Found, Forgiven, Forgotten
By Sue McGee
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About this ebook
Lost in a maze of confusion and desperation, suicide seemed to be the only solution. I had a life of chaos spent searching for my purpose in life. My search including a God I knew was there but did not know how to seek Him. Was He really there, and if so, why couldn't I find Him? Many songs came out during the 60's and 70's that described me perfectly. Some of the words were; How do I get off from this merry-go-round, my head is spinning, lonely girl, caught in this game, lost as a lamb, and who am I? I cried every time I heard these songs because I could relate to them all. I knew I was caught in a web of despair but did not know how to become free or find hope by trying to find my way out of the maze alone. God sent a light from above through a dream He gave me that I believe was the hand of an angel. She took me by the had and helped to guide me through the maze to a path that began to bring me peace and hope. I followed her in my dream to a pathway that was leading me to God. She said, do not be afraid. God loves, God cares, God hears. From there I became involved in Bible Studies, support groups and church meetings. He sent wonderful people to me that helped me grow as a Christian woman. He has used my past over and over again during the past thirty-five years to help others find HOPE and peace in a dark and confusing world. My siblings and I were raised in a dysfunctional home where there was addiction, abuse, alcoholism, incest, homosexuality, molestation, adultery, anger, and oppression. He took our lives and recreated us and made something beautiful of our lives. Why? Because He is real. HE LIVES! There is hope, we just have to want it. H-Hope O-Offers- P-Promises- E- Everyday. HOPE also Opens Painful Eyes so we can truly see the wonderful plans He has for all of us no matter what our past was like.
Sue McGee
This book is perfect for offering HOPE to broken people and broken families. There is help but we must realize we need help before we can actually see results. My personal journey took so long before I found that there truly is a God who cares, He knows, He loves. My parents were sick people who were very damaged. Therefore my siblings and I suffered greatly. I went on a journey to find my purpose and wanted the same for all my precious siblings. We all have found forgiveness and HOPE. We live wholesome lives now and see one another regularly. We also are better parents than our parents were. Our prayer is that all family's and individuals will find HOPE and happiness through the steps we have taken in this book. We want the same for you! Please call me if your church would like to have me speak at their ladies groups or retreats. I am honored to share my past in order to help others to gain freedom from their past. I can be reached by calling my cell phone. My email address is suemcgee@comcast.net
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Found, Forgiven, Forgotten - Sue McGee
© 2013 by Sue McGee. All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.
Published by AuthorHouse 03/09/2013
ISBN: 978-1-4772-9420-8 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4772-9421-5 (e)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2012922290
Front cover design illustrated by: Samantha Fraley
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
All Bible translations are taken from New American Standard Bible, the Open Bible and the New International Version.
Contents
Foreword
Introduction Maze of Confusion
Chapter One Your Past Does Not Define You
Chapter Two From Hopelessness to Hope
Chapter Three He Found Me, He Forgave Me, and Now My Sins Are Forgotten? How Can This Be?
Chapter Four Relying on God for Our Future Destiny
Chapter Five Trusting God in All Circumstances
Chapter Six Praise Him
Chapter Seven Generational Curses
Chapter Eight Reaping What We Sow
Chapter Nine The Armor of God
Chapter Ten Letting Go
Bible Studies
Reviews and Comments
This book is dedicated to my husband for his unconditional love.
To my courageous, forgiving children.
To my siblings, who endured and grew with me.
To my wonderful friends, aunts, sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, cousins, nieces, and nephews, who helped me to grow deeper in knowledge and understanding.
To my beautiful, amazing grandchildren and their children to come.
Foreword
Sue has served in ministry though her church for thirty-four years. She has been a guest speaker at several women’s retreats and conferences and has led Bible studies in church and in her own home. She is also a small group leader in her church.
Sue and her husband, Bob, began the Women’s Family Center Ministry in Solano County in 1986, after opening their first center in a warehouse in Contra Costa County, where they first lived. This was an intercity missionary project that operated for seven years. Churches in the community helped support the ministry that was specifically for women and children who were victims of circumstances beyond their control. Sue and Bob soon rented two homes in Solano County for the women and children to stay in while they were learning how to become sufficient and stable though the ministry. Sue and Bob’s purpose was to create a center where women’s needs were M-E-T though Ministry, Evangelism, and Training. The training and teaching helped the women and children go back out into society with more confidence and stability, ultimately for the hope of restoring their families to wholeness.
The center was turned over to the Salvation Army when they arrived in Vacaville, California, where Sue and her husband continue to live. Bob and Sue stayed with the Salvation Army for two years more in order to assist it in doing the same work as the center was doing.
Sue McGee’s prayer is that this book will help guide men and women to healing no matter what their past was like, ultimately bringing about restoration for their families in every sense of the word.
