Gut Feeling

fell.

It was Halloween and I found myself sitting in the airport. I was scared but excited. I had my doubts, and there were a ton of questions running through my head but the one that was the loudest was, are you sure you’re cut out for this? I picked up my phone and begin going through our text messages. I needed reassurance. I needed to be sure I was not crazy and that I was making the right decision. As I scrolled through weeks of messages I came across one that literally almost made me want to run out the airport and back to my car. The message read for the last 16 years. It was his response to my saying but you’re married. Tears filled my eyes and I felt like everyone in the airport could see the message. I franticly looked around the gate, hoping I did not look as guilty as I felt. I heard footsteps behind me and I just knew it was airport security telling me that I couldn’t board the plane. I looked over my left shoulder and it was a man smiling with devil horns on. Great, just great, I thought to myself, even the devil was watching me. The man nodded his head, I smiled, pulled my luggage close and turned back around to continue going through our message thread.

Finally, the announcement that I was waiting for; the call to start boarding the plane. I looked down at my ticket; zone 2. I started gathering my things and another rush of emotions came over me. Get it together I said to myself under my breath. You told him you were coming; he purchased your ticket, so suck it up and get it together. I finally convinced myself that it was okay to get on the plane. I grabbed my red suitcase, pulled out my boarding ticket and proceeded to the line. The man with the devil horns ended up right behind me. I guess he could tell something was wrong, because he said, don’t worry, I’m not the real devil. I tried to crack a smile; I’m assuming I did a horrible job because the next words out his mouth were, Is this your first flight? You look a little nervous. I felt like I was busted. I wanted to turn around and walk out of the airport. Instead I smiled and said No sir, I’m just not feeling the best. He patted me on the shoulder and said, hopefully you’ll be feeling better by the time you reach your destination. I hope so too, I said as I handed the gate agent my boarding pass.

I looked down at my ticket, seat 8E, I made my way to my row and took my seat by the window. I looked out the window and whispered a quiet prayer. Lord, I know this is wrong, but please give me a sign. I immediately laughed at how silly that prayer was. Why do I need a sign something is wrong, when I knew it was wrong? I smiled and spoke to the lady now taking the middle seat, put my seat belt on and looked back out the window. The flight attendants started with their safety announcements as I grabbed my phone to look back through our messages again. His messages said all the right things. I can’t wait to see you; I’m looking forward to spending some time with you; gut feeling. I couldn’t help but smile as I remembered the first time he texted those words to me gut feeling. My response was huh? As I had always thought gut feeling was a warning feeling you had in your stomach when something wasn’t quite right. Then he stated gut feeling was another way of saying thinking of you. I pulled my phone close to me as though it was him; took one last deep breath and the plane took off. I pulled out my headphones and scrolled through my iPod looking for some music to take my mind off the guilt. The first song I came to was Xscape My Little Secret. Once again tears filled my eyes and I turned quickly to look out the window.

I had a layover only two and a half hours from my home. I could just get another ticket or rent a car and go back home. I contemplated as the pilot announced that we should prepare for landing. The plane finally touched down and I switched my phone off airplane mode as we pulled into the gate. Immediately my phone vibrated indicating I had a text message. OMG it’s him, was he saying he changed his mind. Was he saying his wife found out? My hands trembled as I sat there looking at the message indicator. Just open the message, I said to myself; as I clicked on the message to see what he said. Call me, I’m delayed

My heart started to beat fast. Could this have been the sign I prayed for? What do I do? Do I call him and tell him that I too am delayed? Better yet, do I call him and say my flight has been cancelled? I went to my recent calls, and touched his name. I held my breath as the phone rang for what felt like an eternity. He answered and proceeded to tell me that his flight had been delayed and he was not sure exactly what time he would be arriving. I didn’t want to show him that I was worried so I coyly said okay and asked if there was anything that he would like for me to do. He replied in his normal slick manner Yes, make sure you are there when I land. I smiled and said, I almost lied and told you I missed my flight. He joked back saying Girl, if you would have missed that flight, just know. Just know what? I asked, as we flirted back and forth before getting off the phone.

I exhaled, that was just what I needed to get myself together. I was making the right decision. We are going to have a great, long weekend I thought to myself. I stood up and proceeded to grab my luggage out of the overhead compartment. I felt a hand on mine, and I heard a man’s voice stating, Let me get that for you. I turned around and saw the smiling devil man again. He grabbed my red suitcase, gave it to me and said, looks like you’re feeling better. I looked up at him, Not quite, but I have one more flight, let’s hope I’m one hundred percent by the time I land. He smiled and said I’ll say a quick prayer for you. The irony of the devil praying for me was enough to cause an overwhelming surge of emotions. Thank you! I said as we continued off the plane.

