Vision of Serpents: The Vision Series, #2

ONE

O.M.G.

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Journal of Bristol Blackburn

Just woke up after another vision. All I can say is wow.

I know I’ve gotten hung up on the idea of being able to say I love you to Payne. I should be able to say it. Lord knows he loves me.

But what I don’t understand is how. How could he love a girl who might have a ghost tag along as a third wheel on any of our dates? Or one he can’t surprise with a romantic picnic date under our favorite willow tree, because I’d seen it already in a vision?

And yet, clearly he does love me.

It’s been just under four months since his Great-Uncle Jasper tried to kill me. Four months since Payne, possessed by his uncle, who I knew as Jay, nearly killed himself protecting me. Four months since he told me he loved me, right before being set ablaze and getting impaled through the chest.

Four months, and I haven’t been able to say it back. I can’t even refer to the two of us as boyfriend and girlfriend. I correct other people who call me his girlfriend. Like I’m afraid I’ll break out in hives by being the girlfriend of the most gorgeous boy on the face of the Earth.

There’s just something holding me back.

I’ve told Zach and Simon that I love them. And though I may not have said it to him, I can admit that I love my Uncle Mark. I can even admit I love Grandpa, although I guess that depends on the day.

But when it comes to Payne? I just can’t say it. I know he’d like me to, and he’s been so patient. He hasn’t pressured me at all, but I know he wants to hear me say it back.

So I have this vision. I’m in that perfect spot, by our willow tree, and I’m finally able to get those words out.

I say, I love you.

You’d think that would make me happy. The pressure’s off, right?

It might, if I were saying it to Payne.

The new guy in my dream is tall and muscular, with dark blond hair and such pretty gray eyes. He has a goofy, lopsided grin on his beautiful face, and I can tell that he has a great laugh. He looks like a nice guy. What’s worse is that when I say I love you, he looks like he loves me back.

Like I said: WOW.

NO, NO, NO! I WAS standing on my front porch, waiting to go to school, talking on my cell phone with Maggie.

I promise Payne and I did not get married over the summer break.

Every year, Maggie’s family went away on a long vacation. She’d just gotten back the night before, and had already missed our first week of school. Lucky girl. Now, she wanted me to catch her up to speed on everything she’d missed.

By everything, I meant what was happening with me and Payne. But she wouldn’t accept my word that nothing had changed. He and I were still...well, whatever it is that we were.

Listen, I said, rolling my eyes as she babbled. I swear you didn’t miss anything. I wouldn’t run off to have a Vegas wedding. And if I did, I wouldn’t do it without you. I’d need a maid of honor.

I pulled the phone away from my ear to keep from hearing the screech I knew would follow.

I mean it. I would choose you over Hunter. I love Hunter, but you’re my best friend.

Damn, I didn’t move the phone fast enough that time.

"No, Maggie, don’t start planning a bachelorette party. We just started our senior year! I’m not even thinking marriage."

I rolled my eyes again as I looked up and saw Eric Wilson walking toward the house. Eric and his family had moved in across the street a couple of months ago, right after the Jay incident. He’d been getting bullied at his old school pretty badly. His luck hadn’t been much better here. I watched as he stopped short on the curb; Mrs. Hickle from down the block didn’t even bother to hit the brakes as she drove past. Eric looked both ways, which he should have done to begin with, and finally crossed.

Maggie! I yelled into the phone. I needed to get her off her rant. I’ve got to go, or I won’t see you at school. Yeah, okay. Bye.

Eric climbed the steps of the front porch, already laughing. I decided to explain myself.

Maggie’s hatching up crazy ideas about me and Payne.

Of course, Eric said as he sat on the bench across from me. Maggie without a crazy idea would be as sad as, well...Maggie not dressed in one of her colorful ensembles.

I laughed. I did look forward to seeing Maggie’s outfits.

I’m guessing, Eric said, you haven’t checked your email yet?

No, I answered, glancing down at my phone. Why?

I sent you something last night. Don’t worry. It’s probably better that I say it in person.

Say what? I asked, as I started to check my email.

Nothing important, Eric answered. He motioned for me to put my phone away as he nervously tapped his feet on the floor of the porch. Mostly, I wanted to thank you and Payne. Meeting the two of you, and Maggie and Hunter, has been the best thing about moving here. Especially since you guys drive me to school every morning so I don’t have to take the bus.

Please, Eric, it’s no big deal. I love hanging out with you. Especially on mornings like today. Payne looks like he’s going to take his sweet time getting here.

Well, Eric said with a shrug. I know what you’ve been doing.

I tried to sound like I had no idea what he was talking about. I haven’t been doing anything.

I’ve heard you read the riot act to anyone who even looked at me funny. I just shrugged again.

Bristol, Eric said. I want you to know I appreciate it.

