Gloria
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About this ebook
GLORIA follow one woman's journey through the personal and intricate details of Alzheimer's Disease and the disparities it creates in her personality, family and social life. It also reveals her husband's plight as caregiver, his emotional turmoil and subsequent depression. It presents the desperate need for emotional support for caregivers through depictions of his mental anguish and serious contemplations, as recorded in his own words during their journey. His diary continues throughout their 15 years of mutual, often silent suffering. It shows Gloria's cognitive and physical abilities along with her emotional state and challenges to communicate with her soulmate as her human shell declines toward the inevitable failures of functionality. Bob remains strong by her side and even when she no longer recognizes him as her husband, she knows he is the person she can trust and feel comfortable with. From spouse to caregiver – the painful devotion allows Gloria to live with dignity into her last days.
GLORIA shows the in-depth stages of Alzheimer's Disease through a private and personal perspective. It portrays growth of patience through loss, and unconditional dedication and love.
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Gloria - Shannon Manery
Table of Contents
Author’s Note
Acknowledgements
Chapter 1
1957
Life Change
Chapter 2
1952
Five years earlier
Chapter 3
1956
Dating Years
Chapter 4
1956
Elopement
Chapter 5
1957
Hospital
Chapter 6
1957
Surgery
Chapter 7
1960
Bad News, Good News
Chapter 8
1967-1995
Life Happens
Chapter 9
1996
Mersea Park
Chapter 10
1997
Diagnosis
Chapter 11
1998
Denial
Chapter 12
1999
Sleepless Nights
Chapter 13
2000
Driver’s License
Chapter 14
2001
48 Hours
Chapter 15
2002
Lost
Chapter 16
2003
Insecurity
Chapter 17
2004
Fading Skills
Chapter 18
2005
School
Chapter 19
2006
Hard Decisions Made
Chapter 20
2007
Sundown
Chapter 21
2008
Contemplations
Chapter 22
2009
Anger
Chapter 23
2010
Communication
Chapter 24
2011
Freedom
Chapter 25
2011
Emilia
Epilogue
References
Copyrights
Some names and places have been changed to protect privacy. Events are true and based on the memory of the author, family members and Bob’s diary.
Author’s Note
Gloria was the type of person to never complain. I have no memory of her being ill other than a common cold. I’m sure she must have been, but trudged on for us. She suffered in silence. She always put others ahead of herself and took the back seat.
If I could turn back time, I would change my one regret and talk to her more about her Alzheimer’s. I wish we discussed it openly instead of pretending I didn’t notice her decline. I wish I didn’t cover for her to avoid embarrassing her but instead verbalized what I noticed and shared dialogue on how we both felt.
If I could only go back for one day……
I miss you, Mom.
This book is dedicated to my Dad, Bob, for not only showing the unconditional love for my Mom, but also for dedicating 15 years to writing diligently. Your writing, which started as a way to release and vent, became an honest depiction of the experience in such detail so other’s may understand the Alzheimer’s journey. You exposed your depression and anger along with Mom’s struggles, emotions and decline in hopes that others may learn and benefit from the realization of the support that caregivers and patients need, to cope with dignity.
Acknowledgements
To my Dad, Bob. You have opened your heart and soul to the world with the intention of giving back. Thank you for sharing your diary with me, and allowing yours and Mom’s story to be told. Your lives were an incredible love story that will assist many paths in the future. You are an incredible man.
To Ann Johnston, thank you for never giving up on the editing and running with it when I tired. Your constant reviews, ideas and encouragement helped me reach that distant end. I appreciate you beyond words.
Thank you Wendy Howlett, for the hours of editing and suggestions. Your time and dedication helped make this book what it is today.
Thank you Pria Nippak, for seeing the importance of this information getting into the public. Suggesting I publish my essay was the seed that needed to be planted and kept me going throughout this whole process.
Thank you Kenysha Manery, for your encouragement and suggestions. You picked the perfect title for the book and your suggestion of Gloria in her own cursive writing added that unique and exceptional touch.
Syerra Devolder, thank you for checking in until the end. You kept me accountable and on task. Your memories helped add those special moments.
To my Aunt Nancy, thank you for the clarifications about details and conversations over coffee. You are always the voice of reason, and were there through the good times and the bad. Your love for family shines constant through you.
Terri Coatsworth, your positive, upbeat excitement while proofreading made my days.
Author picture by Live Laugh Love Photography, Lauryn Bodde
Cover Design by LDMedia, Leesa St. Pierre
Chapter 1
1957
Life Change
"A journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step."
