G-D Is a Flaming Liberal

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© 2012 Freddy Feffelfinger. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or

transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 06/21/12

ISBN: 978-1-4772-2383-3 (ebk)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-2384-0 (sc)

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1:

THE BIBLE AND THE SEVEN DAYS OF CREATION

CHAPTER 2:

A TRIAL OF THE BIBLICAL LEADERS

FOR SEXUAL SINS

CHAPTER 3:

THE BIBLE AND THE FETUS

CHAPTER 4:

THE SLAVE GIRL YOU CAN FOOL AROUND WITH

AND THEN SAY YOU’RE SORRY

CHAPTER 5:

THE BIBLE AND THE REBELLIOUS SON

CHAPTER 6:

THE BIBLE AND SLAVERY

CHAPTER 7:

THE BIBLE AND THE WOMAN WHO GRABS

HER HUSBAND’S ASSAILANT’S GENITALS

CHAPTER 8

THE BIBLE AND HOMOSEXUALITY

CHAPTER 9

WHY THE BLESSING OF THE KOHANIM

IS ESPECIALLY FOR YOU

INTRODUCTION

Most of the ideas in this book I stole from my friend Jack, but he’s dead now and can’t sue me.

And thank you to my brother Moshe, who helped me proofread. But I refuse to believe what he told me about who and whom.

CHAPTER 1:

THE BIBLE AND THE SEVEN DAYS OF CREATION

In the beginning of G-d’s creating the heavens and the earth—when the earth was astonishingly empty, with darkness upon the surface of the deep, and the Divine Presence hovered upon the surface of the waters—G-d said, Let there be light, and there was light. G-d saw that the light was good, and G-d separated between the light and the darkness. G-d called to the light: Day, and to the darkness He called: Night. And there was evening and there was morning, one day.

The translation is as per the Stone Edition of the Chumash (five books of Moses–Torah).

It’s an erudite translation, isn’t it?

We know that the Bible will continue with the story of creation of everything, including man, in six days. And, in the words of the song, It ain’t necessarily so. We all know that creation took billions of years.

Let’s issue an in your face challenge to Torah. Creation is the first episode in Torah. If creation is not to be interpreted literally, if Torah’s account is allegorical only, then why should we take anything in Torah as true? Maybe it’s all just nice stories—bedtime stories for children. A child’s tale: why should we believe any of it?

Let’s put this in the form of a schematic:

IF:

Is this too harsh? We’ll come to the rescue.

Plus such minor matters as the earth apparently existing from the first day, with dry land appearing on the third day, and the sun not being created until the fourth day! Or all the animals being created at the same time in the sixth day, etc, etc.

L’havdil¹, have you ever played bridge? I don’t, but I read the bridge column sometimes in the newspaper, as an exercise in logic. Sometimes there is only one possible solution to the lay of the cards, and you must play the hand with that one solution in mind.

Let’s rearrange our schematic to a more favorable setup—in fact, the only possible favorable setup:

The world was not created in seven days, and

The story of creation is literally true.

And Torah tells us it’s true! As is well known, the last three letters of the first three Hebrew words are taf, aleph and mem. Rearrange the letters, and they spell emes – truth - in Hebrew. Perhaps Torah is issuing us an in your face challenge.

We will discover how Torah’s account of creation is literally true, and that the world was not created in seven days, by examining the exact words and semantics. And the proof—our analysis—will be simple—even easy.

A word of apology before I begin. There is so much in every line in Torah, every pasuk (group of words forming a concept), every word, that the trick will be to write clearly and concisely enough without being wordy. We will have to exclude a lot.

OK, on to the chase. Here is our roadmap.

We can resolve the dating of the seven days of creation by analyzing the usage of the word Vay’hi—And it was.

We can resolve other apparent anomalies of the timing of the seven days by analyzing the usage of vay’hi cain—and it was so.