It’s nothing, I replied. Really. Where the hell was Payne, I thought. I didn’t like mushy gratitude, especially first thing in the morning. It’s not like I went around the entire school, telling everyone to shut their traps about you if they didn’t have anything nice to say.

Well, did I tell you what happened Friday with Archer McKnight?

No, I said. What?

Payne had a legion of cousins, and Archer was one of them. Most of them had names just as interesting as Payne’s: Archer, Hunter, Chase, Blasé, Tobias. Some of these cousins, like Hunter and Toby, were really nice. Others, like Chase, Blasé, and Archer, could be more than a little full of themselves. Archer was still on the fence. He’d never gotten over the fact that while possessed, he had nearly killed me and Hunter, so he was more or less nice to me. But, if Archer had been harassing Eric again, Payne was going to have one less cousin, because I was going to kill him.

It was after gym class, Eric continued. Everyone else had cleared out of the locker room. I hadn’t realized we were alone, and I was trying to get out without him seeing me. I tried to sneak. I don’t sneak well.

And then what? I asked.

Eric blushed. I tripped over some gym equipment and fell on my face. I didn’t go down easy. It must have been pretty comical.

He stood up, rolled his arms in wild circles and pretended to fall down. We both laughed. That was one of the things I loved about Eric. He always made me laugh.

I felt like such an idiot, he said. "I figured the fall would give Archer plenty of ammo, but he didn’t give me a hard time. He just shook his head.

Then he gave me a hand to get up."

Did he? I asked. Well, that’s good. I guess Archer could live.

Yeah, then when I was on my feet, he took it a step further. He actually told me he was sorry for giving me such a hard time last year. Said it was stupid.

I might have to allow myself to believe in miracles.

Of course, then Blasé came in, Eric said.

I groaned. Blasé was an idiot.

Yeah, Eric turned red as he recalled whatever happened. Blasé started to make kissing sounds and made some...rude suggestions. Archer just told him to shut up and left. I tried to follow, but Blasé just kept on...you get the idea.

Yeah, I said. I’ll deal with him.

Bristol, you can’t keep doing that. He’s Payne’s cousin. You don’t want to upset his family.

Payne won’t mind, trust me. He likes it when I tear into them.

I like Payne, Eric said. He never makes me feel like he’s doing me a favor by hanging out with me.

That’s because he’s not, I said. Payne thinks you’re cool.

Eric smiled. I know. You’re both great friends. It’s meant so much.

Look, I interrupted. You really need to stop. We love hanging with you. I know that Blasé must have ruined your weekend, but you have to look at the good stuff. Maggie’s back. Archer might be growing up. It’s our senior year. It’s all going to get better. Just give it time.

Eric seemed to be really thinking about what I was saying when Payne finally pulled into the driveway, driving a silver Lexus. He climbed out of the driver’s-side door, wearing blue jeans, a black t-shirt, and a leather jacket. His deep blue eyes found mine and he grinned.

Man, it should be illegal to be that hot.

Good morning, Payne said, as he came up onto the porch and gave me a long, slow kiss that made my toes curl. Then he looked around. We need to hurry if we’re going to make it to school without breaking all the speed limits. That wouldn’t go over well with your uncle. Where’s Eric?

He’s right here, I said. I glanced over to Eric, who was standing in plain view.

Bristol, Eric said. I think I did something stupid.

Eric, what are you...?

My voice trailed off. Payne and I turned to stare at each other.

In a moment, he understood, and took off running across the street as I followed, barely hearing Eric yell how sorry he was.

We both heard his mother scream as we reached their front porch.

MY UNCLE’S VOICE WAS CALM. Tell me what happened.

He’d arrived to find me holding Eric’s mother as she wept, while Payne was being held back from the body by the EMS workers who had arrived moments before.

It was a suicide note. I was checking my emails as I waited for Payne to pick me up. When I realized what he’d sent, we came running. From her place on the sofa, his mother continued to sob.

"I f-f-found him this morning, she managed to get out. I thought he’d left to go with Payne and Bristol. I didn’t even think to look..." She broke down again.

Mom, Eric said from the corner. Don’t cry. Bristol, tell her that it’ll be all right. I know how worried she was. She doesn’t have to worry anymore. My heart broke for Eric, but I couldn’t tell her that. I wouldn’t.

Mrs. Wilson, I said as I sat down on the sofa and took her hand. I’m so sorry. I know Eric loved you and Skyler so much.

Oh, god, Skyler. How am I going to tell his sister that her big brother—

She was unable to say it out loud.

Bristol, Eric pleaded over his mother’s cries. You have to explain. She had no idea how bad things were. She just didn’t understand. Help her to understand, please.

Mrs. Wilson, Uncle Mark said. Had Eric given you any indication that he was thinking about harming himself? Mrs. Wilson shook her head.

