Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dog’S Tales: Short Stories from Ireland a Children’S Book for Adults

© Copyright 2011 Frank Murney.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

Printed in the United States of America.

isbn:

978-1-4269-6136-6 (sc)

isbn: 978-1-4269-6353-7 (hc)

isbn: 978-1-4269-6352-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011905569

Trafford rev. 06/09/2011

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‘Book 1 of the Newry Tales Series’

Ten-year-old Red Morgan and Po Hillen are the best of friends growing up in Newry, Northern Ireland, in the late 1950s. It’s an adventurous time for these boys who always seem to be at the centre of a little mischief.

At school, they are part of a class known as 3C. They are generally unruly, argumentative, manipulative, conniving, and devious, or, in the terms of the modern educationalist, a challenge. But these 3C students face their own challenges every day. They have to devise strategies well in advance of their classes to outwit their weary teachers, plan little ways to annoy, cajole, divert, and dodge. Outside school, their lives reflect the poverty and innocence of the times where they have some unbelievable and hilarious situations with often intriguing and hair-raising outcomes.

Through the eyes of Red and Po, Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dog’s Tales takes a nostalgic journey through the streets, shops and cafés of Newry, a small picturesque town on the Irish border.

Dedicated to the memory of

Eileen and Vincie

Special Thanks to

Oliver Curran

Hazel Abdulla

Nancy Critchly

Sharon Oseas

For their generosity of time,

encouragement

and talent.

Characters

Due to the fact that the same characters appear in almost all the stories within, I hope it may be advantageous to describe them in advance rather than in each individual story.

Places

Due to the fact that many of the same places appear in almost all the stories within, I hope it may be advantageous to describe them in advance rather than in each individual story.

Newry Town Centre

1950

Contents

The Airfield

The School Play

The Nun’s Graveyard

A Day in the

Life of Class 3C

Lay Low

Strange Knickers

God is Love

The Canal Crossing

The Cup Match

Fright Night

The Confession

The Grave Question

Cowboys and Indians

Revenge

The Big Pike

The Dinger

The Dentist

Trees are for Monkeys

The Yacht

Swimming with the Fishes

Red the Hero

Paper Money

The High Mass Incident

The Wake

The Mystery Tour

The All Ireland Final

The Smugglers

Market Day

The Camping Trip

The Ghost

The Record Hop

God’s Pub

The Spud Pickers

The New Suit

Bird Catching

The Strawberry Fields

Bird Attack

The Pigeon Race

Revenge 2

The Great Cycle Marathon

The Airfield

1957

Red and Po finally reached their destination two miles south of Dundalk. They turned their bikes onto a lane on the left of the road and stopped.

Is this it? asked Po.

Yeah, I think so…see the wind sock? said Red, as he pointed to an orange hollow cloth tube fluttering in the wind at the top of a pole some one hundred and fifty yards away.

What’s a wind sock anyway?

Shows the pilots which way the wind is blowin’ when they are takin’ off and landin’…come on, said Red, pushing off on his bike.

They had arrived at Dundalk Airfield. This field was used by local light aircraft owners in the County Louth area. There was a small hanger which would have held three, possibly four planes, and a small wooden office which doubled as Air Traffic Control. It was Sunday and Red had decided he wanted to go to the airfield to watch the planes coming and going. They followed the lane until they reached a small car park. The place was deserted, no cars, no people, and just one small orange and white Cessna 150 parked outside the hanger.

Where’s all the planes? asked Po looking around.

How do I know?

Well, are we stayin’ here or what?

Don’t know, we’ll wait for a wee while to see if any come in, huh?

Suppose so.

They sat down on the grass, lit up two Woodbines and waited. After about an hour of inactivity at the airfield a mutual decision was made to go home.

Hang on a minute, I need a leak, said Po, heading over to a tree beside the wire fence that separated the lane from the car park and the airfield. Red got on his bike and was riding around in circles when he heard a loud scream. He skidded to a stop and looked in Po’s direction. Po was rolling on the grass beside the ditch moaning and holding his groin.

Red jumped off his bike and raced to his side.

What happened?

Po just groaned.

Po, what happened? said Red, his voice raised in concern that Po had seriously hurt himself. Po still didn’t answer, he just groaned. Red knelt down beside him.