And finally, we can look at the words And G-d saw that it was good to show that creation did not occur in seven days.

Vay’hi—and it was.

Excluding (for now) the story of creation, with one general exception, every time in Torah the word vay’hi is used with regard to time, that time is specified—dated for us. As illustration let’s examine examples beginning with Parsha Noach—Noah—the second chapter in Genesis.

Genesis, Noah, 7-10:

And it came to pass after the seven day period that the waters of the flood were on the earth.

And it came to pass is the English translation of Vay’hi.

When did it come to pass? After the seven-day period.

Noah, 8-6:

And it came to pass at the end of forty days, that Noah opened the window of the Ark which he had made.²

Again in Noah, 8-13:

And it came to pass in the six hundred and first year, in the first month, on the first of the month, the waters dried from upon the earth…

This translation certainly favors And it came to pass, doesn’t it?

All of these usages of Vay’hi are dated for us by Torah: after the seven-day period, at the end of 40 days, and in the six hundred and first year.

This dating is too easy and too pat. Perhaps parsha Noah is a special case. Let’s go back into Beraishis, after the story of creation is over.

Beraishis, 6-1:

And it came to pass when Man began to increase upon the ground and daughters were born to them…

Vay’hi is used, and a dating is expressed: when man began to increase upon the ground.

Even earlier in Beraishis, 4-3:

And it was after a period of days, Cain brought an offering to G-d of the fruit of the ground.

Sometimes the dating by Torah appears vague:

Genesis, 22-1, the beginning of the story of Abraham binding his son Isaac for a sacrifice:

And it happened after these things…

Vay’hi…after these things…

And another example of vague dating, in Genesis, 38-1, when Judah leaves his brothers after Joseph is sold: It was at that time that Judah went down from his brothers and turned away towards an Adullamite man whose name was Hirah.

Vay’hi…at that time.

What time? That time. While this dating, along with the previous examples, appears vague, it fits our putative rule: with one general exception, when the word vay’hi is used in reference to time, there will always be a dating provided by Torah, even if that dating seems imprecise.

Why would Torah give us imprecise dating? I don’t know, but the fact is that vay’hi, in relation to time, is always dated. With one exception.

When vay’hi is used with regard to G-d, there is no dating:

Genesis, Vayeishev, 38-7, regarding Er, the firstborn of Judah, who performs sexual sins³: But Er, Judah’s first born, was evil in the eyes of G-d, and G-d caused him to die.

Vay’hi Er, Judah’s firstborn…

This relates to an occurrence in time, but because it relates to G-d time, there is no dating. Or, possibly, there is no single dating because the occurrences were numerous.

A quick aside: Vay’hi also is used by Torah not as a function of time, but to express a condition. In this case, dating is not generally used by Torah.

In Genesis, Lech Lecha, 12-10:

There was a famine in the land, and Abram descended to Egypt to sojourn there.

There was – vayi’hi – refers to a condition, and not to time. There is no dating.

So, again, our general rule: every time Vay’hi is used to express time, that time will be dated by Torah.

Returning to Beraishis and the story of creation, we have three semantic possibilities related to vay’hi:

A.   Vay’hi, used in connection with the seven days of creation, is dated for us. Vay’hi erev, vay’hi voker, yom echad—And it was evening, and it was morning, one day. This will be dated for us, upon further analysis.

B.   Our second semantic possibility—the story of creation is an exception, and the usage of vay’hi is undated. There is no dating for the seven days of creation.

C.    Vay’hi in the seven days of creation relates to G-d time and therefore is undated in terms of a human calendar.

The standard interpretation of Torah is that the dating is defined for us: our year currently—today—is 5766, according to the Jewish calendar. Torah does account for the years elapsing since creation in various narratives within Torah. The world was created 5,766 years ago, starting back from this morning. And the dating? The seven days of creation correspond to—well, the seven days of creation.

