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    Forever Namaste: A Journey to Hope in the First Two Years after Adult Child Loss
    Forever Namaste: A Journey to Hope in the First Two Years after Adult Child Loss
    Forever Namaste: A Journey to Hope in the First Two Years after Adult Child Loss
    Ebook133 pages1 hour

    Forever Namaste: A Journey to Hope in the First Two Years after Adult Child Loss

    By Darla Hutson

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    About this ebook

    Child loss is a heartbreaking journey for parents who are left behind. When a child dies, a part of the hearts of every bereaved parent goes with a precious child into eternity. No parent, ever, wishes to survive their own child. Forever Namaste is a raw and personal account of a mother's private journey through the first two years after child loss from pulmonary embolisms.

    For parents who have lost a child, the journey forward is often a lonely path. Culturally, many believe child loss is something a parent will eventually overcome or recover from. Child loss is not an addiction or disease. It is the most horrific earthly journey a parent could travel – a journey which concludes only with a bereaved parent’s death and reunion with a precious child. Future joy after child loss has to be slowly and soulfully integrated with great sorrow. Grief does become softer, even hauntingly beautiful, as parents awaken to make conscious and deliberate efforts to find love, light, truth, hope, and grace in the after-death part of earthly life.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDarla Hutson
    Release dateMar 31, 2017
    ISBN9780998739311
    Forever Namaste: A Journey to Hope in the First Two Years after Adult Child Loss
    Author

    Darla Hutson

    Darla Hutson is an educator, homeschool/childcare teacher of 33 years, a mom to 5 surviving children, and a bereaved mom to one extraordinary young woman. She is owner of The Preschool Toolbox and editor of The Preschool Toolbox Blog (a grief section has been added for those interested in reading more about child loss). Darla lives with her husband and youngest surviving son. She is surrounded by a large, loving family, including her adult children and grandchildren, who carry love and light forward even after death.

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      Book preview

      Forever Namaste - Darla Hutson

      cover_2.png

      This book is a factual account of child loss and the early grief journey after a child dies.Forever Namaste All Rights Reserved Published by The Preschool Toolbox Copyright 2017 by The Preschool Toolbox Cover Design by Monique Boutsiv - MoniqueBDesigns.com This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America Any reproduction or other unauthorized use of the materials herein is prohibited without the express written permission of the author.

      Dedication

      For Christina, Rachel, Brandt, Sarah, Anna, and Kyle

      Contents

      Dedication

      Foreword

      The Prologue

      Chapter One

      Chapter Two

      Chapter Three

      Chapter Four

      Chapter Five

      Chapter Six

      Chapter Seven

      Chapter Eight

      Chapter Nine

      Chapter Ten

      Chapter Eleven

      Chapter Twelve

      Chapter Thirteen

      Chapter Fourteen

      Epilogue

      Recommended Resources for Child Loss

      Other Recommended Books for the Grief Journey after Child Loss

      Addendum

      Acknowledgments

      About the Author

      Foreword

      Culturally, adult child loss is often minimized, even amidst other bereaved parents. The rationale is: parents who lost an adult child were given more earthly years together; that is true. There are no bereaved parents who would wish less earthly time together with a child than what has been given. Parents have invested all, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially, to see a child through the early years, the teen years, and finally into adulthood. Bereaved parents of adult children have more precious memories to cherish, but also more times of love shared to grieve.

      Many parents experience, or are on the cusp of experiencing, the mutual loving friendship with a child that only comes with maturity, respect, and growth into adulthood. Bereaved parents of adult children may also have an adult child’s in-laws, spouses, and grandchildren that survive. The complexities of adult child loss are compounded by relationships that can extend well beyond the parents, siblings, and any surviving grandparents.

      What I’ve come to know in the after-child-loss part of my own life, death of a child at any age is an out of the natural order death and the worst possible grief a human can experience. No parent wishes to survive a child, ever. Only with great courage, love, gentle understanding, and real support can bereaved parents carry the heavy weight of child loss and begin the life-long grief journey forward. The following excerpts are from members of a Facebook child loss support page – MFACL (Moving Forward After Child Loss). While not every bereaved parent in the group has suffered adult child loss, many have. I asked the question: Adult child loss is often minimized as a better kind of loss – do you agree? The individual responses are shared with permissions:

      "I lost my son at age 23. I did not know anyone who had lost a child. I was so alone. Child loss happened to others, but now I AM one of ‘the others.’ There are millions of bereaved parents, just like us. My thoughts: I was driving home from an appointment yesterday, spending time listening to some of my favorite songs. I was thinking about my son and how some feel I am ‘luckier’ as he was 23 when he died. We had more time and more memories to share. I began to think if there is ever a time that would have been ‘better’ for him to go. Is there a ‘best’ time for any parent to endure the loss of a child? I raised him, watched him through school – the first prom date, first job, endless hockey tournaments, and the first day of college. We had no weddings, no college graduation, no grandchildren, no extended family vacations, and he had no wife. Losing him at 23 wasn’t a good time. If I had lost him at a younger age, I would not have as many shared memories. I would have lost him when he still looked at me as the center of his world – trusting, gentle, and loving. Maybe if he had left the earth as a baby? No, not then, as I would miss the baby smiles and how his face would light up when I entered his view – the times he would stick his tongue out and I would stick mine out as if it were a contest.

      I was recently attending a funeral for the best friend of my mother-in-law. An older woman was holding onto a door frame, actually she became part of the door frame, just hanging there. I asked if I could get her anything. A huge tear rolled down her wrinkled, loving eyes. Eyes that have seen a thousand school goodbyes, watched hundreds of lunches packed, watched a marriage and grandchildren being born. Those loving eyes looked at me and said, ‘You never want to bury your own child – it does not matter how old they are.’ She died a few years later and now she is with her child. There is no ‘better time’ to lose your child…ever. Love and courage to any parent who walks this horrible journey with us." – Cynthia

      While Nathan was only 18 years and 3 days old, I definitely can see how the older the child, the easier it is for others to dismiss a parent’s grief. I’ve seen it said in other places. ‘Well, at least you got X number of years.’ I’ve thought about this since Nathan’s passing in regards to my grandmother who out-lived two sons. One was in his late 30’s and the other late 50’s. As a young person, it never crossed my mind that they were still her children because they were older. I’ve said numerous times that I feel lucky I had 18 years with Nathan. I had more than many other parents in terms of years. I got to teach Nathan to drive and see him jump into his own car and take off. I got to see him at his first job. I got to see him go to his Jr. Prom – for those things, I’m blessed. On the other hand, there is never enough time. I didn’t get to see him go to his Sr. Prom, graduate from high school, go to college, get married, or have children. All in all, I’m blessed for the years I did have with him, but it was not enough. – Lori

      Andy was 29 years, 7 months, and 16 days when he died. While I am thankful for that time, it still wasn’t enough. My baby boy, my sweet child, my friend, and my only son is still gone from this earth. I will always miss him, love him, and yearn for more time with him. I don’t feel cheated, but I do feel that he was cheated out of a good life. I don’t spend time worrying or thinking about what other people think I should or shouldn’t be doing. He is MY son. This is MY grief. This is MY journey. I have my thoughts and opinions about the way things are now. If I want to mourn until the day I die, I will and I dare anyone to even suggest that I need to move on and get over it. – Laura

      I have often thought my grief has been dismissed by man as in he lived 36 years. Sorry, but that wasn’t enough for me. My baby boy left way too soon. I’ll never have a son again. We miss our kids the same no matter what age they were. I do feel blessed that he left two daughters for me to love, but at the same time, I wish he was still here. I miss him so much and wish that he was here to see his kids grow. – Linda

      My daughter was older. She could’ve even been a grandmother at almost 44 (two weeks away when she died) had she been able to have children (epilepsy kept her from taking that chance). Do I feel lucky because I had her that long? No, I feel cheated because she left before me. That’s what it boiled down to. No age is ever acceptable if it happens before one’s parents. Had I known when I was told I was pregnant with Shannon that I would only have her for less than 44 years, I’d have still gone through every year and been grateful for each. Yet, my sorrow of loss is stronger than my gratefulness for the time I had. – Jean

      Mandi was 31 and yes, some people do seem to dismiss my loss of an adult child. It’s not true. It doesn’t matter how many years we got, it wasn’t enough. That’s just a mom talking. I don’t see it as a blessing. I guess I am selfish. - Becky

      In a way, I feel lucky that I didn’t have as much time as others. I don’t miss as much of what was, but more of what could have been. I don’t miss his laugh, his hugs, or him saying, ‘I love you, Mommy!’ I never had any of those. I always thought, and still do, it would be worse to lose an older child. – Rachelle

      "Braun was 27 and I feel cheated

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