Faint
By David Manoa
()
About this ebook
My name is Jake Arden, I'm a single father with a beautiful six year old daughter, Kayla.
I had a woman once, who left our family with only a hateful letter to explain.
My world kept crumbling down since then.
This story is about my struggle. What I faced, until Nikki changed everything...
David Manoa
I am a writer based in Auckland, New Zealand.I write mainly contemporary romance.My interests are Rugby League, Cars, Gaming and Bodybuilding.
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Faint - David Manoa
Faint
~~~
David Manoa
Copyright 2015 David Manoa
SMASHWORDS Edition
~~~~
The author asserts the moral right to be identified as
the author of this work.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including photocopying, recording, information storage and retrieval systems, or otherwise, without prior permission in writing from the author, with the exception of a book reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
~~~~~~
Jake Arden
Moonlight. Sadness. Hurt.
Rays of dull yellow light illuminated my bedroom. My puffy eyes followed them to the lunar surface of the full moon. Wolves would howl to it, I would cry to it. Its craters could be seen faintly. Dust particles float in the air. All of it made me think of the solitude my life has entered. How it all turned to shit.
I clutched the tear-worn letter, my girlfriend, Andrea left me when she deserted our family of three, two years after my daughter Kayla was born. The callous resentment in the words lifted off the crumpled paper. My hand was shaking, my mind filled with a gamut of emotions. Anger, frustration, loss and hurt.
I met her at my company Christmas function, damn girl was the prettiest woman I had ever seen. Both of us were attracted to each other. I was in love. Andrea had graduated from college a year before and landed a role in selling real estate. I was a construction worker building new homes. She was a driven woman; blonde, blue eyes, savvy and smart. The world at her feet. I was at her feet. My Irish charm got her for whatever reason. Our relationship started off with sessions of steamy sex.
I was so blind, not to know she didn't want a family.
I remembered when she told me she was pregnant. I was overjoyed that I was going to be a father. I recalled now Andrea's expression at the time; only reluctance. Fear.
Then I found out she had an appointment with the abortion clinic. The argument we had on that day was catastrophic. But then I had to calm down and think. Damn, I remember holding Andrea, Telling her I loved her, would take care of her, promising her I would be there for her, at every step, begging her not to keep the appointment.
I even proposed to her two weeks after. I was convinced she was the woman for me, that everything would be alright.
I walk over to Kayla's room to check on her, opening the door slightly. She was there, away with the Angels, sleeping. I thought about Andrea’s first decision. If she had done it before I talked her out of it…
I wouldn’t be looking at anything right now, probably an empty room, or maybe Andrea.
What joy Kayla gave me when she came out her mother's womb. Tears spilled. I’d never cried before at something that made me so happy. The happiness seeing your child for the first time. My life changed. Forever.
I recall the nurse saying she had the same hair color and nose as me. My eyes flicked to Andrea. I held her hand, and squeezed to look at our daughter. She didn’t smile. Not even proud of the moment. I can never forget that.
She was adamant she would return to work as soon as possible. We couldn't afford daycare, along with the house purchase Andrea had arranged. I changed my hours so I could take care of Kayla during the day. It suited my boss because he needed someone to work nights and help finish some houses, to secure more contracts.
I don't know how you can walk away from your daughter, your own flesh and blood.
I tried to rationalise Andrea’s actions every time I read her letter.
Sometimes I thought about burning the damn thing, but it was the only piece of Andrea left. Everything got stuffed up but every so often I needed to go to that place. I’d hold and read it, venting everything that wrecked my mind. To grieve. More than anything I tried to use it to motivate me to be the best father I could be.
I stepped into Kayla's room, sliding my feet across the floor. I pulled up her pink mink blanket, to keep her warm. Damn, time goes quick, my little girl is starting elementary school tomorrow. Six years old…
I smiled, hoping she’d be confident enough to handle her first day. I hoped my teaching her to read wouldn't make me appear like a bad dad.
Now with our life like this, everything I did was for Kayla. The double shifts, the weekend work to put bread on the table. To clothe her, to get her everything I could provide.
For Kayla.
I closed her door to go back to my moonlit room. I opened up the wooden box hidden under the bed to place the letter inside. The memory hit me of first discovering this on the dining table when she left stuck me. Even before I read it, I could feel my heart sink and shatter. The letter reads,
Jake,
By the time you read this, you would have realised I have left you. I made arrangements to have my stuff picked up. I couldn't say what has been on my mind ever since I had Kayla.
My lip trembled, I couldn’t read the rest of the letter. The rest of the contents scorched my heart. My eyes blinked out tears. I had read this letter so many times, letting the emotion strike me. An invisible dagger.
But I never ripped it up.
Why? I wanted the letter to desensitise me to the point