Good Grief: A Companion to Change and Loss
By Dipti Tait
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About this ebook
Grief can be your best friend, or your worst enemy.
Whether we are grieving for a loved one or for a time in our lives that has passed, each loss we face brings with it an element of change.
Our abilities to step out of the old and adjust to the new can often be held back by our fear of these changes, preventing us from defining a new, positive pathway.
Whatever your loss, and however you are adjusting to it, this book can help you move forward into a state of acceptance.
Whether you keep it by your bedside, in your desk, or tucked into a bag, Good Grief is the little voice telling you that you can do it, and that you are not alone.
Dipti Tait
Dipti Tait is a respected grief therapist, mental health lecturer and ex-media producer at the BBC. She is frequently invited to be a guest speaker on TV and radio, including on ITV’s This Morning, Good Morning Britain, BBC Asian Network and Ariana Huffington’s Thrive Global. She recently featured on the BBC Asian Network podcast Deep, Down & Desi: Fresh To Death.
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Book preview
Good Grief - Dipti Tait
GOOD
GRIEF
A COMPANION TO CHANGE AND LOSS
DIPTI TAIT
25633.pngCopyright © 2016 Dipti Tait.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Balboa Press
A Division of Hay House
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Bloomington, IN 47403
www.balboapress.com
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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.
ISBN: 978-1-5043-5029-7 (sc)
ISBN: 978-1-5043-5031-0 (hc)
ISBN: 978-1-5043-5030-3 (e)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2016902254
Balboa Press rev. date: 3/2/2016
Contents
1 Saying Goodbye To My Mother
2 The Adjustment Period
3 The Seven Stages Of Grief
4 Write Your Emotions Out Of Your Head
5 Lonely In A Crowded Room
6 After Death There Is Growth
7 Saying Goodbye To My Father
8 Saying Goodbye To Myself
9 The After Shock
10 Guilt Is The Bad Cop
11 Sadness Is Like A Sickness
12 Denial And Acceptance
13 Anger Increases Our Strength
14 The Stress Bucket
15 The Three Ps
16 The Imagined Lemon
17 Moving Into Emotional Intelligence
18 The No/Yes Principle
19 The Onward Journey
Notes To Self
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
For Ram and Manju Paul
I thank you both from the bottom of my heart for being kind,
loving and supportive parents raising me to be
independently strong, self-sufficient and disciplined.
I love and miss you both and dedicate this book to you.
Thank you to my incredibly inspiring Hypnotherapy lecturer David Newton for training me in the wonderfully invaluable Solution Focused Model of Hypnotherapy that I use in my work and incorporate into my daily life.
Thank you Jackie Mendoza, my wonderful writing coach, you kept me firmly on the (often) difficult track, and helped me remain motivated and inspired enough to get all the way to the end.
Thank you Kate Ingarfield for your time and effort reading through the first draft carefully and giving me your detailed notes and helpful comments.
Thank you Sarah Steele, for your fantastic copy editing skills and being an invaluable text support service. I'm so sorry about all the annoying double spaces after every full stop!
Many thanks to my focus group for the feedback. (You know who you are)
Thank you to the very talented Vanessa Mendozzi for the brilliant cover design, you took my vision and effortlessly created a perfect cover for me.
Thank you to my very special and wonderful boys, Krishan and Jacob, for reminding me of my own important role as a mother, and for teaching me valuable lessons that only you, as my children can teach me. I am so very proud of you both, and love you from the bottom of my heart.
Finally... Toby ~ thank you for being my rock.
You are very special to me. I am so grateful for your presence in my life.
Thank you for believing in me, even when I don't. I am so lucky to have you, and I love you more and more with every single day that passes.
FOREWORD
This book, born out of death, is a compilation and collection of my life's musings. Within it I share the story of personal loss in my life and how I have moved towards a place of acceptance. It is by no means meant to be a bible for how to do things or how to process things, but it is my process, and maybe my way will inspire you to discover your own way. My hope for this book is to become a life and death support for you and it is my contribution to your healing from grief.
I hope by sharing my personal experiences within my own healing journey, you know you are not alone and feel comforted in your time of change and loss. I hope to make this book a metaphorical friend that you can pick up and put down at your pace. I hope you pick it up and flick through it when you need a shoulder to lean on, or a boost.
You will stumble upon the right section, paragraph or chapter and you will know that you are not alone. You are grieving. It's a natural process, like the tides that come in and out on the shore of the ocean of your consciousness. Some are high; some are low. It's about learning how to surf the waves of grief and not drown in the intense sorrow of loss.
1
SAYING GOODBYE TO MY MOTHER
The night-nurse gently shook me awake and softly said, 'It's time.' I nodded, slightly groggily, allowing the enormity of those two little words to sink in. I took a deep breath in and sat up, my eyes adjusting to the dimly lit room. The room was a familiar one: it was my mother's bedroom. The one she had slept in since I was five years old. She had slept alone for the past 15 years, my mum was widowed -- she had lost her husband, my darling dad, to cancer. I