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    God's Country 5: God's Country, #5
    God's Country 5: God's Country, #5
    God's Country 5: God's Country, #5
    Ebook263 pages3 hours

    God's Country 5: God's Country, #5

    By charles fisher

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    About this ebook

    Becky, Carrie, Lenny and the gang team up to take on the United States government, which is determined to exterminate the Indian tribes in the west. Jake blows up the War Department building and another very critical installation near the White House.

    LanguageEnglish
    Publishercharles fisher
    Release dateAug 9, 2017
    ISBN9781386552512
    God's Country 5: God's Country, #5

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      God's Country 5 - charles fisher

      Table of Contents

      God’s Country 5 | The  Legend of Carrie Camden | April Love

      The End | Carrie and the girls will return in The Shining Mountains 13; Barrett’s Angels

      God’s Country 5

      The  Legend of Carrie Camden

      April Love

      Barrett Trading Post

      Flathead Country

      March, 1838

      ––––––––

      You have problem with this man? Snow Star said. Father of Benny.

      You could say that, Carrie said. He’s a piece of shit. You need to know more?

      No need, Snow Star said. You my sister. Benny, too. I believe you. I take Poopy Butt and find this man, fix this problem.

      I no have this! Moon Cloud yelled. Why you always say this, Pawnee asshole?

      Because is true, Snow Star said. Flathead girls do laundry, make sick. Piegan dummy shit in pants, and in bed.

      You die soon, Moon Cloud nodded. I no take this shit from you.

      You take, Snow Star said. Or you get ass beating. Find clean underwear. We go St. Louis. Have fun, kill father Benny.

      More killing, Gwen sighed as she picked at her pancakes. Just another day at Barky’s slaughterhouse.

      You want to be next? Becky said as she bit off a huge chunk of her bacon sandwich. Bloof.

      Bloof? Gwen smirked. Didn’t anybody ever tell you it’s not polite to talk with your mouth full?

      Shub it, Becky mumbled, giving Gwen the finger. She washed the sandwich down with Sherry and let out a roaring belch. Excuse me. How’s that for manners, you dried up old skunk?

      About what I would expect from a short, fat drunken midget, Gwen smiled.

      I’m not short! Becky yelled.

      Yes you are, Gwen said. You need a step ladder to get into your chair. Snow Star’s dog is taller than you.

      And smarter, Jake muttered.

      Shut up, Stanton, Becky said. What is this, pick on Becky day? Are you going with the murder squad, Carrie?

      No, I better stay here. I have that lawsuit against the government coming up next month. I need to do some research. I just got a message at the law office. Wilson Tenny is coming in to defend the government.

      Tenney, Becky sighed. Lenny, Benny, now Tenney. You have to stop doing this to me.

      He’s not going to fucking live here, Lenny snapped. Cripes, sober up, will you?

      Why? Becky said as she filled her Sherry glass. Then I can actually see Gwen, which would do more damage than drinking.

      As if you’ll ever find out, Gwen said. Rotten, stunted  little sot that you are.

      What the hell is a sot? Becky said.

      A habitual drunkard, Gwen said.

      You’re lucky I can't understand half the words you come up with, or you’d be in big trouble, Becky said.

      "Blotto and stupid, Gwen sighed. What a charming combination. No wonder you don’t have a man."

      I have one, Becky giggled. He’s in the cold box in Aaron’s meat house. When you freeze them, their thing gets really..... what? Again I get the look? You’d like it too, if you tried it. I know, I’ll help Carrie with her case. I’m smart.

      You’re an undereducated idiot with chubby thighs, Gwen said. You wouldn’t do well in court; you wouldn’t clear the rail, and the judge wouldn’t be able to see you.

      I’ll stand on a chair, then. I’m taller than Carrie, Becky huffed.

      Only when Carrie is sitting down.

      I just look short because Stanton always sits next to me, because he wants to bask in my beauty.

      He sits next to you for the same reason the dog does; to get the crumbs that fall off your blouse and the occasional piece of bacon, Gwen said. That’s the only way anybody around here has a chance to get anything to eat.

      Liar, Becky said. He can’t resist me. Where are my sweet rolls?

      On big ass, Snow Star giggled. Moon Cloud started making grunting noises.

      I thought you two assholes were going to St. Louis to kill somebody, Becky said. And where is Right Hand? He’s the only one around  here who appreciates my stunning beauty and fabulous intellect.

