she could see a playground which was actually quite noisy at that moment. Little boys and girls were running and screaming all over the place. She would later find out that those kids belonged to a kindergarten next to the Foundation.

Her work would be to assist her boss personally and that meant sitting in front of a computer writing for several hours. It would be no piece of cake, she thought, but it was great in every other aspect, the best she had ever had, so she was ready to make the best, like she always did, and who knew, maybe someday she would do something really important. But most importantly she was amongst a lot of people. That building had