Except, of course, we know this really didn’t happen, don’t we? A violation of science, and sense. Creation didn’t take seven days.

OK, enough. Can we propose a solution?

The word vay’hi, when used in relation to time, is always dated by Torah, except when it relates to G-d time. Accordingly, its usage will be dated for us in the story of creation.

In day one, when G-d says, Let there be light, the day is defined not as the first day, but as one day. Undated. Each of the next four days are also undated, except as being part of a sequence:

Day one: And there was evening and there was morning, one day.

Day two: And there was evening and there was morning, a second day.

Day three: …a third day.

Day four: …a fourth day.

Day five: …a fifth day.

However, the sixth day is, at least subtly, dated:

Genesis, beginning 1-26:

And G-d said, Let us make Man in Our Image, after Our likeness. They shall rule over the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and over the animal, the whole earth, and every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth. So G-d created Man in His image, in the image of G-d He created him; male and female He created them.

G-d blessed them and G-d said to them, Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea, the bird of the sky, and every living thing that moves on the earth.

G-d said, Behold, I have given to you all herbage yielding seed that is on the surface of the entire earth, and every tree that has seed-yielding fruit; it shall be yours for food. And to every beast of the earth, to every bird of the sky, and to everything that moves on the earth, within which there is a living soul, every green herb is for food. And it was so. And G-d saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning, the sixth day.

We could write volumes, and more, about these passages. It fair takes your breath away, doesn’t it?

The sixth day! The only day described with a definite article. The first five days are defined in relation to the sixth day—the sixth day. When did the first five days occur? Directly before the sixth day. And when did the sixth day occur? When G-d blessed man and performed, additionally, one (but not all) of the activities described in the sixth day. Well after the creation of the universe. May we come back to this for our denouement?

Is this a ridiculous hypothesis – that the six days don’t correspond to creation? Why would Torah specify events occurring in, or in connection with, the first six days of creation, if the events did not, in fact, occur in those six days? May we deal with this also soon?

So there are actually seven real days. Seven real, human days. And they occurred precisely when G-d decides to bless man and create man in His own image. But we’re jumping ahead.

I told you the seven-day solution was simple, right? Maybe even pedestrian? (Pedestrian means unexciting or ordinary.) We’ll revisit this later and present an additional dating: an internal proof. And we’ll even try to provide an epiphany.

Onward—what about all the other anomalies in the story of creation?

When orthodox Jews study Torah together, they use the word weiter—Yiddish for onward. May I say weiter?

And what about⁴ the fact that the earth was apparently created on the first day, the firmament was created on the second day, the dry land on the earth appeared on the third day, the sun and stars were placed in the sky on the fourth day, etc? After all, that’s what Torah appears to say.

Let’s imagine—wildly—that everything in Torah is precise. And we can trust the language to be absolutely precise. Wouldn’t that be exciting? And challenging, because we would be sure that the more we study Torah, the more will be revealed. And the apparent ellipsis—crypticism—of the story of creation can be explained.

Vay’hi cain—and it was so.

Usage of the word cain in Hebrew—meaning thus or so—when used in relation to time signifies that the event being described does not take place precisely at that point in Torah’s narrative but, in fact, occurs at a different time—either later on, or earlier. Usage in Torah includes vay’hi cain—and it was so, vayaas cain—and he did so, and vayaasu cain—and they did so.

Examples:

Genesis, Noach (Noah), 6-21 and 6-22. G-d is talking to Noah: And as for you, take yourself of every food that is eaten and gather it in to yourself, that it shall be as food for you and for them. Noach did according to everything G-d commanded him, so he did.

So he did is vayaas cain, in Hebrew. This instruction by G-d to Noah occurs before the rain starts, before additional instructions by G-d to Noah, and before Noah takes all the animals onto the ark. The above instruction by G-d to Noah regarding food is not repeated; Noah complies with G-d’s instruction regarding food for the animals aboard the ark, but not at this precise time in the