      That be because he’s older than the Wind River Range and can’t see no more, Jake said. He be soft in the head.

      "Better than where you’re soft," Becky muttered.

      Care to find out? Jake grinned. Lose thirty pounds and I’ll take good care of you.

      Why, you giant  bastard! Becky laughed. How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not fat?

      Until you ain’t fat no more, Jake said.

      Ain’t no man wants no sweaty fat bastard with sweet roll crumbs in her cootchie, Carrie drawled as she cut off a hunk of twist and stuck it in her cheek. You all.

      Where’s the last man you had, lawyer girl? Becky laughed.

      Killed hisself, Carrie said. Knew he couldn’t never get another woman as good as me, so he jumped out the window.

      You’re insane, Lenny laughed. You have these hallucinations often? Look at you. A wild haired tomato head with a chaw habit and crotch itch.

      Them be law cooties, Carrie said as she dug at her groin. You ain’t got them yet?

      No, I don’t. I don’t cavort with bums in the street like you do, Arkie.

      Now you is on the fightin’ side of me, Carrie nodded. I ain’t no Arkie.

      Prove it, counselor, Lenny said. Produce a birth certificate.

      Yeah, Mary, get it up, Becky slurred. Where’s your pedigree?

      Don’t got one, Carrie said. I be an orphan.

      You’re an Arkie, Lenny nodded. I can tell. You have that inbred look and the blank stare. I bet I can go to Arkansas and find some records of some Irish loser giving birth to a carrot head asshole as a result of being impregnated by her brother.

      You lose, Carrie grinned. Ain’t no records in Arkansas. Arkies can’t read or write. She leaned over and spat a stream of tobacco juice onto Lenny’s new shoes. There ya go, ya fuckin’ yaller head Eye-talian Yale dummy, do somethin’ about it.

      Lenny leaned back in her chair and appraised Carrie. Really? she said. You want a piece of me?

      Might as well, Carrie grinned. I hear tell everybody in them orphanages had a piece of you. Boys had to take a number and stand in line with their fifty cents. You all.

      I knew this day would come, Lenny sighed as she stood up. Might as well get it over with now, so you have time to heal up before your case starts.

      Dang, girl, you done called me out? Carrie said.

      Let’s go, big mouth, Lenny said, pointing at the door. Come see what an Eye-talian can do. Lenny looked at Jake. Get ready to patch her up, she said.

      Sloobo, Jake gurgled as he raised his glass.

      You stupid, Lenny, Moon Cloud giggled. "This girl do something bad to you. She Irikuts. Devil girl."

      Fuck her, Lenny snarled as she beckoned to Carrie. She thinks who she is. Big mouth, lots of bragging. She can kiss my ass.

      Dang, Carrie sighed. Assicus Kissicus. That be Latin for ass beating, you all. I reckon I done got me a challenge.

      That’s right, Red, Lenny said. Let’s go. Face your fate.

      I done heard this afore, Carrie said. Call Purcell. Order one coffin, she said to Becky. Size small. I be right back, she said as she stretched and headed outside. Less go, girl, time to go to school.

      She’s a dead girl, Becky said as the pair headed outside.

      Nobody beat Carrie, Moon Cloud said.

      I beat, Snow Star huffed.

      When? Becky laughed.

      Next time, Snow Star giggled. Lenny get big time ass beating now.

      Nobody could have predicted the screaming, yelling, slapping, and thudding that ensued. Lenny yelled every obscenity ever devised by man.

      Damn, Jake said as he listened. Kin you do that? That won’t fit in there. I be a doctor, and I ain’t never heard of that one.

      Come in the back and I’ll show you, Becky said. She looked around as everybody stared at her. I was kidding, she said quickly, flipping her hair. I never did that.

      Not for less than fifty dollars, Gwen said.

      Can you get that much for that? Becky said eagerly.

      Suddenly, everything outside got quiet.

      She killed her, Becky gurgled.

      Carrie came in, not a scratch on her. She sat down and poured herself some corn liquor.

      Where be Lenny? Jake said.

      She be around, Carrie shrugged.

      "Help me," they suddenly heard in a whispered echoing tone.

      Where that be? Jake said, looking around.

      Danged if I know, Carrie said as she tossed off her drink and filled her cup again.

      The cry came again, and a clump of soot fell down into the fireplace from above.

