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    Gagged and Bound 2: more puns, one-liners and dad jokes
    Gagged and Bound 2: more puns, one-liners and dad jokes
    Gagged and Bound 2: more puns, one-liners and dad jokes
    Ebook64 pages24 minutes

    Gagged and Bound 2: more puns, one-liners and dad jokes

    By Nick Jones

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    About this ebook

    Following the success of his first book, the Amazon bestseller Gagged and Bound, pun-loving gag writer and self-proclaimed “sit-down comedian” Nick Jones returns with another collection of original one-liners, puns and dad jokes engineered to make you chuckle. Packed with razor-sharp wordplay, downright silliness and hilarious illustrations by Tiffany Sheely, Gagged and Bound 2 is bound to make you laugh!

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherNick Jones
    Release dateJun 15, 2015
    Gagged and Bound 2: more puns, one-liners and dad jokes
    Author

    Nick Jones

    Nick Jones was born in Stratford-Upon-Avon, Warwickshire, and now lives in the Cotswolds, England. In a previous life, he ran his own media company and was a 2nd Dan black belt in Karate. These days he can be found in his writing room, working on his latest mind-bending ideas, surrounded by notes and scribbling on a large white board. He loves movies, kindness, gin, and vinyl.

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      Book preview

      Gagged and Bound 2 - Nick Jones

      GAGGED AND BOUND 2

      I’ve got a pair of trousers that were handed down to me by my father, and by his father before him, and by his father before him. I’m not going to pass them on to my son, though – they’re on their last legs now.

      Why did the CEO make his staff wear roller blades? He wanted the company to run smoothly.

      I cloned myself this morning and everything has gone wrong since. I guess I’m just having two of those days.

      How much marijuana did the town crier buy? Announce.

      In Texas, over 70% of people cheat on their partners, and 50% of them regret it. It’s a sorry state of affairs.

      I was in a clothes shop with my son, who needed some new shorts. He tried on some yellowy green ones and said, ‘Dad! Look at these! Don’t I look great?’ I said, ‘Son, don’t get khaki.’

      What did Pac-Man do after his successful ransom attempt? He gave up the ghost.

      I left a dark grey Post-it on the fridge for my wife with the words, ‘I’ve left you.’ On a lighter note, I wrote, ‘I’m only joking.’

      I just read a book of ‘A man goes into a bar’ gags. I didn’t find it funny at all – it was full of inn jokes.

      Why don’t attractive Spanish people use umbrellas? Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.

      My friend rushed up to me, shouting, ‘100 metres in 9.2 seconds! 100 metres in 9.2 seconds! 100 metres in 9.2 seconds!’ I said, ‘You sound like a broken record.’

      Bob: My son has just applied for a job at a leading food manufacturer.

      Barry: Unilever?

      Bob: No, he’s just finished his A-levels.

      My friend asked if I’d ever seen a Guy Pearce film. I said, ‘Yeah, my flatmate did it last night before he microwaved a ready meal.’

      I went into my accountant’s office today, only to discover that he’s not qualified. I was in unchartered territory.

      How does He-Man change his colour TV to black and white? By the power of greyscale.

      I once tied a mouse to a balloon full of helium and it flew off. Straight up.

      I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button last night. It was like watching paint get wet.

      For my stag do, my friends and I all played poker. The best man won.

      My mother-in-law kept moaning to me because she couldn’t email a large file, so I told her to zip it.

      What’s the wettest part of the alphabet? H to O.

      I just finished playing snakes and ladders. I was at the top of my game.

      Did you hear about the dyslexic swordsman? He was very good with his words.

      I got a job cleaning Big Ben. I have to work around the clock.

      My wife once put lipstick, eyeliner and blusher on me. I was made up.

      How to annoy PC World staff: spend hours on the internet on one of their computers, and when they ask you if you need assistance, say, ‘No, thanks. I’m just browsing.’

      I provide speech therapy for stammerers.

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