—Lao-tzu
It was Remembrance Day, November 11th, 1957. Twenty-one-year-old Gloria was driving while enjoying a day with her younger sister, Diana, and both were looking forward to the ice cream they were about to enjoy. Diana always ordered chocolate, while Gloria’s all-time favourite was strawberry.
So, Diana, is there going to be strawberry ice cream for dessert at the wedding?
Diana was preparing for her wedding to Dan, and Gloria was trying hard not to put in her two cents, in order to avoid the memories of her own wedding planning headaches and related stress that were still all too fresh in her mind. Driving along Highway #3 towards Wheatley, was a great time to hear how the wedding plans were going.
If there is going to be any ice cream at the wedding, it will be chocolate,
Diana laughed as she thought about her upcoming day. When we both have kids, I will buy strawberry ice cream for yours because they will probably be just as crazy about it as you!"
Gloria’s eyes sparkled at the mention of kids. She had always wanted a big family and dreamed of it daily.
I’m going to have 16 kids!
Gloria announced. Are you buying ice cream for all of them?
Diana’s eyes glanced in the side view mirror and a big smile came across her face as she saw a familiar vehicle directly behind them. Her fiancé, Dan, happened to be on his way to work with the hydro company in Wheatley and he recognized the girls in front of him. He felt a warm comfort that they were so close. They were best friends and always shared a special relationship.
Diana’s mind flashed to the future, and she began wondering how many kids they would have; how many boys, how many girls. Who would they look like? Would their house fit them all? Their wedding day would be beautiful and would be a start to such a…
Earth to Diana! Is that a no?
I’m sorry. I just spotted Dan behind us and I was just thinking...weddings, cakes, houses, kids. Life is really just beginning, isn’t it, Gloria? I mean, everything is going to be so different. It’s like starting a whole new life.
Diana sighed with content, as the sun shone through the window and warmed her even further.
Gloria reminisced, It’s a wonderful new chapter in life. It’s so exciting. I love the life Bob and I have. I can’t wait until I’m finally pregnant!! Really, what’s taking so long?
Maybe you’ll be an aunt before I am,
Diana teased.
At this rate, you may be right,
Gloria said as she shook her head. She desperately wanted her family to begin and didn’t know why it wasn’t happening yet.
It was such a gorgeous day for a scenic drive, with the unexpected warm temperatures for mid-November. There was plenty of sunshine lighting the few coloured leaves that were still on the trees. Mid-conversation with her sister, Gloria froze. Suddenly, she couldn’t feel any tension in the steering wheel. Confused and scared, she slid the steering wheel to the left and to the right with no response from the car, only defiance. The car edged its way toward the opposite lane. Panic set in. Her eyes bulged as she spotted the heavy line of oncoming traffic while scenarios flashed through her mind of what she could possibly do to avoid a seemingly, deadly crash. Millisecond, flashing scenarios of the innocent families traveling towards her filled her panicked mind. She then thought of her Bobby and their life together. Her foot hit the brake but the car veered directly into the opposite lane. She spun the wheel back to the right but still...there was no response. The car had an agenda of its own. She slammed on the brakes again in desperation and jerked the unresponsive wheel with her white-knuckled hands. The car skidded across the lane of the oncoming traffic. They were at fate’s mercy. Damn it!
she screamed. Hang on!
NOOOO!
Diana screeched as she realized Gloria had lost the battle with the wheel. She somehow, miraculously, kept it from spinning out of control even though the tie rod had let go. They both saw the hydro pole closing in fast and knew the impact was inevitable. Gloria held fast to the wheel in a useless attempt at control.
The sound of shattering glass was consumed by the sound of the scrunching metal as the car smashed into the pole, which snapped like a pretzel. The sizzling hydro lines dropped onto the now blood-filled car.
As the girls slowly opened their eyes, they could see the devastation, but couldn’t quite understand it. They looked at each other trying to attain some clarification of what just happened, not realizing an ounce of the severity. Diana tried to hide her fear as she saw the blood pouring from Gloria’s face and mouth. As she looked to the floor, the pool of blood grew under the metal from the door that was now pressing into Gloria’s legs. Luckily, neither of them thought to attempt an escape from under the claws of the downed power lines.
Glory! Glory, it’s ok, we’re alive,
Diana tried to pull her sister into the present. Let me clean up your face a bit,
she offered, as she wiped her bloody face with her sleeve. She instantly realized most of Gloria’s upper teeth were gone and saw some of them scattered in their surroundings. Her face must have hit the steering wheel. Gloria just stared at her as if in a daze. Diana looked down at the growing puddle of blood on the floor and knew something had to happen fast.
