Unavailable
Unavailable
Unavailable
Ebook317 pages3 hours
Don't Lick the Minivan: And Other Things I Never Thought Id Say to My Kids
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
4/5
()
Currently unavailable
Currently unavailable
About this ebook
As a woman used to traveling and living the high life in Bangkok, Leanne Shirtliffe recognized the constant fodder for humor while pregnant with twins in Asia’s sin city. But in spite of deep-fried bug cuisine and nurses who cover newborn bassinets with plastic wrap, Shirtliffe manages to keep her babies alive for a year with help from a Coca-Cola deliveryman, several waitresses, and a bra factory. Then she and her husband return home to the isolation of North American suburbia.
In Don’t Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as:
The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied.
The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan’s paint with rocks.
The funeral she officiated for Stripper Barbie.”
The horror of glitter.
And much more!
Shirtliffe eventually realizes that even if she can’t teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she’s a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins’ therapy fund. And possibly her own. Shirtliffe’s memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.
In Don’t Lick the Minivan, Shirtliffe captures the bizarre aspects of parenting in her edgy, honest voice. She explores the hazards of everyday life with children such as:
The birthday party where neighborhood kids took home skin rashes from the second-hand face paint she applied.
The time she discovered her twins carving their names into her minivan’s paint with rocks.
The funeral she officiated for Stripper Barbie.”
The horror of glitter.
And much more!
Shirtliffe eventually realizes that even if she can’t teach her kids how to tie their shoelaces, she’s a good enough mom. At least good enough to start saving for her twins’ therapy fund. And possibly her own. Shirtliffe’s memoir might not replace a therapist, but it is a lot cheaper.
Unavailable
Read more from Leanne Shirtliffe
Don't Lick the Minivan: And Other Things I Never Thought I'd Say to My Kids Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Mommyfesto: We Solemnly Swear ($%*!) . . . Because We Have Kids: A Book about the Reality of Parenting Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Related to Don't Lick the Minivan
Related ebooks
Confessions of a Hot Mess Mom Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsBro Code for Parents: What to Expect When You're Awesome Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Finding the Magic in Mommyhood: How to Create the Illusion of Sanity amid Raging Hormones, Sleep Deprivation, and Diaper Rash Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsI Just Want to Be Perfect: I Just Want to Pee Alone, #4 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Hills I'll Probably Lie Down On: Crash Test Parents, #4 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIf These Walls Could Talk: Crash Test Parents, #5 Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsHow to Raise Your Parents: A Teen Girl's Survival Guide Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Welcome to the Funny Farm: The All-True Misadventures of a Woman on the Edge Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The Secret Life of a Doctor’S Wife Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsNot a Poster Child: Living Well with a Disability—A Memoir Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsLetters from Home: Adventures with Mad Mother, Lemonade Man and the Kid Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe 5 F-Bombs: And Our Attempts at Defusing Them Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsMommyhood: The Ugly Truth, Volume One Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Parent-Child Dance: Strategies and Techniques for Staying One Step Ahead Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsWords for My Children: Lessons and Observations on Life Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsEmbrace Unique: The Power of Hope, Humor and Love on the Spectrum Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsThe Motherhood Diaries Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Lemonade Stand Millionaire: A Parents' Guide to Encouraging the Entrepreneurial Spirit in Your Kids Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsDaddy Drinks: Six Dads Trying to Get It Right—While Getting It Hilariously Wrong Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsSh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Where's My Happy Ending?: Happily Ever After and How the Heck to Get There Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratingsIt's All About the Small Things: Why the Ordinary Moments Matter Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Naptime Is the New Happy Hour: And Other Ways Toddlers Turn Your Life Upside Down Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Potty Training Sucks: What to Do When Diapers Make You Miserable Rating: 0 out of 5 stars0 ratings
Relationships For You
All About Love: New Visions Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex: Creating a Marriage That's Both Holy and Hot Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Big Book of 30-Day Challenges: 60 Habit-Forming Programs to Live an Infinitely Better Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I'm Glad My Mom Died Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A Child Called It: One Child's Courage to Survive Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Boundaries with Kids: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Children Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Dumbing Us Down - 25th Anniversary Edition: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: The Narcissism Series, #1 Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Codependence and the Power of Detachment: How to Set Boundaries and Make Your Life Your Own Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Your Brain's Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5ADHD: A Hunter in a Farmer's World Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Becoming Sister Wives: The Story of an Unconventional Marriage Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The Art of Loving Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: the heartfelt, funny memoir by a New York Times bestselling therapist Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5
Reviews for Don't Lick the Minivan
Rating: 4.0000025 out of 5 stars
4/5
4 ratings1 review
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A truly beautiful mix of laughter and love This is the kind of parent I want to hang with. She obviously loves her children beyond reason, but is frank about how hard and boring it is at times. Even the more Sappy (her word, not mine) passages are fabulous. Real, sweet, yet never ever what I would consider sappy Yup this one made the JR Staff Pick - it is my duty to help out those new parents who want to buy What to Expect When You're Expecting - and get them to buy something more practical (trust me just get those parenting books that help you with the medical stuff and than just buy parenting books like this that make you laugh - that will help you more. Trust your instincts people, love your child and believe in yourself - that makes all the difference) Oh yeah and don't do everything for them, they need to learn to do things themselves (When I worked in a college library I saw what happens when mom and dad did everything for them -- they have no idea how to survive) She understands what its like to be a parent after "working for a living" Impressed with the fact that she breastfed even though she had Mastitis - I totally feel like a wimp now LOL! Loved all her stories about living in Thailand Really respected her decision to mention she had postpartum depression but doesn't go into detail. As some of you know I suffered the same fate and don't want to burden or remember that horrible darkness but I too am not ashamed Halloween Candy - yup we are simpatico on this one and the Santa Clause as discipline routine Makes you feel like you are not alone - and if you are a parent, you know how important this isThe Not So Good Stuff She made me snort with laughter on Calgary Transit and people stared (Yup not in TTC territory anymore where people are used to weirdos laughing out loud in public and they don't stare at youFavorite Quotes/Passages" Parenting Tip: Keep your household well stocked with these items essential to newborns: diapers, wipes, alcohol, alcohol, and alcohol""Being parents, we boarded early so we could keep our babies cooped up in an enclosed space even longer. As we sat on the tarmac, we watched innocent passengers struggle down the aisle to our row, recheck their boarding passes in disbelief, and wonder what they did to get such bad karma.""Parenting Tip: When you ask your children a question, the reply "nothing" means they're guilty. Either investigate or hide.""I smiled, wondering how many times Canada's Prime Minister had been compared to a Ken doll."Who Should/Shouldn't Read Fans of Kathy Buckworth will eat this up Every parent or expectant parent should read this - this is real folks, not those holier than thou textbook parenting books that make you feel like you are the worst parent in the world (BTW that I also totally threw out 6 months into my first child's life)4.75 Dewey'sI purchased a copy of this because I met the author and after talking to her figured anything she wrote would appeal to me - yup right again