      You didn’t, Becky said. She got up and went over to the fireplace. She peered up inside and started laughing. Lenny’s soot stained face was looking back at her.

      That be Santa Claus, Carrie said as she stuffed fresh twist into her cheek. He be a mite late, I reckon.

      How the hell did you get her in the chimney? Becky exclaimed.

      Weren’t easy, Carrie drawled. Fat little bastard just about fit.

      Upside down in a damn chimney, Becky sighed. All right, go get her out. We have to light that fireplace, you know.

      Go ahead, Carrie said. We kin have smoked Eye-talian fer dinner.

      I said get her out, Becky said. Unless you want to join her.

      Can’t have no damn fun around here, Carrie said as she got up and grabbed a rope. Ten minutes later, Lenny came in covered in soot  from head to toe, and glared at Becky.

      You gonna let her get away with that? she exclaimed. Look at me. What are you going to do about this?

      You know where the wash house is, Becky yawned. That’ll teach you to run your big mouth. Now get the hell out of here and clean up. And burn that dress, nobody can clean it.

      Yeah, you all, Carrie drawled. Go wash yer hind end. And where be yer elves? I didn’t get no present.

      Lenny gave her the finger and stormed off to the wash house.

      You have some imagination, Becky said. Doing that to her.

      I did that to a kid in an orphanage, Carrie shrugged. He’s probably  still there, too.

      They didn’t find him?

      Didn’t  look for him. He wasn’t all that popular. It was an old fireplace they never used.

      Another notch in the belt of Barky’s Brigade of Brutal Brigands, Gwen said.

      You should be a poet, Becky said. What rhymes with shit head?

      Becky Barrett.

      Lenny came back a while later in a fresh dress. She got a beer from the bar and sat down. She gave Carrie a dirty look.

      Don’t be bad eyeing me, squirt, Carrie said. We got more chimneys.

      Just then, a trapper rode up and tied off his horse. He was barely as tall as Lenny.

      There you go, Barky, you stunted little dwarf, Gwen giggled. Your dream man has arrived.

      Right Hand came in from the back and sat down. Good Gawd, he guffawed when he saw the little man. That be Big Wheezer Mc Dougal.

      Please tell me you didn’t say that, Becky sighed. I can’t take any more of these names you men think up for each other. His name is actually Big Wheezer?

      Yup, and he earned it, too, Right Hand said.

      Barky is praying it’s not because he has a respiratory problem, Gwen smirked.

      Mc Dougal came in and tipped his hat at the group. Right Hand. Doc. Ladies.

      Big Wheezer, Right Hand said, trying not to laugh. 

      Mc Dougal got a drink at the bar and came over. He sat down next to Becky. Who be this Cutie? he said.

      Where you been, Mc Dougal? Jake said. This be Becky Barrett. She owns the post.

      Oh. I ain’t been here in a coon’s age. Choteau were here last time I was here. I been in Canada a long time.

      How long is it I mean has it been? Becky said.

      Oh, seven or eight years. Choteau retire?

      You could say that, Becky said. It would be horse shit, but you could say it.

      I ain’t heard nothing about the Choteaus, not here or in Canada. I figured they cashed in and took off for Paree.

      They cashed in all right, Becky said. Both of them. How’s the fur trapping business?

      Dead, Mc Dougal said. Be a thing of the past. They got all them new fangled types of cloth they use. Fur be for decoration on rich folks’ clothes now. I ain’t doin ’it no more, he said sadly. I intend to go back east and start me a farm. I’ll finish out my days in St. Loo.

      I have several businesses in St. Loo, Becky said, eyeing Mc Dougal up and down. It’s....hard at times for a woman. Just like things must be hard for you at times. Gee, it’s hot in here, isn’t it?" She looked up and ran her hand through her hair. She then unbuttoned the top of her blouse, smiled at Mc Dougal, and batted her eyes.

      Jesus, Lenny laughed. Why don’t you just lay down on the floor and quote him a price?

      Shut up, chimney sweep, Becky snapped. Nobody was talking to you.

      She was going to show him her breasts, Gwen smirked. Too bad she doesn’t have any.

      You shut up too, you old crow. Mind your own business. Mr. Wheezer and I were having a nice cock I mean talk about fur trading. I have some fur he might be interested in.

      Only on your manly back, Gwen snickered.