I made my way through the airport to my next gate. As I sat down, I felt my phone vibrating. I smiled as I realized it was him. I sat at the gate laughing and giggling with him and I felt a calming sensation come over me. I managed to convince myself that although I’d lied to everyone about where I was going and who I was going to see; I wasn’t lying when I said I was going to hang with a friend. He and I had talked on the phone for hours daily for the last couple of weeks. When we weren’t on the phone we were trading text messages back and forth like we were kids in high school. He even made a comment about feeling like he was 16. Now that I thought about it, when I was in high school he was married. I caught myself literally laughing out loud at just that thought alone.

This man was 13 years my senior. I had never had a guy pursue me the way he did. To be honest, it felt amazing. He initiated all our contact. I still had my guard up so he carried the majority of the conversations. I often found myself in awe at just how open he was with me. Yes, he had a wife and a son, but he had done a great job making me feel like it was all about me. I felt like this man was truly my friend. We’re friends, I said to myself as I realized it was now time to board the second plane.

This time as I grabbed my things, I was no longer nervous; I was now excited. I was excited to spend three days with my friend. Calling zone 3, zone 3 may now board at this time. I heard the gate agent say over the loud speaker. I rushed up, skipping a few people in line, handed her my ticket and almost ran down the jet-bridge to get on the plane. 23E, I said to myself as I made my way to my seat. The other two people were already seated so the man asked if I wouldn’t mind taking his aisle seat. Not at all, I replied as I proceeded to put my luggage in the overhead compartment and take my seat.

It felt like my heart was about to pound out of my chest. I wanted to almost scream at the people taking their time getting on the plane. The pilot came over the speaker. I thought he was going to give his normal prepare for departure spill, so I pulled out my ear buds and started placing them in my ear. As I was trying to insert the left ear bud I heard the pilot say, sorry folks, looks like we have about a 35 minute delay. I yanked my ear bud out and fell back into my seat. My excitement immediately shifted back to anxiety. Could this be another sign? A sign that I prayed for? I felt the tears forming as I picked up my phone and sent him a text Now, I’m delayed. He didn’t respond as quickly as he normally did so I just assumed his plane had finally taken off and he was on his way to our meeting destination. I shifted my phone to airplane mode, sat back in my seat and closed my eyes. Minutes later the pilot came back on the intercom to report that we had been cleared for take-off. I inserted my ear buds and prepared for the hour long flight.

Finally, the message I’d been waiting to hear. Welcome to Atlanta. I quickly shifted my phone out of airplane mode just as I did when the first plane landed. There were no messages. I called him to find out if he had made it. He answered and informed me that his plane was just about to take off, but the flight was only an hour and forty-five minutes so he’d be there shortly. I took my time gathering my things to get off the plane, after all I had at least two hours to kill.

Unlike the hour long plane ride, the two hours flew by. It felt like I had just gotten off the plane, now he was on the phone telling me that his plane had landed. I felt like a kid at Christmas. I sat on the bench with my phone. I tried to look busy and forced myself not to look every time a crowd of people walked by. I felt like I was failing miserably. I caught a glimpse of a red hoodie out of the corner of my eye and I knew immediately it was him. For a moment our eyes met. In that moment the hustle and bustle of the airport fell silent. Six foot, five inches tall, dark and handsome. He had a commanding presence and even if you didn’t know who he was, you knew he was somebody you wanted to know. I caught myself starring and quickly looked back down at the phone. The next time I looked back up, he stood less than two feet from me. We must have had the same idea, as he was on his phone when he walked up. We exchanged a quick hug and walked to the baggage claim area. Oh my gosh, this is really happening, we are really together. I thought to myself as we stood waiting on his luggage. I realized he was just as nervous as I which helped me calm down a little. On second thought, his nervousness was on a one and mine was easily an eight and a half.

After waiting a few minutes he turned around and realized his luggage had arrived much earlier and had already been taken off the conveyor belt. We rushed over, grabbed his things and proceeded to the pick up the rental car to head the Loews Hotel of Atlanta. As the valet guy opened the door I immediately thought, are we in the same room? Of all the questions that flooded my head as I sat in the airport, that was the one thing I didn’t think to ask. Now my nerves were back on ten all over again. He checked into the hotel and we caught the elevator to the room. The same room, with one king sized bed and a couch.

I placed my things in a corner and sat in the corner of the couch. So you’re just going to live out of your suitcase all weekend, he sarcastically asked as he started unpacking and hanging up his garments. Yes, I’m good, I replied as he then rushed to get in the shower. He had a show in about an hour and because of the flight delays he was now running late. I sat in the corner playing on my phone, trying to figure out just what I had gotten myself into. He got out of the shower, and saw me on the phone. If you ever need me to be quiet or step out of the room so that you can take a call, just let me know, I know how this goes, he stated. I’m good, I replied. He quickly got dressed and we grabbed our things to head to the door.

We got to the door and he stopped me. He placed his right hand on the wall and stated, now would be a good time. "Good