Glory! Glory, we’re going to be fine. Everything will be alright!
she yelled as she slapped her hands in her own, clapping, in an attempt to pull Gloria back into the present. She wasn’t sure what to do and it still hadn’t occurred to either of them to get out of the car.
A familiar face appeared at the shattered window and warned them not to touch anything in the car. Diana was so relieved to see Dan, who she just remembered had been fairly close behind them and saw everything happen in his own horror.
The lines are down on the car!
he said clearly. Don’t touch anything or you’ll be electrocuted! Are you both ok?
Diana nodded toward Gloria and shook her head, fearfully letting him know that Gloria needed immediate attention.
I think I’m ok,
she said.
He thought quickly. Don’t let her touch anything. I’ll be right back.
Dan ran back to his truck to get his work gloves, all the time worrying Gloria would touch the door in her state and electrocute herself before he could help. His job with the hydro company was about to save their lives. He came back and found the wires had welded themselves to the roof of the car and lid of the trunk and he carefully tore them off. Traffic was backing up as cars on both sides of the highway had stopped.
Dan pried open Gloria’s door so the paramedics could get to her quickly. Surely, he thought, someone has called an ambulance.
Gloria, just stay sitting here. The ambulance is on its way,
Dan said as he rested her back on her seat before he ran to the other side to pry open Diana’s door and pull her barely scratched body into his arms.
In a mental fog, Gloria looked at the open door and felt a sudden urge to get out. Her head seemed to be spinning as she pulled her legs from their tangled mess and stepped out onto the ground. She had no sense of the situation and could feel nothing. She walked, in shock, without the realization of a new limp, and without pain, onto the highway. She kept wondering why she had to keep taking a step down with every left step. A trail of blood followed her as the stopped cars watched in horror. She just wandered around the accident scene not knowing where she was or what to do.
Oh my God! Look at her foot!
was all she heard from an onlooker with her head out her car window. Gloria obeyed the stranger’s cry and looked down. What she saw caused instant and excruciating pain. At the bottom of her leg, blood was filtering onto the road. Behind a stub, was her foot, dragging by a bit of flesh and a tendon. Gloria dropped to the ground in agony and tears as Diana and Dan ran to her. A lady approached them quickly with reassuring confidence.
I’m a nurse,
she said, and I live right here. Bring her inside while we wait for the ambulance. I called them when I heard the crash! We’ve got to get this bleeding stopped. Sir, you saved their lives getting those wires off. Surely, you were sent by an angel.
Dan scooped Gloria up in his arms and carried her into the house. Diana held her breath as instinct had her carry her sister’s dangling foot while tears of pain poured down Gloria’s cheeks. Inside the house, the nurse tried her best to comfort Gloria and stop some of the bleeding with a tourniquet. It was hard to guess how much blood she had already lost.
The sound of the ambulance siren was the sweetest, most relieving sound that brought tears to everyone’s eyes. Dan ran outside to wave them in and within seconds, the gurney arrived. Gloria was weak as she faintly opened her heavy eyelids, wishing she could sleep and escape the throbbing pain. The paramedics worked quickly to prepare her for transportation to the hospital. Everyone was worried about the dangers of her losing so much blood.
Chapter 2
1952
Five years earlier
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
—Eleanor Roosevelt
It was summer time, 1952 and sixteen-year-old Gloria started her day as planned. As her weekend usual, Gloria gathered the neighbourhood children for a day of fun. She loved to keep them entertained and safe. They started arriving early, which only made her happier. She had chairs, boxes, blankets and rocks. Eight-year-old Tommy spaced the chairs while ten-year-old Kay gave directions. Move that chair closer…we’re going to need a big stick for the middle.
I’ll find one!
yelled Sally excitedly as she ran towards the distant tree line. Sally was the youngest of today’s group and wanted to prove she could make a valuable contribution to the fort.
How big of a stick do you think we need, Sally?
She spun around to see Gloria smiling and looking down at her from her five-foot eight-inch height. The tree line was a fair distance from the house and Gloria had secretly followed her. If Gloria was older, one could have mistaken Sally for her daughter. They both had a thin build with brown hair and blue, sparkling eyes.
I want one as big as a tree!
Sally’s eyes were beaming. Gloria laughed as she took her five-year-old hand and walked as Sally skipped beside her, looking for the perfect prop for the middle of their fort. They analyzed many fallen branches before Sally found the perfect five-foot branch. Gloria carried it while Sally skipped ahead, eager to show the others her prize prop. As they approached the property line, Gloria stopped. Here now, Sally. You take it to the others and show them what you found.
Sally looked at her with adoring appreciation and proudly dragged her find to the gang while Gloria disappeared in another direction.
