A Chaste Maid in Cheapside
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A Chaste Maid in Cheapside - Thomas Middleton
A CHASTE MAID IN CHEAPSIDE
BY THOMAS MIDDLETON
A Digireads.com Book
Digireads.com Publishing
Print ISBN 13: 978-1-4209-4539-3
Ebook ISBN 13: 978-1-4209-4580-5
This edition copyright © 2012
Please visit www.digireads.com
CONTENTS
THE CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY
ACT I. Scene ii.
ACT II. Scene i.
ACT II. Scene ii.
ACT II, Scene iii.
ACT II. Scene iv.
ACT III. Scene i.
ACT III. Scene ii.
ACT III. Scene iii.
ACT IV. Scene i.
ACT IV. Scene ii.
ACT IV. Scene iii.
ACT IV. Scene iv.
ACT V. Scene i.
ACT V. Scene ii.
ACT V. Scene iii.
ACT V. Scene iv
THE CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY
Mr. YELLOWHAMMER, a goldsmith
MAUDLINE, his wife
TIM, their son (A Cambridge student)
MOLL, their daughter
TUTOR to Tim
SIR WALTER Whorehound, a suitor to Moll
SIR OLIVER Kix, and his wife LADY KIX, kin to Sir Walter
Mr. [John] ALLWIT, and his wife MISTRESS ALLWIT, whom Sir Walter keeps
A WELSH GENTLEWOMAN, Sir Walter's whore
WAT and NICK, his bastards [by Mistress Allwit]
DAVY Dahumma, his man
TOUCHWOOD SENIOR, and his wife [MISTRESS TOUCHWOOD], a decayed gentleman
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR, another suitor to Moll
TWO PROMOTERS
SERVANTS [three of Allwit's, three of Sir Oliver's]
[Three or four] WATERMEN
[Sims, a PORTER]
[A GENTLEMAN]
[A WENCH with Touchwood Senior's bastard]
[Jugg, Lady Kix's MAID]
[A DRY NURSE]
[A WET NURSE]
[A MAN with a basket]
[A SECOND MAN with a basket]
[TWO PURITANS, the first named Mistress Underman]
[FIVE GOSSIPS]
[A MIDWIFE]
[A PARSON]
[A third NURSE]
[SUSAN, Moll's maid]
ACT I. Scene i.
Scene. A street in front of Yellowhammer's shop.
[Enter Maudline and Moll, a shop being discovered.]
MAUDLINE. Have you played over all your old lessons o' the virginals?
MOLL. Yes.
MAUDLINE. Yes, you are a dull maid alate, methinks
You had need have somewhat to quicken
Your green sickness; do you weep? A husband.
Had not such a piece of flesh been ordained,
What had us wives been good for? To make salads,
Or else cried up and down for samphire.
To see the difference of these seasons!
When I was of your youth, I was lightsome,
And quick, two years before I was married.
You fit for a knight's bed—
Drowsy-browed, dull-eyed, drossy-spirited!
I hold my life you have forgot your dancing:
When was the dancer with you?
MOLL. The last week.
MAUDLINE. Last week?
When I was of your bord, he missed me not a night,
I was kept at it; I took delight to learn,
And he to teach me, pretty brown gentleman,
He took pleasure in my company;
But you are dull, nothing comes nimbly from you,
You dance like a plumber's daughter, and deserve
Two thousand pounds in lead to your marriage,
And not in goldsmith's ware.
[Enter Yellowhammer.]
YELLOWHAMMER. Now what's the din
Betwixt mother and daughter, ha?
MAUDLINE. Faith, small,
Telling your daughter Mary of her errors.
YELLOWHAMMER. Errors! Nay, the city cannot hold you, wife,
But you must needs fetch words from Westminster;
I ha' done, i'faith.
Has no attorney's clerk been here alate
And changed his half-crown-piece his mother sent him,
Or rather cozened you with a gilded twopence,
To bring the word in fashion for her faults
Or cracks in duty and obedience,
Term 'em e'en so, sweet wife?
As there is no woman made without a flaw,
Your purest lawns have frays, and cambrics bracks.
MAUDLINE. But 'tis a husband solders up all cracks.
MOLL. What is he come, sir?
YELLOWHAMMER. Sir Walter's come.
He was met at Holborn Bridge, and in his company
A proper fair young gentlewoman, which I guess
By her red hair, and other rank descriptions,
To be his landed niece brought out of Wales,
Which Tim our son (the Cambridge boy) must marry.
'Tis a match of Sir Walter's own making
To bind us to him, and our heirs for ever.
MAUDLINE. We are honoured then, if this baggage would be humble,
And kiss him with devotion when he enters.
I cannot get her for my life
To instruct her hand thus, before and after,
Which a knight will look for, before and after.
I have told her still, 'tis the waving of a woman.
Does often move a man, and prevails strongly.
But sweet, ha' you sent to Cambridge,
Has Tim word on't?
YELLOWHAMMER. Had word just the day after when you sent him
The silver spoon to eat his broth in the hall,
Amongst the gentlemen commoners.
MAUDLINE. O, 'twas timely.
[Enter Porter.]
YELLOWHAMMER. How now?
PORTER. A letter from a gentleman in Cambridge.
YELLOWHAMMER. O, one of Hobson's porters, thou art welcome.
I told thee, Maud, we should hear from Tim.
[Reads letter] Amantissimis charissimisque ambobus parentibus patri et matri.
MAUDLINE. What's the matter?
YELLOWHAMMER. Nay, by my troth, I know not,
Ask not me, he's grown too verbal; this learning is
A great witch.
MAUDLINE. Pray, let me see it, I was wont
To understand him.
Amantissimus charissimus, he has sent the carrier's man, he says; ambobus parentibus, for a pair of boots; patri et matri, pay the porter, or it makes no matter.
PORTER. Yes, by my faith, mistress, there's no true construction in that, I have took a great deal of pains, and come from the Bell sweating. Let me come to't, for I was a scholar forty years ago; 'tis thus, I warrant you: Matri, it makes no matter: ambobus parentibus, for a pair of boots; patri, pay the porter; amantissimis charissimis, he's the carrier's man, and his name is Sims, and there he says true, forsooth, my name is Sims indeed; I have not forgot all my learning. A money matter, I thought I should hit on't.
YELLOWHAMMER. Go, thou art an old fox! [Gives money] There's a tester for thee.
PORTER. If I see your worship at Goose Fair, I have
A dish of birds for you.
YELLOWHAMMER. Why, dost dwell at Bow?
PORTER. All my lifetime,