Forty-Four Book Eight: 44, #8

PROLOGUE

Breaking the bone is easier than I imagine.

A little pressure. A little more. And snap.

It whines and cries out as if on cue. Its suffering is almost beautiful. And irresistible.

And you, you are so sweet, the concern etched on your face.

Let me see, you say, kneeling on the cold concrete.

You only have eyes for the animal in front of you. But soon, my love, that will change.

I think its leg is broken, I say.

The shakiness in my voice works to my advantage.

Can you help me? The car’s just over there.

You wrap your scarf around the damaged limb.

You are so lovely I must turn away and look down at the river below.

My back, I say, wincing as I pretend to pick it up, pretend to care.

Let me.

You carry it to the parking lot.

It is all happening just as I imagined.

We are alone.

It is perfect.

I hold the wet cloth up to your mouth.

You squirm and moan softly in my arms.

My legs grow weak. Your body goes limp.

There, there, I say, laying you down gently in the van.

I cover you with a blanket and lock the door.

And then I see it.

The sun falling below the horizon, painting the world with its beauty. I cannot remember ever noticing it before. I could never have imagined that life held such wonder. And it’s all because of you.

I stare at the red sky in awe.

Our first sunset.

I drive away, blinking back tears.

CHAPTER 1

It was the third time I had seen the car.

Yesterday morning in the lot at Back Street Coffee.

Last night at my soccer game.

And now on the street up near the college track.

This was more than just coincidence.

I stopped for some water, took a few deep breaths, and glanced over at the light sedan. There was someone sitting behind the wheel, but with the early morning sun in my eyes, that was all I could see.

I looked around and wondered where the regulars were. The old woman with the visor was usually here by now. And the two men in their mid-thirties who were always decked out in the latest gear and liked to stretch more than they ran weren’t here either.

Except for the army of tiny chipmunks darting across the track from the infield, I was completely alone.

I could have just left. And maybe I should have. But I didn’t want to.

I had started running as a way to build my endurance and speed for soccer, but more and more I found myself liking it for what it had to give. Being out here just after dawn, with my heart beating to the rhythm of the music pounding in my ears, I had time to think. Or not to think, if I was lucky.

But on this morning my thoughts went back to the car.

I checked to make sure that my phone had a charge and held it in my hand. I decided to stay.

As long as I was alert, I was pretty sure I could outrun almost anybody.

It was a beautiful, warm summer morning with a fresh breeze blowing in from the west, whispering through the tall pines. I scrolled down until I found my new playlist, heavy on Haim and Grinderman. I kept the volume low as I took lane four.

After warming up for a mile, I started doing 400 meter repeats. My plan was to do ten of them. The idea was to go fast, but to leave something in the tank for the last few and not fade. If anything, I wanted to have my fastest laps toward the end.

It was possible that it was a coincidence, I reminded myself. There could be a logical explanation for the car. Lots of them in fact. I just couldn’t think of any.

As I rounded the southern end of the track by the empty tennis courts, I thought about the Culinary Institute just a few hundred feet down the hill, waiting for me next month.

Although I was excited about beginning the cooking program, I was nervous too. The last time I was in a classroom was when I was a senior in high school and that hadn’t gone so well. The accident that killed me for 44 minutes had changed everything, and school was one of those things. What used to come easy became the stuff of rocket science. Reading, memorizing, test taking. In the end I was lucky just to get out with my diploma.

My life got completely turned on its head. Gone were the college soccer scholarship hopes, the dreams of playing in the World Cup or the Olympics. But it wasn’t just that all my plans had died at the bottom of that lake. Something dark and mysterious took their place. I began seeing ghosts, having visions of serial killers, and noticing energies swirling around people.

But I had done all right. In the five years since drowning in that mountain lake, I had built a new life, with new people I had grown to love. And now, finally, I had a new dream.

The idea of becoming a professional chef was exciting. And while the thought of going back to school was making me want to vomit, I reminded myself that my body and mind had made a full recovery. And that this type of school would be different. Cooking was hands-on and I’d be learning about something that I loved doing.  

You’re ready, I whispered, noticing that the car was still there.

As I finished my last cool-down lap, I decided it was time to find out why I was being followed. 

But just as I took a few steps toward it, the car drove off.

I climbed the short distance to the street and watched it disappear down the hill, determined that the next time I saw it I’d make sure to be faster.

CHAPTER 2

Although it was a little loud at times, I liked Ty’s new place. The small house he had rented was in a great location, just a few blocks from downtown.

Not too shabby.

Yep, he said. It’s a keeper.

We sat in plastic chairs on the porch in the dark, our feet up on the railing, listening to the frogs.

Do you think they’re real? The frogs.

Of course they’re real, he said. Don’t you think they’re real?

I dunno. I have my doubts.

Like all that croaking is coming from a sound effect machine? That’s awful cynical of you.

I suppose, but how come you never see them?