Look what I found!
Sally was yelling to the others as she slowly inched her way towards them. Tommy ran over to help and together they placed it in the middle of his circle of chairs.
This stick is going to be perfect,
he told Sally as she beamed.
Gloria had slipped into the house and came out of the house carrying blankets with Kay and set them outside the circle. Nice branch!
she said as she winked at Sally. Why don’t you hold it up in the middle so we can start building the roof with these blankets?
While the building was in progress, Marc, Sophie and Teddy dropped their bikes and breathlessly ran into the back yard, ready for their Saturday with Gloria. It was the day they all looked forward to. The kids in the neighbourhood knew every Saturday, Gloria would have a day planned for them they would put in their memory banks forever. She was their idol. She wasn’t their babysitter; she wasn’t being paid. She did it out of sheer enjoyment and because she loved to see the kids safe and having fun.
The blankets and sheets cascaded from Sally’s branch to each chair. More were added to cover the legs of the chairs while Tommy and Sally secured them along the ground with rocks and stones. Kay cut the bottom out of a sizeable box and put it between two chairs and under the edge of the blankets to make a tunnel entrance. Sophie and Marc lined the flooring of their magnificent fort.
Teddy followed Gloria into the kitchen to make some juice. She watched through the window as Kay cut through a second box to make a second tunnel. Sally helped her put it in place and Marc and Sophie raced each other, crawling out of opposite sides and chasing each other around the outside of the fort.
Gloria laughed from the window. Everyone inside. We need help in here!
she called as they all ran to the back door. Gloria and Teddy were in the process of making lunch and cookies. All the fixings for the sandwiches and pickles were set out in the middle of the table. Ok, everyone pick a chair and start fixing!
Teddy stayed at Gloria’s side as he helped her place dollops of cookie dough onto the cookie sheet.
Mmmm look at all the chocolate chunks!
admired Teddy.
This one is extra,
Gloria winked at a wide-eyed Teddy as she handed him a big chocolate chunk.
The smell of cookies filled the air as Gloria opened the oven. Kay and Marc gathered up the sandwich platter and the pickles. They handed the cups and juice to Sally and Tommy and led the troop down the back stairs and out to the fort. Teddy stayed back in hopes of there being an extra cookie that maybe wouldn’t fit on the plate. He liked the way Gloria treated him like he was the most special boy on the block. Each of the children felt that way.
Let’s get out there before they eat all the sandwiches!
Gloria told Teddy as she lifted the last cookie off the baking tray. Hmmm, this one doesn’t seem to fit. You better eat it! Quickly though, before we get outside.
Teddy could barely chew for smiling!
Out in the fort, Gloria placed the hot cookies down and declared it backwards day. Cookies first!
she announced.
Chapter 3
1956
Dating Years
"Love isn’t something you find.
Love is something that finds you."
—Loretta Young
Gorgeous! Absolutely stunning!
Twenty-year-old Gloria gracefully whirled around and around in the mirror as her mother, Emilia, and her best friend, Barb, admired the beautiful, white dress. The long silk sleeves hugged Gloria’s arms while the neckline fell just slightly from the corners of her shoulders. The pearls and lace narrowed to her waist as the pinned, silk bodice hugged her before blossoming out as it gracefully fell over the layers of crinoline. Gloria felt like a princess as the sales lady brought her the most beautiful pair of white sandals with tiny pearls and white gems lining the edge. They glittered and glistened in the bright lights of the downtown bridal shop. They had a two-inch heel and fit like a glass slipper.
Bob’s jaw is going to hit the floor when he sees you gliding down the aisle in this!
Barb was bursting with excitement to be Gloria’s maid of honour. They had been friends since they were kids and Barb had been Gloria’s confidant the entire five years Gloria and Bob had been dating, and she was thrilled to finally see them tie the knot!
Emilia admired Gloria as she put her hands on her face. You look beautiful, my sweetheart. Your pretty blue eyes sparkle with the dress,
she whispered as she tilted her head up and stretched up on her toes to kiss Gloria’s forehead. Gloria twirled in the mirror again. Do you really think he’ll love it? It’s going to be such a special day. I want everything to be perfect.
Gloria stared at herself in the mirror as she remembered the five years of memories she and Bob had shared. She had only been 15 when they met and she smiled at the thought of him pulling up for their first date in that big, old pickup truck. It was October 19th, 1951. She had worn her favourite poodle skirt and had buffed her black and white saddle shoes. She wore a white blouse with a high lace collar and the perfect red ribbon around her ponytail. He had worn jeans and a red collared shirt over a white t-shirt. His dark, almost black, hair that was