Louder than Words

Prologue

Joel

That guy’s been staring at us all night.

Joel noted the uneasiness in Eric’s voice, but didn’t lift his gaze as he cut off another piece of steak. This was supposed to be their night. The box tucked in Joel’s back pocket threatened to burn a hole right through the material, begging to be opened. If there was anything for Joel to be nervous about, it was that. Not the man sitting two tables over who was so insecure about his life he had to eavesdrop on theirs.

Joel arced his thumb over the back of Eric’s hand, but couldn’t help the ball of nerves tightening in his stomach.

Can we leave now?

Joel released a heavy sigh that was equal parts disappointment and resignation. Sure. Let me get the check. You can always propose later.

It had taken him weeks to work up the nerve to go out tonight and would probably take a month to do it again.

Still, the worry lines on Eric’s face were reason enough to wrap up what they were doing here and to head home.

By the time they got outside, Eric was power-walking to the car. Joel wasn’t far behind him, but even as he picked up the pace, the gravel behind him shifted. Icy panic coiled at the base of his spine, urging him to get as far away from his pursuer as possible. Taking out his phone, Joel hit one of the emergency numbers from the list.

With the phone already dialing whatever number he’d managed to pick out, he turned on his heels and had just enough time to get his arms out in front of him before the man’s fist hit him in the gut. Joel dropped his phone on the pavement and doubled over, gasping for breath as Eric looked on.

Another punch, this time to the side of Joel’s ribs. He growled around the pain and braced himself.

When the man’s fist came down again, it was to the back of his head. Joel lost his footing and collapsed to the ground, blinking at the spots around his vision.

Someone said his name, their voice was muffled. He focused on it as he did whatever he could to remain conscious, but even as Eric came into view, darkness stole him away.

Chapter One

Nick

Nick was only half-listening as Kim drawled on about the latest drama between her friends, her father’s invitation to take him out fishing, and their upcoming anniversary. He tried to look interested, he really did, but he’d heard it all before. And whenever he tried to make a comment, Kim went on about something else. It was exhausting and, if he was being completely honest with himself, he was itching for an out.

He nodded again as she asked him something she didn’t expect him to answer, then he glanced down at his phone. Nothing. No missed calls. No text messages.

Nick sighed and hoped Kim didn’t notice. The longstanding arrangement he’d made with his best bud Joel was to call him if he didn’t send a text after two hours. They were now nearing the three-hour mark and Joel still hadn’t called. To say Nick was concerned was an understatement. The call wasn’t just for his benefit, either. Sure, it gave him an out if a date went sideways—as it usually did—but the reason they made the arrangement in the first place was so Nick could keep Joel from having another panic attack. Keep him grounded in the present.

Three hours not hearing from Joel was too long.

Are you even listening to me? Kim’s voice grabbed the attention of Nick and everyone else within hearing distance.

Yes. Sort of. Nick considered apologizing, but Kim knew about Joel. She knew how close he and Nick were. How badly Joel’s life had been messed up since he was beaten up close to a year ago. I’m sorry. It’s just... he hasn’t called.

You ever think for a minute that may be a good thing? Her voice was bitter.

Not with Joel, no. Nick had had more than enough scares when it came to his best friend.

The worst one had happened shortly after Joel moved in. He’d been so beside himself with grief that he’d actually locked himself away in the hall closet. It took Nick an hour to coax him out, and another to calm him down enough to talk without tensing up or looking at Nick as though he were a threat.

He isn’t a kid, Nick. Stop coddling him.

You wouldn’t say that if you knew him before all this crap went down.

"Look, it sucks what he went through. I get it, but what if he never gets better? What about your life? Have you ever thought of that? She glared at him, arms crossed over her chest. I’ve tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but if you can’t take us seriously, then I don’t know why you’re even here."

Neither do I. What do you want me to say?

Break things off if you can’t put us first, stop thinking so much about Joel, or admit you have feelings for him. Just don’t string me along. Kim spoke before Nick had a chance to reply. At first I thought this whole protector thing was a phase. That I just had to keep your attention long enough. But ever since our first date, you haven’t been invested. And when you talk, it’s always Joel, Joel, Joel.

Well, if you’d actually let me talk sometimes, maybe I’d have more to say. I just wish that— Nick cut himself off when his phone chirped, lighting up the screen a moment later.

Don’t you dare look at your phone. He can wait.

Nick fought the nausea down in the back of his throat.

Come home. Please. I need you.

Shit. I have to go. Nick pushed out of his seat, grabbed his coat, then leaned in to kiss Kim on the cheek. She shrunk away and didn’t meet his gaze. Look, we can discuss this later, but he really needs me—

Like all those other times, right? Kim shoved out her chair, nearly knocking it over. Forget it. You’ve clearly made your choice.

It’s not like that. Nick pulled on his coat, reading over the message again. The nerves in his stomach wound a little tighter. You don’t understand.

I understand plenty. Go ahead and leave, but don’t expect an answer when you call me back.

Whatever. Nick didn’t have time for this. Not when Joel needed him. Not when he was on the edge of a mental break. And, given the text he’d sent, this one was going to get bad fast.

After throwing a handful of twenty-dollar bills on the table, Nick walked out. He considered texting Joel, but knew talking to him would do a lot more for his nerves than anything else. His hands shook as he picked Joel’s name from his contacts list, heart pounding in his chest as it rang once. Twice. Three times.

Nick? Joel’s voice was quiet, almost as though he didn’t want someone to overhear.

You okay? What’s going on? Nick quickened his pace as soon as he was outside the restaurant, making a beeline for his car.

You sound angry.

No, no. I’m worried. Talk to me. Nick fumbled with his keys, dropping them on the pavement. Shit.

Sorry, Joel said.

No, not you. Dropped my keys. Nick fished them off the ground and got into his car, putting his cell on speaker as he did. Look, I’m about ten minutes from the house. Will you be okay, or should I call Mrs. Martelli? Their neighbor down the hall would be able to get to Joel a lot faster than he could. Joel, should I call her?

No. Just... get home, okay?

I’m on my way.

Nick took a deep breath once Joel hung up. Joel was quite the talker on his best days, and barely spoke a peep on his dark ones. The bits of conversation he’d offered didn’t make Nick feel any better. Usually just calling him was enough to get Joel talking and focused on other things. Only now, Joel sounded more unnerved than anything else. That makes two of us.

Nick shifted the car into gear and white-knuckled the steering wheel. He knew better than to speed or go through the yellow lights in their small town, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to use whatever back roads he could. Please let him be okay when I get there.

––––––––

Nick reached their apartment complex in record time, even though the entire drive over felt like an eternity. Climbing up the stairwell two steps at a time, Nick found the apartment key on his key ring, then jammed it into the knob, throwing open the door just as soon as he was able to do so. He made sure it was locked out of habit, then headed for the living room where a very pale Joel sat on