      Go put on a dress, Jake gurgled, raising his cup. Then you kin show him them short little legs you got.

      I see where this is going, Becky nodded. Every time a new man comes here and is dazzled by my spectacular Cleopatra-like beauty, you people get jealous and start this crap. Well, it won’t work.

      What you think, Mc Dougal? Jake said. You fancy this loud mouthed chicken titty midget?

      Well, she must have money, Mc Dougal said. There is something to be said for that.

      What the hell is that supposed to mean? Becky laughed. When is the last time you saw a twenty year old girl as beautiful as me?

      Twenty? Lenny giggled. Your underwear is older than that. Who are you kidding? You look like you’re forty if you’re a day.

      I am not! Becky yelled as she quickly buttoned her shirt.

      Button up and cover them wrinkles, Jake grinned. Lookit the little troll, he said. Her damn feet don’t even reach the floor.

      They’ll reach your ass, you big goofy looking creep, Becky snapped.

      You folks do this all the time? Mc Dougal said. I thought us mountain people was supposed to get along. You all fight like the Crow and the Sioux.

      It’s his fault, Becky said, pointing at Jake. Always insulting me. All he’s interested in is getting my goat.

      Rather have a damn goat than you, Jake muttered. Things got better legs, and the chin whiskers be about the same. And you can cook ‘em fer supper when you be done with ‘em.

      Oh, you’re going to get yours, Becky nodded. Your problem is that you don’t recognize true quality when you see it. All you’re used to is dead girls and prostitutes.

      Ain’t no problem with havin’ at a stiff one, Mc Dougal shrugged.

      Not another one, Becky said. Is there anybody out here who hasn’t done it with a dead girl?

      Ain’t asked. Ain’t no reason to. That be like askin’ if a man  had dinner lately.

      You been had good again, girly! Starnes cackled. We got us a sayin’ hereabouts for live ones. Close yer yap and open yer legs! Then when the  man be done, git your ass in the kitchen. He looked at Becky, tears streaming down his face from mirth.

      You are so full of shit, Becky laughed. "I bet the only two words you ever said to a woman are yes Ma’am."

      Only if she asked me if I were ready for another round! Starnes hooted, slapping his leg. How about you, Cutie? You look like a filly in heat what ain’t found no stud.

      Maybe I have, Becky smirked, looking at Mc Dougal. What do you say, Wheezer the Teaser? You want to climb Becky Ridge?

      Them ain’t mountains, Jake mumbled. Them ain’t even foothills.

      Shut up, Stanton. Nobody asked for your opinion.

      I kallate I’ll pass, Mc Dougal said. Ain’t proper to  be foolin’ about with no post owner.

      Try his horse, Shorty, Lenny smirked at Becky as she sipped her beer. The face and the smell are about the same as yours.

      Yeah, Carrie drawled as she adjusted her beaver skin hat and spat a stream onto the floor. You kin play ride ‘em cowboy. Horse got a wanger like a fence post. Ought to be a good fit; you might even feel somethin’, you all.

      Screw all of you, Becky snapped. The man is obviously deranged if he doesn’t want me. He must be poofy, she said haughtily.

      I could take a turn with that ‘un, Mc Dougal said, pointing at Carrie. I like gals with red hair.

      See that, tomato head? Lenny giggled. You finally got a chance to pop your cherry. Better take it, another one might not come along for twenty years.

      Well dang, you all, Carrie drawled. "Let’s see what you be packing there, Big Wheezer. I might just take you up on that there offer. You best be able to do the doggie all night long, otherwise you ain’t gonna live to see the sun come up. I be a gen-yoo-wine wild woman. Tear your old ass up."

      You be crazy, Starnes huffed. Ain’t no man kin last more’n five minutes and stay awake.

      Five minutes? Lenny laughed. I can get a better thrill out of a rolling pin, and I don’t have to kiss it goodnight.

      Best use two of ‘em  if you’re gonna try to fill that big damn hole, Carrie said.

      Shut up, dummy, Lenny snapped. At least mine isn’t listed on geological surveys as a deep mine.

      Ain’t no gold in it, neither, Carrie grinned. Cooties maybe, and worms.

      Good Gawd, Jake gagged. I heard enough. I got to go feed the horses.

      Some doctor, Lenny called out. Afraid of pussy worms.

      We had us a gal in the orphanage one time, Carrie mused. "We

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