How quickly they forget, Ty said. What about me? I used to be a frog before you turned me into your prince.

You were never a frog, I said. A wombat maybe. But never a frog.

He grinned.

I suddenly realized that my skepticism about frogs was how a lot of people felt about ghosts.

It’s really nice that you don’t have any roommates anymore.

He looked over at me and shrugged.

Well, I don’t think I can quite agree with that. There’s one I’m trying to get, but she keeps blowing me off.

I forced a smile, but didn’t say anything. It was my own fault. On the one hand, I had told Ty that I wasn’t ready to live together, but on the other I found myself spending a lot of nights here, especially with Kate gone so much.

So you had a good day? I asked after a long moment.

He laughed and looked back out at the street.

Yeah, he said. Say, how about this weekend we get a few steaks for the barbie?

Excellent, but what’s Ken gonna eat?

Who? Oh, good one.

Ty didn’t have much in the way of a kitchen, but he did have a nice, new barbeque that we fired up almost every night.

Let me know if this is too personal, but… He turned and looked deeply into my eyes. Does your pee stink when you eat asparagus?

Man, does it, I said, glad he wasn’t pushing me to move in and wondering what it said about me that I felt more comfortable talking about bodily functions.

Yeah, mine too. The first time it happened I thought I was a goner. I was sure I had kidney failure or something worse.

How ‘bout we skip the smelly urine this time and grill some peaches? And I’ll make a red pepper dip as an appetizer too.

Good, he said. "But let’s back up a moment. What if you just bring some of your stuff over and we’ll see how it goes? It doesn’t have to be such a big deal. Waking up next to you in the morning is the best feeling in the world. Well, one of the best feelings in the world."

He took my hand and kissed it as I watched that bright, fast electric energy swirl around him in waves.

I loved Ty. It wasn’t that. But I wasn’t ready to move in.

I love waking up with you too, I said. I’m just not ready to make it permanent. When we decide to live together, I want it to be a big deal. We have it good now, right?

We do, he said, standing up and stretching. Okay. I’ll work on my patience. Hey, you must be getting excited about school coming up.

Yeah, that and some jitters too.

Ah, you’ll do just fine. You know I’ve been giving it some thought myself, going back to school and getting my brewer’s license.

"I think that would be Swill, I said, laughing. I mean, swell."

It was hard to not make fun of the worst 10 Barrel beer I had ever tasted.

Ouch, Ty said. But for now one person going back to school in the family is enough.

My breath caught in my throat for a moment, but when I looked back over at him, I saw that he was smiling.

Wow, you really do have commitment issues, don’t you? I’m just having a little fun and you make it so easy.

I smiled weakly.

Hey, maybe when it’s all said and done, we can open up a pub here in Bend, he said. You could be the executive chef of the joint and I’ll brew the beer.

I like how you think.

A few mosquitos buzzed around, the cool night air nipping at my face. I heard a car slowing down in front of the house. As I looked up, I was relieved to see it was a minivan.

So what are we doing tomorrow? Ty said. You still have the day off, right?

Days off together had been hard to come by lately.

You bet. I thought we could head up to Elk Lake for some paddle boarding. But we should go early before it gets too crowded.

Cool. My board doesn’t even speak to me anymore. What else?

I want to get a few more flowers too for the backyard, I said.

I’ll help you pick the colors.

It was the only remaining physical complication from my accident, being color blind. Sometimes I dreamt in color, which gave me hope that someday it would return. But it wasn’t such a big deal either way. I had gotten used to living in a black and white world.

As we sat there, I thought about how much I loved Ty. His kindness, his compassion, the happiness that poured out from him. How he looked with the sun in his face. Those strong, muscular arms that wrapped around me and that casual, relaxed laugh. The way his eyes shined when he wanted me.

I brought his hand to my cheek and was overcome with that buzzing energy, the one that sent those chills through me when I was around him. Even though I had known him a long time now, those feelings still hit hard, stirring something deep inside.

Ty was my summer, warm and sweet and good.

CHAPTER 3

I walked inside and was hit by a wall of stagnant, stale air.

But there was more to it than that. The entire house felt sad and neglected. Even though I had done some solid cleaning the last time I had been home, a thin layer of dust covered everything and a strange odor hung in the air.

It was the smell of loneliness.

Between Kate being gone and me staying over at Ty’s house most nights, it felt empty down to its bones. I flipped on the air conditioner, hoping it would help bring the place back to life. I put the groceries away, slid off my sandals, and headed to the shower.

It had been a good day on the river. There were friendly customers, smooth runs, and large tips. And although it took a little time getting used to Ty not being there this summer, the other guides were fun to hang out with.

I picked a few sprigs of rosemary from the backyard and chopped them up for the marinade. I kept it simple, mixing raspberry vinegar with a teaspoon of Dijon mustard, some garlic, and the rosemary. I poured it over the chicken, and then let it sit in the fridge for a little while.

I headed back outside.

As I glanced around, I was happy with the work we had