Come on Po for Christ’s sake, what happened ta ya?

Ahaaa, I don’t know, pain in my bollocks, it’s very bad, moaned Po starting to kneel.

Did ya catch it on somethin’?

No.

Are ya sure?

Frig off.

Well, what the hell did ya do?

How the frig do I know, I just got this terrible pain in my thing. It went all through my body.

Po was now standing up.

Is it gone?

Yeah, suppose it is. Christ that was sore.

We’ll call into the hospital just in case.

I’m not goin’ ta any friggin’ hospital.

Are ya ok ta ride your bike?

Yeah, Jasus, never felt a pain like that before I can tell ya.

Ya need ta get that checked out, it might be serious ya know.

The boys got on their bikes and headed back up the airfield lane. When they reached the end, they stopped to wait for a break in the traffic to get across the main road. Po went on ahead of Red who was fixing the bag on the back of his bike. When Red looked up he noticed a red and white sign on the fence. It was partly covered by the hedge. He had to read it at least three times to be sure his eyes were not playing tricks on him. Po looked back but couldn’t see Red. He stopped, turned and went back toward the airfield lane. When he got there he found Red sitting in the ditch head in hands, laughing.

What?

Jasus Christ…I have met some ejits in my life, but you take the biscuit.

What, will ya tell me ya bastard?

Can ya not read, moron?

Read what?

Red launched into another burst of laughter and just pointed at the sign. Po read the sign, looked at Red, back at the sign, back at Red.

You mean that I… Po pointed at the sign.

Yeah, ya moron, did no one ever tell ya never to piss on an Electric Fence?

End

The School Play

1958

It was just past eleven that Thursday night in 1958, when the two shadowy figures stopped at a secluded part of the fence surrounding St. Joseph’s Intermediate School in Newry. Red gave Po a final push to help him over and watched as he disappeared into the darkness on the other side. The silence of the night was shattered by a loud crash followed by soft moaning.

Po? Red whispered through the fence, are ya ok?

The stream of obscenities coming from the other side assured Red that, if Po was not all right, at least his mouth was in perfect working order. He clambered over the fence with a little more ease than Po managed; perhaps this was, in part, due to the fact that Red was at least twelve inches taller and by far the more agile. He found Po nursing his leg.

What happened ta ya?

Nothin’, nothin’ a’tall…other than the fact that I nearly broke ma friggin’ neck… that’s all! snarled Po.

Then why are ya rubbin’ your leg?

You’re a real funny bastard; do ya know that, Morgan?

Red just grunted and moved off into the darkness.

Come on, he whispered over his shoulder.

Come on, come on, mimicked Po. I could be badly injured ya know.

Sympathy was in short supply…there was no response.

Red and Po made their way along the bushes to the school building keeping themselves hidden from the houses on the main road. A few moments later Red stopped under a small window.

Right, here we are.

Ya know somethin’, ya haven’t told me yet why the hell we’re here, said Po looking directly into Red’s face.

I’ll tell ya later.

Ya’ll tell me now, Morgan.

Red knew Po could dig his heels in when he wanted to, so the best thing to do was give him a little information…just enough to keep him happy.

Look, it’s like this, ya know that creep Fallon, the drama teacher? Well, as ya know, he’s not too fond of me. He’s insistin’ that I take part in the School Play, explained Red.

So?

So, all the costumes for the play arrived this afternoon. Now, if for some reason the costume that I’m supposed ta be wearin’ at tomorrow’s dress rehearsal is missin’… Red held out his hands inviting Po to finish the sentence.

Now I have ya, no costume, no Red in play, finished Po.

Po, sometimes I just can’t believe how friggin’ smart ya are.

Piss off.

Right, this is the window, said Red looking up at the aperture some five feet above the ground. I left it open this afternoon. Lemme give ya a lift," said Red without looking at Po.

Hold on a friggin’ minute, why can’t ya go in first?

Po, get a grip! Look at the size a me. There’s no way I could get though that window, said Red with all the sincerity he could muster.

So muggins here has ta go in…right?

Po, wait till I tell ya. You’re the best friend…

Red?

Yeah? answered Red sweetly.