No. Nothing I ever picked up on... She let out a sob. "I—at his last school, he was bullied all the time. They even started prank calling the house. When we moved, I thought it would be different. It was different. He made friends."

Payne came into the room. His hands were steady as he handed her a cup of tea he’d made for her in the kitchen, but I could feel the grief within him.

Thank you, Mrs. Wilson said as she took the cup with trembling hands. I—I know he was still having a hard time. Kids can be so cruel. I didn’t know what else to do. I just tried to tell him that I loved him, no matter what. I just wanted my baby to be happy...

She started to sob again. How could I have let this happen? How could I be such a failure as a mother?

No! Eric shouted. No, no, no, no! Bristol, this is all wrong! You can’t let her think that! That’s not true! She was a great mother. I loved her. I knew she loved me! I was just...it’s just that I...oh, no. Eric wept as the weight of what he had done came crashing down on him.

Mrs. Wilson, I said, I don’t think Eric did this to hurt you. He loved you.

He was my baby boy, she cried, and he’s gone. I told him I loved him no matter what, but maybe I didn’t tell him enough. Maybe I should have said more. Or done more.

She broke off again, physically shaking from her grief.

In the corner, Eric looked just as shaken. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to do so much.

All I could do was hold his mother as she wept.

I was at the house long enough to see Skyler’s reaction. One of the deputies had gone to get the thirteen-year-old from school. While Eric reminded me of his mother, with his dark, brown hair and round face, Skyler must have looked more like her father. She was tall for her age, with soft blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. She had a splattering of light freckles on her cheeks and nose, and a thin figure. When Mrs. Wilson told her what had happened, those blue eyes filled with angry tears.

Eric was silent. He stood in a corner, his arms crossed, cradling himself.

I hate this, his sister whispered. I hate him for doing this. With that, she burst into tears, and Eric faded away.

IT WAS NEARLY ONE IN the afternoon by the time we left Eric’s home. We walked back across the street in silence.

Bristol, Uncle Mark began, as we got to the steps of the front porch, Did Eric really send you an email?

It was weird that after so many years of hiding my secrets from everyone, even my parents, both Payne and Uncle Mark were aware that I could talk to ghosts. If this question had been asked months ago, I would have lied about the real reason.

He did, I answered. I didn’t open it until after we found him. Uncle Mark nodded as he pulled me into a hug.

I’m proud of you. Both of you. He pulled back and looked me in the eye. "I want you to know how much I love you. I need you to understand that."

I blushed, feeling embarrassed. I’d learned how to deal with a few people knowing I spoke to the dead. It almost felt natural to talk about that now. But hearing my uncle tell me he loved me and was proud of me still made me feel queasy inside. I was never that close to my own parents.

Uncle Mark was so amazing, and he even chuckled because he knew how squeamish hearing those three words made me. He gave me a quick kiss on the top of my head, and freed me, glancing down at his watch.

I guess at this point you may as well skip school. Just try and stay out of trouble.

Uncle Mark, I said, feigning offense, what kind of trouble would you think I could get in?

Oh, I don’t know, he said with a sigh. I’m sure you could think of something.

We shared a smile before he excused himself, climbed into his patrol car and drove away.

So, Payne said, what do you feel like doing now? We could talk to your grandfather.

He’s off at the lodge this morning with all the other old men.

Okay, Payne said. You hungry?

I rolled my eyes. Was he serious? Our friend was dead and he was thinking about food. What is it about men?

No, I answered. Can we just, y’know, drive for a bit?

Payne nodded as he went and opened the passenger side door for me. I slid in, and watched Payne make his way around the car to the driver’s side. I glanced up at the rearview mirror, and saw we weren’t alone.

I couldn’t stay there anymore, Eric said. I can’t believe how badly I screwed up. How do I make this all right? I just want to make it better.

You can’t, I answered, just as Payne got into the car. There’s nothing you can do.

Confusion played across Payne’s face for a moment. Then he looked at me, and he understood. I take it we’re not alone?

No, I answered.

Payne knows? Eric asked. I nodded.

I never knew, he said in a small voice.

Not many people do, I explained. "Maggie doesn’t. I don’t share this.

It’s private."

What happens now?

For your family? They mourn. They bury you. They’ll grieve for you, and they won’t ever get over you. They’ll never understand. Hopefully, in time, they’ll forgive you, for their own sake.

You don’t hate me now, do you?

No, I answered. But I am mad at you.

Damn right, Payne mumbled.

Payne, Eric said, please don’t be angry. Look, you don’t have to babysit me at school now.

Eric, I said. He can’t hear you, and I told you, Payne and I weren’t babysitting you. We were your friends.

"Babysitting? Is that what he’s saying? Is that what he thinks?"

I watched as Payne gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. Without warning, he pulled off the main road and into a secluded area. I felt the car come to a sudden stop on the gravel that crunched under the tires.