Sue McGee has been a small group leader for several years and is driven by the compassion of Jesus Christ to see hurting women healed and brought to wholeness through hope in Him. We are blessed to have such a passionate leader here at our church.
Tim Nalley
Small Groups Pastor
The Father’s House
Introduction
Maze of Confusion
Lost in a maze of confusion and desperation, suicide seemed to be the only solution. I had had a life of chaos spent searching for purpose and God. Was He really there, and if so, why couldn’t I find Him? Many songs came out during the 60’s and 70’s that described me perfectly. Some of the words were; merry-go-round, my head is spinning, lonely girl, caught in this game, lost as a lamb and who am I? I cried every time I heard these songs because I knew I was caught in a web of despair and did not know how to become free by finding my way out of the maze. I could relate to each song as if the writer was specifically speaking to me.
Life was just too difficult. I finally left home when I was seventeen, hoping that a life of my own would bring hope to a lost and broken woman. Three sons later, I was still in the same state. My marriage was abusive, which left me more disillusioned and deeply wounded. I loved my babies so much that I stayed for eleven years. When I left Ohio, I took my sons with me to California, hoping to begin a new life. We stayed with my brother and his wife and two children until I could find an apartment and a job.
My boys missed their dad so much, especially my oldest son. I took him to counseling so I could find out what I could do to help his pain. There was nothing I could do but let him go back to live with his dad. He did not do very well back in Ohio either because he missed his brothers and I so much. I have always regretted letting him go back to Ohio. I thought his dad would be so happy to have him, and I thought my son wanted to be there so much that I believed everything would be just fine.
Once again, not everything was fine. I moved several times with my two boys because I could no longer afford the apartments I rented. I changed jobs frequently because of problems with child care and my car. My sons had no stability or security. Life became so unbearable for me that I felt my children would be better off without me.
My mind convinced me that I was no good to anyone, even my children. My parents and my brothers and sisters could not help me in any way. They had too many problems of their own. Life was just too overwhelming to try to make it on my own with the little education I had. I only made it to the eleventh grade and only knew how to serve, so I became a waitress. I tried every shift they had available but still could not hold down a job or even count on my child care.
Finally, suicide seemed to be the only solution. Maybe this time, I could actually go through with it. I had tried when I was twelve years old, I had tried when I was nineteen, and now here I was at twenty-nine, trying again. Suicide must have just been a cry for help, because I did not die. I just became very sick.
Out of desperation and needing help and a dad for my two sons, I married again at the age of twenty-nine.
I married a man who was worse than the first one. He was very abusive, besides being an alcoholic and drug addict. Why do I fall for all the wrong men? What is wrong with me? I must be as sick as they are.
We divorced after three years that seemed like ten years. He left me more defeated, but out of this marriage came a beautiful baby girl. My sons and my daughter gave me a reason for living. They were good kids in spite of what I dragged them through. I went to counseling to see if someone somewhere could fix me, make me whole, and help me to be a good mother and a healthy person.
What is the answer? How do I get off from this merry-go-round? How do I find the end of this maze that I created to a life of hope? Where is God?
Chapter One
Your Past Does Not
Define You
I grew up in a dysfunctional home where there was addiction, abuse, alcoholism, incest, homosexuality, molestation, adultery, anger, and oppression. My parents were so-called Catholics.
I remember when my mom stopped going to church with my dad and my other siblings. There were six of us kids. I was the second oldest with three sisters and one brother under me and one brother older than me. I tried to keep going to church because somehow I knew there was a God and that He truly existed. I wanted to take my little sisters and my little brother with me, so I encouraged them onto their bikes to ride with me to church or have Dad drop us off. Dad eventually quit going to church also.
I remember asking my mom why she and Dad stopped going to church. Her excuse was that she did not have nice clothes to wear. We were not poor, but we had little. Later, I found out it was because she had given up hope of ever having to be good enough. Mom began to take birth control, which the church forbade, which I could never understand. How can the church condemn a person for not wanting to be pregnant every year? They couldn’t even take care of the six children they had! Then there was the swearing and screaming on top of all the other dysfunction that the Ten Commandments forbade.
Mom was a very sad, broken woman. Dad would tell her in detail the sexual relationships he had with other women. Mom began drinking more and more. We found hidden bottles everywhere. Dad drank also. He was a passive drunk. Mom was an angry drunk. She hit us often with her fist. She also called us names that unfortunately stuck with us all through our lives. Don’t think your children forget the abusive words you say to them. They never forget. It harms their self-esteem for life. Passive parents are just as abusive. A noncaring attitude makes a child feel unwanted, and it also harms a child’s self-esteem for life. All six of us have been married several times and have struggled with insecurity in one form or the other to this day. Though we have found healing, we still remember the pain.
Mom began drinking and hanging out at bars more and more. She took us with her when she had no one to leave us with, or we would beg her to let us go so we didn’t have to stay home