Jokes - Apart: Laughs from a Life Time of Pass Around Internet Jokes
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About this ebook
Sheroy Kermani
The Author Sheroy Kermani Born in an Iranian family in Mumbai, sheroy was always very creative in many ways. His first love was cooking which he still pursues. Graduated from a management school in India he became a fine young chef with a leading hotel chain in India. But definitely somewhere between his passion for cooking & a flair for hotels, sheroy had the time to catch up on his internet connections in the most humorous of ways; through jokes & quotes forwarded from 1000’s of unknown & familiar friends from across the world. That was one link that brought sheroy even closer to his friends, not to mention touching base with his lighter side of life. Over the years hundreds of jokes were sent to him & stored in his personal collection on the internet. Sheroy then decided to share his humor with people who would have read them in the past, yet forgotten or deleted them. This is his personal collection of a lifetime of laughter which was treasured & now yours for reading.
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Jokes - Apart - Sheroy Kermani
AuthorHouse™
1663 Liberty Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403
www.authorhouse.com
Phone: 1-800-839-8640
© 2012 Sheroy Kermani. All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,
or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.
Published by AuthorHouse 11/7/2012
ISBN: 978-1-4772-6515-4 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-4772-6514-7 (e)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2012916407
Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,
and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.
Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
missing image fileContents
God & HARLEY DAVIDSON…
Indian cab driver
Picky marriage
Little Johnny’s BIG Story
International Women
3 men in a Bar
Subject: In heaven
Car Accident
I THINK YOU’RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS………
Everything has a gender
Short poems…
Bed Time Prayer…
Blond Jokes
Interesting survey
I HOPE WHEN I’M 85 AND ON A CRUISE SHIP…I HAVE THE SAME ATTITUDE!
One-Question IQ Test
Little Jonny
The travel writer
International wives!!
VOTED BEST SHORT JOKE
Men!
Men are like….
Sisters of St. Francis
HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER!
Field Trip
The frog wish
Award winning joke
Irish Math’s Test
How to get to heaven
Doctor’s joke
One liner’s
The chickens
Blonde test
ANSWERS :
Famous quotes
Money
Smart Hubby…
WHY INDIAN HELL IS MORE POPULAR ?
SANTA’S ANSWER PAPER TO THE MEDICAL EXAMINATION
What’s a surname?
The First Sensible Chain E-mail….. from Billy Connolly
Globalization
Santa becomes the priest!!!- A real good one
A good laugh
CATS
Pregnant Blonde
Indian boy on his first day at school in U.S.A.
At the GYM….
Catholic Mums
BEER, FISHING, GOLF & SEX:
Conversation
Management…..naughty but really funny!!!
The Old Pastor’s Last Request
Baptising a Drunk
More blonde jokes…
WISE QUOTES
Vicarious pleasure
LIFE `S GREAT QUESTIONS
Voted best short joke!!
Ass
HIPPPPPPPPPOCRACY
0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Girls night out
A Really Bad Day
Advantages Of Being A Woman
Electric Train
A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
From A Mother With Love
Impossible to Please
Two zebras pondering
Poor guy
New prefix
Blonde paint job
Husband’s Great Gift
Male Bashing
Farting All The Time
Age Quotes
Labour Pains
Got a headache
Spaghetti
Church Bells
Granddaughter
The librarian
One Liners
Clever Teacher
Feed the Pigs..
Walking on water.
Outrageous flattering
Red faced Judge….
Painting job..
The Magic Penis
SLEEPING WITH MICK
Signs
IDIOT SIGHTINGS:
I love this one!:
Dog Watch
Number One Sport
101 Ways To Annoy People
Addicted to Internet Porn
Heaven And Hell
Signs That You are Too Drunk
Off to Vegas
Money Talks!
Encyclopaedia Britannica
Doctor & PATIENT…
SMART BLONDE JOKE
TRADE…
FUNNY ENGLISH NOTICES AROUND THE WORLD!
Blonds & UFO’s
Halloween Things That Sound Dirty But Aren’t
Halloween
Marriage
umb Men…
Things Not To Say During Childbirth….
Farmer & his wife…
Social Security
Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters
How to Annoy Your Waiter:
Fart Personalities…
Teaching students…
Ticket Prices
You Know You Are Old When
Adopted Language
Guess Who?
Think!
Sex in the Office
Prince Charles and the Hooker
Storm Training
Potentially VS. Reality
The Wedding Night
Blonde Breathalyzer Test
1 Wish Per Blonde
The Baptismal Service
Best Friend
The Auction
Do You Know Me?
The bank….
TRUE MEANING OF MALE STATEMENTS
The doctor…
SEX AFTER DEATH
Da Dude
Jack Schitt
You’ll love this one
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
GOD’S SENSE OF HUMOUR !
Laughter moments
THE PHARMACIST
Sardarji at it again
Chair
ONLINE CHATTING … ENJOY !
DESSEY COW
Silence of the Lambs
Never Trust a Lawyer !!!!!!
Woman gets even………..
Irish Prostitute
Happy Gobble Gobble
Living in 2006
Little Davie
The Way Children See Things!
INSTALLING HUSBAND
FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!
God & HARLEY DAVIDSON…
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. ‘Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.’
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ‘ I want to hang out with God.’
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, ‘Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? ‘
Arthur said, ‘Yeah, that’s me…’
God commented: ‘Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can’t run without a road?’
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, ‘Excuse me, but aren’t you the inventor of woman?’
God said, ‘Ah, yes.’
‘Well,’ said Arthur, ‘professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !
1. There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
‘Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,’ replied God, ‘hold on.’
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
‘Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,’ God said to Arthur, ‘but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours’.
>>> There is always a moral to learn from every story…. dont u think…
Indian cab driver
If you’ve ever had an Indian taxi driver, you’ll love this one…
A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi at Fortitude Valley in Brisbane, Qld Australia.
The Indian driver opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the Cab.
What’s wrong with you Luv, haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?
I’ll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from…
Well, if you’re not bloody staring at me Luvie, what are you doing then?
Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking and thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping the money to pay me?!
Picky marriage
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : ‘Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?’
The husband laughs and says: ‘An Italian girl !!!’
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: ‘So, honey, how was the trip?’
‘Very good, thank you.’ ‘And, what happened to my present?’
‘Which present?’ She asked.
‘The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!’
‘Oh, that’ she said
‘Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for 9 months to see if it is a girl!!!’
Little Johnny’s BIG Story
Little Johnny watched his daddy’s car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Karen in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother.
"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Karen a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Karen helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Karen…
At this point Mommy cut him off. "Johnny, this is such an interesting story. Why don’t you save the rest of it for supper time? I want to see the look on Daddy;s face when you tell it tonight.
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story: " I was at the playground and I saw Daddy/s car go into the woods with Aunt Karen. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Karen a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Karen helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Karen and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and uncle Jack used to do when Daddy was in the Army.
>>> Moral – you need to sometimes listen to the whole story before you Interrupt.
International Women
ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Se cond Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex. She wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.
CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Se cond date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don’t even get to the third date and you’ve already realized nothing is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Se cond date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
BLACK WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She’s pregnant by someone other than you.
MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She’s pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in.
One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father’s girlfriend’s mother, her two cousins, her sister’s boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
ARAB WOMEN:
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date: Guy is shot dead. No third date!!!
IRANIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You will have to spend all your money to impress her
Second Date: You will take a loan to keep the image
Third Date: Your are broke, she finds someone wealthier
3 men in a Bar
An Italian, a Frenchman and an Parsi were drinking at a bar, discussing