Eric, Payne barked, not bothering to look back since he couldn’t see the person he was talking to. Don’t you get it? Why the hell would you think I was babysitting you? I thought we were friends!

We are! Eric yelled back, even though Payne couldn’t hear him. You and Bristol are closer to me than anyone. Bristol, tell him. Please.

Payne, I said. Eric wants you to know he was your friend.

Was he? Payne snapped. Then ask him why he didn’t talk to me before he did something like this? How could he do this to all of us? Shocked at Payne’s reaction, Eric seemed so broken inside.

Eric, I said turning to look at him, we’re all upset. We loved you, but we will forgive you. Now you need to forgive yourself. You can’t take this back. There’s nothing left for you to do except move on.

One minute, Eric was in the backseat shaking in grief and despair. The next, he faded away.

I sat back in my seat and sighed.

He’s gone? Payne asked.

I nodded.

Payne took my hand.

You okay? I asked him.

He shrugged, refusing to look at me. Are you? I returned the shrug.

Finally, Payne glanced over at me. I could see the grief in his face. That was when I started to cry.

TWO

BRISTOL BAM BAM BLACKBURN

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THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS picture, Payne said, as we slowly got out of the car in the Spirit High School parking lot. We could be anywhere today.

We’re not cutting, I said. It’s wrong for us to use this day like that. Besides, I need to tell Maggie and the others about poor Eric.

Payne nodded and looked at his watch. There’s only what? Two periods left?

I’m not going to class, I answered. I just think we should be here.

Payne didn’t ask why. He just took my hand, and together we walked inside. Inside, the hallway walls were covered with posters for different clubs and an upcoming student election. Behind them, the paint was a dull green and badly chipped. As we walked, we could hear chatter from the classrooms. Every once in a while, someone passed us, but we didn’t stop to talk to anyone until we ran into Mrs. Fairbanks, who looked startled to see us.

Payne. Bristol. What are you two doing out in the hallway?

Sorry, I said automatically. Something happened this morning. You know our friend, Eric Wilson?

Of course, Mrs. Fairbanks said, examining our tense faces. What happened? Are you all right?

I didn’t want to deal with this. I couldn’t right now.

Payne, I said. I’m going to go wait for Maggie. Can you explain? Please?

Payne nodded and a moment later, he and Mrs. Fairbanks disappeared into her office. I kept walking down the hall, waiting for Maggie to come around the corner as the bell rang. Kids of different ages flooded the halls, most with their cell phones in their hands and ear buds in, playing their favorite tunes. Most of them passed me without looking up, too busy catching up on social media to notice me. Finally, my best friend appeared.

Maggie Sheppard was a dark-skinned girl whose colorful outfits expressed her zany personality. Today, she was dressed in mint-green stretchy pants with a bright purple striped top, paired with matching shoes and her usual thick-rimmed green glasses. If I didn’t know better, I would have guessed she had killed Barney the dinosaur for that getup.

She wasn’t alone. Hunter McKnight, Payne’s cousin, was walking beside her, followed by Ian Lewis, a tall, geeky kid who had lately developed a very acute interest in the history of the feud between the Blackburns and the McKnights.

Of course, he’d developed a very acute interest in Hunter, too. Who could blame him? With her bright red hair and gorgeous body, she looked like a supermodel without the anorexia or stuck-up attitude. She was wearing a short, black skirt and a green silk shirt that brought out her green eyes. Her makeup was subtle, but striking. Trailing behind her, Ian looked so clumsy he was almost tripping over his own feet. He was dressed in his usual khakis and a blue polo shirt. His dark hair was curly and just a little on the long side.

They were all friends with Eric. I wasn’t looking forward to telling them what had happened.

Hey, guys, I called. Over here.

I got them to the side and told them what had happened. Both Hunter and Maggie started to cry. Ian looked like he wanted to hold Hunter, but was afraid to touch her. So he shoved his hands into his pockets, looking nervous.

As I was in the middle of explaining, a few more faces showed up.

For most teenage girls who didn’t know anything about them, the image of Archer, Chase, and Blasé McKnight walking down the hallway would be a beautiful sight. Each was a fine specimen of a male teenager.

Archer was walking on the far left. He wore a gray t-shirt that showed off his muscular arms. With his close-cropped brown hair, square jaw, and a backpack slung over one shoulder, he looked like an all-American.

Chase was on the opposite side. His thin build and long brown hair made him look like a musician. He was no less extraordinary to look at.

Behind them was Blasé, whose smug attitude was written all over his perfect face. He was blond, blue-eyed, and in my opinion, a class-A jerk.

The first time I’d seen him, he and his cousin Archer had been having fun tripping Ian in the lunch room. Ian had been mortified. They had both acted like immature brats.

When they reached us, Archer and Chase saw Hunter and Maggie